S/O possibly creepy UPDATE in first post!

[mom2scouts]

DD got back at exactly the time they told me they would return. She said they had a great time! She had a camera full of pictures she was eager to show me. I talked to the couple and they told me all about what they did and it sounds like she did some things with with the teen daughter. Thanks for talking me down from my anxiety!

Edited August 6, 2016 by mom2scouts

[Meriwether]

Most nice people are nice people. Nothing in what you wrote would make me uneasy.

[gardenmom5]

do you have any "odd vibe"?  do you normally have "odd vibes" when things are odd?

sometimes nice neighbors do indeed invite neighbor kids along and it is perfectly innocent.  in the other thread - remember the girl was feeling creeped out. - she had  the "odd vibe".

[heartlikealion]

So a teenager wants to hang out with your 10 yr old? Did I get that right? That's the part that struck me as strange...

[ThisIsTheDay]

In general, I've always been paranoid about this.  However, this is a DAY trip with a family . . .

 

I don't know that you're crazy for allowing your dd to go. That's a perfectly normal thing. I don't think they are "boundary crossing" at all, they are being perfectly friendly. I like that. I don't think you're doing something stupid.

 

I would only remind my daughter to stay very close to the girl and the mom, but I would state in just the usual way that you would so no one gets lost.

 

I hope she has a great time!

 

----------------

 

ETA--just noticed the age difference in the girls. I wouldn't let my dd go, just because there'd be no reason for my kid to tag along on a family trip of a very casual friend when that family's child is at least four years older. BUT I wouldn't be alarmed just generally about the father by what you wrote.

 

 

Edited August 6, 2016 by ThisIsTheDay

[MercyA]

I think they are probably just nice people, but I wouldn't allow a 9-year-old to go on any kind of a trip with people I don't know very well.

[mom2scouts]

No, the teen isn't the one who invited her. The mom invited her and the teen just commented that she heard dd was joining them.

 

I usually have good instincts about people and it seems they are just being friendly to a little girl who's always friendly with them. I read the other thread and started worrying that maybe I should wonder why they are inviting her.

[heartlikealion]

We had the same neighbors for years when I was growing up. We were really close. We were always going to each other's homes. So I guess for me personally my comfort level would somewhat be based on if I knew my kid played with their kid a lot and that they would stay close together during the trip. If they don't normally hang out with each other and there's a huge age gap, I dunno how that will play out. My sister and I went camping at Yosemite with one set of neighbors we were really close with. So no, it's not automatically strange to me to do something with neighbors.

 

Basically the same sentiments as what ThisIsTheDay added to her post.

[EmseB]

The situation you describe sounds like completely normal friendship development to me and nothing like the scenario in the other thread.

Edited August 6, 2016 by JodiSue

[jjeepa]

I didn't read the other thread..but I had a good friend in the neighborhood I grew up in that was 3 years younger than me.  She was mature for her age (or maybe I was immature for my age  :001_smile:) but we had similar interests and spent lots of time together.  Sharing a community creates different kinds of bonds - I don't think it's that big of a deal that your dd is almost 10 and the neighbor girls are a few years older.  But, I am a big proponent for listening to your instinct/gut.  If you feel uncomfortable, don't send her.  

 

ETA: word change...so it made sense :)

Edited August 6, 2016 by jjeepa

[Laurel]

Not creepy. Dh and I "borrow" friends' kids quite often. We invite them to go hiking or fishing with us, or to community events, or whatever. We both like kids in general, and especially like spending time with these particular ones. (We often extend the invitation to mom/parents/whole family, but we are really inviting the kiddos, and the parents seem happy to let us have them for the day. Several are single moms, so I know a chance to be home alone for even a few hours is golden to them.)

 

I remember neighbors growing up whose houses I spent a considerable amount of time at, and not necessarily because of a relationship with their kids. One neighbor had a HUGE library of kids' books that I was free to borrow from at any time. Another kept a nice supply of crayons and paper for me when I came visiting (and she had only an infant at the time). Unless there's a weird vibe, then I don't think an adult forming a relationship with a child is creepy.

