Would you breastfeed this long (video clip)

[love2read]

I thought I nursed a long time, but I didn't even come close to this. I watched the clip and it just seems a little bizarre. Would you do it this long?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fxv6R9fUO74&feature=related

Edited October 8, 2008 by love2read

[Plucky]

I would if I lived in an environment of famine and my kids needed it, but otherwise no. It's not for us.

[clarkacademy]

I have seen it all I think. could not do that

[Lovedtodeath]

No I wouldn't. When I am surrounded by support of extended breastfeeding, it makes me think I would until 5 yrs old. But I haven't. We are working on weaning now. I hope to be done in a year or less.

[Audrey]

Very disturbing, IMO. :001_unsure:

[newlifemom]

Sorry, a year is all I am comfortable with.

[ticklbee]

Let me say right at the start that I'm very, very pro breastfeeding. I nursed all three of my children but by my choice, only to a year old. I loved it.

 

Having said that, while I was watching that video, all three of my dc's wandered over to see what I was watching. Here are their comments:

 

That it was weird, awkward, disturbing, disgusting and a little bit gross. :tongue_smilie:

 

I tend to agree with all their opinions. Especially the part where they named them...Ewww!

[Lovedtodeath]

In nature, primates nurse until they get their adult teeth. In humans that would equal 5-6 years. Many other mammals nurse for longer than an infant stage of a year if you consider their lifespan in comparison to humans. (having trouble wording this. I am trying to do this with a constant chatter going on.) In the bible, many children nursed until they were between 3 and 6. There is scientific evidence that breastmilk is beneficial for a child's immune system until they are 6-7 years old. In other countries it is common for children to nurse for an extended time. Those that are old enough to remember nursing describe it as "warmth". I can't think of anything better to remember.

 

I still put my personal cut-off at 3. 8 years old is too long IMO.

Edited October 7, 2008 by Lovedtodeath

[Tracey in TX]

Very disturbing, IMO. :001_unsure:

Precisely. It's excessive and bordering on grotesque. In an era where some children begin sexual activity at barely-double digit number ages, nursing at 8y/o is obscene. It seems the mother desires to be needed more than the kids need the milk.

[PariSarah]

I can't really think of any, though, and I'm glad not to be living in one of them. :001_huh:

Edited October 7, 2008 by PariSarah
horrifically embarrassing typo

[Nakia]

I loved breastfeeding. I nursed Anna for one year, Emma for 18 months, and Cora for two years.

 

But an eight year old, no way, no how.

[mommytobees]

They call "baby teeth" milk teeth for a reason. A child should be ready to be finished with breastfeeding when they lose their front teeth (any or all).

 

Kris

[at the beach]

Precisely. It's excessive and bordering on grotesque. In an era where some children begin sexual activity at barely-double digit number ages, nursing at 8y/o is obscene. It seems the mother desires to be needed more than the kids need the milk.

 

Well, I certainly didn't nurse till 8. I can certainly appreciate how shocking it is to see something like this when in our culture it's barely tolerable to see moms nursing newborns publicly.

 

I don't think breastfeeding can be equated with or compared to sexually precocious behavior in children. Nursing really isn't all about milk. It's also about nurturing a child. The pacifier is a substitute for the breast and so is the thumb.

 

I certainly understand strong reactions considering our culture, and I also think 8 is stretching the outer parameters of nursing. But I think nursing for several years at least should be the norm. I am personally disturbed and saddened by how many women voice repulsion at the thought of nursing at all. I hear it all the time. In many cultures, breasts are not viewed sexually. I watched a small portion of the video and it did not strike me that this was a sexual thing going on. I personally wouldn't want to nurse my eight year old. I also know I used to think I wouldn't nurse a three year old, and I have done that. So, I think it's all a matter of perspective and what we've been exposed to. The truth is, many of us are just not all that knowledgeable about breastfeeding.

 

I am curious as to how are you correlating breastfeeding at 8 as being obscene in comparison to kids having sex at barely double digit ages? I'm wondering what you see as the connection between breastfeeding being obscene in light of the fact that some kids engage in sex early.

