Mandylubug Posted June 18, 2015 Share Posted June 18, 2015 Do you intentionally get to know your neighbors? I'm not talking about the one closest to you but neighbors several houses down, half a mile a way, or the like that have kids that some times play with yours? We love our closest neighbor. They are like grandparents to my kids, they spoil them and give them treats. However, they aren't intrusive. They will call occasionally asking for a cup of sugar or if we can help with a computer issue. We borrow a rake or tiller, etc. It is a very comfortable give and take relationship. They are welcome here. They wave, we wave. Happy relationship We now have more kids my kids play with and one parent in particular is driving me bonkers. It isn't the child. She is okay other than trying to stir the pot in some neighborhood girl drama but I think that typical for 10 year old girls.. The mom on the other hand has known me a total of 3 weeks. She now messages me 3 or 4 times a week inviting her daughter over while she goes to shop, or their pool is in the shade and too cold so can her daughter come swim with ours, can they leave her here because they have some errand to run and today they called needing us to help them because their car is dead and she doesn't want to call her road side assistance. If it was a rare thing I would say okay, this is normal and I would be happy to help. However, she is half a mile away. She isn't my friend. I barely know her. We don't chat often. I barely know her girl. She has neighbors that are home and closer. DH was tired of my phone going off this morning with notifications, saw her message and muted my phone without telling me about it till hours later. He feels she is a pain in the rear and if she keeps it up we should even stop the girls from playing with her girl. I agree she is annoying the snot out of me. Anyway, I guess this is a vent, JAWM, and welcome to some advice. I know I am a horrible person for not extending daily welcome, fresh baked banana bread and social hour at my home daily. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted June 18, 2015 Share Posted June 18, 2015 I think I would limit play time to when both parents are home, and only when the girls can be outside. Except for emergencies of course. A family with kids moved in next door to me about a year ago. I've never done more than wave at the parents. Their kid plays with mine outside when it is convenient for everyone. So far there has been no request for more. As for our other neighbors, it's a smile / wave / hello when we cross paths. My kids are not allowed in anyone's house or backyard without getting permission from me first. Since the other homes don't have similar-aged kids, they have never asked. I do want the neighbors to be used to seeing my kids in the neighborhood, so they will notice if anything is off (e.g., someone pressuring them into something unsafe). But no, I don't go over there with cookies nor hold block barbecues in my yard. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fraidycat Posted June 18, 2015 Share Posted June 18, 2015 Nope. When I did, I found out that people liked to use me. For rides, free babysitting, to borrow cash, etc. It was never a two-way street. Apparently I used to be "too nice", now I'm "cynical old b...". 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne in CA Posted June 18, 2015 Share Posted June 18, 2015 I agree that people that needy will never help you when you need it yourself, lol. I would find the most painless way to end this and put a stop to it also. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Random Posted June 18, 2015 Share Posted June 18, 2015 Do you intentionally get to know your neighbors? I'm not talking about the one closest to you but neighbors several houses down, half a mile a way, or the like that have kids that some times play with yours? We love our closest neighbor. They are like grandparents to my kids, they spoil them and give them treats. However, they aren't intrusive. They will call occasionally asking for a cup of sugar or if we can help with a computer issue. We borrow a rake or tiller, etc. It is a very comfortable give and take relationship. They are welcome here. They wave, we wave. Happy relationship We now have more kids my kids play with and one parent in particular is driving me bonkers. It isn't the child. She is okay other than trying to stir the pot in some neighborhood girl drama but I think that typical for 10 year old girls.. The mom on the other hand has known me a total of 3 weeks. She now messages me 3 or 4 times a week inviting her daughter over while she goes to shop, or their pool is in the shade and too cold so can her daughter come swim with ours, can they leave her here because they have some errand to run and today they called needing us to help them because their car is dead and she doesn't want to call her road side assistance. If it was a rare thing I would say okay, this is normal and I would be happy to help. However, she is half a mile away. She isn't my friend. I barely know her. We don't chat often. I barely know her girl. She has neighbors that are home and closer. DH was tired of my phone going off this morning with notifications, saw her message and muted my phone without telling me about it till hours later. He feels she is a pain in the rear and if she keeps it up we should even stop the girls from playing with her girl. I agree she is annoying the snot out of me. Anyway, I guess this is a vent, JAWM, and welcome to some advice. I know I am a horrible person for not extending daily welcome, fresh baked banana bread and social hour at my home daily. Yuck! Set appropriate boundaries immediately, and firmly stick to them. If I were you, I'd probably answer her requests with, "That doesn't work with our schedule." 