Overwhelmed, exhausted, unsure where to start

[jkl]

Help!  I am in a hole and I need advice on how to begin digging myself out.  I have posted about some of this over the past year and a half--I just feel like I'm dealing with so many issues that I'm not sure which one to start on first.

-  I have been dealing with exhaustion and strange cycles of fatigue for over 18 months.  All blood tests are normal. I don't think I'm depressed.  I have life-long insomnia and have had 11 years of being up with babies/toddlers in the night.  I finally saw a naturopath who said I need more of lots of different vitamins (b5 and b6, etc), I need to detox and cleanse, and my adrenals are fatigued.  He suggests lots of supplements, most of which I can't take because I am still nursing.   (Plus I'm not sure I but into some of what he's suggesting).  My nursling is 32 months, but she nurses all of the time.  I know I need to wean her, but lack the energy!  She is a very demanding toddler and nurses to sleep, so the thought of losing the few moments I have to sit (while she nurses), and probably her nap (because she nurses to sleep--I know, I know!) is not all that appealing!

 

-   I feel like our life is chaos.  I need to establish a cleaning routine and desperately need to declutter.  dh and I need to find a sitter so we can get out!  I feel like we run around all week and then we run around all weekend trying to get things done that we couldn't get to during the week--Quick!  Dash to the library, the store, get the lawn mowed, try and clean a little in the house, get to the soccer game, etc.  We have 4 kids but only one is in any extracurriculars right now, and that is just soccer (twice a week for 1.5 hours) so this shouldn't be so hard.  I have made tons and tons of to-do lists, but the only things that ever get done are the things that HAVE to happen!

 

-School is my priority, so that is going ok.  I'm just tired.  I am exhausted by the end of every day.  My kids enjoy learning and I feel like they are little sponges--always asking questions and wanting more and more from me!!  I'm glad they love to learn but YIKES!  I love to read aloud and the kids (all) love to be read to.  I really just want to read and do school based on what we've read (sort of FIAR-ish) plus math .  But I feel like I can't pull that all together now.... I foolishly spent all summer planning everything for this year instead of resting, and I'm not enjoying what we are doing. 

 

-I feel like 95 percent of my energy is spent giving to my children and the other 5 goes to making sure dh is happy.  There is nothing left for me. I know I have gotten myself into this mess, I just don't know how to get out!

 

If anyone has made it through this post :) and has any ideas of where to start (and maybe an idea of the order in which I should tackle everything), I would be so thankful!!!

[OneStepAtATime]

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

 

Maybe it would help to hire a mother's helper to come in twice a week?  Perhaps a retired person or a responsible teenager that homeschools and has some time available?

 

[Rebecca]

Truly, I think some, possibly a lot, of this is from nursing. Are you drinking enough? I often felt like that during nursing years. I think you need to lower your expectations for right now. It is ok to be in a "survival" season. I would focus less on getting things done and more on restoring yourself: hot bath, hot tea, small walk, movie or a good book.

 

It will not always be this way.

 

I also think, if possible, getting a helper to give you space to breathe, could really help.

 

It is hard but when school and relationships are the priority, the house often isn't. It is okay.

[Rebecca]

If you are exhausted, make time to rest. Rest is the priority.

[NorthwestMom]

I hope DH is helping you.

 

Maybe this is the time to start weaning slowly? I nursed toddlers too.  Yours is old enough that if it is draining you so much, the benefit to her is not outweighing the consequence to you.

[jkl]

So maybe it is the nursing??  I guess I've talked myself out of that possibility because I 've been nursing some baby since 2006 and I've never felt like this before.  Of course, I've also never been 42 before :)

[Carol in Cal.]

Are you still taking prenatal vitamins?  Those are designed for this time as well as for pregnancy.  Nursing requires a lot of energy, and also you need to be nutritionally sound to optimally feed your baby, so don't scrimp on this.  You might find that the iron supplementation in prenatals will improve your energy a great deal.  I took Stuart's, and they were fantastic.

 

If I were in that state, I would personally go to a reading based homeschooling model.  I'd read aloud a TON, and talk about what we read, and teach two skill classes per student (where skills are math, reading, or writing/grammar) ONLY.  Read alouds would include Bible, mythology, history, science, literature, and fun books.  I'd take a nap every single day.  Other than that I would emphasize having good materials around so that the older kids could occupy themselves--those DVDs about planet earth that were popular a few years back, the SOTW CDs, art supplies, science equipment (Discount School Supply has great, nonbreakable science stuff), refrigerator box and supplies to make them into clubhouses, castles, boats, etc., Latin Christiana DVDs, Quartermile Math, math manipulatives (especially the percent/fraction/decimal rods from Lakeshore), playdough, Model Magic, musical instruments, yarn, potholder looms, knitting needles, craft books, etc.  Again, I would take a nap every single day.  And I would take those prenatals, and in about a week I would feel so much better that I would be able to do more of the things I want to.

 

You have to start somewhere.  Start there.  Start with rest and nutrition for yourself.

