Who is being unreasonable here, me or the football coach?

[Daria]

I'll start off by saying that I'm not going to say anything to the coach.  I'm just venting here.  But I need to vent somewhere!

 

DS is a complicated kid.  He's got some mental health issues that require a fair amount of intervention. He's got some chronic physical health issues (asthma, allergies, sleep apnea) that impact him.  And right now his right hand is in a cast because of an injury.  He is cleared to "hit" on the football field if the cast is wrapped, but not to lift weights with his hand.

 

Anyway, at the beginning of the year, DS's football coach announced 2 things.  One was that practice would be over by 6:00 every day.They also said that they knew that sometimes kids had doctor's appointments but they should be scheduled at non-football times.  

 

I managed to get DS's 2 most common doctors visits (weekly therapy, monthly psychiatrist) at 7:00.  I was pretty pleased about this, because those late appointments are hard to come by.

 

So, every Monday, at 6:00 the coach announces that there is a mandatory varsity lift. After showing up late for therapy for a month,  DS talked to the coach and got permission to leave before the lift.  

 

Yesterday was Monday, and again DS left at 6:00 for therapy.  

 

So, today I come home and DS is absolutely exhausted.  I asked him why and he said that as a punishment for "skipping" the lift, he had to do conditioning instead of regular practice, and the conditioning consisted of 2 things.  1) Bear walking back and forth across the field (with most of the 200 lbs of his weight on his injured hand, the one that's not cleared to use to lift weights) and 2) Log rolling up and down the field, so that his face was in the grass (that he's highly allergic to) over and over again.  

 

Am I crazy to think that attending a scheduled medical appointment is not something that warrants "punishment", and that neither of those two exercises sound like a good idea?

[zoobie]

Why won't you say anything to the coach? He's physically endangering your child.

[whitestavern]

I think you have every right to be upset, and if it were my son, I would be talking to the coach about this.

 

And just out of curiosity, how old is your son?

[Annie G]

Gee, it seems like you followed the rules the coach set and then he changed the rules and punished your son. Doesn't seem like the coach is playing nice.  I'd be ticked, and would have ds discuss it with the coach.  

[Catwoman]

Why won't you say anything to the coach? He's physically endangering your child.

  

I think you have every right to be upset, and if it were my son, I would be talking to the coach about this.

 

And just out of curiosity, how old is your son?

I agree -- why wouldn't you talk to the coach? :confused:

 

I would be livid, and you can be certain that the coach would know it!

[kroe1]

A team is a team. If a lift is something the rest of the team is doing, then your son needs to be there. I vote rescheduling the doctor's appointment.

 

However, you still know your kiddo better than anyone. Is he most likely going to be an athlete or coach for life, or does he have other aspirations. Perhaps continuing with therapy and quitting the team is a better option for him, if you are unable to reschedule.

[Daria]

A team is a team. If a lift is something the rest of the team is doing, then your son needs to be there. I vote rescheduling the doctor's appointment.

 

However, you still know your kiddo better than anyone. Is he most likely going to be an athlete or coach for life, or does he have other aspirations. Perhaps continuing with therapy and quitting the team is a better option for him, if you are unable to reschedule.

 

So, my kid either at school or at practice from 7:40 to 6:30 M - Th, longer than that on Friday and from 8 - 12 on Saturday.  Getting doctors appointments outside those hours is not simple.

 

I waited until after the coach announced the team schedule, and then made the appointments, but at this point they're set.  Good therapists in our area have waiting lists of months or years, and his is booked solid.

[Daria]

DS is 16. He'd be very upset if I talked to the coach, and I'm trying to respect that.

[Catwoman]

A team is a team. If a lift is something the rest of the team is doing, then your son needs to be there. I vote rescheduling the doctor's appointment.

 

However, you still know your kiddo better than anyone. Is he most likely going to be an athlete or coach for life, or does he have other aspirations. Perhaps continuing with therapy and quitting the team is a better option for him, if you are unable to reschedule.

