So, here's a crazy question

[MarkW]

As I've shared, we've pulled our youngest out of public school and are home schooling her from now on. We can't trust the principal at her school as far as throw her, and it looks like she will have no consequences for seriously questionable behavior with/towards our child. Good times.

 

Here's the thing, and I already am leaning toward a pretty definitive answer, but I'd like to hear what other people think:

 

Our oldest is 17 and a senior in high school in the same school system. While she's mostly experienced clear sailing in her navigation of the same school district, there have been a few bumps in the road. Especially last year. I think that she's a lot like me in that the "school experience" is pretty incidental to her learning. She's curious enough on her own and school moves too slowly or in uninteresting, often unnecessary directions for her. This is evidenced in her acing every test, but rarely completing assignments, rarely not being late to school etc.

 

Now, once upon a time I felt that the structure was good for her, and maybe (probably) it still is, but honestly if at 17 she's still late, still missing homework, has the structure really worked? Seems like not, right?

 

So, my wife is probably not a fan of this idea, and I'm not sure that I am either, but one thing that's very compelling to me is that if my oldest were also to withdraw, she could help make my youngest's homeschooling schedule much smoother in this transitional period we're in where we're sorting out the fact that we both work, have competing schedules, etc, against the fact that we no longer have the "all day day care" of public school for my youngest. If she were to do this, it would probably mean that she'd take the rest of the year off with the possible exception of one or two college courses.

 

This might be unfairly delaying her, or it might also break her momentum as she prepares for college. She wants, of all things, to get a secondary education degree at a state college. Ha! :)

 

The thing is, I'm not sure that a high school diploma is necessarily a pre-requisite for her. I'm sure she could get accepted at the state college without one. I'm sure she could get started now, but it would be convenient for the family for her to take a 9-12 month hiatus... ugh that sounds and feels awful just typing it.

 

I guess I'm just sounding off, folks. At this point, it seems pretty foolish to withdraw the oldest who's nearly done anyway, yeah? 

 

I'm seriously thinking about quitting my full time job. I've been in poor health and I've been hating it for almost as long as I've been in the field, which is 15 years and counting now. It would put our mortgage in jeopardy and I have only hazy ideas about making my art pay the bills instead.

 

I've.. sort of lost myself on what I'm asking here. LOL. Someone inject some sanity? 

[The Girls' Mom]

ETA: I'm on my phone and apparently my reading skills are suffering.

 

She IS a senior. I wouldn't do it.

 

Is she a senior or a junior? If she is a senior, she should stay put, IMO. This close to graduation isn't a good time to shift gears.

 

If she is a junior, and can easily meet state requirements for graduation over the next 18 months, then it might be a good thing. She could dual enroll next semester or even next year and get some college under her belt before graduation.

 

I would not, however, pull her out and then rely heavily on her as a baby sitter. It'll backfire.

[Word Nerd]

I wouldn't pull her out at such a late stage unless there were a very compelling reason to and she wanted to leave the school.

[kewb]

I wouldn't pull your senior out for the same reason I didn't put my senior in. Too close to the end goal.

Unless she wants to be relied on to help her younger sibling I see that as a problem. She will quickly become resentful of the role.

As for deferring the start of college, that is a decision that needs to be about what is best for her not what is best for the family. Believe me, I get where you are coming from in terms of it would be a big help to the family. But she is getting ready to fly and needs to be part of that decision.

[fairfarmhand]

I wouldn't pull her out at such a late stage unless there were a very compelling reason to and she wanted to leave the school.

 

yup.

I get where you are coming from.

 

But your oldest is still a kid. Let her be one.

 

Figure out something else.

[fairfarmhand]

Start looking at other ways to manage things....part time work, work from home, working on nights/weekends. Refinancing or selling the house so you have a smaller payment...

[Butter]

No.  Don't do it.

[Lanny]

Your older DD should complete her High School education where she is now. It is late in the game, but it sounds like she needs to learn Time Management and Self Discipline, if she wants to attend and graduate from a university  I  suggest that you DO NOT pull her out of school to take care of your younger DD.

 

[MarkW]

I'm pretty firmly in "let her finish" territory. 

 

On the subject of her still being a kid. I agree. Boy do I agree. She's had a lot of medical issues over the years and I feel like she's socially delayed. She's immensely scatterbrained, but incredibly intelligent. I'm very grateful to know that she's planning on going to college in our home state and probably living at home while she does so, because her earlier plans of attending school in Boston scared the heck out of me. She's the type who will drop a stack of bills while getting money from her wallet and not notice, veer her bicycle into traffic while adjusting the gear ratio, etc. She scares me a little with the way she's inside her own head all of the time. :)

 

She's got dozens of advance placement credits at UCONN that she could easily transfer to any other state college. So many that she could almost "skip" her freshman year of college at this point. I sometimes feel, and I know that she sometimes feels, like she's only attending Senior year to run out the clock. In that mindset, this idea of having her help out with her sister for a bit is very tempting.

