Flowing Brook Posted January 1, 2014 Share Posted January 1, 2014 The other day when Rowan drown the fire department came out to help get him out of the lake. They could not find a boat in time to rescue him. Still they came out when they did find a boat they went out and got his body for me. One of the fireman is out next door neighbor. I went over and thanked him personally. I sent a thank you card to the other fireman. Even though they did not save him they gave it their best shot. Well I was telling someone that I did that they said I should not have. Their reasoning was it would make them feel worse for not saving him. Also that it would make it seem like I did not care about Rowan. I am wondering was it the wrong thing to thank these two men? Please this is NOT jawm. I really want to know if I did the wrong thing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mango Posted January 1, 2014 Share Posted January 1, 2014 No, you did the right thing. Everyone feels terrible about a life lost. But it's nice to know that the family doesn't blame them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommyof4ks Posted January 1, 2014 Share Posted January 1, 2014 Um...I am with you. If you said thank you for doing everything you could to save my dog, then I bet they were glad to hear that you appreciate their efforts. They will feel bad about not saving your dog no matter what you do, so saying it out loud will not change that. No one will think you do not love your dog, you called for help in the first place. Firemen are used to thank yous about those they saved and those that they didn't. They are often the first ones on the scene of accidents and heart attacks, so sometimes they try to save people by cannot. People thank them for their efforts. Are some people bitter and angry, because they think these people are miracle workers, yes, but most people know that they tried everything they could to keep them alive until they got them to a hospital. You did nothing wrong. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OneStepAtATime Posted January 1, 2014 Share Posted January 1, 2014 Oh my goodness, you definitely did not do the wrong thing at all. They are probably feeling badly that your dog didn't make it, but you thanking them may help. And it doesn't show that you don't care, it shows you are a very caring and decent human being to think of others in your grief. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bolt. Posted January 1, 2014 Share Posted January 1, 2014 You did just fine. The person who made the comment needs some serious remedial lessons in manners! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pawz4me Posted January 1, 2014 Share Posted January 1, 2014 I don't think saying "thank you for your effort" could ever be wrong. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RoughCollie Posted January 1, 2014 Share Posted January 1, 2014 You did exactly the right thing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted January 1, 2014 Share Posted January 1, 2014 I don't agree with your friend's way of thinking in this. I think it's lovely to acknowledge their help even if it didn't result in rescuing Rowan. I would think they don't usually get thanks when the outcome is bad. This could reaffirm their feelings about the job, maybe? Don't stress about this part of the situation. I'm so sorry for your loss. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
texasmama Posted January 1, 2014 Share Posted January 1, 2014 What you did was lovely and kind. It was not in any stretch of the imagination wrong. I would imagine that the firemen were touched and appreciative of your notes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted January 1, 2014 Share Posted January 1, 2014 I cannot even comprehend the thought process that led to the conclusion that saying thank you is wrong. Or that it meant you didn't care about your dear dog. Geez, when my dad died I thanked his doctor for his help even though he had told me there was nothing he or anyone could do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
5of5 Posted January 1, 2014 Share Posted January 1, 2014 I agree with everyone else. Whoever thought that was the wrong thing to do is nuts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted January 1, 2014 Share Posted January 1, 2014 What? Of course thanking them was the right thing to do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flowing Brook Posted January 1, 2014 Author Share Posted January 1, 2014 Thanks everyone. This makes me feel better. I would hate to make anyone that did something nice for me feel bad. One thing that makes me feel better about rowans death. Is the fire department realized that their water rescue is inadequate. They are now going to buy a inflatable raft. This could save a persons life in the future. It took a good thirty minutes to find a boat. This could make a difference in saving a person one day or not. So if this saves a persons life one day in the future it will be worth it. By saying this I am in no way blaming anyone. Sometimes no matter what your preparations are things just happen. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OneStepAtATime Posted January 1, 2014 Share Posted January 1, 2014 Thanks everyone. This makes me feel better. I would hate to make anyone that did something nice for me feel bad. One thing that makes me feel better about rowans death. Is the fire department realized that their water rescue is inadequate. They are now going to buy a inflatable raft. This could save a persons life in the future. It took a good thirty minutes to find a boat. This could make a difference in saving a person one day or not. So if this saves a persons life one day in the future it will be worth it. By saying this I am in no way blaming anyone. Sometimes no matter what your preparations are things just happen. This brought tears to my eyes. Yes, maybe this will one day save a life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted January 1, 2014 Share Posted January 1, 2014 One thing that makes me feel better about rowans death. Is the fire department realized that their water rescue is inadequate. They are now going to buy a inflatable raft. This could save a persons life in the future. It took a