Ann.without.an.e Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 nm Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mandylubug Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 I don't feel guilty if I am noticed by another male. I am not responsible for their actions. Ever. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoobie Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 I don't feel guilty if I am noticed by another male. I am not responsible for their actions. Ever. What she said! (Absent you know, grinding on some other dude...) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ann.without.an.e Posted January 26, 2015 Author Share Posted January 26, 2015 I don't feel guilty if I am noticed by another male. I am not responsible for their actions. Ever. Thank you. I am sincerely interested in feedback on this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Isabella Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 No, I don't feel guilty. I'm flattered, but never guilty! Part of being human is attraction to others. I don't feel guilty when I admire another man, or even admire a woman's beauty, neither should men feel guilty. Of course, if the admiration is overt in any way, the admirer runs the risk of offending, annoying or upsetting the admiree (i doubt that's a word, but anyway :), or the partner of the admirer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slache Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 No. I dress appropriately so I've done nothing wrong. You're just too cute is all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ann.without.an.e Posted January 26, 2015 Author Share Posted January 26, 2015 No. I dress appropriately so I've done nothing wrong. You're just too cute is all. Love your profile pic :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dory Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 Nope, not at all. Guys are always going to look. I don't have control over them, and I refuse to have their actions dictate my actions. If I'm dressed modestly, I'm allowed to wear clothes that flatter my body and if a guy notices, well I guess that means I look alright. Beyond that, I really don't care. I've had a guy hit on me and ask me to prom with him when I was 6 months pregnant with my oldest. I had another guy ask me out while I was buying groceries with three kids. That's not my problem. It's theirs. So take the flattering and leave the rest. It's not your problem. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Word Nerd Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 No. Why should I? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ann.without.an.e Posted January 26, 2015 Author Share Posted January 26, 2015 Ok so like so many other things in my life....this is just another unnecessary burden that I don't need to be carrying. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ann.without.an.e Posted January 26, 2015 Author Share Posted January 26, 2015 No. I dress appropriately so I've done nothing wrong. You're just too cute is all. and what about yoga pants...are yoga pants considered "appropriate"? I keep going back and forth on this one. I love my yoga pants and I definitely wear them to the gym. They are not super duper tight. Are they considered appropriate outside of the gym? In your opinion? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paige Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 No. Not at all. I may feel uncomfortable, but not guilty. I feel guilty if I hit a squirrel or if I inadvertently say something hurtful. I don't feel guilty for anything other people do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Isabella Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 Ok so like so many other things in my life....this is just another unnecessary burden that I don't need to be carrying. Good job for recognizing it as a false belief pattern! There are so many enjoyable and fun things in life, that it's too bad when false beliefs mean that our enjoyment in normal and natural things is lessened. If you are interested, google Theta healing, or Now healing. If you can find someone close to you that does either or both, both are great for releasing false beliefs that we have either as a result of our own experiences, or that have been handed down (subconsciously) from our parents. It's very freeing to let go of them. :) It sounds a bit woo-woo, but when you understand the processes underpinning it, it makes complete sense. And best of all, it does work. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hornblower Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 I don't feel guilty. I don't really feel flattered. My body is mine. I don't like street harassment or leering. I don't always dress "modestly" either. I dress in what I like. If someone of any gender compliments my appearance in a non creepy way, I do appreciate it and thank them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Isabella Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 and what about yoga pants...are yoga pants considered "appropriate"? I keep going back and forth on this one. I love my yoga pants and I definitely wear them to the gym. They are not super duper tight. Are they considered appropriate outside of the gym? In your opinion? Whatever you like! If you want to wear it - go for it! I think yoga pants are cute. I don't wear pants except around the house, but that's only because I'm a skirts girl mostly. But if I see them on people down the street, it doesn't concern me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slache Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 and what about yoga pants...are yoga pants considered "appropriate"? I keep going back and forth on this one. I love my yoga pants and I definitely wear them to the gym. They are not super duper tight. Are they considered appropriate outside of the gym? In your opinion? My yoga pants are black, fitted around my butt and upper thighs and then flair out. The color does not really allow for a detailed image of my body and I wear a longish shirt that covers half my butt. I think I'm fine. I have a 22 year old male friend who really likes women and says he thinks I look appropriate. I would not wear light colored yoga pants and I would not wear a short, but conservative, shirt on top of them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 Guilty? No. Amused, mostly. A bit flattered. And that is even if I'm wearing my super tight pants. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slache Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 "There is something about yoga pants that attract men. I LOVE yoga pants on you." -my husband Maybe I was wrong? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ann.without.an.e Posted January 26, 2015 Author Share Posted January 26, 2015 My yoga pants are black, fitted around my butt and upper thighs and then flair out. The color does not really allow for a detailed image of my body and I wear a longish shirt that covers half my butt. I think I'm fine. I have a 22 year old male friend who really likes women and says he thinks I look appropriate. I would not wear light colored yoga pants and I would not wear a short, but conservative, shirt on top of them. Sounds exactly like my yoga pant attire. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hornblower Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 I wear yoga pants and leggings. If you find them comfortable and you like how you look in them, wear them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arcadia Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 I love my yoga pants and I definitely wear them to the gym. They are not super duper tight. Are they considered appropriate outside of the gym? In your opinion? I see plenty going shopping in yoga pants after classss at the YMCA. It's not pyjamas :lol: and if someone wants to shop in pyjamas it won't bother me either. I won't feel flattered or guilty if a guy notice me. I was in a male dominated field and there are lots more males than females in my extended family. I guess I am apathetic. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ann.without.an.e Posted January 26, 2015 Author Share Posted January 26, 2015 I wear yoga pants and leggings. If you find them comfortable and you like how you look in them, wear them. I love them, actually. One of my fav features is my legs because they have a nice shape but then I have these horrible varicose veins so I don't wear shorts...so I love leggings. I steer away from wearing them unless it is with a skirt or very long shirt though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garga Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 Yoga pants! You must have missed the yoga pant threads. Some people have a scarlet Y in their signatures indicating they wear yoga pants. I don't feel guilty at all. I consider myself a pretty average looking woman and I've almost never noticed men noticing me. Actually, I feel a little bad about not being noticed. Do they all think I'm ugly?? I don't try to get attention, but I dress in what I hope are flattering clothes and I don't get a single glance as far as I can tell. It kinda makes me feel bad. You ought not feel guilty. You're carrying something that you don't need to carry. There's nothing wrong with men finding women attractive. It's natural. Men can reign in their thoughts if they get out of control. It's not your job to reign in their thoughts. You haven't done anything wrong by simply existing as a female and being within a man's sight. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slache Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 I love them, actually. One of my fav features is my legs because they have a nice shape but then I have these horrible varicose veins so I don't wear shorts...so I love leggings. I steer away from wearing them unless it is with a skirt or very long shirt though. Tie a belly dancing scarf around them. Super feminine, super pretty, conservative. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Word Nerd Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 and what about yoga pants...are yoga pants considered "appropriate"? I keep going back and forth on this one. I love my yoga pants and I definitely wear them to the gym. They are not super duper tight. Are they considered appropriate outside of the gym? In your opinion? I don't wear yoga pants to work or to a dressy event or venue, obviously, but I consider them appropriate casual wear in public in general. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MiMi 4under3 Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 ...isn't there something in you that feels guilty if/when men notice you? We are female so there is always a part of us that is flattered, right? Is there always that other part that feels a little guilty, like we did something wrong? Feel guilty? Never! Even if I was wearing a miniskirt and high heels I would not feel guilty for another person's actions! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ann.without.an.e Posted January 26, 2015 Author Share Posted January 26, 2015 I did miss that thread. Thanks for explaining the scarlet Y that I sometimes see. I wear them a lot...like a whole lot ;) Yoga pants! You must have missed the yoga pant threads. Some people have a scarlet Y in their signatures indicating they wear yoga pants. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 I don't experience it as guilt. I might feel a little embarrassed for the guy if he seemed to have gone out of his way to approach me, only to infer or realize that I am not available. This actually just happened to me last week, while I was at the mall waiting for a computer repair. But, no, I don't feel guilty. I was not dressed in any overtly attractive way, but I was dressed with normal care. I guess kudos to him for being bold enough to attempt to meet me. It makes me a little proud, really. It's not the most terrible thing to learn that I *could* still be a choice for someone if I was not committed already. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MiMi 4under3 Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 Yoga pants! You must have missed the yoga pant threads. Some people have a scarlet Y in their signatures indicating they wear yoga pants. See, I thought the Y was for people who identified themselves as believers in Young Earth! :lol: :lol: :lol: Seriously, I did! :blush: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wintermom Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 I'm a shy person, so I've sometimes felt a little embarrassed about attention from men (not that it happens that often). I've never felt guilty, though. I just don't really like doing things that draw attention to myself. I do feel guilt in other things (such as eating too much chocolate), but these are actions that I've done and wish I hadn't. Someone noticing me is nothing I've done actively, so I've never had any guilty feelings. Do you know what exactly you are feeling guilty about? Do you feel that somehow just walking along, minding your own business, or even smiling politely at someone, you are doing something you shouldn't? I don't really understand what would initiate feelings of guilt? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elfgivas Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 i've written and rewritten this response. and i just deleted the fourth try. short version: i don't feel guilty when someone likes the way i look. i dress for me, and wear what makes me feel wonderful. and i'm sorry that you do feel guilty. it might help if you're able to figure out where that came from. :grouphug: ann Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 No guilt. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PIE! Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 I've never felt guilty. Flattered if it's a quiet, kind, and appropriate response. Embarrassed if it's over the top. Annoyed and disgusted if it's inappropriate. But I don't think I've ever felt guilty. But I've also never worn anything scanty either. I honestly don't know how I'd feel if I was dressed in a bikini, because I'm too shy to ever try. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SemiSweet Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 Nope, no guilt whatsoever about other people's actions. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SunnyDays Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 Never, ever feel guilty about someone finding you attractive while you're simply going about your day. Really. It's nothing you've done, simply the lovely woman that you are. And I truly hope you're able to make peace with that. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DesertBlossom Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 No, I don't feel at all guilty. Or rather, I wouldn't feel guilty. I can't remember the last time I was "checked out" by a guy. Unless it's just not on my radar of things to notice. I am actually more inclined to be creeped out or offended. There is so much more to me than just my body and if that's the first or only thing a guy notices, I'd think he was incredibly shallow. I mean, I LOVE knowing that DH finds me attractive, even when I'm not feeling it. I want him to notice me. But he also knows everything else about me and loves me anyway. Years ago I spent a few months in Central America teaching English. The men there would "ch ch ch" to get a woman's attention. And since we stuck out like a sore thumb, everywhere we went there was "ch ch ch ch." It was not flattering at all. I noticed though that the men would even "ch ch" to pregnant women walking down the street. All I could think was that's got to be a really good indication that she is NOT available. Why are you cat-calling her? So creepy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Peregrine Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 I don't feel guilty. It's biology. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cammie Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 Nope, would never, ever occur to me to feel guilty. Flattered sometimes. Uncomfortable other times. But never, ever guilty. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tanaqui Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 People in some subcultures are perhaps more prone to feeling guilt over this, but I think that's not helpful. You are not responsible for anybody's behavior but your own and, to a lessening extent as they get older, that of your minor children. How you dress is your business. Other people's reactions are theirs. If their internal thoughts bother them that much, they should learn not to look. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SereneHome Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 huh....I'll let you know when that happens. For right now - I am wearing my mom's pants and maternity shirts even though my youngest is 3.5. Yes, I am that fat and still haven't lost any of the "baby" fat. I did promise myself to look half decent by this summer, bc boys want to go to the beach and I don't want to wear pants and T-shirts when I go into the water with them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ann.without.an.e Posted January 26, 2015 Author Share Posted January 26, 2015 Do you know what exactly you are feeling guilty about? I really don't want to open this can of worms but.....here ya go ;) I come from a conservative home. My parents never pushed the agenda too hard but I heard it in other realms (church, sermons, etc) that to draw the attention of a man means that I have made them stumble somehow. I know it isn't true, but that check is still there. The guilt isn't strong because I don't wear scanty clothing (and I have never ever worn a bikini, etc.). But it is still slightly there, if you know what I mean. For example, I was at my mom's office last week. I dropped by to take her a treat I had gotten her. I do not go to her office very often. I spoke to only her and no one else. She called me to tell me that after I left two different guys showed up at her office right after I left wanting to know who I was and if I was available (one just said "man, she's fine!"). The first thing I thought was....dang, what was I wearing? What did I do? I thought back through it....jeans, athletic shoes, pony tail, and even a jacket that I never took off. It was athletic in nature so it wasn't super loose but still.....I had on two layers of clothing. There was a part of me that felt like "wow, it is nice to be noticed" and then that other part that immediately wondered what I did wrong or even felt guilty that their inquiry gave me a nice feeling. I face more of the pick up type stuff at the gym because (even though I am pretty modest) I am in yoga pants and a tank top AND 50% of the guys are there to pick up a girl anyway so I am a natural target :rolleyes: I just ignore them, roll my eyes, or act ignorant. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ann.without.an.e Posted January 26, 2015 Author Share Posted January 26, 2015 huh....I'll let you know when that happens. For right now - I am wearing my mom's pants and maternity shirts even though my youngest is 3.5. Yes, I am that fat and still haven't lost any of the "baby" fat. I did promise myself to look half decent by this summer, bc boys want to go to the beach and I don't want to wear pants and T-shirts when I go into the water with them. I am sorry. My post was not intended to make anyone feel bad. I have been there - with all young children and baggy clothes. Really, I have :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SparklyUnicorn Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 No. But honestly I wouldn't even notice if that happened. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
El... Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 There is a weird thing in our culture that women try to shame others if the men find them attractive. It is a way of keeping down the "competition". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 I really don't want to open this can of worms but.....here ya go ;) I come from a conservative home. My parents never pushed the agenda too hard but I heard it in other realms (church, sermons, etc) that to draw the attention of a man means that I have made them stumble somehow. I know it isn't true, but that check is still there. The guilt isn't strong because I don't wear scanty clothing (and I have never ever worn a bikini, etc.). But it is still slightly there, if you know what I mean. For example, I was at my mom's office last week. I dropped by to take her a treat I had gotten her. I do not go to her office very often. I spoke to only her and no one else. She called me to tell me that after I left two different guys showed up at her office right after I left wanting to know who I was and if I was available (one just said "man, she's fine!"). The first thing I thought was....dang, what was I wearing? What did I do? I thought back through it....jeans, athletic shoes, pony tail, and even a jacket that I never took off. It was athletic in nature so it wasn't super loose but still.....I had on two layers of clothing. There was a part of me that felt like "wow, it is nice to be noticed" and then that other part that immediately wondered what I did wrong or even felt guilty that their inquiry gave me a nice feeling. I face more of the pick up type stuff at the gym because (even though I am pretty modest) I am in yoga pants and a tank top AND 50% of the guys are there to pick up a girl anyway so I am a natural target :rolleyes: I just ignore them, roll my eyes, or act ignorant. See? Proof as to that upbringing tainting people (mostly women) forever. It is true you might never fully get past that internal check. So long as you turn it right around and recognize that you are not doing anything wrong by simply being appealing. I also think there is a lot that is about carriage, not baggy pants or ponytails. If you are walking about with a confident and bright demeanor, that is attractive and people notice. Once they notice that much, it isn't hard to notice other nice features (wow, she also has some smokin' legs/eyes/skin/smile...) The man that chatted with me at the mall asked me if I go to the gym. :D My immediate thought was, "What? I'm wearing a down parka cuz it's like nine degrees!" I don't think it was so much him assessing my bod as he was looking for any probable opener, and if I had been giving off "available" vibes afterwards, he could have asked what gym, said he goes there too, etc. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MFG Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 and what about yoga pants...are yoga pants considered "appropriate"? I keep going back and forth on this one. I love my yoga pants and I definitely wear them to the gym. They are not super duper tight. Are they considered appropriate outside of the gym? In your opinion? I decide what is appropriate for me to wear. Not anyone else, and certainly not random guys off the street. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SparklyUnicorn Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 The types of people who would oogle obnoxiously are probably often the types of people who don't particularly care what you wear. I remember I was out delivering newspapers at 4 in the morning when I was in junior high. I had on my coke bottle thick glasses, sweat pants, winter jacket, etc. Definitely not in the "hot" category by any stretch of anyone's imagination. Some guy actually stopped to make lewd comments! LOL I laughed at him and kept walking. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ann.without.an.e Posted January 26, 2015 Author Share Posted January 26, 2015 I also think there is a lot that is about carriage, not baggy pants or ponytails. If you are walking about with a confident and bright demeanor, that is attractive and people notice. Once they notice that much, it isn't hard to notice other nice features (wow, she also has some smokin' legs/eyes/skin/smile...) Yes, I think this is true. I do smile a lot and hold myself confidently. I lift, I run, I have muscle tone....it comes with the territory and all ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MFG Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 I am also not afraid of sexual thoughts, my own or anyone else's. What one does with such thoughts may be appropriate or inappropriate but the mere existence of thoughts is not a problem. I have no interest in living in some weird asexual world. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maize Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 Ok so like so many other things in my life....this is just another unnecessary burden that I don't need to be carrying. Yep. Don't feel guilty. Men are designed to notice women, that's not something for either to feel guilty about. What they do when they notice is on their shoulders, not yours. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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