Lies People Told Me

[Soror]

I couldn't think of anything off the top of my head but was nodding my head with a lot of the ones listed.

 

- Pushing is a relief it doesn't hurt. My labors haven't been terribly painful- well bits of some of them but for a large part no- I don't want to have another baby because pushing them out is so excruciating- and it is one huge most painful contraction in the world until they make it all the way out. AND then you not even done b/c the afterbirth pains are worse every time and can be as bad or worse as labor!

 

-ADHD doesn't exist. Parents are lazy. Kids just need to get time outside to play. 

[BarbecueMom]

Thought of another one: "We only spend $X on groceries per week/month." Not including going out to eat, the spouse's work lunches, the weekly meal at the in-laws, the Sunday church donuts, the Wednesday church potluck, the CSA share, the half-cow, the hunting supplies, the gardening supplies, the birthday cakes, Starbucks splurges, and the promotional stuff sent by the company to review on a blog.

 

ETA: And the partridge they shot and ate with the pears from the backyard tree.

Edited July 23, 2016 by BarbecueMom

[Scarlett]

We are starting the mortgage conversations with our boys. We are even encouraging them to live at home once they have a career, and saving for a solid downpayment on a home with a 15 year mortgage.

 

The second one, what is your advice? We are facing some of this with our second son. He doesn't know what he wants yet. We just want him to enjoy what he does and feel that it is something he can look forward to everyday. We don't mind if he wants to be a music minister. We don't want him to major in drama and do only community theater for no income, but we are only stressing that he needs some sort of steady income he can live on, but not that it needs to be lucrative.

Both are boys are dual enrolling in vo tech their junior/senior years. For free. One is following his passion, cooking. The other my ds16 has no clue so we are guiding him toward his strengths and he will do Auto Cad. Coming out of high school with a certification will give the the freedom to go to work if they want or to go further with schooling if they discover something they want to do that is worth paying for college. We stress the whole, 'you gotta have a way to support yourself'.

[DawnM]

Thought of another one: "We only spend $X on groceries per week/month." Not including going out to eat, the spouse's work lunches, the weekly meal at the in-laws, the Sunday church donuts, the Wednesday church potluck, the CSA share, the half-cow, the hunting supplies, the gardening supplies, the birthday cakes, Starbucks splurges, and the promotional stuff sent by the company to review on a blog.

 

I don't even believe people anymore.  They never tell you the entire story.  They tell you just enough to make it sound spectacular.

 

PS:  And I HAVE done couponing and extremely limited our spending in the past.  I got our bill down to $500/mo on a consistent basis for about a year.   I couponed, shopped flyers, made my own everything, etc.....but it was a lot of work and we were able to add some $$ to the food budget, so I quit.

Edited July 23, 2016 by DawnM

[DawnM]

Both are boys are dual enrolling in vo tech their junior/senior years. For free. One is following his passion, cooking. The other my ds16 has no clue so we are guiding him toward his strengths and he will do Auto Cad. Coming out of high school with a certification will give the the freedom to go to work if they want or to go further with schooling if they discover something they want to do that is worth paying for college. We stress the whole, 'you gotta have a way to support yourself'.

 

We do too.  Although I will be honest and say that anytime he brings up music or theater I say, "That is a MINOR, and a hobby."  But part of my reasoning is that he isn't great at either one.  Don't tell him I said that though.

 

His math scores are through the roof, so we are encouraging something in the field of math, but he doesn't know what.  We have talked about various options, but he just shrugs.

[teachermom2834]

"My daughter doesn't text boys"

 

(um...yes she does...my ds puts his phone on my nightstand overnight and she texts him)

 

"If it was my child I would want to know"

 

(not related to the first lie :) )

 

"My child would never lie to me"

 

"Those kids would never ___________ because they are Christians."

[mellifera33]

I thought of another: dyslexia is caused by teaching sight words. 

[brehon]

You're worrying too much; lots of kids that age don't talk.

 

Einstein didn't talk until he was 8.

 

She's just shy.

 

Lots of kids are afraid of bugs.

 

Lots of kids are afraid of germs.

 

Lots of kids are afraid of water.

 

She'll grow out of it.

