Ugh!! Has anyone ever had a child do this??

[SaltLifeNC]

Today my six year old son refused to do his work. No tantrum, no back talk...just stubbornly stared straight ahead ignoring me and his reading!! It disrupted the entire day. My girls were distracted from their math test trying to urge him to do the reading. We are using Phonics Pathways, he doesn't really like it, but in my opinion that's no excuse! So...I took away his xbox and told him if he wanted to stare at the wall that was fine but all fun stuff for the day was off limits. Around 5:00 (when he's usually allowed to play Minecraft), he came to me and said he was ready to do his reading. We didn't do it and he still has no Xbox...have any of you run into this kind of thing? How do you handle it? I am searching for another reading program, but how do you handle this type of stubbornness?

[Farrar]

Wait, when he was ready, you didn't do it? Why not? If it was important, then shouldn't you do it? If you don't do it, doesn't that send a message that it's all just a power struggle between the two of you? Unless, of course, you were too busy then? In which case, I guess that's natural consequences...

[Jasperstone]

Today my six year old son refused to do his work. No tantrum, no back talk...just stubbornly stared straight ahead ignoring me and his reading!! It disrupted the entire day. My girls were distracted from their math test trying to urge him to do the reading. We are using Phonics Pathways, he doesn't really like it, but in my opinion that's no excuse! So...I took away his xbox and told him if he wanted to stare at the wall that was fine but all fun stuff for the day was off limits. Around 5:00 (when he's usually allowed to play Minecraft), he came to me and said he was ready to do his reading. We didn't do it and he still has no Xbox...have any of you run into this kind of thing? How do you handle it? I am searching for another reading program, but how do you handle this type of stubbornness?

 

When you find the solution please let me know!  My ds 9 has been like this for years......Sigh!!!

 

He only does his work effortlessly when there is something exciting coming up. Otherwise, it's like pulling teeth trying to motivate him to get the very basics done.

 

I also strip all computer games and television viewing until he has done his work. Sometimes it helps, other times it doesn't.

 

I'm in tears often. We even went to the local PS last week, and had a tour......... I can't bring myself to booking him in there....yet.

[City Mouse]

My DD did something like that to her first grade teacher over a Mad Minute page (timed addition fact practice) back in first grade. She just hated doing them. Usually the teacher would send them home. One day the teacher got really angry and made her sit out in the hallway at a desk until she completed the paper. My DD refused, and spent the entire day sitting in the hall. My DD was so stubborn. You could not punish her into doing anything that she did not want to do. Definitely a power struggle.

 

There were a lot of other problems with that teacher though, and I can't remember what came of that (14 yrs later)

[5LittleMonkeys]

Hmm, I would not sit down at the end of the day to do phonics with a child that had been stubborn enough to put it off all day long. I do teach my children that school is important but I also teach them that my time is valuable and that I do not sit around waiting all day long for them to be "ready" to do school.  

 

I would have handled it the same way...you loose your privileges until you earn them back by being consistently cooperative. Without knowing your dc it's hard to know whether it's the program or if he's just testing his limits.  I'd allow him a few days to earn his electronics back and to re-establish cooperativeness before I'd jump ship on your program.  I don't know...maybe I'm just a mean mother but even if a child dislikes a program I'm using (which I'm always very sensitive to and am willing to work out with the child if I feel we've given every effort to make my preferred program work) I still expect obedience. 

[SaltLifeNC]

Wait, when he was ready, you didn't do it? Why not? If it was important, then shouldn't you do it? If you don't do it, doesn't that send a message that it's all just a power struggle between the two of you? Unless, of course, you were too busy then? In which case, I guess that's natural consequences...

No, I didn't do it when he was ready...yes, I was busy with dinner and had a meeting to go to, but honestly I don't think I'd have done it with him anyway. Yes, it is a power struggle and I believe he has to realize that I am the boss - not him. If I had done it with him when he was ready wouldn't I be setting myself up for him to do the same thing day after day? I have to stick to a schedule or chaos will ensue and nothing will get done.

 

I'm just looking for options, in case losing his xbox isn't that important.

[Korrale]

Would the thought of weekend school bother him. Maybe set a timer for his work and anything he does not get done during the week he would have to do on the weekend.