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alisoncooks Posted June 18, 2015 Share Posted June 18, 2015 We only know one neighbor. It's an older couple, the husband is in the same profession as DH (ministry) so they chat. He borrows our mower, helps us with car stuff, mows our yard for us now that DH is sick. Awesome neighbor...friendly and helpful but not necessarily a close, personal friend. Other than that, we do friendly waving at the other neighbors but couldn't tell you their names (and wouldn't recognize them out in public). 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mandylubug Posted June 18, 2015 Author Share Posted June 18, 2015 What is funny (or not) is several years ago I got this random birthday invite in our mailbox. I had NO clue who this child was and assumed it was mailed to the wrong family. It didn't have my girls names on it. I forgot how they titled it but they clearly didn't know my family well. I trashed it. Several months later after invite,my neighbor (the one I do love very much who we will call T) was driving home and noticed a little girl walking on the side of the road. Like 4 or 5 years old. This part of our road is all trees, pastures and she was walking towards a very busy highway. So T pulled over talked to her for a little bit and then drove her to what she assumed was her home. The girl led her there to the neighbor I am having issues with. Long story short, the neighbor in question had told the girl to get off the school bus and just come play with her daughter. T refused to leave this little girl with her and made the little girl again give her directions to home. She drove her home. Turns out the dad works nights and is always sleeping when this girl got off the school bus. Inappropriate neighbor had convinced her to just leave home and walk the road to visit. Well over a mile away. While my neighbor, T, was getting back in her car, the inappropriate neighbor commented to her to please tell ME that she was trying to arrange a play date between our girls and her daughter and to contact her. She had been the one leaving the random birthday party invite in my mailbox. My neighbor told her we homeschool and never let the kids play with neighbor kids. It is one of those things that I didn't witness in person really. It was crazy at the time. My girls were 5. It has been 5 years and I suppose crazy neighbor took T for her word that I wasn't interested until recently. My girls are older and roam a bit further away from home playing with other kids. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tanaqui Posted June 18, 2015 Share Posted June 18, 2015 Repeat after me: No is a complete sentence. Now, stand in the mirror and practice saying this with a straight face: No, that won't work for us. No, that won't work for us. No, that won't work for us. For maximum impact, never vary your phrasing. It is unnecessary to give an explanation. It is unnecessary to pad it with a "sorry", although you may if you like. (Then again, she may interpret that as genuine sorrow than simple manners, so use your best judgment.) It is okay to turn her down and say no. You have no obligations towards this woman. You know why she doesn't ask all those people who live so much closer to her than you do? Because they're on to her game and have blocked her on their phones! No is a complete sentence. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mandylubug Posted June 18, 2015 Author Share Posted June 18, 2015 Repeat after me: No is a complete sentence. Now, stand in the mirror and practice saying this with a straight face: No, that won't work for us. No, that won't work for us. No, that won't work for us. For maximum impact, never vary your phrasing. It is unnecessary to give an explanation. It is unnecessary to pad it with a "sorry", although you may if you like. (Then again, she may interpret that as genuine sorrow than simple manners, so use your best judgment.) It is okay to turn her down and say no. You have no obligations towards this woman. You know why she doesn't ask all those people who live so much closer to her than you do? Because they're on to her game and have blocked her on their phones! No is a complete sentence. I have been saying no lately. DH says stop responding even with "no" but I will admit my Nos typically have an explanation of why I can't. We are leaving, pool is being shocked, etc.. Dh says I am being too kind. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kewb Posted June 18, 2015 Share Posted June 18, 2015 No, I do not. We wave. Sometimes if we are outside at the same time we will chat about the weather or things going on in the neighborhood. That is as close as I want to be. As for being taken advantage of, just say no. You do not need to be anyone's door mat. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tanaqui Posted June 18, 2015 Share Posted June 18, 2015 I have been saying no lately. DH says stop responding even with "no" but I will admit my Nos typically have an explanation of why I can't. We are leaving, pool is being shocked, etc.. Dh says I am being too kind. In the long run, maybe it's kinder to be direct. If you keep giving excuses, you send the message that you'd LOVE to help. And you wouldn't love to help. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shawthorne44 Posted June 18, 2015 Share Posted June 18, 2015 We love the neighbor kid, but then it is a two-way street. Also, the neighbor single-handedly saved our house. The house was almost ready to move in. We expanded the master bedroom to the front porch and hadn't finished the exterior so the view of the house from the street wasn't great. But, a demolition company was supposed to tear down a neighbor house and they were setting up in our front yard when our neighbor confronted them. The two houses don't even share any of the same numbers. So, we started out grateful. I'd say that they play over there as much as over here. They are grateful that we take the neighbor boy to a play places. it is really for our benefit though. If there isn't a kid to play with her, she wants to play with *us*, and we'd rather rest and read. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted June 18, 2015 Share Posted June 18, 2015 I have been saying no lately. DH says stop responding even with "no" but I will admit my Nos typically have an explanation of why I can't. We are leaving, pool is being shocked, etc.. Dh says I am being too kind. Your dh is right. If you have said no to her requests more than a few times and this woman still hasn't gotten the hint, she is incredibly rude and pushy, and you need to be very direct with her. Personally, I would be at the point where I would come right out and tell her to stop asking me for favors. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goldberry Posted June 18, 2015 Share Posted June 18, 2015 We're friendly wavers. I barely have enough time for the people I value to waste time for people who are just acquaintances. (Qualifying, unless it was an actual emergency or serious need of some sort.) 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laura Corin Posted June 18, 2015 Share Posted June 18, 2015 We live in a village and we attend village events to get to know people. We introduce ourselves to people when it seems natural: last week I introduced myself to some people who were just finishing building a pond. I expressed admiration for it, and we got talking. There are about 100 houses in the village. However, all the relationships are quite casual, with no pressure. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grover Posted June 18, 2015 Share Posted June 18, 2015 Nope. I know the names of the ones who share our driveway and we wave / let each other know if we're going away sort of thing, but that's all. We have a public park over the fence and the kids play with some of the neighbourhood kids there sometimes in summer, but mostly they prefer it when the park is empty, lol! Otherwise we wave if they're out when we go by, but I don't know any of them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted June 18, 2015 Share Posted June 18, 2015 All mine are dead. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted June 19, 2015 Share Posted June 19, 2015 Yes, I know most of our neighbors in a neighborly way. And yes, I intentionally get to know them. Your problem sounds specific to that neighbor. (A very long time ago - like over 10 years ago - we did have an older woman ring our doorbell and when I answered, deposited a young boy on the doorstep and said "Can you watch him? I'll be back later." As I sputtered in shock, she hopped in a vehicle and drove away. When she came back hours later, we discovered the reason for her strange behavior - her sister, the boy's grandmother, was having being taken to the ER with a heart attack. We nicely explained that in case of future emergencies we'd appreciate a bit more information but they never did anything like that again!) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SparklyUnicorn Posted June 19, 2015 Share Posted June 19, 2015 No, but that's typical of the area I live in. People don't generally get to know neighbors. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reefgazer Posted June 19, 2015 Share Posted June 19, 2015 I'm super-sociable, but this isn't sociable, it's looking for free babysitting. I have an acquaintance like that who tries to do the stuff you describe. I stopped him by ceasing to be available. As in, I purposefully didn't return texts or calls right away, even mundane non-favor-asking texts, so he got in the habit of me not being immediately available. Then the time would pass for me to watch his kids. Lather. Rinse. Repeat. Do you intentionally get to know your neighbors? I'm not talking about the one closest to you but neighbors several houses down, half a mile a way, or the like that have kids that some times play with yours? We love our closest neighbor. They are like grandparents to my kids, they spoil them and give them treats. However, they aren't intrusive. They will call occasionally asking for a cup of sugar or if we can help with a computer issue. We borrow a rake or tiller, etc. It is a very comfortable give and take relationship. They are welcome here. They wave, we wave. Happy relationship We now have more kids my kids play with and one parent in particular is driving me bonkers. It isn't the child. She is okay other than trying to stir the pot in some neighborhood girl drama but I think that typical for 10 year old girls.. The mom on the other hand has known me a total of 3 weeks. She now messages me 3 or 4 times a week inviting her daughter over while she goes to shop, or their pool is in the shade and too cold so can her daughter come swim with ours, can they leave her here because they have some errand to run and today they called needing us to help them because their car is dead and she doesn't want to call her road side assistance. If it was a rare thing I would say okay, this is normal and I would be happy to help. However, she is half a mile away. She isn't my friend. I barely know her. We don't chat often. I barely know her girl. She has neighbors that are home and closer. DH was tired of my phone going off this morning with notifications, saw her message and muted my phone without telling me about it till hours later. He feels she is a pain in the rear and if she keeps it up we should even stop the girls from playing with her girl. I agree she is annoying the snot out of me. Anyway, I guess this is a vent, JAWM, and welcome to some advice. I know I am a horrible person for not extending daily welcome, fresh baked banana bread and social hour at my home daily. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
8circles Posted June 19, 2015 Share Posted June 19, 2015 I know I am a horrible person for not extending daily welcome, fresh baked banana bread and social hour at my home daily. ?? Why would you say that? You are under no obligation to respond to her at all, let alone in the affirmative. This isn't a friend, it's a mooch. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted June 19, 2015 Share Posted June 19, 2015 All mine are dead. All of your neighbors are dead? Did you kill them? :leaving: ;) . 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted June 19, 2015 Share Posted June 19, 2015 Did you kill them? :leaving: ;) . I'm pretty sure they are all buried - in a cemetery. But of course we don't know if she put them there. . . . :scared: 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted June 19, 2015 Share Posted June 19, 2015 I'm pretty sure they are all buried - in a cemetery. But of course we don't know if she put them there. . . . :scared: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arcadia Posted June 19, 2015 Share Posted June 19, 2015 Your neighbor has wear out her welcome. I know my neighbors as my mailman love to put mail in the wrong letterboxes. However the kids are all in summer daycare or at grandparents for the summer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mandylubug Posted June 19, 2015 Author Share Posted June 19, 2015 All of your neighbors are dead? Did you kill them? :leaving: ;) . :smilielol5: :willy_nilly: :zombie: 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mandylubug Posted June 19, 2015 Author Share Posted June 19, 2015 ?? Why would you say that? You are under no obligation to respond to her at all, let alone in the affirmative. This isn't a friend, it's a mooch. I was being sarcastic. but I agree: an annoying mooch. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amy in NH Posted June 19, 2015 Share Posted June 19, 2015 Our closest neighbors are a mile away in each direction. There is a big hayfield bordered by the river behind us, so no neighbors that way within shouting distance (we do hear cows mooing and dogs barking occasionally). We have lived here eight years and have never met any of our neighbors, but we do know the people with the farm down the road who own the hayfield behind us. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amy in NH Posted June 19, 2015 Share Posted June 19, 2015 All mine are dead. You live in a cemetery? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SparklyUnicorn Posted June 19, 2015 Share Posted June 19, 2015 :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: Hahaha... I think my neighbors might be more exciting if they were dead. That's how exciting they are! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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