Vegetarian Activism

[goldberry]

DD was showing me a funny video about "if meat eaters acted like vegetarians", you know, with a meat eater saying to a vegetarian "I can't believe you're eating that salad, how disgusting.." 

 

It occurred to me in my life, I know several vegetarians and vegans, and NONE of them are in your face about it.  I mentioned it to DD, and she said the vegetarians at her college are absolutely in your face, will comment on her food, etc.   I started wondering if this is partially a young person thing, you know how young people often feel the need to share their "righteous indignation" with everyone?  Or is it more just a personality thing and I've been lucky that the vegetarians in my life are nice, non-intrusive people?

 

I previously thought it was just a stereotype until DD told me some of her experiences.

[bettyandbob]

IME younger adults (college age) are often quite passionate about the issues they follow and some do act out this passion with "in your face" type behavior.

[AmandaVT]

It may be a combination of a younger thing and a new vegetarian thing. I've noticed people who have recently stopped eating meat are more militant and in your face than people who have been a vegetarian/vegan for awhile.

[MEmama]

I've never experienced that behaviour either, nor have I have been that way myself. I will say, however, that OTHER people can take huge offence to it, which I find truly baffling. My parents, for example, were downright angry when I went vegetarian after leaving home for college. I never said a word about it, but man...the anger on THEIR part lasted for years. Generally, I find others want to talk about it much more than I do (which is never). People are strange.

[Farrar]

I think it's a young person thing. I think some of it stems from being young and sometimes there's also a "my parents hate that I'm doing this and I really need to be out there about it because they're making me justify it all the time!" element too.

 

I've never known a real grown-up vegetarian or vegan who was at all in your face or judgey about it. I knew a woman who was super involved with animal rights causes and had been vegan forever and she still wouldn't say anything about people eating meat around her. She was very blase about it unless you really engaged her about it. Because that's how grown-ups act.

[Guest]

Was that the Super Spiritual Life one? I laughed hard at it.

[goldberry]

. Generally, I find others want to talk about it much more than I do (which is never). People are strange.

 

Exactly!  My MIL is vegan and I'm always asking her about it because she is an outrageously awesome cook and I always want to know what she does.  She never brings it up though.

[goldberry]

. She was very blase about it unless you really engaged her about it. Because that's how grown-ups act.

 

Yeah, that's been my experience around vegans also.  One of my vegetarian friends is actually very passionate about animal rights and I NEVER KNEW until I asked her about what she did in college.  She has a masters in philosophy and did her thesis related to animal rights.  But she never preaches about it or criticizes anyone else.

[Word Nerd]

I've experienced that several times. The most memorable example was at a potluck dinner party in which a (middle-aged) vegan talked about only that topic the entire night, dominated the conversation, and freaked out when she saw that the meatless lasagna the hostess had made especially for her contained cheese. She acted like it was an attempt to poison her instead of a misunderstanding that she was a vegan, not a vegetarian. (None of us really knew each other; it was a community social event coordinated by our church to get to know other members better.) No one expected her to eat it and the hostess apologized profusely, but there were plenty of other items she could eat and she didn't have to be so rude to the hostess.

[goldberry]

I've experienced that several times. The most memorable example was at a potluck dinner party in which a (middle-aged) vegan talked about only that topic the entire night, dominated the conversation, and freaked out when she saw that the meatless lasagna the hostess had made especially for her contained cheese. She acted like it was an attempt to poison her instead of a misunderstanding that she was a vegan, not a vegetarian. (None of us really knew each other; it was a community social event coordinated by our church to get to know other members better.) No one expected her to eat it and the hostess apologized profusely, but there were plenty of other items she could eat and she didn't have to be so rude to the hostess.

 

See, who are these people?  I really think they are the same people who bring up controversial political topic with casual acquaintances.  I don't think it's related to the "cause" at all as much as a lack of maturity or social skills, which probably spans all causes.