Or maybe a few days with his privileges revoked might make him end the power struggle.

Try and talk to him about it in a non threatening tone later in the day when he is being more amiable. Maybe it is the program.

Something we always talk to my son about is that we all have to do things that we don't want to do. We explain the consequences of what would happen if I didn't do my duties. I don't like doing the dishes or laundry, or cooking dinner some nights. But if I don't my son would not have clothes to wear or food to eat. My husband sometimes doesn't feel like going to work but if he stood there and didn't do his work, or he threw a fit there would be serious ramifications. We don't sugar coat those things.

 

I will bring this up just in case there is an issue. Could he have a vision problem?

[SaltLifeNC]

I'm in tears often. We even went to the local PS last week, and had a tour......... I can't bring myself to booking him in there....yet.

I can definitely relate! He did the first half of kindergarten in public school and keeps saying that he wants to go back...it was not a good school, at all, which is why I took him out. I know this is a phase where he's trying to see what he can get away with, but it's sooo frustrating!

[Farrar]

You have an incredibly stubborn kid. It's a rare 6 yo who can sit there all day and just calmly refuse. Speaking as a formerly incredibly stubborn kid, the harder you push, the harder he'll push. You're not going to win by making it a power struggle. Why does it matter "who's the boss"? Isn't what matters that the day run smoothly and he get a good education? Don't get me wrong - every once in awhile you have to get into the battle of wills with a kid, but this is a single reading lesson with a program you admit isn't right for him with a kid so young that in some countries he wouldn't even be doing formal reading lessons yet. It's not a safety issue. He wasn't cruel to anyone. Was this really worth it? Is this really the hill to die on, the battle to pick?

 

Feel free to disregard my advice though. I think from reading what you wrote that we're probably coming from really different places in terms of our goals.

[Tanaqui]

If I had done it with him when he was ready wouldn't I be setting myself up for him to do the same thing day after day? I have to stick to a schedule or chaos will ensue and nothing will get done.

 

Maybe. Would it be so bad to set your schedule to do it later in the day, if that's when he's receptive to it? Why does he dislike that program so much, do you know?

 

The older kiddo is like that here. Back in school she simply wouldn't do any homework she didn't like. God, the fights. And she's older than yours, too, she's 11 already! One of the reasons we decided to homeschool was to get away from garbage power plays over unpleasant work. If she really has an objection to an assignment or curriculum, I am more than willing to do whatever it takes to get one she is willing to do. Because I spent five years with exactly the behavior you described (and that was on good days!) and I don't want it anymore.

 

Of course, she can be like this about other things as well. I always want to outstubborn her. I can do it, too. But then I'm just sinking down to her level. She's miserable, I'm miserable, and the chores and schoolwork aren't getting done. I always find I get better results with kindness than strictness just for the sake of being strict and consistent. In fact, I remember this from my own childhood. I'd calm down, I'd be ready to join the rest of the family or class again - and if they locked me out at that point with "Well, you missed your chance, now you can't do it" I would be absolutely heartbroken. It didn't help.

 

[Joker]

Honestly, if my dds hated a program so bad that they refused to do their work then I would find an alternative. I have one who has never cared about control and one that most definitely does need to have some. Our relationship suffered the whole time I thought I needed to be boss and in control. I learned there could be a happy medium. That same dd does wonderfully now in ps high school so it definitely didn't hurt her to know she was allowed some say so in our homeschool.

 

You say you are looking for something new so I'm assuming you know it's not working. I guess I don't get why he has to do something you both know isn't working.

[5LittleMonkeys]

My best advice would be to treat his little power struggle in a very non-emotional, matter of fact way.  The more emotion you show - the more "show" you give them - the longer they will continue.  You need to adopt the "If you want to be miserable and sit in your room staring at the wall go ahead but you aren't going to make me miserable too...I've got things to do and fun to have. :) "  attitude.  

[Korrale]

I do get why you don't want to jump ship though. For some kids there will never be any program that they like. How about stepping back from formal reading instruction for a bit. My son learnt to read on my knee. We buddy read a lot. Maybe just spend some time reading anything he would like. Pick some books from the library? The. Come back to the more formal work in a bit. Just a thought.

