What are you best stress reducing techniques?

[Loowit]

I have had a lot of stress in my life lately, and things really kind of came crashing down last night.  It wasn't a huge thing, but just the straw that broke the camels back.  Now it is 4 am and I have slept maybe 2 hours.  My stomach is in knots and I can't get my mind to stop going over situations that are agitating me.  I am at the point I want to sell the house, pack up, and move away.  I have never felt that way in my life.  I love the area I live in, but there are a person in my life that is just toxic.  I didn't realize how much until last night.  This is not a person I am close to really, but they are spreading rumors about my DD and it is really bothering me a lot.  For the most part, it isn't a huge deal, my DD has a great reputation and has many supporters, but this person has it in for her and is making her a scapegoat in problems that existed long before my DD became involved in the group.  The mommy bear in me just doesn't want to let it go, but the logical part of me says I need to just forget about it and move on.  DD is going to be quitting the group, but it will potentially mean losing friends which will be hard for her.

 

So what are your best methods for getting troubling thoughts to go away so you can relax and sleep?

[creekland]

:grouphug:  I need to get involved in something else that distracts me.  I tend to do this best in the great outdoors (working with our critters) or at school where my mind is more or less forced to do something else.

 

BUT, I also do reasonably well letting my mind work on things that bug me and coming up with solutions.  Obviously, this one only works when there is a solution or path toward one.  When there isn't, I allow myself a day or two or three to feel bummed knowing full well that given that time, it won't seem quite so annoying afterward.  I guess that's part of a "Time Heals All Wounds" bit.

 

In the end you just come to terms with the knowledge that you aren't Grand Pumba of the Universe and have to deal with things, so might as well deal with them.

 

In your situation... have you talked with this person and asked them why they think what they do and presented facts supporting your side?  I'd probably head that route first.  I'd also take a witness with me if possible.  

 

Pending how that works out, then avoidance (and waiting for time to smooth out the wounds) would be my next choice.  Steaming is totally natural.  I'd allow time for that and schedule some perks for myself (foods, activities) I enjoy.  When those steaming thoughts keep popping up I'd review my plan for the future - avoidance - and what I've done (conversation), giving myself kudos for doing the best I could while wondering about the future of the world.  Meanwhile I'd get involved with something different to start moving my brain on.

 

If you're looking for a quick fix, I don't think those exist... even alcohol's "fix" is temporary.  The brain needs time to grieve what's been lost before it will move on.

[Night Elf]

I've been up in the middle of the night like that. I take a hot bath and read. For other times, I have guided meditations on my iphone. When my anxiety hits, I have to find other ways to busy my mind. I listen to music that I can sing along with, or watch a good show on tv, or play a computer game. See if there is a way for your dd to hold onto friends even if she leaves the group. Invite them to do something together?

[Joules]

Meditation, if I can manage.  If I can not quiet my mind, paper and pencil puzzles: crosswords, sudoku, etc.  Something really difficult so my mind is involved helps.  NYT or KrazyDad's math puzzles are the best for me.

[plansrme]

I remember hearing an anecdote (who knows if it was true or not) involving some famous preacher of the past--Moody or Spurgeon, someone like that who, when confronted with the thousand things he had to do that day said, "I'm going to be so busy today that I need to spend an extra hour in prayer."  Not that you have to pray (though it couldn't hurt!), but I've applied a version of that a lot recently:  the busier and more stressed I am about other people's issues, the more I need to fuel my own emotional or spiritual peace.  For me, that frequently means walking for five miles in the morning while my daughter is in swim practice, or going on a trail run with my dog or having my nails done.  Then I am emotionally fueled and ready to attend to everyone else, and I'm in a better place to serve my family because I have invested in something that makes ME stronger.  So, I guess that's my advice:  secure your own oxygen mask first.

 

ETA:  The other thing I do when things out of my control are causing me stress is to organize something; throwing away stuff is cathartic for me, so I pick a drawer or a closet or the garage, and I throw away stuff until it is clean.  It must make me feel in control, even if my power only extends to outgrown clothing!

