Cell phones and social occasions: WWYD?

[catz]

I suppose it's not a whole lot different than a person knitting the whole time.  it might seem somewhat different, but is it really?  Some people like to do a bunch of things at the same time I guess.

 

Gosh really!?  I taking knitting lots of places with me.  But I actually find it easier to sit and chat with something for my hands to do.  I can't even hardly watch a movie without having some knit or crochet project.  I think I have some ADHD and racing brain tendencies.   I usually wouldn't bring knitting to a dinner party or adult social gathering though.  But something like a football party or hanging out at my mom's or DH's family's I would start stabbing my eyes out after about 2 hours.  LOL.  I often bring knitting waiting for kids or getting together with moms for a coffee or something along those lines.

 

I do consider that different that a person in a casual, personal conversation to the point of laughing at their phone.  People who glance at their phones occasionally don't bother me.  We're certainly guilty of abusing technology over here, but I'm not much of a texter.  I don't casually text with anyone.  I don't have a smart phone.  I do have a wireless smart phone without data but unlimited text and voice.  But more because my kids are out of the house now a bunch and it's super handy. 

 

Anyway - it wouldn't bother me a whole lot, but I probably wouldn't chose to hang out with that person.  And if anyone is put off by my knitting on occasion, they don't have to invite me either.  ;)

[marbel]

Knitting is different.  I am not much of a knitter and don't take it places.  But I know people who can knit while they listen and converse.  It can help them listen because it gives them something to do with their hands but doesn't engage much of their brain.  Kind of like kids messing with legos or coloring while being read to. 

 

One woman I know says she would love to be able to knit in church during the sermon; she knows she could listen much better but of course she would get the looks so she doesn't try it. 

[redsquirrel]

My friend's parents have a sign by there door stating their welcome their grandkids but they want them "fully present" when they visit so all cell phones have to go in a basket in the garage.

 

I have to ask my friend if she and her dh are exempt from this....likely they are as she is a doctor and he is a pastor so more likely to have a real NEED to be contacted.

 

When I go away with dh I try to leave my phone behind or off and tell our respite provider etc to call dh phone or the house phone of where we will be, etc.

 

I try to leave my phone in the car when I walk with my friend mentioned above. We walk on her lunch break and I figure that life will go on if people can't reach me for an hour. She occ. Does have to take her phone if she is waiting on stat lab tests, a specialist, etc and I totally understand that.

 

Right now we have a suicidal teen so then I do have my phone on me more.

 

That made me lol.  My ILs would much prefer the grandchildren were quietly looking at a screen of any kind and not interrupting the adults, or really drawing attention to their existence in any way. The children are expected to answer the obvious questions such as 'how is school" and 'what grade are you in now' and then they are dismissed. My MIL is pretty clear that she doesn't find children and their conversation interesting.  I was actually relieved when my kids got devices and could be kept entertained when we visit. My ILs don't have toys and their entire house is a 'don't touch that' zone. Screens and books fill the time there, and that is fine with me.

 

My mom, OTOH, is just as likely to play a game on her iphone with the grandkids. She likes connecting with them in that way. Her hearing isn't great, TBH, and doing something like that is a lot of fun to her. I wish I could convince her to get a hearing aid.

[Janeway]

When someone does this..I will ask them what they are talking about. In the case where they are being rude, like this young man, I would say "what is so funny?" when they laugh and I would ask questions about their conversation on the phone. And, if I am speaking to them directly, I would repeat myself if they looked at their phone during the sentence and even say "do you need a minute first?" and that sort of thing. Basically, making it clear that we all notice what he is doing.

[Professormom]

It is, indeed, rude.

 

However, even in your own home, you would not be able to actually correct another adult. You could distract him though with pointed conversation. Or you could all stare at him quietly until he realized that there was no sound in the room, and possibly he'd look up and be abashed, realizing he had behaved badly.

This. It is rude. It just is.

 

If you can't stay off the phone, don't go. If you go, even if it is just for your wife, you suck it up and engage. Or at least don't do the *opposite* of engaging. Checking the phone once in a while is very different from engaging primarily with the phone. If you have to take a call, a quick explanation like Tara mentioned is easy and appropriate.

 

My snarky inner voice wants to ask the phone-tethered if they would share what was so funny with the entire class :D

 

I don't give in to temptation though. I will stop talking and wait though. This works best when you are one on one with someone. They will look up and wonder why you stopped talking. I simply say, with a smile, "Just giving you time to finish what you are working on." If they tell me to go on, I just say no, I'll wait. With the right inflection, they would have to be pretty thick of they didn't pick up the message.

