Would this bug you?

[TheReader]

Probably I'm just showing my conservative side.....but just in case. 

 

DS (16) had his wisdom teeth out today.

 

The oral surgeon comes to our regular dentist's office, every other Saturday, so not a guy we will see, but operating out of our regular practice. In case that matters. And, overall, we were very pleased. 

 

But, DS informed us later that the oral surgeon was "language-y" -- apparently once we left the room (once DS had the IV inserted), the doctor used "a few" cuss words while talking with the assistants and setting up, and once to answer a question DS had asked him. 

 

(DS asked if it was normal his teeth were chattering so much; the doctor replied, "yes, you're scared as sh--, of course it's normal" or something similar in a casual tone). 

 

So, it didn't *bother* DS, but it stuck with him enough that he volunteered the info to his older brother as part of his description of "So, how was it..?"  (that was his reply, "Well, the doctor was a little language-y, but other than that it was not too bad..."). 

 

So......am I just weirdly conservative and this is no big deal? Or would you casually mention it next time you're at the dentist, or if we get a follow-up survey or call or something? 

 

The practice is very casual, if that makes a difference. And the oral surgeon seemed really professional and competent while we were there, and so unless something drastic goes wrong with the recovery, we'll be fine using him again. Just...this was odd to us. 

 

What do you guys say? Are we the odd ones? 

[Janeway]

It is a big deal and should be reported. It is not OK.

[Tangerine]

My OB office is a little sweary. I swear like a sailor, but honestly it sort of weirds me out at the doctor. It wouldn't bother me enough to say something, even if they were that way with my older kids. But I get why it seems off putting.

Edited July 8, 2017 by Tangerine

[Catwoman]

I would think his language was unprofessional, but it sounds like he was very nice to your son and he did an excellent job, so I wouldn't even think about commenting or complaining about a few questionable words.

 

If he had cursed AT your son, that would have been another matter entirely, though!

[alisoncooks]

Maybe I would assume he was trying to "relate" to a teenage boy?

 

ETA: I was surprised at how "language-y" my orthopedic surgeon was.  I had my ACL replaced by a younger man, and he used profanity at nearly every appointment we had.  Pretty sure he dropped the f-bomb on the day of my surgery, also.

Edited July 8, 2017 by alisoncooks

[TheReader]

Maybe I would assume he was trying to "relate" to a teenage boy?

 

ETA: I was surprised at how "language-y" my orthopedic surgeon was.  I had my ACL replaced by a younger man, and he used profanity at nearly every appointment we had.  Pretty sure he dropped the f-bomb on the day of my surgery, also.

 

That was my assumption when DH & I talked about it; trying to put my son at ease, not realizing we aren't folks that swear. 

 

And then DS said later on too that maybe the doctor thought he was already less awake than he really was (so thought DS couldn't hear him), at least for part of it. In which case, maybe he gets a pass for that. 

[wendyroo]

In that situation, I would think no harm, no foul.

 

The doctor was professional with you, what he said didn't upset the patient, and you would return to him in the future.  I'm not even sure how I would word a negative report so that it didn't come off sounding tattly, seeing as you don't really seem to have any complaints.

 

Wendy

 

 

[meena]

I think it's unprofessional. We don't use that type of language, so our kids aren't used to it. It would probably throw them for a loop to hear someone in a health setting speak like that. 

 

I personally don't like it. I grew up in a home with plenty of swear words used, so I'm used to hearing it all. If I went to a doctor or dentist and heard that language being used repeatedly, I probably wouldn't say anything but I wouldn't return. I recently got my hair cut and the stylist threw an f-bomb into the conversation. I didn't say anything, and if I really liked her services, her saying that one time wouldn't keep me from coming back. I haven't overall liked her services, though, so that was just another nail in the coffin. I do think it's different with people in different industries. I would expect health professionals to censor themselves more than a stylist or mechanic, for instance.

[creekland]

I consider it unprofessional, and I wouldn't return to him under any circumstance short of an emergency. It's just the way we are. Swearing has a time and place, but that isn't it.

I wouldn't complain unless sent a survey. I just wouldn't return. It's not my thing.

Edited July 8, 2017 by creekland

[zoobie]

It's weird with someone you don't know well, and weird with a kid. Maybe trying to relate to a teen as someone said?

