Teen boys and hair.

[Laura Corin]

Entirely up to him, so long as it's clean. Once he goes to school, he will have to have it above the collar or tied back (school rules).

 

Laura

[lynn]

I thought someone else posted this and realized it was my old thread revised and had to post an update. The hair is no longer an issue dh gave ds a buzz cut, at ds request. He joined JROTC and came home after day 1 looking for the clippers and asked DH to take it all off.

[Renee in NC]

I thought someone else posted this and realized it was my old thread revised and had to post an update. The hair is no longer an issue dh gave ds a buzz cut, at ds request. He joined JROTC and came home after day 1 looking for the clippers and asked DH to take it all off.

 

:lol:

My 16yo has much shorter hair now than he did when this thread first went up - again, his choice!

[Laura Corin]

Besides, I don't think he could play paintball very well or excel in martial arts if his hair were in the way. :)

 

Just like a girl would and excel.

 

Laura

[pqr]

My boys will always have short hair. They may choose how short as long as it does not cross the ears or fall below the nape of the neck.

 

The issue is not up for debate in my household.

[MamaT]

I haven't read all the other replies, but around here hair is a non-issue. They can decide to buzz it or let it grow long. They can even dye it blue if they want (I've only had one do this so far).

 

There are more important things IMO.

[JFSinIL]

My son has long, flowing blonde locks. He stands out in a crowd! I have no idea how to get a photo from Photoshop into this post or I'd show you!

[lgm]

This is how my middle son looked like during summer (typical skater boy). All my three boys are into long hair, and I don’t mind as long as they keep it clean, try to get it out of the eyes as good as possible, and get it trimmed regularly every few month.

But as you can see this wasn´t the case anymore. He was supposed to get a trim for like 6 month and still refused to go. Before I tell you what actually happened, I would like to ask you, what would you do if your son looked like that and he still refuses to get haircut?

 

BTDT at 12 that look is really common...at 13 they start rethinking the look - modeling the older boys and actors they admire, deciding what makes them look appealing to the girls...at 14 I'm now being asked about how certain hairstyles are created, how much maintenance is involved, and just what would layering do. At 13-14, the understanding starts that a cut or style that looks good on one fella may not enhance the look of another...I mean this in the way that one can make oneself look like a pinhead based on what the style does for the overall body proportions etc. We watched a few episodes of "What Not to Wear" when men were on also.

 

So..to answer your question - I left the style and length alone, trimmed at home while educating the child on the topic of split ends and hair health. Also addressed the issue that caused the kiddo to want to hide behind the hair.

[momtoboys]

My boys are young, and both have short hair. Honestly, my 7 year old likes his hair VERY short because he hates to wash it! Plus, to be truthful, my kids have my hair texture (frizzy! LOL) and their hair would not look as good long as it does short.

 

My rules would be no PERMANENT body changes. My kids are entrusted to my care until they are legally adults. At that point, they can use their own judgment and make their own choices and mistakes regarding *permanent* body markings, etc. . .But, I would not allow a fifteen-year-old to get a tattoo that he would regret at age 18 or 21.

 

We do have to be so careful, as Christians, not to judge by outward appearance. And not to make unnecessary rules for our kids. I was forced to wear dresses and culottes constantly as a young girl, and I will almost NEVER wear a dress now. . .not even to church. I found them uncomfortable and hated sticking out. Now I wear jeans everywhere. I still look like a woman, though. :lol:

[Jennifer in NH]

short hair for men/boys in this house..thats all.

[babysparkler]

Not in the teenage years yet, but my 9yo son likes the long "soccer hair" look, and so do I. I almost cried once when he asked me to cut it short... so I don't think I will have much of a problem with the shaggy look as a teen. (At least until it is time for college interviews maybe?)