 

ETA Also, I disagree with weaning.  I think nursing is the secret calming weapon for mothers and toddlers, and it's good for both of you.  You just need some more energetic support, that's all.  Maybe read "Mothering Your Nursing Toddler" for inspiration.  There is nothing more helpful in preventing terrible twos than having the ultimate redirection at your disposal--Hey, want to nurse?  The answer to that is always yes, and always cheerful.

Edited October 29, 2016 by Carol in Cal.

[BlsdMama]

I definitely would focus at the root and not the fruit.  If you fix the root, you'll have energy for the fruit, kwim?

 

The root is probably that so much energy and nutrition is going into your toddler.  I am very pro-nursing and have nursed toddlers but I'd strong encourage you to get her in the habit of filling up with food and just use nursing on rare occasion - like maybe only nursing before bed.  

 

I saw something yesterday that operating on six hours of sleep is essentially like operating drunk.  I have no idea how true that is, but I know that I'm terribly ineffective when I'm suffering chronic sleep deprivation.  You aren't nursing through the night now or you are?  Nutritionally she does *not* need that anymore and I think you definitely need to get the sleep. :(

 

I'm sorry.  This is so hard to hit weaning head on when you are just wiped out. :( Prayers in your direction.

[Xahm]

I agree that nursing can take more out of you than you realize. I never made it as far as you, but I did tandem nurse a baby and a toddler and it was rough as the toddler got bigger and was actually taking more milk because her nursing was so efficient. In my experience, weaning and getting the kid to sleep without nursing wasn't as bad as I dreaded. We compromised dental hygiene for a bit and allowed a sippy cup of milk a few times, but it really only took a couple of nights. My sleep had been so bad before that a couple bad nights wasn't really that much worse. Two weeks later life was great.

Good luck whatever you try.

[Jean in Newcastle]

If adrenals are fatigued, then you need to look at what is draining them.  Lack of sleep can do it.  I agree that rest is the priority here.  What does "she nurses all the time" mean?  At that age, I think that she should be sleeping all night even after nursing to go to sleep.  And that she should be getting most of her nutrition during the day from solids.  You can wean some without weaning totally. 

[Xahm]

Oh, and my thoughts jumped to full on weaning because my middle child, the one weaned most recently, would not night wean unless we went cold-turkey. I just couldn't keep waking up every two to three hours after doing so continuously for three years. If you can keep nursing only during the day, just eat tons and figure out a way to replace nutrients that nursing has simply exhausted.

[jkl]

Are you still taking prenatal vitamins?  Those are designed for this time as well as for pregnancy.  Nursing requires a lot of energy, and also you need to be nutritionally sound to optimally feed your baby, so don't scrimp on this.  You might find that the iron supplementation in prenatals will improve your energy a great deal.  I took Stuart's, and they were fantastic.

 

If I were in that state, I would personally go to a reading based homeschooling model.  I'd read aloud a TON, and talk about what we read, and teach two skill classes per student (where skills are math, reading, or writing/grammar) ONLY.  Read alouds would include Bible, mythology, history, science, literature, and fun books.  I'd take a nap every single day.  Other than that I would emphasize having good materials around so that the older kids could occupy themselves--those DVDs about planet earth that were popular a few years back, the SOTW CDs, art supplies, science equipment (Discount School Supply has great, nonbreakable science stuff), refrigerator box and supplies to make them into clubhouses, castles, boats, etc., Latin Christiana DVDs, Quartermile Math, math manipulatives (especially the percent/fraction/decimal rods from Lakeshore), playdough, Model Magic, musical instruments, yarn, potholder looms, knitting needles, craft books, etc.  Again, I would take a nap every single day.  And I would take those prenatals, and in about a week I would feel so much better that I would be able to do more of the things I want to.

 

You have to start somewhere.  Start there.  Start with rest and nutrition for yourself.

 

ETA Also, I disagree with weaning.  I think nursing is the secret calming weapon for mothers and toddlers, and it's good for both of you.  You just need some more energetic support, that's all.  Maybe read "Mothering Your Nursing Toddler" for inspiration.  There is nothing more helpful in preventing terrible twos than having the ultimate redirection at your disposal--Hey, want to nurse?  The answer to that is always yes, and always cheerful.

 

I love this whole post.  Thank you so much!  I really don't want to wean quite yet if I don't have to. Mine usually self-wean between 3 and 4.   I am not taking a prenatal anymore.  Great idea!!

 

 

[jkl]

I definitely would focus at the root and not the fruit.  If you fix the root, you'll have energy for the fruit, kwim?

 

The root is probably that so much energy and nutrition is going into your toddler.  I am very pro-nursing and have nursed toddlers but I'd strong encourage you to get her in the habit of filling up with food and just use nursing on rare occasion - like maybe only nursing before bed.  

 

I saw something yesterday that operating on six hours of sleep is essentially like operating drunk.  I have no idea how true that is, but I know that I'm terribly ineffective when I'm suffering chronic sleep deprivation.  You aren't nursing through the night now or you are?  Nutritionally she does *not* need that anymore and I think you definitely need to get the sleep. :(

 

I'm sorry.  This is so hard to hit weaning head on when you are just wiped out. :( Prayers in your direction.

