disagreements on homeschool

[Elizabeth86]

If you and your dh disagree about aspects of your childs education, how do you reach a decision. Dh agrees to homeschool its just a few things we disagree about. Curious how it works for others. I will update some specifics later.

[DawnM]

I guess it would depend on what the disagreement was about.

 

I handled 100% of our homeschool decisions, so I know that isn't a help, but I would have welcomed some input on a few things.  

[displace]

Like anything, you have to find something that makes both parents satisfied. For ex- Does person X want to teach Latin and person Y wants to not have Latin taught? You need to find the root reasons why each person feels the way they do. Maybe person X feels Latin roots are important for future languages, or a second language is important, or the parent wants to learn a new language too. Maybe person Y feels Latin is useless, or too much time will take away from math, or it's too hard to teach a non-native language. You need to find a Venn diagram of overlapping agreement (maybe teaching Latin roots only for five minutes a day works for both parents). If there is no agreement, it is not taught until agreement is found, or the old method is continued until a new agreement is reached in cases of required subjects.

 

It's hard to discuss in generalities.

[Elizabeth86]

To make it short, he always wants to homeschool no matter what. I want to take it year to year child by child and personally I dont feel called to homeschool middle or high school.

 

Also, I feel he is always encouraging me to push advanced things on ds and I think he is happy on grade level and insisting to teach ds age 4 to read. I have no doubt he could, I just dont see he is super interested or any benefit to doing this besides to say.. look how smart my kid is. Know what I mean? My reason to homeschool is simply to keep then at home during the little years to keep them close and enjoy them being little. I want them to be on grade level when they do go to school. I think dh just wants them to be advanced or something.

 

For the record, he really doesnt do any of the homeschooling. Even though its a long way off it stresses me out thinking of stressing about chemistry and algebra with my olders and neglecting snuggling and playing with my littles. Im just not interested. I dont see the benefit of this. I like teaching them in the fun years, but older grades seems so consuming. I know I shouldnt worry right now, but easier said than done.

[Guinevere]

Dh trusts that I am accomplishing the basics. Anything I want to do beyond that I can do, provided it isn't taking up time when he is home, and I can fit it in the budget. Anything he wants to do, he does when he is home, and fits it in his budget. We do discuss extracurricular activities to be sure schedules can align.

[marbel]

Nm. Just saw the update; my comment was way off base!

Edited August 3, 2017 by marbel

[Guinevere]

Oh, and things he wants to do with them also don't fall on me when he is at work. He doesn't assign them things I have to make sure they do, for example.

[Arcadia]

We just argue it out. For us it is mainly cost. My husband is so used to counting pennies that he didn't realize that no one wants to tutor our quirky kids. They rather teach other kids that are more compliant and less of a perfectionist.

 

Another thing is sports (tennis, swimming, basketball). My husband always say he will teach to not spend the money. End up our kids are so "behind" compare to our neighborhood kids whose dads either teach or outsource. He does have the time but he is a homebody so he rarely walks to the nearby park where the tennis courts and basketball courts are free to use.

 

Curriculum choice was the one thing we don't argue about. He finds everything I choose too hard or too wordy for himself but sees that it works for our kids so he lets me do the picking. Also we outsourced Chinese and German and the teachers or school pick the curriculum and we just pay up.

 

ETA:

We are both in agreement that homeschooling is a semester by semester choice. We are pro public schools for elementary and high school though but the middle school is the mess and we would have opt for private school if homeschooling isn't working.

Edited August 3, 2017 by Arcadia

[Jean in Newcastle]

Do you mean that one person wants to homeschool and the other one doesn't? That comes up in threads from time to time.

 

Sometimes the person who is against it will agree to a trial run especially if the kids are young. And sometimes one year stretches into the next...

 

Sometimes if you discuss the reasons why they are against it and address the issues- making an effort to provide adequate time for socializing, for example- the person will withdraw their objection.

 

Sometimes the person against it has a valid point if they see that the primary homeschooler tends not to follow through perhaps due to being overwhelmed or EF issues. In that case afterschooling might be a better option.