[SaltLifeNC]

Would the thought of weekend school bother him. Maybe set a timer for his work and anything he does not get done during the week he would have to do on the weekend.

Or maybe a few days with his privileges revoked might make him end the power struggle.

Try and talk to him about it in a non threatening tone later in the day when he is being more amiable. Maybe it is the program.

Something we always talk to my son about is that we all have to do things that we don't want to do. We explain the consequences of what would happen if I didn't do my duties. I don't like doing the dishes or laundry, or cooking dinner some nights. But if I don't my son would not have clothes to wear or food to eat. My husband sometimes doesn't feel like going to work but if he stood there and didn't do his work, or he threw a fit there would be serious ramifications. We don't sugar coat those things.

 

I will bring this up just in case there is an issue. Could he have a vision problem?

If this punishment doesn't straighten things out, weekend school is a good idea, thank you! I don't think its vision, but it can't hurt to have it checked.

 

I will also talk to him tomorrow about the food, dishes, and laundry etc...that may get through to him.

 

The thing that gets me is that he's a little charmer like my dad. He knew I was upset about it and spent the afternoon doing every inside joke we have together trying to butter me up - he's such a little stinker! And the topper was when he announced he was ready it was "Moooom, guess what I'm ready to do" in his sing songs voice, grr. :)

[Critterfixer]

Has he ever done this before?

[mamaraby]

I get the concern about feeling like you'll be reinforcing behavior you feel is unacceptable by making adjustments. I do. I can fall into that all too easily.

 

The thing is, though, we're talking kids here. Kids whose brains are still developing and don't have the ability to verbalize the "why" when it comes to big feelings. They may not know why they don't like a particular curriculum or approach. It comes out as "I don't want to" when it might be that there are too many words on the page or it's too hard to folllow or....or....or... It could be that it's just not their day (too tired, too hungry, too scattered). And it could genuinely be a "does not fit" scenario.

 

It seems like a small thing to you - as in why won't this kid just get it done because not liking it seems like a silly reason and for goodness sake it won't take long!?. On the other hand, when your life is already ordered by adults and you've only been alive for six years, it's a big deal and it seems insurmountable.

 

Could you dig in and out stubborn the child? Sure. In the grand scheme of things, though, what's that worth to you? Is it worth damaging your relationship with the child? Is it worth souring your child on reading?

 

So, when I find myself in your spot and I'm hunkering down to stay awhile in Camp Stubborn, I play the "What's the worst thing that could happen?" game. What if you took a break from phonics? What's the worst thing that could happen? Then what? If you switched phonics programs, what's the worst thing that could happen? Then what? What's the worst thing that could happen if you didn't do reading when the child refuses? Then what? Write it down in that moment and walk away for awhile. Come back later and re-read it. Is it logical? Is it really true?

 

If your worst case scenarios involve juvenile deliquency and an adult child living in your basement because you didn't win the phonics battle...heh...maybe it's time to take a step way back. :0)

 

The point is, there's plenty of time to learn how to read and there are 100s of ways to do that. What's your goal in homeschooling? What's your big picture end result? Will your present course of action help or harm that goal? For me? Winning the phonics battle wasn't worth it. My child wasn't stubborn, but she would cry and throw a fit about it. We stopped phonics for six months. When we came back to it, we did something else entirely. She's maybe not super thrilled about it, but she's a lot more confident and she's made huge progress. She likes me better for not forcing it and I still have plenty of opportunities to teach perserverance with tasks one doesn't enjoy.

[Kerileanne99]

Hhhmm, I am speaking more as a parent who was an exceptionally stubborn child here.

Although not specifically about school, when I was five I told my parents that I was a vegetarian and would thereafter not eat meat ever again. As there were four hungry kids, not enough money, and a step-father who worked as a butcher, this went over like a lead balloon. My parents turned it into a power struggle--as in you will sit there and not move until you eat it. I spent more than a few nights sitting at the table for hours. They would put it in front of me for breakfast. Didn't work, I would rather go hungry. The thing is, if they had dropped the power struggle and let more natural consequences rule I probably would have naturally started eating it again. As it is, I am a 37-year-old vegetarian who has not had meat since age five😊

The point is, some kids really are that stubborn...and a power struggle will just make them dig in their heals. I once gave my normally math-adoring dd a math worksheet that she saw as pointless and she gleefully returned it to me having written 7's as every answer. She must get that stubbornness from her father, lol.