 

If you are in a group, it only works if everyone picks up on what you are doing.

[Pen]

And what would Miss Manners say?

[SparklyUnicorn]

Gosh really!?  I taking knitting lots of places with me.  But I actually find it easier to sit and chat with something for my hands to do.  I can't even hardly watch a movie without having some knit or crochet project.  I think I have some ADHD and racing brain tendencies.   I usually wouldn't bring knitting to a dinner party or adult social gathering though.  But something like a football party or hanging out at my mom's or DH's family's I would start stabbing my eyes out after about 2 hours.  LOL.  I often bring knitting waiting for kids or getting together with moms for a coffee or something along those lines.

 

I do consider that different that a person in a casual, personal conversation to the point of laughing at their phone.  People who glance at their phones occasionally don't bother me.  We're certainly guilty of abusing technology over here, but I'm not much of a texter.  I don't casually text with anyone.  I don't have a smart phone.  I do have a wireless smart phone without data but unlimited text and voice.  But more because my kids are out of the house now a bunch and it's super handy. 

 

Anyway - it wouldn't bother me a whole lot, but I probably wouldn't chose to hang out with that person.  And if anyone is put off by my knitting on occasion, they don't have to invite me either.  ;)

 

I don't know. Some people do seem to be able to play around on their phone at the same time.

 

Not me.  I can't pull that off.  LOL  But I can't pull of knitting and talking at the same time either.

 

 

[Carol in Cal.]

I suppose it's not a whole lot different than a person knitting the whole time.  it might seem somewhat different, but is it really?  Some people like to do a bunch of things at the same time I guess.

Well, there's mindless knitting, which is just something to do with your hands while you converse and interact with people, and which often becomes a conversation starter.  That's not on any level comparable with this.  You can even look other people in the eyes while you do that.

 

The kind of knitting that might be rude is where you have your pattern out and stare fiercely from the pattern to your knitting and back again, counting under your breath, occasionally swearing as well. 

 

It's important to get these STRAIGHT. 

 

:)

[redsquirrel]

Well, I knit at church and after church and if that is any indication, people have NO problem talking to me while I am knitting. I clearly do not give off 'don't talk to me vibes' no matter what I am doing. In fact, I give off 'Hey, she can't get away so let's go try to engage her in something she wants no part of' vibes.  But, if I am texting with dh (trying to find out where he is and if he picked up the kids from RE) then no one will talk to me. I have even fake texted him to avoid people.

[Danestress]

To me, it's rude. But it is not my job or desire to correct others who are beng rude. I can remember and not invite that person again, but I probably would not confront him if he were over the age of 14. The world is full of people who don't agree with me. I learned a rules from some wise woman on this board that you never correct someone unless someone else's honor is at stake. That he been a good rule for me.

 

Let it go. He probably isn't going to have a place in your 'mandatory invite' list, and that is ok,

[SKL]

I agree that knitting is a conversation starter.  My SIL does this.  She isn't gregarious, but she will engage when someone asks her questions etc.  And when people run out of ideas for conversation because she isn't one to offer any, she can knit and look happy instead of looking miserable and left out.  :)

 

I don't think it's comparable to texting, because your knitting doesn't talk back - or send you secret notes in front of everyone.

 

I hope that eventually social media educates that generation and all later ones that they are being idiots when they behave this way in a "social" situation.  I think most people would stop it if they knew it was rude.

 

I find social gatherings really painful, but if I feel I should attend one, then by golly I will attend.  I may not be good at glad-handing, but I will do my best to smile and nod and answer and try to hold up my end until it is polite to leave.  It's important, whether we like it or not.

[Ellie]

And what would Miss Manners say?

 

I like to think she would say what I did. ;-)

[Joker]

I don't know that it's not that comparable to knitting, reading, or any other activity. For one, do you know for sure the person was texting? Maybe they were just playing on their phone (games, social media, etc.) because they were left out. Not everyone typing or looking engrossed in their phone is texting. I rarely text but have used my phone before when feeling left out, uncomfortable, or bored. I'm usually just reading. 

 

I'm not one to jump to it automatically being rude because I wasn't there. Maybe he wasn't using the phone in the beginning but no one was paying any attention to him. Maybe he became bored with the conversation going on. Maybe he didn't want to be there to start with and tried to make the best of it. I don't think it's automatically rude. 