 

Homeschooling requires both parents to be on board, in my opinion. Often one will do all the work and might be more enthusiastic but I think it would be impossible if the other person was actively against it.

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Elizabeth86]

Do you mean that one person wants to homeschool and the other one doesn't? That comes up in threads from time to time.

 

Sometimes the person who is against it will agree to a trial run especially if the kids are young. And sometimes one year stretches into the next...

 

Sometimes if you discuss the reasons why they are against it and address the issues- making an effort to provide adequate time for socializing, for example- the person will withdraw their objection.

 

Sometimes the person against it has a valid point if they see that the primary homeschooler tends not to follow through perhaps due to being overwhelmed or EF issues. In that case afterschooling might be a better option.

 

Homeschooling requires both parents to be on board, in my opinion. Often one will do all the work and might be more enthusiastic but I think it would be impossible if the other person was actively against it.

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

No we both want homeschool, check out the reply I made.

[Bootsie]

To make it short, he always wants to homeschool no matter what. I want to take it year to year child by child and personally I dont feel called to homeschool middle or high school.

 

Also, I feel he is always encouraging me to push advanced things on ds and I think he is happy on grade level and insisting to teach ds age 4 to read. I have no doubt he could, I just dont see he is super interested or any benefit to doing this besides to say.. look how smart my kid is. Know what I mean? My reason to homeschool is simply to keep then at home during the little years to keep them close and enjoy them being little. I want them to be on grade level when they do go to school. I think dh just wants them to be advanced or something.

 

For the record, he really doesnt do any of the homeschooling. Even though its a long way off it stresses me out thinking of stressing about chemistry and algebra with my olders and neglecting snuggling and playing with my littles. Im just not interested. I dont see the benefit of this. I like teaching them in the fun years, but older grades seems so consuming. I know I shouldnt worry right now, but easier said than done.

For the first issue, I think it is best not to be concerned about on agreeing on things that are a number of years down the road.  You and your husband may both have strong feelings about high school but you may both change your mind about it by then.  You can each have your own opinion now.  At some point, you will need to agree on the actions to take, but that is different than needing to agree on future, hypothetical situations.

 

For the second issue, have you talked to him about his encouragement to push advanced material?  Does he have particular concerns?  What are the basis for those concerns?  Do you agree on the basic reasons to home school right now (without looking into the future)?

[Elizabeth86]

For the first issue, I think it is best not to be concerned about on agreeing on things that are a number of years down the road. You and your husband may both have strong feelings about high school but you may both change your mind about it by then. You can each have your own opinion now. At some point, you will need to agree on the actions to take, but that is different than needing to agree on future, hypothetical situations.

 

For the second issue, have you talked to him about his encouragement to push advanced material? Does he have particular concerns? What are the basis for those concerns? Do you agree on the basic reasons to home school right now (without looking into the future)?

Yes, best not to worry, but its just what I do. I honestly have always been preoccupied with 10 years down the road. I think advanced is honestly just pride for him. No we have totally different reasons to homeschool.

[brehon]

To make it short, he always wants to homeschool no matter what. I want to take it year to year child by child and personally I dont feel called to homeschool middle or high school.

 

Also, I feel he is always encouraging me to push advanced things on ds and I think he is happy on grade level and insisting to teach ds age 4 to read. I have no doubt he could, I just dont see he is super interested or any benefit to doing this besides to say.. look how smart my kid is. Know what I mean? My reason to homeschool is simply to keep then at home during the little years to keep them close and enjoy them being little. I want them to be on grade level when they do go to school. I think dh just wants them to be advanced or something.

 

For the record, he really doesnt do any of the homeschooling. Even though its a long way off it stresses me out thinking of stressing about chemistry and algebra with my olders and neglecting snuggling and playing with my littles. Im just not interested. I dont see the benefit of this. I like teaching them in the fun years, but older grades seems so consuming. I know I shouldnt worry right now, but easier said than done.

I'm a huge proponent of meeting my kids' educational needs and wants. So, if your elementary kiddo needs/wants more than what you're currently doing, be willing to reach with him. If your 4 yo truly isn't ready or interested in reading, fine. But don't make the mistake of conflating snuggling with teaching. They actually mesh very well, especially at the younger ages. It isn't a zero sum game.

