That phone call better have been important (vent) ...

[happi duck]

I've read on here people sharing how their kids can *totally* do something and don't do it for a teacher...

 

I can't help but wonder if these kids have already been dog paddling for mom!

[EmseB]

While my 8yo is swimming I am in a different part of the aquatic center doing a "lesson" with the baby. I can't see my other kids at all. Parents are not even allowed down on the pool deck, but have to stay up in the observation area. I would love for an instructor to come up to me after the lesson and tell me about my kid's progress or accomplishment. But to be annoyed that I'm not watching? I have other kids. I love seeing my kids do stuff, but I just can't possibly "be present" all the time, nor do I think it's healthy to try.

 

And there's no difference between being engrossed in a book or engrossed in a phone. Half the time I'm engrossed in a book on my phone. How would anyone know?

[Tangerine]

And there's no difference between being engrossed in a book or engrossed in a phone. Half the time I'm engrossed in a book on my phone. How would anyone know?

 

This technological sticky wicket must make it so tricksy for other moms to know how to best distribute their judgement amongst the available recipients. 

[barnwife]

Both sides have points BUT if you are going to be there, BE THERE. I have no issue with moms being busy (hello!) But it does matter to be present when you are present. 

Eh...Next year our kids will take swimming lessons. I have no choice but to be there. Why? Because there is no place I can leave the pool, get to, and get back, with the preschooler and baby who won't be in lessons before I have to pick the older two up.

 

Sorry, kids, but I am not paying attention every second. That's what the teacher is for. If my child does something extra wonderful, the teacher should tell me after class. Then I'd say something like "wow, you must have worked hard to do that!"

 

 

 

[Lang Syne Boardie]

 

 

I also don't sit attentively and watch my kids play video games, read books, build with Legos, or hang out with their friends.

 

:confused1: 

 

You don't???? I'm....I don't even know what to say to that. Your poor kids.

 

:crying:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

:smilielol5:

 

 

 

 

[Sk8ermaiden]

Yeah, I am (approx.) 624 hours into DD's gymnastics career and I only occasionally watch practice. And she does amazing, amazing things that should really be beyond the reach of a 7 year old. I don't watch her swim team practices at all, even though I am there. 

 

That said, I get that this was a vent. That you wanted mom to see and acknowledge what the kids were doing and felt bad for them that she did not. I've been there. But the biggest thing I've learned so far in life is that we rarely know enough about what is going on to judge someone else.

 

 

Edited August 12, 2016 by Sk8ermaiden

[Guest]

And, where was Dad? At least Mom showed up!

 

Eta--really, I don't mean to pile on the OP, but I just really want to push back against this idea that we need to be 100% involved with our kids at every minute. I'm allowed to not care about their activities (that I pay for, drive them to, sit through, and cheer on) and still be a good mom.

Edited August 12, 2016 by Moxie

[JustEm]

Normalization and justification of parents not giving a patootie about their kids' acitivities is getting so much support. I feel kinda embarrassed now that I watch and enjoy watching my kids taking lessons whenever possible. Sometimes I even put my book down, to you know, watch my kids. And now, I actually don't over-praise. But to each their own. So what are the chances this being an important phone call that the mother couldn't postpone? 50/50? Does it matter?

 

I'm assuming it WAS a call the mother couldn't postpone. The OP is assuming the same, but lamenting that if it wasn't an important phonecall, it is a shame that the mother wasn't watching. Can't the OP vent in peace?

I like watching my kids in their activities as well. I sit multiple times a week for multiple hours while my kids are in kung fu and I watch a good portion of the time because I thoroughly enjoy it sometimes. But for anyone to judge me for that split second I turn my back or go use the bathroom is absolutely ridiculous.

 

There is no need for an instructor to vent about a single moment during a single class to a bunch of other parents who likely sit during their kids activities for years. It would be one thing if the kids were clearly aching for mom's approval and she gave them the cold shoulder but that isn't what happened. The OP was aching to witness the mom's approval and judged the mom when she didn't see it when she deemed it was the correct time to give it.