The coach gave the kid permission to leave, and then punished him for it. That was wrong.

[Ravin]

The coach is out of line. He should stick to his own schedule. And pick make-up work, if necessary, that does not violate your son's medical restrictions. This is not something I would stay out of. If it was just a discipline issue, I would, but it's not. It's a health and safety issue and an issue of the coach saying one thing and doing another.

[whitestavern]

DS is 16. He'd be very upset if I talked to the coach, and I'm trying to respect that.

 

Then I would probably encourage him to speak to his coach. The coach shouldn't get away with that :(

 

What will happen, though, once your son is cleared to lift?

[Daria]

Then I would probably encourage him to speak to his coach. The coach shouldn't get away with that :(

 

What will happen, though, once your son is cleared to lift?

 

He won't be cleared to lift until the season is over.

 

But the first month of school, he just showed up late to therapy every week, meaning I paid the same amount for 1/2 the time, and he didn't get the support he needed.  Then I told him that either he talked to the coach, or I did, and we had a few weeks where he made it on time.  The last 2 weeks he's missed Mondays altogether. Once due to the hand injury (he wasn't cleared to practice at all) and once due to an asthma attack.  He also missed other days those weeks because of the hand (e.g. to go to the orthopedist, it's hard enough to find one on short notice, finding one who sees patients at 8:00 p.m. would be impossible).  He sat out 2 games because of the absences, which I thought was reasonable.  It wasn't framed as punishment, just as "you didn't get enough practice in to be ready".  

[aaplank]

IMO football isn't worth it. Your son's physical and emotional health have far greater value, and it sounds like football could be compromising both.

[Joker]

I grew up in crazy football country. I'm assuming since your ds's team is still playing and practicing that they are good and in the playoffs. That probably means they take is as seriously as I remember from my youth. My brother is also a head football coach in crazy town. They take it seriously and there is little room for exceptions. I honestly think that if your ds wants a future with the team that you're going to have to give a lot on his medical appointments. You are also going to have to accept the punishments for missing parts of practice. I never knew it to matter why practice was missed. You did the make up to stay part of the team. The grass thing I don't understand, though. If he's that allergic, how does he play and practice at all? 

 

 

I want to add that I find it all absurd and left crazy football town long ago. I will never return and there is a huge disconnect with me and that part of my family. I do not get the appeal at all nor do I find high school football that big of a deal. 

 

 

[Daria]

IMO football isn't worth it. Your son's physical and emotional health have far greater value, and it sounds like football could be compromising both.

 

So, while I'm aware of the dangers of football, it's had a lot of benefits for DS.  Socially and emotionally he does better with a structured activity.  His lung function gets better when that activity involves a lot of exercise, and his sleep apnea gets better when his body fat percentage goes down, so football helps with that.  I'd love it if he chose swimming or something instead, but his lungs are crappy enough that he'd struggle with an endurance sport, plus football is what he loves.

[Daria]

I grew up in crazy football country. I'm assuming since your ds's team is still playing and practicing that they are good and in the playoffs. That probably means they take is as seriously as I remember from my youth. My brother is also a head football coach in crazy town. They take it seriously and there is little room for exceptions. I honestly think that if your ds wants a future with the team that you're going to have to give a lot on his medical appointments. You are also going to have to accept the punishments for missing parts of practice. I never knew it to matter why practice was missed. You did the make up to stay part of the team. The grass thing I don't understand, though. If he's that allergic, how does he play and practice at all? 

 

 

I want to add that I find it all absurd and left crazy football town long ago. I will never return and there is a huge disconnect with me and that part of my family. I do not get the appeal at all nor do I find high school football that big of a deal. 

 

No, they are awful.  The last game I went to, the score was 59 - 0 at the half, they had the zero.  They ran the clock nonstop, and the other team played their 4th string, and they ended up at 66 to 6.  

