deleted - thanks for the input

[EmilyGF]

Hi all,

Deleted - thanks for the input and encouragement. This has been very helpful. Maybe saved me $$$$ because I won't be pushing DH for us to move to the suburbs!

Emily

Edited December 15, 2020 by EmilyGF

[Katy]

It's hard during a pandemic.  We've moved frequently and usually find new friends through church.

DH is an engineer, his closest friends both married veterinarians so I know what you mean about personality differences among different groups. 

You might make new friends at work, or maybe not. DH's company is working remotely so you'd have no luck there right now  If it wasn't a pandemic I'd say try sites like meetup.com and look for any obscure interest groups you might be interested in. Or check the Y for sport clubs.  But as is I think you'll have to wait it out.

[Harriet Vane]

I feel your pain. We moved from the big city to a totally different state with a totally different culture. We feel like fish out of water. We had zillions of good friends in our home state. In our new state, we have friendly acquaintances. 

[regentrude]

Commiseration big time! I am extroverted and have tons of acquaintances and used to throw parties galore, but yearn for close friends.

I am a physicist and always got along with guys better than with women.
I never fit with the other moms in my homeschool group because we homeschooled for academic reasons and I had a regular job. Culture mismatch.
I did not make close friends at work; I have dinner-party friends among my (male) colleagues, but not soul friends.
I never made friends in choir - we were pleasant to one another, but not close.

I made a few friends through book club; they're English and humanities profs, and we hit it off great. I actually love to dissect books with them; I am the only scientist there, everybody else is a humanities person.
I also made some friends in my local women's circle, but if this year has taught me anything, it's that everybody waxes about "community" and "sisterhood" as long as it's easy and we can circle in the sun and sing kumbayah - when things get tough, people don't reach out, and it's a lonely lonely world.

I finally found two very dear friends two years ago, at age 50. One is an artist/poet I met at an open mic and we hit it off and became very close; however, they now live off the grid deep in the country and we rarely ever communicate, and I miss them so so much. The other is an older lady I met at the same open mic who is a homesteader and has a farm out in the country; a wise woman who has been a fantastic friend. Total surprise, not a corner where I would have ever looked for a friend.

And over the past two years, I found some friends online. I met some lovely people this year at online poetry readings whom I feel could become real friends, but that takes time and effort.

It's hard. I wish you good luck. And don't discount having your best friend be a man; that can be wonderful, too.

Edited December 14, 2020 by regentrude

[Bambam]

I'm in the same boat. I'm a former engineer. I have some friendly acquaintances, but no real deep friends outside of DH. I've started calling some of the older ladies at church, and some of them have interesting stories/conversations, but it's not quite the same. 

I don't have any answers. I don't think it is you. You sound like a lovely person, but as a fellow non-typical female, I've found it hard to find good female friends. Sometimes it is just hard to find good friends. IMHO, one would do. 

[gardenmom5]

1dd is a classics major (despite that, she walked through the math building at college - and had to call me to whine about how she missed math) - but works in computers - and can easily hold her own on a computer conversation with my engineer (started in computers). 

She also has ASD. 

She can commiserate.  For the most part, English/Fine Arts majors make her nuts.  

 

 

[Miss Tick]

Hard. So hard.

[catz]

I think it is a hard season for a lot of us.  I feel like for me things have gone in waves.  I am a math/tech type female too but I actually click well witha  variety of people.  Anyway - I got to see a really nice core group of moms when my kids have been different ages and now my youngest is 16 and there is only ONE I've regularly communicated with since covid started.  At the same time, I only have so much bandwidth right now with all of us under the same roof 24-7.  

I do think it can take a while to gel with people.  I have good intentions of trying to be a joiner and a volunteer once covid is over.   I have done volunteering from home and I'm happy to give back but it's not the same as clicking with people in the real world.  I have always volunteered a lot.  That is a delicate balance of being taken advantage of and enjoying the work and having it fulfill a need to connect with like minded people.  I do think a job  can be an option as an outlet and I may consider that at some point too.  

Anyway-   misery loves company.  I think there are a lot of us out here right now.  I know the last thing on my mind at the moment is trying to get to know new people through traditional means.  I may have access to zoom this winter and I may try a happy and/or knitting chat hour if I can get a few people interested.  

I will say I live in a city too and honestly I thought suburbs were worse  generally.  I hope you can hang in there a bit and find something fulfilling after things start settling a bit and people are more comfortable out and about.  