 

But I also get where all of you are coming from and I have the same thoughts. It's just such a cluster right now. Selling the house is a really bad option for a variety of reasons. It's a family home that my father built and so there's some sentimentality, but there's also the fact that it is in bad need of renovation (medical bills have taken a toll) and we'd be hard pressed to recoup it's value let alone pick something else up. We have too many hard-luck-case animals dependent on us to move back to apartment living (and without offense intended to anyone, that would be pretty depressing for us.)

 

There's just so many competing aspects all going on at once here and I'm trying to keep ahead of them all. :-P

[Chris in VA]

Sorry it's so hard!

 

Do you feel you could get some help for her this year, while she is still in school? I mean, could they do an eval for you--I don't know much about it, but I've studied a little recently about Executive Function, and what you say about her sounds a bit like this may be a problem for her. Of course, you don't need to answer and I don't mean to be nosy. I'm just thinking that "pre-launch" can be a chance to work on life skills.

[Aiden]

Asking your daughter to put her life on hold for a year--or to sacrifice her senior year in high school in order to look after her kid sister--would be a pretty big deal, unless it's something she has indicated she wants to do anyway.

 

Would I ever do it? Maybe. If it were a dire situation, a family emergency, and that were the absolute only solution I saw, I'd consider it.

 

To ask because it would "help make my youngest's homeschooling schedule much smoother" or "be convenient for the family" ... no way. That's way too big of an ask for convenience or a smoother schedule.

 

I agree that you should start looking at ways to manage on less money or at ways to earn money in a way that allows a parent to be home with your daughter: sell or refinance the house, get a part time job that you can work from home or while your wife is home. If her income is less than yours and she'd be a good fit as a homeschool teacher, start looking at having her quit her job while you bite the bullet and keep doing a job you hate for the sake of your family, at least until you can find something else.

 

But I wouldn't ask my almost-adult daughter to sacrifice a year of her life unless it was my last chance of saving my family from a catastrophe.

 

Just as importantly, I wouldn't quit my job without a realistic plan in place to replace that income or to live without it. Financial stress is the number one marriage killer in the United States from what I understand, and that kind of stress would not help your youngest's education. Even if you have to keep working and find some non-academic daycare solution (maybe with a stay-at-home parent of littles), you can homeschool at her age around a work schedule. Not without sacrifice and creativity, but you can do it if it comes to it.

 

 

Edited to say: It looks like you were posting at the same time I was. I didn't mean to beat a dead horse :)

[Sherry in OH]

Don’t do it.  If the 17 year old wants to do dual enrollment and/or distance education allowing her to do is worth considering.  Having her essentially quit school to be a free baby-sitter is another. The long-term ramifications of that is a place you do not want to go. 

 

Being late for school and not completing assignments is normal teen behavior.  What are the consequences of being late to school?  Does the school take disciplinary action?  Do you place the burden of getting to school on time on her (she walks or pays for a ride if she misses the bus, for example) or curtail privileges?  Few teens are going to make the effort to be on time without consequences for being late.  The same goes for homework.  If the teacher doesn’t give her a compelling reason to complete it (lower grade or detention, for example), why should she do it? 

[regentrude]

Our oldest is 17 and a senior in high school in the same school system.

 

So, my wife is probably not a fan of this idea, and I'm not sure that I am either, but one thing that's very compelling to me is that if my oldest were also to withdraw, she could help make my youngest's homeschooling schedule much smoother in this transitional period we're in where we're sorting out the fact that we both work, have competing schedules, etc, against the fact that we no longer have the "all day day care" of public school for my youngest. If she were to do this, it would probably mean that she'd take the rest of the year off with the possible exception of one or two college courses.

 

This might be unfairly delaying her, or it might also break her momentum as she prepares for college. She wants, of all things, to get a secondary education degree at a state college. 

 

The thing is, I'm not sure that a high school diploma is necessarily a pre-requisite for her. I'm sure she could get accepted at the state college without one.

 

No, absolutely not.

 

She is a senior. She will have a full year, with college applications and testing, even if you withdraw her from school and should NOT be expected to homeschool her younger sibling!

Expecting her to put her life on hold and sacrifice a year so she can look after her sister? No, I would not want to put such a burden on a 17 y/o. This is not her responsibility.

 

She will absolutely need a high school diploma for admission to college! Now, this high school diploma does not have to come from a public high school; it can also come from a homeschool, but that requires planning: you need to make sure she completes the necessary coursework to fulfill admissions requirements etc.

Can this be done? Absolutely. but not while she is expected to homeschool her sister.

