stephanier.1765 Posted October 14, 2017 Share Posted October 14, 2017 Somewhere in my life I failed all the lessons required for women. I was probably looking at all the fun things guys get to do. I know nothing about weddings. My oldest son is married but we essentially were expected to be guests and not participants so I didn't learn a thing from that one. Now my second is getting married in January and I know nothing. I am the real life Jon Snow except not as good looking. Every day as I google something for the rehearsal dinner only to find something else I didn't know I was supposed to do. I really feel like I'm letting our bride-to-be down and she's too sweet to let me know I'm dropping the ball or to hit me with some hard truths. Is there a Rehearsal Dinner 101 book any where to be had? Any advice, hints, short cuts, or "wish you had knowns" that you could share with a desperate woman? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ottakee Posted October 14, 2017 Share Posted October 14, 2017 Can you ask the couple what they would like? I am not much help as our rehearsal dinner was pizza and pop in the room off the kitchen at the church. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thessa516 Posted October 14, 2017 Share Posted October 14, 2017 Go to Pinterest and search for Rehearsal Dinner. I've found so much stuff through there! Who does what, who gives what speech, gift ideas, traditions, etc. I'm in the same boat as you - not sure what i need to be doing! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rachel Posted October 14, 2017 Share Posted October 14, 2017 Ask your son and his bride what they would like. Tell them you want to help and would like to honor their requests if it is within your budget to do so. I've seen everything from fancy sit down meals at a venue to a backyard cookout. There isn't a right or wrong answer here. 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne Posted October 14, 2017 Share Posted October 14, 2017 I agree with all the other advice, except I'd say figure out what your budget is BEFORE you sit down with your son & his fiancee. Anne 10 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted October 14, 2017 Share Posted October 14, 2017 Yeah, just ask the engaged couple. I've seen all sorts of rehearsal dinners, in nice restaurants, back yards, pizza joints... Just ask, don't try to guess. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happypamama Posted October 14, 2017 Share Posted October 14, 2017 Yeah, rehearsal dinners vary a ton! I've seen fancier ones in restaurants, church fellowship hall potlucks, etc. Decide on your budget and ask the couple what they want. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stephanier.1765 Posted October 14, 2017 Author Share Posted October 14, 2017 I've tried asking but I'm not really getting any firm answers. They seem to be happy to let me do whatever I want. Ugh. I want clear direction. We don't live in the area where the wedding will be. Neither do they or anyone else from the wedding so it must be at a venue of some sort. Do I decorate? Favors? Games? Music? Video? Do I have to make a speech or toast? Do I greet the guests as they arrive or is that the bride and groom's job? My questions go on and on and on and on... I want to curl in a corner and cry. I'm not made for this sort of thing. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AmandaVT Posted October 14, 2017 Share Posted October 14, 2017 I am no expert in wedding etiquette, but what my parents did for my brother's wedding was very nice and everyone enjoyed it. They chose one of the favorite restaurants of my brother and SIL. They were able to reserve one of the dining rooms and we had a lovely dinner. Favors were little, personalized bags of M&M's in their wedding colors with their initials on them. They gave a short speech, congratulating them and welcoming SIL into the family. I think they had my brother and SIL choose a few meals/apps that guests could choose from, rather than the entire menu. The restaurant also made a signature cocktail for the evening - dark and stormy (dark rum and ginger beer). It was very appropriate as the wedding ended up being accidentally invaded by pirates the next day. :-) 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Storygirl Posted October 14, 2017 Share Posted October 14, 2017 The bride is likely busy with all of her wedding planning. So I'd suggest having a private conversation with your son, where you say that you need his help. He should be able to scout out some options for you, and it is not too much to ask him to do. We researched the venue for the rehearsal dinner when we got married. The first question, if you don't already know, is how many people will be coming. In my experience, the rehearsal dinner was for the wedding party and immediate family. Meaning spouse of anyone in the wedding party, as well siblings and grandparents of the bride and groom. Plus the officiant and spouse. That's it. But I have seen people mentioning inviting additional guests, so you will need to work that out. You can choose something very easy. My niece and her husband had theirs at a bowling alley, in the party room, and just ordered pizzas. Anyone who wanted then went bowling afterwards. We had ours in a party room of a restaurant, and we choose three or four menu items that the guests could choose from (instead of ordering from the entire menu). You don't need to have anything planned, other than the food. Because everyone will be a close friend or family member of the bride and groom, it can be a very casual gathering. You may start out the meal with a blessing or toast. Sometimes the bride and groom give their wedding party their thank-you gifts. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Storygirl Posted October 14, 2017 Share Posted October 14, 2017 Looking at your questions... No need for decorations or favors, unless you LIKE to do that sort of thing. Don't worry about music or videos, unless you WANT to include those things. In other words, keep it as simple as you would like, or add any special touches that would mean something to your family. The rehearsal dinners we have attended have just been a chance for the wedding party to sit and eat together after the rehearsal and have not been set up as a special event in themselves. Just a complimentary dinner at a restaurant. No one expects more than that as a guest, and it sounds like the bride and groom don't care. So keep it casual. Pick a venue. Select the food if there are options. Maybe decide where at the table the bride and groom will sit, so they are in the center. Say a prayer/toast/greeting. Pay the bill. I don't think you need to add anything else. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stephanier.1765 Posted October 14, 2017 Author Share Posted October 14, 2017 Thank you for the advice and essentially talking me down. I'm feeling better. The bride works full time and goes to school full time plus is planning the wedding or else I'd hand it all over to her and write the check. All the guests to the wedding will be from out of town, it's my understanding that you are supposed to invite all out of town guests but that's everyone! Do I invite everyone or is there a way to keep this small that won't look bad? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AmandaVT Posted October 14, 2017 Share Posted October 14, 2017 Thank you for the advice and essentially talking me down. I'm feeling better. The bride works full time and goes to school full time plus is planning the wedding or else I'd hand it all over to her and write the check. All the guests to the wedding will be from out of town, it's my understanding that you are supposed to invite all out of town guests but that's everyone! Do I invite everyone or is there a way to keep this small that won't look bad? I don't think it's necessary to invite the out of town guests to the rehearsal dinner. I am going to a wedding next weekend and am an out of town guest and I am not invited to the rehearsal dinner. I don't think everyone does that anymore. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bootsie Posted October 14, 2017 Share Posted October 14, 2017 I would start by considering the formality of the wedding and reception being planned. I know things vary a lot in different parts of the country. My experience is that the rehearsal dinner is meant for those who are party of the wedding party (and thus attending the rehearsal), along with their spouses or SO. If out of town guest include siblings of the the bride or groom or other close relatives, I would try to include them if the budget allows. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
magnificent_baby Posted October 14, 2017 Share Posted October 14, 2017 I am by no means an expert, but here are some thoughts.... Sit down with them and let them know what amount you have budgeted for this event. Then, discuss what they have in mind for a venue. In my family we have rented party rooms at nice restaurants. Offer to make the phone calls, book the event, help with the menu etc. As far as socializing, I would plan to mingle with all the guests, maybe situating yourself towards the front to greet act as hostess, while still making them the focus. When my nephew got married all of his aunts, uncles and cousins attended as well. That was really nice to be included because we are a very close family, even though we all weren't in the wedding. In my own experience I planned it all and the inlaws helped with the bill. But they were also out of town and would have no idea where to start to help plan. Their role was more of guest as they did not know my family at all. Everything went fine. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted October 14, 2017 Share Posted October 14, 2017 What you need now is a number of people and your budget. What kind of reception are they having? Your ds should be able to help google , make phone calls and see what your options are. Does anyone they know live in the area? Or let us here in The Site of All Things know where the wedding is taking place. Someone probably lives there. :D 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SparklyUnicorn Posted October 14, 2017 Share Posted October 14, 2017 Well your kid is lucky to have you. Neither of my parents figured they had anything to do with me getting married so they probably spent no time trying to figure anything out. So there's that. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lewber Posted October 14, 2017 Share Posted October 14, 2017 I agree, first you need to have a budget. If everyone is traveling, it is nice to offer something for them, but not include them in the rehearsal dinner. I've seen it where they offer appetizers in a separate room in the hotel. More just so people traveling would have something to do, somewhere to meet up with other guests. If you invite them all to the rehearsal dinner, then it becomes a second reception. Then the rehearsal dinner would just be for the wedding party and maybe close relatives. I would just try to find something with a different vibe from the reception so it seems like different events. At my rehearsal dinner, we opened the floor to toasts or stories from the wedding party who would not be speaking at the reception. That was fun and an easy, no cost way to personalize the night. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted October 14, 2017 Share Posted October 14, 2017 My basic experience. The rehearsal dinner is for the wedding party, immediate family (and possibly relatives who have arrived from out of town). It occurs the night before, after the rehearsal. It can be elaborate or ordinary. In my family weddings that occurred 25-35 years ago: My brother's was in my family home. My mom borrowed folding tables and set up tables in every room. She made salads and served dinner in a sit down fashion for probably 30 people. My sister's was in a local family restaurant. They seated us in a reserved area and brought food that was decided upon ahead of time. Mine was in an italian restaurant that had a room you could reserve for such events. My best friends with in the basement of her MIL's home. It was buffet style. You decided what your budget is and how many people you need to serve in that budget. From there figure out what sort of meal and venue you can provide. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seasider Posted October 15, 2017 Share Posted October 15, 2017 Talk to the couple and let them know you want to do something, and you'd appreciate hearing their thoughts. Use Pinterest. Please do make an effort. My dh and I handled all the arrangements for our wedding except for rehearsal dinner, future inlaws said they'd do that. We suggested a restaurant, they arranged a room and paid the bill. While we were grateful for that contribution, there was nothing else done. No special touches to indicate the group of people gathered were there as part of celebrating a couple's marriage. No decorations, no consideration about who should be seated where, no emceeing - my MOH noticed this lack and was the one who finally initiated some toasting. All the time I thought MIL was handling the planning of those details. Had she told me she had no idea what to do, I would have helped! The other dil brides took note and then went ahead and did all their own decor and extra touches, so their rehearsal dinners were much nicer. I don't hold it against the inlaws that they dropped the ball, I just wish the communication about it had been clearer. As it was, I was so busy handling all the other arrangements that I just trusted the rehearsal dinner would be good to go, and they would act as hosts to the various assembled guests from out of town, etc. Wow, maybe that's a little pent up vent...All to encourage you to do SOMETHING. You can do it! Just don't roll over with avoidance behavior. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Storygirl Posted October 15, 2017 Share Posted October 15, 2017 You do not need to invite out of town guests who are not part of the wedding party. I've heard that some people do, but it is not required. And since everyone is coming from out of town, it's seems crazy to invite all the wedding guests to the rehearsal dinner. It's a dinner for those who have participated in the rehearsal. You don't have to entertain all of the wedding guests. You can assume that they know how to grab a meal for themselves. I went to a small destination wedding (about 25 guests), and we were not invited to the rehearsal and did not expect to be invited. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Storygirl Posted October 15, 2017 Share Posted October 15, 2017 Seasider, that's too bad. I think your experience may have been a case of mismatched expectations, where you were expecting something other than what your in-laws planned to provide. OP, that's where having a frank conversation with the bride and groom will be really helpful. Some of your questions can only be answered by them. You can tell them that you won't take up much of their time, because you know they are busy, but that you need half an hour of their time to make sure you are all on the same page. If they live close to you, offer to meet them at a restaurant for dessert (if they don't have time to meet for a whole dinner). If they live out of town, ask if you can connect with a phone call. Have a list of your specific questions, and ask them. If you ask a general question, such as, "What did you have in mind?" they may not be able to answer. But if you have very specific "Would you like it this way or that way," questions, they may be able to offer an opinion. If you find that they really don't care, you can feel confident to do what you want. You may want to plan things out and then run it by them before finalizing anything, to give them one last chance to tell you if they want something different. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stephanier.1765 Posted October 15, 2017 Author Share Posted October 15, 2017 I think I've talked the bride into a family/wedding party only rehearsal dinner. I hope she doesn't think I'm just being cheap but you all are right, it would only be another reception. That makes me feel a lot better. DIL and I are driving to the town they've chosen tomorrow to check out venues. My wonderful DIL made some calls today while I worked on other things. Thanks to technology, we'll be able to send pics and videos and chat over speakerphone or Facetime to the bride. I told her to be prepared for a ton of questions. Thank you all for the guidance. Now that I've got game plan it doesn't feel nearly as overwhelming. 