 

Many parents of only young children think they couldn't possibly teach middle school or high school. Then they reach those grades and either realize that truly it's just the next step or decide that a b&m school is best for their situations. Neither is absolutely right or wrong. Just make sure your decisions about whether or not you should accelerate your kids come from a place of rest, confidence, and striving to meet your kids' needs and not from a place of only thinking about your comfort level or fear about an unknowable future.

 

My youngers spend between 15 minutes to 4-5 hours per day on their school work, depending on age/grade. My middle schooler spends about 5-6 hours per day and my high schoolers put in a full day's work.

 

Whatever you decide you'll do fine. :)

 

- signed a mom of 6: 2 (!) high schoolers, 1 middle schooler, 2 elementary schoolers, & 1 pre-K'er.

[SparklyUnicorn]

To make it short, he always wants to homeschool no matter what. I want to take it year to year child by child and personally I dont feel called to homeschool middle or high school.

 

 

 

He doesn't get to decide this if he isn't the one doing the homeschooling.  End of story.

 

Not trying to sound like a jerk, but nope....

[kroe1]

DH used to butt in quite frequently. He would research or hear something and want me to stop everything and investigate. It used to go beyond irritating to me. However, when I eventually fired myself as teacher, DH was ready to step in. He did a great job, much better than I.

[Bluegoat]

To make it short, he always wants to homeschool no matter what. I want to take it year to year child by child and personally I dont feel called to homeschool middle or high school.

 

Also, I feel he is always encouraging me to push advanced things on ds and I think he is happy on grade level and insisting to teach ds age 4 to read. I have no doubt he could, I just dont see he is super interested or any benefit to doing this besides to say.. look how smart my kid is. Know what I mean? My reason to homeschool is simply to keep then at home during the little years to keep them close and enjoy them being little. I want them to be on grade level when they do go to school. I think dh just wants them to be advanced or something.

 

For the record, he really doesnt do any of the homeschooling. Even though its a long way off it stresses me out thinking of stressing about chemistry and algebra with my olders and neglecting snuggling and playing with my littles. Im just not interested. I dont see the benefit of this. I like teaching them in the fun years, but older grades seems so consuming. I know I shouldnt worry right now, but easier said than done.

 

You really just don't know about the future.  Things could change to such an extent in 10 years - heck, we could have a world-wide natural disaster.  Your kid could have special needs, or he could have a great opportunity to go to a special school.  You could get sick, or your dh could lose his job.  Who knows!

 

I would just say to my dh, "Look, I think each year we need to look at how things are going and make a decision on that basis.  That doesn't mean we can't also plan a few years down the road."  Because really, you need to do both continually, just like a business plan.  Don't over-rule him, and he shouldn't over-rule you, at this point.  Once you kjnow more, when it is time to make a decision, your path may be clear.

 

I have to say, I would have little patience for the early academics thing.  I do most of the teaching and know a lot more about it, and the research, than my dh does.  If he wants us to advance more quickly, he can tell me, based on some real study, why it is a good idea in general, and for our child in particular.  There are no advantages teaching kids to read early, and potentially some problems, so the onus is on him to come up with something substantial.

 

By the same logic, I tend to listen to dh when we discuss his areas of expertise.

[heartlikealion]

Maybe when they are ready for those subjects you could outsource... dual enrollment? I would think that could be a compromise if possible.

 

Teaching the 4yr old to read. I guess you could work on it and if he grasps it, great. If he's really not interested, then I can see not pushing it. Benefit, maybe so that he can read independently earlier when you need to focus on one-on-one with the older ones? I don't know.

[MedicMom]

Gently, I've read most of your posts on this forum. You tend to think way too far in advance and worry about things that may or may not happen. If anxiety is a problem for you, I would recommend seeking some treatment. You may find a lot of these problems resolve themselves over time.

[Elizabeth86]

Gently, I've read most of your posts on this forum. You tend to think way too far in advance and worry about things that may or may not happen. If anxiety is a problem for you, I would recommend seeking some treatment. You may find a lot of these problems resolve themselves over time.

