Did homeschooling mitigate teenage drama/parent-child conflict in your house?

[EKT]

My kids are still tiny, but I love to read parenting books, and the one I'm reading now continually discusses adolescence as if it's an inevitable nightmare full of parent/child conflict and rebellion. But so many of the issues the author discusses (peer pressure, bullying, cliques, issues with grades, lack of adequate sleep due to ridiculous amounts of homework, overscheduling, etc.) all seem to be tied, in my view, mainly to SCHOOL and the school environment, not to adolescence in and of itself. A certain degree of struggle is to be expected, of course; I understand that the emotional job of teens is to separate from their parents and grow ever more independent, but does that always have to look like a battle, like a crisis?

 

So, I'm curious: do you suspect homeschooling made your child's adolescent/teen years any easier on the both of you? Or was it a nightmare even though they were homeschooled? I'd love to hear any insight/whatever thoughts you're willing to share on the issue! (It's really great to be able to learn from those further along the path of parenting.) 

 

Thanks!

[Lang Syne Boardie]

I am very, very sure that the relationship we formed through homeschooling spared me a lot of heartache. My boys aren't perfect but they're good boys, and they've all communicated well through every phase. We've not had the "I hate you" speeches or silent weeks/months/years or rebellion. Even the moments and episodes that have cost me sleep and gray hairs...even at the time those were going on, I've known I have it so much easier than normal.

 

I don't think homeschooling is an automatic free pass, though. Some families are going to be closer if they have more space. Sometimes homeschooled kids get frustrated and rebel because they feel as if they're not doing enough on their own. Sometimes parents need more of a break in order to stay on top of their game with a challenging kid, and there is NOTHING wrong with either scenario. Both are pretty natural as kids need to test their wings and fly on their way to growing up.

 

But when the relationship is there, I do think homeschooling can help families just avoid a lot of nonsense.

[regentrude]

I would agree that removing school from the situation makes it easier for teens and parents to have a good relationship.

Mine are 18 and 16. DD has finished her first year at college, DS is going into 11th grade at home.

We definitely had some changes with the teen years, a strive for independence, some mood swings and emotions, but overall my teens have been easy teens. There has been no battle and no crisis, and overall I believe we have a good relationship, even though there are occasional disagreements.

 

We definitely never had to deal with peer pressure. Both my kids have friends and are exposed to outside influences, but these never caused any difficulties. DD's friends were all several years older than her, which was a good fit for her. DS is very independent and stubborn and, I think, would be fairly immune to peer pressure anyway.

 

Homeschooling brings extra challenges, though, because any issue about school work becomes an issue of home. It is not possible to compartmentalize, and any problems with school work directly affect parent-teen relationship because, after all, I *am* the teacher/school. We are fortunate that we never had any serious issues in this respect, but I could see that that can be an area for conflict to a degree it would not be with kids who attend a b&m school.

[8filltheheart]

My response is that children are individuals and unless the person writing the book has your child living in their home, they don't know.   ;)  If I only had 2 children, #4 and #5, I would think I was the world's best parent and that I possess the advice on how to raise the greatest children in the world.  #2-3 keep me humble (#2 and then some!!)  #6-8 really haven't hit those ages yet.  

 

Homeschooling has not added any conflict in our lives.  Parent/child issues that have existed have been purely personality based and nothing else.  My kids are great kids, but they are definitely 100% human.   :)

[Martha in GA]

I don't think the teen years need to be a nightmare, whether the teens are in school or not. I think the way the family members interact with one another on a daily basis somewhat determines how that phase plays out (plus the personality of the child plays a part). Having said that, I do believe that I have been spared much drama by having my girls at home! They get to see a little bit of the drama through church, and they aren't impressed! I have graduated a son and a daughter so far. I have a 15 year old dd and a 13 year old ds still at home full time.While my 15 yo is a bit difficult at times, I would like to say that she has been like this since birth (the personality part mentioned above). I don't see my mellow 13 yo ds going through a rebellious stage either.

[marbel]

I agree with pretty much everything that has been said so far.  My teens have not been nightmares.  We've had some tough times, sure.  But nothing that I'd call a nightmare.