 

As far as allergies, he takes a bunch of medication, and has done allergy shots, and can handle the grass if his face isn't pushed into it over and over.  

[Mergath]

I'd be upset about everything but the grass. I don't think you can reasonably get mad about your kid being exposed to grass during football practice. It's football, there's going to be grass all over stuff. But everything else, I'd be upset too.

[Spy Car]

I played football my whole life growing up (on very serious teams), am very gun-ho, and could not imagine reading the particulars of the thread and coming out against the football coach. I was wrong.

 

The coach set up expectations. You planned around them, then he moved the goal posts.

 

The coach is in the wrong here.

 

Bill

[gardenmom5]

I'll share a friend's experience.  take it or leave it.

 

their dd has severe asthma.  medically, she is not allowed to run. the school knows this.  her PE teachers know this.  it's in her file.  the PE teacher forced her to run.  they spent that night in the ER.  a few days later, paying a visit to the school and letting them know they had grounds to sue their patootie.

 

the coach is violating his own directions. (practice ends at 6pm.)  he is endangering your son by "requiring" him to do things with his injured hand.  why are you unwilling to speak to him?  I'd be threatening his patootie if your son is reinjured by doing things he is not yet physically capable of.  I'd also be looking into if the coach is deliberately trying to get him off the team without actually "kicking him off".

[Storygirl]

I would talk to the coach. Maybe you could start the conversation with, "My son does not want me to bring this up with you, but his health is at stake, and I don't have a choice."

 

My sister is a basketball coach, and I know that coaches get annoyed by parents who want their kid to have an exception to the rules. So I would approach it in a very calm and non-accusatory way. Do they know your son has a standing doctor's appointment that you specifically scheduled based on the promised practice schedule? They won't know unless you tell them. And maybe bring cookies.

[Reefgazer]

I agree with you that the coach is being unreasonable, but I disagree that you should keep quiet about it since it is a safety/health issue.  I'd take it one step further than talking to the coach and if he won't cooperate regarding your son's physical limitations, I would get a note and request disability accommodations.

 

DD has exercise-induced asthma and is on maintenance meds and rescue meds.  She also swims competitively and practices 2 hours a day, and the asthma makes that much more difficult.  Her regular coach understands and accommodates this, but an occasional substitute coach likes to punish her if she can't meet his time standards.  So DD and I have put together a little "plan" on our own for when he decides he's going into punishment mode - she intentionally slows down and swims at her most leisurely pace until he gets the message or practice time is over, whichever comes first.  I have also told DD that she has the right to get out of the pool and stop swimming when the asthma flares up and she feels she can't do any more, regardless of what any coach says.  Your DS needs his own little action plan to deal with the punishment aspect of things.  And he needs to be reminded that the only thing he *has* to do is live and die; everything else is optional, including coach orders that damage his health.

I'll start off by saying that I'm not going to say anything to the coach.  I'm just venting here.  But I need to vent somewhere!

 

DS is a complicated kid.  He's got some mental health issues that require a fair amount of intervention. He's got some chronic physical health issues (asthma, allergies, sleep apnea) that impact him.  And right now his right hand is in a cast because of an injury.  He is cleared to "hit" on the football field if the cast is wrapped, but not to lift weights with his hand.

 

Anyway, at the beginning of the year, DS's football coach announced 2 things.  One was that practice would be over by 6:00 every day.They also said that they knew that sometimes kids had doctor's appointments but they should be scheduled at non-football times.  

 

I managed to get DS's 2 most common doctors visits (weekly therapy, monthly psychiatrist) at 7:00.  I was pretty pleased about this, because those late appointments are hard to come by.

 

So, every Monday, at 6:00 the coach announces that there is a mandatory varsity lift. After showing up late for therapy for a month,  DS talked to the coach and got permission to leave before the lift.  

 

Yesterday was Monday, and again DS left at 6:00 for therapy.  