Senior year homeschooluing was extremely stressful, for both student and parent. I would not recommend starting homeschooling in sr year unless absolutely necessary.

[MarkW]

My wife has said flat out more than once that she feels like I need to be the one teaching the six year old and not her. She doesn't feel confident presenting any sort of curriculum to her whatsoever. I feel like she's selling herself very short, but she's very adamant about this.

 

My oldest has expressed an interest in helping out, but there's always the possibility that she's doing so because she feels prompted or obligated to. So, yeah, that's not really a good reason to pull her.

 

As far as Executive Function, I agree I feel she has a deficit there. I think she got it from dad, as I was like her until I was well into my twenties. I think it comes from a variety of things but I have no doubt that medical drama where as a teenager you're forced to wonder if you're going to die sort of puts things like being late to school or doing homework into a perspective where it seems trivial to the point of silliness. I'm not saying that's a good thing, I'm saying that's what happens.

 

As far as my job, yeah, I feel like I need to tough it out, but last year I had 7 cardiac arrests with no explanation. Good times. Did I mention I'm 38? I had 3 seizures that broke my spine in 3 places. We're not on super stable ground to begin with in terms of making sure we're financially covered. I've stopped treating my Crohn's Disease because even after insurance, a month's worth of medication is a thousand dollars. I don't want to get political on here, but... well that's broken.

 

I know I can sell my art and I know a dozen people who are duplicating my middle class salary selling prints of theirs, but that's not in place yet and so it's in the realm of unhatched chickens, yes?

 

Just poring over all of the options right now, and I do appreciate the sanity checks. :)

 

Edit to Add: not that I'm further arguing for a particular course of action, but she could sit for the GED in a week and have a diploma in a couple of days. It's not really a hurdle at all. At her age I'd already moved out of my father's house and was living on my own for a year. Not that I'd suggest the route I took for her, but the path is not as rigid as some people seem to think, at least in our state.

Also she would not be expected to homeschool her sister. Right now there's about... I don't know, 12 hours during the week total that we can't figure out how to cover. Even if she were helping with the schooling, she's quite good at it and does it now anyway, even before her little sister was withdrawn.

 

I don't want the thread to get heated but please remember that this is a brainstorming exercise and not a plan, OK? :)

[Ravin]

Your daughter sounds a lot like me at that age, lol.

 

My advice is, start looking for work from home or part time employment that would let you still cover the bases as far as bills and your house, but free up time and lower stress and the toll on your health. Does your spouse work full time?

 

My husband and I have tossed the "primary breadwinner" badge back and forth several times.

[No More Perfect]

I get what you are saying, I really do. And if I were in a similar situation I might entertain the idea. Since I am outside of the your situation, I agree with the others: don't pull her out. Let her finish her senior year. I might have her work on completing assignments and getting to school on time since next year she will need to know those things (college, job, etc). I'm sure that you could work something out in your family dynamic that would allow her to focus on her senior year while taking a tiny bit of responsibility with her younger sibling if you have to. But again, maybe that should be something that is looked at after she shows an ability to be at school on time.

 

Take all of what I said with a grain of salt. My oldest is twelve so I'm not at that stage yet.

 

Hang in there! Parenting is hard but you are doing a great job working through the various challenges.

[SKL]

I would keep her in school.

 

My mom was withdrawn from school at 16 to help with her younger siblngs.  It was 100% the wrong choice.

 

Aside from other reasons given, keep in mind that at 17 there is a good chance she could change her mind about what she wants to do with her future.

[Dmmetler]

The other thing to consider is that sometimes stuff happens. A high school diploma doesn't mean what it used to, but not having one closes a lot of doors, and she'll have several years, at minimum, before she'll have a college credential. If something goes wrong, that may be extended.

 

I can also see another concern. Senior year has a lot of emotional weight put on it in PS. Leaving mid year is something that is likely to make tongues wag and cause social stigma for your older DD, and possibly for the whole family. At least around here, "I'm not learning anything, and I need to help homeschool my younger sister" wouldn't fly-the assumptions would be something like pregnancy, criminal involvement, drug/alcohol rehab, mental health issues, and so on-something that the family doesn't want known and therefore tries to hide, where either the oldest child is involved, or is covering for a parent.

[SKL]

By the way, when I was a teen, I used to spend hours every day working with my much younger siblings (9 and 13 years younger than me).  I loved doing this voluntarily.  If your 17yo wants to help, that is great, but she can do it after school.

[kiana]

I agree with the others. I would recommend strongly against pulling her out at this stage unless there are very compelling reasons, such as serious medical or psychological issues or the school being a complete jerk to her (a friend of my mother's pulled her kid out during senior year because the school was going to fail her for missing days due to mono even when she was acing the tests -- like seriously). 

