Houdini toddler keeps escaping

[caedmyn]

*Please don't quote, I'll delete later.  Really not looking to be told what a lousy mother I am because he keeps escaping.*

My almost 3 yo is an escape artist.  He loves being outside and will go to great lengths to get there.  I've run out of childproofing options to keep him in (not to mention his older siblings frequently leave the doors open).  The front door is childproofed and he can't get out it as long as no one forgets to close it.  If someone forgets to close it, he's generally out the door before I can even get over to it to close it.  The back door is a sliding door with the sliding part on the outside.  We have a "childproof" lock near the top of the door, but he can unlock it by climbing up the back of a chair (the door is in the dining room), or using the end of a broom, or a toy sword, or other similar objects.  If someone goes out it there's no way to re-lock it from the outside, so then he can escape.  I try to enforce the older kids only going out the front door, but they still periodically go out the back, giving him another escape route.  Our house has a brick wall separating the front and back yard and he can climb right over it on one side of the house, and climb over the gate on the other side.  Yesterday he discovered that he can push things over to the basement family room windows and climb up to them and get outside that way.  He likes to run down the sidewalk and play in anyone's sprinklers that are on, or run down to DD's friend's house at the end of the block, or chase bunnies.   I think a neighbor potentially calling the police/CPS is more of a concern than his escapades being a safety hazard (due to very little traffic on our street which is not a through street, and good visibility as few people parking on the street, plus he stays on our side of the street).  We had an incident a few days ago where most of my kids including the 2 yo were playing with the hose on the side of the house, and the 2 yo decided to strip and then bolt down the sidewalk right as a neighborhood patrol drove by (they're operated through the police department but staffed by volunteers).  It took my older kids a minute to realize he was gone and when they went to get him he started screaming and wouldn't come back.  They said the neighborhood patrol circled around and parked by the side of the road watching them.  As soon as I heard him screaming I went out and got him and brought him inside.  I had just checked on them a few minutes before this happened and he was playing in the hose with the others.  The neighborhood patrol drove off after after I had him.  I assume they didn't contact CPS as it's been a week or so and nobody's showed up at my doorstep.  It's so frustrating that he keeps getting outside and there don't seem to be any other options for childproofing.  Hopefully DH will add a wood fence on top of the brick wall to at least keep him in the back yard if he goes out the back.  There's no way to contain him to one room inside the house to keep him from getting out (semi-open floor plan and he can climb any gate out there anyway).  I'm thinking about getting one of those kids' geotracking devices to attach to his clothes, but that wouldn't keep him from getting out, it would just alert me when he does get out (assuming they work that well).  Is there some way I'm not thinking of to try to keep him from getting outside?

[maize]

You can buy inexpensive door and window alarms, put one on your back door and any windows he might use.

[Tanaqui]

You're not a bad mother. A bad mother wouldn't care. We had one of those on our block when we were kids, and the fact that she didn't know where her three year old was all day - or care that the child was out alone - was the least of it.

I would definitely put alarms on every window and door, and during the day, though, and not have him play outside without an adult watching... which, yeah, means that if you go in to pee, he has to come with. He sounds super smart.

[gardenmom5]

for the front door - can you install a self-closing hinge?   

[happi duck]

I was the escape artist.  My family would find me on the outside of a still locked door! (old style where you could move part to get around the lock)

I hope something works out!  (hugs)

[Katy]

I was coming to say the cheap self-stick alarms too.  Also I would make a flyer with his face and name on it,  a "Houdini Toddler Alert," your phone number, and go around to meet your neighbors.  Tell them you're worried about this, and while you're installing alarms and different locks, if they ever see him on the run to please call you immediately.

You can also get a deadbolt for your back door that requires a key to unlock from either side.  You can even hang the key nearby (out of reach) in case of fire or something,  but it will require way too much work for kids to bother with and they'll go out the front door.

[Junie]

You have gotten some good advice about keeping him in -- I especially like the alarm idea.

