Is correcting your kids in public horrible or is it just .....parenting?

[poppy]

I have to admit I'm amazed here how many people will not speak up to their child. I have friends IRL too who are very critical of public admonishment. I've noticed in homeschool gatherings there are many (not all) will not do any coaching in front of others .

I will calmly remind my kids to behave if they are out of bounds or disruptive.

Like : if we are listening to a speaker and my 8 year old speaks loudly during the talk, I will tell her to shush. If my 6 year old is playing with a group and grabs a huge stick to use as a 'pretend' weapon I tell him to put it down. If either kid is openly rude to an adult (not shy , but says something insulting) I will pull them aside then and there to explain that's not appropriate.

My coop is in the process of making a student handbook because there are parents who give kids (little kids) absolute free reign in public and we've had a hard time getting teachers (volunteers ) to return .

But here in these forums I've seen , over and over, posters who say they only talk to their kids negatively after the fact and in private.

So I'm think maybe y'all are the families causing chaos in my coop? (Just kidding)

Wondering where others fall on this divide.

Edited August 16, 2016 by poppy

[Guest]

No, I speak up right away too.

 

There is a line, obviously. I've been around people just absolutely berating their kids over every little thing, or to a really unnecessary degree.

[JustEm]

I correct my kids but my experience is the complete opposite of yours. The parents I'm generally around over correct children, leaving them no room to actually figure out on there own. They also tend to over correct my children, which forces me to step in and specifically tell my child they were fine doing whatever it was they were doing.

 

I only have one mom aside from my sister's and sil who I hang out with regularly with the kids around because the rest are over critical and too in their kid's business for my liking.

[UCF612]

I speak up immediately although sometimes that means me pulling my kids aside and quietly correcting them. Other times I just call out to them to stop or whatever. Depends on the infraction and my mood.

[BooksandBoys]

I correct/guide my kids immediately, especially about social behavior. I generally feel overbearing and wish I could let a lot more things slide, but that doesn't seem to work here.

 

I also let my kids figure out as much as I they can on their own.

[catz]

If they need immediate correction, yes, I do it. Like having kids at co-op being disruptive would be completely unacceptable to me. Talking during a show is a big NO.

 

I know parents who go in both directions. Including one who pull never corrects her precious angels and only speaks to them in lovely dulcet tones, but has no issues ordering around anyone else's kids.

Edited August 16, 2016 by WoolySocks

[Guest]

I correct my kids but my experience is the complete opposite of yours. The parents I'm generally around over correct children, leaving them no room to actually figure out on there own. They also tend to over correct my children, which forces me to step in and specifically tell my child they were fine doing whatever it was they were doing.

 

I only have one mom aside from my sister's and sil who I hang out with regularly with the kids around because the rest are over critical and too in their kid's business for my liking.

 

BTDT too. It's hard out there. I've found that I really just can't stand to spend large amounts of time around either end of the spectrum.

 

Kids need some guidance. It's kind of the point.

 

But they are PEOPLE with inherent dignity.

 

Some folks havn't figured out that both of those things are true at the same time, and they are just the pits to be around.

 

Not talking about one-off bad days or a phase or whatever. I'm only referring to people who make it a point not to parent their kids (not behind the scenes and not in front of the scenes, either) or make it a point to treat their kids like idiots, all of the time.

[J-rap]

It's funny, but my dd just brought this up last night!  She was telling me how horrified she was the couple of times my dh admonished her in front of her friends!  (She laughs about it now.)  

 

Generally if they were being disruptive or unkind, we'd let them know immediately, though usually did it in a way that didn't allow everyone else in the room to see or hear.  We might pull them into the kitchen for a minute for a talk, or give them that stare.  If it was something that didn't need immediate attention we'd probably wait and discuss later.

[....]

You have got to edit your title!!   :lol:

[bettyandbob]

My father publicly embarrassed me constantly for things that were not even "behavior that needed correction." It was incredibly damaging for our relationship and my self esteem. HOWEVER one can still correct behavior without going to the extreme my father did.

 

I tried very hard to correct my dc in a discreet manner. If my dc were making noise during an event like a speaker or performance, I'd first shush them, but if they could not stop I'd do my best to remove my dc with the least disruption. If their play activity was too rough for the situation I'd call them to me and correct. If problems continued we would leave and try again another day.