[Carol in Cal.]

Usually IME it's someone who has moved to that decision fairly recently.

 

Like that couple in their 70s who went to a one day vegan symposium and accepted every single thing that was said as Gospel truth and proceeded to tell everyone in the neighborhood about it.  All the time.  Every time they opened their mouths.  And actually gloated about how much longer they would live than the rest of us. 

[Guest]

As an adult, I have had experience with people in my face about WAP/Paleo and find it socially advantageous to stay closeted.

 

You have to know me pretty well to get past the "Oh what yummy McTrashburgers! I wish I hadn't stopped by the all-you-can-eat restaurant on my way over, but I am so stuffed I can't eat a bite." level of intimacy to the grunt after "I've noticed that you never eat any meat. You aren't one of those crazy vegemamarians, are you? I HATE vegemamarians so my kid can't play with your kid if you're one of THOSE!!!!!!"

 

I noticed the hostility starting around the turn of the millenium.

Edited May 13, 2017 by Guest

[SparklyUnicorn]

Only ever met one Vegan who was not "ram it down your throat".  Never met a vegetarian who was that way. 

 

 

[Word Nerd]

See, who are these people?  I really think they are the same people who bring up controversial political topic with casual acquaintances.  I don't think it's related to the "cause" at all as much as a lack of maturity or social skills, which probably spans all causes.

 

She was also following some religion-based hallelujah diet, so she was especially zealous about it.

[JessieC]

While I'm sure there is some small minority of vegetarians (and yes, probably around 20yo because that is the age of self-righteous indignation) who would say things like this, I believe most of this stereotype comes from what some meat eaters think the vegetarians are thinking, and not what they are saying. And I think they are incorrect about what the vegetarians are thinking--I have been a vegetarian for over 20 years and don't even notice or care what other people eat. If I chose to get offended or shocked about people eating meat, I would be in a constant state of irritation, or else have to become a hermit.

 

There is a weird backlash against vegetarians, I think because they make people feel reflective or defensive about their own food choices. 

[GoodGrief]

I think it really varies. It's a bit like homeschooling. Some homeschoolers can be a bit evangelical about their choice. But then there are the public schoolers who can't resist the urge to comment when they hear about someone making an alternative educational choice.

 

Humans are annoying, generally :lol:

[Loowit]

I think it really depends on the person.  My mom's cousin is a vegetarian and very vocal about it.  She has been that way for years.  DD's knows a few people around her age who are vegan that never say much at all unless asked.  Some people just seem to be more vocal about their life choices than others.

[Bluegoat]

I also think it's often young or the recently converted.  People who have been doing it a while usually calm down.

 

I do know, slightly, one person like that - a relative of my friend.  She is generally pretty agressive about all her view, which tend to the extreme no matter what the topic.

[MEmama]

Usually IME it's someone who has moved to that decision fairly recently.

 

Like that couple in their 70s who went to a one day vegan symposium and accepted every single thing that was said as Gospel truth and proceeded to tell everyone in the neighborhood about it. All the time. Every time they opened their mouths. And actually gloated about how much longer they would live than the rest of us.

Ha! My mother actually went to something like this fairly recently--she went on and on very insistently and angrily about how veganism is the ONLY way to go, how she was going vegan immediately and how stupid I am for not being and for not embracing her crazy...yeah, the same mom who spent so many years seething at my eating vegetarian. Of course she never attempted actually going vegan and I'm sure never thought about it again. Lol

[MEmama]

While I'm sure there is some small minority of vegetarians (and yes, probably around 20yo because that is the age of self-righteous indignation) who would say things like this, I believe most of this stereotype comes from what some meat eaters think the vegetarians are thinking, and not what they are saying. And I think they are incorrect about what the vegetarians are thinking--I have been a vegetarian for over 20 years and don't even notice or care what other people eat. If I chose to get offended or shocked about people eating meat, I would be in a constant state of irritation, or else have to become a hermit.

