Worried about my Daughter

[bolt.]

It's over now: they are on their way back to town, should be home at 8:10. Feel free to weigh in over whether you would be angry, and what you would do after the fact.

 

Original details:

 

My DD8 went on a 'birthday party' outing to the nearby mountains with a (male) friend from school. They took bikes, they are going to see a cave. The family has done this many times. I am generally acquainted with the mom. We exchanged phone numbers and made sure text messaging worked.

 

The mom said they would be back by about 3:30. It's now [EDITED] past 7:00. (Although 3:30 really did sound overly optimistic, even at first.)

 

I've called and texted, and there is no response -- the phone is either off, or out of range. Lots of places in the mountains are out of range, but the highway to/from is not.

 

I'm beginning to have mama bear feelings about the situation... possibly disproportionate? I'm not good with my mama bear feelings because I tend to be the hyper-logical type under normal circumstances.

 

Please share your thoughts, how you would feel/react, that sort of thing. Oh, and pray too.

 

Thanks.

[GSOchristie]

My husband always does this, tells me (or someone else) fishing/hiking/camping/biking is going to take 3 hours when it will really take 5. So I probably wouldn't be too worried.

[Annie G]

I'm thinking everything is ok but time got away from them. But the mom should be more aware of the time and call/text you to make sure it's ok that dd is late. 

[Jennifer in MI]

I'd be angry and then worried.  But, maybe her cell phone ran out of battery after they lost track of time.

[Susan C.]

If the adults are there, give it more time. I would be comforted by the fact that adults are there, but still worried.  I'm wondering if they are out of range for cell, or if their cell's batteries are dead. My dd's cell keeps trying to find a signal if she is out of range, then her battery runs out.

[momto10blessings]

Outdoor stuff does take longer some times. We don't have cell service in the mountains near our home and have had this happen before. 2 1/2 hours seems a bit extreme though. If I didn't hear from them by dark I would call the park service (assuming they are in a park?)

Try not to worry too much, I'm sure the outing took a bit longer- maybe some of the kids were slower on their bikes than expected or they decided to go on a different trail than originally planned. If the cave has tours they may have had to wait for a new tour.

If that has been the case it would have been right for one of them to drive down the road a bit and call parents . You don't just keep young kids out longer than expected without their parents approval. I would be a bit upset, especially if it was parents I didn't know well.

Saying a prayer

[Laurie4b]

I'd call the park ranger at this point before the office closes just to be on the safe side.

[8circles]

Hugs. That stinks. Praying.

[NicAnn]

I'm sorry! That would be so frightening, whether it should be or not.

I'd be worried, personally, I'd call the ranger just to be sure.

[bolt.]

6:15 now. I don't know about calling whatever is park-ranger like for the area. I'll at least look up who/what it is, I guess.

[Dory]

6:15 now. I don't know about calling whatever is park-ranger like for the area. I'll at least look up who/what it is, I guess.

 

I would change my vote to worried by now then. 3 hours late is getting pretty late.

[DawnM]

Yeah, I would be upset.  It will be dark soon.

[houseofkids&pets]

Hoping that your dd is home by now. :grouphug:

 

I understand why you would feel worried, but they are probably having fun and just lost track of time.

 

(OK, I would be insanely mad that this parent did not try to contact me to let me know they would be late, but since you know that cell reception is poor, I'd give the family a break.)

[PrincessMommy]

6:15 now. I don't know about calling whatever is park-ranger like for the area. I'll at least look up who/what it is, I guess.

 

Most park ranger offices close by 5 or 6...it's probably too late.  Hoping your dd is home now.  It's dark outside.

[ChristusG]

I'd be very worried. I'm a worrier as it is. Please update us.

[Murphy101]

Unless they have one heck of a good reason, I'd be pretty ticked off at my kid not being brought back home until 3+ hours after they said they would and without any "we're late but okay" call. (Especially by dark. When I see it's getting dark, I'd be getting really worried.)

 

Rule one when going hiking:

 

Be prepared. Phone charged, first aid, water..

 

Rule two when going hiking:

 

Make sure people know where you are going and when you should be back so they know when to be concerned.

 

Without a really good reason, I wouldn't let my kids go hiking with them again.