good thirty minutes to find a boat. This could make a difference in saving a person one day or not. So if this saves a persons life one day in the future it will be worth it. By saying this I am in no way blaming anyone. Sometimes no matter what your preparations are things just happen. What a beautiful way to look at it. Seeing good coming out of something so painful. :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cinder Posted January 1, 2014 Share Posted January 1, 2014 Agreeing with the others--totally not wrong to thank them for their help, to let them know their efforts are appreciated. You did a good thing by thanking them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AmyontheFarm Posted January 1, 2014 Share Posted January 1, 2014 As a fireman's wife. You did nothing wrong! Thanks can seem far and few between at times, and I know my hubby's crew all appreciate them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aelwydd Posted January 1, 2014 Share Posted January 1, 2014 You did the right thing. IMO, to thank the firemen is to acknowledge the importance of the work they do in trying to protect lives. You are honoring Rowan's memory, and his friendship with you. Don't ever doubt that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Word Nerd Posted January 1, 2014 Share Posted January 1, 2014 I think the person who told you that was not only wrong but also unkind to you. Don't give that foolish opinion another thought. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigMamaBird Posted January 1, 2014 Share Posted January 1, 2014 You expressed your gratitude to someone for effort they made on your behalf, there's never anything wrong with that. I'm sure they'll appreciate hearing positively from you rather than wondering "is that woman upset we couldn't help more?" :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zimom Posted January 1, 2014 Share Posted January 1, 2014 Puddles, When something similar happened in our town, although unfortunately it involved a person, the family purchased the needed equipment/boat that was lacking for the department. Is this something you could do in memory of Rowan? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QuirkyKapers Posted January 1, 2014 Share Posted January 1, 2014 I think what you did was very thoughtful. I don't think a thank you is going to make them feel worse than they already do. It actually lets them know you are grateful for their helpf and I would think it would help how they were feeling. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TeacherZee Posted January 1, 2014 Share Posted January 1, 2014 Showing gratitude and saying thanks is never ever wrong. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goldberry Posted January 1, 2014 Share Posted January 1, 2014 I work at a fire station. What you did makes them feel better, not worse. You did the right thing, and your attitude is kind and generous. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tullia Posted January 1, 2014 Share Posted January 1, 2014 I'm sorry that you lost Rowan. :grouphug: I agree with the other posts--you did the right thing in thanking the firemen. As to the person who told you otherwise...what a strange way to look at the world. :confused1: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joules Posted January 1, 2014 Share Posted January 1, 2014 No, you completely did the right thing. They need to know that you appreciate them and don't blame them. They are grieving and broken-hearted either way. They need that bright spot. Your friend's logic comes from the same school of thought that you should never mention the deceased because it makes people sad. As someone who has lost a child, I always found it incredibly silly that people think that grieving loved ones are only sad when they are mentioned. I thanked my doctors and nurses though they couldn't save dd. They were devastated, too, and did everything they could. I also sent cards on the anniversary to thank them for their support, so you are in good company. And extra hugs to you as you deal with all this. My two Standards have been getting lots of extra hugs in memory of Rowan. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Loowit Posted January 1, 2014 Share Posted January 1, 2014 You did the right thing. My parents were volunteer firefighters/rescue crew. They went to a lot of tough calls and it always helped when a family told them thank you. I am sorry for your loss. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joyofsixreboot Posted January 1, 2014 Share Posted January 1, 2014 How can being grateful and appreciative be wrong? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammi K Posted January 1, 2014 Share Posted January 1, 2014 I think your friend is dingy. How on earth would thanking the people who tried to help you make them think you didn't care? That makes no sense. I think you did a generous, gracious thing. I can't see when it could possibly be wrong to give thanks for help or an attempt at help that comes your way. I'm so sorry for your sweet Rowan but I'm glad you are able to appreciate the people who tried to help. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
athomeontheprairie Posted January 1, 2014 Share Posted January 1, 2014 Thanks everyone. This makes me feel better. I would hate to make anyone that did something nice for me feel bad. One thing that makes me feel better about rowans death. Is the fire department realized that their water rescue is inadequate. They are now going to buy a inflatable raft. This could save a persons life in the future. It took a good thirty minutes to find a boat. This could make a difference in saving a person one day or not. So if this saves a persons life one day in the future it will be worth it. By saying this I am in no way blaming anyone. Sometimes no matter what your preparations are things just happen. I am so sorry you lost your dog. The thank yous are wonderful. But what you just wrote is wonderful. I am sorry yo it dog is gone, but I'm so f glad the for department realized they were inadequate now, instead of later. It is highly possible that your dog just saved a human life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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