 

But I've always rejected the notion that the teen years will be awful.  I had some great examples of families who had kids just a few years older than mine. They didn't think rebellion and strife were inevitable, and it as it turned out, they didn't have rebellion and strife.  Now, when someone rolls their eyes and makes nasty comments about teens to me, I tell them that I love the teen years.  I truly do.  And I'm telling all the young mothers I know not to dread those years, but to look forward to them.  Maybe that attitude helps, I don't know.  I sure saw it played out in families around me.

[albeto.]

I don't think the teen years have to be a nightmare either, and I think the stress a conventional school environment may provide could be problematic for some kids. It also happens to be invigorating for others. So, it could be a variable, but not necessarily. I think another variable that people tend to underestimate is the style of conflict resolution, and expectations of family roles. 

 

In our family, we don't really have a system of "authority," and so conflict is never resolved that way. It's resolved through logical discourse. I wish I could say it's always done calmly (well it is now), but like any other skill, it takes time to figure out how it works best. Other families thrive on a system of authority and very specifically defined family roles. I think if I were to give you any encouragement, I would want to encourage you to really pay attention to how your children learn. Don't try and fight their nature, learn it, learn to apply it, teach them how to use it. Some kids are just fine with lots of supervision and mentoring. Others really crave autonomy. I think when parents are comfortable and able to allow their children to grow how they best learn, kids feel secure and respected and valued. I think when parents tend to organize a home to fit their own emotional needs (eliminate worry, for example), then I think conflict is likely to increase.

 

I would encourage you to always make time to enjoy your family as a family. Let them know that whatever happens in the home between you, blood is thicker than water and they can expect their parents and siblings have their backs. I would create all kinds of "inside jokes" and traditions that can follow you throughout the years. It's great fun to watch teenagers jump back into traditions or family jokes that haven't been enjoyed for ten years. It promotes bonding, and that helps reduce tension when conflict arises. 

 

Well, anyway, the point is, many parents who send their kids to school have great relationships, and many parents who keep their kids at home don't. I don't think school is the greatest variable to consider. I think knowing how to get along is, and that's something I suspect people just assume people know how to do, or that the style they're used to is the universal-best-option. I disagree. 

 

[ktgrok]

yes and no. We fight about schoolwork a lot, and being teacher adds a dimension of stress to our relationship. But...he gets more sleep, and that helps tremendously. And he is so much less stressed that our relationship benfits greatly. 

[EKT]

 

 

But I've always rejected the notion that the teen years will be awful. 

 

I totally agree with this attitude; so glad to hear your views! That's how I'm hoping things will play out for my girls and me. I genuinely like teens, too! (They're so interesting!) I used to teach high school, and I loved teaching teens, but I wanted to ask my OP because I understand that being the actual parent to a teen is surely very, very different from just being a teacher who spent 50 minutes per day with each class of my teen students. But I'm so glad to see the encouraging responses and positive attitudes here. Thanks! 

[Sunshine State Sue]

You have girls, and I have a boy.  If you can find it, I recommend the book A Sense of Self by Susannah Sheffer (1995).  This book was written in response to Reviving Ophelia by Mary Pipher (1994) which showed that girls lost their self-esteem during the adolescent years.  It brought about a change for girls and education.  Sheffer interviewed homeschooled adolescent girls, however, and found no such thing.  It was fascinating.

 

I found the junior high years difficult.  Puberty and menopause did not mix well in our house.  Here is a note I wrote to a friend who was considering hs'ing her ds (a year younger than my ds) at the time:

As unnatural as I think it is for puberty aged children to spend inordinate amounts of time with other puberty aged children, I also think it is just as unnatural for puberty aged boys to spend inordinate amounts of time with their (especially peri-menopausal) mothers.  Puberty aged boys ought to be out hunting with the men of the tribe.

 

I remember very clearly the day a solicitor knocked on my door, and I told him the only thing I was buying that day was military boarding school.  :banghead:

 

The high school years were easier because there was more outsourcing of school here.  It helped.

