do you 'threaten' your kids with school?

[airforcefamily]

I find myself, more and more, reminding our second grader that I don't have time to sit there and say 'ok, now do the next math problem' or 'the spelling word is on the previous page, I'm not going to spell it out for you'. When there is learning happening I'm there, often working one to one, but there aren't enough hours in the day to give one child my undivided attention during worksheet practice type assignments. The other kids do their work and there are younger kids to care for as well. There also isn't time to turn everything into a game or craft project. I want things to be fun but sometimes math worksheets just have to get done.

 

Now that the local schools are in session I find myself saying, in a matter of fact way, that if the work isn't done or I have to spend huge amounts of time arguing about it that I will be taking them to school. I'm not sure 'threat' is the correct word but it's what comes to mind. I say calmly that while I can't force them to do the work I am responsible for their education so, if they make the choice not to do it, I will have no choice but to take them somewhere else to learn. I'm serious about it, if schoolwork is a source daily frustration with one child that child will have to go to school.

 

We're only a few weeks into our school year and I'm getting tired of having to say this. It does seem to get things back on track in the moment but now I'm wondering if it might be a bad idea long term. Am I making school sound like a punishment?

 

FWIW, I really don't want any the kids in school. It would be hugely disruptive to our schedule and the local schools aren't very good.

[Ellie]

Never. There's no point, is there? Because school isn't an option.

 

If you are feeling as if you must "threaten" your ds with going back to school this early in the year, then it's possible that you need to reconsider your methods or your instructional materials.

[swellmomma]

I don't threaten it. I promise it. By law they are to be educated.  If they won't get their education at home they will go to ps.  I hate the school and hope it never comes to that, but I am not willing to let them squander their education based on the thought that homeschooling is better.  If they are doing no work and just arguing all day that is not better imo than even a lousy school.  That said it is 100% normal for a 2nd grader to need that constant reminding etc, especially this fresh into the new year, so keep working on training to do the work without it, but do go into realizing that even if your other kids never needed the extra reminders, it is absolutely normal, and nothing to be threatening school over.

[Ellie]

I'm all ears.  My 8 year old is going to drive me nuts!

 

I just don't know what to do with him.  : /

 

He is the sweetest thing, and smart, but he hates school work.

 

Not all learning looks like "school work." You've probably posted this elsewhere, but humor me: what are you using to teach him with?

[happymomofboys]

A couple of times I have, in all seriousness, told my oldest that I would enroll him in school if his behavior continued to be a distraction to my being able to teach his younger brother.  I never make a threat I'm not 100% willing to follow through on, so he knows I'm serious and so far it hasn't had to come to that.  I wouldn't make such a decision lightly, but both of my children deserve the best education I can provide, and if one of my kids doesn't want to learn, I'm not going to let that prevent me from being able to teach the other.  

[swellmomma]

I'm all ears.  My 8 year old is going to drive me nuts!

 

I just don't know what to do with him.  : /

 

He is the sweetest thing, and smart, but he hates school work.

what the heck, wasn't expecting a name change lol

[PinkyandtheBrains.]

I had a clear discussion with my ds13 on Sunday about expectations and if they are not met then we need to reconsider his going back to public school. I am not sure I threatened it, but he might have understood it that way.  I am unwilling to fight him on school, if he is unwilling to put forth a sincere effort at home then he might as well be at school.

 

I have threatened it with my ds10, when he is unwilling to at least try.  Our reasons for pulling him from ps were different and I'd be more likely to put him back in.

 

When I found myself threatening it I had to revisit why they were both home and if it was still best for them.

[swellmomma]

Never. There's no point, is there? Because school isn't an option.

 

If you are feeling as if you must "threaten" your ds with goign back to school this early in the year, then it's possible that you need to reconsider your methods or your instructional materials.