 

DH personally and professionally knows the orthopaedic surgeon who performed surgery on him. The surgery was more complicated than expected and he came in to check on DH afterwards and said, "yeah the joint was super f@$)ed!" (He then went on to explain what he did in real medical terminology.) I cannot imagine him saying that if it were a kid even knowing that we aren't opposed to language.

[Selkie]

Yes, that would bother me. It is sloppy and unprofessional, and it would make me wonder if he is sloppy and unprofessional about other aspects of his job as well.

[bettyandbob]

It would not bother me. He wasn't directing the language at the patient.

 

Did he do the surgery and provide appropriate follow up care? That is all I'd be concerned with.

[TheReader]

I consider it unprofessional, and I wouldn't return to him under any circumstance short of an emergency. It's just the way we are. Swearing has a time and place, but that isn't it.

 

I wouldn't complain unless sent a survey. I just wouldn't return. It's not my thing.

 

Well, the actual dentist is a treasure worth his weight in gold, or anything else worth even more than that, or.....no way on earth we're leaving the practice. 

 

The oral surgeon we won't see again until/unless the next kid needs his wisdom teeth removed or something like that, he's not in the office normally (only the 2 Saturdays a month), so it won't really impact us any, ya know? 

 

Still, I would probably only mention it if the head dentist asks how it went, and only because he kind of strikes me as the kind of guy who would want to know, maybe. Sort of like, "Oh, DS is doing great! He said the doctor was a little language-y, but other than that it was not too bad, and we were really pleased with the experience aside from that." But only if he asks, and only in a casual manner, after reading the opinions in this thread. 

[zoobie]

Was he given any IV medication? I remember hearing some really bizarro stuff when I was going in and out having my wisdom teeth removed. Snatches of conversation that I then combined in my head with my own dreams I guess. I think I had Versed. DH had Versed with a minor procedure and was telling me crazy stuff about a baseball player helping in the operating room. That's the medicine they give the people who then get filmed on the way home and get shared online to mock them... So thankful my parents did not do that, as I thought I could fly. Anyway, it might be that the doctor used other language which was enhanced by the effects of medication. ;)

[Scarlett]

I would think his language was unprofessional, but it sounds like he was very nice to your son and he did an excellent job, so I wouldn't even think about commenting or complaining about a few questionable words.

 

If he had cursed AT your son, that would have been another matter entirely, though!

Yes this. If it was a 5 year old I would feel differently....but I figure my 16 won't be scarred by a few bad words. As long as, like Cat says it wasn't directed at my kid. Being nice to my kid and competent would be more important.

[gardenmom5]

it's unprofessional to use such language with a patient -

even more, they way he spoke with him blaming him being scared for the reason his teeth were chattering was beyond unprofessional - it could have been an indication he was reacting to the sedative.

[bettyandbob]

it's unprofessional to use such language with a patient -

even more, they way he spoke with him blaming him being scared for the reason his teeth were chattering was beyond unprofessional - it could have been an indication he was reacting to the sedative.

I don't take the statement as blaming. It's an explanation "your teeth are chattering because you are scared". It's hard to read tone. The OP did not say her DS felt he was being yelled at it attacked. A person can use curse words in an explanation without attacking the person he is speaking to. If the OP had stated that her DS felt attacked verbally by the doctor then I'd agree that blaming the patient was a possibility. That is not what the OP said.

[gardenmom5]

I don't take the statement as blaming. It's an explanation "your teeth are chattering because you are scared". It's hard to read tone. The OP did not say her DS felt he was being yelled at it attacked. A person can use curse words in an explanation without attacking the person he is speaking to. If the OP had stated that her DS felt attacked verbally by the doctor then I'd agree that blaming the patient was a possibility. That is not what the OP said.

 

yes it is blaming.  there are other reasons that could have caused the chattering.  he was very dismissive of his patient's expressed concern.  he could have done something to support the patient and make him more comfortable - he didn't.

[Guest]

It is a big deal and should be reported. It is not OK.

Report that he said shit?? I can see being annoyed (which I wouldn't be) but reporting it (to who??) seems silly.

[Jean in Newcastle]

it's unprofessional to use such language with a patient -

even more, they way he spoke with him blaming him being scared for the reason his teeth were chattering was beyond unprofessional - it could have been an indication he was reacting to the sedative.

