Worried about my Daughter

[Dandelion]

Glad she's ok!  I wouldn't make a stink of it with the other mom, but my child would not be going on outings like this with this family again unless DH or I were going along. 

[Eagle]

I am so glad to hear your dd is safe. These people are incredibly irresponsible and I would never trust my children with them again. No water on a hike? Almost 5 hours late? If something bad/unpredictable had happened on the trail these people would not have been able to cope with the situation. It would have been dark if anything had caused any further delay and they had no supplies (not even WATER!!) for an emergency overnight stay.

[bolt.]

At least I sent water. She shared it with the birthday boy, since he didn't have any.

[SunnyDays]

I'm very glad she's home safely.

 

I didn't vote because there wasn't an option for: absolutely terrified and thinking of worst case scenarios, while at the same time hoppin' mad and going over in my head all the choice words I would have for these people when my child was safely in our house.

 

I am floors that they took this group of kids out, brought them home 4-5 hours late, and didn't bother to take appropriate supplies?!? Did they think this was just like an afternoon at the playground? And if you can't tell by now, this mama bear would not be able to refrain from giving her a piece of my mind.

 

Again, glad she's okay... Get some rest. :grouphug:

[klmama]

The fact that the mom was very apologetic tells me she knew she really messed up, so I wouldn't say anything more about it.   Chewing her out can't change what happened.  I'm glad your dd is okay. 

[kitten18]

At least I sent water. She shared it with the birthday boy, since he didn't have any.

Wow. 

[swellmomma]

I would be very angry.  My teens were on an activity with a parent from cadets last spring and few boys.  They showed back up almost 4 hours late, and I was livid.  You don't keep other people's children out past the return time without a phone call or text first to clear it.  When I say my kids can go on an outing I expect them back at the appointed time.  10-15 minutes late no problem, later with contact no problem.  No contact and hours late, big problem.  What if I have other plans? If I am expecting them back by 330 I may be okay with up to 4 pm but beyond that we are getting into the dinner hour and family time that I did not agree to give up kwim.  The night my kids were late I had to be at the meeting place in the next town at the appointed time and sat there for hours with tired and hungry kids in the car because the teens were supposed to be back at 4 and showed up at 8pm

[momto10blessings]

I'm pretty laid back about this kind of thing, but really, unless there's a good reason, I would say something. No scenes, but just, "You know, that was really late and I was really worried, like on the verge of calling the police worried. I just wanted you to know that." If she's sort of oblivious, as it sounds like she is, she probably just didn't think.

If I was in this situation I would say exactly this and probably never let my kid go alone with them again. So glad she is ok

[ErinE]

At least I sent water. She shared it with the birthday boy, since he didn't have any.

Sweet girl! So glad she's fine. As a reasonable person, I would have thought she was probably okay. As a parent, I would imagine all the worst case scenarios.

[PrincessMommy]

Not to mention: Providing a lunch... no time planned in which to eat lunch. Going to/from a cave, in order to enjoy the cave... no time planned to go into the cave. Oh, also, no breaks, no water, and no snacks. But she had a great time.

 

Wow... that's pretty irresponsible.  I've done a lot of hikes with my kids and we always plan water, snacks, and lunch.  And we walk slow with lots of breaks for um... the kids' sake ;)

 

Glad your dd had a grand time, nonetheless.

[DawnM]

I wonder what the other parents thought or said.

[Heatherwith4]

Obviously, these people aren't very bright, so I don't think my child would be going anywhere else with them.

 

I'm glad she had a good time anyway, though.

[AimeeM]

No water is darn near criminally stupid. I'm so glad your daughter is home safely!

 

This.

My daughter's school takes the children hiking pretty frequently. The children are required to bring a water bottle AND there is extra water available.

[elfgivas]

for me, its a mixed bag of reactions.

a) i'm glad she is safe and that she had a good time :)

b) i'm glad you sent water with her; that is the responsibility of the hiker, not of the organizer

c) organizing group outtings is both skill and art.  i am not at all suprised that she forgot to account for how much longer it takes to do things with many people vs. few people. 

d) re no time allotted for visiting caves: that was a mistake, but see ©

e) re no time for lunch breaks: often hikers only take a break at the destination so muscles don't cramp, etc.  so lunch + exploring destination becomes only one break.  also, see ©.

 

i think its a cool birthday idea, and was likely a ton of fun.  your daugher had water.  your daughter had fun.  she was outside, with friends, seeing new things.

 

time management was a problem.  maybe it was THE problem. 

that doesn't make them "not safe" or "irresponsible".  it makes them unskilled.  that is very different.

 

all that said, i would have been sideways with concern had it been my daugher, even though all our dds are super competent and experienced out of doors.  i don't like when they are super late with folks i don't know well, in places where i do know many of the dreadful things that can happen, but rarely do.  dh, on the other hand, who is the most experienced of us all, would have talked me down.

