When one child's behavior affects the whole home

[umsami]

My eldest has always had anger issues.  He's 11, and things are getting worse.  Dealing with him affects the whole house.  It strongly affects me, as well as his 9 year old brother--who often is the target of his anger.  He's learned some coping skills, but he still has outbursts a few times per week.   He is also very verbally abusive towards me.  It breaks my heart.

 

I grew up with an older brother who was similar.  Our entire family revolved around him and his behavior.  I lived in fear whenever left alone with him.

 

I have no idea what to do.

 

DH wants to send him away to boarding school.  I don't want to "give up" on a just turned 11 year old, but I also don't want to ignore the safety and emotional needs of his other three siblings.  

 

Anybody deal with this and actually have a good outcome??  Thanks.

 

 

Please don't quote as I may delete this later.

[kewb]

I am going to assume that your son is getting professional help for dealing with the anger. If so, I would discuss options with the professional. Boarding school may be the best option which is not giving up on your child but giving him the greatest opportunity for success.

Have you ruled out a medical cause for the anger? One of the symptoms of my husband's illness is over the top anger.

I wish you clarity as you figure out what is best for your family. I am sorry you have to deal with it.

[unsinkable]

Depression can manifest as anger.

 

Has your son seen a doctor? Can you pinpoint the time this started? I know your post says always but is that literally true? You might be able to work backwards and find a point when it seemed to have escalated.

 

:grouphug:

[Jyhwkmama]

I have had this EXACT same situation at my house. We were at the end of our rope. I know it is not popular on this site, but medicating my son has totally changed all of our lives. We are all so much happier and more relaxed. If you ever want to PM me, I would share more with you.

[umsami]

Depression can manifest as anger.

 

Has your son seen a doctor? Can you pinpoint the time this started? I know your post says always but is that literally true? You might be able to work backwards and find a point when it seemed to have escalated.

 

:grouphug:

 

He's been having issues since at least he was three.  He's seen his pediatrician and has worked with a therapist on and off since he was about five.

 

I'm wondering if part of the escalation has to do with the hormones of puberty….but if so, that worries me because it's going to get much worse. 

[unsinkable]

 

I'm very sorry.

 

Please don't answer this, it is just something to think about.

 

Did anything happen in your family around that time that disrupted your family? Could it have caused him anxiety and worry? Could that have set up a behavior pattern and/or familial interaction that continues?

 

I'd seriously consider a depression and anxiety screening.

[OneStepAtATime]

Have you ever found a therapist that your son truly seemed to trust and feel comfortable with?  If you could find someone like that it might help, but honestly I would consider the entire family going to a family therapist so you can all hopefully get assistance with this and so that he sees you are all in this together.

 

You might consider looking into a summer camp for kids that struggle with anger management but I would be very, very careful where I sent him and I would do extensive research and check it out in person first.

 

I don't know much about boarding schools except that on the East coast you tend to find better quality ones according to friends of mine but frequently these days they end up being a dumping ground for kids with emotional issues.

 

Have you ever had him get a full work up through a neuropsychologist?  A really good one?  That might net some unexpected and potentially very helpful answers.

[KuniMom]

My daughter had anger and self-control issues starting at age three or four.  We found out it was from food intolerances.  Once we stopped giving her the offending foods, she became a happy kid again.  Not sure if you've tried taking out different food groups to see if it helps, but its worth a thought.

[OneStepAtATime]

And by the way, huge huge hugs.  I understand at least some of what you are going through.  

 

 

[coralloyd]

Anger stems from fear. Maybe talking to him about what he is afraid of or observing what he might be afraid of, when he is set off, would help some. Sorry it is so difficult for the whole family.

[fairfarmhand]

Been there done that.

 

You've gotten some great advice.

 

You are right to consider hormones as having a major play on this.

 

Get help from professionals whatever you have to do.

