Ausmumof3 Posted December 11, 2020 Share Posted December 11, 2020 Heartlikealion is? I don’t want to post too much just in case and will edit in a bit. But if anyone’s in touch let her know we are thinking of her here and hoping she’s ok. 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Storygirl Posted December 11, 2020 Share Posted December 11, 2020 I haven't heard from her, but I've been wondering. @heartlikealion we are thinking of you. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maize Posted December 11, 2020 Share Posted December 11, 2020 I was just thinking of her this morning as well. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vonfirmath Posted December 11, 2020 Share Posted December 11, 2020 1 hour ago, Ausmumof3 said: Heartlikealion is? I don’t want to post too much just in case and will edit in a bit. But if anyone’s in touch let her know we are thinking of her here and hoping she’s ok. I've been wondering too but could not remember her username 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted December 11, 2020 Share Posted December 11, 2020 I hope she will update. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommyoffive Posted December 11, 2020 Share Posted December 11, 2020 Heart, I am thinking of you too. Wishing you the best. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
heartlikealion Posted January 1, 2021 Share Posted January 1, 2021 Hey. well I’m ok but life is very messy right now. I got served nasty divorce papers in late Oct. My mom died Nov. 1. They messed up her headstone and my dad is trying to correct it (“she was loved by all” ended up “she was always loved”). Dh and kids went to his mom’s for Thanksgiving. I hosted one at our place and my sister, aunt, and father came. Kids and Dh ate leftovers with us on Black Friday. Hearing was scheduled Dec 8 but my lawyer couldn’t make it that day and I preferred to not have it around the holidays. It got rescheduled for March. I’m just in limbo regarding everything. Custody, where to live, what phone plan to get, you name it. I’m working my 2 part time jobs and planning to secure something FT because my current income isn’t enough to live on. I’m keeping the cat. That’s about all I know lol Saving my money to pay lawyer fees and plan for move + furniture or whatever. I probably shouldn’t post much but none of that info is news to dh. I haven’t looked at the board in a while so I’m out of the loop on what’s new with everyone. Thank you for thinking of me. 5 33 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happi duck Posted January 1, 2021 Share Posted January 1, 2021 (hugs) 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted January 1, 2021 Share Posted January 1, 2021 hugs 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ausmumof3 Posted January 1, 2021 Author Share Posted January 1, 2021 Huge hugs. What a stressful time for you. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hannah Posted January 1, 2021 Share Posted January 1, 2021 So sorry for the loss of your Mom Heart. What a terrible time for you. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
heartlikealion Posted January 1, 2021 Share Posted January 1, 2021 The good part about my mom is she is no longer suffering. Her ability to speak went in and out with Parkinson’s but she was able to tell me she loved me during one of my trips to see her. I was with her in the hospital when she passed. She was very religious and died on All Saint’s Day. I went to the funeral as did one sister. We got the church to use their live streaming equipment to stream the service for the sister in England. The service is hosted on YouTube, actually so others were able to view it as well. I know I won’t be homeless. I found some possible places but I want to do more than make ends meet. I need enough to save, pay debt, etc. If necessary I’ll apply for SNAP but my kids outaged WIC. I don’t think I’ll need to apply, though. I think I’ll be ok. I was a little discouraged that one interview I had was a complete waste of everyone’s time (different librarian job... they had a lot of applicants and many had library degrees. Totally fine but why interview me at all then only to point that out?). Their library is open weird hours, anyway and didn’t pay a whole lot. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zoo Keeper Posted January 1, 2021 Share Posted January 1, 2021 My deepest sympathy on your loss. Prayers that this new chapter in your life smooths out soon. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted January 1, 2021 Share Posted January 1, 2021 I'm so sorry for all you've had to deal with all at once. Things will probably be hard for awhile, but at some point it will get better. I'm sure the not knowing is as difficult as the circumstances of your divorce. You will get through it though. Hugs. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommyoffive Posted January 1, 2021 Share Posted January 1, 2021 I am so sorry for your loss. I am sorry life is so messy right now. I am sending lots of prayers and good thoughts your way. Thanks for checking in, we miss you. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