 

 

I agree that nursing can take more out of you than you realize. I never made it as far as you, but I did tandem nurse a baby and a toddler and it was rough as the toddler got bigger and was actually taking more milk because her nursing was so efficient. In my experience, weaning and getting the kid to sleep without nursing wasn't as bad as I dreaded. We compromised dental hygiene for a bit and allowed a sippy cup of milk a few times, but it really only took a couple of nights. My sleep had been so bad before that a couple bad nights wasn't really that much worse. Two weeks later life was great.

Good luck whatever you try.

Thanks for the advice!  dd nurses once a night on most nights.  Maybe a compromise of cutting back sessions would help.

[jkl]

If adrenals are fatigued, then you need to look at what is draining them.  Lack of sleep can do it.  I agree that rest is the priority here.  What does "she nurses all the time" mean?  At that age, I think that she should be sleeping all night even after nursing to go to sleep.  And that she should be getting most of her nutrition during the day from solids.  You can wean some without weaning totally. 

 

I think what is draining my adrenals is chronic sleep deprivation and also the fact that  I am not taking the time I need to recharge.  dd nurses about 8 or so times over a  24 hour period.

 

Thanks so much for the kind thoughts and advice everyone!

[Starr]

We survived with at least an hour of everyone having rest time. On your bed and quiet. The non nappers could read or play on their bed quietly.  If nursing is your priority and it fatigues you and fatigue is your problem then it's going to be a while before things change much.  :grouphug:  Yes, I nursed a toddler but only a few times a day so it wasn't so exhausting.

[jkl]

I don't know that nursing is the problem, but that it is adding to the problem.  I wouldn't be quick to give it up either.

 

But, you do have to restore yourself somehow.  My dh has a really busy schedule and can't do a lot for me, but when I feeling like you are, he really takes over for a bit.  What that usually looks like is me staying in bed all weekend.  When he gets home Friday, I just go to bed.  He does all the taking care of kids stuff, and sometimes even brings me food.  Your dd might still come in and nurse throughout the day, but she also might forget a few, because Daddy is very interesting.  That usually happens here.  The youngest ones nurses constantly, but then is with daddy for the day and doesn't even ask for me.  He does cook big meals, and constantly is feeding them something, though.

 

After a weekend or two of just being in bed, eating good food everyday (not just on the weekend), and taking vitamins.  And drinking about a gallon of water a day.  And going to bed early.  I feel pretty awesome again.

 

Basically...you need a vacation.  And, you need to not feel guilty about taking one, even if it is October.  Buy food the kids can make, get a pile of activities and movies they can handle on their own, and veg out.  Two weeks of easy going during the week, and two weekends in bed.  

 

ETA: Sorry, my grammar and spelling and stuff are terrible, but I'm too tired to fix it.  Haha.

 

Wow!  That sounds great!  I'm not sure my dh would be up for it, though.  The next weekend, he'd be the one in bed for sure!!!

 

[Ausmumof3]

Help! I am in a hole and I need advice on how to begin digging myself out. I have posted about some of this over the past year and a half--I just feel like I'm dealing with so many issues that I'm not sure which one to start on first.

- I have been dealing with exhaustion and strange cycles of fatigue for over 18 months. All blood tests are normal. I don't think I'm depressed. I have life-long insomnia and have had 11 years of being up with babies/toddlers in the night. I finally saw a naturopath who said I need more of lots of different vitamins (b5 and b6, etc), I need to detox and cleanse, and my adrenals are fatigued. He suggests lots of supplements, most of which I can't take because I am still nursing. (Plus I'm not sure I but into some of what he's suggesting). My nursling is 32 months, but she nurses all of the time. I know I need to wean her, but lack the energy! She is a very demanding toddler and nurses to sleep, so the thought of losing the few moments I have to sit (while she nurses), and probably her nap (because she nurses to sleep--I know, I know!) is not all that appealing!

 

- I feel like our life is chaos. I need to establish a cleaning routine and desperately need to declutter. dh and I need to find a sitter so we can get out! I feel like we run around all week and then we run around all weekend trying to get things done that we couldn't get to during the week--Quick! Dash to the library, the store, get the lawn mowed, try and clean a little in the house, get to the soccer game, etc. We have 4 kids but only one is in any extracurriculars right now, and that is just soccer (twice a week for 1.5 hours) so this shouldn't be so hard. I have made tons and tons of to-do lists, but the only things that ever get done are the things that HAVE to happen!

 

-School is my priority, so that is going ok. I'm just tired. I am exhausted by the end of every day. My kids enjoy learning and I feel like they are little sponges--always asking questions and wanting more and more from me!! I'm glad they love to learn but YIKES! I love to read aloud and the kids (all) love to be read to. I really just want to read and do school based on what we've read (sort of FIAR-ish) plus math . But I feel like I can't pull that all together now.... I foolishly spent all summer planning everything for this year instead of resting, and I'm not enjoying what we are doing.