[RootAnn]

I think it is tough to find your people in certain areas (geographically). It usually takes me 3-5 years to find friends & just when we start to get close, they or I would move.

As an engineer by schooling, I understand. My best friends in college were all guys except for my college roommate (and she was a CS major with almost 100% college guy friends, too). My two closest friends now are homeschooling mom's but I haven't spent quality time with either since March.

[mommyoffive]

You are not alone.  I am in the same boat.  I have no friends.  I am a stay at home mom, so I don't have co-workers to be friends with.  We moved to a new state before we got pg with our first.  We didn't have any friends or family here.  I got pg 2 weeks after we moved here and got really sick.  After our first move I spent my entire pg alone in the apartment.  Then I gave birth to a fussy baby.  I didn't start trying to make some sort of friends until she was about 6 months old.  I made some fellow mom friends and then we moved.  The next city I got into the mom scene and made some mom friends.  Which to me means we hang out at storytime or play group, but not outsisde of that.  But then we grew apart.  I had more kids and they stopped at 2.  They sent their kids to public school and we home schooled.  And then finally my kids stopped doing any activities in our town and their main activity in a town over 1 hour away.  I made a lot of friends with the parents there, but it was hard to do things with them since I am a 2.5 hour trip away.  

I have tried a little over the years to have time on my own with friends, but with all the kids and dh's schedule it doesn't work out that much.  

[Alicia64]

You are not alone. At all.

W.

[aggie96]

Nope. Not alone, I could have written your post word for word.

[Shoeless]

You are not alone. I am a slightly left of center person who loves bookstores, museums, and coffee shops.  I am not the slightest bit outdoorsy, and I live in a deeply red part of Texas, where fun = hunting, fishing, and camping.   Covid took away the parts of this place that I liked, and the election showed me those parts are probably never coming back.  

We hope to move up north in 2021. 

[freesia]

I don't think it's necessarily you at all.  Dh has always had friends, but not where we've been for the past 12 years.  We also have no couple friends where we always have had.  The only difference between him and me where we are now is that I leaned in to make friends with people who wouldn't have been my friend other places.  They are very different from me. I wanted friends for my kids, so I kept pressing in.  I have friends with whom I can share deeply, but not ones who I really connect with on that soul level.  So, I would say, keep at it and be the initiator if you have to and try hard, if you can.  But, from dh and ds I've learned that not everyone wants to do that, so I get it if you can't.

[SKL]

I agree, you aren't alone.  I don't really have any friends like what you are seeking, even though I live with two housemates.  My thinking is just on a whole different level.  Plus, I'm an extreme introvert and a single mom, so it's not like I meet new people.  The pandemic certainly isn't helping matters either.

One suggestion though.  You say you attend women's Bible studies.  Why not try a Bible study that isn't specific to women?  Honestly, I find these to be some of the best places to do deep thinking, listening, and talking.

Another thought - what about some continuing education in a university course you find interesting?  Especially at a campus that caters to professionals vs. young resident students.  You might find some like-minded mature students there.

Have you thought about attending civic meetings or getting on a nonprofit board that reflects some of your interests?  You can meet many interesting people in such settings.

While these may or may not lead to friendships, at least they could give your brain something to chew on.

Good luck!

[Carol in Cal.]

I have a very similar profile—tech, conservative tilt, deep blue state.  In my case it’s complicated by being very conservative theologically—much more so than politically—and being in an extremely post-Christian area.  

To me the issue (even pre-Covid) seems more like, I and others are very, very busy.  Everyone is working nutsy hours or has bad commutes or is fried beyond belief taking care of their families while working or while supporting someone’s career who works 60 hour + weeks.  And then in groups that are supposedly for one thing, the deep blue and really anti-Christian other faiths are assumed to an extent that is difficult to even explain.  Just a for instance—I attended a women in business networking meeting recently online, and the featured speaker channeled a spirit to give us a message about how to be better business women.  I mean!  !!!!!  (I turned off the sound until people opened their eyes.  This is totally not OK with me, and it’s pretty much assumed to be just great in some circles here.  Plus it was a business networking meeting, not a religious event or seance.). 

For me, I made a bunch of friends while homeschooling, but since being finished with that we are mostly not in touch anymore.  We are happy to see each other but have moved on to other very busy pursuits, and what pulled us together was both educating our kids and personal connection, but the personal connection got difficult with political assumptions being, well, assumed.  Not that I’m not friends with them anymore, but it’s SO assumed that I find it hard to relax.  So I tend to reach out less, I suppose.