I think that you also need to figure out a deterrent so that he will want to stay in.  This type of behavior is dangerous.  You need to get to the root of the problem or he will just keep trying to thwart your efforts.

 

[Junie]

18 minutes ago, Tanaqui said:

You're not a bad mother. A bad mother wouldn't care. We had one of those on our block when we were kids, and the fact that she didn't know where her three year old was all day - or care that the child was out alone - was the least of it.

I would definitely put alarms on every window and door, and during the day, though, and not have him play outside without an adult watching... which, yeah, means that if you go in to pee, he has to come with. He sounds super smart.

Oh, and I totally agree with this.  Having an escape artist does not make you a bad mother.

Every mom on this message board has *something* that she is dealing with regarding her children.

[RootAnn]

I just had flashbacks to my now 9 yr old's toddler days. Yipes.

We ended up with both a stranger bring him back  (1 block) in their car as he's screaming his head off & the police showing up once after one of his escapes. You've gotten some good advice. Good luck. Only getting older helped (so he tells me he's going out wandering). He didn't talk (other than repeat) until he was over 3, so . . . I had another level of panic.

[Lecka]

I had an escape artist, too.  You’re definitely not a lousy mother!  Good luck. 

I got advice to lay a garden hose or piece of rope in my yard to form a visible boundary, and over time this helped.  It’s not like it worked quickly, but I think it did help over time.  I didn’t leave it out over time, but I would put it out when we were in the front yard.  

The alarms are what I have heard recommended, too, but I didn’t hear of that until my son was older. 

Edited July 9, 2019 by Lecka

[prairiewindmomma]

I had two that were escape artists.

We put alarms on every door and window.  If you think the windows are going to be an issue, you might also consider installing window locks so that the window cannot be opened more than 4".  We installed them after we heard the alarm and discovered our four year old pulling himself onto the roof.

We developed the rule that 1. Child needed to be paired with a sibling or parent at all times (we took shifts), 2. If other children were going outside, I needed to be there to let them out and to make sure the door was re-secured properly (we had extra keyed locks installed), and 3. we worked on getting a LOT of sensory input into that kid each day. We did swing time, planks, indoor trampoline, daily walks and trips to the park, etc.  It's going to take intense parenting and a lot of proactive management to get through to the elementary years when a bit of judgment will start to kick in.

-----You might look up here on the boards the adventures of Marvelous Flying Marco.  He's one of the few kids who could've given mine a run for their money.  She has really good posts on what she did to keep MFM safe/alive, and I learned from her wisdom.  As an aside, MFM was diagnosed with autism later on and both of mine tested as highly gifted. One is quirky with diagnosed SPD. When toddlers are that high maintenance, keep sensory and attention and gifted issues on your radar. Something is making them that intense, iywkim. Once you sort out what is driving the kid, it will be easier to manage.

[Pen]

Nylon laundry line tied to 2 clothes points on the Houdini  (one makes just taking off the clothing item too easy), like back of pants belt loop and tail of shirt.  Or a toddler harness and leash system. A human holds the other end.  Or attached to hands free belt if needed, but it’s easier to notice tugs or suddenly going slack type warnings of a runner with ones hands on  😆

also alarms and so on

[BooksandBoys]

I had a runner and a climber who had no sense of, well, sense, but I didn’t realize he was an escape artist too until he showed me. I knew he was a runner, and I had plenty of safety methods to keep him from doing that (leashes in public, carefully choosing outings, being hyper-vigilant). However, at age 2, he unlocked the front door, ran down the sidewalk and across the next street where he was hit by a car. He spent a couple of days in the hospital, but walked away fine. We ended up with key deadbolts and alarms on all of our doors. And a lot of therapy. I even had alarms on his bedroom door for a long time too because he would wander at night.

Incidentally, he and the Amazing Flying Marco had a lot of similarities (they aren’t too far apart in age, if I recall), and my son was diagnosed with autism too.