 

Best wishes,

Anita

[beansprouts]

I still put my personal cut-off at 3.

 

Mine too. In fact the oldest I nursed was 2 1/2.

 

I do personally know children who nursed until 4 and 5 and are perfectly happy and well adjusted. I respect their mothers as being some of the kindest and most loving people I have ever known.

 

I have mixed feelings about the 8 year old. On the one hand, I don't feel it is my place to judge them, but on the other hand... it is a bit beyond my experience...

[MeanestMomInMidwest]

Very disturbing, IMO. :001_unsure:

:iagree::iagree:

[Brigitte]

Well, I certainly didn't nurse till 8. I can certainly appreciate how shocking it is to see something like this when in our culture it's barely tolerable to see moms nursing newborns publicly.

 

I don't think breastfeeding can be equated with or compared to sexually precocious behavior in children. Nursing really isn't all about milk. It's also about nurturing a child. The pacifier is a substitute for the breast and so is the thumb.

 

I certainly understand strong reactions considering our culture, and I also think 8 is stretching the outer parameters of nursing. But I think nursing for several years at least should be the norm. I am personally disturbed and saddened by how many women voice repulsion at the thought of nursing at all. I hear it all the time. In many cultures, breasts are not viewed sexually. I watched a small portion of the video and it did not strike me that this was a sexual thing going on. I personally wouldn't want to nurse my eight year old. I also know I used to think I wouldn't nurse a three year old, and I have done that. So, I think it's all a matter of perspective and what we've been exposed to. The truth is, many of us are just not all that knowledgeable about breastfeeding.

 

I am curious as to how are you correlating breastfeeding at 8 as being obscene in comparison to kids having sex at barely double digit ages? I'm wondering what you see as the connection between breastfeeding being obscene in light of the fact that some kids engage in sex early.

 

Best wishes,

Anita

 

If I am reading Tracey's post correctly, I don't think she was equating the act of breast feeding a child until the age of 8 with anything sexual. I think she was saying that 8 is too late since children are entering puberty and in some cases close to being sexually active.

[camibami]

I didn't watch the video, but nursing an 8 year old in and of itself is not terribly gross to me. Videotaping it? Definitely something odd going on there, IMO.

 

I nursed my youngest until almost 5. My little sister nursed to 4 ish, she remembers it. She's pretty normal, I assume my youngest will be, too. Well, as normal as she can growing up in this house!

[Lovedtodeath]

If I am reading Tracey's post correctly, I don't think she was equating the act of breast feeding a child until the age of 8 with anything sexual. I think she was saying that 8 is too late since children are entering puberty and in some cases close to being sexually active.

 

I think that the thought is perhaps that if a child is being exposed to sexual images and thoughts (and if kids are starting sexual activity at ages that are barely double digits they must be), then maybe they will start to have sexual feelings about breastfeeding if it is extended for an unusual time such as in this video, even though that is not the mothers intention.

[MyBlueLobsters]

At least it's a girl! That doesn't creep me out as much as if it had been a boy BF'ing at 8.

[Ria]

Wow. That was a bit of a shocker to me, and I thought I'd seen a bit in my time. I was once at a park with a group of moms. We were sitting on a park bench. One of the women had a couple kids, the youngest was a boy, age 4 1/2. At one point, he came up to her and asked for her "boobie", at which point she lifted her shirt straight up, whipped it out, and he stood in front of her and went at it. It was disturbing to say the least.

 

Personally, I think all kids should nurse until age 2. This video disturbed me...just as much as the park bench incident. Both were extreme. 4 1/2 in public was awful. Age 8 is just beyond.

 

Ria

[beansprouts]

I think that the thought is perhaps that if a child is being exposed to sexual images and thoughts (and if kids are starting sexual activity at ages that are barely double digits they must be), then maybe they will start to have sexual feelings about breastfeeding if it is extended for an unusual time such as in this video, even though that is not the mothers intention.

 

But I don't think it is natural for children to be sexualized at 8 years old. Children learn this through exposure to media, peers, and worse... I know that even at 9 1/2, and having had the "talk", my dd still wouldn't think this way. Perhaps in this family also the natural innocence of children is being preserved.