Several things have really helped a lot.  I reconnected with an old pre-kids friend of mine, who wanted to organize a zoom women’s Bible study once the Covid shutdown started, and it’s become a small but important group of friends for me.  I’m finding that I have a TON in common with this group, more so than with most of my others, and it’s been wonderful actually.  Also, I’ve been in various affinity groups for a long time online, so transitioning to the Covid online format for some types of friends has been easier for me than it would have been if that wasn’t the case.  It’s easier to find like minded people when you’re casting a broad net via Facebook groups and such.  Also, 7 years ago we got a cabin in a more purple area, and have made friends there based on our common love of the area, and are not tripping up against political/religious assumptions as much as there is more of a mix.  Also, since our DD is grown and launched, I’ve reconnected more closely with other family members, including dear nieces and nephews who I am close to, somewhat to my own surprise, as well as a brother and a sister who I deeply love but had not been in as close touch with as I am now.  And lastly, I’m comfortable piecing together my groups a bit, something I was already used to of necessity.  So for instance I am in a book group whose discussions I really enjoy, and whose members I like, and although these are not people I would call every day AND also the deep blueness is mostly assumed there to an extent that I don’t love, these are people I value and have important things in common with that we enjoy together.  

It so happens that our neighbors in the city are so varied that although we are cordial, we are not close enough to be actual friends.  Our street is very busy, and there are no front porches.  It’s not a cozy casual friend making environment, although I do make an effort—I share the fruit off of our trees and chat with people and am friendly, but that’s a far cry from BFF territory.

I don’t mind having friends who are men, and I do, and since I’m older, it’s not really threatening to anyone, so that’s good, and it adds to the ‘piecing together’ thing.  

In the same way that expecting to get all of my relationship eggs from the basket that is my marriage is not reasonable, I’ve concluded that to expect to get them all from one tight group is unlikely to happen.  I had best friends as a kid and through all of my schooling, and into my early working years, and then those liminal shared experiences that make for deep relationships started to diverge a lot and be less and less common.  I’m so grateful to have so many likeminded friends at my church—we have only belonged there for a little over a year, and did not join for social reasons, but that’s been an unexpected extra gift.  So I’m optimistic again about this!

[Amy Gen]

I have always found it easier to be friends with men. I’m seeing the same situation with my 14 year old. She isn’t boy crazy at all, but when I can’t find her on the pool deck, I just look for the boys, and sure enough they are in a circle around her. 
 

I’ve just given up and had men for my closest friends. 

[MooCow]

The only reason we have friends where we live is because we moved to our current state because my husband’s two best friends moved here with their families. I literally left my very best friend whom I lived down the street from because my husband could not make friends; well that and it snowed here. Not a lot, just enough to have fun a few times during winter lol. Now 14 years later, one best friend is divorced and very sadly the other tragically passed away suddenly this year. So, everything has changed. I am an extreme introvert and I am trying to make our house be the one where everyone comes too, but honestly it’s just too soon after hubby’s bestie passed and no one really wants to get together anymore. He was the glue who held everyone together. I suspect it wouldn’t change much even if COVID was not here.  Ironically it doesn’t really snow here anymore.

I feel your pain. 

Edited December 14, 2020 by MooCow
TMI

[mathnerd]

I commiserate, a lot!

[shawthorne44]

It is hard.   I think because most adults aren't looking for a friend.  Then those that are, aren't a good match for you.   

The only friends I've made as an adult came from two locations:   

One, I joined a social club and regularly attended a couple of weekly events.   One event was a bargain night at a brewpub and we'd eat and drink beer.  Another was a lunch group.   People are sort of forced to sit and talk.   Particularly in the lunch group I grew to treasure some people that weren't my cup-of-tea just because we'd verbally shared so much of our lives.  I haven't been involved in either group in at least a decade and many are still friends.   

Two, when DD was K-1st grade age I actively reached out to other mothers of that age.   I'd tried when she was younger but nothing clicked.   I think the difference was that we moved from a suburb with ~400K people and mostly Upper-Middle-Class, to an exurb of 4K people and middle-middle-class.     You keep running into the same people, so it is easier to make friends.  Even then, I only have one close friend, the others are people that we invite to parties and vice-versa.  Note, I was terrified socially of moving to the small town.  

My parents noticed that they needed friends when Dad decided to throw a b-day surprise party for mom about 20 years ago when they weren't quite 50.  The question was, "Who do we invite?"   They knew enough people to make a respectable party, but he realized that they lost all their close friends due to live changes.   They ended up joining the Elk's Lodge, and that seems to have worked for them.     
 