 

There is a weird backlash against vegetarians, I think because they make people feel reflective or defensive about their own food choices.

This x1000.

 

Also agreeing that there is a certain personality type who take offence at *anything* outside their own perceived norm.

[EMS83]

Ha! My mother actually went to something like this fairly recently--she went on and on very insistently and angrily about how veganism is the ONLY way to go, how she was going vegan immediately and how stupid I am for not being and for not embracing her crazy...yeah, the same mom who spent so many years seething at my eating vegetarian. Of course she never attempted actually going vegan and I'm sure never thought about it again. Lol

 

:lol:   But also  :grouphug: .  

[Julie Smith]

I've never experienced that behaviour either, nor have I have been that way myself. I will say, however, that OTHER people can take huge offence to it, which I find truly baffling. My parents, for example, were downright angry when I went vegetarian after leaving home for college. I never said a word about it, but man...the anger on THEIR part lasted for years. Generally, I find others want to talk about it much more than I do (which is never). People are strange.

 

When I became vegetarian my Dad insisted on stating I was, "a self limiter". So if we were going to a function or some kind where it was important for me to mention I was vegetarian my Dad would, if able, interrupt me saying, "I'm a vegetarian" with, "She is a self limiter". 

 

My boys, who have never eaten meat aren't militant about it. I was never militant about it. My Dh is a meat eater, and it has never been a problem for us. 

[Guest]

IME younger adults (college age) are often quite passionate about the issues they follow and some do act out this passion with "in your face" type behavior.

I agree. It's the same with militant fill-in-the-blank activists. They are so likely to be young. Older people generally have grown more accepting of other people making different choices.

[scholastica]

DD was showing me a funny video about "if meat eaters acted like vegetarians", you know, with a meat eater saying to a vegetarian "I can't believe you're eating that salad, how disgusting.."

 

It occurred to me in my life, I know several vegetarians and vegans, and NONE of them are in your face about it. I mentioned it to DD, and she said the vegetarians at her college are absolutely in your face, will comment on her food, etc. I started wondering if this is partially a young person thing, you know how young people often feel the need to share their "righteous indignation" with everyone? Or is it more just a personality thing and I've been lucky that the vegetarians in my life are nice, non-intrusive people?

 

I previously thought it was just a stereotype until DD told me some of her experiences.

After years of vegetarianism, a relative of mine sent a long, angry missive via email to the whole family when they went full vegan. There are still many sneering comments made whenever there are family gatherings and definitely a show being made of the vegan food being prepared in addition to the rest of the family's meal. Honestly, it just reminds me of in-your-face evangelism techniques that also have the opposite effect on me. Telling me I'm a fool if I don't believe everything you do about a particular subject isn't going to convert me to your point of view. Interestingly, I was vegetarian long before this person even thought of it, even though I'm not now. But this person is like this about a lot of things, so it's really more personality than anything.

[BigMamaBird]

The only time I ever had a vegetarian say anything to me unsolicited about food was when I brought a garbanzo bean salad to a 4th of July party.  She came over to thank me, it was pretty much the only thing there she could eat at that party besides chips, and asked for the recipe.  I felt bad, because I knew the host would totally have gone out of his way to have vegetarian options if he had known about her diet.  

[liber]