I think that is over simplifying things and placing it all on her.  Some kids really are just more challenging.  There could be learning issues going on, it could be her method or materials.  Or it could just be a kid who doesn't want to work.  It could be simply a very challenging kid who enjoys arguing about everything.  I could be a truly lazy kid who thinks they should never do anything "hard", "boring" etc.  So yes it is possible that needs to be reconsidered, or maybe she just has to push through and work more with how to do work so the child will get with the program, or maybe what needs to be reconsidered is if hs is really the best option for that child.  It's not always a change of materials or methods (spoken as someone who has tried it all, and learned the kid just doesn't care one way or another)

[Heidi]

First, I would think about your curriculum choices and make sure what you are requiring of your 2nd grade is absolutely necessary, if it is just busy work, or if it can wait until they are older.  I'm not a big fan of lots of academic work at an early age that can just as well be saved for a later grade when they are more mature.  Is there an alternative curriculum or method you can think of that would be more inspiring to him/her that your dc would like to do?

 

If the work is absolutely necessary and there are no other alternative ways to teach that subject, then use a different consequence than sending them back to school.  You're not following through on the threat so they know you're not serious, otherwise they would have been on the bus yesterday.  Say what you mean and mean what you say.

 

There is a certain time of day that my kids have independent work to be completed.  The rules are no talking or playing.  They can sit and stare out the window as long as they want but they cannot be a distraction to anyone else.  They get three marks on the board, then I assign extra handwriting practice.  I also make sure they have sufficient breaks to move around and eat snacks.

[FO4UR]

At that age, some kids just need more reminders to stay on task.

 

Give frequent breaks. Minimize desk work.

 

Find something for your hands to do while you wait and prod. Fold laundry, peel potatoes, knit...

[mrs.m]

Nope. I only use consequences that I can actually deliver. Enrollment in PS isn't an option and I don't want to be tested on that one. I'll threaten to take away the Xbox or TV time and to not let them go do something later in the day. It's more effective because it is a real consequence they can understand and know I will follow through.

 

I keep lessons short for my 8 yo. He's a total squirrel. I have also found setting a timer magically helps him focus and stay on task. One day he realized he could complete his math lesson in twenty minutes rather than 2 hours if he just does the work. He has been pretty focused since then.

[Shellydon]

My kids know that they can complete school at home, or they can be enrolled at the private school we have chosen.  They also know that the private school will require them to be there at 8:00, and stay there for 7.5 hours.  They will also have homework each evening.  It isn't a threat per se, but my kids know that fighting me about school work will end up with them being removed from our homeschool.  Public school is not an option in our home, so that isn't something we discuss.

 

[airforcefamily]

I really am serious about it. School is an option. I'm ok with it being an option. It's not the option any of us would prefer but if work is not done at home that's where they will go. The kids don't want to be in school, they have gone before and found it boring. I think that's why the 'threat' of saying they will be sent back works so well. It's not really an empty threat in the sense that it would never happen. I'm not going to dump them off at an awful school for not being cooperative about school work one day but I do want them to know that it can and will happen if they keep it up.

[bobbeym]

No, because public school simply isn't an option for DS and he knows that.

 

By using school as threat, you're undermining your parental authority by using a disciplinary measure you probably aren't willing to take.  Now, if you really are willing to put your DC in public school, then that's different. If you've set reasonable and reachable standards for what it takes to remain at home and they won't meet them, then school might be a better option.

[Mom22ns]

Yep. School is an option here. Dd and I have had this discussion more than once. She doesn't want to go and I don't want her to, but in order to be homeschooled she MUST work for ME. If she won't give me her best effort, I will send her to someone else.

 

That said, even though it is a viable choice here, I don't make this threat often and take it very seriously when I do (probably once or twice each year :001_rolleyes: )

[msjones]

Yup.  But it's not a threat.  It's just a fact.  If they don't cooperate at home, then they will go to school.  

[sassenach]

Nope.  I feel the same way about threatening divorce.  I don't make threats that I have no desire to ever act out and would never follow through with.

 

If the child needs a consequence, it usually falls under the umbrella of losing privileges or earning chores.  However, neither of those methods get to the heart of the matter.  If a child has a poor attitude towards school, it's my job as the parent to do some digging and figure out what the underlying cause is.