 

I think you did fine. If he doesn't want to do it, fine...but there are consequences for not doing the work. Weekend school, not getting to do the fun things until the work is out of the way, that sort of thing. And definitely stress on matter-of-fact discussions of what happens in the real world when work does not get accomplished. We all make choices-you can CHOOSE not to do your work right now, sure. But if so, there are always consequences. Daddy can CHOOSE not to go to work today, but what do you think would happen. Mom can CHOOSE not to cook dinner or whatever, but what are the consequences.

It may happen a couple of times just to see if you really do mean he gets to choose, but those natural consequences will soon make him realize it is much better to just get it out of the way!

And then lots of praise for his good choices and his hard work:)

[SaltLifeNC]

Has he ever done this before?

Not to this extreme...usually when this happens he rolls his eyes and mumbles in the beginning but gets over it and moves on.

 

Usually, a trick of moving his "behavior smiley", something they did in kindergarten, from blue to green works like a charm. But, I think that has gotten old :).

[SaltLifeNC]

For what it's worth...he came to me before bed, gave me a kiss and told me he's ready to do his work in the morning :), pray for me!

[Mandylubug]

I would use my patented and trade marked "bummer comment" while during the school day and him refusing to do his school work in my nonchalant, not going to upset me buddy boy voice, he would have heard "awe, man it sure is a bummer you aren't feeling like finishing this work today. We will have to limit all electronics and tv work this evening since you aren't up to school work today!"

 

Later when he came up to me he would hear a second "awe, bummer. I would LOVE to teach you now but you can see I am stuck doing dinner and then I have this meeting to go to. How unfortunate! Thankfully since you aren't going to be wasting energy on any electronics and t.v. this evening you will be WELL rested for your school work tomorrow!" I would smile give him a hug and carry on with my business.

[AimeeM]

Phonics Pathways makes ME want to throw a tantrum and cry. 

If you have a program you KNOW isn't ideal for this child, AND he hates it, why on earth are you going to choose THIS as your control-struggle? While never pleasant, and needs to be nipped, the random grumbling you've described happening before is, imo, completely normal for most 5/6 year old boys. My son enjoys academics, but he's always reluctant to leave what he's already doing, to do it - even his favorite subjects.

I think you were harsh. Just my opinion, though, and I agree with another poster that it sounds like your goals are entirely different from my own. I'm more of a "bad day? Let's break for brownies and we'll do school work later tonight" kind of gal.

[OneStepAtATime]

Yes, but once I backed off, reassessed the situation and gave us both some grace, things smoothed out more.  Turns out the curriculum was a bad fit and the material too advanced in some ways, too basic in others.  We took a bit of a break, I did some additional research, then we switched materials, slowed down, and I incorporated a lot of interest led learning, and included a lot of hugs.  It improved the situation immensely and she was a lot more willing to really dig in and work.  I realized that part of the issue was that she was feeling annoyed, insecure, frustrated, confused, etc. but could not articulate why.  

[Deee]

I have a very stubborn child. We butt heads. He's an only, so our interactions are intense. I wish I had been tougher earlier on the 'get the work done' front. At 13, he has some bad habits and unrealistic expectations. So with the benefit of hindsight, here is my advice: do with it what you will:

Give him some options: "you can do reading now, or maths or watch this science video. All of these things need to be done today, but you can be in charge of the order." A little bit of control goes a long way, but not doing the allocated tasks isn't an option

I would vary reading. Somedays, reading should just be you reading and him listening. It doesn't have to feel like work. If you think the program doesn't work for him, be big enough to admit it. Thats a really important behaviour to model for kids, particularly stubborn kids who value integrity and honesty.

I would give him my infamous "I don't like cleaning the toilet but it has to be done" talk (DS hates it!). Learning to suck it up and do the work is an important life lesson. You may as well learn it as a child cos you are sure gonna get it as grown up!