 

-I feel like 95 percent of my energy is spent giving to my children and the other 5 goes to making sure dh is happy. There is nothing left for me. I know I have gotten myself into this mess, I just don't know how to get out!

 

If anyone has made it through this post :) and has any ideas of where to start (and maybe an idea of the order in which I should tackle everything), I would be so thankful!!!

What stands out is

 

You have a frequently nursing toddler

It sounds like you are cleaning the house and doing the yard work all yourself? Not sure if that's true or not

The 95pc/5pc/0 ratio needs to change.

You sound like you are aiming for optimum school.

 

Ok I nursed one of mine till three years old and it was a little exhausting. I totally get how nursing time is also your sit down time because that's how it was for me. However it would be OK probably to cut back a bit. Like if your toddler wants to nurse and you want to go for it, but if you are getting that not again feeling it's ok to offer a snack or milk instead. At three my toddler could understand "feeds are tired. They need a rest. You can have them later".

 

If your schooling and Childcare is a full time job then chores need to be divvied up. It can be hard to get hubbies on board with this of course. I'm still working on it... However if you have older kids it's worth putting time into getting them doing some stuff.

 

The ratio might need to change. Pick something that makes you feel nurtured and set aside a time to do it. School can be a little less - just prioritise skills subjects with a little bit of science and history reading so you have time for this.

 

I think all homeschool mums have cycles of this.

Also if you have time try to find the post from read aloud revival called "I am not an aeroplane". It's helpful in accepting limitations and finding rest.

[SKL]

I'm feeling similar to you, but I'm sure my reasons are very different.

 

Just wanted to throw this out there.  You say you have insomnia.  Is it possible that your sleep schedule isn't ideal for you?  I know I'm a night person and would do a lot better if I didn't have to get up at 6:30am!  If you are a homeschooler, perhaps you could consider adjusting your schedule and see if this helps?

[MotherGoose]

Wow! That sounds great! I'm not sure my dh would be up for it, though. The next weekend, he'd be the one in bed for sure!!!

 

Could your 10 year old and 7 year old manage kids for an hour or two while you rest in the afternoon? Maybe after the toddlers nap? Not as an ongoing plan, but for a few days a week? I have 10 and 7 yo and a 12 month old. I don't do that with them, yet, but I would if he was older, probably. Just a thought. Of course there is the diaper changing issue.

[maize]

Getting some help at home was critical for me--I started with hiring a homeschooled teen to come in a couple of afternoons a week to pick up and clean. It was a HUGE psychological boost to me to walk out and see the kitchen and living room clean and I hadn't had to do it--or nag the kids to do it. The weight of everything being my responsibility, a constant weight on my shoulders, all the time--was too much.

Edited October 29, 2016 by maize

[eternalsummer]

I think what is draining my adrenals is chronic sleep deprivation and also the fact that  I am not taking the time I need to recharge.  dd nurses about 8 or so times over a  24 hour period.

 

Thanks so much for the kind thoughts and advice everyone!

 

the bolded just sounds like an insane amount of nursing to me for even a 9-12 month old baby, much less a 2 1/2 year old.  

[maize]

the bolded just sounds like an insane amount of nursing to me for even a 9-12 month old baby, much less a 2 1/2 year old.

 

It's totally normal for my kids

Edited October 30, 2016 by maize

[jkl]

What stands out is

 

You have a frequently nursing toddler

It sounds like you are cleaning the house and doing the yard work all yourself? Not sure if that's true or not

The 95pc/5pc/0 ratio needs to change.

You sound like you are aiming for optimum school.

 

Ok I nursed one of mine till three years old and it was a little exhausting. I totally get how nursing time is also your sit down time because that's how it was for me. However it would be OK probably to cut back a bit. Like if your toddler wants to nurse and you want to go for it, but if you are getting that not again feeling it's ok to offer a snack or milk instead. At three my toddler could understand "feeds are tired. They need a rest. You can have them later".

 

If your schooling and Childcare is a full time job then chores need to be divvied up. It can be hard to get hubbies on board with this of course. I'm still working on it... However if you have older kids it's worth putting time into getting them doing some stuff.

 

The ratio might need to change. Pick something that makes you feel nurtured and set aside a time to do it. School can be a little less - just prioritise skills subjects with a little bit of science and history reading so you have time for this.

 

I think all homeschool mums have cycles of this.

Also if you have time try to find the post from read aloud revival called "I am not an aeroplane". It's helpful in accepting limitations and finding rest.

 

I didn't mean to give the impression at all that I do everything.  dh is great and the kids all have chores.  I just meant it feels like we are all running around all of the time, especially on the weekends.  Both dh and I are introverts.  We like time alone and do not thrive in chaos!     I will re-read that RAR post---I remember relating to it!

 

[jkl]

Getting some help at home was critical for me--I started with hiring a homeschooled teen to come in a couple of afternoons a week to pick up and clean. It was a HUGE psychological boost to me to walk out and see the kitchen and living room clean and I hadn't had to do it--or nag the kids to do it. The weight of everything being my responsibility, a constant weight on my shoulders, all the time--was too much.

