If you don't have family close by, but you stay home for Christmas, what do you do?

[Dmmetler]

DH and I lost a baby right at Christmas before DD was born, and his mother died a year later. Since that point, Christmas has been something that we more hide from than anything else. We'd travel and go interesting places as a couple, and, once DD was born, we've continued that, although while we tended to go on cruises or to resorts with just the two of us, with DD we're more likely to spend Christmas getting our picture taken with Mickey.

 

DD wants to stay home this year, and we really haven't planned anything yet, so it's tempting in a way. But I'm not sure what we'd DO if we stay home. I don't have any big Christmas traditions, and, in fact, until DD was about 3, didn't even put up a tree, because I was so overstressed with the performance season. Since DD's gotten older, we do go to some of the holiday events in the area-the Nutcracker performances, A Christmas carol, the Festival of trees, etc-but that's all earlier in December. We don't do Santa. And I can barely handle singing multiple masses and Messiahs in December-it takes being in performance mode to get through them-I can't do the Christmas Eve/Christmas day services. There's just too much joy when all I want to do is crawl in a hole and pull it shut.

 

If we stay here, what can we do to make the days special? I'm very afraid that it would turn into each of us doing our own thing-probably DD writing neopets fan fiction or making movies on her computer, DH sleeping most of the day and watching TV or playing computer adventure games all night, and me feeling like I'm missing something and reading a bunch of bad e-books, or trying to catch up on all the housework that slides with all three of us home most of the time (since DH works from home)-and at the end of it, it won't feel like a break or be at all memorable, but feel like wasted time.

 

Does anyone have any suggestions?

 

 

[GreenKitty]

Are their any family or close friends you can invite over for dinner or just snack type food and chit chat?

Maybe watch Christmas movies and make cookies.

 

I know what you mean about staying home and everyone doing their own thing.

[Trilliums]

We don't live near family and have a low key Christmas.  We do not get a tree but we do decorate a potted tree--we have been growing it along for 4 years now after DS started it from seed at our previous house. 

 

Even though my kids are teenagers, we still get out our wooden train track every year and set that up.  On Christmas day we tie string to the motorized trains and watch the cats chase after them.  We usually bake something together.  We will play a couple of board games too.  Nothing spectacular, but my kids actually do remember these small traditions from year to year.  It is also a good down time to muster up energy to provide for others: do some cooking and donate to a food pantry, write notes of appreciation to the librarians or other service providers in your area, etc.

 

 

[Dmmetler]

I'm guessing she needs a break and some downtime. One side effect of her research work this year is that we've been driving a lot, and while she enjoys the experience, it's just plain hard to spend a weekend in the field after a full week (plus having extra data to collect). DH has also been working a ridiculous schedule, which plays into everyone's stress level. One of my big fears is that if he's at home, it's SO easy for him to get pulled into work. Which is one reason why something like a cruise sounds good to me-there's NO WAY he can work remotely using Cruise ship internet!

 

 

 

 

 

 

[xixstar]

I think I'd spend some time thinking about what you want christmas to look like for your daughter and for her growing up and what she will remember as an adult and see if that makes it easier to frame some christmas expectations that you're happy with.

 

We always stay home for christmas and usually have a nice big breakfast and then gifts and then play and relax all day with no expectations on our day. Maybe I'll be so motivated to put the tree away too (cause I dislike how much space it takes up). For us, it's about family that day and just being together as a family and we don't get sucked into outdoor projects or household projects that need done - it's one of the few days a year that dh is just 'there' with us, usually he is always doing something that needs done. But overall, our christmas looks very simple, I think, and I like it that way. Sometimes we even go out for Chinese for dinner too. :)

[KatieJ]

We moved 11 hours away from family some years ago now.  At first we always went home for Christmas and New Year for many reasons.

 

On the rare occasion when that didn't happen we had a low key Christmas, but filled our day with fun things too.

 

CHristmas Eve we went out for early supper and then did a light tour around town.  IF you do some research you can have fun planning out where the good lights are and make a plan for the drive.

 

Christmas day we planned a brunch and some time for playing with the new toys.  Our daughters were married by then and it was just teen boys at home so it was usually a new Gameboy or some such thing thay they were happy to spend hours getting to play with.

 

At some point we would head out to see a movie.  Whatever Christmas release was happening that year. 

 

Then home for an easy supper ( Baked ham in the oven while we were at the movie)

 

Talk to your family and see if there is some traditions they want to start.  Family game day perhaps? Movie marathon?  Or maybe they are ok with naps and playing with the new stuff and watching THe Christmas Story marathon on TV.