[8filltheheart]

I find myself, more and more, reminding our second grader that I don't have time to sit there and say 'ok, now do the next math problem' or 'the spelling word is on the previous page, I'm not going to spell it out for you'. When there is learning happening I'm there, often working one to one, but there aren't enough hours in the day to give one child my undivided attention during worksheet practice type assignments. The other kids do their work and there are younger kids to care for as well. There also isn't time to turn everything into a game or craft project. I want things to be fun but sometimes math worksheets just have to get done.

 

Now that the local schools are in session I find myself saying, in a matter of fact way, that if the work isn't done or I have to spend huge amounts of time arguing about it that I will be taking them to school. I'm not sure 'threat' is the correct word but it's what comes to mind. I say calmly that while I can't force them to do the work I am responsible for their education so, if they make the choice not to do it, I will have no choice but to take them somewhere else to learn. I'm serious about it, if schoolwork is a source daily frustration with one child that child will have to go to school.

 

We're only a few weeks into our school year and I'm getting tired of having to say this. It does seem to get things back on track in the moment but now I'm wondering if it might be a bad idea long term. Am I making school sound like a punishment?

 

FWIW, I really don't want any the kids in school. It would be hugely disruptive to our schedule and the local schools aren't very good.

 

First, never threaten with a discipline that you aren't actually going to follow through with.   Threatening vs. boundaries isn't good practice regardless.  Making clear guidelines that are expected to be followed with clear consequences allows you to be firm w/o threats.   What are realistic boundaries for a 2nd grader and what are appropriate consequences?

 

Second, every child is different.   Simply b/c other children (older or younger) can sit and focus w/o one on one instruction does not mean that every child can.  I have one child that I had to be physically "present" until 5th grade for her to focus on math.   FWIW, I sit right beside my kids through every subject through all primary grades (k-2).   I have had littles ones that probably didn't need for me to, but I did anyway (and still do.)   I can sit with them and still assist an older child with the odd question or brief instruction and still help keep the younger child focused.

[Χά�ων]

Sounds like a fairly typical 2nd grader. Have you taught her how to do her work independently or discussed ways she can help herself navigate worksheets and workbooks? Not all children intuitively know to look on the previous page for a word or to move on to the next math problem after they are finished with the first.

[JessReplanted]

We have several very serious 'reminder' talks during the year about how home schooling is a  privilege and that if

they choose not to cooperate, then the only other option is public school.

 

And yes, if home schooling becomes absolute misery, then public school will be an option.

[Heidi]

I really am serious about it. School is an option. I'm ok with it being an option. It's not the option any of us would prefer but if work is not done at home that's where they will go. The kids don't want to be in school, they have gone before and found it boring. I think that's why the 'threat' of saying they will be sent back works so well. It's not really an empty threat in the sense that it would never happen. I'm not going to dump them off at an awful school for not being cooperative about school work one day but I do want them to know that it can and will happen if they keep it up.

What is your question then?

[MerryAtHope]

I don't, for 3 reasons:

 

1, I never considered it a viable option here.

2, if it ever became a viable option, I'd have a lot of damage to undo if I made it sound like a punishment (do your work or you have to go to school...)

3, I don't find it particularly motivating (and it doesn't seem like it's really "working" for you either if you keep having to say it but your 2nd grader isn't becoming more independent as a result).

 

Instead, I looked at several things: curriculum--is it a good match? Methods--does this method work for my child, why or why not? Age--is the child old enough and mature enough to do things in the way I'm suggesting? Any learning disabilities or struggles at play here etc...

 

And if all of those are truly fine, then I treated just like I did with chores. I'd never argue about doing a chore with a child--I'd just expect it done. But that would be after extensive training--showing the child, doing it with him, having him talk through the steps, having him show me the steps, filling in any gaps, and finally the child has shown me that he can do it on his own (part 1) and that he can do it regularly (part 2).

 

If any of those is missing with a chore, the child probably hasn't been trained enough to do it properly. It would be like going to a new job, being shown everything on the first day and then expected to remember it all. Job training can take days, weeks, or months. Child training does too (actually, years!).