 

After the fact in private I may have more discussion and more consequences for my dc depending on the event and whether the behavior is a repeat. My oldest is 2E. He got constant coaching before ab activity or event regarding expectations and knew we'd leave early. Sometimes we would agree ahead on leaving early because I knew he would not be able to maintain himself. We'd have after the fact private conversation because he really needed help learning about behavior.

 

I didn't fully discipline my dc in public. The public doesn't know or understand what works with my dc, they don't need to be a part of it. Additionally, my dc do not need to return to an activity the next week and have a classmate remind him about his failings and punishment the week before. Public embarrassment is not a good discipline tool for most behavior. No one needs to see me screaming across the playground at my dc and hear the great punishment I have in store at home.

 

So, in events and activities I would intervene with my DC's inappropriate behavior. Especially if the behavior interfered with other people's enjoyment. No one should allow a dc to talk or make noise continually during a performance. If I had to remove dc from the event I did, but the bulk of my intervention might be away from public eye.

 

I'm sorry you have to spell out what should be understood common courtesy. Too many people are deaf to their own dc noise and it is a problem.

 

One of the things about group activities or events is we all need to work together to enjoy and benefit from them. Working together does include teaching our own dc how to behave. Intervention at the time behavior occurs can be very important to the learning process for young dc. Ignoring all behavior and telling dc 5 hours later she shouldn't have talked during the play almost guarantees the behavior will happen again during the next play.

[ErinE]

Should I catch my three year old hitting another child, I will say publicly, "Don't do that!" Continued bad behavior means I pull the child out of the group and we leave.

 

If my older two are doing something wrong, I try, as best I can, to correct in private. I think around the age of five or six, I start pulling the child aside first. In my kids, feeling publicly humiliated by correction appeared around seven or eight so I prefer to get in the habit before they start feeling it. For minor things, I will say something later, but I will pull my child away from the group to discuss the behavior, if I think the offense is great enough. 

 

ETA: I think public correction really depends upon the age of the child, degree of infraction, and activity. Doing something dangerous or getting too rough with another, I'll quickly and publicly say something to all my children. DS3 and DD2 get corrected right away as they won't remember their behavior later. For DS13 and DD10, it depends on the situation. During a group event I'm not leading, I expect the teacher, coach, or leader to say something if my kids are misbehaving though we might talk about it later. I've seen too many parents call out corrections, causing more disruption to the activity.

Edited August 16, 2016 by ErinE

[poppy]

You have got to edit your title!!   :lol:

 

Darn you close readers :P

[lanalouwho]

I have no problem correcting my children in public. My children are generally 'pleasers', though, so it usually just takes a word or even a stern look. If more is needed, I remove them from the situation and deal with it in private.

 

Sent from my HTCD200LVW using Tapatalk

[Bluegoat]

I think this really depends on the age, and the issue.  Some things are very straightforward - "Don't get on the garbage can, you will crush it."  Some things need to be addressed right away, but not necessarily in an in depth way, you can talk about they whys later.  Some things aren't such an immediate issue, or will get immediately worse, so it might be better to wait.

 

I often try and address things in a fairly low key way at the time, and we talk about them a little later.  It allows for a better conversation, but mostly it is because I know they often get embarrassed if they feel like other people are seeing/looking at them being corrected.  I think most adults don't like detailed correction in public, it can actually be considered harassing if someone does this to you, so why would we think kids don't mind? 

[Bluegoat]

Oh, I also tend to not correct if there is someone else in charge, I think it is usually disruptive.  In fact better perhaps not to be there at all.

[SKL]

It depends.  It isn't considerate to let your kids run all over everyone else, but it also isn't considerate to subject other people to your family's ongoing discipline narrative.  So when it's something that can wait, it waits.  Most school-aged kids have a long enough attention span / memory that they don't need instant feedback on every good and bad choice.

 

Also, before school-age, effective families develop non-verbal ways of communicating many things.  A certain tap on the arm or a look or cough may mean "you need to stop and re-think that choice right now."  This is for the benefit of all involved.  As I sometimes remind my kids, other people are not here to hear me correcting my kids all day.  If they don't respond to subtle reminders, it may be time to take a (private) coaching break or leave.

 

I assume the younger kids are still learning the cues, but possibly the parents aren't aware enough of other people's subtle discipline to realize they should be doing similar.

[Rachel]

It depends on the situation. I'm not opposed to correcting in public and do when the situation calls for it. Other times I may call out a name to get the behavior to stop, then talk to my kids more later.