Edited December 11, 2015 by plansrme

[Mom25girls]

LOVE these ideas and thanks for asking. Very timely for me personally. Hoping that your life gets less stressful. Oh..my best stress reliever is watching the movie Elf. Please don't  judge me. 

[Annie G]

What works for me is to walk and vent.  Walking quickly, and with someone who will let me vent a while then redirects me, then lets me vent again before we're done.  Not someone who is going to try to fix my problem or give me advice..just someone who lets me get it out of my system. Because that's what keeps me awake when I'm stressed- I need to get it out of my system.  I am fortunate that this works for dh also so we're walking/venting buddies, and I also have a couple of good friends I can call on also.  

 

When the weather is good, I also ride my bike on a trail (so I can ride and think and not worry about getting hit by a car) and go for a very long ride.  That's for the serious stress, as I ride far enough to cross into another state. g

 

:grouphug:

[kroe1]

Running

[AnniePoo]

Hard exercise.

[happi duck]

(hugs) op!

 

Well I know something that doesn't work: last night I sat in the car alone and sobbed...it didn't help.

 

I don't remember to do this in the moment, like last night, but when I do remember this helps:

Stopping and paying attention to my senses and what is around me right then: 5 things you can see, 4 touch, 3 hear, 2 smell, 1 taste (or I do 1 thing I'm thankful for).

 

That technique has a name but I can't remember it.

 

Like others I also play games/puzzles to occupy my brain until I get sleepy.

[Susan in TN]

(((loowit)))

 

I am in a somewhat similar situation and we will be getting out of the environment before too long, but I understand the struggle. Sometimes it takes a while to be at peace with a difficult situation - especially considering the positive things that will be left behind. Keep reminding yourself that adjustments can be made, there will be some grieving, and eventually you and dd will find yourselves in a much better place emotionally.

[gardenmom5]

yoga and mega doses of b-vitamins. (your body uses more when you're stressed.  I use emerald laboratories b-healthy. I noticed a difference within 10 days after I started taking them.  and I'd been taking a mid-level decent brand for years before that.)

[bettyandbob]

Hard physical exercise. Doing cardio intervals ( running, swimming, on gym equipment, spinning class etc) gets there.

[trulycrabby]

Hard physical exercise and yoga. I hope things work out for your dd. It is just gut-wrenching when gossip affects your loved ones. :grouphug:

[freesia]

yoga My fav DVD:http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00006FMB2?keywords=yoga%20crunch&qid=1449852135&ref_=sr_1_3&sr=8-3

 

mysteries

 

essential oil in diffuser: http://www.amazon.com/Tranquil-Synergy-Essential-Undiluted-Therapeutic/dp/B005VSXU30/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1449852193&sr=8-1&keywords=plant+therapy+tranquil

 

chammomile tea: VERY strong

 

warm bath with lavendar

 

During a very stressful period last year I used all of the abover

 

This year I have added an accupressure mat and it seems to be useful.

[lllll]

nm

Edited December 15, 2015 by w11

[Loowit]

Thanks all.  I finally got cold and went back to bed.  I read some Psalms for a while and then finally got some sleep.

 

DH is going to be talking to the person at the center of the controversy tonight, hopefully.  He is closer to the situation than I am and is much calmer and able to handle his emotions.  I just feel so sad for DD.  This is a group/activity she has been dreaming of doing for years and years and it has been a bad experience for her.  But she has made some wonderful friends.  If it weren't for the adults everything would be going great.

[freesia]

Thanks all.  I finally got cold and went back to bed.  I read some Psalms for a while and then finally got some sleep.

 

DH is going to be talking to the person at the center of the controversy tonight, hopefully.  He is closer to the situation than I am and is much calmer and able to handle his emotions.  I just feel so sad for DD.  This is a group/activity she has been dreaming of doing for years and years and it has been a bad experience for her.  But she has made some wonderful friends.  If it weren't for the adults everything would be going great.

Sorry! We had to leave the activity that was causing me so much stress. It was absolutely the best decision for me and our family BUT very hard for 3 of my children--truly a sacrifice. I get it. If it helps, even though they miss the activity, they are not heartbroken. Life has gone on and everyone is pretty happy (particularly as Mom is much, much happier).