 

Also, did anyone try to engage him in an interesting conversation? Maybe he went home and talked with his wife about how no one noticed because no one actually talked with him. If I'm in a group and everyone just expects me to jump in, that probably won't happen. I would have to know them well and be very comfortable. 

 

I wouldn't correct an adult. If another adult felt a need to admonish or correct me, I would choose to not hang out with them in the future. It's bad manners.  ;)

[Reefgazer]

I flat-out would not invite the person over to a group gathering again.  No explanation, either.  In fact, this did happen to myself and my friends when one of our friends decided her cell phone trumped engaging with us.  She just isn't invited anymore; we don't even let on that we are getting together. 

My dh and I were recently at a dinner, hosted by a friend at a restaurant.  There were 6 people present, 4 of them couples, a whole mix of ages (25-55).  One young man, around 28, was texting on his cell phone almost the entire time.  Occasionally he'd look up and engage with the group, but he was clearly more involved with his cell phone conversation(s), and I don't think it was anything serious because sometimes he'd laugh a little to himself while typing his text, etc.  Now, the atmosphere was kind of casual, it was an out-door patio restaurant and there was a lot of noise and some people arrived later or left earlier than others.  But still, it was a meal we were sharing together and I guess I just felt like it was rude.

 

No one said anything, and I didn't know this young man well so of course didn't say anything.  He wife seemed a little irritated by it, and I know one other person felt uncomfortable about it too.

 

It got me thinking...  if I had been hosting it myself, maybe in my own home, what would I do?  Is it different being in a restaurant?  If it were in my own home, I think I'd maybe lightheartedly chide him, like "Okay, all cell phones away!"  Or would it be better to just very pointedly engage him in conversation, as a distraction?  Or do you just let it be?  After all, adults are adults.  

 

Actually, now it got me thinking about a visit we had just yesterday in our home!  It was a couple we see a handful of times a year.  They were in town for an errand, so stopped by our house for an hour.  We were all sitting together talking.  The husband had his cellphone in his hand the entire time, sometimes looking at it, sometimes texting, clearly distracted.  It just seemed kind of weird.  Is this normal now?  If it were something important, and if he told us that, it would have been understandable.  But instead it just felt like he wasn't really into the visit.

 

[heartlikealion]

My sister dated a guy that came to visit and he was on his phone a lot. At some point she told me why... I cannot remember if it was social anxiety or what. But it made it seem less rude I guess?

 

Typically I think it's rude. I also tend to think it means the person doing it is bored or irritated and doesn't want to be there.

[pehp]

I think it is extremely rude. We had a pastoral candidate spend the night with us and he did the same thing. My husband was appalled. Unless there is an emergency, there is no reason to be constantly texting in a social situation. You effectively say to your dinner companions "I would rather be elsewhere."

 

I would never correct a person on this, but I also would not invite them back. What's the point...clearly they're not engaged!

[SKL]

I don't know that it's not that comparable to knitting, reading, or any other activity. For one, do you know for sure the person was texting? Maybe they were just playing on their phone (games, social media, etc.) because they were left out. Not everyone typing or looking engrossed in their phone is texting. I rarely text but have used my phone before when feeling left out, uncomfortable, or bored. I'm usually just reading. 

 

I'm not one to jump to it automatically being rude because I wasn't there. Maybe he wasn't using the phone in the beginning but no one was paying any attention to him. Maybe he became bored with the conversation going on. Maybe he didn't want to be there to start with and tried to make the best of it. I don't think it's automatically rude. 

 

Also, did anyone try to engage him in an interesting conversation? Maybe he went home and talked with his wife about how no one noticed because no one actually talked with him. If I'm in a group and everyone just expects me to jump in, that probably won't happen. I would have to know them well and be very comfortable. 

 

 

The thing is, in a group situation you are supposed to participate.  You don't get to decide the event isn't quite exciting enough for you so you are going to do something else right there in the middle of things.  That is simply not a polite option.  I have had times when I was so uncomfortable that I quietly made my way to the restroom or took a walk elsewhere for a while, but checking out right there in the middle of the group is just wrong.  If you have an emergency, you apologize ["sorry, I have to take this call"], walk away, and do what you need to do.

 

Being able to act present in a group event is an important life skill.  If it's hard for some of us, we need to practice it and maybe seek advice for how to live through it.  I've been there, believe me.