 

In a co-op situation it may not be clear who us in charge of correcting behavior. Is each parent responsible? Is the teacher? Is there a volunteer in the room for crowd control? You may need to define these roles if it is an on going problem.

[dirty ethel rackham]

If it was to stop a bad or annoying behavior, I would step in (usually quietly) right then and there. If the behavior is done and over with, I might not have made a huge deal over it in public, but I certainly didn't ignore it. I don't believe that public humiliation just to satisfy others sense of outrage is necessary or productive.

For the most part, I didn't have to do much public correction. My kids were generally well-behaved with others. But with my sensory kid, I found that subtle guidance to be much more effective ... Making a big deal of things would lead to meltdowns, which were way more disruptive.

 

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[HomeAgain]

We use basic sign language to correct in public.  It's swift, silent, and doesn't embarrass the child.  A hand on the shoulder to get attention and then a quick sign...or I wait for him to look at me...but it's easier on him than pulling him aside (and doesn't have me shout across the room).

[SKL]

I agree that the role of the parents in a group situation should be defined.  Most of the group activities my kids are in ask parents to NOT intervene unless requested to by the coach.  In that case, the parents' job is to instruct the kids, before the class, to listen to ___, and, for young ones, observe to see if they are listening to ___.  If needed, talk to them after the class and again before the next class.  If more is needed, consider warning of a post-class consequence for misbehavior, limit the sugar before class, whatever or just wait until the child is ready.

 

It seems there is an age at which kids start to do better without the mom around.  My kids were fine in mom-and-me classes until maybe 2.5, and then they started acting like fools no matter what I told them.  They went to group pre-school about that age and did great.  So I would not recommend a rule that says parents should intervene for everyday discipline in the group.  It might be better to establish age-appropriate group discipline, with consequences (the colored cards or whatever), and let the parents discuss problems with their individual kids later.

[SKL]

And I have a kid who only misbehaves in public when her blood sugar is low.  Picking on her at such a time only makes things worse.  We figure out a way to last until we can leave and get some food in her.  Yes, that will include a brief, quiet "self control" reminder.  I have friends who will pick a fight with her when she goes into this mode, and I'll never understand why they think that is the time to work on character development.

[catz]

I think homeschool co-op situations can be challenging and somewhat different than every other setting.  There is no one person really IN CHARGE.  In our co-op, when kids are in classes there is one paid teacher so in classes that person is in charge. But when kids are at lunch or have a free period (which is possible there), they are on there own.  Most co-ops local to us require parents on site. Which is totally understandable to me if only in terms of liability.  Our co-op is for ages 9/10+ and we do allow drop offs.  But I have to say, I wish parents of 9-11 year olds had to stay.  I think parents would think harder about having their younger kids running with older tweens/teens.  I've phrased it like if you would not let your child stay home alone, then your child should not have a free period and possibly potentially not eat lunch at this co-op.  We have volunteer parents monitoring hallways but they are not uniformly trained and they all have their own thresholds for annoyance. 

 

In co-ops where teachers are volunteer parents, well that's even harder in terms of who's "in charge".  But  have to say, disrespectful, disruptive and/or destructive behavior in these settings drives me bananas.

[OneStepAtATime]

I think there are productive helpful ways to deal with inappropriate behavior in public and very negative, shaming, harmful ways of dealing with unwanted behavior in public. I absolutely help guide my kids in public if their behavior is problematic. I try to teach, though, not shame.

 

But yes, letting a child have free reign with no guidance is unfair and unhelpful to the child and to those around them.

[mom2att]

Our co-op has this statement in its handbook:

 

* Children are expected to be respectful of people and property. This includes obeying adults in authority, speaking respectfully to others, walking quietly in the building, and treating church property with care. Parents are responsible for ensuring that all (name of group) children (not just their own) abide by these standards.

 

We distribute the handbook for everyone to read and ask them to cover any important points with their school-aged children. Then we go over what we think are the high points at our first group assembly for the year. After that, both parents and school-aged kids are asked to sign the following:

 

Policies and Procedures: Parental Agreement

I have read, understand, and will comply with the (name of group) Policies and Procedures.