Its been my experience as well.  Years ago I traveled to Mexico with some friends.  They were newly vegetarian and really didn't eat all that well.  Just left the meat out.   They were also smokers.  I'm not. Traveling with them we had to sit in the smoking part of the restaurants all the time.  They wouldn't, not once, sit in non-smoking no matter how many times I asked.  I tried not eating meat just to please them.  But couldn't do it.  They believed eating meat gave one bad karma.  Of course, I don't believe in that.  I can see being a vegetarian for health reasons though.  Anyways, some of the times that I did eat meat we would have vehicle trouble.  So on the way back home we were in this restaurant in the middle of Mexico, in the smoking section.  The went from smoking menthols to unfiltered Mexican cigs and while they were smoking they had they nerve to tell I was not allowed to eat meat.  Well I lost it.  We had this big screaming fight.  I told them I was sick and tired of eating grilled cheese sandwiches and the like.  I was tired of sitting in the smoking section.  How dare they tell me I couldn't eat meat when I had to breath in their second hand smoke.  I told them they were hypocrites  and could F right off.  I stormed out the restaurant looking for any vehicle that had Canadian plates because I was going to ask for a ride home because I didn't want to travel with my friends any more.  They did come out and apologize and said I could eat beef not pork.  I agreed because i couldn't find another vehicle with Canadian plates.  So from that day one, I vowed I would never go on a road trip with vegetarians again. lol  So that's my story.

[lavender's green]

I've had bad experiences with vegetarians. Even older vegetarians who, IMO, should have known better than to force their diet on me (and yes, they were in a position to force it, for days at a time, during times of physical duress). Of course not all are like this, and so on. But my experience, when I medically needed animal protein, is bitter.

[Audrey]

I've known a few of the 'in-your-face' types, but they tend to be very young or new to it.  It's kind of like any new converts -- they've got some kind of extra zeal they just can't/won't contain.  The phase usually passes.

[J-rap]

I think a lot of young people in their 20's/early 30's are pretty in-your-face about a lot of things!  After that people seem to mellow.

[gardenmom5]

while generally, people mellow as they get older, or more established in their position/comfortable in their skins . . .it's not always.  I've a nephew who is in your face about his pet passions.  he's in his mid-40s.  . . . and just seems to be getting more obnoxious as the years go by. he is *always* the one to bring them up - he's likes to argue, and has been quite upfront about that. 

[Crimson Wife]

IME vegetarians who eat dairy and/or eggs are generally accepting of "you do your thing and let me do mine".

 

Vegans are typically (but not always) obnoxiously preachy.

 

I've never had a lacto-ovo vegetarian try to dictate what sort of sugar can be used in a dish the way I've had multiple vegans do. Not honey (which I could understand since it is produced by an animal) but sugar that comes from a plant.

[mamaraby]

I've never had a lacto-ovo vegetarian try to dictate what sort of sugar can be used in a dish the way I've had multiple vegans do. Not honey (which I could understand since it is produced by an animal) but sugar that comes from a plant.

Are you making this thing that they will be eating or just talking about making something and referencing what you made? If it's in response to the first, then it's understandable.

 

I find that some people who are making food that they expect you to eat, are open to actually making it something you can eat and the other people just expect you to eat it regardless and will be morally offended about how rude you are when you don't eat what they've made. There's a third, icky group that treats food as warfare - "can the vegan tell this isn't vegan when I serve it to them and say it is vegan?"

 

In my personal life, me being vegan only ever comes up in two contexts. A meal - "does this have dairy or eggs or other animal products in it?" so that I can figure out what to eat. A specific question asked of me by another person. It doesn't matter how inane the response is or how clearly you make it known that you are just talking about your own person, people will always respond negatively back. Gee, you asked me about me, but whatever. Let's make this all about you and how my personal choices judge you. In no case do I ever say that anyone else should do what I do. You do you and all that.

 

My family won't make anything vegan for gatherings consequently I have to bring the whole d*mn meal with me and therefore am far less interested in having meals with my family than I was before. I'm not asking that the entore thing be vegan, but a side dish or two would be nice and would cut down on the whole production on my end. Of course, even though pretty much no one else will make anythign I can eat, I am still expected to bring food to share. So, they eat my food, but I can't eat theirs. Awesome.

 

I wish meat eaters were less annoying.

[Katy]

I think it's a YouTube thing.  There are a few vegan "activists" on YouTube (Freelee the Banana girl) who make a LOT of money bullying people about veganism. Freelee is always trying to get people to eat 4,000 calories a day of raw fruit and swear that will make you thin without exercise, but you'll have so much energy you'll want to exercise.  She likes to yell and shame people, and generally be a bully about animal rights.  And environmental rights.  And thinks everyone should be sterilized and no one should have any children.  Apparently no one has told her about the Shakers.