[EKT]

You have girls, and I have a boy.  If you can find it, I recommend the book A Sense of Self by Susannah Sheffer (1995).  This book was written in response to Reviving Ophelia by Mary Pipher (1994) which showed that girls lost their self-esteem during the adolescent years.  It brought about a change for girls and education.  Sheffer interviewed homeschooled adolescent girls, however, and found no such thing.  It was fascinating.

 

 

I own and have read Reviving Ophelia! SO interesting that Sheffer's book found such dramatic differences amongst homeschooled girls; I will have to find it and read it! Thanks for the rec!

[Ellie]

My kids are still tiny, but I love to read parenting books, and the one I'm reading now continually discusses adolescence as if it's an inevitable nightmare full of parent/child conflict and rebellion. But so many of the issues the author discusses (peer pressure, bullying, cliques, issues with grades, lack of adequate sleep due to ridiculous amounts of homework, overscheduling, etc.) all seem to be tied, in my view, mainly to SCHOOL and the school environment, not to adolescence in and of itself. A certain degree of struggle is to be expected, of course; I understand that the emotional job of teens is to separate from their parents and grow ever more independent, but does that always have to look like a battle, like a crisis?

 

So, I'm curious: do you suspect homeschooling made your child's adolescent/teen years any easier on the both of you? Or was it a nightmare even though they were homeschooled? I'd love to hear any insight/whatever thoughts you're willing to share on the issue! (It's really great to be able to learn from those further along the path of parenting.) 

 

Thanks!

 

FTR, I believe it's an error to *expect* that kind of behavior--any kind of negative behavior--from our children just because of their ages. My first recommendation would be for you to put that book away. :-)

 

But yes, all of the things you listed are related to school, not to home (although some homeschoolers really overschedule themselves...but that's a different thread).

 

I loved having my children at home, from birth to when they moved out on their own. I never blamed bad behavior on age (not even when they were two years old); I tried to react and discuss and train and discipline based on each child's person, not on her age.

[frogger]

I know public school parents who also don't have issues. I would say it's more about respect (both directions) and control. Genetics are in my favor also since neither my husband nor myself put our parents through too much suffering. Every relationship has some bumps though. Having multiple careers and different schools would make demands on communication, schedules and energy that much harder.

[G5052]

Bumps, but nothing major. We have a level of understanding that comes from being together a lot.

 

Some outsourcing was necessary for other reasons (i.e. my time and ability to teach certain subjects), but I think that also drops the pressure somewhat. I can be just a cheerleader on some classes.

[teeterbunch]

I, like Sue in St. Pete, have a boy.  And we, too, have had the military school discussion.  We have always homeschooled, so I can't compare how the issues would differ if my ds was in a public high school.  Of course, non-homeschooling friends and family suggest sending him to school, when I share my concerns with them.  Personally, I think whatever issues you are having homeschooling are still going to be an issue if they are in school.  The parent is still the person ultimately responsible for instilling good habits and character.  

 

I'm not sure if I would characterize the current state of affairs with my son as a crisis, although the teenage need for autonomy without the demonstrated ability to handle it, has been more difficult to navigate than I expected.  I wonder if situations that feel like a crisis when you are in the middle of them, might seem more like a "bump" once you have successfully navigated them??

 

I don't think the teen years have to be this difficult.  This child has always been hard.  I expect his younger brothers to come through adolescence a little more smoothly.

[LisaKinVA]

While I was not a perfect teen -- and my parents would say they generally had good kids -- I do feel like my kids are better teenagers than my brothers and I were.  None of us are perfect in how we relate to one another, but I do not walk on eggshells around my kids.  I feel like I can talk to my kids about many things that I never spoke with my parents about.  I feel like they come to me more often than I ever went to my parents about certain things as well.  I didn't expect bad behavior during the teen years, and so far we haven't had any.  