[dirty ethel rackham]

My husband and I have talked about this. I really like the look of short hair on boys and men. Dh wants to avoid unnecessary battles, so we have chosen to go with "your hair, your choice." We have explained to our kids that their outward appearance will be important some day. Ds15 has very curly hair and he wears it very short. Ds13 has beautiful wavy hair and he wears it long. I think he does it just to bug me:), but I bite my tongue. I do encourage him to wear it out of his eyes, because it can be seen as anti-social. Funny, this kid rebelling with hair is much more conservative when it comes to clothing.

[LibraryLover]

My 15 yr old has very thick, curly hair and lots of it. It more grows out, rather than down. Sometimes it bothers me, but mostly I don't care. People do comment. lol

[Renee in NC]

I haven't read all the other replies, but around here hair is a non-issue. They can decide to buzz it or let it grow long. They can even dye it blue if they want (I've only had one do this so far).

 

There are more important things IMO.

 

:lol:

 

I told my 16yo that he could die his hair blue, but that I might not go in public with him if he did!:D

[Macrina]

Wow, imagine 12 pages on hair. And 1 deleted post? How did that happen!??

 

DH, age 32, has a ponytail, my FATHER, age 57, has a ponytail. DS age 5 had long hair up until last week, he kept getting pink eye becuase he had to push it out of his eyes all the time. Eww. So he'll probably grow it back out when he's older.

 

Long hair on guys is historical. It's not hippy (OK- it's that too) but it's also historical. I don't think Jesus had a buzz cut, but, hey, maybe I'm wrong. Amazing how some of our morals and vaules are more cutural based than religious.

[Renee in NC]

Wow, imagine 12 pages on hair. And 1 deleted post? How did that happen!??

 

DH, age 32, has a ponytail, my FATHER, age 57, has a ponytail. DS age 5 had long hair up until last week, he kept getting pink eye becuase he had to push it out of his eyes all the time. Eww. So he'll probably grow it back out when he's older.

 

Long hair on guys is historical. It's not hippy (OK- it's that too) but it's also historical. I don't think Jesus had a buzz cut, but, hey, maybe I'm wrong. Amazing how some of our morals and vaules are more cutural based than religious.

 

:D I also found it ironic that it was assumed that boys couldn't do certain things with long hair, but generally people who require short hair on boys want girls with long hair, right?

[Desert Rat]

Well, my boys aren't teenagers yet but we allow them to wear their hair as they choose. Right now my 9yo's is shaved around the sides, long on top (80s skater cut) and my little one has a long shag which he is growing out all one length. It's over his eyes sometimes but he tries to sweep it to the side. I have a rule that I have to see both eyes when talking to them or they get one of my pretty clips to pin it back. :o It works.

I was punk rock in a past life. I don't care about hair. It grows. As long as it's clean, go for it. My oldest has had a bowl cut when he was little, shaved head and mohawk. All are cool with me. JMO

[Desert Rat]

I see this thread has the potential to be another shopping cart thread! LOL I wanted to add that I knew lots of people with very strict rules regarding appearance. They went off to college or out on their own and went CRAZY with piercing and tattoos. FWIW, we teach our boys that facial piercings do leave scars, no tattoos above the collar bone or below the elbow because they can't be hidden, and funny hair gets stares. They know the last one and it's too early for the first two but I'm laying foundations. My theory (and it's just that) is I would rather let them express themselves through clothing and hair, within reason, at home in our safe environment than stifle them and have them rebel once they leave my home. I don't know, maybe they wouldn't anyway. My parents were relatively flexible with me and I did express myself as a teen but now look like any other soccer mom (I do hide several tattoos though).

[Denisemomof4]

haven't read the other responses, but when oldest ds started ps in high school, I should have never had him go in looking the way he did, with a short, trimmed cut and wearing button down Izod type shirts. It set him up to be picked on by the boys (the girls thought he was CUTE!)

 

We've had two shout-at-each-other fights. One was a few months back when our family was under TREMENDOUS stress and I don't even think about it. The other was a few years back about his hair. He has the long shaggy style now. It used to be longer, over his eyes, and that's when we got into an argument. We both lost our tempers and weren't rational - it was all over a HAIR CUT. I decided right then and there that it was NOT important. Christians in the church judged his changed in appearance - THEIR PROBLEM, NOT HIS. It hurt him deeply. It totally DISGUSTED me.

