Anyone want to make me feel better?

[MedicMom]

You can tell me to grow up :)

 

DH hates holidays. He wouldn't celebrate Christmas until we had children and I forced him to. He considers Mother's Day to be ridiculous and refuses to acknowledge it. Fine. It's not like this is something new. My kids are too young to know about it themselves, except that I make sure we give the grandmas something.

 

So I knew there would be no acknowledgement today. But on Facebook all I'm seeing is moms enjoying some time alone or a special lunch of whatever...and I am feeling a tad bit jealous. DH would probably be fine if I told him I was going to the mall alone, but he has to be back to work at 5 tonight for a 39 hour shift so he's sleeping most of today.

 

So...thanks for letting me vent. I will stay off Facebook the rest of the day and go back to doing laundry.

Edited May 8, 2016 by MedicMom

[maize]

:grouphug:

[happi duck]

(Hugs)

[linders]

:grouphug:  :grouphug:

[creekland]

Awe, can't laundry wait until tomorrow?

 

And when your kids get older, you can do things together with them and let the grinch enjoy his own day doing whatever.

 

Marriage is a compromise - not a he (or she) wins.  Your doing things for yourself (skipping laundry and enjoying something special you get for yourself today) and then doing things with your kids in later years (something special with them) seems like the best compromise you can make.

 

:grouphug:

[HomeAgain]

The woman who founded Mother's Day led a boycott against celebrating what it had become.

 

We are not celebrating today.  I got some special attention from my 6yo who wanted to make me "pretty", but aside from that, no.  Frankly, I'm tired of all the holidays this week and I'm a bit glad. 

May 4th - Star Wars Day

May 5th - Cinco De Mayo

May 6th - Military Spouse Appreciation day

May 8th - Mother's day.

 

Enough.  Done.  And I'd feel weird if dh did anything because I'm not *his* mother.  The kids can tell me they love me and if I want I'll take a nice long bath to celebrate my motherly body.

Edited May 8, 2016 by HomeAgain

[The Girls' Mom]

Nothing really going on here either.  I admit, I'm still holding out hope that one of my three adult-sized kids will have pity on me and at least clean up the kitchen, but since they all disappeared upstairs, I won't hold my breath.  

 

I, too, wasn't feeling to bad about it, as it is the norm here.  Then I got on FB...bleh.  

 

I did guilt the kids into taking a photo with me.

 

I'm not a fan of this holiday either.  

[mathnerd]

Nothing is going on at my house either. DS gave me a candle a couple of days ago because he did not want to forget to give it to me on mother's day! And today I went out to drop DS off at his chess club and outside every single restaurant on our busy road, there were hoards of families taking selfies after their mother's day brunch and many were carrying flowers, balloons etc. I told my DH to take our family out for a mother's day lunch next sunday because the crowds would be lesser then!

[SparklyUnicorn]

Nothing is going on here. 

 

My mother passed away many years ago.  My MIL lives in another country.  My husband asked (halfheartedly) what I want and I said nothing. 

 

I grilled myself a steak and drank a cold beer while ignoring my usual mom duties.  That's my idea of a celebration.  :laugh:

[creekland]

Nothing is going on here. 

 

My mother passed away many years ago.  My MIL lives in another country.  My husband asked (halfheartedly) what I want and I said nothing. 

 

I grilled myself a steak and drank a cold beer while ignoring my usual mom duties.  That's my idea of a celebration.  :laugh:

 

I'm listening to my MIL rant over and over about all the horrid people around.  (It's not true, it's her Advanced Alzheimers.)  Laverne and Shirley is on in the background.

 

But coming here was my idea TBH.  It gives me good feelings to see hubby having a good time together with his dad and brother.  They don't get that often.  This day was a good excuse to plan this time.

 

There are other days (soon) where I'll enjoy my guys and time with my mom.

 

We did get lunch out though - paying a ton for it I think.

Edited May 8, 2016 by creekland

[SparklyUnicorn]

My husband did offer to grill the steak for me.  He has never grilled anything in his life so I was trying to imagine that.  I said no thanks.

 

 

[Valley Girl]

First, Medic Mom, let me wish you a happy Mother's Day. You are an amazing mom. After getting to "know" you via your threads, I have to say that I am in awe of your strength. Second, skip the laundry. It will still be there tomorrow. Can you throw pillows on the floor, grab some snacks (I suggest chocolate for you), and cuddle up with the kids to watch videos--or read something you enjoy while they watch videos? Feed the kids cereal for dinner, so you don't have to cook. In other words, do the bare minimum of those mundane, thankless everyday chores and grab a little time for yourself? Tell the kids "It's Mother's Day, so we're going to have fun doing XYZ."