 

My older teenage boy is not embarrassed to be seen with me, nor is my daughter.  They voluntarily come to me to just talk or even sit.  They don't run off to see their friends as soon as we arrive somewhere, 

 

We have spent time with the oldest three (now) discussing the physical, hormonal and emotional changes they are going through. Trying to help them understand what is happening, that certain feelings are normal, and helping them develop the tools they need to grow into functioning adults (how to approach their dad and I, if they feel something is unfair, or if they should be allowed to do something, dealing with the opposite sex, school, activities, etc.).  We address these issues both before they happen, as they are happening, and after they have happened.  We talk about what they should do, what they did right, and what they could do better (and by we -- I do mean WE -- these conversations often start with questions).  Teens aren't always the best commutators, and sometimes they step in it.  Is it frustrating?  Yup.  But they still have to learn how to handle various situations.  

 

I do think homeschooling has helped -- because it gave me many, many more opportunities to guide my children and develop a relationship with them.  But, homeschooling doesn't guarantee anything.  

[Chrysalis Academy]

spam reported post #18

[daijobu]

Here's an anecdote.  

 

When my dd was in 6th grade she had a lovely group homeschooled girlfriends, including someone I'll call "Anne."  Then another girl (I'll call "Betty") was recently pulled from school and joined the group of homeschoolers, and she soon had designs on Anne.  I don't know if it was leftover from "socialization" from school or what, but she decided that Anne was first and foremost her own #1 bestie, and everyone else can take the hindmost.  Anne was flattered to be singled out, and suddenly what had been a nice stable situation became upended when Anne and Betty decided they were the cool ones, leaving everyone else behind.

 

Girls!

 

This was painful for my dd who suddenly lost her friend Anne.  Where homeschooling really helped was that we could simply decide to not hang out with this temporarily toxic situation.  While it was still painful for dd, she did not need to find someone new to sit with at lunch, or face these two girls every day in an unsupervised environment.  I also encouraged her to pursue other extracurriculars and return to park days to make new friends.  

 

Eventually, the Anne and Betty's moms got involved and had a big Kumbaya, and everything went back to normal, and dd resumed her old friendships, missing out on most of the drama and emotion.  

 

Ironically, Anne, Betty, and the other girls were also in a co-op learning situation, so the drama was much more acute for those girls than mine who is mostly schooled at home.  

 

I hope this illustrates how homeschooling gives your more power to attenuate situations which tend to waste emotional energy, particularly for girls.  Good luck!  

[The Girls' Mom]

For me, it is hard to say.  I know that our relationships have mitigated a lot of conflict.  Would we have had such good relationships had they remained in PS? I don't know.  From the way things were headed when I pulled them out, I doubt we would have been as close.  

 

We have times that it is HARD being the parent of three teen girls.  But generally, they are fun to be around, and we get along really well.  We've never had to deal with outright defiance, or any major conflicts.  

 

School environments aside, what stands out the most to me when I look at my friends who have a lot of conflict with their teens, is how they treat each other.  Often the parents that don't trust their kids, or do not treat them like someone deserving privacy and respect, are the ones who have the most troubled relationships.  (I know this isn't always the case, especially when mood disorders and such are in play, it has just been a personal observation)

[Wheres Toto]

My oldest was not  homeschooled and we maintained a strong, close relationship through the teen years.

 

Of the people I know who homeschool teens, some seem to have it easier and some seem to have it harder.  I know a few who still homeschool but use on-line or similar independent options because having to spend the time "teaching" their student caused constant conflict.

 

I'm not sure homeschooling is the only variable to consider.

 

Edited to say she was not "homeschooled"  duh.

 

[elegantlion]

I know one element of homeschooling that absolutely helped my relationship with ds, that was being able to sleep in later than 6:15. He was in private school for prek and K and it was a horrid experience to get him up that early. As a teen, he's naturally a night owl and when he has to get up very early he's grumpy. Public school would have interfered with his natural sleeping pattern enough to make mornings tense. I am not a morning person either. 

 

Outside of that, ds is a fairly easy kid. He's had a lot of say in what he studies and would have been bored in public school with some subjects. he's had more of an opportunity to define himself in high school than he might have in our small town public school. 

 

He's also strong willed and I pick my battles carefully. There are things about homeschooling I'd do differently, but I am glad we made the choice to continue through high school. 