 

The same is true with school. There may be 2nd graders who would be ready and able to work independently and who would look up spelling words on previous pages etc...  I didn't happen to have those 2nd graders, so those expectations wouldn't work here. But instead of spelling the word for your child, you can ask a question that helps to train him or her--"where can you look for that word?" and if he doesn't know, show him the word on the previous page. Or, say, "that word is on x page, see if you can find it." Then praise when he or she finds it. In this way you are rewarding your child's steps towards independence.

 

A consequence really won't train and teach a child to know what to do and how to work independently.

 

If you have walked through all the training steps and your child has demonstrated that he or she can do that and do it regularly (not just the occasional fluke), then you could try giving 2 "ask mom" notes. Tell your child that outside of your regular 1 on 1 time, they have just 2 (or however many you feel is reasonable) "ask mom" notes, and to use them wisely. (Obviously don't use this strategy for a child who is going to have lots of legitimate questions come up--only use it if the questions asked are ones they could find if they looked, and if they have demonstrated consistently that they know how to look for them--again, not something my 2nd graders demonstrated, but something I needed to walk them towards).

 

HTH some!

 

Merry  :-)

[twoxcell]

No because in our family PS is not an option. I do threaten and administer loss of privileges though. i.e. video games, TV.

[Ellie]

I think that is over simplifying things and placing it all on her.  Some kids really are just more challenging.  There could be learning issues going on, it could be her method or materials.  Or it could just be a kid who doesn't want to work.  It could be simply a very challenging kid who enjoys arguing about everything.  I could be a truly lazy kid who thinks they should never do anything "hard", "boring" etc.  So yes it is possible that needs to be reconsidered, or maybe she just has to push through and work more with how to do work so the child will get with the program, or maybe what needs to be reconsidered is if hs is really the best option for that child.  It's not always a change of materials or methods (spoken as someone who has tried it all, and learned the kid just doesn't care one way or another)

 

We don't really know, do we, because the OP doesn't have her instructional materials or anything listed. Which is why I asked.

 

That a child "doesn't want to work" would not, IMHO, be a reason to threaten him with going to school. And if the child doesn't care one way or the other, then why should he be sent to school? Home would still be a better option than most schools.

[mrs.m]

I really am serious about it. School is an option. I'm ok with it being an option. It's not the option any of us would prefer but if work is not done at home that's where they will go. The kids don't want to be in school, they have gone before and found it boring. I think that's why the 'threat' of saying they will be sent back works so well. It's not really an empty threat in the sense that it would never happen. I'm not going to dump them off at an awful school for not being cooperative about school work one day but I do want them to know that it can and will happen if they keep it up.

 

Has the threat brought about any real motivational change? If not, then your child might need something more direct and immediate.

 

It is an empty threat and it loses its power as they grow since they know you aren't going to put them on the bus tomorrow.  

 

I do think it is ok to have a family discussion about how homeschooling is a privilege and they can be sent back if it isn't going well. But not in terms of using it as a motivator for small tasks. 

 

It's just my opinion. You can parent how you see fit especially if it does motivate your children. I don't believe that it will do anything to get my children to move to the next math problem. Training and encouragement goes a long way in this house, though!  

[G5052]

Never, and we've been at it for 13 years.  Public school has never been an option, and private school is not affordable.  And I can't see such a threat being a good motivator for the vast majority of children of any age.

 

Young children are tough to homeschool, period.  I sat with mine at the table 90% of the time until they were in about 4th grade when I could see that they would stay on task reliably for short stretches. They just couldn't be trusted to work independently before then.  I had them scheduled so that table time was at a time of day when I could focus on them.

 

And you have to figure out what motivator works for each kid.  For one the threat of having DH leave work and come home to "deal" was a big motivator, especially after I pulled that card several times.  We also used money at one point.  They got a certain amount of money at the beginning of the day (I think it was 50 cents in nickels), and if they complained or dawdled, they had to give up a nickel.  As they got older, we said no computer time until the schoolwork was done and checked by mom.

 

Change the game until you figure out what works.

 

 

[Mandy in TN]

One year in jr high I loaded my middle ds up in the car and called the ps on the way there. He didn't want to do any work for me and I would have enrolled him in a heartbeat. After touring the school, I felt very comfortable about leaving him there. After touring the school, he never wanted to set foot in it again. :p He was much more willing to work for me after that.