[purplejackmama]

Can I tell your hubby to grow up? ;)

 

I get that he thinks holidays are (fill in the blank) but that doesn't give him the right to dictate how you feel about them. Ya know?

[Seasider]

First, Medic Mom, let me wish you a happy Mother's Day. You are an amazing mom. After getting to "know" you via your threads, I have to say that I am in awe of your strength. Second, skip the laundry. It will still be there tomorrow. Can you throw pillows on the floor, grab some snacks (I suggest chocolate for you), and cuddle up with the kids to watch videos--or read something you enjoy while they watch videos? Feed the kids cereal for dinner, so you don't have to cook. In other words, do the bare minimum of those mundane, thankless everyday chores and grab a little time for yourself? Tell the kids "It's Mother's Day, so we're going to have fun doing XYZ."

Hear, hear! You are an awesome mom. You have battled through an extraordinary year. The failed expectations of a media-made holiday can't take away those victories.

 

Tell the kids that Mother's Day means you get to decide how to spend the afternoon. The suggestion about sounds good to me.

[basketcase]

Huh. My feed is mostly full of pictures of my friends' moms. Which makes me feels guilty for not having a childhood pic with my mom scanned and ready.

 

I love Halloween on FB. Also back-to-school pics. Not so much Mother's Day, Valentine's Day or St. Patrick's Day. (wait, you made your kids a scavenger hunt to find the pot of Rolos? Ugh.)

[bolt.]

I say grab this bull by the horns and start teaching your kids exactly how you expect them to participate in this day.

 

I didn't see their ages but from very young (3 ish?) I took my kids to a store and walked them through, "Now you are going to buy a mothers' day gift from you to me. Would you like to get me x, y, or z? Great. Pick it up, let's go pay." At home they put it in a gift bag, scribbled out a home made card, etc. I planned my favourite foods, had them help slightly, plated everything and then went to sit down and they would bring me my plate. I thanked them for my special day.

 

Now (8 & 11) the day before Mother's Day (and my birthday) I help them with any plans (ie make sure they have plans) and provide adult level pre-help -- so that they can run the day (cooking, cards, gifts, basic chores) with as much independence as possible.

 

Soon, I'm sure they won't need the pre-help or oversight. The skill of pampering a loved one on a special day is an important life skill for their future loved ones. I'm not going to *not* teach it.

[happypamama]

MedicMom, I'm sorry you aren't being celebrated more in real life!  You certainly deserve it, especially after this past year!  (((HUGS))), and I vote for picking up something for dinner that you like, if you can!

[MedicMom]

I know it's super silly. I am just coming off of a--literally--100 hour work week and would have loved an afternoon to just chill by myself.

Also I may have point blank said that since he uses Father's Day as an excuse to buy himself new tools, he needed to go out and buy me a one-cup, less expensive Keurig. I even pointed out the $80 on Amazon.

Nope.

 

Ok. It is silly. I know. It's been a rough year and I really wanted one afternoon.

[MEmama]

Yeah...DH made breakfast, DS sulked all day, we bought compost and mulch, I went on a cleaning spree and now DH and DS are at a movie while I eat dinner by myself. I'm not a fan of Hallmark holidays.

 

I say turn off FB, do what you want and feel good about it.

 

Eta I just read your last post. I'm sorry. You really deserve to have a special day. There is nothing silly or selfish about it. (( hugs ))

Edited May 8, 2016 by MEmama

[Spryte]

I know it's super silly. I am just coming off of a--literally--100 hour work week and would have loved an afternoon to just chill by myself.

Also I may have point blank said that since he uses Father's Day as an excuse to buy himself new tools, he needed to go out and buy me a one-cup, less expensive Keurig. I even pointed out the $80 on Amazon.

Nope.

 

Ok. It is silly. I know. It's been a rough year and I really wanted one afternoon.

((Hugs))

 

Order the coffee maker for yourself. And next year, order something you want early enough that you can have the kids give it to you. :)

[Kim in Appalachia]

I know it's super silly. I am just coming off of a--literally--100 hour work week and would have loved an afternoon to just chill by myself.

Also I may have point blank said that since he uses Father's Day as an excuse to buy himself new tools, he needed to go out and buy me a one-cup, less expensive Keurig. I even pointed out the $80 on Amazon.

Nope.

 

Ok. It is silly. I know. It's been a rough year and I really wanted one afternoon.

 

 

:grouphug:

 

Buy yourself the Keurig.  He buys himself tools?? Then you can treat yourself as well.

[Spryte]

I say grab this bull by the horns and start teaching your kids exactly how you expect them to participate in this day.

 

I didn't see their ages but from very young (3 ish?) I took my kids to a store and walked them through, "Now you are going to buy a mothers' day gift from you to me. Would you like to get me x, y, or z? Great. Pick it up, let's go pay." At home they put it in a gift bag, scribbled out a home made card, etc. I planned my favourite foods, had them help slightly, plated everything and then went to sit down and they would bring me my plate. I thanked them for my special day.