[Carrie12345]

I have a child who chose to take the HiSET at 16.  He also happens to be like me, and has executive functioning issues.  The culture of school was lost on him, and he was an independent learner.  (He happened to score higher than something like 90% of HiSET takers.  At SIXTEEN.)

 

But he immediately went on to further his education, which was his primary goal in getting out.  I know he helped a bit with his father's younger kids, and he babysat here and there for my younger kids, but he was a college student, first and foremost.  And I wouldn't have it any other way.  He's a participating family member, not a parental figure.

[MarkW]

I get what you are saying, I really do. And if I were in a similar situation I might entertain the idea. Since I am outside of the your situation, I agree with the others: don't pull her out. Let her finish her senior year. I might have her work on completing assignments and getting to school on time since next year she will need to know those things (college, job, etc). I'm sure that you could work something out in your family dynamic that would allow her to focus on her senior year while taking a tiny bit of responsibility with her younger sibling if you have to. But again, maybe that should be something that is looked at after she shows an ability to be at school on time.

 

Take all of what I said with a grain of salt. My oldest is twelve so I'm not at that stage yet.

 

Hang in there! Parenting is hard but you are doing a great job working through the various challenges.

 

I haven't been on time to my (salaried, thankfully) job in 15 years, but yes I get what you're saying. :)

 

I feel like I need to defend myself a little bit (not to you in particular, but the thread in general) and say that what I was considering was never pulling her out of school to become a full time home instructor for her little sister. Rather we were considering her doing part time college courses, helping out with sis on two weekdays, and keeping her part time job and other activities intact, so, not that this is necessarily a great plan, but I'm reading a little heat in some responses. We're not absurdly irresponsible! :)

[Jen in NY]

Welcome!

 

Having just gone through the college application process (twice!) I would add this information to your thoughts....

 

If your daughter is in public high school, the school deals with the guidance counselor/school profile portion of the Common Application (which your daughter could actually already be looking at, if she is interested in going to college next year... ). If you pull her out now, that will all fall to you to handle, in addition to figuring out homeschooling, etc. Like others have said, if she is on board with finishing at school, it will probably make your life much easier ---- including dealing with college apps.

 

Good Luck! It's a wild ride. :)

[MarkW]

I agree with the others. I would recommend strongly against pulling her out at this stage unless there are very compelling reasons, such as serious medical or psychological issues or the school being a complete jerk to her (a friend of my mother's pulled her kid out during senior year because the school was going to fail her for missing days due to mono even when she was acing the tests -- like seriously). 

 

I dropped out of high school because a gym instructor made it clear that he was going to prevent my graduation over missed PE days which constituted a quarter credit, or in other words, 1/80th of my graduation requirement. Seriously.

 

Now making a comfortable middle class salary despite the health challenges that are tangential, but I also understand that the route I took isn't really available anymore. It's sort of a jungle out there more so than it has been in recent decades.

[MarkW]

Sounds very area dependent. Graduating in 3 is becoming common here for those who qualify for good financial aid. The ones that dont sometimes leave by taking all their classes at the CC....sometimes they arent ready until after first semester senior year ...no point in staying for fluff when they can DE. We also have an alternative night school option where they can finish the 3 reqd classes in much less time than day school.

 

Gotta agree with this. Pregnancy rumours surrounding my very gay and very out 17 year old daughter would not concern us terribly. LOL!! :)

[No More Perfect]

I haven't been on time to my (salaried, thankfully) job in 15 years, but yes I get what you're saying. :)

 

I feel like I need to defend myself a little bit (not to you in particular, but the thread in general) and say that what I was considering was never pulling her out of school to become a full time home instructor for her little sister. Rather we were considering her doing part time college courses, helping out with sis on two weekdays, and keeping her part time job and other activities intact, so, not that this is necessarily a great plan, but I'm reading a little heat in some responses. We're not absurdly irresponsible! :)

 

Oh, I actually never thought you were going to pull her out to teach her little sister full time, and so I apologize that I didn't word it correctly! I was under the impression that she would be pulled out to do similar to what you said in your second to last line in the quote above. :-)  

 

Have you asked her what she thought? Maybe you mentioned it in your OP but I missed it.

[lailasmum]

In relation to selling your art to make money, I'd recommend watching some of the courses on Creative live. You can watch the live streams and repeats for free, you only have to pay if you want them on demand. There's loads of courses about making money from art, marketing for crafts people etc. 

[MarkW]

Oh, I actually never thought you were going to pull her out to teach her little sister full time, and so I apologize that I didn't word it correctly! I was under the impression that she would be pulled out to do similar to what you said in your second to last line in the quote above. :-)  

 

Have you asked her what she thought? Maybe you mentioned it in your OP but I missed it.