[FloridaLisa]

 

So, I'm curious: do you suspect homeschooling made your child's adolescent/teen years any easier on the both of you? Or was it a nightmare even though they were homeschooled? I'd love to hear any insight/whatever thoughts you're willing to share on the issue! (It's really great to be able to learn from those further along the path of parenting.) 

 

Thanks!

 

 

As to your question, I suspect that homeschooling helped us navigate the high school years with less difficulty than we might have had if they were in public or private school. It's reasonable speculation. 

 

The biggest factor is the family culture. The second biggest factor is outside influence which comes between a parent child relationship. There is conflict in growing up and homeschooling doesn't eliminate that. It can be worse sometimes to have to be the heavy for school and life. But, I was happy to avoid some influences and pulls. All in all, (so far) we've had good kids and a good relationship with them.  But there have still been plenty of nights that I went to bed bewildered, heart-sick, worried. Same as the toddler years -- even with good parenting and good kids there are HARD days. 

 

Two books I highly recommend you read as your kids approach the teen years. They will mean less now, but you will nod your head in agreement in a few years. 

 

*How to Hold Onto Your Kids, Why Parents Need to Matter More than Peers, Gordon Neufeld (recommended here)

 

*Age of Opportunity, A Biblical Guide to Parenting Your Teens, Paul David Tripp

[MerryAtHope]

I think the whole "dread the teenage years" can be a self-fulfilling prophecy if people aren't careful! 

 

My kids are still tiny, but I love to read parenting books, and the one I'm reading now continually discusses adolescence as if it's an inevitable nightmare full of parent/child conflict and rebellion. 

 

I'm with Ellie, put that book away! Parenting teens should not be presented as the impending doom!

 

I'll never forget one time I had friends who were having a baby, and I wrote and said something about enjoying their new blessing. The dad wrote back and said I was the *only* person who didn't say how awful parenting would be or to "just wait" for the teen years etc...  I find that sad. 

 

My kids used to be afraid of becoming teenagers, ironically! They saw some teens who they felt were disrespectful and didn't want to become that way. When my oldest was 12, he actually asked me to let him know if he was acting that way some day! 

 

All this is not to say that we haven't had our share of drama or issues mind you. But overall, the teen years have been a joy, and I truly enjoy having these young adults in my life. 

 

I do think that homeschooling spared a lot of the drama (especially, less issues with cliques, less issues with peer pressure or kids saying they were "too old" to do something or "too cool" etc...). Again, it's not that you have zero--but wow, a lot less attitude and a lot less pressure to have to "keep up." More opportunities for individuality and to just let them be themselves and to progress at their rate academically, socially, and emotionally. Both of mine did things that most teens would have considered "childish" but they enjoyed the activities. Why shouldn't they? They'll be adults soon enough. 

 

I have known well-adjusted public school kids as well, who seemed to get along well with their parents. Someone posted above about how it's about mutual respect, and I totally agree with that. Kids of any age should be respected as persons. Their ideas, interests, cares, and hurts should not be dismissed because they are small or "insignificant" in society's age. I think if you model to young children that they don't matter much, they turn around and treat you the same way when they are teens. Likewise, they shouldn't be the center of the universe--or they'll always expect to be that. 

 

Love them, enjoy them, walk alongside and help them grow, treat them with respect and teach them how to respect and care and watch out for others as well. There are no guarantees in life, but you don't need to dread the teenage years. I really enjoy my teens.

 

 

[swellmomma]

it has its good and bad.  I think compared to the other teens in my town mine are pretty good, and individually are pretty cool kids.  THe problem for us though, is while some families bond over the closeness and constantly being around each other, my kids pretty much hate each other.  This tiny house and everyone being home all the time is not good, and I work an awful lot which is good for our financial stability but leaves them unsupervised a lot.  Good side is due to homeschooling and family values other than fighting with each other and stupid hijinx from time to time they are not using that unsupervised time to sleep around, or vandalize, or drink etc.  They need more time away from each other and more time in a structured environment but the schools by us are not an option nor is quitting my job.  So yeah I think homeschooling has prevented a lot of the angst that so many assume is just part of teens, but it brought its own form of angst as well.  Add in that the oldest has a mood disorder, and the 11 year old has adhd and apparently also has a mood disorder(oldest bipolar, 11 yr old depression) and life is not exactly coming up rainbows and unicorns.  

