how would you word this...needing a sitter

[caedmyn]

I need to find a regular baby-sitter...mother's helper really, because I'll be at home, but I need someone to watch/play with my kids so I can actually get things done sometimes.  My boys are high maintenance.  They need someone who is capable of telling them what to do and coming up with (and enforcing) some sort of consequence if they don't do it.  The mother's helpers I've had in the past have been young and have no idea what to do if the kids don't listen, and it defeats the point of having a mother's helper if I spend a bunch of time dealing with the kids while they're there.  They also need someone who is capable of "herding cats" and keeping them all in the same general area.  They're very good at taking off and not staying where they're supposed to stay (and getting into things they're not supposed to while they're at it).  My other helpers haven't been able to keep them together (actually they haven't quite seemed to understand the idea of why they need to be kept together and not let go off randomly to get into whatever).

 

How can I word this in an ad for a sitter/mother's helper, without making my children sound like little monsters?  Which they sometimes are, but if someone just supervises them properly and keeps them busy the whole time, they'll be fine.  I just want to make it clear that I need someone with some child management capabilities.

Edited April 29, 2016 by caedmyn

[Katy]

I'm not sure I'd try to phrase anything that way.  Instead I'd look for an older girl. 16-22.

[heartlikealion]

I probably need one of those as well lol. Maybe ask for references? Then you could call the references and ask them something about how the mother's helper handled things?

[MedicMom]

I have children like that. I purposely looked for someone older who had experience with children.

[ThisIsTheDay]

How much time have you spent training your past sitters?  I think most younger "helpers" would find it awkward to be reprimanding and deliberately directing your children while you are nearby. It's also challenging for most young people that age to have an appropriate tone and authority, particularly if they are also trying to occupy your children on the children's level.  Instead of looking for someone older, I would try to work with a younger person who showed potential--and who was already the oldest child in their own family and possibily had exposure and experience working with younger children.

[Farrar]

I think you need a teen or college boy who likes and is used to little kids (as most homeschooled kids would be, if you advertise on a homeschool board). I know people think of girls as the babysitters, but I've known a few boys and young men who babysat over the years and they're exactly the mold of person you want. The fact that you're going to be there - that it's a mother's helper gig - means you can probably get away with hiring someone on the younger end and paying less.

 

I'd say something like this...

 

I have three high energy boys age 3-7 and am looking for a mother's helper [insert days of the week, times]. Ideally, I want someone with a lot of energy who can keep up with them, plan and engage in active play with them, and basically tire them out for me. It needs to be someone with experience with younger kids and keeping a very watchful eye. This could be ideal for a teen with a lot of energy, maybe a kid who is a budding sports coach.

[Daria]

I wouldn't word it as "Mother's Helper". To me a mother's helper is a young girl who plays with the kids so mom can get things done, but who isn't responsible for discipline or safety.

 

What you want is a nanny or babysitter.

[hornblower]

I think this would be an incredibly awkward and hard job. 

I babysat a lot as an older teen & YA and I wouldn't do a job like this.  

I think you'd need to spend a lot of time not only training the person you hire, and establishing what your rules are and what discipline methods you use and how... and you also have to spend a lot of time training your children to mind their other caregiver.  The parent''s helpers role is more as an aide to you, a seconds set of eyes to watch kids playing in the yard  or the playroom while you do things, a person to play games with kids, or help them at the table with a meal that you've prepared. They may also sweep a floor or fold some laundry etc but discipline problems or children that simply do not mind would be beyond the scope for that IMO. 

I think maybe what you want is a clone of yourself :) 

 

[fairfarmhand]

I think you've gotten some good suggestions, but keep in mind that since you need a more experienced person, you may need to pay a bit more.

 

A 10-12 yo who plays with a toddler while you fold laundry is one thing, but an older sitter (which is basically what you need) deserves higher pay for keeping up with several high energy kids.

 

Just in case you haven't thought of that.

 

 

My dd is 18 and would be the perfect sitter for a situation like yours, but she makes $10 an hour at her real estate job and your job would mentally wear her out more than the real estate. So if you offered her pay more like what her sister would get for playing with a toddler, she really wouldn't be interested.

[Katy]

I just go for girls because of what I read in that book about fear and kids - Protecting the Gift.  But you're going to be there, within earshot.  A college age boy in school for sports coaching might be perfect.

[wendy not in HI]

You need Super Nanny!  Could you say something like "looking for Mary Poppins"  Someone ready to jump in and have fun with my creative and energetic children.  Experienced sitters only!

 

Then when you receive a response, you can further vet by just telling them what you need and what you expect.  If they are uncomfortable with setting consequences and following through, they should let you know before you spend any time training them. 