 

Like I said that bit was general to the thread, not you in particular!!!! :)

 

She has expressed an interest in possibly withdrawing to help, but she's ambivalent about it and we haven't asked. I think the ambivalence is a sign that she feels obligated to help rather than truly wanting to do it, so I've backed way off. This thread, like I said way up there, is my sanity check.

 

That said, it could just be that she's been public schooled her whole life and there's a lot of emotional weight around withdrawing even though honestly I really do feel that the academic and administrative consequences would be VERY minimal. Getting into a state school with her SAT scores and AP credits simply would not be that difficult.

 

I'm pretty well decided to not even pursue the "option" at all, I was really just looking at what the general feelings on this are because no option is truly off the table while we scramble to make this work at least a year earlier than we had expected.

[No More Perfect]

I'm pretty well decided to not even pursue the "option" at all, I was really just looking at what the general feelings on this are because no option is truly off the table while we scramble to make this work at least a year earlier than we had expected.

 

This is the "fun" part of parenting, isn't it? lol The figuring out when things change up. I wish you and your family the best of luck as you wade through this!

[bolt.]

edited to remove my answer

 

Never mind: my thoughts were only relevant from the first post. Things have moved in the thread since then.

[creekland]

Have you asked her what she wants to do?

 

Have you checked to see how many credits she has already or needs?

 

Has she talked with the community college about her preferences and found a solid path she could take?

 

The simple answer is "leave her in and let her finish."  Not all kids take the simple path and it works for them.

 

Personally, I would NEVER go the GED route with a student who didn't drop out.  There's too much of an unnecessary stigma.

[creekland]

ps  There's no real rush with educating a first grader.  Yes, it's helpful that they learn lessons, but no, those lessons don't need to be 100% super rigorous, sit down, and scheduled.  They're still kids.  Let them have fun lessons learning about life.  Your first grader can have a very flexible schedule in order to work around your senior.

[ktgrok]

I would NOT have her take the year off. 

 

However, if she wants to come home, I see no reason why you couldn't come up with a way for her to homeschool for the rest of the year, maybe doing school in a very different way than she has before. Seh could also dual enroll for the spring semester. She'd be home with your younger one, but still doing school work, and graduate on time. 

 

the hazard of keeping her in is, if she is like me (and she sounds JUST like me), her grades may plummet as she gets more and more bored. So bringing her home to do some more interesting coursework (great courses videos, literature based, living books, project based, whatever) for the rest of the semester and then doing some dual enrollment courses next semester seems reasonable if she'd like to do it. 

[Tiramisu]

The way you have described you older dd makes me think she could be eligible for great scholarships. I don't think you want to jeopardize that in any way by making any changes that are not necessary during her senior year. As a PP said, senior year is crazy busy with the college application process. It's really not fun. It could be a great support to get the school's help with that part of things as long as they are on the ball.

 

I did it once and I really did not like hsing high school. We were dealing with EF and medical issues, too. My second dd had the chance to go to private high school for free and I am very grateful for that option. I will be glad not to have to juggle keeping on top of academics and college applications her senior year. But I suspect I may have to face that challenge again with my youngers in any case.

[MarkW]

She's working at the local library and she's started taking notes on books she checks out that are not assigned classwork. I mean seriously? Is this a thing? ;) Do most parents of traditionally schooled kids see their teenagers bringing home extra books from the library, unassigned, and taking notes? 

 

She's actually gotten better about completing homework and about her tardiness since last year, so I'm inclined to let that trend continue, although I share your concern that she could damage her GPA by staying in. No clear idea of how dropping out affects her transcript from the perspective of a state college, though. Would GPA even be relevant anymore?

 

As for the GED stigma, I have a GED and honestly I've never had anyone even ask me about it. I certainly don't feel as though it was ever relevant in any job interview I've ever been on and nobody at the community colleges I've attended ever cared. That's not to say that other people don't have a different experience, just that it's not some sort of scarlet letter for everyone.

[MarkW]

The way you have described you older dd makes me think she could be eligible for great scholarships. I don't think you want to jeopardize that in any way by making any changes that are not necessary during her senior year. As a PP said, senior year is crazy busy with the college application process. It's really not fun. It could be a great support to get the school's help with that part of things as long as they are on the ball.

 

I did it once and I really did not like hsing high school. We were dealing with EF and medical issues, too. My second dd had the chance to go to private high school for free and I am very grateful for that option. I will be glad not to have to juggle keeping on top of academics and college applications her senior year. But I suspect I may have to face that challenge again with my youngers in any case.