 

Yes!  Exactly this (the bolded part).  Even though I don't do everything with my own 2 hands, I feel like everything is my responsibility.  When my older daughter qualified for OT awhile back, I was so glad because this was one thing that needed doing that I didn't have to do/plan for/think about...  What a relief!

 

I love homeschooling!  I just want to feel good again!

 

 

[ktgrok]

So maybe it is the nursing??  I guess I've talked myself out of that possibility because I 've been nursing some baby since 2006 and I've never felt like this before.  Of course, I've also never been 42 before :)

 

I don't find nursing a toddler to be physically exhausting. i'd be more suspicious of a vitamin issue. I'd at least add a B complex or B12 sublingual (has B12 and vitamin D been tested?). Also a good multi with iron. 

 

Are you getting enough sleep? You said you have insomnia, can you work on that? Make that the priority? Tracking my sleep with a fitbit really made a difference in how I prioritized it. Somehow, seeing it in black and white, made a difference. Sleep makes SUCH a difference. 

 

How about diet? Too much sugar? Getting enough protein? Enough fat? Getting enough fluids?

 

Or maybe, you are tired because you have a whole passel of young kids, lol! Can you hire a mother's helper a few times a week? Maybe a babysitter one weekend day, or mother's helper, so you and DH can have some time together?

 

Do you get time away from everyone? I find it hard to have "me" time at home, because even if I asked dH to handle the kids, the kids don't get that, sigh. I have to leave. I try to spend a few hours a week JUST ME. That may be a cheap manicure at Walmart ($12 for a manicure....I think a mani pedi is $30). Or going to the library and reading in a comfy chair, or meeting a friend (although I'm an introvert so that isn't energizing unless it is a very close friend), a walk in a park, coffee shop with a book or whatnot, etc. 

 

Hugs mama. Oh, and my youngest weaned right at 4 yrs old, the others slightly before 4 years. It didn't make a difference to me. I do think setting some limits, if you feel she's nursing 24/7 are fully appropriate, it doesn't have to mean weaning. 

SaveSave

Edited October 30, 2016 by ktgrok

[happypamama]

If you have a 10yo, you can take a nap every day. Even if that means the kids are watching screens. Granted, I'm pregnant right now, so I'm sleeping pretty poorly, but I take a nap, 10-30 minutes, almost every afternoon, and it makes a huge difference.

[Ausmumof3]

I didn't mean to give the impression at all that I do everything. dh is great and the kids all have chores. I just meant it feels like we are all running around all of the time, especially on the weekends. Both dh and I are introverts. We like time alone and do not thrive in chaos! I will re-read that RAR post---I remember relating to it!

 

Yeah I wasn't sure if that was what you were saying, sorry for reading too much between the lines.

[mom2samlibby]

I think I'd go to another doctor and have vitamins level tested again.  If you are that tired, yours are not "fine".   I had mine tested a few years ago and the doctor called and said they were fine.  I had them send results and the lab had flagged 5 items that were out of range!  A lot of times you will fall into range, but it won't be doing you any good if you are extremely low.

 

I'd want the doctor to test ferritn levels (iron), folate levels, and Vitamin B12 and D levels.  All of these affect your energy levels and your sleep.  My chiropractor recommended these for me when I told him I was tired all the time.  https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00424Z870/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o01_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1

 

Those along with Vitamin B12 & D, iron, and folate have made a difference in my energy levels.  

 

 

[ktgrok]

I agree with some vitamins. I can say that taking methylated B vitamins has a HUGE effect on my energy. Like, night and day. Now, if I take too much it makes me wired, so I don't take them every day. A few times a week seems to be a good balance for me. 

[Ellie]

Help!  I am in a hole and I need advice on how to begin digging myself out.  I have posted about some of this over the past year and a half--I just feel like I'm dealing with so many issues that I'm not sure which one to start on first.

-  I have been dealing with exhaustion and strange cycles of fatigue for over 18 months.  All blood tests are normal. I don't think I'm depressed.  I have life-long insomnia and have had 11 years of being up with babies/toddlers in the night.  I finally saw a naturopath who said I need more of lots of different vitamins (b5 and b6, etc), I need to detox and cleanse, and my adrenals are fatigued.  He suggests lots of supplements, most of which I can't take because I am still nursing.   (Plus I'm not sure I but into some of what he's suggesting).  My nursling is 32 months, but she nurses all of the time.  I know I need to wean her, but lack the energy!  She is a very demanding toddler and nurses to sleep, so the thought of losing the few moments I have to sit (while she nurses), and probably her nap (because she nurses to sleep--I know, I know!) is not all that appealing!

 

-   I feel like our life is chaos.  I need to establish a cleaning routine and desperately need to declutter.  dh and I need to find a sitter so we can get out!  I feel like we run around all week and then we run around all weekend trying to get things done that we couldn't get to during the week--Quick!  Dash to the library, the store, get the lawn mowed, try and clean a little in the house, get to the soccer game, etc.  We have 4 kids but only one is in any extracurriculars right now, and that is just soccer (twice a week for 1.5 hours) so this shouldn't be so hard.  I have made tons and tons of to-do lists, but the only things that ever get done are the things that HAVE to happen!