 

Behavior Guidelines: Child Agreement

1. I will listen to and obey teachers and other adults.

2. I will be respectful of others.
3. I will treat church property with care.
4. I will do my best to be a good example.

 

These standards were put into place after a few frustrating years of having kids wandering around making messes or running around creating chaos while the parents stood around and did nothing. Those of us in administration got REALLY tired of playing homeschool police, so we set standards and expected people to abide by them. Now everybody knows what the standards are and what they need to do to make them work. Individual families may have different standards of behavior and/or correction, but when we are there as a group, the church where we meet expects a certain standard of behavior and it's up to all of us to follow through.

 

 

 

 

[8circles]

I have no problem correcting and guiding my child in public and I do so, more often than I would like but that's life.  I don't believe in "chewing out" my children for any reason, public or private.

[Paige]

I would have no problem correcting my kids as you describe, but I do not discipline or lecture in public. I think it is equivalent to a boss chewing out his subordinates in front of everyone. It's humiliating and tacky. I try to pull them aside quietly for a quick word or deal with it later. 

[QueenCat]

Something that needs to be stopped immediately? Quick correction, with further discussion about "why" later and what to do instead.Something that I saw or heard about but is no longer happening? I would wait until later to discuss it. Only for safety reasons would other people hear me discipline my children, especially as they get older. Which means that just because you did not see a parent talk to or discipline a child, it does not mean it did not happen.

[Dmmetler]

Parenting, unless it's a class situation, in which case I let the instructor handle it (that is, I'm not going to flag my DD down from the parent balcony when I see her not paying attention to the coach in tumbling or whatever).

[Carrie12345]

It completely depends on the circumstances, as well as age.

 

"But here in these forums I've seen , over and over, posters who say they only talk to their kids negatively after the fact and in private."  Correcting is not NEGATIVE.  I mean, I'm sure it could be done negatively, but it isn't innately so.

 

If my 5yo misbehaves at 11am at co-op, he isn't going to remember the event by the time we leave at 3.  *I* probably won't remember it, myself!

 

 That said, I don't remind them of the family motto around other people.  "Don't act like an a-hole" probably wouldn't go over well.  :coolgleamA:

[poppy]

I absolutely agree it's often best to let the speaker / teacher handle it. They are often much more effective than patents anyway since they're used to crowds and don't have a complex emotional background with the kids.

 

But if the facilitator doesn't shut down disruptions --- particularly volunteers who may be inexperienced in this area --- I personally get very irritated if a parent doesn't step in.

 

If the child can't be coached, removing her is a better option than allowing a out of control kid to continue posing a significant distraction. My daughter has moderate special needs and Is socially a few years 'younger' than she looks so I've been there many times personally.

[SKL]

It completely depends on the circumstances, as well as age.

 

"But here in these forums I've seen , over and over, posters who say they only talk to their kids negatively after the fact and in private."  Correcting is not NEGATIVE.  I mean, I'm sure it could be done negatively, but it isn't innately so.

 

If my 5yo misbehaves at 11am at co-op, he isn't going to remember the event by the time we leave at 3.  *I* probably won't remember it, myself!

 

 That said, I don't remind them of the family motto around other people.  "Don't act like an a-hole" probably wouldn't go over well.  :coolgleamA:

 

I agree, and I think the people who say they avoid correcting in public are talking about older kids, not five-year-olds.  My 9yos have become very sensitive to public correction in the past year.  I hope that means they are noticing others' feelings and will naturally become more considerate.  :)

 

PS I also tell my kids not to act like a-holes.  :P  But not in others' earshot.

 

[poppy]

And I have a kid who only misbehaves in public when her blood sugar is low. Picking on her at such a time only makes things worse. We figure out a way to last until we can leave and get some food in her. Yes, that will include a brief, quiet "self control" reminder. I have friends who will pick a fight with her when she goes into this mode, and I'll never understand why they think that is the time to work on character development.

It might be out of hope to not have to leave the venue.

 

I do agree that 'in the moment' is not the time to deal with a meltdown.

[HRAAB]

I would guide and correct my children in public. If you're talking about giving them a lecture or a stern talking to (chewing out), I'd do that privately. I found with my girls that it was less effective to correct misbehavior after the occurrence. I'd go over how to behave before we got to the place, but if they did something that was out of bounds, I would correct them. Usually a look or a tap on the shoulder. Maybe me shaking my head or a whisper. Otherwise I'd pull them to the side. If they hurt someone or damaged something, they would apologize.

[....]

Darn you close readers :p

 

It's all those classics we've been reading!