 

Yes.  What struck me is that his answer most likely wasn't even accurate.  Was your son terrified?  I sort of assume that he wasn't since he was asking why his teeth were chattering.  Most people would know if the reason was fear. 

[zoobie]

Yes. What struck me is that his answer most likely wasn't even accurate. Was your son terrified? I sort of assume that he wasn't since he was asking why his teeth were chattering. Most people would know if the reason was fear.

I agree. It's a reaction to one of the meds. It's happened to me every time I've had surgery.

[Seasider]

I think it's unprofessional.

 

I don't care what they say once I'm completely out, but if I'm un- or semi-sedated, language makes me think of an unanticipated emergency (as in, "Oh, sh!t, get the crash cart"). Not something that eases a patient, y'know.

 

I wouldn't mention it to the practice, but it is a good conversation topic. Not to make a moral judgment so much as to talk about how certain words and behaviors are considered unprofessional and may affect client relationships.

[TheReader]

it's unprofessional to use such language with a patient -

even more, they way he spoke with him blaming him being scared for the reason his teeth were chattering was beyond unprofessional - it could have been an indication he was reacting to the sedative.

 

 

Yes! I had an unpredicatable reaction to meds at the dentist. It freaked me out. He took time to stop and explain exactly what was going on, and how it was normal, not an indication of something going wrong - but f it had been, he would have dealt with that too. He didn't just give me a flippant answer. 

 

 

I don't take the statement as blaming. It's an explanation "your teeth are chattering because you are scared". It's hard to read tone. The OP did not say her DS felt he was being yelled at it attacked. A person can use curse words in an explanation without attacking the person he is speaking to. If the OP had stated that her DS felt attacked verbally by the doctor then I'd agree that blaming the patient was a possibility. That is not what the OP said.

 

 

yes it is blaming.  there are other reasons that could have caused the chattering.  he was very dismissive of his patient's expressed concern.  he could have done something to support the patient and make him more comfortable - he didn't.

 

 

Yes.  What struck me is that his answer most likely wasn't even accurate.  Was your son terrified?  I sort of assume that he wasn't since he was asking why his teeth were chattering.  Most people would know if the reason was fear. 

 

DS was definitely freaked out/afraid/anxious, and from our interaction with the doctor before he started the IV and we had to leave, he was bantering back & forth with my 16 yr old; the way DS relayed the conversation to me later (about the teeth chattering), I assume this was likely said in a bantering & friendly tone. And possibly followed up with actual medical information, but that's not going to stick in the mind of a still coming off the meds 16 yr old, ya know? And I was so caught off guard by the language that I didn't pursue that line of conversation to find out if the doctor did or did not accurately explain things further. 

 

In other words, I didn't find the response inappropriate because of the reason given (being scared), as that was likely a very valid aspect. Nor did I find it inappropriate given the lack of other accompanying medical knowledge, because who knows what else he might also have answered; from our limited pre-op interactions, I expect he would have explained other reasons as well.

 

The only part I thought maybe inappropriate was using "as sh--" instead of just "well, you're scared, right? so that's one reason...." When we were still in the room, he used the term "nervous nellie" with regard to DS (in a manner that was friendly and not accusatory or rude), so switching from "mom & dad safe language" to "edgy cool teenage language" is what threw me......though as a few have mentioned, maybe he was actually trying to relate to my son and put him more at ease by being relatable. 

 

Anyway, from the varied responses in the thread, I think I won't bring it up. So far DS is doing insanely well, which is what matters. And the guy took his time to explain to DH why, exactly, we were doing this in the first place, even pulling up our other son's xrays for comparison, to point out what factors make the call to pull or not pull wisdom teeth. And even with this, his bedside manner actually was really good. And, the more I read in this thread, and feel myself reacting to it, the more I realize it's not nearly as big a deal as I thought it was at first. :) 

[TheReader]

Was he given any IV medication? I remember hearing some really bizarro stuff when I was going in and out having my wisdom teeth removed. Snatches of conversation that I then combined in my head with my own dreams I guess. I think I had Versed. DH had Versed with a minor procedure and was telling me crazy stuff about a baseball player helping in the operating room. That's the medicine they give the people who then get filmed on the way home and get shared online to mock them... So thankful my parents did not do that, as I thought I could fly. Anyway, it might be that the doctor used other language which was enhanced by the effects of medication. ;)

 

Hmm. He was given an IV, but I know the surgeon specifically said he doesn't use the stuff that makes people "loopy" and afterwards DS was perfectly coherent, not even the tiniest bit out of it. So.....maybe not the same stuff. But also, maybe not an impossible theory, a 16 yr old mis-remembering the banter back & forth, as he was drifting off to sleep during it. Good point. 