[Lovedtodeath]

But I don't think it is natural for children to be sexualized at 8 years old. Children learn this through exposure to media, peers, and worse...

Exactly.

[joannqn]

I would breastfeed that long if there was a medical need or shortage of food.

 

That said, I weaned my oldest at the age of three on the advise of my doctor. I was tandem nursing and dealing with severe postpartem depression. He suggested I consider it to lighten my stress load, physically and emotionally. I felt bad weaning her because she was a really bonded, cuddly child who just loved to nurse. I think she would have continued at least another year if I had let her. I weaned my second at two by not offering it when I returned home from a weekend trip. He never asked for it again so it was an easy wean. He didn't care as much about nursing and wasn't well-bonded at all. My third child is currently nursing at 19 months.

 

Interestingly, both of my older children experienced problems with dairy post-weaning. My daughter was allergic to milk. It gave her allergic shiners and severe constipation, and her stools burned (like a chemical burn) her skin immediately on contact. My son had severe lactose intollerance that led to development delays until we finally figured out what was wrong and corrected it. So, I guess it was good they breastfed as long as they did.

[sarahli]

I don't have issues with this, as long as it is a mutual breastfeeding relationship without abuse or neglect. My preference would be not to nurse past 4, but I don't think someone else's cutoff is my business.

[Tracey in TX]

If I am reading Tracey's post correctly, I don't think she was equating the act of breast feeding a child until the age of 8 with anything sexual. I think she was saying that 8 is too late since children are entering puberty and in some cases close to being sexually active.

Thank you, I was in a rush and didn't articulate myself well. Yes, at 8y/o many kids are pre-pubescent or within the throes of puberty. When one is that old shouldn't the mom's breast become her own as the child's breast is developing? Time to move on to the next stage of parenting IMO.

[LivingLatin]

I don't see anything inherently wrong with nursing an 8-year-old who wants to nurse, I suppose, although I certainly don't think I'd get that far myself. If the child was nursing a lot, I suppose I might worry about her permanent teeth coming in wrong, but I don't imagine most nursing 8-year-olds (if there are enough of them to actually make a generalization) nurse often enough to cause a problem.

 

But, if you think you've seen everything after that video, consider this story that I must admit is secondhand to me (and thus thirdhand to you):

 

A friend of mine, when she was younger, was traveling in India, and feeling very full of her cultural tolerance. During her trip, she was once on a train, sitting across from a young mother who had a little boy with her who appeared to be about 6. When the young lady started nursing her son, my friend was filled with pride at her own open-mindedness. After all, she'd never seen a school-aged child breastfed before, but she wasn't shocked! After a few minutes, however, the child sat up, leaned back comfortably in his seat, and lit up a cigarette.

 

The lady who told me that story, I feel, has indeed seen everything in the world of long-term nursing.

 

Nealy

mama to T, 5 (Ordinary Parents' Guide to Teaching Reading, Zaner-Bloser Handwriting Level K, and Saxon Math Level K); L, 2 (a co-op preschool-goer); and O, EDD 12/20/08, whose school is the womb.

[SkateLeft]

I'm also pro-extended nursing, and I wouldn't presume to tell someone else when to wean. I agree that filming it is weird though. The longest I've nursed a child at this point is until 3.5yo.

 

For what it's worth, our neurologist has a few older children in his practice that want to nurse, and the mothers struggle mightily with weaning, but things are complicated by their special needs. I only know because I expressed some concern to him that my son's medical condition would make weaning very tough. So I can see circumstances where the situation would be complicated.

[Ria]

Popping in again to say...the disturbing part of the video to me was the girls' obsession with their mother's breasts. The drawings, the discussion that the girls feel the breasts are theirs, the names...that is just creepy for an 8 and 11 year old.

 

Ria

[Heidi @ Mt Hope]

I agree. In case of famine or possibly a special needs child, yes. Under normal circumstances, not past age 2.