 

Oh, ugh! Really?!? <sigh>

[BooksandBoys]

You can do it all without outside help if you just manage your time right.

Oh, yes, this!

This one is also similar to the comment above about how people don't tell the whole story when asked how much they spend on groceries.

I know plenty of people who "manage" much better than I (and some who have given me advice on how to manage my time better to be like them.). Family around to help, high energy husbands, neurotypical children, more money for convenience foods, no food allergies, very healthy mama, all of these combine to make for a different life than mine. It doesn't mean they manage better than me, just that they have different things to manage.

[SKL]

Don't work harder, work smarter.  :/

 

If you are consistent they will learn.  (Not if I die of old age first!)

[MyLittleBears]

God is mad at you.

[waa510]

There's no such thing as a bad curriculum. 

 

If you just do *insert religious practice* your life will be blissfully perfect.

 

Living in a larger house farther away from work will make you happier. It's all about the bigger house/car/yard.

 

You can't homeschool.

 

A psych degree is worthless.

 

All Japanese people hate foreigners.

 

Be wary of people of color. 

 

People of color don't matter.

 

You don't want to live in a diverse area.

 

You'll get used to the racism here. 

 

Home-birthing is too dangerous a practice to do safely. 

 

Pitocin will not cause too much pain.

 

Natural childbirth is crazy. 

 

You can have the epidural during labor whenever you want it.

 

This episiotomy is totally medically necessary.

 

You need to be induced.

 

 

 

[TranquilMind]

Raising a child in your 50s will keep you young. No. It makes me realize how old I am.

 

THIS!  My hair has turned white.  But not the pretty white, of course.  The yellowed white/brown/mousy/indeterminate color.  ;)

 

[DawnM]

 

Ma'am, you have a seat over there while I give your husband a great deal on this car (uhh, no buddy!)

 

 

What?  Who would tell you this?  How odd.

[Tita Gidge]

Oh, yes, this!

This one is also similar to the comment above about how people don't tell the whole story when asked how much they spend on groceries.

I know plenty of people who "manage" much better than I (and some who have given me advice on how to manage my time better to be like them.). Family around to help, high energy husbands, neurotypical children, more money for convenience foods, no food allergies, very healthy mama, all of these combine to make for a different life than mine. It doesn't mean they manage better than me, just that they have different things to manage.

 

:iagree:

 

I was approached by a mom at co-op last year who was just completely overwhelmed. And she said that she didn't know how I did it and made it look so easy. She was very down on herself, and worse - I think her husband was also. But our situations are as different as night and day, there's no basis for any kind of comparison.

 

We both have large families, but hers is 5 kids under the age of 10. My youngest is 11 and the rest are teens-adults! Big difference!

 

We both come from large families, too, but hers is half a country away. Mine is within spitting distance of my house. Huge difference!

 

She has a husband who comes home every night. My ex-husband doesn't. It's easier to not have his needs to plan/account for!

 

She is a full-time SAHM mom. I'm retired but spent decades earning and saving. Plus I'm 15 years older. Giant difference!

 

 

You hit the nail on the head: It doesn't mean they manage better than me, just that they have different things to manage.

 

I manage because I have self-sufficient kids and an active, nearby extended family. I do what I want, without needing to factor in the desires and needs of a spouse. I never had to budget to stay home with the kids, or to figure out how to stretch a single income, because I worked and again - had the support of extended family. If I were trying to juggle everything she is, I'd feel overwhelmed also!

 

It's a very different life, even though it may appear similar from the outside. I think people on both sides forget that. It's easy to think we're failing at something if we're not living up to what we see as someone else's standard. It's also to think we're doing everything right when we fail to consider all of the factors that make each person's situation individual.

[JumpyTheFrog]

Having your first baby broke your body, so maybe having a second will heal it.

[Tita Gidge]

Don't work harder, work smarter.  :/

 

:blush: I tell my kids a version of this.

 

"Don't waste your life working for money. You're smart; find a way to let your money (or someone else's!) work for YOU!"

[DawnM]

:blush: I tell my kids a version of this.

 

"Don't waste your life working for money. You're smart; find a way to let your money (or someone else's!) work for YOU!"

 

And what are you thinking when you say this?   What kind of job or career would you use as an example.