[kewb]

I think it is rude and I don't like it.  However, this person is an adult, not my child.  Therefore I would keep my opinions to myself.  WE do soemtimes make the rule when we are as a group that all cell phones go face down on the table.  First person to respond to a text/call that is not from child/sitter pays the bill.

[Bluegoat]

The thing is, in a group situation you are supposed to participate.  You don't get to decide the event isn't quite exciting enough for you so you are going to do something else right there in the middle of things.  That is simply not a polite option.  I have had times when I was so uncomfortable that I quietly made my way to the restroom or took a walk elsewhere for a while, but checking out right there in the middle of the group is just wrong.  If you have an emergency, you apologize ["sorry, I have to take this call"], walk away, and do what you need to do.

 

Being able to act present in a group event is an important life skill.  If it's hard for some of us, we need to practice it and maybe seek advice for how to live through it.  I've been there, believe me.

 

Yes!

 

I am a very introverted person, I find parties and such with people I don't know really stressful.  I am not great at small-talk.  I have taken a break by hiding in a bathroom.

 

I would never in a million years ignore people and do something else right in front of them.  That is just like saying "yeah, you aren't interesting to me, you are not worth my time and effort."

 

That is just not a way to treat people.

 

I don't consider knitting to necessarily be the same - for me it would be, but many people can knit and participate socially with no problem.  It might not be the thing at a resteraunt, but at a casual house party it would not be so out of place.  THough I would probably only do it in a crowd I knew.

 

Reading at a table at a social dinner event would be rude.

[Snickerdoodle]

Wouldn't and doesn't bother me at all (as in has happened to me).

[Arcadia]

Reading at a table at a social dinner event would be rude.

Kids read at the table sometimes for chinese wedding dinners which are 3 to 4 hrs long typically. For adults only social, I guess it would be considered rude though I have seen many sit at their allocated seat and read the dailies before the event start.

[Bluegoat]

Kids read at the table sometimes for chinese wedding dinners which are 3 to 4 hrs long typically. For adults only social, I guess it would be considered rude though I have seen many sit at their allocated seat and read the dailies before the event start.

 

I think people have quite different expectations of kids at events, especially if they are largely adult events.  And i don't have real issues with, say, reading at the dinner table at home, from time to time.  Though if that was the main time of day I say my family, it would be different.

 

But reading at a table in a resteraunt while having a social dinner would be pretty odd.  I don't think most people would be able to miss that it would be inappropriate, it would just feel wrong.  So I am not sure why reading messages on a phone would seem ok to the same people.

[Joker]

The thing is, in a group situation you are supposed to participate. You don't get to decide the event isn't quite exciting enough for you so you are going to do something else right there in the middle of things. That is simply not a polite option. I have had times when I was so uncomfortable that I quietly made my way to the restroom or took a walk elsewhere for a while, but checking out right there in the middle of the group is just wrong. If you have an emergency, you apologize ["sorry, I have to take this call"], walk away, and do what you need to do.

 

Being able to act present in a group event is an important life skill. If it's hard for some of us, we need to practice it and maybe seek advice for how to live through it. I've been there, believe me.

I guess I just highly doubt this is a life skill this man hasn't learned. He decided this event didn't warrant it though. It sounds from the OP that it was very causal, outdoors, and he most likely tagged along with his spouse.

 

I would think nothing of him, in the setting described by OP, playing around on his phone. I don't see it as that big of a deal.

Edited April 5, 2016 by Joker

[Carol in Cal.]

I guess I just highly doubt this is a life skill this man hasn't learned. He decided this event didn't warrant it though.

Which makes him rude.  End of story.

[Joker]

Which makes him rude. End of story.

Not really. It makes him rude to you. It doesn't make him rude to me, though. I honesty don't think I would have thought twice about it as described by the OP.

[heartlikealion]

First time I went to this one meetup a woman was knitting or crocheting at the table. At first I thought it was kind of rude, but it didn't stop her from interacting with people. I started seeing her more, usually with her knitting stuff, and it became normal to me. She's one of my favorite people in the group. In certain settings I would consider cross-stitching and conversing (like in my own home or visiting my parents) but I wouldn't bring it to a dinner. So I guess there might be a fuzzy area where something seems more or less acceptable.

 

If I saw someone using the phone in that dining out scenario I would probably (maybe wrongly) think they are bored or would rather be somewhere else. I might even think they are just addicted to something.