 

I like his hair. And I like to see him happy. He changed how he dresses and he's changed his hair. So what? He's the same kid. Oh, and he's a kid that blends in more at school, doesn't get picked on, and has a TON of friends. It wasn't a peer pressure thing as much as it was that he no longer wanted to be a target.

[Denisemomof4]

oh, I should mention that oldest son has long hair, but it's now shorter in the back, down to the bottom of neck or so. Younger son has had a buzz cut all his life and continues to keep it like that. Go figure. :001_smile:

[amy g.]

I have not read all of the replies.

 

My son had long hair that looked HORRIBLE for years. Dh and I never mentioned it. In the spring, he decided he wanted a hair cut before going to camp.

 

He got it cut, and has kept it short, and looks like a million bucks. I'm so grateful that we waited it out, and let him come up with his own solution.

[Denisemomof4]

My boys all have short hair. They all like it that way, so we've had no battles over their hair.

 

If they wanted to wear their hair long, they would be allowed to--after we're no longer responsible for them. I teach my boys lots of things to help them blend more with society and to influence how society sees them: no picking their nose, keep their fingernails trimmed, no wearing of dirty or torn clothes unless they're doing hard physical work, etc. Having a clean-cut look makes a good first impression, whereas the young men with long hair have to sometimes overcome people's preconceived notions about what their character is like.

 

 

 

this is the exact behavior shown to my son in the church. Lots of hiprocacy. You truly can NOT judge a person by their haircut. That's just so ridiculous. People who do this obviously have a problem.

 

My son is one of the most kind hearted and respectful teenage boys I have ever seen. I don't say that because he's MY son, I say that because he's such a kind soul. THe pastor of our previous church wanted to use my son and another boy as a role model for the youth in their church. And then he grew out his hair and this pastor, a so called man of God, and his pathetic wife publicly shunned my kid. Who had the problem there? The pastor and his wife - NOT my son.

 

Still strikes a cord with me. Judgmental people completely disgust me.

 

I trust my son's judgment and if he becomes a CEO of some company (not my aspirations for him but if HE wants it, he'll get my support!) I trust he'll know how to dress and wear his hair. He's a kid now, no big deal.

 

BTW, there isn't a person on this earth who would look at my son and even think for a second he resembles anything at all feminine. He's a handsome dude.

Edited November 11, 2009 by Denisemomof4

[amy g.]

Denise, I was afraid that something like what happened to your son would happen to mine.

 

I thought that the homeschool group where he takes classes would ask him to cut his hair because their dress code DOES say "no unusual hair styles". I was prepared to let him decide if he wanted to drop his classes resulting in his teachers' losing several hundreds of dollars each month, or volunteering cut his hair.

 

Fortunately, the people in charge cared more about his work ethic and polite attitude than his appearance. That was one bullet I was very happy to dodge.

[HeatherInWI]

Happily, our ds has never liked the shaggy look and is, in fact, disgusted by it. He's eager to go for a haircut along with his dad once a month. He wants to be viewed as a responsible young man and does a lot of work with the public, and I'm sure he realizes that appearance does matter for these things. If he wants to be seen as a responsible worker, looking like a rebel wouldn't help. (Of course, if his goal was to be a musician . . . )

[Amy1k]

For a long time my three boys liked to have their hair long and shaggy...I don't LIKE it, but it's their heads. Luckily, JROTC and their select baseball teams require a neat, short style. :D

[Denisemomof4]

Are you seriously arguing that what is in the video is not harmful? What do you think their job prospects are (in that many companies would not hire them simply because of their looks)? Is this not harmful?

 

I judge by many factors, and yes appearance does play a part. While I may associate with people with piercings or excessive tattoos there is no way this side of the Continental Divide that I would allow them anywhere near my children.

 

wow! How sad to have that outlook!

 

You know, I'm NOT a person to post on hot topics, but since my son was judged by his appearance at church, this is just too close to my heart NOT to post. I honestly need to download a picture of him. He's a good looking kid with LONG HAIR.

