Jean in Newcastle Posted November 24, 2013 Share Posted November 24, 2013 We got a wedding invitation today. At the bottom: Enveloped gifts are much appreciated. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
milovany Posted November 24, 2013 Share Posted November 24, 2013 Eeek! I have a hard time with listing places of registry in a wedding invitation, but this???? :huh: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heather in Neverland Posted November 24, 2013 Share Posted November 24, 2013 Good heavens. Doesn't seem like anyone cares much for etiquette anymore. How tacky. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lovinmomma Posted November 24, 2013 Share Posted November 24, 2013 I have a friend getting married and she came up with this cute poem to ask for donations for their honeymoon instead of presents. I'm not sure what I think. I'm not sure if I'm just behind on the times or if it's tacky. And that's not me being sarcastic or anything. I really don't know what I think about it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
milovany Posted November 24, 2013 Share Posted November 24, 2013 I have a friend getting married and she came up with this cute poem to ask for donations for their honeymoon instead of presents.... There just shouldn't be a thought in the first place of "instead of presents." It just conveys the attitude that one is expecting a gift, which is not something anyone should ever expect. Let gifts be .... gifts. Gifts should never, ever be mentioned with a wedding invitation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted November 24, 2013 Share Posted November 24, 2013 Ick! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cindy in FL. Posted November 24, 2013 Share Posted November 24, 2013 That is tacky! They do make some awfully big envelopes, though. I'd be tempted to buy the biggest kind I could find and then "wrap" my gift in it. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alessandra Posted November 24, 2013 Share Posted November 24, 2013 I'd want to give them some writing paper, with envelopes, of course. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cinder Posted November 24, 2013 Share Posted November 24, 2013 I'm another who would feel challenged to find a unique gift that fit in an envelope. ;) (edited for grammar) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JustEm Posted November 24, 2013 Share Posted November 24, 2013 I see nothing wrong with it. To say gifts aren't expected is silly. It would've equally tacky to go to a wedding and not give a gift. This way ppl know what gift would be most appreciated Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ErinE Posted November 24, 2013 Share Posted November 24, 2013 We got a wedding invitation today. At the bottom: Enveloped gifts are much appreciated. Yuck! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FaithManor Posted November 24, 2013 Share Posted November 24, 2013 How classy! NOT!!!!! If you feel obligated to buy them a gift, dh says you should buy a picture frame, insert a picture of a twenty dollar bill, and wrap the frame to look like it is inside an envelope. Sheesh Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lolly Posted November 24, 2013 Share Posted November 24, 2013 I'd want to give them some writing paper, with envelopes, of course. Perhaps even thank you notes... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poppy Posted November 24, 2013 Share Posted November 24, 2013 Give her a big box full of envelopes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poppy Posted November 24, 2013 Share Posted November 24, 2013 I see nothing wrong with it. To say gifts aren't expected is silly. It would've equally tacky to go to a wedding and not give a gift. This way ppl know what gift would be most appreciated Even if you're ok with mentioning gifts, saying 'cash only' is pretty tactless. Especially to bargain-hunting shoppers or those who want to handmake a gift. They know their contributions would not be 'appreciated'. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cinder Posted November 24, 2013 Share Posted November 24, 2013 I would also be bugged by their improper use of "enveloped." Yeah, I'm petty that way. :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-rap Posted November 24, 2013 Share Posted November 24, 2013 I think it's pretty tacky. I know plenty of people who would want to give a gift, but due to their budget feel they need to shop carefully to find the right thing that's affordable. They would be embarrassed to send just a small amount of cash. That's just one example. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mytwomonkeys Posted November 24, 2013 Share Posted November 24, 2013 Good grief. Tacky. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted November 24, 2013 Share Posted November 24, 2013 I have a friend getting married and she came up with this cute poem to ask for donations for their honeymoon instead of presents. I'm not sure what I think. I'm not sure if I'm just behind on the times or if it's tacky. And that's not me being sarcastic or anything. I really don't know what I think about it. It's tacky. That's it's cute does not make it less tacky. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted November 24, 2013 Share Posted November 24, 2013 I see nothing wrong with it. To say gifts aren't expected is silly. It would've equally tacky to go to a wedding and not give a gift. This way ppl know what gift would be most appreciated It is tacky to suggest what kind of gift the giver should give the recipient. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted November 24, 2013 Share Posted November 24, 2013 We got a wedding invitation today. At the bottom: Enveloped gifts are much appreciated. :blink: Any mention of gifts *in the invitation* is tacky. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GreenKitty Posted November 24, 2013 Share Posted November 24, 2013 I don't see anything wrong with it saying 'enveloped gifts'. I feel it's their way of saying they don't need or want a lot of stuff. Maybe they need cash for their honeymoon? Invitations here normally have enclosed the names of stores where they signed up for gift registry. Where it's expected to get them someting off their list. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted November 24, 2013 Share Posted November 24, 2013 Pretty much everyone around here gives money anyway, but I have never known anyone who would have even thought about demanding it. That is beyond tacky!!! Like others, I'd be tempted to stick something else in en envelope and give it to them. Perhaps a lovely and heartfelt note about how you're "enveloping" them with your love and good wishes for a long and happy marriage. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted November 24, 2013 Share Posted November 24, 2013 I was recently invited to a wedding where the bride and groom were both from two different cultures. there was a mention asking attendees to follow their cultural preferences and not bring store bought gifts. I don't remember exactly how it was worded, but it was basically asking for money. makes things much easier to transport. the bride grew up in the US, but her parents are immigrants, as is the groom. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted November 24, 2013 Share Posted November 24, 2013 Eew. I might be tempted to put some of my kids' artwork in the envelope - who doesn't love darling kiddy art? Hey, it was in an envelope.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted November 24, 2013 Share Posted November 24, 2013 Eew. I might be tempted to put some of my kids' artwork in the envelope - who doesn't love darling kiddy art? Hey, it was in an envelope.... :cheers2: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snickerdoodle Posted November 24, 2013 Share Posted November 24, 2013 Next will be the indiegogo campaigns. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted November 24, 2013 Share Posted November 24, 2013 I don't see anything wrong with it saying 'enveloped gifts'. I feel it's their way of saying they don't need or want a lot of stuff. Maybe they need cash for their honeymoon? Invitations here normally have enclosed the names of stores where they signed up for gift registry. Where it's expected to get them someting off their list. It is also not appropriate to enclose of list of stores where registered in an invitation. The fact that people do it does not make it less tacky or OK. It is inappropriate to tell people in any way you expect a present. Customarily, people who attend do bring/send a gift. However, not everyone to whom you send an invitation will attend. People who do not attend are certainly not obligated to send anything. Presumably the bride has told her mother and close family members on both sides where the registry is. The nontacky way of getting the word out where the couple is register is by the guest asking. Presumably the guest knows someone (bride, groom, family member, close friend) well enough to ask someone, otherwise why is this person on the guest list. I was registered at one store. I did not tell people in the invitation. Word got around to people who wanted to give us a gift without spending a lot of time thinking about it (I think that is one purpose of registering--saving the hassle for some people). Some people did just sent checks. IME some people want to give a thing, and some people want to give cash. Just because you are having a wedding does not mean you should treat the invitation as an open grab for cash or specific presents. It is the choice of the invitee to decide on what, if any, gift. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted November 24, 2013 Share Posted November 24, 2013 It must be rough having to worry about people buying you stuff that isn't exactly what you prefer. Gosh, no wonder weddings are stressful.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoobie Posted November 24, 2013 Share Posted November 24, 2013 They're clearly not environmentalists or they would've just put their paypal address on the invite. Though then I guess it would be an evite and they could have a DONATE NOW button. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoobie Posted November 24, 2013 Share Posted November 24, 2013 LOL Although thinking of my family, that would leave many people out. Some of my family members don't even have a computer let alone know what paypal is. Good point. Maybe we can set up a portable ATM at the door. Don't want to make anyone feel excluded! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Marple Posted November 24, 2013 Share Posted November 24, 2013 They're clearly not environmentalists or they would've just put their paypal address on the invite. Though then I guess it would be an evite and they could have a DONATE NOW button. OH, I think you're onto something. I wouldn't be surprised to see something like this soon. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted November 24, 2013 Author Share Posted November 24, 2013 They're clearly not environmentalists or they would've just put their paypal address on the invite. Though then I guess it would be an evite and they could have a DONATE NOW button. Actually, it was an evite. I left that part off because I was only going to bring up one controversial etiquette issue! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted November 24, 2013 Author Share Posted November 24, 2013 I'm trying to figure out how to fit a blender into an envelope. . . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoobie Posted November 24, 2013 Share Posted November 24, 2013 I'm trying to figure out how to fit a blender into an envelope. . . Put the envelope IN the blender. You must've gotten confused with the instructions. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted November 24, 2013 Share Posted November 24, 2013 It is also not appropriate to enclose of list of stores where registered in an invitation. The fact that people do it does not make it less tacky or OK. It is inappropriate to tell people in any way you expect a present. Customarily, people who attend do bring/send a gift. However, not everyone to whom you send an invitation will attend. People who do not attend are certainly not obligated to send anything. Presumably the bride has told her mother and close family members on both sides where the registry is. The nontacky way of getting the word out where the couple is register is by the guest asking. Presumably the guest knows someone (bride, groom, family member, close friend) well enough to ask someone, otherwise why is this person on the guest list. I was registered at one store. I did not tell people in the invitation. Word got around to people who wanted to give us a gift without spending a lot of time thinking about it (I think that is one purpose of registering--saving the hassle for some people). Some people did just sent checks. IME some people want to give a thing, and some people want to give cash. Just because you are having a wedding does not mean you should treat the invitation as an open grab for cash or specific presents. It is the choice of the invitee to decide on what, if any, gift. :iagree: :iagree: :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laura Corin Posted November 24, 2013 Share Posted November 24, 2013 Is the couple East Asian? L Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted November 24, 2013 Author Share Posted November 24, 2013 Is the couple East Asian? L The bride is Chinese and the groom Filipino. It isn't a Filipino tradition - at least in any of the dozen Filipino weddings I've been to in this country. Is it Chinese? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PinkyandtheBrains. Posted November 24, 2013 Share Posted November 24, 2013 I understand the etiquette issues, but I'd rather people just be up front about what they want gift wise. If they don't want a lot of stuff that makes it much easier for me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted November 24, 2013 Author Share Posted November 24, 2013 I should note that raised eyebrows on invitation aside, I really like this young couple and am pleased for their upcoming wedding. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joshin Posted November 24, 2013 Share Posted November 24, 2013 I know it's supposed to be an etiquette thing, but really, so many etiquette things are just plain silly to me. Everyone follows them because everyone always has, where's the logic in that? I would much prefer everyone be upfront on what they want, saving me time and energy when it comes to shopping. I'm supposed to call someone close to the bride to find out where they're registered, really? I might be close to the bride but have no contact info for her family. Although it may be proper, it feels pretty rude that I'm supposed to do all this legwork and research to figure out a gift. I know as a wedding guest it's rude to show up without a gift or card. Everyone involved knows I'm going to bring something, so just tell me what already. Etiquette be damned! I can't remember what we did at our wedding, but all we got was cash which I'm thankful for. I know we didn't register anywhere. I do know we slaughtered a lot of other wedding etiquette rules. Fortunately, the people that love me are used to the fact I'm either inept or don't care about expected social norms, so no one seemed upset or called us out on anything. Benefit of being considered "creatives," you can get away with pretty much anything! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted November 24, 2013 Share Posted November 24, 2013 I know it's supposed to be an etiquette thing, but really, so many etiquette things are just plain silly to me. Everyone follows them because everyone always has, where's the logic in that? I would much prefer everyone be upfront on what they want, saving me time and energy when it comes to shopping. I'm supposed to call someone close to the bride to find out where they're registered, really? I might be close to the bride but have no contact info for her family. Although it may be proper, it feels pretty rude that I'm supposed to do all this legwork and research to figure out a gift. I know as a wedding guest it's rude to show up without a gift or card. Everyone involved knows I'm going to bring something, so just tell me what already. Etiquette be damned! I can't remember what we did at our wedding, but all we got was cash which I'm thankful for. I know we didn't register anywhere. I do know we slaughtered a lot of other wedding etiquette rules. Fortunately, the people that love me are used to the fact I'm either inept or don't care about expected social norms, so no one seemed upset or called us out on anything. Benefit of being considered "creatives," you can get away with pretty much anything! Actually, although it isn't rude to show up at the wedding with a gift, it is preferred that wedding gifts be delivered directly to the home of the bride or groom/parents of bride or groom. And although people scoff at the idea of following any sort of etiquette, the cries of dismay and shock and even anger when people actually don't follow the rules emphasize the importance of knowing what the rules actually are. And they weren't invented by people who wrote the books; they are invented by society. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted November 24, 2013 Share Posted November 24, 2013 I'm surprised people buy gifts rather than give money though. I'd expect something like a blender at a shower, not a wedding. (Just using blender as an example....) Really? I rarely give money. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OneStepAtATime Posted November 24, 2013 Share Posted November 24, 2013 I was recently invited to a wedding where the bride and groom were both from two different cultures. there was a mention asking attendees to follow their cultural preferences and not bring store bought gifts. I don't remember exactly how it was worded, but it was basically asking for money. makes things much easier to transport. the bride grew up in the US, but her parents are immigrants, as is the groom. This can definitely be a cultural thing, although in this particular instance the people sending the invitation may just be reflecting a new trend in their area. I had to get used to the norm in our area when we moved here several years ago. Money trees. On birthday and wedding invitations if they prefer money instead of gifts (for those inclined to give a gift) it will say "money tree" or "money tree donations". I had no idea what we were supposed to do with that and brought a gift the first time we were invited to a birthday party since money seemed kind of inappropriate, especially for a 5 year old. I was considered the tacky one for not respecting the wishes of the person inviting me and my child (although no one really made a big deal about it, they just tried to explain why it wasn't the norm around here). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gingersmom Posted November 24, 2013 Share Posted November 24, 2013 I think its so tacky. There is zero chance I would be giving them cash/check. Its not my job to pay for their wedding/honeymoon/down payment on house. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joshin Posted November 24, 2013 Share Posted November 24, 2013 Actually, although it isn't rude to show up at the wedding with a gift, it is preferred that wedding gifts be delivered directly to the home of the bride or groom/parents of bride or groom. And although people scoff at the idea of following any sort of etiquette, the cries of dismay and shock and even anger when people actually don't follow the rules emphasize the importance of knowing what the rules actually are. And they weren't invented by people who wrote the books; they are invented by society. Society is constantly evolving, so the rules need to evolve. At every wedding I've been to, the gifts are brought to the reception. The gift table is right next to the guest book. Friends and family are more far-flung, with people having more social circles that don't overlap, so hunting down addresses or gift lists is more complicated. Many young couples get married later so they already have a fully stocked home, and may even own a home at marriage, so the registry isn't necessary but cash is more welcome. Society has changed, as must the rules. The question we need to ask, as logical, thinking people, is why is there an outcry when rules are broken? Are we really offended on a deep level, or are we offended because it has been ingrained into us to be offended? I've seen some people get their knickers in such a twist over these little lapses in etiquette that friendships have ended or family ties are broken. (Not saying this in the case of the OP, at all!) Why isn't it okay to question them? Because it's always been that way? Well, that's a bad reason for doing anything, IMHO. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laura Corin Posted November 24, 2013 Share Posted November 24, 2013 The bride is Chinese and the groom Filipino. It isn't a Filipino tradition - at least in any of the dozen Filipino weddings I've been to in this country. Is it Chinese? Yes. You arrive with a red envelope. At a Chinese wedding, there is a table at the entrance of the wedding reception where guests give their red envelopes to attendants and sign their names on a large scroll. The attendants will immediately open the envelope, count the money inside, and record it on a register next to the guests’ names. A record is kept of how much each guest gives to the newlyweds. This is done for several reasons. One reason is bookkeeping. A record insures the newlyweds know how much each guest gave and can verify the amount of money they receive at the end of the wedding from the attendants is the same as what the guests brought. Another reason is that when unmarried guests eventually get married, the bride and groom are typically obliged to give the guest more money than what the newlyweds received at their wedding. L Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted November 24, 2013 Share Posted November 24, 2013 Well why don't we just sell tickets to weddings and be done with it? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted November 24, 2013 Share Posted November 24, 2013 Even if a certain gift is traditional in a certain culture, I still don't think you get to tell other people they have to give that gift. Tough tiddlywinks IMO. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susan in TN Posted November 24, 2013 Share Posted November 24, 2013 I see nothing wrong with it. To say gifts aren't expected is silly. It would've equally tacky to go to a wedding and not give a gift. This way ppl know what gift would be most appreciated I don't know...dh and I went to a wedding and brought a gift and when we asked where we could put the gift the usher/greeter looked at us like we had 3 heads. Only for a second though - he composed himself very quickly and thanked us and brought it somewhere. We didn't see anyone else come in with a gift or even a card. We did not know the family very well, though, so we likely just weren't familiar with their expectations. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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