[mom2scouts]

OK, now I'm not sure what to do and I don't have much time to decide. The neighbor girl is always kind and friendly to dd, but I don't anticipate it will develop into a friendship because of the age difference. It's more the mom saying, "Hey, you're always friendly to us, we're doing something fun, would you like to join us?" Should I tell dd I've changed my mind and just don't think it's a good idea? She's looking forward to going and will be really disappointed. What excuse should I give to the family without making future interactions awkward? Maybe I could tell them I just don't feel right "dumping my 9 year old on them" all day.  Should I try to invite myself along? If their car can't hold us all, I can offer to drive. Should I let her go and worry all day, despite knowing that it'll probably be fine and she'll have a good time? 

 

Laurel, your post makes me feel a bit better. I know there are lots of perfectly nice people who just enjoy kids and like to invite them into their lives. It's just hard to know people's motivations.

Edited August 6, 2016 by mom2scouts

[Miss Tick]

If you hadn't read the other thread you probably wouldn't have paused. Let her go, you were fine with it, the neighbor invited her of her own free will, your dd is excited. Think of it as a controlled test, you know where they are going, they will be in a public place, you know when they are getting back, most people are good. You don't have to repeat it if anything strikes you as odd after the fact, but more than likely she will have a good time and you will feel relieved.

 

Can she take a phone and text you a picture our two of what they see?

Edited August 6, 2016 by SusanC

[EmseB]

When I was a teen/tween all my friends on the block were younger than I was. I'm honestly really glad their parents didn't think to keep us from hanging out because I was older. :/

 

If your mom-gut is saying this is creepy, though, then I'm not advocating you go against that.

 

Also, a big reason we homeschool is to develop friendships outside of age-level peer groups, so your neighbor being friendly sounds ideal. So maybe take what I'm saying with a grain of salt if that's not something you're comfortable with.

Edited August 6, 2016 by JodiSue

[katilac]

I was very much on the "that's creepy" side of the other thread, but this sounds fine. 

[nd293]

It sound like a very kind invitation to me. At worst the teen will feel her parents lumped her with 'babysitting' and make sure it doesn't happen again :-) At best they will all thoroughly enjoy their day together. I've sent my dd on an outing with neighbours we didn't know very well. I trust my instincts.

 

I'd also say that if they're immigrants and far from family they might really enjoy the opportunity to have a stand-in niece / cousin for a day.

[Eagle]

A family daytime outing, with another child, to somewhere educational is completely different than a single man visiting a child alone in an isolated building. Your situation sounds completely normal. I hope she goes and has a great time!

[Mrs_JWM]

I don't see what the issue is at all. I'd say go ahead. It's completely fine for kids of different ages to be friendly, so I'd let her go.

 

☎ Sent from my rotary phone ☎

[stephanier.1765]

Since you are a homeschool family, your neighbors might have thought that you and your daughter might love the educational aspect of the trip. I would guess that's why they thought to invite her.

[J-rap]

If you trust your instincts and you've known each other for 1.5 years now, I really think I'd be fine with it.  And of course, the mom and daughter will be there.

 

I always made sure my kids knew what to do if they found themselves in an uncomfortable situation (who they could talk to, how to reach me, etc.).  I'd be careful about how you bring it up now (if you haven't yet), because you don't want her feeling anxious about the situation.  

 

 

[Lady Florida.]

Nothing that you wrote sounds creepy or sends up any red flags to me. They sound like perfectly nice people and from what you're saying you never got any odd vibes - it's only because you read a thread here that you started wondering if you should feel odd vibes. I'd let her go if it was my dd.

[Denisemomof4]

I have never met an unfriendly Indian immigrant. They are always so nice and polite. Since you never got a weird vibe, I would think nothing of this situation. It was nice of them to extend an invite. I would just tell your daughter to make sure she stays by her friend at all times and brings her if she needs to go to the bathroom. I do this all the time anyway. Well, I did when my kids were younger.