[heartlikealion]

"Don't work harder, work smarter" doesn't bother me in the right context. Like, finding a clever way to accomplish a task more efficiently. Perhaps finishing the job earlier or saving yourself some physical labor. We were lugging buckets into a kitchen at a church event to fill up with water for an outdoor game. I thought this is stupid and difficult and probably not as sanitary as just filling these up outdoors. Then I had some youth helpers help me locate a spicket on the side of a building near us. As I'm typing this I'm realizing some people say spigot and some say spicket. Heh.

[Tita Gidge]

And what are you thinking when you say this?   What kind of job or career would you use as an example.

 

The beauty of this (IMO) is that it doesn't have to be a specific field or industry, though those certainly exist. 

 

It's more about financial and lifestyle choices than it is career choices (though, again, some careers make an easier go of it), with a touch each of forward planning and fortunate timing. I think some people are naturally pre-disposed to live this way, but others of us require some instruction and discipline to make it work. All of my teenagers work. I encourage them to avoid typical teen jobs (retailers, restaurants), instead finding work that will net them more money in less time and with greater flexibility. So far, all have managed to find niches where that's possible. I still have two to go (11 and infant) so we'll see how the odds hold up LOL.

 

To give one example of a son who lets someone else's money work for him - he's a soccer player. He's on full scholarship so it costs him no money to play, but he's required to maintain a level of talent; this means daily personal training. One way he accomplishes that is to offer private training to younger players. He receives his training for free and transmits that training knowledge onto others for fee, while simultaneously completing a large portion of his own daily training. My friend is a boxer and does the same thing. His daily training is essentially paid for (and guaranteed to happen, no taking the day off!) by the students taking his class.

 

IMO they're both working smart because they've found a way to generate income doing something they'd be doing anyway for their own personal benefit. Small scale, but shared to show that it can happen on any level and with a variety of jobs or careers.

[blondeviolin]

Your pulse ox is fine so you must not be breathing too poorly. (Said fifteen minutes before they shoved a breathing tube down my throat.)

 

He's just a late bloomer. (Um, nope.)

 

Early intervention will help him a lot. (Um, nope. They just made him scream from anxiety.)

 

See a developmental pediatrician and they can help you sort things out. (Um, nope. Despite tests and visits, we still have no reason why...)

 

Waterbirths are amazing. Being in the water was so helpful! (Mine was good. But the water wasn't overly helpful. I think birth just hurts.)

 

Take care of your teeth when you're young and they will last you well into adulthood.

[kubiac]

The second one, what is your advice?  We are facing some of this with our second son.  He doesn't know what he wants yet.  We just want him to enjoy what he does and feel that it is something he can look forward to everyday.  We don't mind if he wants to be a music minister.  We don't want him to major in drama and do only community theater for no income, but we are only stressing that he needs some sort of steady income he can live on, but not that it needs to be lucrative.  

 

1. Make him read The Millionaire Next Door (Stanley & Danko) and The Total Money Makeover, and start walking Dave Ramsey's 7 baby steps. He needs a $500 mini-mini-emergency fund to start.

2. Read Kiyosaki's Rich Kid, Smart Kid book together. He talks about how you need a three-pronged approach to life: What is your academic action plan? What is your professional action plan? What is your financial action plan? Professional and financial ARE NOT THE SAME THINGS.

 

Being very alert to your financial position and the cost of things will go a long way to motivating different career choices.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Some lies:

 

Drinking alcohol is dangerous and the path to ruin. (No it's not, it's a great way to remove inhibitions and be socially functional, thus building soul-sustaining human relationships.)

 

Sex is dangerous and the path to ruin. (Eyeroll. Just wear a condom and don't sex people you don't already know and love.)

 

Walking, biking, driving, public transport, eating, climbing, being in the sun, etc. are all dangerous and should be avoided in favor of studying and office jobs and home improvement projects.

 

Part-time low-level jobs build character and teach young people how to manage money!

Edited July 23, 2016 by kubiac

[fairfarmhand]

The beauty of this (IMO) is that it doesn't have to be a specific field or industry, though those certainly exist. 