 

So, today I come home and DS is absolutely exhausted.  I asked him why and he said that as a punishment for "skipping" the lift, he had to do conditioning instead of regular practice, and the conditioning consisted of 2 things.  1) Bear walking back and forth across the field (with most of the 200 lbs of his weight on his injured hand, the one that's not cleared to use to lift weights) and 2) Log rolling up and down the field, so that his face was in the grass (that he's highly allergic to) over and over again.  

 

Am I crazy to think that attending a scheduled medical appointment is not something that warrants "punishment", and that neither of those two exercises sound like a good idea?

 

[kroe1]

So you are using football to keep your kiddo's weight in check to help his sleep apnea? That seems counter intuitive to me. Football players try to bulk up the upper body making them even more Pickwickian looking in body habitus. It seems like a football player would be more prone to sleep apnea. No?

 

in addition, the run and stop, run and stop sports are not great at building lung function like more sustained aerobic sports, swimming, biking, cross country.

 

If it were me, I would put my kiddo in a sport better able to help with his physical problems. But, I can understand the social benefits. In the teen years, as you know, just about every sport takes a huge amount of time. You might have therapy scheduling problems no matter what sport your son chooses.

[Word Nerd]

Isn't the season almost over? We're in playoffs here. I'd be upset too, but it shouldn't be an issue for much longer.

[Bluegoat]

I think in any kind of group activity, if you give people a set of time expectations, you have to stick with them, and if you don't you have to realize that when you go outside of that people will sometimes have other commitments.  Doctors appointments are totally legitimate, they need to be dealt with, you have made a commitment with someone there too. 

 

Even when i was still in the army reserves, they knew if they scheduled work during times like exams, many people would not be able to come.  Not recognizing that people have a variety of commitments in their lives is disrespectful.  And i don't think it is part of healthy team-building either. 

 

The whole "punishment to stay part of the team because you missed an event" thing I find slightly disgusting.  It's like a kind of bizarre substitutionary atonement.

 

In general though, I might look for a different sport. There are lots of fun things that are good for health that wouldn't involve all that drama.

[Rebel Yell]

A team is a team. If a lift is something the rest of the team is doing, then your son needs to be there. I vote rescheduling the doctor's appointment.

 

However, you still know your kiddo better than anyone. Is he most likely going to be an athlete or coach for life, or does he have other aspirations. Perhaps continuing with therapy and quitting the team is a better option for him, if you are unable to reschedule.

 

If this was just an annual check-up, then I agree. But these are WEEKLY appointments, AND the kid is not medically cleared to do the lifting.

[kahlanne]

Its a tough situation. As a mom, I understand being angry that you scheduled around the coach's set schedule at the beginning of season. I would be too but at the same time I understand that with sports as the season continues a coach may see a need that warrants a change in schedules, for instance like adding lifting. Lifting is very important to a football player. I would be more angry that the coach's form of punishment could cause further injury to my son's hand. This is unacceptable. As for the grass, maybe the coach didn't realize just how allergic your son is considering he plays a sport that will cause contact with grass. Until you explained it up thread, I wondered how that was the case as well because I am not familiar with that type of allergy. In that instance, I would probably send a friendly email stating the issue is more dire than he may realize. As angry as I may be about the schedule changes as a mom, I probably wouldn't approach it with the coach. Vent and decide to work around it and if that isn't possible, rethink football. As I said, lifting is quite necessary for a football player and something the coach didn't realize he would need to devote as much time to at the beginning of the scheduling. It really is difficult as a mom to step back and see this from other perspectives I know because I have vented about schedule changes, etc when our coach did so as well along with many other choices he made. Still I usually vent to husband, friends, family and move on as long as my son's not in any physical danger. 