 

Last fall I took my youngest to tour the local public elementary school. After being there for 5 minutes, I knew it would not be a good fit. So, I certainly don't threaten with it. I don't even mention it.

 

But, we all have those days where we are at the end of our rope.

I agree with all that others have said about looking at materials, approach, and expectations. If all of those are fine, work on habit training. If bad habits are the root of the problem, with a second grader I would cut school down to basics and work on habit training.

 

HTH-

Mandy

[mommymilkies]

I'm not proud of it and I don't plan to, but yes I have in moments where I was seeing red and ready to literally walk them, if need be, to the nearest school and beg the powers that be to please take them for the day, please.  Only a few times, but I have so been there.

I'm all ears.  My 8 year old is going to drive me nuts!

 

I just don't know what to do with him.  : /

 

He is the sweetest thing, and smart, but he hates school work.

Sounds like my 8 yo. We are working on a diagnosis for her, but every.single.thing. is a huge challenge. 

 

I wouldn't use school as a threat on purpose, though, if I was not willing to carry through.  What if you end up needing to send them for real?  You don't want to set up this expectation of horror and failure, kwim? 

[Hwin]

I never threaten it, but I do point out that he would have to do a so much more sitting still if he were in school. This is always in response to his complaints about having to sit and work for 15 or 20 minutes. I also point out that he would have a much different morning routine (big homemade breakfast eaten while watching cartoons in his PJs).

 

Our situation is different because PS is not on the table. 

 

Also, you will still have to deal with homework if you send them to PS and you won't have school as a consequence if they don't do it. I'd handle bad schoolwork related behavior as you do other bad behavior. 

 

[Berta]

For those where PS is not an option, then no, don't threaten something that isn't going to happen. For those of us where PS would be an option, then ok.

 

I just said it to my daughter this morning. She is still in "summer mode" and wants to be lazy. It has nothing to do with my curriculum choices, she actually loves doing her school work. She went to PS last year for 2nd grade because I had to work. So she knows what school is all about and although she liked going to school, she LOVES being home more. So when she hemmed and hawed about starting school work I told her that she is going to do school work .... either here or in PS. She said NOOOOOOOO, and then got to work. It's not a daily thing I hold over her head, but I will pull the going-back-to-school card if she pushes me hard enough.

 

If she was fighting me and being disruptive to the point where school work wasn't getting done, I would send her back to PS. I firmly believe that homeschooling is best for our family, I quit my job so I can homeschool again. But if it were a daily battle, then sending her back to PS would definitely be an option.

[swellmomma]

We don't really know, do we, because the OP doesn't have her instructional materials or anything listed. Which is why I asked.

 

That a child "doesn't want to work" would not, IMHO, be a reason to threaten him with going to school. And if the child doesn't care one way or the other, then why should he be sent to school? Home would still be a better option than most schools.

If a child is that obstinant sometimes sending them to school even if they continue to never do any work is the only way to ensure the rest of the kids still get an education, that a relationship between parent and child is preserved.  Home is not always the best option.  WHich is why I answered that I absolutely would "threaten" to send my kids, and then follow through even if it is a bad school

[airforcefamily]

My question is about if using school as a threat will make the idea of school bad to the kids? At some point they my have to go to school. They certainly will take school style outside classes at some point. We would really like them to go to college.

 

We use a big mix of things. Some parent intensive and interactive like AAS, some more hands off like teaching textbooks on the computer, some in between like handwriting workbooks.

 

Here's the thing: I really, really don't have time to sit there and offer encouragement or motivation to write each word. It's also not fair to the other kids who generally do their independent work without complaint. Reminders that being sent to school is a real option I have which can and will happen if the work isn't done works. The work is done after the reminder. I'm just not sure it's a good idea to keep bringing up school as a potential punishment.

[theYoungerMrsWarde]

I make a point of never threatening the kids with something I'm not willing to follow through with.

[DarlaS]

I have told them that since they do not go to school, we MUST do our schoolwork. Procrastinating or refusing cannot be an option.

 

I then describe what school was like and how much better they have it.