 

 

 

[Carol in Cal.]

We have that performance stuff, but it is always over the Sunday before Christmas, and what a relief that is!

 

Then we go to Candlelight Service on Christmas Eve--my favorite or second favorite church service all year.  Ours historically has been at 6.

 

We have special food--in our family it is cracked crab, peel and eat prawns, salad, and sourdough bread, with chocolate pie for dessert. 

 

We use our good china and our silver.

 

We put the ornaments on our Christmas tree on Christmas Eve.  Because of the tree, we don't have a fire in the fireplace, but we fill the grate with juniper branches and nestle white lotus bowls with red votive candles there. 

 

We open a few presents but not that many. 

 

On Christmas Day we go to church at 10.  Then we have a little brunch and go to a distant family dinner, but if we didn't have that we would probably head to the beach or trails if it wasn't raining too hard--we like celebrating with jaunts to the outdoors, enjoying God's good creation in wild nature.  Or if it was wet we might try to find a vintage Christmas movie to go to.  The Stanford Theater is not that far away. 

[Ellie]

DH and I lost a baby right at Christmas before DD was born, and his mother died a year later. Since that point, Christmas has been something that we more hide from than anything else. We'd travel and go interesting places as a couple, and, once DD was born, we've continued that, although while we tended to go on cruises or to resorts with just the two of us, with DD we're more likely to spend Christmas getting our picture taken with Mickey.

 

DD wants to stay home this year, and we really haven't planned anything yet, so it's tempting in a way. But I'm not sure what we'd DO if we stay home. I don't have any big Christmas traditions, and, in fact, until DD was about 3, didn't even put up a tree, because I was so overstressed with the performance season. Since DD's gotten older, we do go to some of the holiday events in the area-the Nutcracker performances, A Christmas carol, the Festival of trees, etc-but that's all earlier in December. We don't do Santa. And I can barely handle singing multiple masses and Messiahs in December-it takes being in performance mode to get through them-I can't do the Christmas Eve/Christmas day services. There's just too much joy when all I want to do is crawl in a hole and pull it shut.

 

If we stay here, what can we do to make the days special? I'm very afraid that it would turn into each of us doing our own thing-probably DD writing neopets fan fiction or making movies on her computer, DH sleeping most of the day and watching TV or playing computer adventure games all night, and me feeling like I'm missing something and reading a bunch of bad e-books, or trying to catch up on all the housework that slides with all three of us home most of the time (since DH works from home)-and at the end of it, it won't feel like a break or be at all memorable, but feel like wasted time.

 

Does anyone have any suggestions?

 

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

 

One thing we started doing when we attended a church with a big Christmas production schedule was to decorate on Thanksgiving weekend. Even though we haven't attended that church since 1987, we still put everything up that weekend; then we get to sit and enjoy it for the whole month. :-)

 

Do you do Advent? That would be something simple that could help you. Here's a site with some ideas that you might like.

 

I have friends who decorate their Christmas trees in purple for Advent, and then on Christmas Eve change the decorations to "regular" Christmas decorations (and of course they leave their trees up for all of the Christmas season...or at least until Epiphany).

 

Sometimes I made a birthday cake for Jesus, and we'd sing "Happy Birthday" before we opened presents. :-)

 

For most of my adult life, there were only Mr. Ellie, the two dds, and me for Christmas (and Thanksgiving). Sometimes there was Mr. Ellie's mother. For the last, oh, 10 years, Mr. Ellie and I have tried to invite people to Christmas dinner who also have no family in town. We've had as many as 10 of us (no gift exchange or anything, just dinner, playing Settlers of Catan or Pirates of the Caribbean Game of Life, or whatever). I envy folks who have a houseful of people...except for the ones who have had housefuls of people all their lives and they are DONE with it, lol.

[Kim in Appalachia]

:grouphug:

 

Our Christmas is spent at home, far from our extended family.  But we have a lot of fun at Christmas.  We have a special Christmas Eve dinner, then spend the rest of the evening watching Chistmas shows/movies.  Christmas morning we do presents, then have a big breakfast.  After that the kids play. We spend the day together, not going anywhere or needing to get anything else done (which is the best present. :) )  We play board games, eat lots of cookies, and have a nice dinner, maybe watch another movie.  The day is relaxing and fun.  

 

I think the key is not to put a lot of pressure on yourself. Just be there and enjoy your dd.  