 

The year before my oldest dd was born I was sort of a nanny for a mom who worked from home.  I took care of her 3 children 5 years old and younger from 9am to 3pm. I took the oldest one to half day K.  I also did laundry and some house cleaning.  The kids were pretty active, and it was hard to keep them from running to their mom when ever they needed something.  It was also awkward with her right there, listening to me and what I said to the kids.  She was generally busy and not available, but she would sometimes come in and correct me or step in - talk about uncomfortable!!  I got better at having activities to do, and redirecting the kids.  She got better at letting me be in charge during my time there.  It is a tricky balance.

 

Luckily I'm bossy and I am good with kids, so it ended up being a really positive experience for me. I hope you find someone great for your kids!!

 

 

[goldberry]

Stress the older and experienced part. Also look for older kids with lots of younger siblings they may have been responsible for.  Also yes, if you are going to be there, an older boy (with younger siblings maybe) might be perfect.

 

My DD17, only child, is just now having her first babysitting job.  She could never handle what you're describing - your boys would have her tied up and set on fire the first visit!  (That sounds like a joke, but a friend of mine was actually tied with duct tape to a chair at her first job!)  Fortunately, the little girl she is watching is pretty easy.

[SebastianCat]

Before you hire anyone, I think you should come up with a list of expected behaviors and consequences for disobedience, so your potential babysitter has a "toolbox" from which to work. When I babysat during high school and college, there's no way I could have done what you are expecting a mother's helper to do unless some consequences were pre-determined by the parents. Whenever I've taught a group of children in church or a co-op setting, there has always been a procedure to follow for discipline issues - since you can already anticipate needing the same thing for your children, if you really want the mother's helper to have success, you will need to have the same procedure. It doesn't need to be all negative either - give them a goal to work toward, like, "if we have 5 days straight without anyone needing a timeout, we'll go get ice cream," or "Every time (mother's helper) sees you being kind or being a good listener, she'll put a marble in the jar. When the jar is full, we'll go get ice cream."

[prairiewindmomma]

You need a nanny or au pair, ideally a part-time college student, and you should expect to pay her well.  I pay $10/hr for basic babysitting, but for a nanny type position, $15/hr would be more appropriate in my area.

 

 

[Lang Syne Boardie]

You need a nanny or au pair, ideally a part-time college student, and you should expect to pay her well.  I pay $10/hr for basic babysitting, but for a nanny type position, $15/hr would be more appropriate in my area.

 

Yes. You need a professional level of care, and that should cost more because the training and the effort are worth more.

 

Before I was trained in early childhood development and childcare, I would have been the type of teen to manage this job well, but I wouldn't have done it for babysitter wages. Not when there were almost unlimited numbers of easier-to-mind children whose parents were offering the same $$$. In other words, I would have done a very good job for you on the first day but I wouldn't have come back.

 

After I was trained and very employable for special cases, I would have taken a job with children like yours over the on-site daycare or preschool options, because I would have enjoyed it. I am very Mary Poppins'ish and I'm partial to rowdy little boys -- especially the type that should be cared for at home instead of in an institutional setting. But at that point, I couldn't have done it unless the pay were competitive.

 

I've thought about this a lot over the years, as I brought four boys into the world who were not babysitter-friendly at all. They outgrew it, but until then it was just me. I was their best, safest, most loving option, and I was all I could afford...

[caedmyn]

I think the two I've had for mother's helpers simply don't have the personality to be directing more difficult children.  I have posted on local homeschool boards but only received responses from young teens, so now I guess I'll have to try either Craigslist or just a local Facebook group. 

 

I don't know if we'd be comfortable with a male sitter even when I'm home.  But if we were it would still have to be the right personality I think...my 28 YO (single, no kids, not much experience with kids) brother was here the last couple days and my 5 YO decided he would be the boss and walked all over him.  Sigh.

 

I can certainly come up with a list of consequences.  I suspect the 5 YO would need a few sessions of "you didn't listen to the sitter so now you have to sit on the floor by mom and do nothing for an hour" before he'd decide to comply regardless.  I just need someone who's not afraid to enforce the consequences, and who actually pays attention to where the kids are at all times.  And maybe some positive incentives would help too.  I actually don't think the right person would have too much trouble with them if they were consistent the first few times (except for maybe the 5 YO who thinks he should be the boss of everyone right now).  They just need to be kept busy, told firmly what to not to do if they, say, start riding their bikes into the garage door, and told to stay outside or in the room if one starts making a beeline for a door. 

 

I have no problem paying $10/hr.  But I really only need someone once a week for 3-4 hours, maybe going up to 3-5 days a week for 3ish hours after the baby comes if I can find the right person, so not looking for a nanny.

 

 

[mom2samlibby]

I don't know if we'd be comfortable with a male sitter even when I'm home.

 

Why?