[HxGirl]

I had worked in healthcare for many years and I would suggest you make a comment to your regular dentist. Speak to your usual provider privately in person or on the phone. State that you are happy with his care. Using the term your child used and just restate what was said and you can also state you don't choose to speak like that in your home. Your dentist may not be aware that this occurred. I kept the Medical Director of the long-term care facility I worked at up on issues like this as it can impact their license if something were to happen. My concern would be that if this surgeon chosen to lower their standards in this manner where else might they make similar choices. Professionals such as physicians, dentists, counselors, et al, are licensed for reasons and they should remain professional. You have a specific standard for your family and why should it be lowered?

[38carrots]

Yes! I had an unpredicatable reaction to meds at the dentist. It freaked me out. He took time to stop and explain exactly what was going on, and how it was normal, not an indication of something going wrong - but f it had been, he would have dealt with that too. He didn't just give me a flippant answer. 

 

If there were no other indications of an uncaring dentist, I'd assume that him saying what he said was an attempt to relax the patient. He made a joke, he tried to "even" the playing ground, maybe wanted to patient a bit surprise (to release tension). I'd be more stressed if I was told that I was experiencing an adverse reaction to medication.

 

Using language well, I'd say. And the proof--the teen had a good experience.

 

No, it wouldn't bother me.

[creekland]

Well, the actual dentist is a treasure worth his weight in gold, or anything else worth even more than that, or.....no way on earth we're leaving the practice. 

 

The oral surgeon we won't see again until/unless the next kid needs his wisdom teeth removed or something like that, he's not in the office normally (only the 2 Saturdays a month), so it won't really impact us any, ya know? 

 

Still, I would probably only mention it if the head dentist asks how it went, and only because he kind of strikes me as the kind of guy who would want to know, maybe. Sort of like, "Oh, DS is doing great! He said the doctor was a little language-y, but other than that it was not too bad, and we were really pleased with the experience aside from that." But only if he asks, and only in a casual manner, after reading the opinions in this thread. 

 

I would never leave my regular dentist over something an oral surgeon did.  I never meant that.  However, I would not go back to this oral surgeon.  Around here we have choices, so I'd be trying someone else next time there was a need.  If asked why, I'd say why - on a survey or in person.  I wouldn't go out of my way to "report" anyone though.  Different strokes for different folks.

 

Using unprofessional language in a professional setting just doesn't sit right with me.  Folks in my circle don't do it (other settings - lunch tables with friends, etc -  can be different).  I like it that way.  I support what I like with my business dollars and see no need to lower the bar short of some sort of emergency when there are no other options.  I don't eat at restaurants where I don't like the food/staff/whatever.  Why should oral surgery be any different?

 

You can make your own choices (as can anyone reading).  I'm merely reporting what I expect and what I'd do.

[creekland]

ps  I'm the same way in my classrooms.  It's a professional setting.  I don't care what language kids use elsewhere, but I state up front that there are different settings where different language is acceptable and foul language is not acceptable in my classes even if other teachers (or parents or whoever/wherever) allow it.

 

Teens easily learn the difference - and I don't even have to use "punishment" to get them to align with my thoughts for my classroom.  If teens can learn and follow it, why should I expect less from adults?

[ErinE]

The dental surgery meds made my heart feel like it was racing at a million miles per minute. Nothing to do with being scared. I was scared, but that's not why my heart was racing.

I had the same thing happen to me. Along with numbing medicine, the injection includes epinephrine, which causes a racing heart and more importantly, constricts blood vessels which keeps the numbing medicine localized. A very kind, professional dentist explained the reason to me when I thought I was having a heart attack (despite my having much experience with dental surgery). Had he cussed at me, I would have been very unhappy.

[TheReader]

I would never leave my regular dentist over something an oral surgeon did.  I never meant that.  However, I would not go back to this oral surgeon.  Around here we have choices, so I'd be trying someone else next time there was a need.  If asked why, I'd say why - on a survey or in person.  I wouldn't go out of my way to "report" anyone though.  Different strokes for different folks.