[regentrude]

1 hour ago, Carol in Cal. said:

 Just a for instance—I attended a women in business networking meeting recently online, and the featured speaker channeled a spirit to give us a message about how to be better business women.  I mean!  !!!!!  (I turned off the sound until people opened their eyes.  This is totally not OK with me, and it’s pretty much assumed to be just great in some circles here.  Plus it was a business networking meeting, not a religious event or seance.).

I am sorry that made you uncomfortable. But this is something non-Christians are constantly experiencing when they are subjected to prayer in meetings or events that are not religious in nature, or invocations of a God they are equally not ok with (pledge of allegiance anybody?). Only our society is so used to this that nobody thinks this could be as offensive to non-believers as the invocation of the spirit was to you. (To clarify, I don't care much for spirit channeling either. But it's about the principle of the thing - applying different measures. )

Edited December 14, 2020 by regentrude

[Carol in Cal.]

1 hour ago, regentrude said:

I am sorry that made you uncomfortable. But this is something non-Christians are constantly experiencing when they are subjected to prayer in meetings or events that are not religious in nature, or invocations of a God they are equally not ok with (pledge of allegiance anybody?). Only our society is so used to this that nobody thinks this could be as offensive to non-believers as the invocation of the spirit was to you. (To clarify, I don't care much for spirit channeling either. But it's about the principle of the thing - applying different measures. )

I am really tired of this assumption—that I am applying different measures.  It particularly rankles that it is inaccurate, and just an assumption.  

I have never subjected anyone to prayer in a non-religious event.  Nor do I favor doing so.  Enough with the false accusations already.

[Carol in Cal.]

I’ve been thinking about this thread more, and I think the liminal experience thing is really more significant than I had previously considered.

Kids make friends when they go to playgrounds or summer camps, but not necessarily to keep in touch with.  That’s kind of similar to adult short, intense connections, like at a deeply delving conference or retreat, or on a cruise (they say.)

But when they go to school, it’s a new experience, they experience it together with others who are going through it as new at the same time, and they see each other frequently.   It’s the same with high school, sometimes, and almost always with college, in spades.  It’s often the case with a first job, especially if a lot of folks start together just out of college.  

And it’s often the case with new motherhood, depending on how people take it, or with starting to homeschool, or with your kids starting school.  

Beyond that, where are the big new experiences that adults go through together?  And can we and should we look for those?   Or does making friends beyond that have to be more low key and slow, and involve more conscious decision-making around *being* a good friend?  I’m thinking out loud here, a bit, but tentatively concluding that the ideal is to do both, and also to pursue your interests passionately, for your own enjoyment or betterment or whatever, and figure that that might bring friendships but that even if it doesn’t, it will be good.

[regentrude]

19 minutes ago, Carol in Cal. said:

I am really tired of this assumption—that I am applying different measures.  It particularly rankles that it is inaccurate, and just an assumption.  

I have never subjected anyone to prayer in a non-religious event.  Nor do I favor doing so.  Enough with the false accusations already.

I am sorry. I did not mean to accuse you personally of anything. I was just struck by your horror and the many exclamation points with which you expressed that you found this inappropriate - when the reverse is an almost everyday occurrence for non-Christians in the bible belt and barely registers as inappropriate with the majority. 

[Bootsie]

I am a introvert, and DH is an off-the-scale introvert.  Both of us find small-talk, get-to-know people type of events tiring, stressful, and boring.  I work in a male-dominated field, so I have not developed a lot of close, female companionship through my work.  DH and I worked odd schedules to many people when our kids were young, which put me at home sometimes during the day and sometimes during the evening.  I often found that with whichever group I was a bit out-of-step.  I did not have too much in common with many of the stay-at-home mothers when my kids were younger.  Many of the women I could do things with when I was off of work in the evenings either had no children or had much older children.  Most of our friends have come from church-related and volunteer activities.  We moved last year and were just beginning to meet people when COVID hit.  I knew two colleagues when I took my new job, but one died unexpectedly shortly after I accepted the job and the other decided to take an early retirement and will be moving from the area.  So, we don't really have any friends locally.  We had just settled on a church to attend, but it has not been having in-person worship or events.  The volunteer opportunities I had lined up have also been put on hold because of COVID.  So, what is difficult for us anyway, has become even more difficult due to COVID.  