 

As far as his behavior affecting everyone else, you have to try to find a way to step away from him even for just a few hours each week. Each member of the family, (especially siblings) need to find a pressure release.

 

This might mean that you get up earlier, just to be "alone" and enjoy the peace and quiet. Or you may need to stay up later. (My challenging kid leaves me depressed and angry by the end of the day, so my alone time in the morning is much better than waiting till evening to enjoy it.)

 

Journaling has helped me somewhat too. Also, tracking patterns might help along with you journaling. You may want to keep track of his sleep, his diet, his activity level to see if there's a consistent pattern. Also, when we're in the thick of things, it may feel like "always" when in reality we may have three or four not so hot days and one horrible awful day. So rating days and behavior on a scale of 1-10 can give your therapist a place to start in unsnarling the mess.

 

I found that as my difficult one reached puberty things got more complicated. We needed a consistent routine including lots of sleep, some downtime, and a healthy diet. I also worked on keeping her active because on days that she was active, I noticed that her responses were somewhat moderated.

 

Hugs. It's hard. I know how it is, and how much of a failure you feel. It's a feeling that I deal with constantly. Remember that your being a good mom has nothing to do with how your kids behave.

[catz]

I would NOT send away an 11 year old without a full health and psychological assessment.  And if that meant I had to follow up with 10 different docs, that is what I would do.  I can't imagine sending off an 11 year old with unresolved issues is going to end well. 

[zoobie]

I would involve a pediatric psychiatrist for a full work up. Therapists can be helpful, but they (IMO) are more useful when you know what you're dealing with.

[bolt.]

I would not send him away in delicate psychological condition -- unless it was to a (proper) treatment facility. Never to a normal boarding school, and absolutely not to a 'reform school' type of pseudo-treatment.

 

At this point if be inclined to get him in therapy 2 or 3 times a week with a liscenced, professional specialist in teenage therapy. Medication would be on my radar as well. That would be my version of "hitting if hard before it gets any worse".

[wapiti]

I agree with the PPs. Get evals of all kinds and get him whatever help you decide is appropriate, e.g. therapy, meds, etc. (in our house, the behavior is a different one, but it still affects everyone... we are now well outside the mainstream-medicine box in trying to get at the root of the matter.)

Sending him off to boarding school might alleviate the suffering of family members but it would not alleviate your son's suffering. I am so sorry you are dealing with this.

[Trilliums]

I would involve a pediatric psychiatrist for a full work up. Therapists can be helpful, but they (IMO) are more useful when you know what you're dealing with.

:iagree:

 

and

 

:grouphug:  :grouphug:

[catz]

eta, is this the same child with the weight and possible other health issues? If there are possible health issues of any kind, from something as simple as a need for vitamin supplementation to something as complex and controversial as gut/immune stuff, and everything in between (e.g. thyroid), I would hit hard on the medical angle first to see if that can help improve any of the issues in your OP here. Then I would turn to the additional evals.

 

This brings up another point.  Gut and auto immune issues can be tightly linked with things like depression and anxiety.  I also wouldn't hesitate to look at more holistic therapists/options that may help bring things into balance.  I had PPD/anxiety and I did get meds and therapy.  I was also dx-ed with IBS in the same time period.  The things I did with holistic practitioners were extremely beneficial for my long term health.  I think I could have walked down the road to something like fibro without that turn around. 

[Perry]

I agree with others that he needs a good psych evaluation and possibly medication.  One thing you can do right away though, is to start him on a Low Carb High Fat diet.  There is a growing body of evidence that LCHF has protective effects on the brain, and can have dramatic impacts on behavior. 

 

Here's one study (not specifically anger issues, but effects on the brain in general)

 

[albeto.]