I would not shift school to his time line. School hours are between 9 and 3. I get to knock off at 3. I am available to help if you need it, but not if you stuffed around during school hours.

I would make it clear that xbox use is contingent on school work. If you fronted up to school and the teacher told you that your son had refused to work all day, would you expect the teacher to stay back with your son, and then let him play xbox when you got home? Of course not!

For tomorrow, forgive him (he's still a baby and he's testing you with the only tools he's got) and move on. If he works, don't mention the incident again.

Good luck: its a long and rocky journey, but worth the effort.

D

[EndOfOrdinary]

I do not understand why you are being so insistent on the idea of being the boss. That is not meant as a criticism. It is an honest question. My husband does this too. I have asked him to explain it and he responds that he doesn't have to justify anything because he is the parent. This makes absolutely no sense to me. I really think I am missing something.

 

The child is not going to die. There is no impending crisis. It was just math (or in our case a pair of jeans on the floor, a bedtime being pushed, etc). Why get all domineering over it? Why not just tell your son that this is his work and when he is ready to complete it respectfully then he can progress forward? I do not understand the need to pull rank or impliment authority. It seems like that just sets up a system of freedom versus punishment instead of freedom versus responsibility. Wouldn't you want your son to do his assignment because he recognizes the intrinsic responsibility to learn and be respectful instead of merely trying to avoid the extrinsic punishment?

 

As a young child he is developmentally never going to consider your time or you being a person exclusive of himself. It is not an act meant to be disrespectful of you. That would require him to view your perspective and thus see you as an entity which is whole without him, then decide to not care about you. He is honestly only capable of seeing himself in the same way a toddler is. So how could this be a slight? If he stops, it is merely an act of memorization of what not to do through trial and error not an act of respectful compassion. It is only learned through trying to not upset the situation and get punished, rather than true emotional concern.

 

Really, truly, I am completely clueless here. This is really an honest question to a behavior that seems to somehow make sense to a whole slew of people but I find incredibly short sighted and illogical. As I really believe you are honest, loving, intelligent and it sounds like a great parent, I do feel like I am the one who is totally missing something. Please enlighten me so that I can understand.

[kiwik]

I try not to get in power plays like that. My children are way more stubborn than me and I have to get to work on time. I don't let them do whatever they like but I choose my battles.

[kiwik]

Dp

[violamama]

My 6 year old sometimes makes big frustrated battles. He doesn't usually do this over school stuff. There have been times it has strayed toward what you described. 

I think even if (or maybe especially if) you see it as a power struggle, being more wiley and creative makes you the winner. Out-stubborning directly is not the only tactic at your disposal. 

A poster above mentioned the "bummer" comment. If that kind of thing resonates, you might like the book, "Teaching with Love and Logic". I have found it fairly useful with my kids and the trickier ones in our music camps. 

[duckens]

1) "School is your job.  What would happen if Mommy didn't do the work for her job?  What would happen if Daddy didn't do the work for his job?  What would Daddy say if he knew you weren't doing your job?"

2) "Not all parts of your job are glamorous, but they do all need to be done, and done well."  In our household, Loverboy works in a laboratory.  Yes, he needs to wash dishes, which is NOT glamorous. However, if your glassware is not cleaned properly, nothing else in the lab will work.

I do not subscribe to the attitude that school must be fun.  If it is, that's great; but we're here to learn.

3) Ask your son what he thinks the solution should be.  He DOES need to learn Phonics.  Is Phonics Pathway not a good fit?  Is a part of it not a good fit?  Is there a part that he could learn from a secondary source, like an app, worksheets from online, a specialized workbook for that part of Phonics, or a game that he could use to demonstrate that he knows that part? 

Often kids have the solutions inside of them.  We just need to listen.  We also need to be willing to play, "Let's make a deal!" if the proposal has merit and will meet your basic goals.

Disclaimer: In our household, dd7's idea that she doesn't need to practice her math facts does not have merit.  However, I am open to any suggestion she has of games or computer programs or gizmos that will help her do so.

4)

 

Deee says:
Give him some options: "you can do reading now, or maths or watch this science video. All of these things need to be done today, but you can be in charge of the order."