 

Using unprofessional language in a professional setting just doesn't sit right with me.  Folks in my circle don't do it (other settings - lunch tables with friends, etc -  can be different).  I like it that way.  I support what I like with my business dollars and see no need to lower the bar short of some sort of emergency when there are no other options.  I don't eat at restaurants where I don't like the food/staff/whatever.  Why should oral surgery be any different?

 

You can make your own choices (as can anyone reading).  I'm merely reporting what I expect and what I'd do.

 

Ah, I misunderstood your original comment. Because of the set-up, we went with the "in house" oral surgeon. So, he's not 100% a part of the practice, but nor is he *not* a part of the practice. So, in my head, the only practice to leave was the dentist's practice. It hadn't even occured to me to not use the in-house oral surgeon.....you are right, that is a valid and viable option for next time. I just did not connect those dots at all. 

 

And I do hear you on professional language, that's what originally rubbed us wrong, and why I came here seeking other opinions. I appreciate the variety of responses I got, and didn't mean to come across argumentative or combative or anything. I'm glad for each one of you who chimed in and helped me think this through. Truly. 

[Tanaqui]

I don't think it's that big a deal - it's not like he was cursing at your son, or like your son was a very small child. However, it is unprofessional. He may have been trying to be casual so as to set your son at ease. Some people do feel more comfortable when professionals use more casual, more colloquial language, and for some of those, profanity sounds like "real talk, telling it like it is". However, in that setting you shouldn't start using profanity unless your patient does. (This is actually gleaned from a list of rules for con artists! Don't use profanity or religious talk unless the mark does, and if they do, join in.)

 

I think it's overkill to report this since neither you nor your son was really upset. (Then again, maybe you were more upset than you think. You did make a post asking for advice, after all.)

[foxbridgeacademy]

Nope wouldn't bother me as long as it wasn't "at" my kid (but we're very NOT conservative).  You can complain but it's unlikely they'll do anything.  The regular dentist probably considers themselves VERY lucky to have him and all the business he brings in.

[MommyLiberty5013]

Poor language bugs me. There are better ways for people to express themselves especially in a medical setting. I've never heard of a doctor swearing in front of a patient like that. Very unprofessional.

 

But I wouldn't report it. It would be more like a mental note I'd make for future possible interactions with this oral surgeon.

[Junie]

It would bother me and I *might* say something.

 

I had a high school teacher who sometimes cursed.  I didn't like it.  I wrote an anonymous note to him and my sister put it in his mailbox at school.  And the cursing actually stopped!  He slipped one time after the note, but it was obvious to me that he had changed his speech because of the note I wrote.  Now, whether he changed because he knew it bothered one of his students, or because he thought he was going to be reported -- I don't know.  

[lmrich]

It is unprofessional. 

[IsabelC]

Yes, I would be bothered. Coarse language doesn't bother me per se, but as others have pointed out, it's quite unprofessional in this context, and I would be concerned that if the dentist is being unprofessional with his language, then he might also be sloppy or unprofessional regarding other things such as hygiene, confidentiality, and so on. Of course, it may well be that this person was simply making  a misguided attempt to connect with your teen by using what he thought was 'youth' language. But I'd still offer some feedback to the practice manager.

 

Edited July 10, 2017 by IsabelC

[Soror]

This would not bother me enough to say anything. 

 

Yes, if my child felt his concerns were dismissed(at 16 I assume they would convey that to me if that occurred and nothing you wrote suggests that your ds felt that way) I would say something but for a few light curse words, no, I don't consider that a big deal.

[SimonJoshep]

Yes this should be reported. So that concerns will take some actions.

[SparklyUnicorn]

I like "language", but yeah in this case it would be odd.  Probably not odd enough to never go back there, but sure a bit odd.

 

 

[Bluegoat]

I would think it was a little unprofessional, but not bothered exactally.  I might mention it to the main dentist.  I can be very sweary myself but I think there is a time and place.

 

My first thought was that he was trying to "relate".

 

My second thought though was that I've noticed in the world of journalism that younger writers seem to have a "voice" that includes a lot of casual profanity, and I've seen it in other young people of that generation, though not so far in dentists.  But I might wonder, depending on his age, if that is what is going on.