[JFSinIL]

I'd let my kid go.  Just advise her to stay close and be on her best behavior.  Maybe someday the teen can be used as a babysitter if all goes well.  I sincerely doubt your kind neighbors are up to anything nefarious.  Besides, it would be stupid to try anything on a kid who lives right next door - not like you don't know who they are and where they live. right?  Take it at face value.

[mom2scouts]

Alright, I just let her go with them. The woman came over a little while ago to tell me when they were leaving, tell me which car they were taking (dd is small and she wondered if she needed a booster), and to ask about any food allergies since they were taking some fruit and snacks along. While we were eating lunch, dd said they were always nice to her and I used it as an opportunity to remind her that most people are nice, but sometimes people act nice and then aren't, so she should always tell me when people aren't nice to her. She knows my phone number and I told the woman to call me if they will be getting back later then expected. Now I just have to get through the next several hours without worrying and I hope she'll come home and tell me she had a great time.

[trulycrabby]

I would let my child go; there are several people going on the trip, your daughter seems to know the teen daughter fairly well, and they are going to a public, non-isolated place. The mother has also exchanged phone numbers with you to facilitate communication.

[Katy]

I'm one of the most cautious people in the other thread, but in this case I would send her with absolutely no problem.  Especially since your DD is outgoing rather than shy.  Louder personalities are also somewhat less likely to be victimized, they tend to shout and overshare, rather than keep secrets the way abusers want.

 

If you'd had any uneasy feelings about them, if the friendliness was very one-sided rather than you helping them out several times first, if your DD had a very quiet & reserved personality, or if the mom weren't going to, then I might ask some questions, but I still might let her go.

[Callie]

About the age difference.  Our little neighbor girl is 5 years younger than my youngest.  For many years when my youngest was 10/11+ and neighbor girl was 5/6+ she was at my house daily.  On a Saturday she'd be here 7 or 8 hours playing games with my dd.  We'd take her places with us for years.  There were no other kids around (we live extremely rural).  We are not creepy child molesters she was just lonely to be with other kids and we allowed her to go with us places and be here.  My other 3 dd's were a lot older than her.

[ktgrok]

I think it's fine. Both parents are going, not just one, so no alone time with an adult. Another kid is going. public place. Daytime hours. 

 

Plus, the mom is going out of her way to ask about food allergies, booster seat, etc. Sounds very safety oriented. And the mom is making the arrangements, not the dad. (again...most child molesters are men). So not creepy at all. 

 

Also, it occurs to me that some immigrant families may have different aged friendships, and sometimes prefer their kids grow up a bit slower, so the teen may fit in a bit better with a younger girl than is typical. 

[jelbe5]

I think allowing your dd to go on a day trip was fine. Let us know how she enjoyed it.

[The Girls' Mom]

I hope she has a great time.  

 

As a side note I'm a little saddened when I hear about people being creeped out by teens being friends with younger children.  My girls have been on both sides of that coin and it has proven beneficial to both parties time and again.  It is one of the things I love about homeschooling: kids that don't see age as a barrier to friendship.  

[mom2scouts]

I do think that homeschooling plays a part in dd's personality and makes her friendly with people of all ages. She is confident and friendly and you might find her entertaining the neighbor's young baby while the parents do some yardwork, chatting with a teenager, playing with preschoolers and making sure they don't run into the street, joking with an elderly man at church, helping the woman next door plant flowers, or hanging out with girls her age. I have to stay on my toes all day to keep track of her! I want to maintain her love of being with people while also helping her develop her intuition.

 

She should be home in an hour or so.  Thanks for the encouragement that I'm probably not a crazy and neglectful mother. I'll sit down and ask her to tell me about her day and give you an update.

[heartlikealion]

I am glad it worked out :)

[nd293]

Glad she had a good time!

[Mrs_JWM]

My daughter (11) and our five-year-old neighbor have been playing all day. Now it's 9:36, and they both need to go to bed, but they're still playing while the parents negotiate who is going to put the kids to bed...

 

☎ Sent from my rotary phone ☎

Edited August 7, 2016 by Mrs_JWM