You are probably right. lol

[Katy]

It's really not smart to push a young boy academically, from a neuroscience perspective.  If DH insisted on pushing DS to read, I would tell DH HE needed to do it when he came home from work.  IMO, pushing for academic progress needs to not start until at least 3rd grade, and frankly teaching diligence with challenging curriculum starting at 8 or 9 is MUCH more important to long term success than reading 6 months early.

[Arcadia]

Also, I feel he is always encouraging me to push advanced things on ds and I think he is happy on grade level and insisting to teach ds age 4 to read. I have no doubt he could, I just dont see he is super interested or any benefit to doing this besides to say.. look how smart my kid is.

Who is your husband comparing your kids with? Himself (as in his own childhood) or the neighborhood kids. My husband's brother and his wife pushes their kids to be advanced while his sister and her husband don't. My husband's brother and his wife's need for their kids to be advanced is driven by financial insecurity.

 

My kids were early readers and because we come from a country that teach reading in two languages from preschool age (3 years old), he innocently answered people's queries that our kids are reading and that unintentionally make some parents panicked. Since my home country start teaching to read early, teaching a 4 year old child phonics wouldn't be seen as an out of place request/expectation.

[luuknam]

It's really not smart to push a young boy academically, from a neuroscience perspective. 

 

 

Citation please?

[catz]

He doesn't get to decide this if he isn't the one doing the homeschooling.  End of story.

 

Not trying to sound like a jerk, but nope....

 

:iagree: The number one ingredient to successfully homeschooling is a willing, enthusiastic parent.  I'd ask him how he'd like it if you showed up at his office and told him how to do his job without having him ask for advice.  That would never work here.  I would probably enroll my kids the next day.  LOL.

 

ETA - my kids were early readers.  It just happened.  We weren't using specific curriculum.  We read good books together, played alphabet games, and I followed their lead.  If you don't want to do anything structured with a 4 year old and the 4 year old isn't clamoring for it, I think that is absolutely fine.

 

Edited August 3, 2017 by WoolySocks

[luuknam]

Btw, I agree with Sparkly. If my wife wanted to homeschool the kids and I don't, then the option would be for her to do it while I get a job paying $8/hour. Not going to happen. But realistically, you have plenty of years before middle school - he may change his mind, or you may change yours, or you both might and you might be asking the reverse question, lol.

[brehon]

To bring my initial reply from the more abstract to the more practical, you both can have your way with regard to homeschooling, to a point. It's perfectly fine for your dh to want to homeschool to graduation as an ideal and it's also perfectly fine for you to want to make the decision about whether or not to hs for each kid each year. You both need to agree to consider each other's POV. I'm on my phone and can't see your kids' ages, but, assuming they're early elem and younger, neither of you really need to make set in stone educational plans right now. That's borrowing trouble you don't need.

 

As far as your dh wanting your kids to "be advanced" have you asked him what that specifically looks like? How advanced? One grade level? Two? Ten? Algebra in 6th grade? Reading and understanding Dostoyevsky by 5th grade?

 

I think you both need to sit down and talk about each of your specific expectations and reasonings.

[Katy]

Citation please?

 

This has been discussed at length here before, I don't have time to google it for you. There have been many, many studies that suggest that outdoor play and learning risk assessment through things like jumping off of rocks is important to brain development and must be conquered before sitting down and being still.  There are also plenty of studies that redshirting (especially boys) allows for greater academic achievement later, and means that they are much less (I believe the last time I posted a study here something along the lines of 80% less) likely to be diagnosed with a learning disability, anxiety, or ADHD.  This isn't because their brains are healthier, it's because boys especially are physically not ready to sit still and be quiet and absorb information the way girls are in early grades.

[luuknam]

This has been discussed at length here before, I don't have time to google it for you. There have been many, many studies that suggest that outdoor play and learning risk assessment through things like jumping off of rocks is important to brain development and must be conquered before sitting down and being still.  There are also plenty of studies that redshirting (especially boys) allows for greater academic achievement later, and means that they are much less (I believe the last time I posted a study here something along the lines of 80% less) likely to be diagnosed with a learning disability, anxiety, or ADHD.  This isn't because their brains are healthier, it's because boys especially are physically not ready to sit still and be quiet and absorb information the way girls are in early grades.