 

If only she'd get off her butt and apply for them, but yes. :) I've been encouraging her since Freshman year to enter every possible scholarship and write every possible essay. She's begun a few and finished none. :-/

 

Out of state, expensive college is off the table. We can't pay for it, she hasn't made enough effort toward scholarships and it's almost "too late" for the Fall semester following her graduation, and student loans are somewhere we've strongly counseled her not to go. Way too many kids are coming out with degrees that will never pay their absurd (and totally impossible to discharge) student loan debt as tuition has risen WAY faster than salaries. We believe and she believes that it's state college or nothing for this reason.

[Word Nerd]

That said, it could just be that she's been public schooled her whole life and there's a lot of emotional weight around withdrawing even though honestly I really do feel that the academic and administrative consequences would be VERY minimal. Getting into a state school with her SAT scores and AP credits simply would not be that difficult.

 

I wouldn't minimize the emotional weight associated with withdrawing, especially during her senior year. 

[MarkW]

It seems polarized here...either they like school, and dont want to leave, or they tire of the childishness in the way they are treated and are happy to say no to fluff and transition to work or college.

 

This is largely where we're at I think. She's been tired of incompetent teachers and administrators and busy work for years, but that's not to say that leaving school at such a late date isn't still a big deal.

[Wildcat]

Is her graduating at Christmas an option? If she has completed her credits, it may be.

 

Your wife sounds like she doesn't really want to homeschool your younger dd. Elementary grades are not difficult to teach. If your wife has a high school education, she is qualified. If she is uncomfortable with the idea, maybe you can be the one to lay out and teach the lessons and your wife can make sure to follow through. Also, a six year old doesn't need an 8-hour school day. It is more about educational playing and learning through doing at that age. Reading and math are great as you get on your feet and figure out your schedule.

 

Money. If you want to quit your job, you need to have something else firmly in place for income. You mentioned selling your art. Is it something you can ship? If so, get on etsy, ebay, and Pinterest. Make a Facebook page. Put it out there and start selling. 

 

You need to find a way to make things work while allowing your older dd to stay in school and finish. While I am in the "no GED" camp because of stigma (times aren't the same as when we were in school) it would just be a big flag on college applications and scholarship applications as to why someone wouldn't complete their path at this stage of the game, barring medical/familial emergencies. She needs to stay the course.

 

I hope this didn't come across as harsh, as that's not my intention. I'm sorry you're having to think through all of this.

[MarkW]

My wife is hugely on board with getting her out of that school, but has no confidence about teaching her herself. So, it's an odd spot to be in for her.

 

I've got a professional pigment printer in my living room and the etsy shop is in the works, that's part of the reason I say that this is whole development is about a year early. :) Aside from that, having had two near death experiences in 3 years, I'm not a fan of letting money fears dictate TOO much of my life. Some, but not all, but I do understand the pragmatic view on this.

 

Everyone always said there was a stigma on the GED when I went to school, too, and I believed it but never experienced it. I tend to think that there's even less stigma now as Millenials are realizing what a bad deal college can be w.r.t. rising tuitions and "unpayable" student loans, but I think attitudes are very region dependent right now.

 

Not harsh at ALL!! I came in here looking for this. I just started to see a few responses that seemed to assume I was halfway done pulling her out already... ;)

 

My oldest is 17 and no life altering decisions at this point are being made for her. We were just in Boston yesterday seeing one of her specialists. She went to the appointment, I stayed in the waiting room. This is how we're approaching basically everything with her now. She's months away from legal adulthood. I still cajole her about pursuing scholarship options and warn her about fancy mailings from diploma mills and the like, but ultimately where her life is concerned, she's the captain now.

[Wildcat]

This is largely where we're at I think. She's been tired of incompetent teachers and administrators and busy work for years, but that's not to say that leaving school at such a late date isn't still a big deal.

 

Honestly? She'll find this in college, too. And in the work force. It's just something she needs to learn to deal with. 

 

It sounds like she is mentally 'finished' with high school and looking forward to what she thinks college will be like. I get that. I was her. My saving grace, if you will, during my senior year of high school was my part time job.

 

High School GPA is absolutely relevant and could be for years, depending on what she wants to do. My kids (both in 4-year universities) still get asked about their high school GPA even though they have a couple of years of uni under their belts.

 

I can't remember if you said and I missed it, but what does your dd want to do? I don't mean about staying in school or going to college, but what does she want to do with her life? I would start there then back into a plan. She may feel like she is swimming aimlessly, trying to stay afloat and having a goal to reach for will help her focus on the end result. It sounds goofy, but I'm serious. Once I had a plan, I worked to achieve it. I felt great when I did. Having something to work towards is a great motivator.