If I put them into ps for the teen years we would have more struggles than now, at this point if my oldest is having a mood we can postpone school until later in the day or even until the next day, if he was in ps he would be constantly truant.  THey were in ps for early elementary and it was not good.

THe school in my town has very tiny class sizes, this year out of a class size of 18 grade 9's 5 of them are pregnant. By grade 10 class sizes often drop by half as that many drop out or are expelled each year.  the biggest grad class in the 5 years I have lived here has been 12.  The school in the town I work in is slightly better, less pregnancies, more kids going on to post secondary.  drugs and alcohol, truancy etc still a big problem, plus no services for learning disabled kids, they are told to enroll in the outreach school instead.  I hate to think of the headaches I would have fighting with my teens everyday about going to school, plus all the crap they would get into with those crowds.

[ktgrok]

I should add that my teen is a total pain in the you know what a lot of the time. He's sometimes moody, he thinks he knows way more than me, that he's smarter than me, that he should be catered to, etc. He doesn't GET catered to, but he thinks he should be, lol. He is NOT a fun teen for me much of the time. He's hard. But he was hard as a kid, hard as a preteen, and is still hard. He just is a hard kid. Right now his room is a pig stye, he doesn't help out as much as he should, and he is behind in math, again. When I call him out on these things he will roll his eyes and be obnoxious. But...at least he isn't stomping feet and throwing fits like he did as a preschooler! So in that way it's easier. 

 

And yeah, if he was still having to get up at 5am to get to schoole (we tried public high school this year for a few months) it would be MUCH harder. As it is he has a lot of free time to pursue his interests, and to be by himself, and he needs that. 

[Cottonwood]

I always heard about the terrible twos.  I had DD and braced for it.  It never came and i thought SHEW!  Because she's an easy child?  DS came along...braced for it...never came.  SHEW!  He was/is a demanding, stubborn type of child when he wants to be.  Right then I stopped listening to categorizations of children's behaviors.  I look forward to all the stages and figure we'll go through them together as I try to teach them how to behave.  

 

All that being said, they homeschooled a little through Elem, then we moved and they finished up Elem to 6th grade in public school.  OMG the girl drama in 6th grade, but never prompted by DD.  She was bullied, ignored, then favored, then yanked around by the dynamics of the popular girls, etc.  UG.  We have always been close but there started to be distance as she struggled.  I always planned to homeschool each kid as they hit 7th grade.  So, I did.  that was the most beautiful year of her life so far.  We became VERY close, I saw her growing into who she was supposed to be, as opposed to the way things were headed because of the peer dynamic in school.  Homeschooling helped out her growth into the beginning teen years wonderfully.  She is SUCH a different girl now.  Relaxed, calm, loving (sometimes even to her brother LOL), self confident.

 

the next year, DS entered 7th grade and came home to school.  I have seen big benefits for him as well, and yes, in his family relationships, too.  He was much less affected by peers in school and his relationships at home were less of a struggle.  He and I have always been super close and homeschooling has been good for that as well.

 

I have found that we get sick of each other sooner as we are together all the time, but I build in times for them to get alone time, go to friends' houses, etc.  Neither complain about the school work or the actual curriculum.  If we squabble it's about all the other stuff in life. lol

 

One HUGE benefit for DD is that she needs more sleep and homeschooling is certainly allowing flexibility for that.  WHAT a difference in her when she's allowed to sleep till 8 instead of 6.  One HUGE benefit for all of us is the lack of EVERY SINGLE STINKING evening being taken up by 3 hours of homework.  the lack of homework and the additional sleep has been huge benefits that keep the tensions down.

[Splash]

No. I've had teens that struggle and teens that do awesome.