[kbutton]

My husband works a lot of holidays (medical). We do have Christmas together (the four of us) this year, so that will be nice. We make fun food for as many meals as we can stand it--the kids want gingerbread waffles for breakfast. We usually play with the new toys all together or play board games and things. We might watch a movie or go outside for a little while to walk or kick a soccer ball around. We might do hobby stuff, but only if we can be together while we do it (everyone reading in the same vicinity is "together"). If we haven't finished special crafts or food for New Year's (when we'll see some family), we might work on that--we typically make chocolate covered nut clusters, and we might make popcorn balls.

[m0mmaBuck]

My inlaws moved nearby a few years ago but for our first 10 Christmases together it was just me and DH. Here are some things we used to do:

 

On Christmas Eve, eat a special dinner. Then drive around looking at lights before going to midnight Mass.

 

On Christmas Day, make an awesome brunch and go to a movie or cuddle up and watch a Christmas movie marathon.

.

[kroe1]

My DH and I work every Christmas. Our DD basically plays videos games or reads all day by herself. Sad, but true. It is just the nature of the healthcare industry.

[vonfirmath]

Generally we just hang out and do stuff.  I try to have some special activities planned. But really -- the groups we are part of provide enough variety already.  Try to be intentional about a holiday at home, to make sure it does not turn into what you are afraid of.

 

I know this year my son has already asked to decorate cookies so I'm trying to make time to do that. (He wants to roll out, cut out, and decorate. But I'm afraid that is beyond my abilities!)

 

[Anne]

Sometimes we make gingerbread houses; sometimes we don't. Sometimes we put lights up and really go hog-wild decorating; sometimes we don't. Sometimes there's a lot of special baking; sometimes there's not.

 

The point is, what would YOUR family like to do? Call a family meeting and brainstorm now about what everyone wants. Make a plan to do at least some of the things on the list and talk amongst you about how to achieve them without stressing out!

 

Anne

[Jenny in Florida]

We've always done Christmas at home with just the four of us.

 

We get up whenever the kids make us do so (later, now that they are teens) and start the day with stockings. Then, we have a simple breakfast of bagels and coffee/tea, after which we open gifts and generally hang out together.

 

After that, anyone who got something he or she just can't wait to play with or use digs into that. New books get perused, games get played, etc.

 

Meanwhile, I head into the kitchen. We always have a big Indian-inspired feast for dinner on Christmas day (because it's everyone's favorite meal). I cook or at least prep some of the components ahead of time, so I don't have to spend all day in the kitchen.

 

We play music, chat, snack and basically relax until late afternoon. (I've been known to take a nap.)

 

When evening rolls around, we set the table with our "good" plates and such. And my husband always makes sure each person has an English Christmas cracker at his or her place setting. We light candles and turn on soft holiday music and begin the meal by opening the crackers. Everyone must wear the silly paper crown for the duration of the meal. And we read every joke and riddle and examine the trinkets. My son usually insists that we make toasts. Then, we eat.

 

After dinner, we often watch a Christmas movie and/or play a board game.

 

It works for us.

 

 

[lynn]

I love our low key holidays at home  We never travel on Christmas and we don't invite anyone. (We prefer to visit throughout the year, a lot less stressful)  So it's just the 6 of us. Christmas Eve I put together a meal of everyones favorite "appetizers" along with a few new recipes to try, then watch A Christmas Story together.   We enjoy the morning of opening presents and eating cinnamon rolls.  If I am not in a baking mood we usually go out to Wafflehouse Christmas afternoon.  (You'd be surprised how many people go to Waffle House Christmas Day).   The kids stay busy with their new electronic gadgets, toys etc.  We have been renting movies for Christmas night    No appointments to keep, no classes scheduled, no schoolwork to be done, no place to go, just time to relax and enjoy the family before our busy schedules start up again in the new year.

[Tess in the Burbs]

Make it what you want. 

 

My son's birthday is Christmas so we purposely celebrate Christmas on Christmas Eve.  On Christmas day he picks all the meals.  We make what we want....never a full table dinner with ham and such.  Usually chocolate chip pancakes, bbq chicken pizza, and cake!  We do whatever ds wants to do.  Could be a movie at home, playing a game, or everyone doing their own thing.  It's good.  We don't do Santa either....and we are just fine.  It's a relaxing day at home.  And we like it that way. 

 

Pick out your favorite foods to make.  Play a game, watch a movie.  Go see the holiday light displays.  Make it what you need to get through the day at home. 