[Tiramisu]

If only she'd get off her butt and apply for them, but yes. :) I've been encouraging her since Freshman year to enter every possible scholarship and write every possible essay. She's begun a few and finished none. :-/

 

Out of state, expensive college is off the table. We can't pay for it, she hasn't made enough effort toward scholarships and it's almost "too late" for the Fall semester following her graduation, and student loans are somewhere we've strongly counseled her not to go. Way too many kids are coming out with degrees that will never pay their absurd (and totally impossible to discharge) student loan debt as tuition has risen WAY faster than salaries. We believe and she believes that it's state college or nothing for this reason.

 

The very best scholarships my oldest were offered were from the colleges themselves as part of the usual college application process so we didn't have to do anything different than just apply to the school. In only one case, after that initial application, she was contacted to compete in a further scholarship process based on community service that would have entitled her to completely free tuition had she won. 

 

The private scholarships you can apply for are usually for a few thousand at most, versus the college's merit scholarships which can be around $20,000.

 

FYI, the merit scholarships offered by all the private colleges my dd applied to brought the tuition down to the same level of a state college, and none required a special application. I am completely public school educated myself (ps, undergrad, and two graduate schools), and I have been amazed at how nice it's been dealing with a small private college. They can't do enough to help, and the rare problem that arises with financial aid or billing is resolved immediately and with kindness. It's so different from my own experience at schools with over 50,000 students.

 

I remember reading that Princeton can be a real bargain because they have so much aid to give. So you never know what to expect. My dd wasn't applying to super competitive schools because she already had decided her major and it wasn't offered at those types of schools anyway. So she was always in the top quarter of the students among the schools she applied to. I think that worked out well for her in terms of scholarships and how she fared after entering. She would not do well in a competitive environment. Unless your dd is aiming for a really competitive school, I'd consider applying to some mid-level private colleges, see what they offer in terms of scholarships, and then compare the final cost to what you'd be paying at a state school.

[The Girls' Mom]

Your daughter sounds very much like mine, down to the library books.

 

She had horrible time management skills all through high school. Now she is in community college full time and doing just fine. She is learning, the hard way sometimes, how to keep up with her assignments. She is much more motivated to do the work now that she is taking classes SHE wants to take. She also works part time at a library, which is the job she has always wanted.

 

Anyway, I don't think she would have done well at all going away to college this year, so community college has been great for her scatter brained self. She is maturing a lot.

[MarkW]

Honestly? She'll find this in college, too. And in the work force. It's just something she needs to learn to deal with. 

 

I 100% agree with you that this is everywhere but rather than learn to deal with it what I've found now that I've had a few medical shocks to help me get over the fear is that I'd rather find a way out of it. ;)

 

That's not a decision I'll be making FOR her, but I'm sympathetic if she has similar predilections. Right now, though, she wants to be a traditional teacher and so that's the path she's on and that's fine.

 

My question about GPA being relevant was in the context of leaving to get a GED.

[Jean in Newcastle]

I would focus on the 6 year old.  Who is watching her now?  (I get the impression that she's been withdrawn from school already? )  

[Wildcat]

My wife is hugely on board with getting her out of that school, but has no confidence about teaching her herself. So, it's an odd spot to be in for her.

 

I've got a professional pigment printer in my living room and the etsy shop is in the works, that's part of the reason I say that this is whole development is about a year early. :) Aside from that, having had two near death experiences in 3 years, I'm not a fan of letting money fears dictate TOO much of my life. Some, but not all, but I do understand the pragmatic view on this.

 

Everyone always said there was a stigma on the GED when I went to school, too, and I believed it but never experienced it. I tend to think that there's even less stigma now as Millenials are realizing what a bad deal college can be w.r.t. rising tuitions and "unpayable" student loans, but I think attitudes are very region dependent right now.

 

Not harsh at ALL!! I came in here looking for this. I just started to see a few responses that seemed to assume I was halfway done pulling her out already... ;)

 

My oldest is 17 and no life altering decisions at this point are being made for her. We were just in Boston yesterday seeing one of her specialists. She went to the appointment, I stayed in the waiting room. This is how we're approaching basically everything with her now. She's months away from legal adulthood. I still cajole her about pursuing scholarship options and warn her about fancy mailings from diploma mills and the like, but ultimately where her life is concerned, she's the captain now.

 

I have to run, but wanted to share a few more thoughts while I'm still pumped from my morning coffee. :tongue_smilie:

 

Your wife my very well discover that she learns along side your daughter. I was an accidental homeschooler who was terrified of teaching my kids. As it turns out, it was more about the *pressure* of being responsible for my child's education than the lack of knowledge. I didn't so much as "teach" as I facilitated. We read together, discussed, etc. Discussion and questioning is teaching. And learning. Math was fun because we played games. Yahtzee, Monopoly, etc. We baked (GREAT for learning fractions!) We did things together and the kids learned. My kids were older when we started homeschooling and I often wish we had started younger. I almost envy your wife.