 

To give you another viewpoint, my son is a player that never misses. He missed one week of practice last year when he had mono but that was it from age 9-16. He loves football even with all the hassles. Last summer workouts began at 6;00-10:00 but he had to return because of his position, center, at 11:00-12:00, Monday-Friday. When school started they have 1 hour of football every day followed by afternoon practice. The first week it was 2:45-8:00. Then after they shortened it to 2:45-6:30.  When games started the schedules changed again. They practice 3 hours on Mon, Tues, and Wed (followed by Junior Varsity game on this night), Thursday is walk through only 2:45-4:30, and then Fridays no practice but stay after school for 7:00 game. Wednesday and Fridays the kids won't even get home from school, since they stay after school for football until games, until 9:00 if its a home game and later if away. It is hard work and a commitment that my son makes while keeping his grades up. He basically busts his butt to be there each time whether game or practice. With the exception of this year, there have always been "favorites" that  would have valid or not so valid reasons to miss practice/lifts and would still play because they were great players. This aggravated my son immensely even though he always played as well. Our new coach doesn't allow playing time after so many absences regardless of reason. They can arrange makeup work with coach if they desire but are otherwise punished in some form for not being there with the rest of the team. My son prefers the new coach's strictly enforce attendance to the lax ones of previous seasons even if sometimes it makes it more difficult on him and our family.

[Haiku]

I would suggest to ds that he approach the coach, lay out what he (and you) thought the expectations were and how you have complied with them, and ask the coach what's missing in this picture. Basically, your son has conditions under which he can be on the team, and either the coach is willing to respect those conditions and keep your son on the team, or he's not. If he's not willing to work with your son, he's not a coach worth playing for.

[kahlanne]

 

 

The whole "punishment to stay part of the team because you missed an event" thing I find slightly disgusting.  It's like a kind of bizarre substitutionary atonement.

 

 

 

I understand this line of thinking but at the same time for the kids like my son that devote multiple hours after school to practices, lifting, and games without missing one or very few, how do you expect this commitment from them and not all? Yes, there are valid reasons for missing but if those reasons are recurring and will take you away from a large portion of the expectations of a player, should they not be expected to either make up the work or rethink the sport choice?  For our team, if you are injured as original poster's hand is, you are expected to come to all practices and games even if you can't participate. 

 

[bettyandbob]

Is the season almost over? I might just drop it. I believe the coach is wrong, because he posted a schedule that he did not stick to. 

 

After the roster is announced next August, I would contact who ever the coach will be then and clearly state that ds has standing appointments and you are trying to schedule outside of practice and could he verify mandatory practice times because once the appointments are scheduled they can't be changed. 

 

I would encourage your ds to swim to increase endurance. Many people with asthma swim. Swimming is actually very good for asthma because the person really learns to control breathing. This he can do on his own--he does not need to be on a team. He might want to take an adult stroke class to make improvements to what he's doing on his own. I understand keeping up the sport he loves. I would just add the swimming (a lot of it in off seasons). He can still do whatever strength training program the coach has for off season too. 

 

 

[HS Mom in NC]

If the coach gave your child permission to leave early and then was punished for leaving early, the coach is an idiot. Was this really a punishment?  If the coach had in mind that your son would do alternative mandatory physical exercises when he was at practice, in place of the mandatory lift that he missed, that makes sense to me and I wouldn't consider it a punishment. However, the coach should've stated clearly that that was the plan to both you and your son so you would expect it. It may have just been poor communication in his part or it's possible it was communicated to your son but he didn't pass it on to you.  

 

That being said, it sounds to me like your son's medical treatment schedule just isn't compatible with your son's practice.  If your son cannot attend the full practice the vast majority of the time and do everything the other kids on the team are doing the vast majority of the time, he needs to bow out and find another team with a schedule that works better with his treatment schedule. 

I have a kid who sees a couple of specialists too, so I understand how few options there can be for treatment appointments.  Them's the breaks.