Oh, editing to add that we used (still do) window locks too. He’s just a little too ridiculous around windows. 

Edited July 9, 2019 by BooksandBoys
Adding

[Pen]

Not all child Houdini’s have autism or severe adhd or something neuro atypical, but a lot seem to. 

[Selkie]

2 hours ago, happysmileylady said:

I recommend against this unless you are totally confident about everyone you give the flyer too.  

In the place where DD8 had her yard sale escape, our next door neighbor had a 40yr old son who always gave us weird vibes.  But most other neighbors had no problem letting him around their kids.  About 6 months after we moved here (after spending 4 yrs there) we found out that this 40 yr old son was arrested on multiple counts of child molestation.  Giving out a "here's my kid's picture, name, age, phone number and parents names" flyer, plus "Oh BTW, he tends to take off on a moment's notice"  just screams "HERE'S HOW TO ACCESS MY KID!" to anyone you don't know.

 

But, you mention the idea of a deadbold that requires a key from either side and hanging the key or hiding the key near by, I think that's a great idea if that's something that can be installed.  

Oh wow, I think I remember you talking about that guy! Was he the one who would sit on the porch and watch kids play? I remember it because he sounded so creepy. I'm glad you were able to move away!

[Ottakee]

My brother was like...nicknamed WILD CHILD.  He could undo the hook and eye locks, even way up high by using a broom handle, etc.  My mom bought these types and put them on all outside doors and they helped slow him down as you have to pull back on the spring part before you can lift the hook up.  safety hook and eye latch

[...................]

Have you looked into NEST products?  You can get alarms where if the older kids reach all the way to the top and press the little button, they won't sound for one door opening.  So when they go out they press the button, open the door, leave and then check to make sure he didn't follow.  No alarm.  But if toddler opens door, alarm will sound.  They go ALL THE WAY at the top so no way he can reach no matter what he climbs.

NEST also has face recognition cameras - maybe it can recognize and be set to alert when he leaves.

NEST also can alert you every time someone goes in and out - we have it turned off but it's a feature if you want it.  And when he DOES get out you can check the footage to see where he went and which exit.  You would just get three or four NestCams and point them strategically around your house so most or all of the house exits are covered.  The subscription is very low, and it's much less expensive than using those alarm companies and you don't have to have it set to call a security guard or police, so you don't need to worry about police coming every time the alarm goes off.

 

[Pen]

Back sliding glass door could have a bar lock on bottom slider that you keep the key to so that, short of breaking it, big kids need to use the front door

[kbutton]

I love the alarms idea.

Would he keep a medical ID bracelet on? If so, you might get one with his name and contact information on it--you can buy them where you buy medical IDs. StickyJ is one company with kid sizes. You can also order shoe tags if a bracelet won't work.

Could you slow him down with a cheap roll-up fence in some configuration by the doors? The wire ones with green posts are what I'm thinking of. My parents had one when we were kids, and they would move it from time to time. They didn't fence in the whole yard, and it could be taken down easily or moved. Like this: https://www.lowes.com/pd/Blue-Hawk-Actual-100-ft-x-4-ft-Rolled-wire-Galvanized-Welded-Wire-Farm-Rolled-Fencing/50017406

If you make it into a circle, it will stand up on its own and not even need posts. If you have fussy neighbors, I bet you can move it frequently to assure them it's not permanent. If you keep the grass from growing at the base in clumps, it's not actually that easy to see until you are up close.

[Shoeless]

Door and window alarms, leashes for the runner, multiple locks on doors to slow the kid down, plus my dad actually installed bars on the windows for a short while.  My sister would routinely get out and wander off.  We'd find her asleep on a random neighbor's lawn. 

[sassenach]

Oy, I had one of these. Most memorable moments were when our neighbor returned him to me at 6 in the morning after he figured out the deadbolt and headed down the street. He was 18 months old. It only got better from there. Another stand out moment was when he climbed out the window and then helped his little sister out and they headed down the street. That was at 3 years old. Sister was 1. This kid also liked to sneak into meds and vitamins, so in addition to getting out, we became frequent flyers in the ER for a season. He's the mellowest kid now, you'd never know he was such a terror.