 

When Freelee's crazy diet doesn't work and people gain 40 pounds and get acne from all of the sugar-induced insulin resistance, people get angry.  I believe Freelee has toned down some of the bullying because someone who's made even more money from YouTube decided to attack back maybe a year ago.  A bunch of her videos got taken down, and she calmed down a bit.

 

DD may have been really into watching the YouTube drama and filling me in last year.

[liber]

A question for the vegetarians/vegans. Do you make meat dishes for your family members and friends if you are hosting them for a meal?

[SparklyUnicorn]

A question for the vegetarians/vegans. Do you make meat dishes for your family members and friends if you are hosting them for a meal?

 

hells no

 

See I wouldn't expect that.  Not at all.  And never encountered any sort of willingness to accommodate.  Which, again, is fine.

 

That all aside, I've had vegans e-mailing me and spamming me and lecturing me to my face about their veganism.  I'm not even talking about difficulties with meals.  That I can live with.  The preaching I cannot.

[SparklyUnicorn]

But the one person I referred to who was vegan AND not like that actually did cook meat dishes for her husband.  She was of the mindset that people should come to their own conclusions regarding veganism.  Her husband after some years did become a vegan with her. 

[regentrude]

I have not had any negative encounters with vegans or vegetarians. I am happy to accommodate their dietary preferences when we eat together, and they never mention them in any other context.

[regentrude]

A question for the vegetarians/vegans. Do you make meat dishes for your family members and friends if you are hosting them for a meal?

 

My vegetarian/vegan friends do not. Nor would I expect them to do so!

 

They are OK participating in a meal where meat is served.

[Guest]

Are you making this thing that they will be eating or just talking about making something and referencing what you made? If it's in response to the first, then it's understandable.

 

I find that some people who are making food that they expect you to eat, are open to actually making it something you can eat and the other people just expect you to eat it regardless and will be morally offended about how rude you are when you don't eat what they've made. There's a third, icky group that treats food as warfare - "can the vegan tell this isn't vegan when I serve it to them and say it is vegan?"

 

In my personal life, me being vegan only ever comes up in two contexts. A meal - "does this have dairy or eggs or other animal products in it?" so that I can figure out what to eat. A specific question asked of me by another person. It doesn't matter how inane the response is or how clearly you make it known that you are just talking about your own person, people will always respond negatively back. Gee, you asked me about me, but whatever. Let's make this all about you and how my personal choices judge you. In no case do I ever say that anyone else should do what I do. You do you and all that.

 

My family won't make anything vegan for gatherings consequently I have to bring the whole d*mn meal with me and therefore am far less interested in having meals with my family than I was before. I'm not asking that the entore thing be vegan, but a side dish or two would be nice and would cut down on the whole production on my end. Of course, even though pretty much no one else will make anythign I can eat, I am still expected to bring food to share. So, they eat my food, but I can't eat theirs. Awesome.

 

I wish meat eaters were less annoying.

I get it, because I loathe mayonaisse. It really chaps my hide when people think they are going to convert me to eating mayo; green-eggs-and-ham-like. (It doesn't happen often, now that I am middle-aged.) I don't trust certain people to make me a sandwich because they have tried to "sneak" mayo on there, confident that I will suddenly love the sandwich and have no idea it's because there's mayo on it. I will know! i don't like how it tastes; I don't like how it smells; I don't like the feel of it in my mouth; I don't like the sound it makes when scooped from the jar. I'm screwed at picnics and BBQs unless I bring a few things I like to share, because everyone else will bring salads of 49 types, all made with mayonaisse.