 

just a slightly different take on it all....

ann

[Catherine]

Without reading any other replies, I would probably mention that I'm so glad they are OK, because I had been terribly worried, what with the unexpected lateness and lack of contact. Then I'd gauge the response-truly sorry, or irritated at me. That would probably tell me what I'd need to know about the next outing. Really, I try to let me kids have a life of their own, but even I would draw the line at irresponsible parents, at least, I would for an 8 year old. By 10, honestly, I would expect my own kid to remember water.

[sassenach]

At this point, I don't think there's anything more to say/do, except never let dd go alone with them again. I'd probably have a hard time with friendly conversation, too. I hope you don't see her too often.

 

No water?!?!?!

[Desert Strawberry]

We hike often. I'm very comfortable in the wilderness.

 

1. I would not have let my kid go anywhere with people I don't know well. Not criticizing. Just not a choice I would ever make.

 

2. I know exactly what time we get back from our trips. If they do this often, how could she be so far off?

 

3. I'm not a worrier. However, I would have definitely clarified the time with the leader of the trip. By 2 hours late, with no contact, I'd call a ranger or sheriff. By 4 hours, I'd be in an utter panic.

 

4. If I got my kid back 5 hours late from a caving trip, I would be crying all over her when I finally saw her again. No one would have to wonder how I was feeling about the situation. 

 

FTR, I am pretty flakey. I don't take other people's kids places. Too much responsibility.

[Luanne]

I haven't read all the responses past page 2, but I wouldn't let my child go with these people again.  They sound very irresponsible.  I don't like to let my child go places with these kinds of people.

[Mommyof4ks]

When my dd was 8 I would have been worried and probably crying at that point, but now that she is 13 it is different and I would not think much about it. There is something about younger kids that makes things like that scarier. Outdoor stuff tends to take longer, because it is easy to go off and explore without paying attention to time.

[Mommy22alyns]

Glad to hear she's safe.  They would never be taking my kid anywhere ever again.

[Ellie]

Unless they have one heck of a good reason, I'd be pretty ticked off at my kid not being brought back home until 3+ hours after they said they would and without any "we're late but okay" call. (Especially by dark. When I see it's getting dark, I'd be getting really worried.)

 

Rule one when going hiking:

 

Be prepared. Phone charged, first aid, water..

 

Rule two when going hiking:

 

Make sure people know where you are going and when you should be back so they know when to be concerned.

 

Without a really good reason, I wouldn't let my kids go hiking with them again.

 

ETA: I do think there can be good reasons. Injury for example. Flat tire. Lots of simple things that can cause delays. But I'd be calling in reinforcements when it'd gets dark. I'd do that if it was my grown husband and field trained sons. Because standard protocol is there is cause for concern about someone, anyone, hiking 3 hours past when they said they'd be home and after dark and you can't reach them.

 

:iagree: :iagree: :iagree: :iagree: :iagree:

[Ellie]

Not to mention: Providing a lunch... no time planned in which to eat lunch. Going to/from a cave, in order to enjoy the cave... no time planned to go into the cave. Oh, also, no breaks, no water, and no snacks. But she had a great time.

 

:blink:  :001_huh:  :mad:

 

Un.be.liev.a.ble.

 

Yeah, this would be the last time I would let my child go with these people.

 

I don't know if I'd be able to behave graciously, so I would probably not volunteer to say anything. But if the mother brought it up to me outright, I'd have to say something. Not in my dd's hearing, because *she* didn't do anything wrong, and she had a good time.

 

My own mother might have done something like this. Thank goodness this is not one of the ways I take after her, lol.

[Trish]

The parents can be well meaning, nice and good, but if they don't have common sense then ANYTHING can be a risk with these people. So thank them kindly for taking your daughter and don't let them have her anymore.

[SKL]

This reminds me of the time my sisters and I planned a family/close friends week at a campsite (cabin camping).  One of the individuals in our cabin was an AIDS patient.  Another was my then-8yo niece, whose parents were not present.  At the time, I thought all went well.  Child was returned to parents healthy and happy, etc.

 

Well, some time later, I learned that there was a big blowout.  Apparently the parents of the 8yo did not know the AIDS patient was going to be there.  Reportedly the 8yo let it slip and then said, "oops, I wasn't supposed to tell you that."  The mom was furious with all of us aunts/uncles and declared that none of us was ever allowed to take her daughter anywhere again.

 

Of course this was all news to me - I had no idea that the parents did not know who else was going to be in our cabin.  I am not such a jerk / idiot as to ask an 8yo to keep a secret from her parents.  But, I was summarily banned from all unsupervised contact with the child.  Oh well, I was too busy for that anyway . . . .

 

ETA:  As noted in an earlier post, I would not consider the family in the OP reliable to take my kid on an excursion, at least until she got older.  However, that would be the extent of it.  In all likelihood there was more to the story and the facts as presented by an 8yo could be slightly inaccurate or incomplete.  ;)

[trulycrabby]

So glad your daughter is safe. Those people would be dead to me. I didn't see that they ever explained why no phone calls were made as soon as they entered an area where cell service was available.

[Haiku]

SKL, I know our opinions are often very different about things, so please understand that I am not trying to be rude or snarky.