[redsquirrel]

lol, I'll not only correct my kids in public, I've been known to correct other people's children. 

 

If it's something minor like 'use an inside voice' or keeping quiet etc then I will do it then an there. But, if there has been a major infraction, I will take my kids off to the side. I'm not going to do that in front of people. 

[Mergath]

If dd is doing something especially disruptive or if she was being mean to another kid or something, I'd step in right away, but it's usually just a look and me mouthing the word "nope." Now that she's eight she generally knows when she's doing something she shouldn't be, and that's enough for her to stop.

 

I'm not going to step in for every little thing, though. Like, if I've brought her to the playground and she's talking to some other kids, I'm not going to march over and cut in and be like, "Dd, that girl complimented your shoes and you didn't say think you." :P And if she's in a group with a teacher, I'll let them handle it unless it's a huge group where the teacher couldn't possibly keep an eye on everybody. 

[Loowit]

There are so many factors that it is hard to make a blanket statement of what I would do.  When my kids were younger my older two just needed a look and a quiet whisper for them to stop.  My youngest, however, has special needs.  When he was younger if I embarrassed him in public by correcting him, even in a nice way, like :"feet on the floor please" he would sometimes have an anger outburst or complete meltdown.  What typically wouldn't be embarrassing to others was to him.  I would take him out of the room and talk to him in private, then if he had a meltdown it wasn't in public.  He went through years of therapy and is on medication to help him to control his anger outburts and has gotten much better now.  I know a lot of people who thought (probably still think) I am a horrible permissive parent who lets my youngest "get away" with bad behavior, but they don't know him or his problems.  I never allowed my kids to be disruptive if I could help it, i would leave if necessary, but I didn't always correct behavior in public unless it was a safety issue.

 

I really don't like others who are not in charge of an event correcting my children, not because I think my children are special snowflakes, but because I lived in fear of youngest having an anger outburst when they did.  I know other parents were trying to be helpful, but it really wasn't.  For some reason DS would usually do fine if it was the person in charge, because in his mind they had the authority to tell him to behave, whereas a random parent didn't.  He has a very unique way of looking at the world, but fortunately he is learning more social skills and anger control as he matures.

 

I do feel judgmental at times to when I feel parents are under responding.  Like at DD dance recital and a baby cried through most of the first half and the parents didn't take it out.  Or at church on Sunday when a kid was talking loudly throughout most of the service and the parent didn't do more than just keep shushing him which wasn't working.  IMO being a kid, special needs or not, is not an excuse to bother other people by being disruptive and if they are being disruptive and can't/won't stop then they should be removed because it is the polite thing to do.  I think in some cases a quiet whisper to a parent to please take child out may be more effective than correcting the child.  Sometimes I think some parents of younger children build a certain tolerance to disruptive behavior and need to be reminded that their child is being disruptive to others.

[Marianne in TX]

We use basic sign language to correct in public.  It's swift, silent, and doesn't embarrass the child.  A hand on the shoulder to get attention and then a quick sign...or I wait for him to look at me...but it's easier on him than pulling him aside (and doesn't have me shout across the room).

 

This : )  I don't want to embarrass my kids.

 

ETA:  I have mostly learned to avoid situations that tend to bring the worst out in kids.

Edited August 16, 2016 by Marianne in TX

[StartingOver]

I am old school. Mine know that we never need to leave home. They must behave. If not then the mom look is enough for them to understand that I am not happy. The grandbabies tell the older kids, "Grandma's house, grandma's rules."

 

I do see what you are talking about all the time. And not just with littles. But teens! I don't get it, at all.

[poppy]

I don't really understand 'correcting' but anyway...obviously when kids are little you provide some guidance and support in dealing with life, and because they are little it's often right at the time. And you are right there. 

 

I see a lot of harsh 'correction' in public, and I think it's just as bad as failing to provide guidance. 

 

I almost put the word "chastising," but that triggers some folks.  I don't know the perfect term, I guess.

[Ausmumof3]

It depends. My younger kids I will speak up then and there but with my older son I will only intervene if someone is going to get hurt as he's more sensitive to people watching and I don't want to add shame to what I'm going to say. also lots of things require a bit of discussion which can't really happen in a group setting.

[8circles]

I think there's an assumption that if you don't see it happening (parenting "in the moment") then it isn't happening at all. And that isn't true.

 

I think there's also this idea, sometimes only subconscious, that it is possible to *make* your child behave. That is also not true. There is no magic.