 

I think it's SO SAD that you won't let anyone with tattoos and piercings anywhere near your children. I know people with tattoos and piercings that look scary and are the kindest, most devoted Christians I have ever met. Are they judged? Yes. Butg they're not the one with the problem, the one who judges is.

 

Perhaps you'd prefer the clean cut, shaved kids to associate with your kids. We just had a group of FOUR teens kill a mother and seriously injure her 11 year old daughter IN THEIR SLEEP. Perhaps these clean cut, shaven kids would be better for your children to hang around? I hear they severed or nearly severed the daughter's leg with a machete. But at least they didn't have long hair, tattoos or piercings!

 

I'm sorry, I can only imagine how nasty this sounds. But I just can't believe people actually think it's ok to judge others by their appearance. SAD.

[Nicole M]

Who knew this would be such a hot topic?

 

I just tell my boys to enjoy their hair while they have it, since they'll probably be bald as cue balls before they're 30. :D

[Denisemomof4]

I'm going to have to disagree with you. I sat in a courtroom for 11 years of my life, both juvenile and adult criminal court. Haircuts and dress had absolutly no bearing on anything. In fact, we had more conservative children in the juvie system than what you refer to as odd. Way more.

 

when I took my son for his last haircut (he drives now) we met some kids were encouraging him to cut it off - they just had. He said he wasn't ready. There was a woman who kept staring at my son with a large smile on her face. I didn't think it weird, but I did notice. When he went for his haircut she asked me how old he was and I told her 16. (he's 17.5 now) She commented on what a GOOD kid he was and how handsome he was. I said, "Yes, but I sure wish he could cut off that hair!!!) She worked in the PS system and always had. She said that the boys with the longer hair were typically good kids. The ones with the short hair were the trouble makers. She said she's seen it for years.

 

Yes, I've had a few issues with my son but that's it - A FEW. Since he was a toddler people would tell me what a good kid he was. We didn't really have any issues with him until he was 15. Being a teen is tough but I have to say, he's been the easiest. He's going to make a FANTASTIC father and husband someday - he has a heart larger than the universe. Kids seek him out for counsel and advice. He's a true gem. And to see people judge him for his hair (which I'm making it sound like it's far longer than it is) is just sick. I can only imagine how he'll be judged when he gets a tattoo at 18. It's something that means so much to him. He went through a very, very tough year, one where he was picked on at school because of his SHORT hair and CLEAN CUT DRESS. As if that wasn't enough, I suffered a head injury and couldn't cook, clean, shop, read, talk normally for 10 months. Both my parents hill took a serious turn for the worst and my MIL suffered a stroke and heart attack. Then we lost a very, very close friend. It was a tough, tough year on my son and his tattoo has deep meaning behind it. Did I hate the thought of it at first? Yes. But I love him and I support him and the deep meaning behind it is beautiful.

 

I've seen many, many families where the every aspect of the kids were controlled by their parents. They went WILD when they left the home. That's when dh and I started to loosen our standards. We were legalistic and stifling and it wasn't healthy.

[JumpedIntoTheDeepEndFirst]

 

Perhaps you'd prefer the clean cut, shaved kids to associate with your kids. We just had a group of FOUR teens kill a mother and seriously injure her 11 year old daughter IN THEIR SLEEP. Perhaps these clean cut, shaven kids would be better for your children to hang around? I hear they severed or nearly severed the daughter's leg with a machete. But at least they didn't have long hair, tattoos or piercings!

 

This is a tragedy and a heinous crime. The is no getting around that fact. The dress code of the criminals has nothing to do with this. It is not an argument for anything. People of all sizes, shapes, races, and religions commit crimes. Surely you don't want a debate that trades story for story. That would be pointless (and would belittle this family's pain).

 

I'm sorry, I can only imagine how nasty this sounds. But I just can't believe people actually think it's ok to judge others by their appearance. SAD.

