Popular Post Carrie12345 Posted October 23, 2020 Popular Post Share Posted October 23, 2020 My oldest son’s grandmother passed away the other day. I touched base with him a few times, my dds have been sharing the cute little memories they had, talked to ds for over two hours yesterday, and wrote out a longish card to the family last night. Okay. This morning, I was making coffee and just started sobbing out of nowhere. It’s so unlike me, but there it was. I was unmarried and pregnant at 20. I guess I was kind of fortunate, or supposed to think I was fortunate, that my family didn’t disown me. But they definitely didn’t embrace me, either. My mother never talked to me about my pregnancy. My aunt hid my younger cousins from me. Everyone completely adored the kid I birthed, but it was as if he came out of nowhere and the previous 9 months had gone ignored. Except for my ex’s mom. That woman was, in every situation, full of kindness and acceptance, and carried enough excitement about the baby that was to be for 10 people. She was encouraging, flattering, generous, and, yes, involved to the point of sometimes making me insane, from the time she knew and forever after, lol. It would be impossible for any other human being in any other situation to be more supportive than this woman. Who, by the way, did step back whenever boundaries were set, putting her disappointment aside out of genuine respect. Down the road, our relationship waned because she knew it made her son and his wife uncomfortable. It was a loss for me, but one I could respect. Ds was getting older, and happily relayed our “Hi”s, congratulations, and inquiries about our well being back and forth. Even from afar, it was easy to see what a terrific grandmother she was to all of her grandchildren. I am so grateful to have had the most wonderful person in my corner during one of the scariest times of my life. I write this as a bit of a catharsis for myself, but also as a kind of PSA. 22+ years later, I have some scars. How we handle disapproval or disappointment for things young people do matters both in the moment and for a lifetime. I’m not sure I would be who I am if not for the impact of the unconditional love I received from a place I wasn’t expecting. I might have only known shame and heartache. I might not have found the confidence and pride I developed without someone constantly reflecting my worth back to me. The messages we send matter. Be a Marcia. 🙂 65 7 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Drama Llama Posted October 23, 2020 Share Posted October 23, 2020 Thank you for sharing Marcia with us. She sounds really wonderful. I am glad you have those memories, and I am sorry for your loss. 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
klmama Posted October 23, 2020 Share Posted October 23, 2020 ((Carrie)) So sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing your story. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ScoutTN Posted October 23, 2020 Share Posted October 23, 2020 (edited) Thanks for sharing such a powerful story. I am sorry for your loss. Edited October 23, 2020 by ScoutTN 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Selkie Posted October 23, 2020 Share Posted October 23, 2020 What a sweet tribute. I'm glad you had her in your life. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TravelingChris Posted October 23, 2020 Share Posted October 23, 2020 I am sorry for your loss and yes, I can definitely see why you are so very sad. How kind she was! And yes, the hardest parenting I have encountered is with my adult children. We all have to bite our tongues and love our kids, important people in our lives, anyway. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maize Posted October 23, 2020 Share Posted October 23, 2020 (edited) What a lovely tribute. I'm glad you had a loving and generous woman in your life. Let those tears flow, they sound appropriate and cathartic. (((Hugs))) Edited October 23, 2020 by maize 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ashfern Posted October 23, 2020 Share Posted October 23, 2020 Sorry for your loss. She sounds like a great person. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lmrich Posted October 23, 2020 Share Posted October 23, 2020 What a lovely tribute to a kind and warm person. Sorry for you loss. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kassia Posted October 23, 2020 Share Posted October 23, 2020 I'm sorry for your loss. What a wonderful tribute to her and I'm glad you had such a special person in your life. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommyoffive Posted October 23, 2020 Share Posted October 23, 2020 I am so sorry for your loss. What a powerful story, thank you for that. I am glad she came into your life when you needed her. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Familia Posted October 23, 2020 Share Posted October 23, 2020 That was a beautifully written tribute. I am sorry for your and your son’s loss. Thanks for the advice. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Junie Posted October 23, 2020 Share Posted October 23, 2020 She sounds like a lovely person. Hugs to you and your son. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pam in CT Posted October 23, 2020 Share Posted October 23, 2020 Oh (( Carrie )) . What a blessing, to have had Marcia in your life and your son's. And 2 hours ago, Carrie12345 said: ...I am so grateful to have had the most wonderful person in my corner during one of the scariest times of my life. I write this as a bit of a catharsis for myself, but also as a kind of PSA. 22+ years later, I have some scars. How we handle disapproval or disappointment for things young people do matters both in the moment and for a lifetime. I’m not sure I would be who I am if not for the impact of the unconditional love I received from a place I wasn’t expecting. I might have only known shame and heartache. I might not have found the confidence and pride I developed without someone constantly reflecting my worth back to me. The messages we send matter. Be a Marcia. 🙂 I'm crying myself. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stephanier.1765 Posted October 23, 2020 Share Posted October 23, 2020 I'm so sorry for your loss. Those people who show us such amazing kindness stay in our hearts even when they are no longer in our lives. 💗 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ditto Posted October 23, 2020 Share Posted October 23, 2020 I am very sorry for your loss. This is a beautiful tribute. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tanaqui Posted October 23, 2020 Share Posted October 23, 2020 I'm glad you had her. You didn't deserve that mistreatment by your family, so I'm doubly glad she was there. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jaybee Posted October 23, 2020 Share Posted October 23, 2020 A beautiful tribute to her. And a reminder to me that my actions and attitudes do influence people, for better or worse. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted October 23, 2020 Share Posted October 23, 2020 I'm sorry for your loss. It sounds like she not only understood her "job description" - she fulfilled it to the best of her ability. I have a friend who continued to have a relationship with her ex-mil even after she remarried. she had three children with her first husband, but I watched her ex-mil with her dd with her 2nd husband. She treated that little girl like she was one of her own grandchildren (she had many), even though the only "real" relationship was the half-sister of three of her actual grandchildren. I've always considered her an example of "how to do it right". 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hunter Posted October 24, 2020 Share Posted October 24, 2020 I have had to repeatedly step away from people I love to make room for other people to have what I want most. Stepping away is the true love. Yes, when they pass it hurts a LOT, and more, not less than if you have never stepped aside. I know what you mean about people being there at the critical moments that were unsurvivable without them, and not there later. I have a lot of those moments. And some of those people were not ones that I stepped aside; it is far more complicated and they are far more mucked up. But they were there in the moment, when no one else was. I am alive and I am who I am because they were there. She was wonderful, but so are you! So are you! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ausmumof3 Posted October 24, 2020 Share Posted October 24, 2020 I’m sorry for you and your sons loss but thanks for sharing your story. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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