I'll echo calandalsmom. You have outbursts a few times a week, we had them a few times a day. On a good day. They were constant. They were unpredictable. They were tiring. They were embarrassing. Much of it was due to processing information and a lack of effective executive functioning. The world is a big place, and at age 11 its size is really starting to be understood. Home doesn't feel so safe and secure when you realize your parents are humans too, people who sometimes make mistakes, sometimes loose their patience, sometimes are in a mood. Not knowing how to effectively solve problems makes each little frustration potentially huge. Not knowing how to identify problems that could be easily avoided just adds to the mess. 

 

It was about this age when one therapist suggested I ask my child right at the point of frustration, "What do you want?" He needed to stop reacting, and learn to plan first. He did, but not always so well. Letting me know what he wanted not only gave him a moment to breathe during this escalation of anger, but allowed me to help him brainstorm ideas. It also allowed me to explain to him that when he couldn't get what he wanted, it wasn't because people are bullies just trying to deny him. Sometimes we couldn't give him what he wanted, sometimes giving him what he wanted would create an unnecessary problem for someone else, sometimes we could give him what he wanted but not right away. And sometimes we could give him what he wanted, he just didn't think to ask or to work it out practically and socially appropriately. 

 

Medications are big-scary-terrifying things to parents when the see the size and age of the children they dearly love. I totally hear you there. I can sympathize most sincerely. I can also say, that for us, finding the right ADHD meds helped enormously because much of this hyperactivity was in the brain. Constant thoughts, constant impulses, constant ideas, and the world simply didn't spin fast enough to let them all out. Ritalin allowed his brain to slow down and organize these thoughts. His impulses were under much better control. He could tolerate frustrations better. It wasn't a miracle cure, but it allowed him to process things that his brain had otherwise filtered out as "unnecessary information." 

 

One book I found enormously helpful was R.O.P.E.S. It is a collection of thought organization graphics that helps you help him learn how to organize his thoughts so he can be in control of his reactions, rather than feeling at the mercy of circumstances beyond his control. 

 

Learning how to detach myself from my child's socially inappropriate (read, "painfully embarrassing") behavior also helped a great deal. Once I learned to analyze his behavior as a series of identifying and solving problems, rather than as a control-freak, power-hungry kid, I could more easily detach my own emotions. This helped in two ways. One is that I was more efficient in helping him because I could help him see the root of the issue (compliance to me wasn't it, much as we parents are often encouraged to believe), the other is that with my mood more relaxed, there was less tension in the home.

 

Letting go of the many things that I thought a "good kid" ought to do (compliance issues, again), and instead focusing on just his learning how to identify and come up with solutions to problems, helped out. We became weary partners at first, there were a lot of years of relationship to build up. Being on the same team made a huge difference, but it did require giving up the idea that I should expect compliance, and was replaced with the idea that I would try and help him in the way that he required, and that was a measure of autonomy that was foreign to me because of the idea that parents should be respected/obeyed. That dynamic wasn't logical to his brain, and so none of my efforts along those lines would ever work. 

 

I also echo the idea of getting a comprehensive psychological evaluation. His processing may simply be differently wired than most people, and why not find out in what way so you can cut to the chase and help in a way that will most benefit him? There's no shame in it. I would also encourage you not to send him away to boarding school. He'll learn the lessons he needs to get along, but those lessons may not be the lessons you want him to learn, and you won't know they're developing until you see the "new way." 

 

In the meantime, my other kids learned (mostly from my husband), that as frustrating as their brother could be, he was still "family." He was given the same unconditional love and affection, regardless of how many hairs he had turned gray that day. That was harder for me, admittedly, but it seems to have been a message learned with at least one parent making that obvious, and the other trying her best. 

 

Now that he's older, we can converse about these things without fear of outbursts, but these years ahead of you will take time and effort. Get enough sleep, keep an enjoyable hobby, relax on certain requirements so that your family can enjoy activities as a unit to help everyone bond more. 

 

 

[holy cow that was long, sorry!]

 

[fraidycat]

Have you tried an elimination diet? Food sensitivities can manifest as behavioral/emotional problems without any physical symptoms.