:iagree: :iagree: :iagree:
Disclaimer: If one part of schoolwork doesn't get done today, it is the first thing we do tomorrow.  You don't get to shirk it by putting it to the end of the day every day, then running out of time.

[marynamo]

You did the right thing. You are the parent and your time is important. I would have done the same thing. The child needs to understand there is a time for everything.

IMO he was ready to do his work because he wanted to get his XBOX back when he knew it was almost time when he is allowed to play it.

There has to be rules and there has to be consequences.

all the luck.

[elegantlion]

My son comes from a long line of hugely stubborn people and was born negotiating everything. He's 17 and still does. When he was 6, we used a lot of redirection. Fine, no phonics, lets do something else. Then we'd detour back into the phonics after a while. Sometimes that involved a recess or going outside to do nature study or play with the dog, then we'd sit back down and he'd be ready. 

 

Then, while not in the moment, we'd discuss what he liked or didn't like about a particular program. I wouldn't change on a whim and most 6 year olds can't totally articulate why they dislike something (as in I would expect, "This is stupid" from my kid at that age), but I'd listen. 

 

I also keep in mind we all have bad days. Homeschooling forces allows us to see those bad academic days. 

 

[sewingmama]

my DD does this all the time. She's an incredibly stubborn kid. I just ignore it. I teach her and her brother the same lessons everyday so she will sit and stare ahead and I continue on with the lesson with her brother. When we get to the end I take her books and put them to the side with a big "oh well I guess you wanted to do this in your own time" . I then move on to the next thing I had planned. She either joins in or continues with the stubborn play and the books again get added to the pile on the side. We complete our school day...she is allowed all scheduled breaks etc.

 

The end of the day comes and her brother is free and goes off to play. I take the pile of undone work and place it next to her on the table and tell her it needs to be done. Then I walk away and do my own thing. DD sits and stares at the wall until she realises no one paying the slightest attention to her and then does her work. She is allowed to ask me for help but I don't sit at the table with her giving full attention as I do during school time. When she finishes she is allowed to go about her way...I don't take away privileges because it doesn't work for her. Sometimes she has sat at the table till bedtime. At bedtime I put the work away and say " Oh well I guess you will have to work on this tomorrow in your free time". This has never happened though...once she realises I don't care if it takes days for her to do it...then she does it and quickly.

 

In your case where your child needs help to complete it I would either do it when they were ready or if I didn't have time..just try again the next day. I do that often with my 5yo. In this instance I take away privileges . "I'm sorry I don't have time to work with you now so we will try again tomorrow. However you know you can't play the xbox till schoolwork is done for the day and since it isn't done ...you can't play so go find something else to do". My 5 yo responds well to this...he knows he better take mums help when its offered or he won't get school done to play his Wii that day.

[desertflower]

I would definitely switch program. Something with a more kinesthetic approach.

 

I would also explain why he has to do phonics. Perhaps dad could do this? My son responds better when my dh is involved. I'm not sure if it's a guy thing or what.

 

I agree with a pp to let him choose what to do first. A little freedom does go a long way.

 

Also, keep in mind (I'm not sure how to explain this) that the more you take away his xbox the more focused he will be about playing it. He may think that you think it's important. For example, when we set certain days to play the wii, they were always asking if they could play on it. But now we have it set up where they can play on it everyday. You know what? For some reason it's not enticing anymore. They don't play on it everyday.

 

Also, what has helped me is letting him play first. Run around, get a small trampoline, play with him for a little while, etc. Probably at this age he has a lot of energy and want attention?

 

Just my 2 cents. I hope it goes well for you this morning.

[MicheleinMN]

No, I didn't do it when he was ready...yes, I was busy with dinner and had a meeting to go to, but honestly I don't think I'd have done it with him anyway. Yes, it is a power struggle and I believe he has to realize that I am the boss - not him. If I had done it with him when he was ready wouldn't I be setting myself up for him to do the same thing day after day? I have to stick to a schedule or chaos will ensue and nothing will get done.

 

I'm just looking for options, in case losing his xbox isn't that important.