[bettyandbob]

And, where was Dad? At least Mom showed up!

 

Eta--really, I don't mean to pile on the OP, but I just really want to push back against this idea that we need to be 100% involved with our kids at every minute. I'm allowed to not care about their activities (that I pay for, drive them to, sit through, and cheer on) and still be a good mom.

 

 

And I followed up with I didn't expect 100% involvement (as others have said, that is often stunting). This person clearly saw what was happening and turned her back.  I don't think people should be heavy cheerleaders for basic incremental steps. This was a not basic progress. She wasn't reading and just missed it. She wasn't doing the look up and look down thing. She wasn't caring for other children. She could have sat outside the pool area in comfortable seating and read and missed it. Whatever. It was the seeing and actively avoiding. And there was nothing else to see-- 8 lane indoor pool with my class and 2 lap swimmers, pretty empty today.  

 

Yes, the phone call could have been important. I won't know. If she didn't want to watch at all she would have been better off outside the pool area. 

[bolt.]

Two possibilities you haven't considered:

 

- She may have a water phobia that makes it difficult to watch her children swim, or difficult to not wear fear on her face, and difficult to not be nearby overseeing.

 

- She may think you are a terrible instructor and doesn't enjoy watching whatever she thinks you are doing badly, so she is actively avoiding paying attention while you do things she doesn't approve of... possibly while contemplating how to get better lessons some other way.

 

Or:

 

- Maybe she thought you were doing fine, and do were they, and no particular attention was required more-so just-then than any other time.

 

Or:

 

- Maybe she isn't their mother.

Edited August 12, 2016 by bolt.

[Haiku]

If she didn't want to watch at all she would have been better off outside the pool area. 

 

You have absolutely no justification for saying this. You are not the seating police. Assuming that the mom is following the rules of the facility, she can sit anywhere she wants to sit and watch or not watch as much as she wants. I'm really surprised by how incessantly judgmental you're being.

[Haiku]

Your poor kids.

 

I know. I have zero interest in my kids.

[JustEm]

Yes, the phone call could have been important. I won't know. If she didn't want to watch at all she would have been better off outside the pool area.

So were you watching her the whole time during the lessons? Because how else would you know she wasn't paying any attention and didn't want to? Your making a harsh judgement on a woman for a moment you deem important. They are her children who she is likely with the majority of the day. She is the one to decide what is important in her family moments not you.

[KungFuPanda]

My guess is she was on the verge of a call that she either made or took thinking she'd be able to hear. The splashing got closer and she had to turn her back and plug her ear in order to hear what the dentist/boss/elderly relative/friend was trying to say. That, coupled with the layman not knowing that little kids swimming in a pool at a swimming lesson is unusual, and I can give the mother of twins a pass on this one.

[Valley Girl]

It's not enough that we get the kids to the lesson, but now we need to pay rapt attention every minute? When my kids were at practices for things, that was the one time I could actually let my mind wander and decompress. Unless someone made a effort to get my attention, chances are I wouldn't even be aware of them. Sorry, but having an hour when I didn't have to be "on" and could actually be alone with my own thoughts helped me recharge so that I could focus on the kids when the practice was over. You don't know why the mom was on the phone. It could have been her husband with something urgent, and turning her back could quite likely be nothing more than an effort to actually hear the caller. Unless you have other reasons to think she's cold and uninvolved, please cut her some slack.

[Haiku]

Or:

 

Maybe the OP is the only person actually involved in this situation who has given the matter a second thought.

[Sk8ermaiden]

Two possibilities you haven't considered:

 

- She may have a water phobia that makes it difficult to watch her children swim, or difficult to not wear fear on her face, and difficult to not be nearby overseeing.

 

- She may think you are a terrible instructor and doesn't enjoy watching whatever she thinks you are doing badly, so she is actively avoiding paying attention while you do things she doesn't approve of... possibly while contemplating how to get better lessons some other way.