[sewingmama]

DH and I lost a baby right at Christmas before DD was born, and his mother died a year later. Since that point, Christmas has been something that we more hide from than anything else. We'd travel and go interesting places as a couple, and, once DD was born, we've continued that, although while we tended to go on cruises or to resorts with just the two of us, with DD we're more likely to spend Christmas getting our picture taken with Mickey.

 

DD wants to stay home this year, and we really haven't planned anything yet, so it's tempting in a way. But I'm not sure what we'd DO if we stay home. I don't have any big Christmas traditions, and, in fact, until DD was about 3, didn't even put up a tree, because I was so overstressed with the performance season. Since DD's gotten older, we do go to some of the holiday events in the area-the Nutcracker performances, A Christmas carol, the Festival of trees, etc-but that's all earlier in December. We don't do Santa. And I can barely handle singing multiple masses and Messiahs in December-it takes being in performance mode to get through them-I can't do the Christmas Eve/Christmas day services. There's just too much joy when all I want to do is crawl in a hole and pull it shut.

 

If we stay here, what can we do to make the days special? I'm very afraid that it would turn into each of us doing our own thing-probably DD writing neopets fan fiction or making movies on her computer, DH sleeping most of the day and watching TV or playing computer adventure games all night, and me feeling like I'm missing something and reading a bunch of bad e-books, or trying to catch up on all the housework that slides with all three of us home most of the time (since DH works from home)-and at the end of it, it won't feel like a break or be at all memorable, but feel like wasted time.

 

Does anyone have any suggestions?

Well you pretty much nailed what we do here :(

 

DH sleeps all day/hangs out on the computer talking to his family in Canada and is generally grumpy because we don't live close to family.

 

The kids take off and play with their gifts.

 

I usually spend my time cooking Christmas lunch so the kids can refuse to eat it and DH takes his plate to his room to keep chatting online and then I spend the afternoon cleaning up all the mess.

 

I say if you can go away then do. I would but we can never afford it. I kind of hate Christmas Day...we live in the country with the nearest town 2hours away...so its pointless to go out for the day. Besides the kids dont want to leave their toys and DH wont leave his computer.

 

I'd love to go to Disney.... Or anywhere.

 

 

You really do need to make specific plans if you are going to stay home...otherwise it gets a little boring at home.

[Annie G]

We usually have stuffed shells or lasagna for our main meal, and then go to a movie.  We go to lots of movies but on Christmas everyone talks to each other and it's just a really fun experience- the one day of the year I enjoy talking to strangers.g    And we usually make something sweet- either cookies or a pie or something.  

[dbmamaz]

Ok, here's what we do:  xmas eve the kids (and sometimes parents) get new PJs. 

 

We get up in the morning and open presents, and the kids have time to do whatever they want while I make breakfast - i do a big, special breakfast.  After breakfast, we have to do something together.  I always make sure to get some combination of - a big lego kit to put together, some movies we would all like, a puzzle to work on, some board games . . . buy things that can be done together and everyone will enjoy.  no one is allowed on their own computers until after dinner - which is also big, and served early.  

 

Oh, we stay in PJs all day . . . except dh cuz he hates that.  

 

Its mellow and sweet.  

[coffeegal]

We put our tree up late, Dec. 20th - Dec. 24th. Dh turns on Christmas music, I bake cookies and make hot cocoa, and everyone decorates the tree.

 

Christmas Day: We wait until everyone is ready before the kids dive into their Santa presents. They eat candy and oranges while I cook breakfast. After a while we open the presents under the Christmas tree. After that the kids play with their toys or read their books. Dh relaxes. I cook a nice meal, not as fancy as Thanksgiving though. Then we watch Christmas movies galore. Last year my sister sent a bucket of popcorn, so we ate that while watching. It's a relaxing holiday for us.

 

:grouphug:  Hope you work things out to both your and your dd's desires. :grouphug:

[mommymonster]

:grouphug:

 

Our little rituals have developed over the years (after some spectacular fails were discarded). If your normal ritual is to travel, maybe everyone should sit down and try to design a "starting point" that you want to try out. I know that some people poo-poo volunteering on the holidays, but it might be meaningful and keep the family focused together? 

 

We eat a special meal on Christmas Eve (potato soup and Polish sausage) and the boys get to open one gift. On Christmas morning, we open presents and have a big breakfast. Then the kids play with their toys. We usually have Christmas dinner at our house, and a number of friends who also do not have family in the area join us. Perhaps put out the word that you will be in town and are interested in having people over? I've found that there's really no shortage of people willing to eat a dinner someone else cooks...