 

I don't know *what* I will do if I live to be ninety and have to depend on someone else to make my food for me. Is there any sort of nationality that does not have the concept of mayonaisse in their food? I will have to hire a person from that nation! ðŸ˜

[regentrude]

My family won't make anything vegan for gatherings consequently I have to bring the whole d*mn meal with me and therefore am far less interested in having meals with my family than I was before. I'm not asking that the entore thing be vegan, but a side dish or two would be nice and would cut down on the whole production on my end. Of course, even though pretty much no one else will make anythign I can eat, I am still expected to bring food to share. So, they eat my food, but I can't eat theirs. Awesome.

 

See, this is what I don't get. It is so incredibly easy to make a few vegan dishes that are tasty. You don't need any "weird" ingredients that are meat substitutes - there is plenty of food that is naturally vegan already, and a lot more that can be made vegan by a simple ingredient switch.

Your family's refusal to make part of their meals vegan friendly seems to hint at deep underlying issues that go way beyond dietary preferences - because that's not how caring people behave. And since it's family who, presumably, have known you for a long time, it's not even the thoughtlessness that casual acquaintances may display.

 

I am sorry they treat you like this, and it makes me angry.

[nixpix5]

I haven't ran into this with vegetarians or vegans that I have met. What I have found though is anything can become a religion. If something is a religion to someone they will begin to evangelize and pass on the "good news". This could be eating choices, parenting, politics and oh my goodness homeschooling curriculum and philosophies. It doesn't have to be an age thing it is more a personality thing IMO. Some people will learn about something and internalize all of it as truth that cannot be deviated from. They believe there is a magical combination of foods, steps, etc that will result in something happening. They believe so adamantly they try to impart their wisdom on others to either help them or because they want to have reassurance their choices are right and need others to believe too. I try to avoid these conversations as much as possible but politely.

[MEmama]

A question for the vegetarians/vegans. Do you make meat dishes for your family members and friends if you are hosting them for a meal?

Guests in my home are welcome to keep meat in my fridge and cook it for themselves. It would be appreciated if they ask first instead of assuming we don't mind, and it would be VERY appreciated if they were respectful enough to clean their greasy pans instead of leaving them for me to scrub, but alas, I do not have those sorts of guests. And for the record, no, they do not go out of their way to make vegetarian food for us when we stay with them. Thankfully we know better and prefer to be self sufficient.

 

I have always offered to buy and cook meat for DS if at any time he is interested in trying it.

[regentrude]

I've never had a lacto-ovo vegetarian try to dictate what sort of sugar can be used in a dish the way I've had multiple vegans do. Not honey (which I could understand since it is produced by an animal) but sugar that comes from a plant.

 

Cane sugar is processed using bone char, i.e. a product that uses parts from dead animals. This is not a food a vegan can eat.

Beet sugar does not require bone char, and most organic cane sugars don't either.

Edited May 14, 2017 by regentrude

[mamaraby]

I get it, because I loathe mayonaisse. It really chaps my hide when people think they are going to convert me to eating mayo; green-eggs-and-ham-like. (It doesn't happen often, now that I am middle-aged.) I don't trust certain people to make me a sandwich because they have tried to "sneak" mayo on there, confident that I will suddenly love the sandwich and have no idea it's because there's mayo on it. I will know! i don't like how it tastes; I don't like how it smells; I don't like the feel of it in my mouth; I don't like the sound it makes when scooped from the jar. I'm screwed at picnics and BBQs unless I bring a few things I like to share, because everyone else will bring salads of 49 types, all made with mayonaisse.

People are so weird about food! My MIL sees my kids once a year and my dh's nieces and nephew are super picky eaters, but for whatever reason she fixated on my kids not liking artichokes and made it her mission to be the artichoke pusher.

 

I have vegan mayo, but I would never presume to tell you that you must eat it or trick you into eating it. Is it creamy sauces then too or just mayo? I make a potato salad with a tofu/cashew dressing, but I'm a fan of potato salad with a vinegary dressing (no mayo). And this is totally off topic and nosy. Sorry. We can do picnics together. I will bring salads without mayo. I have a long list of favorites sans mayo.