[poppy]

I think dealing with a situation in the moment can be done without chastising. Chastising in public is not the world's best parenting imo.

 

I mean, really, it's not hard to think about how you'd want someone to treat you if you were doing something wrong - quiet, private explanation and consequence, or a loud, public telling off with everyone else gawking at you...

 

OK. Say your 7 year old is swinging on a chandelier and yodeling during the a field trip or coop class....... do you

1. Tell him "Please lower the volume and come down"

2. Very quietly indicated he should come down for a private word, and then do you quietly ask him to be less disruptive?

3. Ignore it, but talk at home later that day about appropriate behavior?

4. Ignore it entirely ---- he will outgrow it

5. Cheer him on

 

I personally fall into category 2 *if* I can get the kid to cooperate by coming down. 

If that doesn't work, #1 is employed with a threat to leave immediately .

 

The question I am addressing here is to parents who have a style 3 or 4.  Completely ignore it, maybe possibly talk about home later about it.  Not for 3 minutes, but 30 minutes..... not at one event, but regularly.

 

For those whose kids would never be too loud or out of bounds in public: that must be nice.

[mommytobees]

When my kids were little, the only "loud" parenting I did was in safety issues. "RED LIGHT" would immediately have the kid stop, look around him/her to see if they were safe, and then look to me. Otherwise, I parented very very quietly. My toddlers and preschoolers would look to my face when I would snap my fingers and stop what they were doing......or they would go back to what they were doing and ignore me (I'm realistic). Then, I'd parent again, usually with a whisper in the ear. 

 

By the time they were middles (8+), they knew what was expected of them. If they misbehaved, I might call them aside or I might just wait to say something when we left. 

 

Now, as teenagers, I rarely parent at all. Last Oct, Ky (then 17, now 18) was in the hospital for several weeks. At one point he was going to say something that would have majorly offended his sister. All I had to say was, "NO!" and point my finger at him. He snickered and shut his mouth. :glare: A second time, he had a practical joke set up to "hit" the next adult through the door....he and the nurses had a quiet war going on....UNFORTUNATELY, the next adult coming through the door was the female neurologist (who was/is a bad-word-that-means-female-dog). In the split second before it would have been "set off", I pointed my finger at him and spat out, "Don't you DARE!". Everyone looked at me, except for the nurse and my son. Both of them snickered quietly and resumed their "aren't I cute and innocent faces". The Neuro's NP's figured out what was going on, but neither the Neuro or my ex-notDearH or his wife had a clue what was happening. 

 

Simply put: just 'cause you can't see it doesn't mean it doesn't happen. I very firmly believe that parenting should be between the offending child and the parent; it shouldn't include an audience. 

 

Kris

[ktgrok]

If it is a one time thing, I may wait and discuss in private. If it is ongoing behavior, I'll speak up and stop them, rather than let them continue to be obnoxious. Stopping them may mean I have to leave, at least briefly. 

 

And with my oldest, who was very very very very difficult, it meant going places with the expectation we may need to leave at any moment. 

 

Also depends on the kid. If my daughter forgets to say please, I'll remind her. If my oldest was not responding, I'd wait and after we are out of earshot explain what he should have said and why. He'd be too embarrassed otherwise to listen to me. 

[mommytobees]

OK. Say your 7 year old is swinging on a chandelier and yodeling during the a field trip or coop class....... do you

1. Tell him "Please lower the volume and come down"

2. Very quietly indicated he should come down for a private word, and then do you quietly ask him to be less disruptive?

3. Ignore it, but talk at home later that day about appropriate behavior?

4. Ignore it entirely ---- he will outgrow it

5. Cheer him on

 

I personally fall into category 2 *if* I can get the kid to cooperate by coming down. 

If that doesn't work, #1 is employed with a threat to leave immediately .

 

The question I am addressing here is to parents who have a style 3 or 4.  Completely ignore it, maybe possibly talk about home later about it.  Not for 3 minutes, but 30 minutes..... not at one event, but regularly.

 

For those whose kids would never be too loud or out of bounds in public: that must be nice.

 

Snicker....I shouldn't laugh, but my chandler-swinging child is now 18...so I can.

 

I'm a #2 parent, followed closely by a #1 parent....but I would still think it is a private matter. However, I think this qualifies under a safety issue. 

 

How about the kid who does't want to leave the _____ exhibit when the rest of the group is moving onto the next room?