 

Or:

 

- Maybe she thought you were doing fine, and do were they, and no particular attention was required more-so just-then than any other time.

 

Or:

 

- Maybe she isn't their mother.

 

Oh, I have sooooo done this. Especially with swimming. When there's a bad instructor or a child dominating all the instructor's time, or they're teaching it wrong (I was a swimmer for 12 years, so I have opinions.) It makes me crazy as I visualize the $X that lesson cost being flushed down the toilet. It's better not to watch. This also applies when she has a substitute coach in any of her other sports. Money. Down. The. Drain. 

[amy g.]

I'm posting on my phone while my kids are at swim practice. LOL.

 

If I had my way, I'd stay home and read a book and live a quiet introverted life. That might not meet my particular kids' needs very well, so I stay busy with their activities.

 

Sometimes I might get an important phone call, but more likely, I'm overstimulated by the noise and the crowds. On my phone, I can tune it out and recharge so I can go home and serve dinner, supervise baths, read books and tuck them in on time.

 

It might not meet anyone's ideals of perfect parenting, but I have to work within my own limitations.

[Haiku]

It might not meet anyone's ideals of perfect parenting

 

Then you'd better work harder. The goal is to please all the people all the time.

[fraidycat]

Then you'd better work harder. The goal is to please all the people all the time.

:lol:

[fraidycat]

You have absolutely no justification for saying this. You are not the seating police. Assuming that the mom is following the rules of the facility, she can sit anywhere she wants to sit and watch or not watch as much as she wants. I'm really surprised by how incessantly judgmental you're being.

I'm no therapist. I don't play one on t.v. , and I didn't stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night, but I have to agree with a PP that this probably really has nothing to do with the kids and mother involved, and has got to be from the OP herself. Looking for some sort of validation, either now, or for her 8 year old self. To dig in on this so vehemently and not.let.go. It's something bigger and deeper than one moment in some strangers' lives.

[madteaparty]

I love how "awful mom" drove kids to a private swim lesson and stayed in the room and still managed to be awful.

OP, I totally get your vent as a teacher. but I swim when my kids are swimming and my back is to them half the time. I think I'm pretty excellent at the mothering :)

Edited August 12, 2016 by madteaparty

[madteaparty]

I know. I have zero interest in my kids.

Right? So boring.

[lmrich]

In my opinion, it sounded like the OP asked the mom to watch the kids swim to the edge which would have taken like 5 seconds. 

Personally, I never stayed for kids' practices etc, I always had to drive another kid to another event or I went to excercise or ran to the store. But at the end of dance class, if the teacher called the parents in to see something - you would watch; you get off the phone, put the book down and watch your kid for those few moments. I certainly would not watch the entire time. 

[fraidycat]

In my opinion, it sounded like the OP asked the mom to watch the kids swim to the edge which would have taken like 5 seconds.

Personally, I never stayed for kids' practices etc, I always had to drive another kid to another event or I went to excercise or ran to the store. But at the end of dance class, if the teacher called the parents in to see something - you would watch; you get off the phone, put the book down and watch your kid for those few moments. I certainly would not watch the entire time.

Nope. She was at the other end of the pool. The mom is supposed to read OP's mind that this was going to be *a very big moment* in her kids' lives.

 

Just because the mother's eyes happened to be pointed in the direction of the pool and her children does not mean she was actually looking At them. If she was "in her head" thinking or worrying about something, maybe even anticipating a phone call, she didn't necessarily see them swimming toward her (or have it register in her mind) before she turned her back.

 

So, it's a different situation than "if the teacher called the parents in to see something." In which case, yeah, if you can't put down your book for 2 minutes, you might be kind of a jerk parent.

Edited August 12, 2016 by fraidycat

[Haiku]

If I were this mom and found out that my kids' swim instructor was maligning me so stridently on the internet, my kids would be outta there so fast people's heads would spin ... and I'd definitely alert the instructor's boss.