 

Now (8 & 11) the day before Mother's Day (and my birthday) I help them with any plans (ie make sure they have plans) and provide adult level pre-help -- so that they can run the day (cooking, cards, gifts, basic chores) with as much independence as possible.

 

Soon, I'm sure they won't need the pre-help or oversight. The skill of pampering a loved one on a special day is an important life skill for their future loved ones. I'm not going to *not* teach it.

This. Exactly. It takes training. And in training your kiddos, you may inadvertently train your DH. Or not. But either way you'll have a good day, and give your kids a life skill.

[clementine]

Many of my kids' friends have posted pictures and lovely messages about their moms on instagram.  I wonder, though, how many of those moms actually have an instagram account and will see the post.  Part of me feels like some of those posts are to make the teenager feel good, not necessarily the mom of the teenager.  But I digress....

 

My Mother's Day was like every other day, except my hubby and kids did say "Happy Mother's Day" - which actually made my day.  :)

 

 

 

[Seasider]

I know it's super silly. I am just coming off of a--literally--100 hour work week and would have loved an afternoon to just chill by myself.

Also I may have point blank said that since he uses Father's Day as an excuse to buy himself new tools, he needed to go out and buy me a one-cup, less expensive Keurig. I even pointed out the $80 on Amazon.

Nope.

 

Ok. It is silly. I know. It's been a rough year and I really wanted one afternoon.

Not silly. Hard not to feel something with all the hype around the holiday.

 

But, seriously, if your dh buys things *for himself* on Father's Day, he must certainly expect you to feel free to do the same on Mother's Day. Go ahead, order that keurig.

[Ausmumof3]

I know it's super silly. I am just coming off of a--literally--100 hour work week and would have loved an afternoon to just chill by myself.

Also I may have point blank said that since he uses Father's Day as an excuse to buy himself new tools, he needed to go out and buy me a one-cup, less expensive Keurig. I even pointed out the $80 on Amazon.

Nope.

 

Ok. It is silly. I know. It's been a rough year and I really wanted one afternoon.

It's not silly. He considers Mother's Day stupid but he uses Father's Day as an excuse to buy tools. That probably wouldn't fly here. Unfortunately some men don't get it when it comes to celebrations. If mum thinks it's stupid and doesn't want or that's fine but no one else needs to decide that.

 

However, all you can really do is make it a holiday yourself, maybe do something special with a mum figure in your life and get the kids making you some tea or coffee even if it's cold... I'd also buy the coffee maker. You are an amazing mum and I hope you have a bit gentler week coming up.

[bolt.]

It's not too late!

 

Order the coffee machine.

 

Print out the photo from Amazon.

 

Print out a card that kids can colour in.

 

Have them colour the card and show them how to put the picture inside the card to show what the gift will be when it comes. (Explain how the gift delivery will work)

 

Have them set it near your place for your next meal together. Then open the card, grin and thank them for the lovely card and gift. Listen to them take full credit.

[MedicMom]

He wouldn't mind if I bought the keurig, to be honest. He knows he buys himself things for Father's Day and won't be upset if I did the same within reason.

 

I just kind of wanted him to do it for the kids lol. I stopped looking at Facebook and I feel better. :)

[mamiof5]

I know it's super silly. I am just coming off of a--literally--100 hour work week and would have loved an afternoon to just chill by myself.

Also I may have point blank said that since he uses Father's Day as an excuse to buy himself new tools, he needed to go out and buy me a one-cup, less expensive Keurig. I even pointed out the $80 on Amazon.

Nope.

 

Ok. It is silly. I know. It's been a rough year and I really wanted one afternoon.

For me it's not silly at all whatsoever. And he uses father's day as an excuse to buy more tools? That makes me mad. It's not about the day, the gifts (I'm not a materialistic person, I don't request expensive gifts, flowers etc. I'm not saying those who do is a bad thing, just trying to explain that for me it's NOT about the gift). However, it IS about the gesture. I know we are all moms and dads (those who are) every day...but we all have busy lives and a little pampering lifts my soul. I went to Adoration, a massage, and bought some candles...because I need that, I need time with God, and also some pampering. I hope you can do a re-do for your mother's day...very soon, like this weekend? Take an afternoon off to do what YOU would like to do. HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!!

[texasmama]

I got myself a pedicure on Friday because I knew that is a gift I would enjoy.  The family is under strict instructions not to get gifts.  (I dislike gifts because it is a holiday because they are usually a waste of money and nothing I wanted in the first place.)  I did receive some cards.  I told dh that I wanted to go to lunch after church because I didn't want to cook.  I still did laundry and make brekkie for kids and did pet care and cleaned up the kitchen.  Dh got me a card.  I only have one little anymore, and she is creative and made some sweet things for me out of supplies I bought for her at Michael's at her request.