[Starr]

You could also go away for just a couple of days to a nearby city. Make plans of fun things to do, get tickets or whatever ahead of time and enjoy. Being gone for 2 or 3 days might work well for you this year.

[Joyofsixreboot]

We open presents and enjoy them, then have foods we especially like, not necessarily a traditional meal. In the afternoon we go to a movie. It has become a fun tradition for the kids. Granted, we seldom go to a movie so it's fun for them. Later in the evening if we're still looking for something to do we play UNO.

[Pippen]

The years that we've been home have been low key--a mix of some planned time and some downtime.  I wouldn't be at all concerned about having some downtime!

 

Christmas Eve we do appetizers and Christmas cookies, while watching a holiday dvd at home.  If we weren't joining family on Christmas Day we might go to a movie or volunteer to serve meals somewhere.

 

Build a gingerbread house

 

One year we had really nasty flu going through the house Christmas week so I bought small artificial trees for each of the kids and set the kitchen table up as a craft table for them to make ornaments. They went to it!  Years later I'm still pulling out some of those ornaments.

 

 

[Night Elf]

On Christmas Eve, we watch Christmas movies. When the kids were younger, Christmas day was just playing with their new toys all day. I would also have movies on that they could choose to watch or not. I always get something fun myself, a video game, or a dvd set. So I am occupied with my own thing. now that the kids are older, we still do pretty much the same thing but without the playing with toys. They just have a regular day like any weekend type day. I do like to put out a puzzle for those who want to do one. We work on it at various times depending on mood. This year I've purchased two new puzzles but aren't giving them as gifts, so we have something to do on Christmas Eve.

[Chris in VA]

I'm so sorry for your losses. 

 

Pls forgive my bumbling way of asking this, but, do you want to continue to hide from Christmas, or do you feel you might be being prompted by your dd to make some steps to heal? I like what the previous poster said about the memories that you want your dd to have re Christmas. Do you want her to remember it being a difficult time, or something else? Of course, she'll prob remember your great trips and all, but does she now know why you go places instead of being home?

 

I do not know what it is like to lose a parent or a child. I am not saying, "Get over it already." Not at all. :grouphug: 

You sound like you might consider doing something different, however, because of your dd. I think sometimes others we dearly love can lift our heads from mourning and get us looking at life again. Is it possible she is doing that for you?

 

What would help you honor your losses, and honor her needs? What would help you feel peace? 

 

If the joy of the Christmas service is too much for you, could you go to a low-key service? Could you ask for a  Eucharistic

visit from your clergy? (Pls forgive me--I don't remember if you are Christian or not. :blushing: ) 

 

I wish you heart-healing so you can one day re-enter into the joy. 

[Sharpie]

I love staying home for Christmas.  It is so much less hectic! 

 

Some of our traditions before Christmas day are: decorating the tree, doing Advent activities, baking Christmas goodies to give to others, getting out our large basket of Christmas books & spending time reading them aloud, making a new ornament for the tree, and listening to Christmas music. 

 

Christmas Eve we attend a candlelight service which has become a tradition.  Upon arriving home, my children get to open one designated gift, new pjs.  The excitement is palatable. :)

 

Christmas morning the kids awake to open their stockings before breakfast which is in the oven cooking (I make it the day before & get up before the kids to slip it in the oven).  After breakfast we read the Christmas story & open gifts. 

 

I do cook a special Christmas meal for lunch but I enjoy cooking.  In the afternoon, we spend the day playing new games as a family, reading books & relaxing.  Our typical schedule is hectic so I LOVE the "down" time of Christmas day.  My dh and I are both introverts so it works well for us. 

 

Start traditions and make memories.  My best memories of my childhood involve the traditions. :)

[GreenKitty]

I only wish we could stay home and do nothing!

[TracyP]

We also spend Christmas at home by ourselves. I have grown to love it!

 

Dh will work Christmas Eve day. At 6:00 we go to a candlelight church service. We come home and open presents. Our presents always include a family box with new games/movies. We stay up late eating snacks and playing our new games.

 

Christmas Day is a total lounging day. Late breakfast, stay in pj's, play with new toys, watch new movies, etc. I will make a ham for supper (so I don't have to hurry to get started ;)) This is also very low key. Nothing elaborate, just a couple favorite side dishes.

 

This has morphed over time to what it is now. We have had an ongoing conversation about what *we* want this holiday to look like since we basically were able to start from scratch. :grouphug: I'm sorry for your losses. Good luck creating new memories!