However, DH and I have a number of friends we consider very close who do not live locally.  In fact, DH realizes that he has seen one of these friends on four different continents--which is unusual for someone who isn't a relative.  We don't do Facebook or other social media, but we tend to see these friends for longer periods of time while we are traveling.  Those friendships are interesting and gives us broad perspectives about the world; we share more with them than many people probably do with local friends they see all of the time.  But, it is different, because it isn't someone you can call for a ride if your car breaks down or who will bring you a pot of soup if you are ill.  

 

 

[Carol in Cal.]

7 minutes ago, regentrude said:

I am sorry. I did not mean to accuse you personally of anything. I was just struck by your horror and the many exclamation points with which you expressed that you found this inappropriate - when the reverse is an almost everyday occurrence for non-Christians in the bible belt and barely registers as inappropriate with the majority. 

Character assassination by association?  Really not cool.  And not the first time, either.  Enough.

[prairiewindmomma]

My best advice is to get involved in activities that you enjoy, and hope to find friends there.

Join in for 3D printer night at the library. Or volunteer with the local STEM club for girls. Volunteer at a food bank. Sit on the city finance committee as a citizen volunteer.  Attend university lectures open to the community.

Whatever your jam is, do that, and hope to stumble into like minded people. 

[prairiewindmomma]

Coming back to add....I do think it is hard to find women with free time for socializing who are the parents of younger children.  The one thing that I can convince friends my age to do is to meet at 8:30pm at a restaurant for drinks/appetizers/desserts. It's a no-prep, low commitment activity away from children. 

[regentrude]

2 minutes ago, Carol in Cal. said:

Character assassination by association?  Really not cool.  And not the first time, either.  Enough.

Huh? I wasn't assassinating anyone's character. I merely wanted to point out that the reverse experience s so common as not to raise eyebrows. That was NOT meant as a statement about you or your character, and I am sorry if it came across that way.

[Carol in Cal.]

1 minute ago, prairiewindmomma said:

Coming back to add....I do think it is hard to find women with free time for socializing who are the parents of younger children.  The one thing that I can convince friends my age to do is to meet at 8:30pm at a restaurant for drinks/appetizers/desserts. It's a no-prep, low commitment activity away from children. 

This is true.  I was in a very successful moms’ group for quite a long time, and the reason it worked is that we morphed it as the kids grew up.  It started as a moms’ group with babies along, changed to a play group when they were toddlers, because less active when some started going to preschool, and then become just a moms’ dinner group for quite a while—very low key. We took turns picking a restaurant each month, got the word out as to which one it was, made reservations, and then met up there.  Who ever could come, did so.  And who ever couldn’t might show up the next time.  We kept that up for over 10 years.

[shawthorne44]

On work friends.   I've always been leery of work friends when it is your career.   When I was a teen it was fine.   But, friendships can cause drama at work, particularly female-female friendships.  

[regentrude]

33 minutes ago, prairiewindmomma said:

I do think it is hard to find women with free time for socializing who are the parents of younger children.

Unless the socializing happens with the children present. When my kids were little, I spent three hours every afternoon at the park, and so did some other moms, and some of us became very close friends. I am still friends with one of them, but I moved overseas.

I see that some families with small kids manage to develop friendships because they do things together as families - hike on weekends with the kids for example. That is much easier when the kids are younger, of course - before they want to do their own thing.

 

Edited December 15, 2020 by regentrude

[Carol in Cal.]

46 minutes ago, shawthorne44 said:

On work friends.   I've always been leery of work friends when it is your career.   When I was a teen it was fine.   But, friendships can cause drama at work, particularly female-female friendships.  

Yeah, the dress for success era was tough on me in that regard.  You just did. Not. Confide much in your colleagues.  And you didn’t talk about relationships or family ties very much either.  I found that my ‘cohort’ became true friends, though.

[mom2scouts]

I could have written almost every word of this post. I only have one or maybe two local people that I would call friends, but they are rarely free to get together. I've had good friends in the past, but all of them have moved away to other states. I really miss the days of camping and swimming and game nights and concerts with friends. All of those people were people I met at church years ago, but I haven't clicked with other church members. I've lived in this area my entire adult life and I've noticed it's harder to make friends with people you've been around for years, but hadn't befriended earlier. I'm also a conservative in a very liberal area and, with the way politics have been the past few years, it's hard to feel comfortable with people who have very different views. I was also in a male dominated field and found I got along better with men. You're definitely not alone.