 

It's more about financial and lifestyle choices than it is career choices (though, again, some careers make an easier go of it), with a touch each of forward planning and fortunate timing. I think some people are naturally pre-disposed to live this way, but others of us require some instruction and discipline to make it work. All of my teenagers work. I encourage them to avoid typical teen jobs (retailers, restaurants), instead finding work that will net them more money in less time and with greater flexibility. So far, all have managed to find niches where that's possible. I still have two to go (11 and infant) so we'll see how the odds hold up LOL.

 

To give one example of a son who lets someone else's money work for him - he's a soccer player. He's on full scholarship so it costs him no money to play, but he's required to maintain a level of talent; this means daily personal training. One way he accomplishes that is to offer private training to younger players. He receives his training for free and transmits that training knowledge onto others for fee, while simultaneously completing a large portion of his own daily training. My friend is a boxer and does the same thing. His daily training is essentially paid for (and guaranteed to happen, no taking the day off!) by the students taking his class.

 

IMO they're both working smart because they've found a way to generate income doing something they'd be doing anyway for their own personal benefit. Small scale, but shared to show that it can happen on any level and with a variety of jobs or careers.

 

Yeah, we're doing similar. One thing I've been pleasantly surprised about is my oldest's teaching piano lessons for spare cash. Oldest never intended to make music her livelihood, but this is a nice little side perk of knowing how to play piano.

 

She has another job (her main one) where she helps a friend in her real estate business. She's teaching her younger sister the work so when she goes to college, they can both split the work and not leave the agent short handed.

 

I'm starting lessons for some of my other kids for the very reason of giving them a good way to make extra cash. It's stuff that pays way better than the typical teen job and it's MUCH more flexible.

 

 

[ScoutTN]

Raising a child in your 50s will keep you young. No. It makes me realize how old I am.

 

 

:iagree:  :iagree:

[luuknam]

Unschooling works, just like babies learn to walk and talk without being taught explicitly.

 

That one was pretty obviously wrong when my oldest didn't learn to talk without being taught explicitly. So yeah, he's special needs, but I've seen people claim that it doesn't matter what special needs your kid has, that unschooling works, or even worse, that anything other than unschooling is child abuse.

[mellifera33]

nm

Edited July 23, 2016 by mellifera33

[luuknam]

"You're not in labor" - said to me when I walked into the hospital after having been in labor for 16 hours, and had been 8-9cm dilated for 12 hours according to my midwife (was trying for a homebirth but went to hospital due to failure to progress). So, after my midwife told them that I was, indeed, in labor, the doctor at the hospital checked me, and yep, I was indeed at just over 9cm dilated.

[creekland]

You HAVE to see Las Vegas!

 

-  No, no, I could have lived my life just fine skipping that city.

 

Cruises are the best vacations!

 

-  I'm sure they are to some, but there are those of us who don't find casinos, buffets, or lounging out by a pool to be all that stimulating, plus we like more time and less crowds at attractions.

 

If something is wrong, go to a doctor.

 

-  That only works if it's something common - otherwise (perhaps only if female) - you're stressed/crazy/etc and need meds to suppress symptoms rather than actually trying to find a cause for symptoms.

 

The teen years are terrible!

 

-  I loved the teen and pre-teen years with my kids.  I didn't like my own though, so I guess that's just half a lie.

 

Divorce doesn't hurt kids!

 

-   :mad: , but I will say sometimes it's better than the alternative - just don't believe the lie.

 

[Guest]

Thought of another one: "We only spend $X on groceries per week/month." Not including going out to eat, the spouse's work lunches, the weekly meal at the in-laws, the Sunday church donuts, the Wednesday church potluck, the CSA share, the half-cow, the hunting supplies, the gardening supplies, the birthday cakes, Starbucks splurges, and the promotional stuff sent by the company to review on a blog.

 

ETA: And the partridge they shot and ate with the pears from the backyard tree.

Lol! Yes, my SIL used to say this ALL the time. "We only spend $50/week on groceries." But, for starters, they were constantly at ball fields because the kids played seventy-billion sports, and they would eat "dinner" from the concessions almost every night. Or go get pizza. Or go to Smokin' Hot. Oh, and every Friday night was deemed "family night" and they would go out to eat somewhere else. And the kids bought hot lunch at school. And BIL ate lunch out every day, plus got coffee/donuts out every morning. Plus the kids all did 4-H animals, so they never bought meat from the grocery. And so on and so on and on....