 

Not often to the point of actually threatening to put anyone on a bus though. I'm pretty sure they all know that would be highly unlikely. I don't discount it as an option, but if they go, it wouldn't be because of their behavior.

[Ellie]

If a child is that obstinant sometimes sending them to school even if they continue to never do any work is the only way to ensure the rest of the kids still get an education, that a relationship between parent and child is preserved.  Home is not always the best option.  WHich is why I answered that I absolutely would "threaten" to send my kids, and then follow through even if it is a bad school

 

I would not threaten my children with sending them to school. *IF* I decided that it was better to send them to a bad school than to keep them at home--which I cannot imagine myself doing, but I suppose it could happen--I would make that decision and send them away, without the threats. We would talk about how I thought this might be a good experience for them, and we'll try it for awhile and see how it goes. 

 

And if one of my children were that "obstinate," I'd be trying to figure out what I could do at home to improve things. Of course, to me, home is not where we do school; home is where I help my children learn as much as they are able to learn so they can take care of themselves when they become adults. It is possible that I might decide that the local public school would be the best way for that to happen, especially if my dc had special needs that I could not address at home. But it would not be a threat, and it would not be just because they were "obstinate" about doing schoolwork.

 

[sunshine clementine]

Nope.  I feel the same way about threatening divorce.  I don't make threats that I have no desire to ever act out and would never follow through with.

 

If the child needs a consequence, it usually falls under the umbrella of losing privileges or earning chores.  However, neither of those methods get to the heart of the matter.  If a child has a poor attitude towards school, it's my job as the parent to do some digging and figure out what the underlying cause is.

This.  Especially the comparison about divorce.  I'm not going to do it..so I don't even go there.  Someone on here, talked about thinking about homeschooling like an actual job. If I do that, that means I will find a solution to the problem..whether it's methods, materials, discipline or whatever..So in my opinion, (gently) don't waste your days threatening..either do it or find a solution for your homeschool.  Good luck!  :grouphug:

[Tabrett]

No, I never threaten them with PS school for two reasons.

 

1. They would want to go.

2. I would end up sitting with them after school doing worksheets they didn't do in school. Been there done that.

 

I have to sit beside my 1st and 3rd grader for almost everything. My 4th grader is finally starting to gain SOME independence, but not fully.

 

As irritating as it might be, your dc's behavior is normal.

[sillymommy]

Yes, I have threatened, and yes, I followed through. I sent my then 2nd grader to school in Jan & had her finish out the year there. Her behavior was disruptive, I was unable to manage appropriate ways to discipline her & the negative emotions were high throughout the family.

 

The experience was good for her. She now understands what "school" means(this was her first school experience). She understands routine, expectations & I think she has a better appreciation for the freedom homeschooling provides. She's homeschooling now and though we have only one full week under our belts, it's MUCH better than last year!

[Arcadia]

For us the threat would be useless as my older does enjoy going to school and the schools here are above decent.

[MamaSprout]

We just had this conversation today. But is was more nuanced. DD8 was an early starter (our main reason for homeschooling initially), and since she decided to play connect the dots on last spring's standardized tests, she would have to repeat a year if I put her in school (we had her privately evaluated when she started to okay the early start, but that test is too old for what the PS would consider a grade skip). In short, she thinks the main idea of school is, well, learning. You know, interesting people, like our librarians, who spend enormous amounts of time having conversations with with her about things she likes.

 

I showed her last year's score, updated her on reality and found she's very motivated to have "options" next year. Would I send her to school? Maybe. Do I reminder she needs to suck it up? You bet.

 

I do remember 2nd grade being really, really hard, and not at all independent. Hang in there.

[abba12]

For my mum, school was an option, and so she did tell my sister she would have to go to school if she didn't shape up. Almost sent her once. But knowing that was the consequence did help motivate my sister. It also involved her in the decision making process, to a point. She understood the actions had consequences.  Mum needed to have time for the other students. I don't think it was a threat so much as explaining the facts, that's what was going to happen.

 

For my family, school is completely off the table, so I would not 'threaten' it because it wouldn't be communicating the facts, it would indeed be a threat and that's wrong.