 

A question for the vegetarians/vegans. Do you make meat dishes for your family members and friends if you are hosting them for a meal?

 

 

Is eating meat a matter of ethics for them?

 

I'd prefer for my house to be meat free, but when I host, I usually pick a flexible meal - like tacos or nachos or chili, etc. I provide a complete vegan meal and someone else usually brings a non-vegan bit as an alternative to whatever my vegan main component is. My mother for some reason feels this is necessary so she's the one who does it. If someone else asks what to bring, I usually suggest the cheese or other non-vegan type toppings.

 

I have never hosted a grill based type event at my house because I'd rather not cook meat on my grill. I have, however, brought my own vegan main to someone else's house and had it cooked on their grill (with dh low key supervising to cut down on cross contamination). I try not to stress out too much about shared oil when eating out. It's an ethical line I try to thoughtfully manage.

 

For guests who have food allergies or other dietary restrictions outside of choosing to eat meat, I do try my hardest to accomodate them as much as humanly possible. I obviously do not have a gluten free home, though, so for celiacs or serious food allergies, while I can try my hardest, I cannot guarantee no cross contamination. I have also done my best to accomodate my mom's many food whims - like when she was paleo or when my dad had a bunch of dietary restrictions that were supposed to help with his cancer treatment. I don't know anybody who is kosher or halal and I don't know if vegan food ever would not be those things, but if I had a guest who was, I would do my best to make sure they could share in our meal.

 

My children eat vegan at home and have flexibility to choose what to eat. If I am buying, however, vegetarian is as far as I'll go for them when we eat out. When I have bought meals for others (like after surgery or birth of a baby), then I have sometimes purchased a non-vegan pizza of their choice to be delivered. I tend to just bring them vegan meals, but if it calls for cheese, I'll use regular cheese instead of vegan which bothers me from an ethical standpoint. Thankfully it doesn't happen often.

 

See, this is what I don't get. It is so incredibly easy to make a few vegan dishes that are tasty. You don't need any "weird" ingredients that are meat substitutes - there is plenty of food that is naturally vegan already, and a lot more that can be made vegan by a simple ingredient switch.

Your family's refusal to make part of their meals vegan friendly seems to hint at deep underlying issues that go way beyond dietary preferences - because that's not how caring people behave. And since it's family who, presumably, have known you for a long time, it's not even the thoughtlessness that casual acquaintances may display.

 

I am sorry they treat you like this, and it makes me angry.

Thanks. :) Tbh, I have no idea where it comes from. I had thought that we were issue free before becoming a vegan, but my mother seems to be really bothered by it which is weird. I do not discuss my reasons for being vegan with my family aside from "I'm vegan." She has tried to convince my children that plants have feelings and a few other opinions of hers as to why eating meat is ok which made the kids uncomfortable, but they handled it really well. If I had been there when she did it, I would have stopped it. I suppose that's why she chose to do it when she did. My mom is great on everything other than me being vegan.

 

I've been vegan long enough and it's been tough enough that I do have one sister who goes out of her way to make sure there is at least one other thing there for me to eat which helps. I'm still schlepping a bunch of food over, tho. I remembered your post from the holidays where you mentioned the side dishes all being vegan thing and that just sounds wonderful. I could bring my main dish and a dish to share and not have to truck a whole meal with me.

[Crimson Wife]

Are you making this thing that they will be eating or just talking about making something and referencing what you made? If it's in response to the first, then it's understandable.

 

I find that some people who are making food that they expect you to eat, are open to actually making it something you can eat and the other people just expect you to eat it regardless and will be morally offended about how rude you are when you don't eat what they've made. There's a third, icky group that treats food as warfare - "can the vegan tell this isn't vegan when I serve it to them and say it is vegan?"