[Cindyg]

I'll join the minority. It didn't bother me at all. It made me nostalgic for a very special time in my life. Different kids need different things. Different families do different things. I wouldn't have filmed it and put it on youtube; but, no, it didn't bother me that that family is breastfeeding an 8YO.

[Annie Laurie]

It doesn't disturb me either. The longest I've nursed is 3, and my personal limit is probably 3 1/2 or 4. But it's a personal decision.

[lwilliams1922]

I don't have issues with this, as long as it is a mutual breastfeeding relationship without abuse or neglect. My preference would be not to nurse past 4, but I don't think someone else's cutoff is my business.

 

 

My youngest kids just turned 3 and 1.

The 3 yr old is just about weaned. I've been ready for her to wean for a while but i think it would have been tramatic to cut her off before SHE was ready.

 

I think my 1 yr old will wean soon but again, I'll watch to see when she's done. right now she needs to nurse first thing in the morning. Any other time of the day, I think she could take it or leave it.

 

Now i can't see nursing kids till they are school age, but that's just me. I think the decision should be what's best for each child (and mom).

 

I do value the health benefits in breast milk. We actually don't drink cow's milk in the house. If I had the time i think I would pump and build a stash so they could have a glass anytime they wanted.

 

For what it's worth, my nurslings have never had an ear infection at one and three yrs old.

[LibraryLover]

oops, double post!

Edited October 8, 2008 by LibraryLover

[SonshineLearner]

I nursed until my son turned 5 and my daughter was almost 3. I actually had to "force weaning" at 5 for my son. They were really healthy, and I agree with nursing as long as you both felt comfortable. Even though my son would have continued, I didn't think we should anymore. I still thought it was sweet...but kindergarten age...is old enough!

I agree that it's a cultural thing and that we in America quit too soon. The recommended age to quit nursing, according to the World Pediatric Association (is that what it's called?) is at least until 2.

[Crissy]

The nourishment of an eight year old via mother's breast milk is one thing.

I am a bit disturbed by the way the video portrays something of an obsession by the girls and their mother over her breasts. Naming them and frequently including them in their drawings, etc. just seems far too strange.

[Pink Fairy]

I'm curious--do those who think it's not their place to judge believe there is ever an age that is too old, or where it becomes inappropriate and/or child abuse? Is 9 years old too old? 10 years? 11?

 

I hope I'm not coming across as snarky, because this is an honest question and I genuinely want to know. :001_smile:

[hornblower]

I'm having probs with youtube at the moment so I haven't see the video but as an LC I say it's up to the mom & baby dyad to make that determination. It will vary widely.

 

I do think that raising a child in a culture where breasts are sexualized adds a lot of challenges to breastfeeding an older child. Clearly, breasts are not sexual in many cultures & for many people but when you're living in this culture, it's something you can't really escape. (though I'm doing my part by leaving my knitted breasts lying around to desensitize visitors :tongue_smilie:)

 

There is a separate issue of developmental psychology which has nothing to do with breasts but rather has to do with the development of identity. I'm particularly biased towards Erik Erikson's developmental views & I think that somewhere around the age of 6, there should be a shift in the child's identity which would make this specific type of bonding less important than the development of a different relationship with the family. Understand, I am a proponent of attachment theory so I'm not advocating a detached manner of parenting but rather suggesting that the relationship needs to move beyond this stage.

 

I did nurse until about 6. I honestly can't remember exactly when my older one weaned - I think it might have been a bit past 6 & the younger one was ready a bit before 6. It was very rare by then too.

[LibraryLover]

But I don't think it is natural for children to be sexualized at 8 years old. Children learn this through exposure to media, peers, and worse... I know that even at 9 1/2, and having had the "talk", my dd still wouldn't think this way. Perhaps in this family also the natural innocence of children is being preserved.

 

 

Absolutely true! I have a 9 yr old who has never had to go school, and we do not even have cable. This afternoon she was making grass houses in our field for her plastic ponies. Innocence Personified.

[nmoira]

But I don't think it is natural for children to be sexualized at 8 years old.

I agree.

 

FWIW, my oldest weaned at 4.5 and my youngest (about 4.25) is still nursing, albeit infrequently. I have no plans to force weaning.