 

-School is my priority, so that is going ok.  I'm just tired.  I am exhausted by the end of every day.  My kids enjoy learning and I feel like they are little sponges--always asking questions and wanting more and more from me!!  I'm glad they love to learn but YIKES!  I love to read aloud and the kids (all) love to be read to.  I really just want to read and do school based on what we've read (sort of FIAR-ish) plus math .  But I feel like I can't pull that all together now.... I foolishly spent all summer planning everything for this year instead of resting, and I'm not enjoying what we are doing. 

 

-I feel like 95 percent of my energy is spent giving to my children and the other 5 goes to making sure dh is happy.  There is nothing left for me. I know I have gotten myself into this mess, I just don't know how to get out!

 

If anyone has made it through this post :) and has any ideas of where to start (and maybe an idea of the order in which I should tackle everything), I would be so thankful!!!

 

 

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

 

 

Bless your heart.

 

some of it because of your lifestyle. :-) But I would challenge your assertion that all your blood tests are "normal." Most doctors do a really bad job of diagnosing thyroid issues, and hypothyroid could one of the reasons for your exhaustion (your adrenal fatigue will also cause exhaustion) and insomnia. For thyroid tests, you need Free T3, Free T4, and Reverse T3. If your doctors are only testing TSH, then you still have no idea of how your thyroid is functioning. For adrenals, you need a 24-hour saliva test, which you would probably have to buy on your own.

[jkl]

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

 

 

Bless your heart.

 

some of it because of your lifestyle. :-) But I would challenge your assertion that all your blood tests are "normal." Most doctors do a really bad job of diagnosing thyroid issues, and hypothyroid could one of the reasons for your exhaustion (your adrenal fatigue will also cause exhaustion) and insomnia. For thyroid tests, you need Free T3, Free T4, and Reverse T3. If your doctors are only testing TSH, then you still have no idea of how your thyroid is functioning. For adrenals, you need a 24-hour saliva test, which you would probably have to buy on your own.

 

Thanks for the ideas!  I am waiting for the results of my adrenal saliva test to come in.  My ferritin is actually on the lower side (in the 30's, so in the normal range, but it looks like optimal levels are over 50).  My free T3 and Free T4 were normal.  My vitamin D is fine and so is my B12.  When I went to the Naturopath, he had me do some odd test where I held a pair of electrodes and it somehow could tell what I needed by a reading that printed out. Still not sure I buy into it, but he said I need to add b vitamins, selenium, and adrenal support.  I can't do the last  till dd is weaned.  

 

 

Thanks so much everyone!  You all have helped me make a plan!  i think I will go back on prenatals first while I cut down on dd's nursing.  I'm going to adjust our school time so my rest is a priority every day.  I'll keep working on my insomnia issues.  I've read Dr. Wilson's book on adrenal fatigue and I'll continue to follow the lifestyle advice.  I'm feeling better about things, at least.  Thanks again!

[kbutton]

I don't have experience with vitamin testing, but if you are deficient in selenium and like brazil nuts, they have insane amounts of selenium. I bought them once when I found them already shelled. I've always liked them, but finding them shelled was unusual at that time. I found I couldn't stop eating them by the handful every day. I think I must have been deficient in selenium. One day (after I'd been eating so many that I was getting a bulk order discount!), they stopped appealing to me. I assume I'd finally gotten enough selenium or something. At any rate, I could feel a difference in energy and mood eating them. 

[IfIOnly]

Nursing is more demanding and draining on your body than pregnancy, I've read. Start with weaning at night. I always felt so much better after night weaning even though my toddler was only getting up once a night to nurse. It was magical to sleep all night. Lol. Also make sure you're eating well nutritionally, taking a really good prenatal and doing what treatment you can for any medical problems you have. So important.

[mom2samlibby]

Thanks for the ideas!  I am waiting for the results of my adrenal saliva test to come in.  My ferritin is actually on the lower side (in the 30's, so in the normal range, but it looks like optimal levels are over 50).  My free T3 and Free T4 were normal.  My vitamin D is fine and so is my B12.  When I went to the Naturopath, he had me do some odd test where I held a pair of electrodes and it somehow could tell what I needed by a reading that printed out. Still not sure I buy into it, but he said I need to add b vitamins, selenium, and adrenal support.  I can't do the last  till dd is weaned.  

 

 

Thanks so much everyone!  You all have helped me make a plan!  i think I will go back on prenatals first while I cut down on dd's nursing.  I'm going to adjust our school time so my rest is a priority every day.  I'll keep working on my insomnia issues.  I've read Dr. Wilson's book on adrenal fatigue and I'll continue to follow the lifestyle advice.  I'm feeling better about things, at least.  Thanks again!

 

The B12 deficiency group that I'm on (with several medical professions on it) says that ferritin should be close to 80 for maximum B12 absorption.  So, yours is very low.  