 

And yes, it was the adults not the children.

 

Edited to remove some personal info that I don't want "out there"

Edited December 11, 2015 by freesia

[SKL]

Usually, doing something constructive.  Not necessarily the thing that will fix the problem, but something to keep my mind from gravitating toward the dark side.

 

If I can't actually get up and do something (like I really really need to sleep), it helps to plan out something positive I'm planning to do.

 

I can also willfully fog up my brain if all else fails.

 

In the longer term, I feel a lot better when I get a chance to walk about an hour a day.  (Which hasn't been happening lately!)  Yoga also helps me.

[TammyS]

I know this might sound weird, but have you ever read "Boundaries"?  I think you need boundaries for yourself, for your mind.  You are stressed because you are involving yourself in that which is not yours.  You are worrying about other people's speech, you are worrying about other people's perceptions.  You can't control any of that, it's not your place.  You are stressed because you desire to control things that you cannot. 

 

What you can do is firmly put yourself in your place and live your life happily (and I wouldn't be quitting the group if the only reason you are quitting is because of someone saying something nasty).  Don't change one thing based on someone shooting their mouth off. In fact, pretend like you don't even know about it.  If someone is interested, force them to bring it up and explain it themselves.  I'm willing to bet most won't, probably none will.

 

And if makes you feel any better, here's what happens with nasty rumor-mongers in the long run.....eventually they end up looking like asses because people can SEE that they are full of crap. 

[MercyA]

Prayer, wine, a good novel, reality tv.

 

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

[Rachel]

Running and hiking are my big stress relievers. In the middle of the night if I can't sleep it may be reading my bible. When I was going through a particularly stressful time and my nephew was in ICU, I'd just wash dishes or clean house in the middle of the night while singing and praying. It sounds cheesy but it brought me a lot of comfort and I couldn't sleep anyway.

[Chalex]

Diary.  Even if you burn what you wrote.  Just getting it out on paper--every little thing that is bugging you, can be a release. 

 

 

Edited December 12, 2015 by Chalex

[MerryAtHope]

Thanks all.  I finally got cold and went back to bed.  I read some Psalms for a while and then finally got some sleep.

 

DH is going to be talking to the person at the center of the controversy tonight, hopefully.  He is closer to the situation than I am and is much calmer and able to handle his emotions.  I just feel so sad for DD.  This is a group/activity she has been dreaming of doing for years and years and it has been a bad experience for her.  But she has made some wonderful friends.  If it weren't for the adults everything would be going great.

 

(((Hugs))) I wanted to like your post until the second part. I'm sorry that something she looked so forward to had to be spoiled for her. That's so upsetting (and I totally get how sometimes the mind won't turn off and keeps churning and rehashing what to do and how to respond...) It's exhausting.

 

I find the Psalms comforting too--I love Psalm 3:5-6--

 

I lie down and sleep;

    I wake again, because the Lord sustains me.

  I will not fear though tens of thousands

    assail me on every side.

 

And I just try to keep giving my concerns over to the Lord, remembering he was reviled, remembering Philippians 4:6-7 and asking God to guard my mind:

 

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

 

It's definitely a challenge at times. I do also find that walking, warm baths, and Kaliphos (cell salts) are helpful. 

 

I pray things go well as your dh meets with the leaders tonight. 

[EndOfOrdinary]

A really good cry normally helps me. I will start decluttering like crazy until I just can't take it anymore and cry it all out!

[DawnM]

Well, you may not want to ask me, I went to therapy for a while.  I just needed to find out I wasn't actually going crazy.

 

Of course, some of it could be hormonal changes, but I also have a intense son who sometimes drains the life out of me.  

[nd293]

I think you may be looking for long term strategies, but in the short term I find 4 count breathing helpful. I've realised I'm not the meditating type, but recognising the impact that breathing has on stress was very helpful to me. 4 count breathing is in for 4, hold for 4, out for 4, hold for 4 and so on.

 

I found this in an iPhone app called Tactical Breather. The app has a chapter of a book for background reading. It's aimed at military etc personnel, but I found having a understanding of how stress physically affects the body (and mind) very helpful.