 

And I'm sorry to say that you may aspire to this ideal but I promise you that everyone, everywhere is being judged on their appearance everyday. In job interviews, at school, at church, in stores, on TV, in magazines, in the bank when you apply for a loan or credit card, or just walking down the street. You may not like it but it is true. And I'm sure that you, just like me, do it too. Even if you don't realize it or would aspire not to.

[Tangerine]

If I didn't want my kids to associate with people with tattoos and piercings, I'd have to kick them out of my house. :)

[LauraGB]

Did anyone else notice that this thread is from a year ago?:lol:

 

Since my last response to this thread, we've let ds grow his hair a bit more; its not long; but it is shaggy like a Zac Efron sort of shag and barely brushes his shoulders in the back. He looks rather better than he did with his super short do and he likes it more.

 

I agree with Nicole M - do what you will now because chances are you won't have it for long! (at least not the men in dh's family).

 

PS Ds's hair drives my father crazy, which is always great fun for the fam!:D

[Deidre in GA]

If I didn't want my kids to associate with people with tattoos and piercings, I'd have to kick them out of my house. :)

 

 

:rofl:

[Macrina]

While I may associate with people with piercings or excessive tattoos there is no way this side of the Continental Divide that I would allow them anywhere near my children.

 

That's a shame, I think your kids could be missing out. I lead a SOTW class with 6 other Christian families. I have my nose pierced with a stud and a tattoo on my foot (which all have seen becuase I like to teach barefoot!) I can't imagine one of those families pulling their kid from the class becuase of those two factors.

[Denisemomof4]

To throw in the mix: It would be sad if a person didn't become a Christian because he couldn't get past the fact that it seemed to him that all "Christians" looked down on his hairdo and none looked like him.

 

As a new mom and even a newer Christian, I almost turned my back on God and the church and never went back. Had it not been for a young Christian couple who took me under their wings and showed me the wrong behavior I was exposed to, I think that would have happened.

 

Christians have earned their reputation. The Christian church is FILLED with cold hearted, judgmental people who are hypocrites. Now before anyone gets offended, let me state that *I* am a Christian woman. But I've turned my back on the CHURCH, not on God, because I just can't deal with what I've seen anymore. After 17 years of church, dh and I said no more. And it started with the very first church we were in.

 

I was a new stay at home mom (ds was barely 1) and a new Christian. I was also a very attractive woman. (I hate to add this in, but I think this is why I was singled out by the pastor's wife and "picked" on.) I always looked nice and presentable at church but didn't wear dresses/skirts all the time. I didn't wear jeans, either. I always have make-up on, hair done, jewelry when I go out. I grew up like that in CA and it's just me. Not the norm in NH, but it's just me. Often times I'm the ONLY one in our homeschool group wearing make-up and jewelry. I'm thankful nobody judges me for it. And it's funny because people are shocked when they hear I'm a farmer. :D Yup, I go out and muck stalls, painted nails and all.

 

Anyway, after making a commitment to God, the pastor's wife immediately came down on me. I can look back now and say it was jealousy. She told me I should not wear make-up because in biblical times only prostitutes did (I don't pile it on, it's natural looking BUT I have always worn a colored lip color) should cut my hair (huh?), not wear jewelry, not wear pants, stop drinking wine, don't listen to the radio or watch tv, tithe (this really bothered me as I was not making money, my husband was and he was NOT a Christian at the time!) end my relationship I had with a man for 20+ years (he's like a brother to me, and I was friends with his sister who was killed on 9/11, Dh and he are friends as are our kids and his wife and I.) read my bible for a minimum of half an hour each day and pray as long (easy to do with ONE child who LOVED naps) and on and on. She was always after me for something. I felt like there was this HUGE list of wrongs in me and God couldn't possibly love me the way I was. UNTIL this wonderful couple came alongside me and "rescued" me. They were such a blessing to me and I warmly think of them even now, 17 years later. I speak to them very infrequently as they now live 3 hours away. Their wisdom spoke to my heart.