 

Both my DD and sister are miserably angry people on gluten. :( The kind you want to strangle.

[fairfarmhand]

 

 

Learning how to detach myself from my child's socially inappropriate (read, "painfully embarrassing") behavior also helped a great deal. Once I learned to analyze his behavior as a series of identifying and solving problems, rather than as a control-freak, power-hungry kid, I could more easily detach my own emotions. This helped in two ways. One is that I was more efficient in helping him because I could help him see the root of the issue (compliance to me wasn't it, much as we parents are often encouraged to believe), the other is that with my mood more relaxed, there was less tension in the home.

 

Letting go of the many things that I thought a "good kid" ought to do (compliance issues, again), and instead focusing on just his learning how to identify and come up with solutions to problems, helped out. We became weary partners at first, there were a lot of years of relationship to build up. Being on the same team made a huge difference, but it did require giving up the idea that I should expect compliance, and was replaced with the idea that I would try and help him in the way that he required, and that was a measure of autonomy that was foreign to me because of the idea that parents should be respected/obeyed. That dynamic wasn't logical to his brain, and so none of my efforts along those lines would ever work. 

 

 

 

You really have to rewrite some of your internal dialogue when you are dealing with these challenging kids. And you really have to stop taking the craziness personally.

 

I realized that even if Jesus himself was my dd's parent, she'd still be irritable, defiant, and argumentative. That's just her personality. My goal as a mom is to try to teach her to channel her strong personality for good rather than evil. :)

 

I've also had to practice changing my position. Rather than being the "enemy" of my child directing her on how to "fix" herself, I have to figure out how to be on her team with the two of us TOGETHER working through problems. Sometimes, this is as simple as my touching her shoulder during school and starting a discussion with "Wow, I know it is so hard. I remember struggling with this exact same concept. Let's see how we can tackle it together. "

 

Don't overlook the value of sympathy and voicing your empathy to your son. "It's hard isn't it." "Aw, that must be difficult."

 

As hard as it is to live with constant anger and explosiveness, remember that he's still a kid. Just a kid, with feelings and thoughts and needs.

 

[gardenmom5]

has he had a very thorough physical to rule out anything physiological?  the fact your brother also has issues would lead me to suspect there is something genetically chemical going on.

 

I would take him to a naturopathic physician who specializes in moods.  I've seen remarkable progress with my aspie's moods and anxiety since starting him with one.  even my pharmd dd, who heard in every class every week what a 'rip off' the supplement industry is - noticed a big improvement.

 

once his chemistry is correct, then counseling to help him deal with coping skills/etc. would be much more effective.

 

also, martial arts can do wonders in teaching self-discipline, as well as the neurological development it encourages. (and tire them out.)   

[gardenmom5]

  As you and another sibling have gluten issues, that might be an angle to try even though he didn't have the celiac gene..(I have been reading lately that gluten issues may be a whole lot more complicated than a single gene or two, with multiple possible protein-parts to have an issue with..) 

 

absolutely!!!!  :iagree: :iagree: :iagree:

[gardenmom5]

anxiety in boys can also manifest as anger. 

 

some do come wired that way.  dudeling, it was noticeable from weeks old. I've NEVER seen another baby with his issues at that age. treating the anxiety has done wonders.  improvement isn't over night, but progress has been steady.

Depression can manifest as anger.

Has your son seen a doctor? Can you pinpoint the time this started? I know your post says always but is that literally true? You might be able to work backwards and find a point when it seemed to have escalated.

:grouphug:

 

[albeto.]

You really have to rewrite some of your internal dialogue when you are dealing with these challenging kids. And you really have to stop taking the craziness personally.