 

I feel sorry for this mom who probably has no idea that the instructor thinks she's scum.

 

OP, you might want to consider how people at the pool would view your internet rant.

Edited August 12, 2016 by Haiku

[Amy in NH]

So many of you don't agree with the OP which is certainly your prerogative, but IMO you are really acting like a gang of mean girls on someone's vent.  If you feel judged by the OP's post then go lick your wounds in private - it wasn't about you.

 

That is all.

[fraidycat]

So many of you don't agree with the OP which is certainly your prerogative, but IMO you are really acting like a gang of mean girls on someone's vent. If you feel judged by the OP's post then go lick your wounds in private - it wasn't about you.

 

That is all.

Nope. Sorry. It was about an innocent mother who did nothing wrong. It's never wrong to stick up for someone who is unfairly and unnecessarily being crapped on.

 

The OP's "ladidah, good for you" snarky follow up comment didn't endear her or her position to the crowd any either.

 

That is all.

Edited August 12, 2016 by fraidycat

[Haiku]

IMO you are really acting like a gang of mean girls on someone's vent.

The mean girl was the one who took to the internet to smear and vilify someone else for not acting like the OP wanted her to. That's the junior high aspect yo this situation, not the people standing up to it.

[marbel]

The mean girl was the one who took to the internet to smear and vilify someone else for not acting like the OP wanted her to. That's the junior high aspect yo this situation, not the people standing up to it.

 

I disagree. The OP was expressing, in an anonymous forum, the frustration of a teacher who has been working hard with her students on something and then saw the mom turn her back when the kids were doing the thing that had been so difficult for them.    She was not smearing or vilifying anyone.   People vent here frequently.  I don't know why so many people couldn't see this vent for what it was: 

 

BTW I didn't watch my kids at most of their things.  Sometimes I did.  If I knew they were doing something hard - for example, attempting the highest/toughest route in rock-climbing class, I would try to watch them if I was in the room.  Most of the time I left.   So I'm not in the camp (if anyone is) that says parents have to watch every move their kids make in their various classes and activities.

 

[Haiku]

I don't know why so many people couldn't see this vent for what it was:

 

People did see it for what it was: mom-shaming. It's inappropriate, and people are tired of it. "Venting" doesn't give you a pass.

[Bluegoat]

I disagree. The OP was expressing, in an anonymous forum, the frustration of a teacher who has been working hard with her students on something and then saw the mom turn her back when the kids were doing the thing that had been so difficult for them.    She was not smearing or vilifying anyone.   People vent here frequently.  I don't know why so many people couldn't see this vent for what it was: 

 

BTW I didn't watch my kids at most of their things.  Sometimes I did.  If I knew they were doing something hard - for example, attempting the highest/toughest route in rock-climbing class, I would try to watch them if I was in the room.  Most of the time I left.   So I'm not in the camp (if anyone is) that says parents have to watch every move their kids make in their various classes and activities.

 

People can vent I think about things that aren't really bad, because we all know they can be frustrating.  But usually there is a situational component that is contributing, or some real PITA for the venting person.

 

THis example just seems to be about an assumption about how parents should be involved in kids activities.  I think it's one that gained a lot of traction at some point, but many people also feel almost opressed by it, and even wonder if it is healthy for the kids.  I think there is increasing kick-back about that assumption, and that is why people are reacting so strongly here.

[38carrots]

So many of you don't agree with the OP which is certainly your prerogative, but IMO you are really acting like a gang of mean girls on someone's vent.  If you feel judged by the OP's post then go lick your wounds in private - it wasn't about you.

 

That is all.

 

:thumbup1:  The OP vented about a moment of frustration. We don't know this particular mother of twins, yet we all try to be compassionate towards this unknown woman, which is commendable. Where is any compassion towards the OP, though? Judging much, while lecturing about being non-judgmental? While the OP venting here doesn't hurt that mother, everyone here ganging up on the OP is inconsiderate and hurtful.