 

My sons have been so badly damaged by the church that they refuse to go (as do dh and I) and they also no longer believe in God. I worry more about my younger son but my older son - I do believe God will use him in a MIGHTY way one day. He's being prepared for something, for what I don't know. Many adults who meet him will tell me God has big plans for him, and I know He does.

 

So Christians DO turn people away from them, the church and God. I've seen it happen a LOT. I've seen people who weren't quite sure if God was real hurt so bad by the church that they won't associate with Christians. It's a real problem that I'm sure deeply saddens my God, who loves ALL of us.

[Denisemomof4]

Happily, our ds has never liked the shaggy look and is, in fact, disgusted by it. He's eager to go for a haircut along with his dad once a month. He wants to be viewed as a responsible young man and does a lot of work with the public, and I'm sure he realizes that appearance does matter for these things. If he wants to be seen as a responsible worker, looking like a rebel wouldn't help. (Of course, if his goal was to be a musician . . . )

 

my son is sought after because he's such a hard worker. He's worked off and on since he was 14. He's also volunteered to stock up trucks, load up shopping bags and hand out groceries to needy families from 6:00 a.m. until sometime in the afternoon hours, on the weekends when all his friends were out having fun with their friends. The adults would tell us he works harder than the other adults. He gets more done than most adults I know.

 

Imagine, all of this with longer hair.

 

I hope someday people will get the moral of the story: Don't judge a book by it's cover. I can assure you that most of the teens my sons age don't work nearly as hard as him, excel in school with multiple AP classes, have a heart of gold and moral convictions to match, etc. I'm so proud of him!!!!!!!

[Denisemomof4]

And I'm sorry to say that you may aspire to this ideal but I promise you that everyone, everywhere is being judged on their appearance everyday. In job interviews, at school, at church, in stores, on TV, in magazines, in the bank when you apply for a loan or credit card, or just walking down the street. You may not like it but it is true. And I'm sure that you, just like me, do it too. Even if you don't realize it or would aspire not to.

 

I do agree that this gets in the way of jobs, and I trust my son, whose hair isnt' as long as I'm probably making it sound (I hope dh can help me upload a pic of him, I don't know how!) will make wise choices that won't get in his way later in life. He has aspirations and one tattoo (he wants it when he's 18) won't get in the way of that. He's a smart kid.

 

What I find sad is the way people judge by appearance. If there's one thing I've taught my kids, it's to look at people's heart. I've never allowed them to stare at people either. I have some very good looking friends, skinny friends, morbidly obese friends, friends with physical birth defects. We have friends with tattoos and piercings and friends where the women only wear skirts.

 

I've taught my kids to respect and love ALL people. And I'm SO THANKFUL they do. What they have in their heart, especially my sons, is the legacy I've handed down. To have sons with such huge, compassionate hearts is such a wonderful thing. They make sacrifices for other people all the time. They truly do NOT judge negatively by appearance.

 

Recently I took all four kids to Walmart for something. There was an older gentleman with two mentally handicapped teens/perhaps 20 something young men. My youngest, 6.5, started to stare when I told her not to stare, it was rude. The man was obviously teaching these young men how to get around in the store. He left the two of them in an aisle and went somewhere else. The young men were instructed to call him, which they did. He told them now to come find him. We were by the older gentleman when the young men found him. They were SO proud of themselves. They squealed in delight and couldn't control their excitement. It was the cutest thing. It made me so happy that I started to cry. My boys were touched to the core of their being over that. *THAT* is the heart I want my kids to have, not one who will look at someone who has a physical or mental handicap, tattoos or piercings, and cringe because they're different. Others in the store stared on in shock, horror and disgust. Sad.

 

I know I've changed this from hair/piercings/tattoos to physical/mental handicaps but truly, the reactions from the general public are the same.

 

The bible tells us to love everyone, be at peace with everyone, NOT JUDGE, REMOVE THE PLANK FROM YOUR OWN EYE BEFORE YOU POINT OUT ANOTHERS, make friends with the lowly ones. Why is it ok to do only part of that?