 

Please don't refer to someone as an "AIDS patient." Unless you are in a medical facility, a person with AIDS is a person with AIDS, not a patient.

 

My daughter technically has AIDS, although in this day of treatment advances, it's rapidly becoming an outdated clinical marker. Calling someone an AIDS patient conjures up pictures of a deathly ill person. My dd is in college, majoring in biology. She ran varsity track and played varsity soccer (on a boys' team) and pre-professional academy soccer in high school. She's healthy and happy and productive. "AIDS patient" perpetuates the stereotype of a wasted person who is dying.

 

I know you're not overly concerned with PC speech, and I understand that, but I also know my daughter would be mortified if someone referred to her as an AIDS patient.

[SKL]

SKL, I know our opinions are often very different about things, so please understand that I am not trying to be rude or snarky.

 

Please don't refer to someone as an "AIDS patient." Unless you are in a medical facility, a person with AIDS is a person with AIDS, not a patient.

 

My daughter technically has AIDS, although in this day of treatment advances, it's rapidly becoming an outdated clinical marker. Calling someone an AIDS patient conjures up pictures of a deathly ill person. My dd is in college, majoring in biology. She ran varsity track and played varsity soccer (on a boys' team) and pre-professional academy soccer in high school. She's healthy and happy and productive. "AIDS patient" perpetuates the stereotype of a wasted person who is dying.

 

I know you're not overly concerned with PC speech, and I understand that, but I also know my daughter would be mortified if someone referred to her as an AIDS patient.

 

Well he was under treatment, sick (in the bathroom a lot), needed help getting around, and in fact died very soon after the trip.  (ETA: the person who shared his room in the cabin was a nurse.)  This trip was a big deal because everyone knew it would be his last.  Does that help?

 

I was trying to be brief and a little cryptic but this is not about someone who happened to be HIV positive but living a normal life.

 

[Word Nerd]

 

ETA: As noted in an earlier post, I would not consider the family in the OP reliable to take my kid on an excursion, at least until she got older. However, that would be the extent of it. In all likelihood there was more to the story and the facts as presented by an 8yo could be slightly inaccurate or incomplete. ;)

The facts presented by the mother herself as an excuse for being four hours late warrant the strong reactions in this thread IMHO.

[Catwoman]

Well he was under treatment, sick (in the bathroom a lot), needed help getting around, and in fact died very soon after the trip. (ETA: the person who shared his room in the cabin was a nurse.) This trip was a big deal because everyone knew it would be his last. Does that help?

 

I was trying to be brief and a little cryptic but this is not about someone who happened to be HIV positive but living a normal life.

 

I'm so sorry to hear about that poor little boy. :(

[Catwoman]

SKL, I know our opinions are often very different about things, so please understand that I am not trying to be rude or snarky.

 

Please don't refer to someone as an "AIDS patient." Unless you are in a medical facility, a person with AIDS is a person with AIDS, not a patient.

 

My daughter technically has AIDS, although in this day of treatment advances, it's rapidly becoming an outdated clinical marker. Calling someone an AIDS patient conjures up pictures of a deathly ill person. My dd is in college, majoring in biology. She ran varsity track and played varsity soccer (on a boys' team) and pre-professional academy soccer in high school. She's healthy and happy and productive. "AIDS patient" perpetuates the stereotype of a wasted person who is dying.

 

I know you're not overly concerned with PC speech, and I understand that, but I also know my daughter would be mortified if someone referred to her as an AIDS patient.

I as thinking the exact same thing until SKL posted the clarification about how sick the poor little guy really was. I'm surprised he was even allowed to go on the trip, but I hope he managed to have a good time even though he was so ill.

[msjones]

Some people just are not time people.  Seems like you found some.  They probably shouldn't supervise groups of children on hiking trips.  

 

Very glad your daughter (and everyone else) was okay.  I would have been very, very worried.  We hike and camp a lot, and if something goes wrong out there (even something sort of minor like a sprained ankle) it can turn bad quickly.  

 

 

 

 

[Joyofsixreboot]

Just not something I'd get worried about. YMMV

[ThatHomeschoolDad]

I had to click "other" in the poll because there wasn't a selection for driving out there in a crazed fury.  Police might be a good idea, too.

[Seasider]

I am glad she is home safe but your situation came to my mind this morning. I am angry for you!

 

Sounds like this is the kind of person that, no matter what you say, will not change her ways. That would not prevent me from letting her know she was in the wrong, but it would prevent me from ever again sending my child out in her care.

 

When folks go missing in outdoor/wilderness situations, time is of the essence in an effective recovery. At the very least, she should have been in contact with you sooner, with profuse apologies. What was her excuse for not calling you? I think a text near four hours late does not qualify as sufficient communication under the circumstances.

[bolt.]

The text I got was as soon as they got back to vehicles / in service range.

[Seasider]

The text I got was as soon as they got back to vehicles / in service range.

 

Sigh. Poor, poor planning. Glad it all worked out and that your dd had a good adventure of it.