 Yes, I'm pretty sure my oldest was 7 when he pulled that.  The first time he did it, he had to stand in the corner until he was willing to work.  I don't remember how many times he did it maybe a handful.  The one consequence that seemed to have the best result with him (but wouldn't have worked with his younger brother) was to put him on his bed with nothing.  No covers, blankets, or pillows.  No books, toys, music, etc.  He was told that his job was his school work and chores and if he wasn't going to do anything, then he should do nothing until even work sounded good.  He was there all of a day, maybe even two, but he rarely just stopped working again.

 

It was definitely a power struggle.  He may have won a battle or two, but I think his dad and I won that war.  He's 22 now and a very good worker. ;)

[RootAnn]

Sometimes, if we've been consistently getting our work done, I'll throw the plan to the winds and have an unplanned fun game or a 1/2 day off. I've been known to throw these in when just one kid is having a particularly spectacular fit and won't do their work. So, the rest of us have fun & they get to sit in their room.

 

It is then quite a wait for the next unplanned fun game ... but if they persevere in their work, they get to take part the next time. That reminds me .... I think it is time for one of those days again.  :coolgleamA:

[Haiku]

I would not get into a power struggle with a 6 year old over doing reading. If you make this a battle, what's going to happen when you encounter an issue that really matters? You'll have wasted all your authority on small matters.

 

If he refused to do reading, I'd cheerily say, "Well, everyone deserves a day off once in a while!" and move on. Do you want your child to enjoy reading or bow to your authority? Reading is so vitally important. If he doesn't like Phonics Pathways (neither did my son), find something else! Teaching a child to read is NOT about who's the boss. It just isn't.

 

If your son isn't engaged in what he's learning or the materials you're using, you'll do everyone a favor if you change your approach. I had to do it with my son.

[Critterfixer]

:grouphug: I hope things go much better for you today. I'm not going to tell you how to parent this kind of child. I don't have anyone that stubborn in this house, except me, probably...

But I will say that one bad day does not a pattern make. Today is a new day. Let it be the new day, and don't worry so much. If it happens again, you will at least have two instances to think about and can make a plan. Most of the time when I start trying to figure out ways to deal with a situation that frustrates me, I'll overreact, and come up with consequences, but no plan. And having a plan for me is very important in putting me in a peaceful place to teach from.

[SaltLifeNC]

Thank you for all your responses! I'm grateful that this board allows me to see opinions that are different than my own. We are all parents trying to do what is best for our children :).

 

Yesterday, I went to the library and checked out a ton of early readers and that is what we will look at today...

 

This morning ds and I discussed what he doesn't like about Phonics Pathways and his response was, "Reading just isn't my thing." I asked him what he wanted to be when he grows up that won't involve reading and his response was a builder, fire fighter, or policeman...Needless to say, we have discussed why each of those professions (not to mention everyday life) require reading :).

 

We spent some time looking at samples of other reading programs and he is of the opinion that CLE or Plaid Phonics would be "way more awesome" than PP. So, we will give one of them a try...that's the beauty of homeschooling.

 

We will have more of these situations, I'm sure, and there will be consequences. But today is a new day and if all goes well the xbox will be plugged back in.

[Mandylubug]

Thank you for all your responses! I'm grateful that this board allows me to see opinions that are different than my own. We are all parents trying to do what is best for our children :).

 

Yesterday, I went to the library and checked out a ton of early readers and that is what we will look at today...

 

This morning ds and I discussed what he doesn't like about Phonics Pathways and his response was, "Reading just isn't my thing." I asked him what he wanted to be when he grows up that won't involve reading and his response was a builder, fire fighter, or policeman...Needless to say, we have discussed why each of those professions (not to mention everyday life) require reading :).

 

We spent some time looking at samples of other reading programs and he is of the opinion that CLE or Plaid Phonics would be "way more awesome" than PP. So, we will give one of them a try...that's the beauty of homeschooling.

 

We will have more of these situations, I'm sure, and there will be consequences. But today is a new day and if all goes well the xbox will be plugged back in.

 

Sounds like you have a plan. Hang on to that PP book, though. I got rid of mine when we found AAR. While I love AAR and will not be changing anytime soon, there have been instances that I wished I had that PP for reinforcement or if nothing else an additional word bank to use.