[JumpedIntoTheDeepEndFirst]

The bible tells us to love everyone, be at peace with everyone, NOT JUDGE, REMOVE THE PLANK FROM YOUR OWN EYE BEFORE YOU POINT OUT ANOTHERS, make friends with the lowly ones. Why is it ok to do only part of that?

 

 

I never said it was ok to only do part of that, I said that such judgment was a fact of life. To send kids out into the world unaware of the fact that they will be judged (fair or not) would be cruel. They need to understand that they are making choices with their appearance and that those choices have consequences. They need to be at peace with their decision and accept what others may think. Because no matter how fair they are others won't be as forgiving.

[SilverMoon]

I haven't read all the other replies, but around here hair is a non-issue. They can decide to buzz it or let it grow long. They can even dye it blue if they want (I've only had one do this so far).

 

There are more important things IMO.

 

This. I think long hair on guys is awesome. :001_smile: My hub grew up in a short, conservative hair only, strict LDS household. The day he turned 18 he stopped cutting it and drove his dad bonkers. The hair on the back of his head has never been cut short ever since. The odds of him telling our boys to cut their hair are slim to none. :lol:

 

My oldest gets tired of having hair and randomly asks me to take it all off. I miss his hair dreadfully when he does that. The boy has gorgeous strawberry blonde hair and it's so well behaved, no matter the length. Rarely tangles. I love it if he'd grow it out like some of the earlier pictures in this thread.

 

Little ds practically has a mullet right now. He wants long hair, but hates hair touching his eyes and ears. Sensory thing. Right now he has strawberry blonde waves that go just past his shoulder blades.

[Heather in Neverland]

Did anyone else notice that this thread is from a year ago?:lol:

 

 

 

YES! And resurrected exactly one year to the day it started by a member who has only ONE post. Hmmmmm......

[PineFarmMom]

;

Edited November 11, 2009 by Texas T

[Laurie4b]

Just wondering what others have to say on the hair issue.

My 13 year old likes the longer shaggy look. As long as it's not over his eyes and it's clean I don't mind to much. My oldest son is ROTC and trims his hair weekly to keep it above the eyebrows and over the ears and he gets it cut every couple of months to clean all the uneven trimmings he does. My dh is from the neat and trimmed camp, not military cut but not shaggy.

 

Do you have standards on your teenage boy and his hair. do you ask that it be kept over the ears, above the collar? Is it a non-issue, however he wants to wear it. Do you allow the long shaggy over the eyes? Don't mind as long as it's clean and combed?

 

I'm in the "this is not a battle I am going to fight" camp. Or you could call it the "Give them freedom in non-essentials and hopefully they'll not be straining at the bit with regard to the important stuff." So far (ds's are 17, 15, 13, 11) it's worked well. We've had buzz cuts to long shaggy hair over the eyes. I have disliked some of what they've chosen. I express my opinion sometimes, but they know the decision is theirs.

[newbie]

I thought long hair on guys twenty yrs ago was cool. My dh had his down to the middle of his back.

 

Now if it gets to his shirt collar I tell him to cut it.

 

Although Orlando Bloom in LOTR< hot.

[PineFarmMom]

;

[Renee in NC]

I never said it was ok to only do part of that, I said that such judgment was a fact of life. To send kids out into the world unaware of the fact that they will be judged (fair or not) would be cruel. They need to understand that they are making choices with their appearance and that those choices have consequences. They need to be at peace with their decision and accept what others may think. Because no matter how fair they are others won't be as forgiving.

 

I agree and my 16yo and I have had that discussion. He knows how judgmental people can be and he knows that he will have to conform someday. For now, he doesn't have to, so it isn't a big deal.

 

ETA: He's in school, but it isn't an issue as he has teachers with long hair and/or piercings. There's no judgment there!

[Amy1k]

Just some sort of interesting information about my brother: He had long hair, tattoos and piercings all the way high school and college. He graduated from a well respected university and was hired as a bio-chemist by a large drug company. He's a published scientist and statistician. He also works as a computer programmer. He's quite successful. At some point he lost the piercing, long hair and messy facial hair (I can only assume he decided to change his style)...he also eventually had an "offensive" word that he had tattooed as a teenager on his arm covered. Anyway, I don't think any of that ever actually held him back. He's always been very bright and well-respected by his colleagues.