[TracyR]

Hmm. I'll have to watch the video. But I'll respond first. I breastfed all four of my daughters at different times.

My oldest was 4 months when I switched to a bottle ( I worked full time and she had more of the bottle then she did me so she weaned herself then).

My 2nd for a week but she was tongue tied and couldn't latch properly ( could of been fixed by having it clipped but I didn't know at the time that was still done , misinformation by our ped).

My third I breastfed for a year and she just weaned herself to the cup

My fourth I breast fed for a year and I wanted to go a bit longer but had to stop due to her health problems and the fact she had multiple allergies and there was no way I could of not eaten what she was allergic too. I would of starved to death so she is on an amino based formula ( Elecare ) at age 2.

 

I loved breastfeeding. I had my girls sleep with me as infants , I carried them in my baby carriers. But the thing is I can look at my 8yr old right now and say without any reasonable doubt that I would never breastfed at the age of 8. There are so many other ways you can bond with your child at this age. I have to agree being a mom to all girls is that honestly puberty starts at the age of 7 in girls. I've noticed this. I'm not talking about breasts or periods. But the hormones start. Right at the age of 7 my girls changed as far as their moods were concerned. Its definitley something I've noticed among my daughter's friends too. Their bodies begin to change before we see it.

There are so many other wonderful ways to continue on bonding with your child. Reading with them, cuddling on the couch or in bed, mommy and daughter day, cooking together , doing crafts together , etc . I agree, so when is the right time to stop?

To me that is more about the mother's needs then the daughter's. Unless the child has some medical issue a typical , everday child. I'm sorry 8 is just way too old.

 

As wonderful as it sounds to some people. I think that is going too far in our time when food is plentiful and there is no scientific proof that breastmilk continues to provide immunity in a child past the age of 1 year.

[Peela]

I know someone who breastfed till her son was 8.

I don't have a problem with it. I think we are all too judgmental of what in some cultures is apparently normal, just because we don't come across it in our own culture very often. yes, I would be taken aback if I saw someone doign that on the street. But as someone else said, if it was a way ot get nutrition into a child, say in Africa (where i have heard it is more common to bf that long) well, who am I to say.

I allowed both my kids to bf until they themselves wanted to stop- I tendem fed them, since they are only 17 months apart. they both stopped quite spontaneously when the older was 5, the younger 3.5. that was their natural cut off.

It is possible of course that people do do it for reasons that are not altogether healthy, psychologically- to keep their children dependent, whatever. Many parents dont want to let go and subtly manipulate children to stay dependent. But my experience is that that bonding with my children made them so incredibly secure and independent, neither has ever had a problem being away from their parents since then. No clinginess or insecurity at all. Which was the point. I used to get so homesick as a child, hated camps, my parents valued indpendence highly and so tried to force it on me.....I read about attachment parenting when I was pregnant and was sold on it from the beginning, and I have to say, it has worked.

I cant say seeing the video didnt make me wonder, or didnt ick me out a little....but I would prefer to just keep an open mind and not draw any conclusions.

[Peela]

I'm curious--do those who think it's not their place to judge believe there is ever an age that is too old, or where it becomes inappropriate and/or child abuse? Is 9 years old too old? 10 years? 11?

 

I hope I'm not coming across as snarky, because this is an honest question and I genuinely want to know. :001_smile:

 

From what I remember from the family I knew that breastfed their 8yo, around 8 is when a child will normally wean themselves if they havent before hand. I sort of understood that in some traditional cultures, 8 is about the limit.

 

Still, a woman's breasts can be a source of nourishment and I am sure in times of famine or whatever, all sorts of things occur, including full grown people sustaining themselves on them. We are a little screwy around things like that in our culture, but I am sure its all been done.