 

Soft landing to those stranded on the higher moral grounds. :rolleyes:

[38carrots]

People did see it for what it was: mom-shaming. It's inappropriate, and people are tired of it. "Venting" doesn't give you a pass.

 

And "DianaP Shaming" is appropriate and never gets tired, because? What gives you a pass to gang up on another mom here? Is it just because you diagreed with her it is not "mom shaming" anymore? Well, she disagreed with that mom in the pool, and all she did was to inwardly shake her head and vent on an anymous board.

[Haiku]

And "DianaP Shaming" is appropriate and never gets tired, because? What gives you a pass to gang up on another mom here? Is it just because you diagreed with her it is not "mom shaming" anymore? Well, she disagreed with that mom in the pool, and all she did was to inwardly shake her head and vent on an anymous board.

 

I think the OP is behaving childishly, and I think it could potentially come back to haunt her if her client ever found out that she was gossiping about her on the internet. I pointed these things out. 

[Leav97]

I took phone calls during my sons soccer games this spring.  I know from the looks from other parents that many thought I should have been paying attention.  But here's the thing, the other option was him not playing soccer at all.  My DH and I split schedules for childcare.  But my job involves answering the phone and solving problems whenever things break.  I don't get to pick when things break.  My kids know I'm 100% there when I can be. I think they are better off getting to do things like play soccer even if I can't always pay attention.

[Valley Girl]

I disagree. The OP was expressing, in an anonymous forum, the frustration of a teacher who has been working hard with her students on something and then saw the mom turn her back when the kids were doing the thing that had been so difficult for them.    She was not smearing or vilifying anyone.   People vent here frequently.  I don't know why so many people couldn't see this vent for what it was: 

 

 

 

The OP sounds like a caring teacher. But just because someone labels something as a vent doesn't mean it's to be free from comment or disagreement. Those threads, I think, are supposed to be labeled JAWM. The people can opt to disagree by not participating.

 

In this case, it sounds as though most people (including me) felt the OP made a huge--and quite possibly erroneous--assumption about the students' mother. And they pointed that out. It's trying to get her to see the other side--just as people do on countless other threads on this forum with respect to a wide variety of issues when they have lived that other side.

 

As I said, the OP sounds like a caring teacher. One takeaway from this thread might be that if there is a milestone a parent should witness, perhaps the OP can make extra sure that parent is actually aware of what's happening. As someone else mentioned, just because some appears to be looking in your direction doesn't mean they're actually "seeing" you. I should take my own advice on that.

[happi duck]

I truly appreciate the push back on this thread.

 

Imho, as a culture, we need to try harder to keep our judgements to ourselves and realize that a lot of the time judgements are based on assumptions. Why assume a mom is consciously ignoring her kids when you can assume she was lost in thought, handling an emergency etc.?

 

The "right" to be judgemental seems to have exploded. But even anonymous vents have consequences.

 

For people who are anxious or sensitive *knowing* that people harshly judge others makes life a minefield.

 

Eta: also the support of the internet joining in on the judgement takes it to a whole 'nother level than just a momentary uncharitable thought, kwim?

 

.

Edited August 12, 2016 by happi duck

[SKL]

I've read on here people sharing how their kids can *totally* do something and don't do it for a teacher...

 

I can't help but wonder if these kids have already been dog paddling for mom!

 

I wondered that too.

 

If it was me, I might have been practicing with them the night before because I think taking 4 days to learn how to dog paddle is too long.  So yeah, the teacher is excited but I'm not.  And some of us don't do fake wows.

[SKL]

I'm certain some of you will be horrified to know that after my kids' very first swim lesson at 3yo, I had the nanny take them every time for the next 3 or 4 years.  Imagine all those special moments I missed that I can never get back.  I think I'll go cry now.

[happi duck]

When we go on vacation our family hikes for hours at sunrise and then goes to breakfast.