[Bluegoat]

I understand this line of thinking but at the same time for the kids like my son that devote multiple hours after school to practices, lifting, and games without missing one or very few, how do you expect this commitment from them and not all? Yes, there are valid reasons for missing but if those reasons are recurring and will take you away from a large portion of the expectations of a player, should they not be expected to either make up the work or rethink the sport choice?  For our team, if you are injured as original poster's hand is, you are expected to come to all practices and games even if you can't participate. 

 

 

It's normal even for jobs that people will from time to time have to take time off for things like doctors appointments.  Why recreational sports would be any different I don't know.  Heck, when I was a soldier I had my medical and dental stuff during my work hours.  Kids are in school in the day, so i would expect that most kids will have things like medical appointments, being sick, funerals, and so on, from time to time.  The rest of the world deals with this just fine.

 

If a team member can't make scheduled practices, for legitimate reasons, on a regular basis, then he or she should have a conversation with the coach.  In some cases maybe the problem means the two things are incompatible.  With something like physiotherapy, that should only last a while, then it makes sense that would take precedence - arguably its training for that kid as much as sitting on the bench while others do things he can't.  ( I suspect on professional teams a player with an injury will be, well, working on making the injury better.)

 

If the coach tells people to make appointments outside of a particular time, then goes over his own time, he has absolutely no leg to stand on.  The player and parent has shown respect for his scedual and the team.  He is not showing respect for his players though.

 

And while in some cases making up for lost time due to a legitimate reason might make sense, that has absolutely nothing to do with "punishment."  Bear walking across a field and rolling on the ground are just ways to humiliate someone.  It's closer to making someone do something idiotic in order to join a club.

[Bluegoat]

Is the season almost over? I might just drop it. I believe the coach is wrong, because he posted a schedule that he did not stick to. 

 

After the roster is announced next August, I would contact who ever the coach will be then and clearly state that ds has standing appointments and you are trying to schedule outside of practice and could he verify mandatory practice times because once the appointments are scheduled they can't be changed. 

 

I would encourage your ds to swim to increase endurance. Many people with asthma swim. Swimming is actually very good for asthma because the person really learns to control breathing. This he can do on his own--he does not need to be on a team. He might want to take an adult stroke class to make improvements to what he's doing on his own. I understand keeping up the sport he loves. I would just add the swimming (a lot of it in off seasons). He can still do whatever strength training program the coach has for off season too. 

 

I think for many asthmatics, the problem with swimming is the pool chemicals.

 

[wendy not in HI]

I think it's awesome that your son is playing football.  We love football at our house! And it sounds like your son is a really hard worker!  I think football can have a real influence for good in a teenage boy's life.  A good coach can make a huge difference in the life of a boy or girl!  That said, coaches seem to wear blinders.  It seems pretty normal for a coach to hear Cleared to play?  and completely forget about the injury and the recommended care (rub some dirt in it...)  If it weren't the end of the season, I would probably send a note to the coach and to the sports therapist who works with the team. I might remind the coach of his appointment and offer to have your son lift at home or a gym with dad in the evening, and ask for a copy of the workout.  Since the season is almost over, I would probably not say anything.  

 

As far as the end of practice time - that is something that makes me crazy!  I feel like all high school sports/interest groups do this!  They say - if your child is late, they will run laps, or do burpies, or run stairs or whatever.  So, being a good mom and the driver, I try to get them there 10 minutes early.  But when it comes time to leave, there is no respect for my time!!! 45 minutes late was not unusual for marching band and track... Just sitting in my car with a few other hungry kids... Aaaaaa! I really hate that.  I always wanted to send a note saying my child was expected to be in my car, seatbelt buckled by 6:15pm or she would be breaking music stands (or walking the dog on the field and letting him do his business).  Seriously!  So frustrating!  (so glad my dd17 can drive herself!)  And I didn't usually have a real appointment scheduled after.  I am so impressed that you were able to make 6 and 7pm appointments!  

 

I hope the season ends quickly and your son can come away with a feeling of pride and accomplishment, even if his team isn't the best.  I hope he has made lasting friends to get him through the next few months!  