[Not_a_Number]

Oh, it IS tricky. I'm also a science/math type, and I used to have more friends who are guys than who are women... however, my male friends have not generally become very close friends, for a variety of reasons... first of all, I tend to be acutely aware if guys find me attractive, so the friendships never felt entirely free of romantic tension, and secondly, their wives weren't comfortable with us being close friends. (No, nothing ever happened with any of them. But they felt threatened. I get it, honestly.) 

I made one really good woman friend when we lived in Austin, and it was through our kids -- they went to the same preschool, and we used to hang out and chat after preschool while our kids played. I've found that you do need to cultivate people -- if you like someone reasonably well, it's a good idea to invite them to stuff and to try to get to know them better. That worked for me in Austin, anyway 🙂 . 

Nowadays, I tend to have more people try to cultivate me than vice versa, because I'm really PICKY about my friends, which occasionally leads to hurt feelings 😞 . I haven't found anyone in NYC I would want to be close friends with yet, alas -- of course, the pandemic year isn't helping with that 😉 . There were a couple of near misses, but that's it. (Ironically, my very good friend from Austin is actually originally from NYC, lol. But she's still in Austin and doesn't plan to move!!)

I also try to work on maintaining my friendships from other parts of my life. I keep in touch with a couple of people from grad school, and we visit them and whatnot 🙂 . I find that helpful, along with the more casual interactions locally. 

Edited December 15, 2020 by Not_a_Number

[EmilyGF]

Thanks to everyone who responded; it gives me hope and encouragement during a time that has been rough. Also, it feels good to know I'm not quite as strange as I thought I was. 😉

I think I was really hopeful this fall because it looked like I was going to be spending a fair amount of time with someone I think I could click with and then BAM, rates are way up and life shut down again. 

I appreciate your stories and they give me a lot of encouragement and hope, to not give up, to look in strange places, and to keep going.

Deleting top post now...

Emily

 

[Bootsie]

45 minutes ago, regentrude said:

Unless the socializing happens with the children present. When my kids were little, I spent three hours every afternoon at the park, and so did some other moms, and some of us became very close friends. I am still friends with one of them, but I moved overseas.

I see that some families with small kids manage to develop friendships because they do things together as families - hike on weekends with the kids for example. That is much easier when the kids are younger, of course - before they want to do their own thing.

 

Personally, I found it difficult to maintain friendships with other families when our kids were young.  One parent would get upset because another parent let kids bring juice to the park.  Another parent would remove their kids because other children were using language that was not allowed in their family.  Another parent would get upset because the children were using the slide or other playground equipment inappropriately.  Another parent would get upset that the children were  swinging too high.  Another wanted to stand and monitor to ensure that each child had an equal turn--to the second.  Or if, they had a girl our son's age and a boy our daughter's age--they thought it wasn't an appropriate match.  DD had a good male friend in kindergarten--at one point they said something about "when we are married" --the parents called us for a long talk about how we were going to need to separate them, and perhaps even intervene with their playing together at kindergarten.  When it got to the point that one family left because of the word another child used ("divorce"), I just couldn't take much more.  I don't know if it was just the community we were living in but each parent had such strong, rigid views of parenting that you were bound to clash. 

[mom2scouts]

2 hours ago, prairiewindmomma said:

Coming back to add....I do think it is hard to find women with free time for socializing who are the parents of younger children.  The one thing that I can convince friends my age to do is to meet at 8:30pm at a restaurant for drinks/appetizers/desserts. It's a no-prep, low commitment activity away from children. 

I know a woman who tried to do a mom's monthly night out one year. She compiled a list of all the women she knew and liked and texted a monthly invite. She tried to pick places where there was a variety of food options,at different prices so that finances or food allergies wouldn't keep anyone away. She also polled the group for the best monthly date and then alternated between the two most popular. When it worked, it was great, but she would cancel if there were less than three other people definitely coming. Unfortunately, most of the women had teenagers so sports and other teen events, college visits, and other unexpected events often kept the women from making a commitment to come and the group lasted less than a year.

[YaelAldrich]

I'll join this group of ladies - perhaps WE should get together?  

I have lots of people who are friendly with me and I with them but no soul friends.  I tend to make friends with men much more easily than women and that is frowned upon in the community in which I live.  My (male) best friend broke our friendship off a couple of years ago and it pains me even until today.  I am a great listener but don't trust just anyone with my innermost feelings.  I have a great husband who with much marital and personal therapy understands now that he should be there emotionally for me.  But I really wish I had even one soulmate type friend aside from my husband.  It sucks so bad.