 

If you glance at our table you will see us all on our phones. "Tsk! Tsk! Bad family! Horrible teens!"

 

If you stared at us instead of the quick "glance and judge" you'd see that we are sharing with each other the photos we took during our hike and the information we googled about the animals we saw.

 

I don't like the thought of judgement spewed out in our direction. I truly think it matters whether we put out good thoughts versus judgemental thoughts.

[ebrindam]

I was thinking about this thread today at the ice skating rink. My DD skates 3-5 times a week with a private coach. We have invested a lot of time and money into her skating. In the beginning, I  was front and center watching all the time, critiquing and criticizing. It was a disaster. I became too involved in her successes and failures. She spent time on the rink trying to communicate with me. Her coach was frustrated. I was frustrated. DD wanted to quit.

 

I go now and sit on a bench off to the side and away from the viewing window. I read (on my phone). It's quiet. DD skates. I look up frequently to make sure all is well. If the coach or DD need me to watch something, they make eye contact with me or motion for me to come down. 

 

I might look like I don't care. I might look to an observer like a disinterested mom. But I KNOW what works for me and what works for my DD. She LOVES skating. I LOVE that she has something that is her very own. It works. 

[SKL]

So many of you don't agree with the OP which is certainly your prerogative, but IMO you are really acting like a gang of mean girls on someone's vent.  If you feel judged by the OP's post then go lick your wounds in private - it wasn't about you.

 

That is all.

 

I admit I took it personally because yesterday was an extremely difficult day for me, and this post was the last thing I needed.

 

That said, why is it on me to respond to the OP's insults in private, not on the OP to have her judgmental hurtful vent in private?  Had the OP judged privately, nobody would have reacted.

[Bluegoat]

I just have to say......

 

 

 

 

 

this is one of the many ways "parenting" becomes a thing.

 

Yes, my thoughts have really dovetailed with that other discussion.

 

It's interesting to me that when I played softball as a kid, parents did not come to practices at all, they just came to games.

 

When my mom played on the same team as a kid, parents didn't even come to the games, or drive their kids to the practices.

 

There has been a kind of internal attitude change.  I know I'm subject to it, somewhat, and to a degree it's harmless.  But really when I start to get caught up in things like this, I think it's often because I am taking my kids personal accomplishments somehow as a reflection on me, as something I really had something to do with.

[SKL]

:thumbup1:  The OP vented about a moment of frustration. We don't know this particular mother of twins, yet we all try to be compassionate towards this unknown woman, which is commendable. Where is any compassion towards the OP, though? Judging much, while lecturing about being non-judgmental? While the OP venting here doesn't hurt that mother, everyone here ganging up on the OP is inconsiderate and hurtful.

 

Soft landing to those stranded on the higher moral grounds. :rolleyes:

 

The fact is that many of us have been that mother, and OP was putting us down too.  OP has no idea how hard I struggle being pulled in multiple directions all the time.  Maybe OP should give that some thought.

 

Also I honestly do not understand why it is such a major life moment when a kid can dog paddle a few yards 4 days into a 2 week class.  If that is a major life moment, imagine all the other moments we aren't giving enough ceremony to.  Like flipping an egg, or remembering to wipe and flush the toilet, or knowing how to do long division without any help.  Apparently we should be spending our whole lives saying "wow."

[Haiku]

That said, why is it on me to respond to the OP's insults in private, not on the OP to have her judgmental hurtful vent in private?  Had the OP judged privately, nobody would have reacted.

 

Yep. This is a discussion board. Expect people to disagree with you sometimes. Not that we should all be baying for the OP's blood (and I don't think that's happened here; I think it's been a pretty mild discussion, overall), but if you assert something on a discussion board, expect people to discuss it.  

 

I've started threads where pretty much everyone disagreed with me. I could either accept that maybe my take on the situation was incorrect, or not. But if you rag on someone in public, expect resistance. Expect pushback when people deem it mom-shaming. That's not a dogpile, it's just people disagreeing.