 

This group and the book, Could It Be B12?  recommend that any level of B12 below 500 should be treated as deficient.  

 

Folate levels should be around 20.  

 

I don't have a number for D.  I should ask them on this group because I've found that adding that has kept me from getting sick so far this fall, so I'm guessing I was low last year.  

[JumpyTheFrog]

After ten years of adrenal trouble and other health problems, I am fully functional again. It took me a long time to slowly piece together things that actually worked to help me get better enough.

[mamakelly]

Nursing a toddler at night always exhausted me. I was fine night nursing newborns and babies, but by the time you get to the toddler stage, you she met had a good night sleep in years (even more when you add in 10 months of pregnancy !) So my suggestion is to night wean. We co-slept in various ways, so it was really up to me to night wean. The first few nights are the hardest. But it really doesn't take them long to figure out that you mean business. My limit was usually bedtime until sunrise, I would just tell them that " nummies went night night" and I'd offer a cup of water. In a few days, everyone was sleeping through the night, and mommy was much happier, LOL.

[JumpyTheFrog]

Okay, sorry for taking so long to come back and post. 

 

Brief Summary:

-2006: Had first child. My problems sleeping began the day he was born.

-2007: Oldest was finally sleeping through the night and I had about two weeks of good sleep. I finally felt good again. Then I got sick three times in a month and haven't been normal since. A friend had me read "The Diet Cure" by Julia Ross within a month of the severe insomnia starting and it recommended I get my adrenals tested. My 24 hour saliva cortisol came back very low. 

-2007-2010 or so: Severe insomnia and other various symptoms

-2009-2011: Descended into the fun of Chronic Fatigue Syndrome

-2011-2014: Gradual improvement for 3-6 months followed by periods of relapse

-2015: More improvement, no longer CFS

-2016: I still have insomnia problems and can't seem to shift my sleep schedule no matter what I do. I am fully functional again, finally, after ten years, and have the energy to do what I want as long as I stick to my diet and lifestyle changes. If I could shift my sleep schedule an hour or two earlier it would make my life easier, but at least I finally have enough reserve that a few nights or even a week of bad sleep doesn't ruin everything.

 

I have tried so many things. If I could find all my old threads about this over the years, I would link to them so you could get more details. I have spent thousands of dollars on supplements and just about everything you've ever heard of that wasn't complete quackery. Here are my top recommendations for run-of-the-mill adrenal trouble. (The journey from CFS back to just my current issues took all sorts of treatments that I will leave out.)

 

Diet

• After a decade of being gluten-free and eight years of being dairy-free, in January I began Whole 30 (eliminating sugar, all grains, all legumes). Within a month I could tell my female hormonal problems were starting to improve. I followed Whole 30 for four months and then added back legumes and sugar. I have stayed grain-free almost completely and it has been soooooo helpful. I don't know whether the grains themselves are a problem or if it is because so many of them are cross-contaminated with gluten.
• In August I went lower carb and lower fat. I had done lower carb before (but never with lower fat and completely grain-free). This has increased the amount of deep sleep I'm getting by about 50% according to my Zeo (which I have been using since February).
• In April 2015 I began drinking Vega One chocolate protein shakes (grain-free and dairy free, food based) and it helped. I still feel best if I drink it 2-3 times per day. If I run out for a few days, I began to feel a little more run down.
• High protein breakfast. Despite all the protein in the shakes, I still need meat 2-3 times per day to get enough protein to sleep well.

Current Sleep Routine

• Take 1-2 hours before bed: 4 Source Naturals NutraSleep, 2 Life Extensions 300 mcg time release melatonin, 1-2 Doctor's Best brand phosphatidyl serine (unsure if this one is necessary right now)
• Celestial Seasonings brand Sleepy Time Extra Tea (not regular Sleepy Time) (adding this has helped a lot)
• Wearing orange safety glasses while watching Netflix to block blue light that interferes with melatonin production
• Use a red light (for the same reason) while getting ready for bed
• Listen to podcasts while taking a bath instead of reading (reading seems to engage my brain too much)
• Progesterone cream during the last 1-2 weeks of my cycle. I am unsure of the minimum I need these days since my dietary changes have lessened my need for it. I used to need it for days 12+ but now I may only need it for days 24+.
• Cold room temperature with wet washcloths on my head, ceiling fan, and a fan blowing across my head.

 

Like I said, I have tried many, many things over the years. This list is what is currently helping me the most. I have left off anything that I wasn't sure was helpful or that probably doesn't apply to most people.

Edited November 3, 2016 by HoppyTheToad

[jkl]

The B12 deficiency group that I'm on (with several medical professions on it) says that ferritin should be close to 80 for maximum B12 absorption.  So, yours is very low.  

 

This group and the book, Could It Be B12?  recommend that any level of B12 below 500 should be treated as deficient.  

 

Folate levels should be around 20.  

 

I don't have a number for D.  I should ask them on this group because I've found that adding that has kept me from getting sick so far this fall, so I'm guessing I was low last year.  