 

eta: if interested, check into reading pathways as well if you'd like to make PP work. My girls love the fluency sentences in AAR which are smaller versions of what is in RP. I have considered snagging that book as well ;)

[alisoncooks]

:grouphug:

I feel your pain!  I have a stubborn one, too.  This picture is from a year or two ago.  IIRC, she sat there (just like that) for a good, lonnnng time....

 

 

[shinyhappypeople]

I have a child who did that yesterday only she's 11.  She used to refuse work A LOT.  Now it's only once in a blue moon.

 

I found the book  You Can't Make Me But I Can Be Persuaded incredibly helpful.

 

I find we have less conflict when I set up a more cooperative environment.  As in, "How should we organize our school today?  Would you rather do math or history first?"    I'm also huge on periodically asking for feedback on curriculum.  Is it working well for you?  Does it make sense?  Is it too much/too little?  We won't necessarily change programs, but I'm usually open to tweaking things so it suits her better, and she knows this.  Giving her a voice, choices (even small ones), options, and creating a "We're all in this together" vibe has been VERY helpful.   

 

We still have bad days, but, there are far less frequent than before.

 

Good luck  :grouphug: 

 

p.s. I wouldn't have dropped everything to give him a 5 p.m. reading lesson, either.  That's not respectful of YOUR time.  It's good for him to learn that moms have boundaries.

[Reefgazer]

I agree with you on this.  My schedule is very tight and I wouldn't have time to humor nonsense like that either.  Find what his valuable privilege is and tell him you are pulling it until a *pattern* of cooperation is established.

No, I didn't do it when he was ready...yes, I was busy with dinner and had a meeting to go to, but honestly I don't think I'd have done it with him anyway. Yes, it is a power struggle and I believe he has to realize that I am the boss - not him. If I had done it with him when he was ready wouldn't I be setting myself up for him to do the same thing day after day? I have to stick to a schedule or chaos will ensue and nothing will get done.

I'm just looking for options, in case losing his xbox isn't that important.

 

[SaltLifeNC]

:grouphug:

I feel your pain! I have a stubborn one, too. This picture is from a year or two ago. IIRC, she sat there (just like that) for a good, lonnnng time....

 

 

Haha, I don't know how to do emoticons, but that really made me laugh...I can see mine doing that at some point and I would probably have to walk away to compose myself :).

[alisoncooks]

Haha, I don't know how to do emoticons, but that really made me laugh...I can see mine doing that at some point and I would probably have to walk away to compose myself :).

 

LOL, yeah, I had to leave the room to chuckle over it.

Then I came back and took a picture. ;)

 

FWIW, she has mellowed a bit in her stubbornness.  Now, as an 8 yr old, she rarely has such moments; she can usually be reasoned with.

[RootAnn]

My beloved father used to say, "I can't make you do it, but I can make you wish you had." 

 

FWIW, my oldest didn't like reading when she was learning, either. Now, it is rather difficult to pry her books from her hands to get her to do her regular schoolwork.  :laugh: And the last two nights, I've had to gently "remind" her at 10:15 & 10:10 p.m., respectively, that lights out is at 9:15. Her next younger sister had me worried she'd never read fluently. She's doing fine now, too. 

[duckens]

Is it fluency that is a problem?  And then learning more phonics rules on top of that?

Kids LIKE to do what they CAN do; they WANT to do what they THINK they can do; and they DON"T WANT to do what they DON'T THINK THEY CAN DO.

This helped us with fluency:

Take your easy readers (from the library, or BOB books, or little books from whatever curriculum you are using.

Put a post-it in the back of each one.  Write the following list:
1) Mom
2) Dad
3) [sister's name]
4) [brother's name]
5) Pet or Grandpa or friend

***If siblings are younger/non-readers, that is the best!  They listen to the story with no criticism.  If siblings are older, give them strict orders to just listen; not to criticize.

Have your child read the book each day to a different person on the list.  Cross the names off the list as your child does this.

By the time your child has read the book 5X on 5 different days to 5 different people, they are a pro with reading the vocabulary of that book.

My dd earned 25c for each book read in this way.  To me, 25c is worth my dd learning to be a good reader.  However, some families don't like to reward with $$$, and that is fine.