 

 

You can spend tons of time climbing on rocks and still spend 15 min a day teaching a 4yo to read. And every study I've seen says that redshirted kids are behind kids the same age who were not redshirted. So, they may be ahead of their classmates who are a year younger, but behind where they would've been themselves if they hadn't been redshirted. And none of the above has much to do with neuroscience, nor much with homeschooling compared to a classroom environment. 

 

ETA: not saying anybody should teach a 4yo to read. Just saying it doesn't preclude climbing on rocks. 

Edited August 3, 2017 by luuknam

[BusyMom5]

I think it's fine for your DH to think of this as long term, and for you to focus on one year at a time.  HOnestly, so many things can happen, it's just a yearly choice anyway, no matter how much we want to say otherwise.  LIfe happens.  

[Jean in Newcastle]

Teach the child you have.  That doesn't mean that we don't do some gentle leading for reluctant learners in the early years and perhaps some stronger pushing in the older years.  :)  But many things in the younger years are developmental.  You can push a child to learn past where they are developmentally but it is a hard slog and I think can be harmful.  If  you wait for the right time, things come so much easier and naturally.  Teaching the child you have requires really looking and listening to your child to see where their strengths and weaknesses are and then coming alongside them.  For accelerated kids that means often that they are pulling us along at breakneck speed.  For average kids we tend to go at a much more manageable pace.  For reluctant kids it may mean some waiting and redirecting to areas of strength (or focusing more on the active play) or it may mean getting some evaluations to see if there is a learning problem.  One of the joys of homeschooling is the specific attention we can give our kids.  But one of the "burdens" of homeschooling is that the buck stops here and we really do need to pay attention to our kids' needs.      (I'm not diagnosing any problems - just giving some general advice to those who are earlier in the journey than I am.) 

[Elizabeth86]

So, your DH does very little around the house, can't even lay out his own clothes, doesn't do any of the homeschooling and now thinks he gets to dictate exactly how and how long he's going to have YOU do all that work?

 

That's a problem.

But on the other hand Ive literally never contributed a dime to our family either. So, he is not useless, he just doesnt help me do my job, but I dont help him with his job either.

[luuknam]

But on the other hand Ive literally never contributed a dime to our family either. So, he is not useless, he just doesnt help me do my job, but I dont help him with his job either.

 

 

But do you tell him how to do his job, which promotion to take, etc etc? As in, not just give your opinion, but actually make him?

[luuknam]

Btw, I'm all for both parents talking about how to raise a kid. I just don't think that one parent can just treat the other parent as their personal slave wrt whether to homeschool or not, etc. 

[catz]

You can spend tons of time climbing on rocks and still spend 15 min a day teaching a 4yo to read. And every study I've seen says that redshirted kids are behind kids the same age who were not redshirted. So, they may be ahead of their classmates who are a year younger, but behind where they would've been themselves if they hadn't been redshirted. And none of the above has much to do with neuroscience, nor much with homeschooling compared to a classroom environment. 

 

ETA: not saying anybody should teach a 4yo to read. Just saying it doesn't preclude climbing on rocks. 

 

Mmm ... I haven't seen any data that supports "So, they may be ahead of their classmates who are a year younger, but behind where they would've been themselves if they hadn't been redshirted." if we're talking about kids in the classroom.  I tend to think many early elementary skills are at least as much developmental as they are due to exposure.  And even if a parent decides to red shirt their kid and let's assume the kid isn't where he would be academically maybe the kid is more appropriately placed behaviorally and socially. My kid went to all day kindergarten at almost 6 and getting through those LONG days was hard and was literally impossible for some of the youngest boys in the class who got pigeon holed as trouble makers and were visiting with the principle all year long. 

 

I think parents are uniquely qualified to decided when there kids are ready to sit down and learn something.  I did nothing with my kid before kindergarten and he was still WAY ahead of the curve.  Preschoolers are learning all the time. 