 

I guess the $50 was for milk and toilet paper.

[Tita Gidge]

Lol! Yes, my SIL used to say this ALL the time. "We only spend $50/week on groceries." But, for starters, they were constantly at ball fields because the kids played seventy-billion sports, and they would eat "dinner" from the concessions almost every night. Or go get pizza. Or go to Smokin' Hot. Oh, and every Friday night was deemed "family night" and they would go out to eat somewhere else. And the kids bought hot lunch at school. And BIL ate lunch out every day, plus got coffee/donuts out every morning. Plus the kids all did 4-H animals, so they never bought meat from the grocery. And so on and so on and on....

 

I guess the $50 was for milk and toilet paper.

 

:lol:

 

My son was working on a scout badge, can't remember which, but he had to track our family spending for a month. Our groceries that month were something like $100, and literally that was buying toilet paper, cat food, and bottled water. That month just happened to coincide with us selling our home, so we were exclusively eating out and mooching off of relatives' meals. He was 12 then and is 17 now. Last year in Econ they did a budgeting project and he shared with the class that our grocery bill was "about $100/month."

 

We have 9 people living in this house now, 12 when he worked on that badge LOL. The teacher emailed me to see if I'd come talk to the class and share my amazing budgeting skills. This kid will forever think we spend $25/week on groceries. This is the same kid who can spend close to that much feeding HIMSELF ALONE at a fast food place. I tell him it's a good thing he's cute, and he should marry young.

[DawnM]

1. Make him read The Millionaire Next Door (Stanley & Danko) and The Total Money Makeover, and start walking Dave Ramsey's 7 baby steps. He needs a $500 mini-mini-emergency fund to start.

2. Read Kiyosaki's Rich Kid, Smart Kid book together. He talks about how you need a three-pronged approach to life: What is your academic action plan? What is your professional action plan? What is your financial action plan? Professional and financial ARE NOT THE SAME THINGS.

 

Being very alert to your financial position and the cost of things will go a long way to motivating different career choices.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Some lies:

 

Drinking alcohol is dangerous and the path to ruin. (No it's not, it's a great way to remove inhibitions and be socially functional, thus building soul-sustaining human relationships.)

 

Sex is dangerous and the path to ruin. (Eyeroll. Just wear a condom and don't sex people you don't already know and love.)

 

Walking, biking, driving, public transport, eating, climbing, being in the sun, etc. are all dangerous and should be avoided in favor of studying and office jobs and home improvement projects.

 

Part-time low-level jobs build character and teach young people how to manage money!

 

 

Oh, he has taken 2 financial planning classes, one being Crown Financial.   Money really isn't the issue.  He just has no idea what career he wants or how much each would yield.   And the truth is, we don't know.  We can look up "averages" but engineers can make a wide range of incomes.

 

He isn't a spender either, so we aren't worried about that.  

 

We just want him to find a career he will enjoy and he can live on.   

[TranquilMind]

Try it in your 60's!

 

No!  lol

[DawnM]

The beauty of this (IMO) is that it doesn't have to be a specific field or industry, though those certainly exist. 

 

It's more about financial and lifestyle choices than it is career choices (though, again, some careers make an easier go of it), with a touch each of forward planning and fortunate timing. I think some people are naturally pre-disposed to live this way, but others of us require some instruction and discipline to make it work. All of my teenagers work. I encourage them to avoid typical teen jobs (retailers, restaurants), instead finding work that will net them more money in less time and with greater flexibility. So far, all have managed to find niches where that's possible. I still have two to go (11 and infant) so we'll see how the odds hold up LOL.

 

To give one example of a son who lets someone else's money work for him - he's a soccer player. He's on full scholarship so it costs him no money to play, but he's required to maintain a level of talent; this means daily personal training. One way he accomplishes that is to offer private training to younger players. He receives his training for free and transmits that training knowledge onto others for fee, while simultaneously completing a large portion of his own daily training. My friend is a boxer and does the same thing. His daily training is essentially paid for (and guaranteed to happen, no taking the day off!) by the students taking his class.