 

I realized that even if Jesus himself was my dd's parent, she'd still be irritable, defiant, and argumentative. That's just her personality. My goal as a mom is to try to teach her to channel her strong personality for good rather than evil. :)

 

I've also had to practice changing my position. Rather than being the "enemy" of my child directing her on how to "fix" herself, I have to figure out how to be on her team with the two of us TOGETHER working through problems. Sometimes, this is as simple as my touching her shoulder during school and starting a discussion with "Wow, I know it is so hard. I remember struggling with this exact same concept. Let's see how we can tackle it together. "

 

Don't overlook the value of sympathy and voicing your empathy to your son. "It's hard isn't it." "Aw, that must be difficult."

 

As hard as it is to live with constant anger and explosiveness, remember that he's still a kid. Just a kid, with feelings and thoughts and needs.

 

 

It was an eye opening experience for my child to realize adults also struggle and are frustrated, that it wasn't only kids who got the short end of the stick. Sometimes life just blows its snot all over us, and there's no one to blame for it. It is what it is. The question is, how can we move on? This applies to everyone, not just this child, not just kids. 

[NorthwestMom]

((umsami))

 

I just want to echo the others. Please please get a full evaluation and TRY MEDS if they are recommended. You can always remove meds if they don't work, but please try them! Meds have been a GIFT to many people. Bring in as many experts as you need to decide what to do, but please don't go this alone. If you are thinking about boarding school, this is a crisis period.  Please seek help. You deserve it! 

 

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

[PeterPan]

I'll just echo the people saying this is probably a *psychological* problem not just a *discipline* problem, and that he needs full evals.  You get the full eval with a good neuropsychologist to figure out if there's anything going on (bipolar, spectrum, adhd, anxiety, etc.).  Then you go to the psychiatrist and get the meds.  Or look into neurofeedback.  Just depends on what is actually causing these outbursts.

 

And yes, you're lucky if it's only a few times a week.  Ours can be multiple times a DAY.  Meltdown in the morning, my 5/6 yo informing me he hates me in the evening, blah blah.  Not fun.  I understand why you're at your rope's end, but don't make a decision thinking it's a discipline problem if there's actually something physical going on they can help.  (sensory, executive function, modulation, etc.)  Structure can make a HUGE difference for some kids.  Get the evals.

[Peaceful Isle]

My brother had anger issues growing up and I suffered because of it. :( I just learned to always agree with him and never make him mad. I wish my parents had done something more than just yell at him because of it. 

His anger issues have not gone away and he is almost 40. He has been through two divorces and is an abuser. He has never changed. 

 

You are a good mom for seeing an issue of anger in your son and wanting to do something about it. 

 

I wish my brother could have gotten some help for it, but it was always just shoved under the rug and a family issue. My parents did not want to get help. It was a pride issue.

 

Also, lots of hugs to you as you decide the next steps to take. Please remember, you are not a bad mom because of this. Sometimes children are a certain way because of an allergy, sensory issues and a host of other things. 

[StephanieZ]

I agree that early adolescence can be the very hardest age. It has been for all three of my kids, and two are now past it, with the third right in the heart of it. Any help you can get is good. (((hugs)))

 

I'd also make sure that your son gets at least one full hour of vigorous physical exercise, outdoors if at all possible, every single day. Sign him up for any and all outdoor sports he might enjoy and try to find at least a few alternatives so that if one begins to cause issues (conflict with coach, etc.), he has other things to focus on. I would write him a personal "prescription" for 1 hr vigorous outdoor exercise every damn day before noon, so he not only gets it, but gets it early in the day to "settle" him for a better day the rest of the day. The cost and trouble of this would be very low compared to boarding school, even if you paid $40/day to a private coach, etc for many or all of those days. I'd do it for 60 days and then reconsider options. I would bet that in the majority of instances, you'd see substantial improvement with just that change. Personally, I'd make sure he gets the exercise in the morning even if you have some afternoon/evening sport. On those days, i'd just double up for the first 60 days. If you want to tweak things after 60 days and see if you can forego morning exercise on days he has sports in the afternoon/evening, that's fine, but I'd get a "baseline" established with daily AM exercise before trying to skip it.