 

I do agree there is a huge difference between kids in a classroom all day and kids homeschooling. In early elementary we did 3 blocks of time 15-20 minutes for reading, writing, and math and everything else was cake.  But they learned a ton through their "unschooling" time too.  I don't think homeschool kids are really ever red shirted if parents are educating their kids as individuals.

[SparklyUnicorn]

But on the other hand Ive literally never contributed a dime to our family either. So, he is not useless, he just doesnt help me do my job, but I dont help him with his job either.

 

Nobody said he is useless.  But as pointed out, you do not tell him how to do his job.  Do you tell him you wish he'd really apply himself more so he can make more money?   Or if he did his job in XYZ way he'd be a better employee?  It's kinda the same as that in my mind. 

 

Your worth should not be measured in the amount of money you earn. 

 

Only once my husband made some comment about what I was doing.  He was taught how to do some specific notation in math and said I should do it that way because it is the better way. I invited him to teach math because I have no such knowledge of that way.  I alternately suggested he find a book that does it that way (I knew he would not find it).  He never mentioned it again.  He isn't willing/able to do that.  It wasn't any sort of disagreement.  I let him know that I "heard" his suggestion, but I can't teach something I have no knowledge of (or can't at least get some sort of book that teaches it).  

 

It was always my goal to homeschool all the way through.  I wanted to keep that consistency in my children's life.  However, not a year goes by where I don't leave other options on the table because I just can't predict the future.  If I got sick or we needed the money, I have to allow for the possibility that homeschooling is not doable.  OR if I just burn out and can't be a good facilitator/teacher to my kids, I have to know when another option would be better. 

[Elizabeth86]

But do you tell him how to do his job, which promotion to take, etc etc? As in, not just give your opinion, but actually make him?

No, but there arent really many choices either.

[SparklyUnicorn]

If you insist on putting a price on your services:

 

http://www.debsdomesticagency.com/salary-guidelines/

 

There ya go... :closedeyes:

[JIN MOUSA]

Is this something y'all talked about, with each of you having an opportunity to express your thoughts and ideas and to feel heard and validated by the other?

[Paige]

Have you considered the costs of a full time private tutor and nanny? And housekeeper, I guess, since he's not helping there either. Because that's what he'd have to pay for if you decided to no longer contribute in the way you have been doing. Sure, you could go to work and take a paying job, but your childcare arrangements and schooling options would not be the same as what you now provide. 

 

Of course you are contributing equally. How'd he like to not be able to rely on you to take the kids to the doctor, stay home when they are sick, and otherwise equally share the burden of child rearing like he should if you also had a full time job outside the home? 

 

As for the rest:

 

Don't worry about middle or high school when your kids are little. You have no idea who you or they will be in several years and what will be best for everyone then. Nod and smile if your DH wants to talk about not planning year to year, but in reality, there's no other reasonable option.

 

He's welcome to tutor the kids in advanced subjects he cares about on the weekends and after work. My DH did none of the schooling so he picked none of the curricula. If he wanted to do something, I would have welcomed it, but I would not welcome being told what to do myself.

 

It's easy to see if the 4yr old cares about reading- get some early readers and maybe an easy curriculum like 100 Easy Lessons or Alphaphonics and spend 10min a day reading the readers or doing the lessons or both. If your 4yr old is happy to do it, then keep on. If it's torture, stop. I would at least consider trying it to make DH feel better since it is a small thing to do. 

[Elizabeth86]

Is this something y'all talked about, with each of you having an opportunity to express your thoughts and ideas and to feel heard and validated by the other?

 

Well I mean we discuss it, but we still want things our own way. Last year when I was feeling down he said if I wouldnt homeschool him he would, but I promise you it wouldnt happen.

[Elizabeth86]

Have you considered the costs of a full time private tutor and nanny? And housekeeper, I guess, since he's not helping there either. Because that's what he'd have to pay for if you decided to no longer contribute in the way you have been doing. Sure, you could go to work and take a paying job, but your childcare arrangements and schooling options would not be the same as what you now provide.