heartlikealion Posted January 1, 2021 Share Posted January 1, 2021 My biggest concern is how do you share kids if you live in different cities and they are in school? It’s just not logical to me. I know Dh would want me to just get 2 weekends a month and keep kids in private school/live with him. But I’m not on board with that. Nothing makes sense. I’ve read about splits (3 days here/4 days there) but again not logical during a school week. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted January 1, 2021 Share Posted January 1, 2021 1 minute ago, heartlikealion said: My biggest concern is how do you share kids if you live in different cities and they are in school? It’s just not logical to me. I know Dh would want me to just get 2 weekends a month and keep kids in private school/live with him. But I’m not on board with that. Nothing makes sense. I’ve read about splits (3 days here/4 days there) but again not logical during a school week. How far are the towns apart? Is it possible to live halfway in between work in one town and where your dh lives? It's not unusual for people to drive 20-30 minutes to work every day in the area in which I live, so that does color my thinking. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Corbster98 Posted January 1, 2021 Share Posted January 1, 2021 Hugs to you Heart. Life can be messy and you are in the thick of it right now. I am sorry for your loss, heartache and overwhelming frustrations. That is so much at one time. Things will eventually smooth out. Keep your chin up. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-rap Posted January 1, 2021 Share Posted January 1, 2021 I'm so sorry for all you're going through. Life can feel so complicated and overwhelming. I've found that focusing on one step at a time with half an eye out for the next step is the way to go. You'll get through it. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Junie Posted January 1, 2021 Share Posted January 1, 2021 Hugs and prayers. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted January 1, 2021 Share Posted January 1, 2021 56 minutes ago, fairfarmhand said: How far are the towns apart? Is it possible to live halfway in between work in one town and where your dh lives? It's not unusual for people to drive 20-30 minutes to work every day in the area in which I live, so that does color my thinking. That's considered a short commute where I live. (2ds has a co-worker who commutes 90mins? - might be longer - each way.) Heart, I'm sorry things are being difficult. You're in my prayers things will work out. My sympathies on the loss of your mom. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
heartlikealion Posted January 1, 2021 Share Posted January 1, 2021 It’s very complicated/lots of factors. I originally looked for housing closer to Dh but there are other obstacles. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ailaena Posted January 1, 2021 Share Posted January 1, 2021 1 hour ago, heartlikealion said: My biggest concern is how do you share kids if you live in different cities and they are in school? It’s just not logical to me. I know Dh would want me to just get 2 weekends a month and keep kids in private school/live with him. But I’m not on board with that. Nothing makes sense. I’ve read about splits (3 days here/4 days there) but again not logical during a school week. Plenty of people do 3/4 split and make it work - even with school. The key is communication with the school and teachers, letting them know that on Thursday (or whatever), mom drops off and dad picks up. Or giving them a calendar stating exactly which days are which. And leaving said calendar with the kids. And lists for the kids. And consistency. Before you know it, it’s just a way of life and you don’t even think about it! The problem is sometimes when the communication between the parents is virtually none or hostile because you inevitably have to pop over and pick up something that some kid forgot. My point is not to rule that situation out. You can absolutely make it work! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Storygirl Posted January 1, 2021 Share Posted January 1, 2021 I'm so sorry that things have continued to be hard for you. Although I know that many difficult things still have to be managed, I'm hoping that the new year will bring some better days for you and end up being a new beginning. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted January 1, 2021 Share Posted January 1, 2021 1 hour ago, Ailaena said: Plenty of people do 3/4 split and make it work - even with school. The problem is sometimes when the communication between the parents is virtually none or hostile It only takes one parent to make it NOT work. both parents have to be on board. Both parents have to be willing to put the needs of their kids first. sadly - too many put their kids in the middle to spite their ex. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wheres Toto Posted January 1, 2021 Share Posted January 1, 2021 When my oldest was younger and I had joint custody we did week on/week off. Whoever was finishing up their week dropped her off at school Monday morning, the other parent picked up Monday afternoon. She went to school where her dad lived for the remainder of elementary and middle school (about 5 years) then moved to my district for high school. I drove about 90 minutes round trip for the morning drop-off when I had her. Afternoon was better without traffic. I will say she kind of hated switching at school like that because it meant she had so much stuff to bring to school with her. I would swing by her dad's house to pick up stuff she would need but her dad wouldn't so that caused issues. I do think a full week worked better than splitting a week. (((Hugs))) and good luck. I'm sorry you are having to deal with so much along with the holidays. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted January 1, 2021 Share Posted January 1, 2021 I have lived through this and the one thing I know is that visitation is already hard enough without making it more complicated by living in different towns. Think of your kids and how much they will have to be on the road back and forth between houses. Please please find a place to live in the same town as your Dh. If you don’t you can almost be guaranteed that he will get sole custody and you will be left with minimal visitation. If you stay in the same town you should get joint custody and 50 % time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted January 1, 2021 Share Posted January 1, 2021 8 minutes ago, Wheres Toto said: When my oldest was younger and I had joint custody we did week on/week off. Whoever was finishing up their week dropped her off at school Monday morning, the other parent picked up Monday afternoon. She went to school where her dad lived for the remainder of elementary and middle school (about 5 years) then moved to my district for high school. I drove about 90 minutes round trip for the morning drop-off when I had her. Afternoon was better without traffic. I will say she kind of hated switching at school like that because it meant she had so much stuff to bring to school with her. I would swing by her dad's house to pick up stuff she would need but her dad wouldn't so that caused issues. I do think a full week worked better than splitting a week. (((Hugs))) and good luck. I'm sorry you are having to deal with so much along with the holidays. I agree that the week on/week off is pretty simple. My sister has done that for years. They did the exchange on Sunday afternoon though which does make it easier for all the stuff kids haul back and forth. The more things you can have two of the better. Some people think that younger kids do better with the 3/4 split but I don’t know. My boss does that one but he and his child’s mom have a very unique set up. They live next door to each other and they are amazingly focused on the child’s needs. Most co parenting doesn’t go so smoothly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted January 1, 2021 Share Posted January 1, 2021 (edited) dp Edited January 1, 2021 by Scarlett Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Halftime Hope Posted January 1, 2021 Share Posted January 1, 2021 4 hours ago, heartlikealion said: It’s very complicated/lots of factors. I originally looked for housing closer to Dh but there are other obstacles. Heart, what about having the judge keep the kids in the home, and you and dh swap in and out of an apartment that is close by? I'm not sure if that would be helpful to you or not? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted January 1, 2021 Share Posted January 1, 2021 7 minutes ago, Halftime Hope said: Heart, what about having the judge keep the kids in the home, and you and dh swap in and out of an apartment that is close by? I'm not sure if that would be helpful to you or not? I think the reason that won’t work is because the housing is tied to his employment. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Halftime Hope Posted January 1, 2021 Share Posted January 1, 2021 1 minute ago, Scarlett said: I think the reason that won’t work is because the housing is tied to his employment. O, sorry. I vaguely remember that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
heartlikealion Posted January 1, 2021 Share Posted January 1, 2021 I can’t explain the whole story here, but just know it’s complicated and there is literally no housing in dh’s town. Like maybe a sketchy apartment that Dh wouldn’t even let us move near because of gun activity. I have spoken to several real estate agents, called landlords. If I stay near him there is no work close to me that will support me. I don’t get how anyone can do drop off pick up with normal work hours. Most schools won’t let you drop off before a certain time and then you’d be late to your job. Or won’t keep the kids long after school and you rush after work. But maybe there’s a way. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freesia Posted January 1, 2021 Share Posted January 1, 2021 (edited) 47 minutes ago, heartlikealion said: I can’t explain the whole story here, but just know it’s complicated and there is literally no housing in dh’s town. Like maybe a sketchy apartment that Dh wouldn’t even let us move near because of gun activity. I have spoken to several real estate agents, called landlords. If I stay near him there is no work close to me that will support me. I don’t get how anyone can do drop off pick up with normal work hours. Most schools won’t let you drop off before a certain time and then you’d be late to your job. Or won’t keep the kids long after school and you rush after work. But maybe there’s a way. Some schools have before and after care for this. And some moms do it to make money. Edited January 1, 2021 by freesia another thought 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
heartlikealion Posted January 1, 2021 Share Posted January 1, 2021 I think around here they only have after school care. We ran into this obstacle when I interviewed for a teacher assistant job once. They wanted me on campus at 6:45 am and I couldn’t take dd to a daycare by my home and then drive 40 min to the job with those hours. And I wasn’t familiar with any daycares near that school in the boonies. We only had one car at that time. At the private school where kids currently are they take a van both ways. Private school is expensive, though. Part of the reason we have debt from the past. The court hearing is in our county so the judge is more than aware of the school and job obstacles here I think at least. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommyoffive Posted January 1, 2021 Share Posted January 1, 2021 I don't know anything about divorce and custody, so maybe what I am thinking doesn't work at all. Could something like every weekend and the whole summer work? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
heartlikealion Posted January 1, 2021 Share Posted January 1, 2021 36 minutes ago, mommyoffive said: I don't know anything about divorce and custody, so maybe what I am thinking doesn't work at all. Could something like every weekend and the whole summer work? I don’t know, either. But we both work in summer even though Dh is at a school. At this point I have more questions than answers and no one can really answer them. 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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