 

Another idea is to consider public or private school for your difficult boy. I have known plenty of families who've successfully sent their older boys to school starting in middle school or high school. Decisions were often based on conflict with Mom. In each case, I've seen the boys do just fine in school, the families calm down, and overall improvement in all respects (other than, perhaps, a dissatisfaction with some academic elements in public school which is inevitable if you've homeschooled up until then.) I've resisted this path with my kids, and I doubt I'll use it, but I accept it as a reasonable alternative if all else isn't working at home. Removing the conflict surrounding homeschool and removing the child for many hours per week would surely offer some relief. To me, it is a sensible option to try before taking the big step of boarding school. If you want to do this, though, I'd plan it carefully, choose the best possible school, and transition at a logical time, ideally the start of a school year, but as a second choice, perhaps at a semester transition. 

 

 

[happi duck]

...

 

You are a good mom for seeing an issue of anger in your son and wanting to do something about it.

 

...

I agree.

 

(I have a violent brother)

[Ottakee]

I agree with the others on getting a full pediatric psychiatrist work up.  Meds might be the answer---or they might not be.  I would rule out any other physical issues as well.

 

Meds are a hot button issue but when the behavior is negatively affecting him, negatively affecting the family, and is making him at risk for being sent away they are certainly worth trying under close medical supervision.

 

I have one child that the professionals believed would need residential treatment by age 5-6 due to extreme behaviors.  Now with proper psychiatric care and medication is my EASIEST child to parent.

[Guest submarines]

I'd like to echo the poster  who asked whether this is the same child with weight issues. If that's the case,  have you tried an elimination diet? Is he off gluten? I know many hear smirk at the idea that being gluten free is some kind of a panacea. I was one of those people too. For years I was told by well meaning boardies to take DD off gluten for her emotional issues and I just couldn't believe it. It simply didn't make sense. The effects were almost immediate and close to miraculous.

 

:grouphug:

[LostSurprise]

Our behavioral psychologist recommends The Explosive Child by Ross Greene for parents of children with anger or opposition problems. Basically, it helps parents realize that a lot of children with these problems are operating beyond their capacity in some part of their life and the ensuing frustration is often channeled into anger. 

 

I wouldn't do boarding school for the reasons stated above. Unless the school is really well-run and specifically set up for anger problems it becomes a place with less supervision and the feeling of being dumped because he's not good enough. 

 

There are many reasons children have anger issues. If counseling has not helped over the last 7 years than it's time to move on. A neuropsychologist can do testing to see if he's struggling somewhere (the anxiety can be turned into anger). A behavioral psychologist can help you with specific behaviors and situations and give you suggestions of how to change things. A psychiatrist can do more with diagnosing psychological disorders and prescribing medications. With any of these you can ask questions and see if it would be helpful to see a neurologist or endocrinologist for further testing. If you don't know who to see, ask your pediatrician for a suggestion or call the mental health clinic and see if they can do an evaluation. 

 

We see a behavioral psychologist. He's been very helpful picking out how situations start and creating a system which will help my son be less aggressive. We also see a neurologist. Physical things, especially in the brain, have a profound impact on personality and attitude. When things are good for my son physically, his attitude and behavior are good!

 

Please keep an open mind and keep working. 

[laundrycrisis]

Have you tried an elimination diet? Food sensitivities can manifest as behavioral/emotional problems without any physical symptoms.

 

Both my DD and sister are miserably angry people on gluten. :( The kind you want to strangle.

 

 

Another common culprit is artificial colors and flavorings.  For some, eliminating these can have amazing effects.  Our son used to react to artificial flavors by becoming angry and violent.  He was very young, so it was manageable...if he had been bigger and older it would have been much worse.  He has grown out of it partway but certain things still make him extremely irritable and cause impulsive and angry behavior within 30 minutes (specifically donuts with chocolate frosting).  The effect is very clear and happens 100% of the time.  So something in the diet can be a real trigger.