[teeterbunch]

I should also add that for my middle son, who is 14, I do feel like homeschooling during middle school has benefited him in the "less drama/pressure" department.  He is in a middle school group at church, and he tends to gravitate toward the younger middle schoolers.  He's just not into the "My girlfriend" drama.  I think this would be more difficult for him if he were in a school, segregated with kids that were in 8th grade all day.

[dhudson]

I have a graduated son and boy/girl 14 year old twins. I think having mine home as helped tremendously. However, in the younger years we worked long and hard on obedience and respect between the siblings and parents. As they got older they got a lot more freedom and we stepped back. Thus far, the teen years have been fairly painless. We talk a lot and if we have a problem we take purposeful steps to talk the conflicts through to a resolution.

 

Our teen girl (who takes after me) is strong willed and always has been but is also pretty logical so I often ask her to take her thoughts and actions through to their logical conclusion and she then generally changes her behavior. Her brothers are also helpful in helping her not to be too emotional.

 

I agree that the middle school years were tougher. Puberty is rough all around but based on what I see when middle schoolers get together, I would much rather they be home. I gave a lot of grace in those middle school years and as SWB recommends, we used the, "need a nap, need a sandwich, need some exercise or need a shower?" when things would get a little tense. Homeschooling allowed us that freedom.

[labellavita]

I don't think it needs to be a nighmare either.  My kids and I get along very well, we talk about anything.  Yes, there are times we butt heads but really, I think homeschooling has spared us a lot of drama. 

[FLHomeschool2000]

I have 5 children ages 15 down to 3 months.

 

I had hoped so, but ummm....no.

 

I think part of it is parent personality, child personality, overall rearing, free will, and hormones.

 

My 15yo just bombed a class. How? She just didn't do the homework. The only thing I could have done was to not trust her and physically look. But I thought I was doing my due diligence with the exception of a basic follow up. I was wrong.

 

Home school does not make our Tweens and teens immune. Heck, we have drama queens here.

 

BUT....

At least they are home experiencing thejr screw ups in a safe haven. At bricks and mortar, I would have no input on the variety of little things that occur.

 

I find my teen is coming around. I think being home to navigate these mistakes are a blessing to her to help her find her own way.

 

We did experience some drama from

Peers as well. But now things are mostly okay. I hope the road is easier as the siblings

age and mom and dad grow with wisdom.

[Hot Lava Mama]

I don't think you get a free pass by home schooling, but it can help.  IMO, knowing your child's friends is significantly more important.  We recently went through a phase with my teen daughter and her attitude.  I started noticing which friends were also presenting the same behavior and started discussing how "they" looked (when they were doing the offensive behaviors) with my daughter (not pointing out that her behavior was the same).  I also started conveniently being "unable" to get her to events that these same girls were also attending.  After some time, that behavior is GONE.  I am absolutely convinced her behavior was influenced by the kids surrounding her.   I think the fact that (1) I didn't point out the behavior in her and (2) didn't actively tell her we were going to put some distance between her and them helped the situation by keeping her off the defensive.  She is a delightful girl when she isn't influenced by other teens who behave badly.  We are now getting closer to a different group of teens who are respectful and support her good choices and I see those lovely behaviors showing up in her.  "Know your kids' friends" is a huge thing!

[ThisIsTheDay]

So, I'm curious: do you suspect homeschooling made your child's adolescent/teen years any easier on the both of you? Or was it a nightmare even though they were homeschooled? I'd love to hear any insight/whatever thoughts you're willing to share on the issue! (It's really great to be able to learn from those further along the path of parenting.) 

 

Thanks!

 

Homeschooling had made our relationship very close.

 

What mitigated the teen drama, imo, was my refusal to believe that such conflict was "normal" between teens and parents.

 

We had a few tough times, but I refused to think that was it and settling into that horribleness. I worked HARD to change my responses to my kid and life went back to being good. Her teen years were very, very smooth.  I'm so thankful.

[daijobu]

 I worked HARD to change my responses to my kid and life went back to being good. 

 

 

Would you mind sharing what specifically you did to help your relationship with your teen?