What things do you say that drive your kids crazy?

[fairfarmhand]

My dh says “if you have energy to whine (or bicker) you have energy to work.” 

Mine is “figure it out”

we’re so mean.

[Slache]

I care not for your woes.

[purpleowl]

"Oh, you don't have to want to. You just have to do it."

[scholastica]

We sing “ You can’t always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you just might find, you get what you need.” 

“Life is pain, princess!”

”If life were fair, there wouldn’t be rich people.” (Bonus points if you get the reference!)

 

[moonflower]

Me: "clean the kitchen
Child (they're all the same): "I don't want to clean the kitchen."

Me: "I didn't ask if you wanted to clean the kitchen; I don't care whether you want to clean the kitchen.  It is irrelevant.  Just clean the kitchen."

 

[Momto6inIN]

Life isn't fair, get used to it.

You don't have to if you want to.

Smartest one gives in first.

You get what you get and you don't throw a fit. 

Sounds like you need either a nap or a job.

[moonflower]

31 minutes ago, fairfarmhand said:

My dh says “if you have energy to whine (or bicker) you have energy to work.” 

Mine is “figure it out”

we’re so mean.

I also do the bolded a lot.  They have the internet!  They have youtube videos and wikipedia and cooking blogs!  Figuring it out has never been easier in the history of humanity.

[fairfarmhand]

Thank you, all.

These are fun.

And I may have added "You can't always get what you want" to my iTunes playlist.

[Carrie12345]

“How do YOU think you spell it?”

I never spell something for them until they try first. 

Also, “Clean the bathroom.” 😒

[bluemongoose]

Did you read the directions before asking me how to do this?

I didn't ask if you wanted to do it; I said it needs doing.

Look it up.

Food.  (This is my response to "what's for dinner". If I told them what we were having, at least one kid would then whine about it...so I just say food)

That is none of your business.

[SKL]

I didn't ask if you wanted to.

Make it happen.

Figure it out.

"There's a song like that .... [break into any song that happens to use the same combination of words the kid just said]"

[purpleowl]

39 minutes ago, bluemongoose said:

Food.  (This is my response to "what's for dinner". If I told them what we were having, at least one kid would then whine about it...so I just say food)

I do this one, too. And sometimes mine like to ask "what's dinner," and I say, "The largest meal of the day; for us, it's generally the evening meal."

 

[forty-two]

"If you're not hungry enough for a fruit or veggie, you're not that hungry."

When they are particularly whiny about "but I don't waaaaaaaaaant to", I pull out "Mom Petunia" (aka Aunt Petunia from Harry Potter, but how she treats her son Dudley).  In the most over-the-top dramatic, histrionic voice I can manage: "Oh, my poor little Diddy-darling!  Of course you can't do something you don't want!  You'd *die*, having to do something you don't want!"  (The kids super hate this - dh says I do sound quite condescending - but it replaces me blowing my top over persistent "I don't wanna", so I consider it a step up.  But I reserve it for extra-persistent cases.)

When kids ask what's for dinner, dh will say, "Fried ice and pickled eel's feet" (two impossible things).

[athena1277]

My oldest (16yo) often acts as though anything bad that happens is someone doing something to her.  Whether it’s coop canceled due to weather or math that she finds frustrating.  I finally gave up explaining to her that it’s not personal.  Now I just tell her, “It’s all a conspiracy.”  

[SKL]

Oh yes, I use "it's a conspiracy" too.  Clearly moms around the world are united in our goal to make things unpleasant for our children.  That's the only logical explanation sometimes.

[DesertBlossom]

"Someone else's bad behavior does not justify your own." When a kid tries to tell me why they were doing something they shouldn't have been doing. Like just because everyone else is speeding down the highway doesn't mean I can or that a police officer won't pull me over and write me a ticket.

[SquirrellyMama]

It's better than getting poked in the eye with a sharp stick.

Since they didn't like that one I have started with:

It's better than getting kicked in the teeth by a horse.

Kelly

[Sneezyone]

“I’m sorry. Does ‘FRIEND’ live here? Is their last name ‘OURLASTNAME’? NO? Then they aren’t my responsibility. I am responsible for YOU!”

[Forget-Me-Not]

You do not live in a restaurant; come help with the dishes. 

You do not live in a hotel; pick up after yourself. 

[Bambam]

My dh says, "Research that and write a report on it and bring it to me." 

They stopped asking him questions. 

[HeartString]

Good Morning. 

Hello. 

They might all be going through a prickly phase.  

 

[Tanaqui]

"I didn't say you left the $MESS, and I don't care either. I simply asked you to help clean it up, as a member of this household."

"When I asked you to $DOTHETHING, I wasn't really asking. I was telling you, but with manners. Thanks to you, we no longer can maintain the polite fiction that you had a choice. Get up and do it."

[Cecropia]

5 hours ago, SKL said:

"There's a song like that .... [break into any song that happens to use the same combination of words the kid just said]"

Oh yes, I love singing a half-***ed parody I just conjured up to poke fun at the absurdity of the situation -- they act like they hate it, but they're stifling big smiles!

I'm surprised no one has said, "Go to bed."  That's much worse than "wake up."

"You poor thing..."

"You need to shower."

"If I look busy, it means I am."

"You need to wait. Around here everyone waits."

[Slache]

I don't wake my children. I bribe them to stay in bed. You should try it.

[Slache]

1 minute ago, happysmileylady said:

🤣

 

What time is the best for the bribe?  Does 2 in the afternoon work? lol

Yes!

My kids would get up at 5 if I let them. I taught the oldest to tell time when he was 4 SOHEWOULDSTAYINBED!

[BarbecueMom]

“If you already knew all the answers, we be wasting my time and yours.” Said in response to complaints about learning anything new.  Or reviewing anything.

[Slache]

Just now, happysmileylady said:

I don't think any of my kids have ever woken up before 6am after they started sleeping through the night.  

On the other hand, if I don't wake them up, there have actually been times that 1:30 in the afternoon is their "morning."  Now, I am nocturnal myself so they come by it naturally, but really, the world just doesn't work that way lol.  

Wanna trade for a few weeks?

[73349]

32 minutes ago, happysmileylady said:

Lol.  Not around here.  Around here, go to bed is SO much easier than "wake up."  And it certainly doesn't involve all the growling that "wake up" is always met with lol

Oh, we have different sorts of children. I bought mine his own clock when he was just learning his numbers. It turns from blue (night) to yellow (day) at a parent-set time. We started with 6 AM and now have a nice, reasonable 6:30. My guess is that this is why yellow is his favorite color.

If we have to get up unusually early, dude will still bounce out of bed. We once had to wake him at like midnight so DH could drive me to an emergency room--he was perfectly happy to wake up, get shoes on and go for a ride.

"Go get ready for bed" STILL gets me a cranky But I don't wanna or But I'm not tired the majority of nights.

Which is why I am also team That Was an Instruction, Not an Inquiry About Your Preferences.

[SKL]

Off topic ... re sleeping in the morning ... I used to tell my tots that they come get me "when the sun came up."  Before that they were supposed to be in bed.  It worked remarkably well!  I am not a morning person and need my sleep.

[MaBelle]

First of all remember- my kids are all grown.

I need help with this horse.

I'm going out of town, who's going to scoop the cat boxes?

My football team is better than yours. (True.  I'm a Bama fan and they are not Clemson fans, so....)

I'm going to take your child to a rock concert.  (This is always voted down immediately but I keep trying)

Stay out of my booze and/or Where is your booze??