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seasider Posted October 15, 2017 Share Posted October 15, 2017 (edited) Seasider, that's too bad. I think your experience may have been a case of mismatched expectations, where you were expecting something other than what your in-laws planned to provide. . Actually, I never said a word about it. Until the next son got married and his bride handled the whole affair herself. At the end of that night, MIL came to me and apologized, told me she felt bad for not doing the extra touches for ours, that she simply just couldn't decide exactly what to do (admitted that she knew she could have and wanted to do more). And that she waffled in indecision right up til the day before and realized she'd done...nothing. She felt pretty bad about it. I just smiled and said it was nothing to worry about. OP, don't let me scare you, sounds like you have been communicating with them and have things under control. Edited October 15, 2017 by Seasider Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frances Posted October 15, 2017 Share Posted October 15, 2017 Talk to the couple and let them know you want to do something, and you'd appreciate hearing their thoughts. Use Pinterest. Please do make an effort. My dh and I handled all the arrangements for our wedding except for rehearsal dinner, future inlaws said they'd do that. We suggested a restaurant, they arranged a room and paid the bill. While we were grateful for that contribution, there was nothing else done. No special touches to indicate the group of people gathered were there as part of celebrating a couple's marriage. No decorations, no consideration about who should be seated where, no emceeing - my MOH noticed this lack and was the one who finally initiated some toasting. All the time I thought MIL was handling the planning of those details. Had she told me she had no idea what to do, I would have helped! The other dil brides took note and then went ahead and did all their own decor and extra touches, so their rehearsal dinners were much nicer. I don't hold it against the inlaws that they dropped the ball, I just wish the communication about it had been clearer. As it was, I was so busy handling all the other arrangements that I just trusted the rehearsal dinner would be good to go, and they would act as hosts to the various assembled guests from out of town, etc. Wow, maybe that's a little pent up vent...All to encourage you to do SOMETHING. You can do it! Just don't roll over with avoidance behavior. I think it really depends on the expectations of the bride and groom and that's why it is so important for everyone to communicate. My in-laws paid for our rehearsal dinner at a nice restaurant and there were no decorations, special toasts, emceeing, special seating, etc., but that was just fine by us, actually quite preferable. It was a lovely time to gather with our immediate family and wedding party and enjoy a nice, relaxing meal. That was definitely special enough for us. We briefly thanked everyone for coming and gave all of them our homemade gifts. Outside of ours, the rehearsal dinner I most enjoyed was very informal. It was held at a campground for an out of town wedding and everyone was invited. They provided the main course, s'more fixings, and beverages for a cookout and people brought something to share. We just went to a local grocery store for our contribution. Once again, very informal, but relaxing and lots of fun. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted October 15, 2017 Share Posted October 15, 2017 My experience with rehearsal dinner doesn't include special decor and toasts. Just a nice gathering, relaxing meal. I don't think the rehearsal dinner needs to be turned into a choreographed event like the wedding reception. Check in with the couple to see if they really want they. 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alessandra Posted October 15, 2017 Share Posted October 15, 2017 I haven't read all the posts. I've been to two rehearsal dinners recently, one was a black tie dinner in a private club, the other was held at a fashionable (with millennials) pizza place. Both were lovely events. I have never seen favors, etc at a rehearsal dinner, but there are often placecards or some kind of seating plan. My ideas of things to watch out for: Decide how children (if any) in the wedding party will be accommodated, or whether the party will be adults only. Watch out that the happy couple does not casually invite every out of town guest to the party. I've seen that happen, ugh! Figure out transportation and parking, as people will be going from wedding location to dinner. Be prepared to give a toast! IMO, it's better to decide on the details beforehand, rather than on the fly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pam in CT Posted October 15, 2017 Share Posted October 15, 2017 I've tried asking but I'm not really getting any firm answers. They seem to be happy to let me do whatever I want. Ugh. I want clear direction. We don't live in the area where the wedding will be. Neither do they or anyone else from the wedding so it must be at a venue of some sort. Do I decorate? Favors? Games? Music? Video? Do I have to make a speech or toast? Do I greet the guests as they arrive or is that the bride and groom's job? My questions go on and on and on and on... I want to curl in a corner and cry. I'm not made for this sort of thing. :grouphug: Well then you *don't* want to rent out a venue AND THEN organize tables and chairs AND THEN organize tablecloths and plates and silverware AND THEN cater food. You want one stop shopping, a restaurant that will do all that for you, send you an email of the (limited) choices they offer. You don't have to invite all the out-of-town guests; that is a budget issue. You don't have to pick a fancy or hip restaurant; that is a budget and culture issue. A BBQ place is fine, a pasta-and-pizza place is fine, a taqueria is fine. It's fine to do a fancier place with just the wedding party and the couple's parents; it's fine to do a more casual place with a larger group; that tradeoff is a budget issue. If the location is within reasonable driving range and you have time you might want to check out a short list of pre-vetted locations that send you their menus and pricing packages in advance, just to get a sense of the ambiance. If not, no worries, between TripAdvisor and Yelp you'll be able to get a sense of the vibe. YOU DO NOT HAVE TO DO PARTY FAVORS or decorations beyond whatever the restaurant ordinarily does if you're not into that sort of thing. You don't have to do a speech or full toast; though it is nice to stand up at some suitable moment to thank people for coming and wish the couple well. It's just a dinner. Don't overthink and don't stress. Breathe. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 15, 2017 Share Posted October 15, 2017 The best rehearsal dinners I have been to were the ones that were in line with the ability to pay without hardship or loans. Some have been fantabulous extravaganzas and some have been picnics in the park. The most important part is that everyone was at ease and or was all a gift, not an extortion by Keeping Up Appearsnces, Showing Off, Demands of Offspring-Zilla’s, but an offering of love and community of friendship. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
heartlikealion Posted October 15, 2017 Share Posted October 15, 2017 Ours was a dinner in a restaurant after the rehearsal. No decorations, games, etc. It was actually a bit of a touchy subject for me because I felt soooo rude not inviting my friend that was our lector. He had come from out of town. My in-laws were paying and didn't include him (didn't consider him part of the wedding party I guess?) so I just awkwardly said bye to him in the parking lot and didn't talk about the rehearsal dinner. My aunt was in town from out of state and my dad really wanted her invited, but again, I didn't feel like it was my place to invite people for a dinner I wasn't paying for. My dad said he'd pay for my aunt and after the whole ordeal he forgot. I don't know if he paid them back later. Please find out specifically what your definition of "wedding party" is and their definition. It might not be the same! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carol in Cal. Posted October 15, 2017 Share Posted October 15, 2017 Talk to the couple and let them know you want to do something, and you'd appreciate hearing their thoughts. Use Pinterest. Please do make an effort. My dh and I handled all the arrangements for our wedding except for rehearsal dinner, future inlaws said they'd do that. We suggested a restaurant, they arranged a room and paid the bill. While we were grateful for that contribution, there was nothing else done. No special touches to indicate the group of people gathered were there as part of celebrating a couple's marriage. No decorations, no consideration about who should be seated where, no emceeing - my MOH noticed this lack and was the one who finally initiated some toasting. All the time I thought MIL was handling the planning of those details. Had she told me she had no idea what to do, I would have helped! The other dil brides took note and then went ahead and did all their own decor and extra touches, so their rehearsal dinners were much nicer. I don't hold it against the inlaws that they dropped the ball, I just wish the communication about it had been clearer. As it was, I was so busy handling all the other arrangements that I just trusted the rehearsal dinner would be good to go, and they would act as hosts to the various assembled guests from out of town, etc. Wow, maybe that's a little pent up vent...All to encourage you to do SOMETHING. You can do it! Just don't roll over with avoidance behavior. There are really a lot of varying traditions around this, I see. I have been to at least a dozen rehearsal dinners in my life, and none of them had an emcee or a formal program of any kind or decorations other than maybe an engagement picture and a guest book to sign. All of the ones I have been to have been a room at a restaurant and an intimate gathering. Most of the time the reception has had better food and (obviously) always 'the program'. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carol in Cal. Posted October 15, 2017 Share Posted October 15, 2017 Ours was a dinner in a restaurant after the rehearsal. No decorations, games, etc. It was actually a bit of a touchy subject for me because I felt soooo rude not inviting my friend that was our lector. He had come from out of town. My in-laws were paying and didn't include him (didn't consider him part of the wedding party I guess?) so I just awkwardly said bye to him in the parking lot and didn't talk about the rehearsal dinner. My aunt was in town from out of state and my dad really wanted her invited, but again, I didn't feel like it was my place to invite people for a dinner I wasn't paying for. My dad said he'd pay for my aunt and after the whole ordeal he forgot. I don't know if he paid them back later. Please find out specifically what your definition of "wedding party" is and their definition. It might not be the same! We invited the lectors, the pastor, and the organist, all of whom were part of the rehearsal. That's not unheard of. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted October 15, 2017 Share Posted October 15, 2017 Somewhere in my life I failed all the lessons required for women. I was probably looking at all the fun things guys get to do. I know nothing about weddings. My oldest son is married but we essentially were expected to be guests and not participants so I didn't learn a thing from that one. Now my second is getting married in January and I know nothing. I am the real life Jon Snow except not as good looking. Every day as I google something for the rehearsal dinner only to find something else I didn't know I was supposed to do. I really feel like I'm letting our bride-to-be down and she's too sweet to let me know I'm dropping the ball or to hit me with some hard truths. Is there a Rehearsal Dinner 101 book any where to be had? Any advice, hints, short cuts, or "wish you had knowns" that you could share with a desperate woman? Honest to goodness, the rehearsal dinner is only supposed to be for those who are actually participating in the wedding: bride and her attendants, groom and his ushers, parents of bride and groom, etc. Not even spouses of those participants. It's the night before the wedding. People need to go home and rest for the really big day. Look for the Miss Manners books by Judith Martin. Your local library probably has them. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moonhawk Posted October 15, 2017 Share Posted October 15, 2017 I didn't know that rehearsal dinners were anything more than a dinner for the people who went to the rehearsal! Learn something new every thread ;) . Mine was at a restaurant 2 minutes from the church, we had a reserved room because of how many people, but that was it. There was dancing in the main part of the restaurant and one of my BILs took his now-wife out there to dance and I remember the rest of his family thinking it was disrespectful to leave the dinner to do that. I can't remember my own feelings on it, oddly enough. But it was just food. My sisters, with wildly different backgrounds and situations from me regarding marriage (from age, to economic status, to social status, to location, etc-- and I should add different from each other, as well) also just had dinners after the rehearsal with nothing really extra. Glad that you are talking about the bride on it! I'm interested to see if what she thinks of as a rehearsal dinner is more extravagant/involved, like what some posters are describing. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted October 15, 2017 Share Posted October 15, 2017 When my husband and I got married, his mom wanted to host the rehearsal dinner. We were in California; she was in North Carolina. So she asked me for the names of some places that we would like. We sent her the list of names, and she chose the restaurant and set it all up. It was just the families and attendants - a small group, since we just had Matron of Honor and Best Man. It was just dinner. Maybe my FIL proposed a toast or something, I don't know. I'm sure my MIL greeted everyone politely and acted as hostess. That was it. No decor, no gifts, just a nice dinner. BTW we didn't even have a rehearsal. Our wedding was so simple we didn't need one. But, MIL wanted the dinner because that's what the groom's parents did. :-) 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sandwalker Posted October 16, 2017 Share Posted October 16, 2017 Best rehearsal dinner was dd's. We already had the tents and tables and chairs set up for the reception the next day. Dd's in-laws announced that it was pretty much potluck, gave out assignments, and we all had a good time. No stress, no fuss. There's a big grocery store just 5 miles from the ranch, with a good deli, so everyone trooped off and got stuff. We had folks from all over the world, so it was not just the family, but anyone who was around. Children ran around squealing, dogs were everywhere, and the horses even trotted over to say hi over the fence. We DID move the cattle out further and lock up the sheep so the kids didn't chase them and upset the livestock guardian dogs.That sounds so much fun!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stephanier.1765 Posted October 16, 2017 Author Share Posted October 16, 2017 Pinterest and the bride-to-be are close personal friends. :lol: If she ever reads this, I'm just kidding! So anyway we found a place today (yay!), and it looks like we'll be having centerpieces, I might make a banner (won't be expensive), probably ..... maybe a sign greeting people as they arrive on a little table with a few flowers or petals, a bingo game she wants to do (a kind of get to know people thing) and favors are iffy. Music via somebody's smart phone and speakers and she definitely wants a slideshow. DH has said he absolutely won't give a toast so I might do that if something seems expected at the time. At least the ball is rolling. Thanks all! 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FaithManor Posted October 16, 2017 Share Posted October 16, 2017 Here is my advice. Keep it simple. A reasonably priced restaurant with wedding participants only. The reason I say this is that I have seen so many times when the groom's family does not contribute to the costs of the wedding so their sole responsibility is the rehearsal dinner. Since they have incurred no other costs, they can afford to spend a bundle and upstage the reception the next day. It is uncomfortable for the bride's family. The benefit of informal and simple is it gives the folks attending the ability to relax and chat. Things are always so hectic the next day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KatieJ Posted October 16, 2017 Share Posted October 16, 2017 Four kids, four wedding rehearsals, each very different. We had four different sets of circumstances, and we treated each event as was necessary at the time. The only thing I should have done different, was when our youngest got married, I gave out verbal invites and I think her family was thinking I should have mailed invites to her side of the family. My side didn't care. It just all seemed confusing for them at the last minute. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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