 

My sister once dated a guy that she brought over to meet the family. There were times he was on his phone instead of interacting with anyone and it seemed a little rude. I didn't say anything, but she told me that he did it for some reason... social anxiety or such? I don't remember but it made it seem less rude I guess.

[Bluegoat]

Not really. It makes him rude to you. It doesn't make him rude to me, though. I honesty don't think I would have thought twice about it as described by the OP.

 

I think it is an almost universal point of etiquette that you do not ingore people in a social setting, and that you do not speak privately/secretly with one person in a social group while everyone is there.  It may not bother you personally, but it is about the most basic and universal etiquette for social interactions. 

[SKL]

If he was aware of the general etiquette rule he was breaking, then I would go one further and say he was being kind of abusive to his wife, by pointedly insulting the people she was trying to be social with.  Basically he gave her friends the finger, knowing it would mortify her.  I would rather assume he was just clueless.

[heartlikealion]

I wonder if his wife made a big stink about him coming and he figured if he acted poorly she wouldn't insist he come next time. Kinda like in Duck Dynasty when the men do a horrible job decorating the tree just so the women will take over. Mind games. Mind games I tell you.

Edited April 5, 2016 by heartlikealion

[hornblower]

I really think Mr Darcy would have been on his phone all the time, if they'd had them then. 

[Bluegoat]

I really think Mr Darcy would have been on his phone all the time, if they'd had them then. 

 

I think you are right.  And we all know that he was a snotty-pants.

[redsquirrel]

And what would Miss Manners say?

 

I can't imagine that Ms Manners would ever say that publicly calling someone out or shaming them or making a witty yet withering statement is the correct thing to do. It may make you feel better in the moment, but two wrongs don't make a right. My guess is that it rates a big MYOB and save your eye rolling for the ride home.

[Arcadia]

For the first scenario, if a mutual friend invites a couple for a dinner gathering with other couples, could a spouse who doesn't wish to go not show up? Or would that be impolite?

[redsquirrel]

For the first scenario, if a mutual friend invites a couple for a dinner gathering with other couples, could a spouse who doesn't wish to go not show up? Or would that be impolite?

 

I think that might be between the couple in question, right? I don't think there is any one way to answer that without being a person in the couple in question. And it would vary by event and location and just so many things, that I think it is impossible to do anything but speculate badly.

 

Can a member of the couple make up an excuse for their partner? Of course. Will everyone do that? No.

 

Could it be impolite? Again, that depends on circumstance etc. or if it has happened a hundred times before and it's starting to get uncomfortable, right?

 

It's just impossible to answer properly for another couple

Edited April 5, 2016 by redsquirrel

[Bluegoat]

For the first scenario, if a mutual friend invites a couple for a dinner gathering with other couples, could a spouse who doesn't wish to go not show up? Or would that be impolite?

 

I think they could bow out ahead, sure.  You would probably not want to say "J would rather watch paint dry than talk to you people" but you would just say "J isn't available."  If you were close, maybe "these social things are just not J's thing, they make him anxious."  And, people should not read to much into it or press for details, or they are being rude.

 

But then there is the between the spouse issue which is really private between them.  I think sometimes most people probably do participate in social things for their spouse's benefit.

Edited April 5, 2016 by Bluegoat

[Carol in Cal.]

I really think Mr Darcy would have been on his phone all the time, if they'd had them then. 

Na, he would have been going around drily remarking how much more pleasurable texting would be than the obligatory polite conversations with young women being thrown at him.

[Arcadia]

I have a 21 year old nephew who would draw on a small unlined notepad if no one is talking to him at a lunch/dinner meet since he was three. He just feels awkward looking at people talking and he is not a conversation starter. He does have a smartphone but he prefers drawing. I guess everyone at the same table could see what he was sketching and no one we know had commented that it was rude.

 

You would probably not want to say "J would rather watch paint dry than talk to you people" but you would just say "J isn't available." If you were close, maybe "these social things are just not J's thing, they make him anxious." And, people should not read to much into it or press for details, or they are being rude.

My hubby is sociable but not social. Sometimes it gets awkward when the host politely ask a couple of times for the guest to name an alternative date and time. With close friends it is a lot easier to say hubby's won't be interested in attending a lunch meetup. He won't be on his cellphone though if he choose to turn up. He is used to sitting there doing nothing after he is done slowly eating his meal and people are still chatting.