 

Kris

[ktgrok]

The parents that allow the behavior to continue, or blow it off as kids being kids, drive me up a wall. I had to leave a homeschool group because it wasn't just a group of unschoolers, it was a group of unparenters. Like, allowing unsafe, rude, disruptive behavior  and then getting mad if another adult, say the director of the museum we were visiting, dared to remind the child to please not touch, or whatever. 

[poppy]

I think there's an assumption that if you don't see it happening (parenting "in the moment") then it isn't happening at all. And that isn't true.

 

I think there's also this idea, sometimes only subconscious, that it is possible to *make* your child behave. That is also not true. There is no magic.

 

That's why I said "in public". I am not assuming parents never address it. I'm talking about disruptive behavior that is ignored and allowed to continue.

 

I want to be real clear here. My kids are 6 and 8. They are not quiet, and I don't expect them to be.One of my kids has a variety of diagnoses that put her really out of the norm socially, and likely always will.  I'm ok with that,  and it is very much on my radar screen that other kids having similar issues. I don't expect little kids to act like anything other than impulsive little kids.  I am much less strict than a lot of parents here , zero question in my mind.   But some stuff I've seen venturing into the homeschooling world has really made me scratch my head.   

[ktgrok]

That's why I said "in public". I am not assuming parents never address it. I'm talking about disruptive behavior that is ignored and allowed to continue.

 

I want to be real clear here. My kids are 6 and 8. They are not quiet, and I don't expect them to be.One of my kids has a variety of diagnoses that put her really out of the norm socially, and likely always will.  I'm ok with that,  and it is very much on my radar screen that other kids having similar issues. I don't expect little kids to act like anything other than impulsive little kids.  I am much less strict than a lot of parents here , zero question in my mind.   But some stuff I've seen venturing into the homeschooling world has really made me scratch my head.   

 

I hear you. That group I left? We were at a nature center, and the children were instructed (well, adults too) to PLEASE not scuff their feet, as it kicks up dirt on everyone, and there are hidden rocks that if you hit one will trip you. Okay, fine. Thanks for the warning. Except as soon as they heard this some of the kids started purposely scuffing their feet. When the man VERY nicely reminded them, "hey, remember, don't scuff your feet so you don't fall and get hurt" one of the moms rolled her eyes and said, out loud, where everyone including that man could hear, "Whatever, it isn't rocket science. If they fall, they'll figure it out."

 

Well, yes, I guess, except 1. he asked them not to and he's in charge of this expedition. 2, it kicks up dust and dirt on everyone else, 3. if you kid falls and is bleeding the whole group has to stop and wait for him to get first aid. 

 

And not 2 minutes later her kid DID fall, and cried bloody murder. He wasn't even bleeding, but you'd have though he'd lost a limb. He was an older kid too, about 9 or so. My 3 year old would have handled it better. So much for mom acting all tough about it!

 

So yeah, would have been nice if she'd been the on to remind him not to scuff, but at least she could have NOT disparaged the adult who did. 

 

I never went back to that group. Everyone in the group thought she was in the right, and that's just not my parenting style. 

[8circles]

That's why I said "in public". I am not assuming parents never address it. I'm talking about disruptive behavior that is ignored and allowed to continue.

 

I want to be real clear here. My kids are 6 and 8. They are not quiet, and I don't expect them to be.One of my kids has a variety of diagnoses that put her really out of the norm socially, and likely always will.  I'm ok with that,  and it is very much on my radar screen that other kids having similar issues. I don't expect little kids to act like anything other than impulsive little kids.  I am much less strict than a lot of parents here , zero question in my mind.   But some stuff I've seen venturing into the homeschooling world has really made me scratch my head.   

 

Sure.  I should have clarified that I'm not responding directly to your OP.  I already answered that in another post and am making a general statement based on the responses here & my experience IRL.  I feel like I'm in another world lately & haven't been posted super-clearly.

 

I think the HS world is chock full of extremes on either end.  I definitely see what I would call unruly children whose parents don't *seem* to care how disruptive they are.  But more often, and I think more harmful at least from my experience, is the other extreme.  I've witnessed a 6 year-old boy being taken behind the pool cabana for a bare-but spanking for saying "shut up" to another kid by a mother who only speaks christianese.  That type of thing is more common than the other and frankly I'd rather have unruly kids to deal with than that any day.