[Kathryn]

I'd be upset about it and I'd talk to the coach unless I thought DS could do so effectively. You complied with scheduling and he changed the deal and then punished your son for it. Not okay. He put his health in jeopardy. Much more not okay.

[Pink and Green Mom]

I'll start off by saying that I'm not going to say anything to the coach.  I'm just venting here.  But I need to vent somewhere!

 

DS is a complicated kid.  He's got some mental health issues that require a fair amount of intervention. He's got some chronic physical health issues (asthma, allergies, sleep apnea) that impact him.  And right now his right hand is in a cast because of an injury.  He is cleared to "hit" on the football field if the cast is wrapped, but not to lift weights with his hand.

 

Anyway, at the beginning of the year, DS's football coach announced 2 things.  One was that practice would be over by 6:00 every day.They also said that they knew that sometimes kids had doctor's appointments but they should be scheduled at non-football times.  

 

I managed to get DS's 2 most common doctors visits (weekly therapy, monthly psychiatrist) at 7:00.  I was pretty pleased about this, because those late appointments are hard to come by.

 

So, every Monday, at 6:00 the coach announces that there is a mandatory varsity lift. After showing up late for therapy for a month,  DS talked to the coach and got permission to leave before the lift.  

 

Yesterday was Monday, and again DS left at 6:00 for therapy.  

 

So, today I come home and DS is absolutely exhausted.  I asked him why and he said that as a punishment for "skipping" the lift, he had to do conditioning instead of regular practice, and the conditioning consisted of 2 things.  1) Bear walking back and forth across the field (with most of the 200 lbs of his weight on his injured hand, the one that's not cleared to use to lift weights) and 2) Log rolling up and down the field, so that his face was in the grass (that he's highly allergic to) over and over again.  

 

Am I crazy to think that attending a scheduled medical appointment is not something that warrants "punishment", and that neither of those two exercises sound like a good idea?

 

Please do not think I am taking the coach's side.

Do you think it is possible the coach and your son had some sort of misunderstanding?   I could see my son saying "I will have to miss Monday's lifting for the doctor" without articulating that it would be an ongoing every Monday thing.  Especially if he was nervous about telling the coach in the first place.

[katilac]

Please do not think I am taking the coach's side.

Do you think it is possible the coach and your son had some sort of misunderstanding?   I could see my son saying "I will have to miss Monday's lifting for the doctor" without articulating that it would be an ongoing every Monday thing.  Especially if he was nervous about telling the coach in the first place.

 

This is a good point. 

[texasmama]

the coach is violating his own directions. (practice ends at 6pm.)  he is endangering your son by "requiring" him to do things with his injured hand.  why are you unwilling to speak to him?  I'd be threatening his patootie if your son is reinjured by doing things he is not yet physically capable of.  I'd also be looking into if the coach is deliberately trying to get him off the team without actually "kicking him off".

This is my gut on it.

 

Most football coaches are not going to value a kid going to therapy.  I live in crazy football country, too, and I could see a coach setting a kid up to quit by moving the goal posts, as Bill has said.

 

I would have to step in and speak to the coach in spite of my kid's wishes, I believe.  I would also ask to have an assistant principal or other party present.

 

This whole thing stinks to high heaven.

[cera2]

I would absolutely speak to the coach.  Is it a school sponsored team?  If so, does the coach have a copy of your child's IEP or 504 (it sounds like he would have one) as all his teachers should?  

 

I would make an appt to meet with him and outline everything that you wrote here.  The health issues, the importance of the appointments and difficulty getting them, etc.  I would suggest a few alternatives that you think might work for future situations (maybe team lift night could be a different day of the week, maybe your son could do a makeup workout on his own on the weekend, etc) and then wait to hear what the coach says.  

 

I wouldn't be surprised if the coach was very open to working with you but wasn't fully aware of the situation.  Teens aren't great at communicating their needs, especially when it is something they might rather not discuss.