 

In my personal life, me being vegan only ever comes up in two contexts. A meal - "does this have dairy or eggs or other animal products in it?" so that I can figure out what to eat. A specific question asked of me by another person. It doesn't matter how inane the response is or how clearly you make it known that you are just talking about your own person, people will always respond negatively back. Gee, you asked me about me, but whatever. Let's make this all about you and how my personal choices judge you. In no case do I ever say that anyone else should do what I do. You do you and all that.

 

My family won't make anything vegan for gatherings consequently I have to bring the whole d*mn meal with me and therefore am far less interested in having meals with my family than I was before. I'm not asking that the entore thing be vegan, but a side dish or two would be nice and would cut down on the whole production on my end. Of course, even though pretty much no one else will make anythign I can eat, I am still expected to bring food to share. So, they eat my food, but I can't eat theirs. Awesome.

 

I wish meat eaters were less annoying.

 

Making a dish for a general group event. White sugar is a plant product, not an animal one. I don't bake with dairy since one of my kids is on a casein-free diet and it's easy to use an egg substitute. But I'm not going to make a special trip to locate whatever sugar meets your approval.

[Julie Smith]

A question for the vegetarians/vegans. Do you make meat dishes for your family members and friends if you are hosting them for a meal?

 

I do, well a few things. I'm known for not being a cook. But when we have guests who eat meat, I offer to prepare one of these meat dishes: 

 

Burgers and fries

Chicken Caesar salad

Chicken curry and rice (The curry part from a bottle)

[Guest]

People are so weird about food! My MIL sees my kids once a year and my dh's nieces and nephew are super picky eaters, but for whatever reason she fixated on my kids not liking artichokes and made it her mission to be the artichoke pusher.

 

I have vegan mayo, but I would never presume to tell you that you must eat it or trick you into eating it. Is it creamy sauces then too or just mayo? I make a potato salad with a tofu/cashew dressing, but I'm a fan of potato salad with a vinegary dressing (no mayo). And this is totally off topic and nosy. Sorry. We can do picnics together. I will bring salads without mayo. I have a long list of favorites sans mayo.

 

.

I don't eat any creamy things made with mayonaisse. If it were mayo baked into something, like a cake (IOW, it is chemically changed and no longer mayo-like in any way), then that would be fine. I have a couple recipes for cole slaw or potato salad that are vinegarette-based; I use them instead. For salad dressings, same.

[regentrude]

Btw, I did not know about bone char in sugar production before I looked into hosting a vegan guest and did a little bit of research. I also was not aware that most wines are processed using egg. If a person cannot consume anything that has been created by harming animals, they just can't have cane sugar and most wines. 

 

I don't think anybody expects you to know these things. But it is no hardship for me to get some vegan sugar or to make sure the wine I serve a vegan guest is processed in a vegan friendly way. (In fact, we have come to prefer moreno sugar and are rarely using any white sugar anymore ourselves :)

Edited May 14, 2017 by regentrude

[Crimson Wife]

Cane sugar is processed using bone char, i.e. a product that uses parts from dead animals. This is not a food a vegan can eat.

Beet sugar does not require bone char, and most organic cane sugars don't either.

 

The bone char is not consumed. If I wear leather shoes to a vegan's house, does that person feel the need to scrub the floor afterwards to rid it of the "contaminating" microscopic leather particles that might hypothetically be left behind? :001_rolleyes:

 

[regentrude]

The bone char is not consumed. If I wear leather shoes to a vegan's house, does that person feel the need to scrub the floor afterwards to rid it of the "contaminating" microscopic leather particles that might hypothetically be left behind? :001_rolleyes:

 

Eating the sugar would mean consuming a product for which the death of an animal was necessary. Which is against vegan ethics.

As would be wearing leather.

 

YOU can wear leather and eat white sugar. He won't. You walking in your leather shoes does not mean that he benefited from the animal's death.

Edited May 14, 2017 by regentrude