 

IMO they're both working smart because they've found a way to generate income doing something they'd be doing anyway for their own personal benefit. Small scale, but shared to show that it can happen on any level and with a variety of jobs or careers.

 

 

I guess DH and I prefer working dumb so we can get retirement benefits, a stead income we can always count on, and health benefits.

[lllll]

nm

Edited October 5, 2016 by Cathi

[Sk8ermaiden]

Anything about potty training.

 

I just have to say, with my second I have just had what I am told is the "typical" potty training experience. And it feels like a miracle!!! I am still astounded at how well that all went. And anyone, anyone who had the "typical" experience potty training their kid should NOT be giving advice on potty training to a mom who is really struggling with it. You just XYZ and they will train in 3 days/a week!!! No.

 

 

[luuknam]

Anything about potty training.

 

I just have to say, with my second I have just had what I am told is the "typical" potty training experience. And it feels like a miracle!!! I am still astounded at how well that all went. And anyone, anyone who had the "typical" experience potty training their kid should NOT be giving advice on potty training to a mom who is really struggling with it. You just XYZ and they will train in 3 days/a week!!! No.

 

Oh gosh, that reminds me of my eldest's 2nd year in mixed special ed/regular ed preK. They'd been working with him on potty training, and there just hadn't really been any progress (it didn't help that his first year of preK was full day, but thanks to the closing of that program his second year was half days only). So, the special ed teacher told us something (I don't remember the exact details) and that every kid she knew that had tried it was trained in (iirc) 8 days of doing it that way. She basically told us she could guarantee our son would be trained in that amount of time, or possibly faster. Nope. He ended up taking 3 days longer than their max. But hey, at least it did work (in the end). It's always nice to know we've got a little record breaker, isn't it?

[MrsBasil]

Your mom is always going to be your first and best friend.

 

Babies always sleep, if she's not sleeping then you're doing something wrong.

 

If you would just co-sleep, she'll sleep.

 

Breastfeeding is easy and so worth it.

 

Children won't starve themselves.  If you wait long enough, they'll eat anything you offer.

 

He's too young to have Alzheimer's.

 

She's going to be so grateful for all you're doing for them.

 

 

[Tita Gidge]

I guess DH and I prefer working dumb so we can get retirement benefits, a stead income we can always count on, and health benefits.

 

What's dumb is to think the two are mutually exclusive.  :blink:

 

I retired at age 36 (with health benefits). My retirement income is fixed at 85% of what I had been earning while working F/T, and that's before factoring in investment returns earned post-retirement. Those are doing well right now, so I'm currently earning more as a retiree than I did as a F/T professional. If and when those take a downturn, my income will hold steady at 85% of my former salary.

 

I paid cash for my house, so with no mortgage we're able to live on 65% of my retirement income - which has thus far offered a solid buffer during recessions (including the ability to take that unused 35% and invest while the market is favorable). I'm down to six kids living at home. As they get older and leave, my expenses go down and I can reduce my livable income and invest even more.

 

My ex-husband hits mandatory retirement age in his 50s and will begin to draw his retirement, of which I'll be receiving half. He's a double dipper. We're not even counting on social security or our pensions, but if they're around we'll be eligible. And this is all outside of our non-work-related investments. Since those are more risky, we don't factor them into our baseline. As I get older my income will remain steady at minimum, and will increase at best.

 

A former client recently contacted me about a temporary project. It's 18 months long, and in the middle of that one of my certifications will expire. I plan to maintain this certification anyway, but rather than pay for it myself I negotiated it as part of my contract. I'm letting the client's money work for me. Why wouldn't I?

 

I own a vacation property. I paid cash (profit from a rental property) so all it costs me is $10k per year for taxes, maintenance, management fees and insurance. If I rent it out for nine weeks per year, it pays for itself. It rents for an average of 38 weeks per year. I get a vacation home that is financed by other people's money ... with enough left over to save or to re-invest however I choose.

 

I realize this isn't everyone's dream, so to each her own. As long as you end up where you want, I support the choices you make to get there. Me, personally? I'm not tryin' to "work dumb," but hey - it's a free country. You do you!