[Mergath]

Normalization and justification of parents not giving a patootie about their kids' acitivities is getting so much support. I feel kinda embarrassed now that I watch and enjoy watching my kids taking lessons whenever possible. Sometimes I even put my book down, to you know, watch my kids. And now, I actually don't over-praise. But to each their own. So what are the chances this being an important phone call that the mother couldn't postpone? 50/50? Does it matter?

 

I'm assuming it WAS a call the mother couldn't postpone. The OP is assuming the same, but lamenting that if it wasn't an important phonecall, it is a shame that the mother wasn't watching. Can't the OP vent in peace?

 

Not breathlessly watching every single moment does not equal "not giving a patootie about [my] kids' activities." I mean, ffs, I'm a stay-at-home homeschooling mom. I get to be with my dd every blessed second of every frigging day. If spending a few minutes reading my book or chatting on this forum while dd is at an activity or the park means that people assume I'm a cold, heartless parent, well, I think somehow I'll survive. 

 

I can't recall how old your kids are and I can't see your sig at the moment, but the amount of smug coming off this post makes me think they must be very, very young. Everyone's the best parent in the world when their kids are toddlers or preschoolers. 

[madteaparty]

Normalization and justification of parents not giving a patootie about their kids' acitivities is getting so much support. I feel kinda embarrassed now that I watch and enjoy watching my kids taking lessons whenever possible. Sometimes I even put my book down, to you know, watch my kids.

 

Are you for real? And you are the one wishing us soft landings from moral high ground? Or are you being sarcastic in some manner too subtle for me to grasp?

 

Like several parents here, I work, give some considerate thought to what they should be doing, and then pay for the activities so that I can be spoken about behind my back. I'm not going to pretend I get some special life meaning from my kid learning to swim. But because you get to look up from your book, you win. LOL.

Edited August 12, 2016 by madteaparty

[cave canem]

I have to be honest my four year old told me his swim teacher said "the whole point is for the mum to look".

 

Wow!  That's creepy to me.

When I take a child to swim class, the whole point is is for the child to learn to swim.  If not that, at least to enjoy some time in the water.  

If the whole point were for Mom to look, I would save the drive time and tuition and watch my children frolic on the lawn. 

[Lang Syne Boardie]

Not breathlessly watching every single moment does not equal "not giving a patootie about [my] kids' activities." I mean, ffs, I'm a stay-at-home homeschooling mom. I get to be with my dd every blessed second of every frigging day. If spending a few minutes reading my book or chatting on this forum while dd is at an activity or the park means that people assume I'm a cold, heartless parent, well, I think somehow I'll survive. 

 

I can't recall how old your kids are and I can't see your sig at the moment, but the amount of smug coming off this post makes me think they must be very, very young. Everyone's the best parent in the world when their kids are toddlers or preschoolers. 

 

I remember being admonished by somebody at church to spend more time with my children, to be more involved with my children. (Similar deal; I had failed to register high enough on the WOW-o-meter when my child did something that was pretty much par for the course for what he was doing.)

 

I thought the person was insane. I am a homeschooling SAHM. I couldn't be more involved or spend more time unless I figured out a way to actually return the children to the womb.

 

I'm not into performance parenting. I've always associated that phrase with people who discipline their kids (poorly) to please a condemning court of public opinion, but now I see that the inverse is also true: performance parenting is also being "mom enough" to anyone who catches you in any moment, as if we're all celebrities in the tabloids who can't look down at our plate to cut our meat without someone taking a photo and reporting, "She was obviously not speaking to her husband over dinner."

 

Is this how we want to live? No.

 

And that's why the OP is hearing from the peanut gallery here. As happysmileylady said upthread, "this is how 'parenting' became a thing." (In response to a thread started the other day by a poster wondering how childrearing became so trendy and competitive.) If that's not what we want, we'll have to speak up for sanity.

 

No, people don't get to vent inane things and have everybody just agree with them. Of what use would that be?