[SparklyUnicorn]

I have a 21 year old nephew who would draw on a small unlined notepad if no one is talking to him at a lunch/dinner meet since he was three. He just feels awkward looking at people talking and he is not a conversation starter. He does have a smartphone but he prefers drawing. I guess everyone at the same table could see what he was sketching and no one we know had commented that it was rude.

 

 

My hubby is sociable but not social. Sometimes it gets awkward when the host politely ask a couple of times for the guest to name an alternative date and time. With close friends it is a lot easier to say hubby's won't be interested in attending a lunch meetup. He won't be on his cellphone though if he choose to turn up. He is used to sitting there doing nothing after he is done slowly eating his meal and people are still chatting.

 

See and this is why I bring up the knitting thing.  I've been in situations where everyone was doing something.  Knitting or some sort of similar thing.  I don't know how to knit.  So I wondered if I played sudoku on my Kindle if that would be rude.  Probably.  So I didn't.  But then really how is that different?  I just don't seem to know any socially acceptable distractions.  LOL

[Bluegoat]

See and this is why I bring up the knitting thing.  I've been in situations where everyone was doing something.  Knitting or some sort of similar thing.  I don't know how to knit.  So I wondered if I played sudoku on my Kindle if that would be rude.  Probably.  So I didn't.  But then really how is that different?  I just don't seem to know any socially acceptable distractions.  LOL

 

I think there are probably two principles:

 

The first is, can you do the thing and still be engaged in what is going on around you?  Doodlers, for example, usually can, good knitters can.  In a more casual environment, maybe a puzzle would work but usually it does involve more brain power.  I would say, if you can involve others naturally in doing the puzzle, then it is probably ok (like working on cross-word clues together.)

 

The second thing is are you cutting the group in preference to engaging with someone else?  In the case of texting, that is like having a whispered conversation that others aren't privy too.  Maybe you are telling the person about what bores they all are.  That is seen as impolite if you do it with a person who is there, and with texting it is the same kind of rudeness.

[SparklyUnicorn]

I think there are probably two principles:

 

The first is, can you do the thing and still be engaged in what is going on around you?  Doodlers, for example, usually can, good knitters can.  In a more casual environment, maybe a puzzle would work but usually it does involve more brain power.  I would say, if you can involve others naturally in doing the puzzle, then it is probably ok (like working on cross-word clues together.)

 

The second thing is are you cutting the group in preference to engaging with someone else?  In the case of texting, that is like having a whispered conversation that others aren't privy too.  Maybe you are telling the person about what bores they all are.  That is seen as impolite if you do it with a person who is there, and with texting it is the same kind of rudeness.

 

I can manage soduku at the same time.  But then what...is the burden of proof on me for that?  I couldn't manage knitting at the same time.  People would probably let me get away with it though.

 

My thought though is if someone would rather just play on their phone...then stay home and play your phone. 

[Lanny]

Pet peeve here.  My wife made a drawing of something I would like to have made on something permanent and put it on both doorways into the Dining Room.  No cell phones allowed.  Last week, I went with my Stepson to the "E.R." for his obligatory health plan, to be sure his ankle was only sprained and not broken.  After sitting there waiting for an hour or two, I turned to the wall on my left and there was a sign, in Spanish, that read something like this: "Dear User: Please do not use your cell phone during your appointment".  I wish that I had taken a photo of that sign.  I cannot imagine people doing that, but apparently enough patients have done that they had the sign made.   

[Arcadia]

After sitting there waiting for an hour or two, I turned to the wall on my left and there was a sign, in Spanish, that read something like this: "Dear User: Please do not use your cell phone during your appointment". I wish that I had taken a photo of that sign.

I used to be a frequent visitor to ER and ICU. I had a cellphone since 1991. There are no cellphone zones in the hospitals. The signs in links below are common

http://sites.psu.edu/siowfa15/wp-content/uploads/sites/29639/2015/10/Cell_Phones_Hospital_fs.jpg

http://images.mydoorsign.com/img/lg/S/no-cellphones-office-courtesy-sign-s-5266.png

[redsquirrel]

Pet peeve here.  My wife made a drawing of something I would like to have made on something permanent and put it on both doorways into the Dining Room.  No cell phones allowed.  Last week, I went with my Stepson to the "E.R." for his obligatory health plan, to be sure his ankle was only sprained and not broken.  After sitting there waiting for an hour or two, I turned to the wall on my left and there was a sign, in Spanish, that read something like this: "Dear User: Please do not use your cell phone during your appointment".  I wish that I had taken a photo of that sign.  I cannot imagine people doing that, but apparently enough patients have done that they had the sign made.   