 

 

 

  But if we were it would still have to be the right personality I think...my 28 YO (single, no kids, not much experience with kids) brother was here the last couple days and my 5 YO decided he would be the boss and walked all over him.  Sigh.

 

 

I wouldn't expect their single, no kids uncle to take charge of them.  He's their uncle and supposed to be fun.  You were around at the time, so he wouldn't expect to discipline them.  

 

Most pre-teen mother's helpers won't be able to discipline.  They just aren't capable of it, as they are so young.  You need some one a lot older for that.

Edited April 29, 2016 by mom2samlibby

[maize]

What are the tasks you need time for?

 

For my family, it works best to hire a mother's helper to do basic household tasks--clean the kitchen, pick up and sweep the living room, fold laundry, etc.

 

I realize this doesn't help with you needing a break from the kids.

[Guest]

You need a nanny or another parent involved. That's asking too much of normal babysitting or helping, I'm afraid. Pay $20-30 hourly and you'll get a very qualified pool of applicants.

 

For me personally I'd be looking for someone to wash my floors and do dishes while *I* deal with my kids, because otherwise it's just reinforcing existing problems or delaying them. No babysitter I've had outside of an adult caregiver fully responsible for the home and children has been able to manage more intensive tasks than keeping the kids busy. Child training, in particular, is best left as the domain of a parent or guardian. The most I can ask of an in home helper is to not make things worse by not telling me if there has been an issue so I can deal with it.

[prairiewindmomma]

I think there are reactive caregivers and proactive caregivers. With crazy young boys, you are looking for someone who will be proactive. I don't know that you are going to find a great person off of Facebook.  You are looking for a specific skill set, and honestly it's hard to find.  

Are you in a larger metro area that would have a nanny service? Are you in a small community where word of mouth networking would help?

Are you in a university town where you could put a want ad into the university newspaper?

 

 

[Paige]

I would look for someone who is much older- like a retired teacher or something- someone 30+; but probably more like 55+. If your kids are a handful, you want people who have BTDT and it won't cause them to blink. You may have to pay more, but you also could find an older lady who likes kids and would be happy to make some money on the side. 

[prairiewindmomma]

That's a good point. Look among your SAHM friends who have their kids in public school and are bored and wanting a bit of money without the firm commitment and rigid hours of a regular job.

[TammyS]

I think what you need is an older teen or young adult male to come to your house to run a camp once per week.  Pay them $150 per session and buy whatever supplies are needed (if you don't have them already) and expect them to run an active (read: physically exhausting) camp in whatever sport or physical skill they have.  You might have to have a session with them where you sit together and come up with a list of activities and map out their time together (first this for 30 min, then that, then that, etc), but once you get this set up, you'll be golden.

[Farrar]

I don't see this job as being as hard as others are saying. Maybe what I'm envisioning is different, but it's basically show up and play games with three rambunctious boys in the yard for a few hours while the mom is in the house in case of emergencies. I think most high schoolers with kid experience should be totally capable of that. Of course, it takes the right kid to like it enough to do it and do it well, but is this really super nanny, expensive options needed stuff? I mean, really? 

 

I'm not sure how often this person is needed though... for an every day job, yeah, the OP needs to hire a part time nanny or regular sitter. For once or maybe twice a week, I think it's fine to hire a teenager.

[caedmyn]

Yeah, I think people are envisioning a little more than there actually is. I think I could have managed them as a 15 yo...granted, one who had a lot of babysitting experience and expected to be listened to, but still. And we've had actual babysitters for them on occasion, both 20 yo-ish girls with no kids. One had little childcare experience but a take-charge personality, and they were fine. The other has experience but is pretty laid-back. They're fine at her house, though the novelty of a whole bunch of new toys probably helps. I do think an older teen with experience and a firmer approach could manage them. It's just a matter of trying to find the right person. I can think of a 12 yo with several younger siblings right now who would probably be quite capable of it in about 2 years.

[caedmyn]

I need the time to do projects, research stuff, etc. Not household tasks that I could hire someone else to do.

[fairfarmhand]

Could it be that some of the problem is that YOURE there? I mean my kids usually act better for everyone else in the whole world. But if I'm there its back to their normal dynamic. Like when I volunteered in nursery and toddler time, my kids were usually terrible and the teachers would testify that they usually weren't like that. 

 

Especially if the kids are used to taking lots of stuff to you to solve the problem.

 

Have you tried taking your projects to the library or a coffee shop and getting out of the house?

[Isabella]

I've just finished a job similar to what you're describing.  I'd been there for nearly 2 years.  The children were girls, but were very full-on and active.  I was paid $25/hr, and I cooked, cleaned and looked after the children.  The mother was mostly home, but took the time to do outside things. About a quarter of the time, I had the children on my own while the mother went to town for a few hours.  I worked 5hrs each time, and between 2-3 days per week.  The children were much better behaved when Mum was not there, as I could firmly but fairly implement my discipline, which involved not taking any nonsense or backchat.  When mum was there it was different, as the children knew they could cry or scream if they didn't get their way and Mum would come in from outside.  