 

Thanks!  The last iron-related labs I had were in January.  When I showed them to my naturopath, he said my ferritin was low but didn't suggest supplementing with iron.  I just checked all of the labs with that Stopthethyroidmadness site, and it look like ALL of my iron panel results were much lower than optimal (ferritin, total iron, etc.)  I would be so happy if this is a big part of the problem, though annoyed because no doctor caught it...   Guess I should have it all re-checked!

[jkl]

Okay, sorry for taking so long to come back and post. 

 

Brief Summary:

-2006: Had first child. My problems sleeping began the day he was born.

-2007: Oldest was finally sleeping through the night and I had about two weeks of good sleep. I finally felt good again. Then I got sick three times in a month and haven't been normal since. A friend had me read "The Diet Cure" by Julia Ross within a month of the severe insomnia starting and it recommended I get my adrenals tested. My 24 hour saliva cortisol came back very low. 

-2007-2010 or so: Severe insomnia and other various symptoms

-2009-2011: Descended into the fun of Chronic Fatigue Syndrome

-2011-2014: Gradual improvement for 3-6 months followed by periods of relapse

-2015: More improvement, no longer CFS

-2016: I still have insomnia problems and can't seem to shift my sleep schedule no matter what I do. I am fully functional again, finally, after ten years, and have the energy to do what I want as long as I stick to my diet and lifestyle changes. If I could shift my sleep schedule an hour or two earlier it would make my life easier, but at least I finally have enough reserve that a few nights or even a week of bad sleep doesn't ruin everything.

 

I have tried so many things. If I could find all my old threads about this over the years, I would link to them so you could get more details. I have spent thousands of dollars on supplements and just about everything you've ever heard of that wasn't complete quackery. Here are my top recommendations for run-of-the-mill adrenal trouble. (The journey from CFS back to just my current issues took all sorts of treatments that I will leave out.)

 

Diet

• After a decade of being gluten-free and eight years of being dairy-free, in January I began Whole 30 (eliminating sugar, all grains, all legumes). Within a month I could tell my female hormonal problems were starting to improve. I followed Whole 30 for four months and then added back legumes and sugar. I have stayed grain-free almost completely and it has been soooooo helpful. I don't know whether the grains themselves are a problem or if it is because so many of them are cross-contaminated with gluten.
• In August I went lower carb and lower fat. I had done lower carb before (but never with lower fat and completely grain-free). This has increased the amount of deep sleep I'm getting by about 50% according to my Zeo (which I have been using since February).
• In April 2015 I began drinking Vega One chocolate protein shakes (grain-free and dairy free, food based) and it helped. I still feel best if I drink it 2-3 times per day. If I run out for a few days, I began to feel a little more run down.
• High protein breakfast. Despite all the protein in the shakes, I still need meat 2-3 times per day to get enough protein to sleep well.

Current Sleep Routine

• Take 1-2 hours before bed: 4 Source Naturals NutraSleep, 2 Life Extensions 300 mcg time release melatonin, 1-2 Doctor's Best brand phosphatidyl serine (unsure if this one is necessary right now)
• Celestial Seasonings brand Sleepy Time Extra Tea (not regular Sleepy Time) (adding this has helped a lot)
• Wearing orange safety glasses while watching Netflix to block blue light that interferes with melatonin production
• Use a red light (for the same reason) while getting ready for bed
• Listen to podcasts while taking a bath instead of reading (reading seems to engage my brain too much)
• Progesterone cream during the last 1-2 weeks of my cycle. I am unsure of the minimum I need these days since my dietary changes have lessened my need for it. I used to need it for days 12+ but now I may only need it for days 24+.
• Cold room temperature with wet washcloths on my head, ceiling fan, and a fan blowing across my head.

 

Like I said, I have tried many, many things over the years. This list is what is currently helping me the most. I have left off anything that I wasn't sure was helpful or that probably doesn't apply to most people.

Thank you so much for sharing this!!  I am so glad you are feeling better.  One thing that stuck out to me was your need for protein.  I feel like I have to have some sort of meat for every meal or I feel worse.  I was wondering if it is related to adrenal fatigue.  I wish my saliva test results would come in!!

 

 

[mom2samlibby]

Thanks!  The last iron-related labs I had were in January.  When I showed them to my naturopath, he said my ferritin was low but didn't suggest supplementing with iron.  I just checked all of the labs with that Stopthethyroidmadness site, and it look like ALL of my iron panel results were much lower than optimal (ferritin, total iron, etc.)  I would be so happy if this is a big part of the problem, though annoyed because no doctor caught it...   Guess I should have it all re-checked!

 

My doctor told me I was fine, even though I had 5 (!!!) items flagged from the lab as out of range.   :cursing:   And you can also still feel crappy if you are on the low end, even if it is in range.  I think most people probably feel better when they are in the middle or high end of the range.  So, I'm not happy with my doctor either.  I find it crazy how little they catch.

 

If your iron and folate levels are low, your body doesn't absorb the B12.  They all work together.