I don't have much to add. We had to use a double keyed lock for the front door, and lock him into his room at night. It sounds like the fencing should be priority #1 so you can at least relax about the backyard. For the front door, if the kids can't be trusted to shut the door behind them, maybe the rule should be that only you and your hubby are allowed to open and close the front door. Laborious but effective. 

 

[mathnerd]

I have seen some door locks that require passwords to open. If you installed one of those, then he will not be able to figure it out - your older kids could know it and keep it a secret from him. BTW/ put one of your older kids on shift watch over him - for example, Sibling 1 keeps an eye on him from breakfast until 10 AM with sibling 2 as the backup as needed, they switch turns after a couple of hours with parents taking turns when they are free. Mine was a runner and escape artist and I am the only person around at home and I got really good at keeping tabs on him as well as noticing the slightest silence in the house because silence meant bad news in my house! 

[...................]

8 hours ago, happysmileylady said:

Yep, same guy.  About 6 months before we moved, we noticed we hadn't seen him in a while.  Then about 6 months after we moved, I was looking around online for something else and came across a newspaper article about his arrest the year before.  

 

I’m pretty sure I remember this scenario as well, you literally moved because of this creep guy right! Soooo scary, thank God you’re protected your kids 

[...................]

That makes his parents culpable 

[Pen]

Fingerprint Password Lock Sliding Door :

and don’t let kids have password

Free Opening Wiring Double Access Electronic Card Smart Door Lock,Silver https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07TXJQPZ8/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_pzOjDbGPVX9TA

 

and then a self closing spring for front door

 

BUT that type of kid will probably quickly outsmart you and the password, or he’ll go out windows, or whatever...   to where only real recourse will be basically a leash (physical, or 24/7 eyes on or inside security camera) till he is old enough to understand not to do it. 

[Janeway]

O..M...G!! Your toddler escapes and you still think you might be a good mom????   

 

Seriously..you are a great mom!!! You have found him every time so far! And he sounds like a super intelligent cutie who will only bring you delight in the end. A few years ago, when one of mine, as a toddler, slipped through a missing slat on a wood fence..to the house behind us and through their yard to the other side. Because of how the neighborhood was, he was a long ways away. It was a cul-de-sac on the other side so I had to walk a bit to go all the way around to the other side. By the time I got there, some man was holding my child and refusing to give him back. He said he called the police on me and would not give me my child back until he turned me in. I was very upset that this man was withholding my child from me. When the officer arrived, he told both of us that it was no big deal and that this town was practically a rodeo of little children. I wanted to press charges against the guy but the officer would not make a report. That was the end of it. I think all the people who sit around watching parents for every single thing to judge has left parents on edge worried about what will happen if kids are kids and parents are normal people too. 

 

I have no advice. I am just glad that child is so much older now. I always just remind myself "this too shall pass." And honestly, I can look back at pictures of him as a toddler and remember how cute he was. I do miss that.

[kiwik]

Tiresome as it is child needs to be in the same room as you at all times.  If other kids are outside and you are busy the child stays inside.  Attach the child to you if necessary  I would be uncomfortable with having a child locked in his own room at night so he may have to be in yours with a lockable from both sides door.  I don't know how old your other kids are but if they are teens maybe they could supervise while you go to the toilet with the house doors locked and alarms on but not outside.

He will grow out of it.  Does he do preschool or anything and if so does he enjoy it.

[kiwik]

Oh and OP.  You are not a lousy mother but you likely are a very tired and stressed one.  If there is a pleasant but high security childcare nearby and you can afford it a morning a week might give you a break.

[MaBelle]

I didn't have one but our neighbor found my three yr old sister sitting in his bathroom.  When he stepped out of the shower!

I bet you're worn out.