 

Of course you are contributing equally. How'd he like to not be able to rely on you to take the kids to the doctor, stay home when they are sick, and otherwise equally share the burden of child rearing like he should if you also had a full time job outside the home?

 

As for the rest:

 

Don't worry about middle or high school when your kids are little. You have no idea who you or they will be in several years and what will be best for everyone then. Nod and smile if your DH wants to talk about not planning year to year, but in reality, there's no other reasonable option.

 

He's welcome to tutor the kids in advanced subjects he cares about on the weekends and after work. My DH did none of the schooling so he picked none of the curricula. If he wanted to do something, I would have welcomed it, but I would not welcome being told what to do myself.

 

It's easy to see if the 4yr old cares about reading- get some early readers and maybe an easy curriculum like 100 Easy Lessons or Alphaphonics and spend 10min a day reading the readers or doing the lessons or both. If your 4yr old is happy to do it, then keep on. If it's torture, stop. I would at least consider trying it to make DH feel better since it is a small thing to do.

No meney for nanny or housekeeping. Thinking about a dishwasher.

[prairiewindmomma]

If you and your dh disagree about aspects of your childs education, how do you reach a decision. Dh agrees to homeschool its just a few things we disagree about. Curious how it works for others. I will update some specifics later.

 

My solution has always been to have dh take a few vacation days and step into my shoes. It's amazing the number of problems that that resolves. In the meantime, I get a break.

 

It took a number of years to work this out, and this year it resulted in dh agreeing that youngest definitely needs to go to a high quality preschool 5 mornings a week so I can work with my SN son without interruptions.

[Lang Syne Boardie]

If I had somebody telling me that I would be expected to homeschool through high school AND that I would be expected to push, push, push on academics like some kind of a tiger mom, and my kids were still little...

 

I would quit. Now. If you can't find some resolution, take the kids down to the public school and enroll them. Get off the crazy train before you feel like you're in a prison and your little kids start to feel stressed out.

 

I say that as a person who has Hs'ed come hell or high water, for almost twenty years. Even taking into account the tremendous benefits of hs'ing, this dynamic and home culture might be leading you all into too much stress.

 

If your child is pushed a bit too hard at school, home can be his safe place to rest and refresh. But where does he go to rest if it's home that's pushing him?

 

Also, it's not even possible to homeschool according to someone else's dictates. Homwschooling is too personal, too relational...it's your relationship with your own child. DH can say he doesn't want his kids behind ps, doesn't want to unschool, that kind of general conviction about his child's education. But in homeschool, the teacher teaches as her conscience and skills allow. He's not a school board, you're not an employee.

[prairiewindmomma]

But on the other hand Ive literally never contributed a dime to our family either. So, he is not useless, he just doesnt help me do my job, but I dont help him with his job either.

 

I'm guessing these words didn't originally come out of your mouth.

 

If they did, and especially if they didn't, I would really urge you to consider them and all of their implications carefully.

[Jean in Newcastle]

No meney for nanny or housekeeping. Thinking about a dishwasher.

 

She's not telling you to get a nanny or a housekeeper.  She's telling you that you are "saving" the cost of those jobs by doing those tasks. 

[lllll]

nm

Edited August 5, 2017 by lllll

[Arcadia]

Well I mean we discuss it, but we still want things our own way. Last year when I was feeling down he said if I wouldn't homeschool him he would, but I promise you it wouldn't happen.

No money for nanny or housekeeping. Thinking about a dishwasher.

Could you get your husband and/or your older kids to help wash the dishes. For my side of the family, anyone tall enough to turn on the kitchen faucet will wash their own bowl/plate. We have a "fall off kitchen stools" problem so anyone who is short for age gets a pass on washing their plates until they are tall enough.

 

My husband actually does help wash the dishes (pots, pans, etc) when I ask him to or when he sees them stacked in the kitchen sink while I am busy with our kids. However during his busy work season, he has bought cheap but decent paper plates and bowls so that there is less things to clean up. It really free up quite a lot of our time as my kids eat 6 smaller meals instead of 3 big ones.