[HeatherInWI]

my son is sought after because he's such a hard worker. He's worked off and on since he was 14. He's also volunteered to stock up trucks, load up shopping bags and hand out groceries to needy families from 6:00 a.m. until sometime in the afternoon hours, on the weekends when all his friends were out having fun with their friends. The adults would tell us he works harder than the other adults. He gets more done than most adults I know.

 

Imagine, all of this with longer hair.

 

I hope someday people will get the moral of the story: Don't judge a book by it's cover. I can assure you that most of the teens my sons age don't work nearly as hard as him, excel in school with multiple AP classes, have a heart of gold and moral convictions to match, etc. I'm so proud of him!!!!!!!

 

Don't take what I said as a personal prejudice, Denise. No one ever said that your son wasn't hardworking. We have hardworking adult male friends who have long hair, but they're mainly in academia and living in liberal areas.

 

In my (rather conservative) area, most boys wear their hair short, and the ones who don't usually accompany it with the black clothing, multiple piercings, arrest records, and anti-social attitudes, while in the liberal city in which I grew up, long haired, "normal" guys were very much present. Just as with any cultural issue, it depends upon where you live and who you're around.

 

And, realistically, people are going to judge on appearances somewhat. Do you go to a professional job interview in a suit or your oldest sweatpants? Do you show up at a wedding in a modest dress or a bikini? Do you wear a swimsuit or a prom dress to the beach? Do you arrange your hair nicely for these events, or do you just leave it as it was when you got out of bed in the morning? Now what if you're going these places in another nation, instead? Many things having to do with appearance are not things people are born with, they are choices that we all make according to what is appropriate and acceptable for a particular cultural/social setting, combined with what is appropriate and acceptable according to our belief systems.

[Audrey]

Just wondering what others have to say on the hair issue.

My 13 year old likes the longer shaggy look. As long as it's not over his eyes and it's clean I don't mind to much. My oldest son is ROTC and trims his hair weekly to keep it above the eyebrows and over the ears and he gets it cut every couple of months to clean all the uneven trimmings he does. My dh is from the neat and trimmed camp, not military cut but not shaggy.

 

Do you have standards on your teenage boy and his hair. do you ask that it be kept over the ears, above the collar? Is it a non-issue, however he wants to wear it. Do you allow the long shaggy over the eyes? Don't mind as long as it's clean and combed?

 

 

My son just likes to have it out of his eyes. Length isn't generally an issue. However, I draw the line at buzz cuts. I think it makes boys and men look like a trashy bubba. That is not happening in this house.

 

YMMV and yada yada.

[Nestof3]

:D I also found it ironic that it was assumed that boys couldn't do certain things with long hair, but generally people who require short hair on boys want girls with long hair, right?

 

I was speaking of the hair that just flops in the eyes getting in the way in things like paintball and martial arts. I know if my hair is not clipped back in the front it gets in the way of things. Not all longer hair on guys is long enough to pull into a ponytail.

 

I really don't care how anyone else keeps his hair (I don't think less of anyone for it), but I do think guys look sloppy with shaggy hair that hangs down in their face. I also don't like cargo pants, sweat pants on men or yellow sweaters on men.

Edited November 12, 2009 by nestof3

[Nestof3]

However, I draw the line at buzz cuts. I think it makes boys and men look like a trashy bubba.

 

Is this a buzz cut?

 

[Barb_]

My son just likes to have it out of his eyes. Length isn't generally an issue. However, I draw the line at buzz cuts. I think it makes boys and men look like a trashy bubba. That is not happening in this house.

 

YMMV and yada yada.

 

Unless they happen to be cute, dark little hispanic boys. Nothing sweeter than a buzz cut on my little South American mutt :D

Edited November 12, 2009 by Barb F. PA in AZ