 

All that to say that if I want to have a Mother's Day that is what I truly want, I have to engineer it.  I am really not into spending money or gifts so it is pretty easy.  Get yourself the coffee maker.  :)

[Tita Gidge]

He wouldn't mind if I bought the keurig, to be honest. He knows he buys himself things for Father's Day and won't be upset if I did the same within reason.

 

I just kind of wanted him to do it for the kids lol. I stopped looking at Facebook and I feel better. :)

 

I think you should feel better because this is reflective of how he feels about holidays - not how he feels about you, mother to his children.  But I suppose feeling better about it isn't really any consolation since you feel differently about holidays - not just this one, but all of them. 

 

I wish he would recognize that he can hold on to his personal feelings about Mother's Day while still acknowledging, and indulging, yours - on this, of all holidays. But since we can only control our ownself, I vote you embrace the ideas mentioned above and celebrate yourself.

 

I bet that in a few years time, especially as your kids get older, they'll pick up on your vibe and come to share your enthusiasm for the holidays. Some of them, at least! Hopefully this one. And they'll eventually be old enough to take matters into their own hands.  Until then, the week before Mother's Day print out some coloring pages, get out some cardstock and fancy scissors, find some glitter ... with them, make color, glue, and cut out Mother's Day cards for other moms in your life (neighbors, family, friends). Most kids will take that opportunity to also make one for you; if not the first year, maybe the next.

 

:grouphug: Happy Mother's Day. I'm sorry your husband doesn't get how important it is that you feel acknowledged today.

Edited May 8, 2016 by Tita Gidge

[SparklyUnicorn]

I know it's super silly. I am just coming off of a--literally--100 hour work week and would have loved an afternoon to just chill by myself.

Also I may have point blank said that since he uses Father's Day as an excuse to buy himself new tools, he needed to go out and buy me a one-cup, less expensive Keurig. I even pointed out the $80 on Amazon.

Nope.

 

Ok. It is silly. I know. It's been a rough year and I really wanted one afternoon.

 

Did he say no to buying it or no only to him going out and buying it?  That's one reason I usually say nothing when my DH asks me what I want.  If I want something I usually just buy it.  Within reason of course, but something in that price range I wouldn't even mention it.  I'd just buy it.

 

My husband would go out and buy it if I asked for it, but at the end of the day that really doesn't matter that much to me.  I don't see the point of this formal ceremonial exchange of gifts.  Of course I'd be wildly thrilled and surprised if my husband did something surprising (not in his character), but I really don't care deeply that he doesn't generally do so.  I want him to treat me well everyday and not just on mother's day.  KWIM? 

 

Kinda how I feel about bringing my kids to the store and picking out something that I pay for that I then tell them they are buying for me.  I think it's ok that people do that, but I don't think that really counts as a thoughtful gesture.  My kids don't tend to do more than say happy this or that (because their dad reminded them to), but every once in awhile they surprise me.  A few times my younger kid put effort into drawing me a nice picture without anyone mentioning it.  That's better than any gift any day ever.  I really love that.  That to me is truly from their heart. 

[lllll]

nm

Edited May 16, 2016 by _ ?^..

[ThursdayNext]

I say grab this bull by the horns and start teaching your kids exactly how you expect them to participate in this day.

 

I didn't see their ages but from very young (3 ish?) I took my kids to a store and walked them through, "Now you are going to buy a mothers' day gift from you to me. Would you like to get me x, y, or z? Great. Pick it up, let's go pay." At home they put it in a gift bag, scribbled out a home made card, etc. I planned my favourite foods, had them help slightly, plated everything and then went to sit down and they would bring me my plate. I thanked them for my special day.

 

Now (8 & 11) the day before Mother's Day (and my birthday) I help them with any plans (ie make sure they have plans) and provide adult level pre-help -- so that they can run the day (cooking, cards, gifts, basic chores) with as much independence as possible.

 

Soon, I'm sure they won't need the pre-help or oversight. The skill of pampering a loved one on a special day is an important life skill for their future loved ones. I'm not going to *not* teach it.

I like this so so much!

[Jaybee]

I know it's super silly. I am just coming off of a--literally--100 hour work week and would have loved an afternoon to just chill by myself.

Also I may have point blank said that since he uses Father's Day as an excuse to buy himself new tools, he needed to go out and buy me a one-cup, less expensive Keurig. I even pointed out the $80 on Amazon.

Nope.

 

Ok. It is silly. I know. It's been a rough year and I really wanted one afternoon.

It's not silly.  :grouphug: It's especially not super silly.