 

My family finances were much tighter when my kids were younger but my husband was willing to pay up for English tutors since our afterschool and homeschool agreement was all languages are outsourced. My kids were in public school. My husband is much more pro homeschooling than I am and when it comes to the crunch, he will pay up for tutors and such even if he needs to pick up a weekend job to supplement the family income. For us, it is public middle school that we want to avoid.

 

Could you afford a dishwasher now? If not I would put buying a dishwasher into the household budget.

 

Is it possible to budget some fun money into your current household budget? When we were financially very tight, my parents gave me some fun money every month so I could afford to treat myself to chocolates or frapuccino or a cone of ice-cream without feeling bad about it.

 

ETA:

Our original intention was for me to stay home until my DS11 is in kindergarten and then rejoin the workforce to ease my boredom. There are still many above minimum wage nearby jobs that I am qualified for if I sent our kids to school. That did make my husband less "bossy". He wants a parent home and he feels that it is better for me to be home because our kids are just very intense.

Edited August 3, 2017 by Arcadia

[Frances]

If he really wants your young son to be reading, then he can teach him. As others have mentioned, he would probably only have to spend about 15 minutes per day. The same goes for any other area in which he wants him to be advanced. If your son is ready and capable, it won't take much time. If he's not, then it's time to stop. From some of your other posts, I'm guessing you're already "working" at least twice as many hours as your husband, so he should be able to take the time to teach your son anything he thinks is important.

 

My son was always quite advanced in science, but not be design. My husband, a scientist, just spent lots of time with him talking about and showing him all sorts of things, including lots of science things. It was the same with math for both of us. It came up naturally in everyday life, and he grasped the concepts quickly. As for reading, I saw no reason to teach my highly verbal son early, but others make different choices. He was read to and/ or listened to audio books for hours every day. I held off teaching until close to seven, but he quickly moved to chapter books and has aced every reading and verbal test he's ever taken. Personally, I think exposing young kids to a rich language environment through discussion and reading aloud/ audio books is more beneficial than teaching reading, as they are exposed to far more advanced vocabulary and concepts. But of course if a child is ready and begging to learn, there's no need to wait.

[Liz CA]

If you insist on putting a price on your services:

 

http://www.debsdomesticagency.com/salary-guidelines/

 

There ya go... :closedeyes:

 

Now I want to know what a "houseman" does to earn $35,000 or more annually? Home repairs? :lol:

[Elizabeth86]

I'm guessing these words didn't originally come out of your mouth.

 

If they did, and especially if they didn't, I would really urge you to consider them and all of their implications carefully.

No hes never made any issue about it.

[fullmoon]

To make it short, he always wants to homeschool no matter what. I want to take it year to year child by child and personally I dont feel called to homeschool middle or high school.

 

Also, I feel he is always encouraging me to push advanced things on ds and I think he is happy on grade level and insisting to teach ds age 4 to read. I have no doubt he could, I just dont see he is super interested or any benefit to doing this besides to say.. look how smart my kid is. Know what I mean? My reason to homeschool is simply to keep then at home during the little years to keep them close and enjoy them being little. I want them to be on grade level when they do go to school. I think dh just wants them to be advanced or something.

 

For the record, he really doesnt do any of the homeschooling. Even though its a long way off it stresses me out thinking of stressing about chemistry and algebra with my olders and neglecting snuggling and playing with my littles. Im just not interested. I dont see the benefit of this. I like teaching them in the fun years, but older grades seems so consuming. I know I shouldnt worry right now, but easier said than done.

 

 

Don't worry so much about future homeschooling. Enjoy what you are doing now. You can decide when you get to middle or highschool what you want to do. There could be multiple compromises to be made that don't require you to teach higher level classes - such as outsourcing all classes online/co-ops or private school and are more rigorous than typical public school academics.

 

I would show him the data that pushing early formal academics does nothing to benefit the future education. If a student learns to read at age 4 or age 7, they will typically even out by the end of elementary school. Many countries don't start formal academics until age 7 and they turn out fine, if not better. I wouldn't be very happy with my spouse micromanaging how I should do something.