[TranquilMind]

What's dumb is to think the two are mutually exclusive. :blink:

 

I retired at age 36 (with health benefits). My retirement income is fixed at 85% of what I had been earning while working F/T, and that's before factoring in investment returns earned post-retirement. Those are doing well right now, so I'm currently earning more as a retiree than I did as a F/T professional. If and when those take a downturn, my income will hold steady at 85% of my former salary.

 

I paid cash for my house, so with no mortgage we're able to live on 65% of my retirement income - which has thus far offered a solid buffer during recessions (including the ability to take that unused 35% and invest while the market is favorable). I'm down to six kids living at home. As they get older and leave, my expenses go down and I can reduce my livable income and invest even more.

 

My ex-husband hits mandatory retirement age in his 50s and will begin to draw his retirement, of which I'll be receiving half. He's a double dipper. We're not even counting on social security or our pensions, but if they're around we'll be eligible. And this is all outside of our non-work-related investments. Since those are more risky, we don't factor them into our baseline. As I get older my income will remain steady at minimum, and will increase at best.

 

A former client recently contacted me about a temporary project. It's 18 months long, and in the middle of that one of my certifications will expire. I plan to maintain this certification anyway, but rather than pay for it myself I negotiated it as part of my contract. I'm letting the client's money work for me. Why wouldn't I?

 

I own a vacation property. I paid cash (profit from a rental property) so all it costs me is $10k per year for taxes, maintenance, management fees and insurance. If I rent it out for nine weeks per year, it pays for itself. It rents for an average of 38 weeks per year. I get a vacation home that is financed by other people's money ... with enough left over to save or to re-invest however I choose.

 

I realize this isn't everyone's dream, so to each her own. As long as you end up where you want, I support the choices you make to get there. Me, personally? I'm not tryin' to "work dumb," but hey - it's a free country. You do you!

Wow. I need to hear more from you. That is impressive, Tita Gidge.

 

I totally believe in working smart but we still have houses to pay off. Not too far away I hope.

[Tita Gidge]

 

He's too young to have Alzheimer's.

 

 

:grouphug:

 

We take my auntie to the local Alzheimer's assisted living facility once a week for Bingo with the residents.

 

My auntie is 98. Most of the people there are in their 80s, some in their 70s. I always thought it was a disease of the elderly.

 

A few months ago a new resident came to stay. He's in his 50s. Until him, I had no idea it could strike so young. He has young grandchildren, and it's heart-breaking to watch them lose him this way.

[Tita Gidge]

Wow. I need to hear more from you. That is impressive, Tita Gidge.

 

I totally believe in working smart but we still have houses to pay off. Not too far away I hope.

 

I said in my original post that I believe in working smart but that fortunate timing is also a factor.

 

My family is too cheap to pay rent. For those of us who went to college away from family, they purchased a rental property. And that was really the beginning of it. I was gifted "my" property upon graduation and used it to leverage the purchase of a second rental property (a fourplex, my husband and I in one unit and the other three units financing the mortgage). And from there we kept buying properties, each one paying for the next - other peoples' money working for us. We kept that money separate from our incomes and just kept re-investing it.

 

We had a great head start thanks to my family; the same I hope to give my kids.

 

We had great timing in our non-real estate investments, always lucking into a great market and having a buffer in downturns. Real estate can be tricky and we've been fortunate thus far.

 

And we've always lived below our means, which has been doable because we chose to live near family. We continue to pool our resources as a group to benefit our entire family. I've spent eight years trying to convince my family to move out of the Bible Belt, but it's not happening. So at least I'm benefiting from the cheaper cost of living LOL.

 

My ex-husband and I disagreed about mortgages. He hated them. I thought they were a justifiable debt, and smarter to have (if you were going to have any debt at all). I thought the money was better off invested elsewhere in a higher earning potential because you can write off a mortgage and still pay it down if the outside investment goes right! But there's no greater feeling than to pay it off. I hope you get there soon!

[DawnM]

What's dumb is to think the two are mutually exclusive.  :blink:

 

I retired at age 36 (with health benefits). My retirement income is fixed at 85% of what I had been earning while working F/T, and that's before factoring in investment returns earned post-retirement. Those are doing well right now, so I'm currently earning more as a retiree than I did as a F/T professional. If and when those take a downturn, my income will hold steady at 85% of my former salary.