 

ETA: I do think there can be good reasons. Injury for example. Flat tire. Lots of simple things that can cause delays. But I'd be calling in reinforcements when it'd gets dark. I'd do that if it was my grown husband and field trained sons. Because standard protocol is there is cause for concern about someone, anyone, hiking 3 hours past when they said they'd be home and after dark and you can't reach them.

[zoobie]

Worried and angry. Hoping all is well and these people are just morons.

[PrincessMommy]

I meant to say in my OP - at hour one I'd be worried... by hour 3 I'd vacillate between seriously ticked off and ready to call a posse to help me find my child.

[bolt.]

6:30 -- Not dark yet. No contact yet. Just tried calling again.

 

Haven't found info for local ranger/similar... still looking into that, though it may be late enough to be pointless.

[texasmama]

(((Hugs))) I would be very worried.

[Farrar]

I voted worried, but I wouldn't be crazy worried.  Just a little anxious.  I think it would be hard not to be.  But if it was family friends I trust, I would be talking myself down at least for a little while here.  I tend to think things will work out and I'd be quick to forgive in part because if I was ever out, driving home with the other family's kid and got a flat tire and a dead cell phone area I'd want them to be understanding toward me.

[ChristusG]

Do you know where they are? How far away? I'd be getting in my vehicle very soon and driving the route there.

[ChristusG]

Oops, double post.

[jrn]

Praying! :grouphug:

[Jennifer in MI]

Is there another contact person?  Was it just the mom and her child with your daughter?  Is there a husband in the picture?  Can you call their home number?  

 

At this point, I'd be driving out to where you thought they might be - just to see if they aren't stranded on the side of the road with a flat or something.  Do you know which route they were going to take?

[NicAnn]

Do you know where they are? How far away? I'd be getting in my vehicle very soon and driving the route there.

Ditto. At 3 hours, with an 8 year old, I'd be driving there. I'd also be hella pissed.

 

Please update when she gets home!

[bolt.]

Do you know where they are? How far away? I'd be getting in my vehicle very soon and driving the route there.

 

I was thinking about that. I do know where they went, and I could guess the 'probably most plausible' route -- but what if I miss them en-route, and they call, and I'm out driving the highways at that point, a half hour or more away myself? Maybe DH? I don't know if he'd recognize them / the vehicle. I'm not sure I'd recognize the vehicle.

[Murphy101]

6:30 -- Not dark yet. No contact yet. Just tried calling again.

 

Haven't found info for local ranger/similar... still looking into that, though it may be late enough to be pointless.

 

 

If you call the local no emergency police number and tell them your situation, they will point you in the right direction or make the call themselves. I'd be calling the police at 7 sharp and dh would already be in the car heading out to track them down too.

 

 

I voted worried, but I wouldn't be crazy worried.  Just a little anxious.  I think it would be hard not to be.  But if it was family friends I trust, I would be talking myself down at least for a little while here.  I tend to think things will work out and I'd be quick to forgive in part because if I was ever out, driving home with the other family's kid and got a flat tire and a dead cell phone area I'd want them to be understanding toward me.

I do think there can be cases where I would be understanding. Like we pointed out, a flat tire or something minor but frustratingly difficult to deal with.

 

But if they didn't have a good reason, I'd be livid.

 

It doesn't sound like the OP knows them very well, so I'm sure the lack of confidence in them isn't helping tame the worries.

[sbgrace]

I'd be concerned at this point. When does it get dark there? I think I would call the local police station to see what options are available for missing hikers. They are way past their scheduled return time. It's likely they are out of range and unable to communicate about whatever is holding them up. But at this point, I'd want to do more than just wait.

[bolt.]

 

 

Is there another contact person?  Was it just the mom and her child with your daughter?  Is there a husband in the picture?  Can you call their home number?

Called their home phone number, no answer.

 

It's a biggish group: Mom, Dad, lots of siblings up to young adult age, 2 other school friends, possibly some parents of the other 2 school friends.

 

Honestly, I'd be more worried if I didn't already think that the mom was a bit of a moron in the first place (please don't be a member, please don't be a member) I wouldn't quite trust her for an accurate estimate in the first place. I should have talked directly to the dad and/or YA brother who would be leading the trip.

[Jennifer in MI]

I was thinking about that. I do know where they went, and I could guess the 'probably most plausible' route -- but what if I miss them en-route, and they call, and I'm out driving the highways at that point, a half hour or more away myself? Maybe DH? I don't know if he'd recognize them / the vehicle. I'm not sure I'd recognize the vehicle.