 

My suggestions would be like some of the others - hire someone older, pay well otherwise you won't have the person for long, get them to do the chores that you want done, go out for a few hours if you need the break.  You'd be surprised what an older person can get done as well as look after the children well while you're not there.

[school17777]

I agree with Fairfarmhand. I think the problem is that you are there. I did not like babysitting when the parents were home. It was very difficult because the kids acted up when they didn't act like that when the parents were gone. I think you should either leave, or have your sitter take the kids to the park during the time you want them to watch the kids.

[Spryte]

You need a part time nanny. A mother's helper isn't going to take on the independence it sounds like you need.

 

A part-time nanny can be only a few hours a week. Or more. The pay will be slightly higher, but it's worth it.

 

I was a part-time nanny for my prof and mentor in college. That was probably 5 hours a week. Plus a bit more - driving to/from symphony and soccer. Later, I was a live-in part-time nanny for another, while she went back to school. She was often home studying, but just because she was in the house, I wouldn't say I was a mother's helper. :) Different expectations. I was in school, too, plus fostering a son at that point, so a lot of the time I was simply available should the need arise, with the exception of several dedicated hours each week. So, part-time nanny doesn't mean a ton of hours. It's more a description of what's being done.

[J-rap]

I wouldn't expect (or want) a babysitter to come up with their own enforcement/consequence strategies, unless I knew them really well and knew without a doubt that we held very similar philosophies.  Plus, it's awkward for the babysitter to be strict when the parent is within earshot.  

 

However, if you could come up with a very clear plan of action (if kids do this, then you should do this), and as long as you made it clear to your children that they couldn't come running to you every time they didn't like the way something was going, I think you could make it work.

 

I don't think I'd list all the "requirements" in the ad.  I'd list the number of children you have though and assume that you'd get people applying then who aren't afraid of the number.  Then I'd rely pretty heavily on the interview.  You'd be looking for someone who is pretty confident and energetic!

 

[Tsuga]

Having worked from home with two kids who are "active, highly creative, and always finding things to do", I empathize.

 

1. Fair farmhand is right. Let the sitter take charge and you leave. If it is housework you need done, have her take them to the park or somewhere to run.

 

2. Your kids might seem active compared to the kids people write about and brag about but I guarantee you it is unlikely that they are the worst a sitter's seen. Focus on the positive and specific: "They respond well to firm boundaries but need specific instruction and need to be told agreed of time about 'what ifs'". "Need someone to help them direct their projects in a positive direction and respect safety rules." These do speak to high energy but also proactive and good parenting.

 

3. Just listing the number will sort them out a bit.

 

4. Demand experience. Four kids, I want someone who has experience babysitting 3+ kids, and three years experience sitting overall. However depending on your location it may be hard to find someone so you need to look closely at the rates. Less time with a higher quality sitter is worth it as their behavior will improve with her.

[Wheres Toto]

 

 

I have no problem paying $10/hr.  But I really only need someone once a week for 3-4 hours, maybe going up to 3-5 days a week for 3ish hours after the baby comes if I can find the right person, so not looking for a nanny.

 

I don't know where you live, and this can vary greatly around the country, but I don't think $10/hour is a fair wage for even just a traditional Mother's Helper to watch 4 children (and the 5th when he/she arrives?), meaning they can come to you with any discipline needs and are really just keeping the kids entertained.  For what you want, you definitely need someone more experienced and definitely pay a lot more.  Running after four active children, keeping them entertained and being solely responsible?  Around here it would be $20 or more.

[caedmyn]

I'm in Montana, and wages are low here in general. I think $10 is a pretty reasonable amount for the area. $20/hr would be crazy...nobody can afford to pay that much. And they wouldn't be watching the baby at all.

[SparklyUnicorn]

You need a part time nanny. A mother's helper isn't going to take on the independence it sounds like you need.

 

A part-time nanny can be only a few hours a week. Or more. The pay will be slightly higher, but it's worth it.

 

I was a part-time nanny for my prof and mentor in college. That was probably 5 hours a week. Plus a bit more - driving to/from symphony and soccer. Later, I was a live-in part-time nanny for another, while she went back to school. She was often home studying, but just because she was in the house, I wouldn't say I was a mother's helper. :) Different expectations. I was in school, too, plus fostering a son at that point, so a lot of the time I was simply available should the need arise, with the exception of several dedicated hours each week. So, part-time nanny doesn't mean a ton of hours. It's more a description of what's being done.

 

This is my thought.  If you are for all practical purposes not available even if home, you need a sitter/nanny and not a helper.