 

I've seen that in a lot of hospitals for a long time.  Some hospitals don't want cameras out and used in case there are liability issues. Our local hospital does not allow recording of births for that reason. That has been their policy for quite a long time. And there are also privacy issues. When my son was in the NICU I wasn't allowed to take pictures without asking permission because I might get another child in the nursery in my picture. That would be a serious violation of confidentiality. If I wanted a picture I had to let my child's attending nurse know and she had to make sure that I wasn't getting any other babies in the shot. It wasn't ever a big deal and the nurses were so nice and often offered to take pictures of us with our baby. But I did have to ask.

 

And yes, some people prob do use their phones during an appointment. So, some of it is to stem that behaviour, but some of it is also CYA for the hospital

[hornblower]

I used to be a frequent visitor to ER and ICU. I had a cellphone since 1991. There are no cellphone zones in the hospitals. The signs in links below are common

http://sites.psu.edu/siowfa15/wp-content/uploads/sites/29639/2015/10/Cell_Phones_Hospital_fs.jpg

http://images.mydoorsign.com/img/lg/S/no-cellphones-office-courtesy-sign-s-5266.png

That's no longer considered as big a deal as evidence shows there is little interference with most equipment.

Many nurses, physicians and other members of the health care team have phones with them. 

 

http://www.bbc.com/future/story/20130513-can-you-use-phones-in-hospitals

[marbel]

For the first scenario, if a mutual friend invites a couple for a dinner gathering with other couples, could a spouse who doesn't wish to go not show up? Or would that be impolite?

 

My husband and I sometimes go to social events alone even if both are invited.

 

Once a year a friend of his has a beer tasting kind of thing.  It's a big event with a catered dinner.  I went twice and hated it.  I know some of the people there superficially, but most of them know each other very well so it's hard for me to break in to conversations.  So, my husband goes alone.  No big deal.

 

On occasion a homeschooling friend will invite people over for a backyard bbq.  He tends to decline those because the husbands stand around talking about local sports and he can't contribute to (or care about) such conversations. 

 

We just say the other couldn't make it and sends their apologies.  

 

I wish I could skip his work Christmas dinner.  So hard for me.  But that is one event I wouldn't think of backing out of unless there was serious illness, either me or one of the kids.

 

ETA: I made it sound like the other spouse just wouldn't show up to the thing and the hosts may have been expecting them.  Of course if it's not a super casual thing, and a response is needed, the attending spouse will send regrets of the nonattender at the time they respond to the invitation. 

Edited April 6, 2016 by marbel

[momacacia]

I suppose it's not a whole lot different than a person knitting the whole time. it might seem somewhat different, but is it really? Some people like to do a bunch of things at the same time I guess.

I'm not a knitter, but my oldest is and she can clearly knit and follow along with read alouds and discussions while knitting. I'm a pretty good multi-tasker and I can't text and follow a live conversation or readings while texting.

[Bluegoat]

I can manage soduku at the same time.  But then what...is the burden of proof on me for that?  I couldn't manage knitting at the same time.  People would probably let me get away with it though.

 

My thought though is if someone would rather just play on their phone...then stay home and play your phone. 

 

I think I would think anything like knitting or a puzzle was weird at a table eating out.  But generally, if you could converse, I think its ok.  If you were obviously checked out, a little rude.  If you are laughing like the guy in the OP, really rude.

[ThisIsTheDay]

I can manage soduku at the same time.  But then what...is the burden of proof on me for that?  I couldn't manage knitting at the same time.  People would probably let me get away with it though.

 

My thought though is if someone would rather just play on their phone...then stay home and play your phone. 

 

Now, I know I could never manage Sudoku at the same time.  I'd be wanting to make that top ten time, beating my earlier records, lol.  ;)

 

[SparklyUnicorn]

Now, I know I could never manage Sudoku at the same time.  I'd be wanting to make that top ten time, beating my earlier records, lol.  ;)

 

 

Oh funny.  I never care about my time.  I like to see what I can do in terms of difficulty level.  Thing with time is I might be doing that in between something else.

[heartlikealion]

I'd pretty much rather talk to anyone doing something that is engaged with me than someone that has hands free but is in la la land or mind elsewhere. I think some people close to me in my life have ADHD and while it may not be something they can control, I find it exhausting to converse with them at times.