 

I hear you on money dictating your life. I was mostly trying to address the concerns you expressed about your family home and, you know, eating. Also, money stress causes health issues, and you have more than your share of those already.

 

The GED stigma is probably more pronounced in some fields than others. Honestly, I have seen it. In conversations it isn't there, but in the employment offices it is. That probably harks back to my question of what does your dd want to do/be?

 

Do you have anything at all you can sell now? If so, list it. You could always commission works as you can find the time if everything sells. I learned that if I wait for the 'right time' to do anything, time will get away from me.

 

That's the extent of my ponderings at the moment. I hope you come away from this thread with lots to think about. There are a lot of wise folks on this board.

 

As for your dd and leading her into adulthood, you are on the right track. Kudos! Teaching my kids to advocate for themselves and how to take charge of their medial needs was big. At this stage of the game when they are near-adults, it's all about guidance, isn't it? Someone really needs to write a manual on parenting. It would be so much easier, no?  :001_smile:

 

 

[MarkW]

I would focus on the 6 year old.  Who is watching her now?  (I get the impression that she's been withdrawn from school already? )  

 

Right now she's being watched by my wife and I in alternate shifts, but soon my wife's work schedule will be changing and leave a gap of 5-6 hours twice a week. The current not-so-great plan is to have her stay at MIL's house during those periods, but my MIL is injured and can only move one arm and she and my wife's 96 year old grandma already watch two of her sister's children who are newborn and 5, so... not such a great plan.

 

It's unlikely I'll be given much more flexibility than I already get at work, and so changes in support of this situation are likely to be significant.

[MarkW]

Do you have anything at all you can sell now? If so, list it. You could always commission works as you can find the time if everything sells. I learned that if I wait for the 'right time' to do anything, time will get away from me.

 

I'm refining my scanning and printing technique and learning to live with the equipment that I have and not the equipment I wish that I had. ;)

 

For years I did no art at all. For more than twenty years. I didn't do any work of my own because I was intensely self-conscious, to the point of not even wanting my own family to see what I was working on while I was working on it, nor usually even when it was done. So, I just stopped. It was too anxiety-ridden for me.

 

After my cardiac and other scares, I sort of got over that. I've also discovered quite to my surprise and delight that I can really paint. I mean, I'm good at it. I'm not DaVinci by any means, but I can paint and when I draw it looks competent and like it was drawn by someone who knows what they're doing. That's huge. For years I'd watch tutorials and videos and speedpainting sessions and such by people who were in the industry that I was afraid to stick my toe into, and a lot of those techniques often-studied but never-practiced seem to have stuck in my head.

 

So, I've got what I would consider a very small collection that is suitable for sale, but not large enough that I'm ready to open a store front and start posting it online. I want to have enough of a selection that my store seems credible and competent and not a hobbyist's appeal for movie money. I've seen lots of Etsy sellers "open shop' with ONE item and fail spectacularly, not because that item is bad, sometimes it's GENIUS, but after a dozen or two sales they just die off. I don't think customers regard a "store" with one item as very credible or likely to be a reliable place to send their dollars.

 

So, I'm on the cusp of it, but not there quite yet. Soon, though. By November at the latest at which point I'll be firmly in "last minute Christmas gift" territory, which may work to my benefit. :)

[Kerileanne99]

I would focus on the 6 year old. Who is watching her now? (I get the impression that she's been withdrawn from school already? )

This was my immediate thought. You have a lot more leeway with a 6-year-old than a high school senior.

What is the mandatory school age in your state?

If it is age 7, you could do more of an unschooly type thing, find more of a daycare/friend/playtime situation for her and focus on your health and permanent job options that are more conducive to homeschooling. Maybe having your elder daughter graduating in December would be an option as well.

[MarkW]

This was my immediate thought. You have a lot more leeway with a 6-year-old than a high school senior.

What is the mandatory school age in your state?

If it is age 7, you could do more of an unschooly type thing, find more of a daycare/friend/playtime situation for her and focus on your health and permanent job options that are more conducive to homeschooling. Maybe having your elder daughter graduating in December would be an option as well.

 

Unfortunately I don't think early graduation is going to work for us. I think it's a legal option in our state, but our high school has rules that deliberately make it difficult such as requiring a certain number of credits during Senior year regardless of what a student has already earned.

 

Our mandatory school age is 7, but she's already so well along in reading and math that we don't want her to just stagnate and lose skills she's gained. Daycare is prohibitively expensive for us and honestly she'd be older than everybody and quite bored, not to mention we'd be trading one nerve-wracking situation with the principal for a new nerve-wracking situation with some random licensed day care person. Horror stories abound in our state about the lack of enforcement or regulation.

 

Really our sticking point is just ten or twelve hours during the week. I'm sure we'll figure it out but while it's an open question it's very stressful.