[swellmomma]

I find nursing till 8 disturbing. I used to be friends with a woman who extended breastfed. FOr me my personal cut off is 2 at the latest, but because she was my friend I tried hard to look past it. The kicker for me was when she was pg with #4 she admitted her milk was dried up but she was still nursing #2 and #3. #2 was 4 and in preschool, she would nurse him before and after school, through out the day and night. He is now 5 and in kindergarten, she is still nursing him and the younger 2. She also said flat out that bfing was the only thing she felt she did right as a parenta nd didn't want to stop as a result. SO it became more about her feelings and desires imo than what is best for the kids. Her son is 3 months older than my Hunter and looking at Hunter there is no way I would still be nursing him. While I know breastfeeding is about mroe than the milk it is for comfort, I think the parent has really done something wrong if they have no other way to comfort their older child(as in 2+) without shoving a boob in their mouth.

[tibbyl]

From what I remember from the family I knew that breastfed their 8yo, around 8 is when a child will normally wean themselves if they havent before hand. I sort of understood that in some traditional cultures, 8 is about the limit.

 

Still, a woman's breasts can be a source of nourishment and I am sure in times of famine or whatever, all sorts of things occur, including full grown people sustaining themselves on them. We are a little screwy around things like that in our culture, but I am sure its all been done.

 

Didn't Rosasharon in "Grapes of Wrath" nurse a hungry adult?

[cathmom]

I respect those who say what their personal cut off is. But several posters have said that all children should be weaned by age 2.

 

What if I said that all children had to walk at 11 months? or talk in full sentences at 24 months?

 

I think that some of you would say, "Whoa! wait a second, my child wasn't ready to walk at 11 months! He didn't walk until 14 months." or "My child didn't speak in full sentences until 30 months."

 

Not all children are ready to do the same things at the same time! I find it surprising that homeschooling parents are advocating a blanket weaning age, since one of the main benefits of homeschooling is doing things when the child is ready to do them.

 

I think we recognize that trying to force our children to walk or talk before they are ready won't work and may create problems. Why is weaning any different?

 

(Understand that I am speaking of the arbitrary 2 yo limit mentioned by several posters, NOT the 8 yo issue!)

[cathmom]

Didn't Rosasharon in "Grapes of Wrath" nurse a hungry adult?

 

Yes, that is how the book ends.

[Lovedtodeath]

I respect those who say what their personal cut off is. But several posters have said that all children should be weaned by age 2.

 

Some said age 1!

 

I am shocked that homeschoolers advocate weaning so early!! I personally struggle with nutritional and digestive problems. If I did not, I would probably not be trying to wean DS now. I am certainly not going to force it on my sweet baby.

 

The WHO (World Health Organization) recommends breastfeeding until a child is 3. The AMA recommends until at least 1 and then as long as it is mutually desireable by mother and child. I have stated the other facts in my previous post. The majority of children who are weaned from their mother's milk before age 3 must have a replacement of that milk from another mammal. It is ridiculous that another mammal's milk is preferred over their mother's.

 

http://www.kellymom.com/bf/bfextended/ebf-benefits.html

Nursing toddlers benefit NUTRITIONALLY

 

• <LI class=smallest>

Nursing toddlers are SICK LESS OFTEN <LI class=smallest>Nursing toddlers have FEWER ALLERGIES <LI class=smallest>Nursing toddlers are SMART <LI class=smallest>Nursing toddlers are WELL ADJUSTED SOCIALLY <LI class=smallest>Nursing a toddler is NORMAL <LI class=smallest>MOTHERS also benefit from nursing past infancy

Additional Resources

kellymom.com :: Extended Breastfeeding Myths

[beansprouts]

Does anybody know how old this video is? I remember seeing it at least two years ago.

[JudyJudyJudy]

I breastfed my son until he was 5. If I had not dried up, he would have nursed longer. His body knew what he needed. He was healthier while nursing. He has a lot of food allergies and gastro problems, so breast milk was wonderful for him.

 

I couldn't care less that someone else is breastfeeding an 8-year-old. That's between the mother and the child, and at some point the child will stop.

 

It does bug me to see so many people on a homeschooling board who advocate raising their children as they see fit criticizing others for doing the same.

[JudyJudyJudy]

Does anybody know how old this video is? I remember seeing it at least two years ago.

I don't know how old it is, but I saw it quite a while back, too. I didn't even watch it this time because I had seen it before.