I think I'd have my husband stay home and wait and you go in the car and look.  Do you have a cell phone so you can stay in contact with your husband, if they come home?

 

And, I agree about calling the non-emergency number and asking their advice as to your next move. 

[Annie]

I would be a nervous wreck. Once they were hone safely, I would start getting mad.

 

Hugs, OP. I hope they walk in the door any second.

[Mnemosyne]

If you call the police non-emergency number they could get a hold of rangers in the area, and if necessary, Search and Rescue crews can get called out. TBH, I'd probably call at this point, they're what, almost 4 hours overdue?

 

If you know the parents of the other kids that are attending, could you call them and see if they've heard anything?

[wapiti]

Since it's a big group, maybe the outing went late and they stopped for dinner on the way back... and the mom's phone ringer was off or something.  Here's hoping it's something similarly dumb.  But yeah, the sun is nearly all the way down...

[Murphy101]

Can you call one of the other parents and see if they have heard more info?

[PrincessMommy]

If you call the police non-emergency number they could get a hold of rangers in the area, and if necessary, Search and Rescue crews can get called out. TBH, I'd probably call at this point, they're what, almost 4 hours overdue?

 

If you know the parents of the other kids that are attending, could you call them and see if they've heard anything?

 

I agree.  Four hours late with with no contact  is too long... Start the ball rolling now.

[GSOchristie]

So are they in a cave? Did I read that right, are they exploring caves? It was a pretty large group so unlikely there is foul play, but still the possibility of being lost. At 3.5 hours and no contact I would start to get worried :(. Can you give your cell to dh and take his to go search?

[In The Great White North]

If you call the police non-emergency number they could get a hold of rangers in the area, and if necessary, Search and Rescue crews can get called out. TBH, I'd probably call at this point, they're what, almost 4 hours overdue?

This.

[Cindy in FL.]

Really hope that you can make contact soon and that everything is ok.

[houseofkids&pets]

Would you be able to do what Martha suggested and contact parents of the other kids?

 

Since it is now dark out, I agree that calling the non-emergency police number would be the next step.

[Guest submarines]

If for whatever reason I let my 8 year old go with a largish group, the leader of which I thought was a moron, and they were 3 hours late, I'd be more than a little nervous. 

 

On the other hand the OP thought it was a safe environment for her DD, so all is probably fine. 

[bolt.]

I don't know any of the other parents.

 

It's not dark yet here... but it is 7:00! 3.5 hours late. (Sunset will be at 7:20 tonight, then twilight before full dark.)

[Kathryn]

It's now past 7 where you are. I'd be calling the police non-emergency number and asking their advice.

[Miss Tick]

Call the police. They will understand if it turns out to be fine, but generally in biking, two hours over due I'm a situation like this would be enough. They will know who to talk to.

[saraha]

Another vote for calling the police, but I am just like that.  If there is a problem, then they can help.  If there isn't a problem, I would hope she was embarrassed for causing me to worry.  but like I said, I am just like that.

[Murphy101]

Party of what.. Mom, dad, their 8yr old and maybe an adult sibling, your dd, 2 other school buds, .. I'm at 7 minimum in one vehicle. Correct?

 

And at least 3 adults, none of which can keep track of time or use a cell phone when late...

 

Grrrrrr.

 

There better be one awesome good story for it...

 

I'd call. I'd rather look mama bear nuts to morons than regret not making the call sooner.

[GSOchristie]

I think I would call the police and then head out to look for myself. What does your dh say?

[Miss Tick]

I want to add that in all likelihood they are fine. It's just that being so far over due from a wilderness area, they may need help.

[Mommy22alyns]

I hope you find out something soon!  I'd be having a panic attack right now.

[Murphy101]

I don't know any of the other parents.

 

It's not dark yet here... but it is 7:00! 3.5 hours late. (Sunset will be at 7:20 tonight, then twilight before full dark.)

Do they all attend the same school? Can you access a directory? Google info? Do you know any mutual friends you could call for more info?

 

I'd call now. In 20 minutes a cop can be half way there and have an easier time see anyone stranded off the side of the road or whatever. It's just going to get darker for the next many hours.