 

 

 

 

What kind of work?

[MaeFlowers]

It doesn't matter what degree you have, you just have to have a degree.

 

And faith. If you only had faith, you're life would be perfect. You'd be rich and never have depression and ...And if you have any of these problems, you must not **really** have faith.

[DawnM]

It doesn't matter what degree you have, you just have to have a degree.

 

 

 

 

I think this used to be more true than it is now.  In the old days (and yes, I am speaking of the days I went to college) it was easier to just get a degree and focus in grad school.  While there is still a nugget of truth to that in some situations, it doesn't work as well these days.   It isn't as easy to change majors while in college either.  It has all changed.

[LisaKinVA]

When you have beaten your competition (especially a boy), and they say, "I wasn't really trying."  (It's been said to me, and very recently to dd).

 

As long as you don't supplement at all, you're making enough milk -- and --  it's just a growth spurt (err, baby isn't having but 1 wet diaper a day, something is WRONG).

 

Homeschooling is easy.

 

Public school is easy.

 

I could never do that...(very few actually truly lack the ability, they lack the determination/desire)

 

You need to lose weight (said when I was actually the perfect weight for my build).

 

Sugar doesn't matter -- as long as it is low/non-fat.

 

Dating leads to divorce.

 

Premarital sex leads to divorce.

 

It's better to keep your money in an investment account and take out a consolidation loan than take the short-term tax hit and pay off the debt.

 

It's better to rent than to buy (or reverse...it always depends upon the situation/market -- moving back to either city, it's much cheaper for us to buy than rent).

 

 

 

 

[DawnM]

 

 

Dating leads to divorce.

 

 

 

 

I remember there was a family back when I was in my early 20s who taught this to their kids.  Their reasoning was that break ups in dating were like "mini-divorces" and made a real divorce less of a big deal.

 

I kept wondering how they could meet and know their potential spouse without actually dating.

 

I now realize it can be done (thanks WTM and Duggars!) , but I still find it odd to never be alone with the person, etc....

[LisaKinVA]

I remember there was a family back when I was in my early 20s who taught this to their kids.  Their reasoning was that break ups in dating were like "mini-divorces" and made a real divorce less of a big deal.

 

I kept wondering how they could meet and know their potential spouse without actually dating.

 

I now realize it can be done (thanks WTM and Duggars!) , but I still find it odd to never be alone with the person, etc....

 

It's a massive oversimplification, which assumes the converse is true -- only dating one person will lead to a good marriage.  I've known as many people who have divorced from those who only dated/courted the one they married, as from the dated multiple persons group.

 

FWIW, we encourage perspective when it comes to dating.  Why they want to date a person, what they are hoping to learn about the person, etc.  My oldest is will be 17 in just over a month.  He's never kissed a girl, nor has he had a date -- but he's asked out 3 girls.  Two of those three don't date because they feel boys are a distraction.  My son is fairly picky about who he'd like to date and why.  DD (14) likes boys, but feels most boys are just juvenile (can't say that I blame her) -- it's difficult being a driven girl -- but she'll probably find someone in about 10 years.  Until then, it's going to have to be a fairly special boy to get her attention.

Edited July 24, 2016 by LisaK in VA is in IT

[Seasons]

Try it in your 60's!

I will be 64 when he graduates and ready to retire!

[creekland]

It isn't as easy to change majors while in college either.  It has all changed.

 

Really?  All three of my guys changed majors in school from what they originally started with and none had trouble or needed more time to graduate because of it.  Youngest has changed his major three times and has finally settled on a fourth.

 

I'm guessing this is very school dependent, but it's also common for kids from the ps where I work to change majors in college once they see what they like.

[ktgrok]

I said in my original post that I believe in working smart but that fortunate timing is also a factor.

 

 

 

No offense, but it sounds like having been incredibly lucky to have people just hand you money also helped a whole hell of a lot. Having someone gift you a house as a young graduate isn't very common. Heck, not having to pay for your housing expenses while in college also is a huge, gift, even not including being given the entire house/apartment/wahtever afterwards! Plus having family nearby to babysit, help out, do your laundry, clean your house, whatever. I can't chalk all that up to "working smart"...it's also starting out ahead of the game.