 

Besides a clean diet and allergy investigation, I would get some help from a pediatric psychiatrist.  

[mom2samlibby]

I'd have blood work done, esp. Vit. B12, ferritin, and folate. A Vitamin B12 deficiency can cause anger issues, along with other health issues. http://www.saltmanonline.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=29:vitamin-b-deficiency-and-violence&catid=14:health-tips&Itemid=43

 

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/health-matters/201202/vitamin-b12

[Χά�ων]

I would NOT send away an 11 year old without a full health and psychological assessment. And if that meant I had to follow up with 10 different docs, that is what I would do. I can't imagine sending off an 11 year old with unresolved issues is going to end well.

I would not send him away in delicate psychological condition -- unless it was to a (proper) treatment facility. Never to a normal boarding school, and absolutely not to a 'reform school' type of pseudo-treatment.

 

At this point if be inclined to get him in therapy 2 or 3 times a week with a liscenced, professional specialist in teenage therapy. Medication would be on my radar as well. That would be my version of "hitting if hard before it gets any worse".

I agree with both of the above. I am looking at boarding school options for my son (his request since 7 to attend a sports and physical fitness intense boarding school) but I would never consider it if he was not emotionally healthy. With that said, one thing I have encountered when looking for local and semi local options are that there are many many residential treatment schools for children with various conditions (addiction, emotional disturbances). I would not rule that out if it is needed to keep him and his sibling safe, but I would look at intense outpatient treatment for him and counseling for his siblings first.

[Momling]

Our foster son (almost 7), has some severe anger problems and I know how that feels. What helps?

- He goes to a day treatment program that involves daily therapy and milieu work and a really high staff-student ratio (like 2:5).

- I make sure he's fed and put to bed consistently and on time. Always.

- I approach his behavior as a symptom of mental-illness, not as misbehavior

- I try to prepare him for things that will be happening so he knows what to expect.

- I never ever get angry myself, I always speak and act calmly around him.

[Farrar]

Umsami, I was thinking about this thread... I hope it's making you feel hopeful that you don't have to live with his behavior or let it be the norm in your house and that it's worth pushing for more treatment options. Hugs.

[MomOfABunch]

A year and a half ago we were at this point with my daughter. The thing that finally put us on the right track was a SPECT (low resolution PET) scan and a psychiatrist who had worked a lot with rage and uncontrollable tantrums. She was put on 2 different mood stabilizers and what a difference they have made!

[umsami]

Thanks everybody.  Sorry, I was actually without Internet access the past day or so.

 

Yes, it's the child with a weight problem…so there may be some food intolerances, etc.

 

We live in an area which is a retirement haven, but there are not lots of pediatric specialists because of that.  We're going to have to travel to see somebody, but I'm going to do it anyway.

 

I really really appreciate a lot of the advice here.  We've used the Ross Green stuff before and that did help some, so I need to go back and revisit.  It's so hard for me to watch, especially with the other kids, because I remember how it was with my brother.  I feel so bad that I am not protecting them well enough right now from their brother.  

 

It's been a bad few days.  He has such deep-seated anger it frightens me.  He really hates his Dad.  I mean H-A-T-E.  He says he loves me most of the time.  He hates all of his siblings except his little brother.  

 

 

[Lori D.]

:grouphug: So sorry! This must be very exhausting and unnerving. :(

 

Just throwing in one more possibility -- probably not a strong possibility, but may be worth ruling out "just in case". It is biological cause/treatment, which has been mentioned in the past by posters BlueTaelon and Happy2BaMom. 

 

Pyroluria = http://livingwithpyroluria.blogspot.com/2010/09/what-is-pyroluria.html

Histadelia = http://emmersonchiropractic.com/health_library/pdf_articles/histadelia.pdf

 

Just wanting to help in covering all the bases. Do with it as you will. WARMEST wishes, Lori D.