 

As for whether or not it damages their view of school, it depends how you talk about it. Do you tell them how horrid it is and how much better off they are at home? Or do you just explain that we only have two options, and this one requires their cooperation. If they won't cooperate, there is no choice and they will have to go. If it is simply a statement of how it is, I don't think it damages anything. 

[sewingmama]

No I don't because my kids want to go to public school...

 

If school is not an option then why threaten with it....the kids are smart ....they know when something is an empty threat.

 

Some kids need more support then others. I can send my 5yo off on his own with a math sheet and he comes back with it fully completed in 10 minutes. My 7 yo needs me to sit next to her for math and encourage and tell her to move on or that she missed something otherwise she just sits and stares at the page or puts her head on the desk and does nothing. She gets overwhelmed at the sight of a page of math problems because she doesn't have math confidence.

 

I think it is still reasonable to have to guide a second grader.

[Ms. Understood]

Wow. Believe it or not, I came here this afternoon hoping to search for and find a discussion on this very topic! Found this thread on the very top of the first page. My Dh and I are at our wit's end with our 9 yr old. He has ALWAYS dawdled around when it comes time to do his written schoolwork. Last year was the worst. No punishment worked, no amount of lost privileges worked. In fact, it got so bad that he spent most weekdays last school year completely missing out on ipod time, tv time, etc., and sitting in his room after the schoolwork was finally done, because he had lost all privileges, including getting to play & have free time with the family after dinner and before bed...his choice. He understands what is required of him and what the consequences of not getting his work done will be. He hates the consequences, but he absolutely WILL NOT sit down and get his work done in a timely manner.

I've considered all the commonly suggested factors that may be the issue, and no, he's not given too much work. He's highly intelligent and understands it all; that's not the problem. He'll work example problems for/with me during lesson time, and does very well. LOVES doing history and science lessons and notebooking, as well as reading, but HATES the sit-down independent work that math, language, and handwriting require. He will sit down at his desk and stare out the window. He'll doodle elaborate drawings on his worksheet (which he's punished for, because while I love his artistic side, there is a time & place for it, and when he's NOT getting his math worksheet done, that becomes the wrong time & place). He'll make multiple bathroom trips. 

So this year I've tried something new, which is giving him frequent breaks to go outside and do whatever. For example, he starts the day by going for a quick run outside after breakfast- to get out pent up energy. Then, after our lesson time at the table (usually an hour or so), he gets to go outside for 15 minutes (or do whatever he wants to do inside). Then he must get to work on his math worksheet, which is something he has no problem getting done in less than an hour whenever he just sits down and does it. If he gets it completed before lunch time (which gives him an hour or sometimes more to get it done), he may have 30 minutes of outside/free time before he sits down to finish the rest of his written work for the day. 

We're two weeks into the new school year, and despite these new incentives and break times, he STILL is not doing his work on time. He says he wants to do his work well and on time, but that he can't stop himself from being distracted. And we've tried removing distractions, but he, to his own admission, will become distracted by his own pencil, even if everything else is removed from the work area/room! It's true! His elaborate doodling- to the point of defiance- is proof of that. Yes, I know he's artistic. I love that about him- he is really a brilliant child. But he HAS to do his written work, his math & language practice, etc., and he HAS to learn to get necessary work done, even if it's not enjoyable. But none of us, not even him, can figure out how to make that happen. It's breaking me, depressing me, and driving me, as I mentioned before, to my wit's end. 

We have threatened school, and he doesn't want to go, but I know if I have to follow through on it and put him in school, that he'll come home and do the same things with his homework. So putting him in school wouldn't solve the problem (would probably make it worse). 

I wish there were some answers or more threads on this! I've done much searching online and only come up with a few hits- most of which say the same things that haven't worked for us: discipline, punish/don't punish, curriculum change, break up the time with freetime breaks, etc. Done it all, and none of it works. 

 

[lllll]

..

[Shellydon]

Sounds like you need to consider an ADHD evaluation with your doctor.

 

Wow. Believe it or not, I came here this afternoon hoping to search for and find a discussion on this very topic! Found this thread on the very top of the first page. My Dh and I are at our wit's end with our 9 yr old. He has ALWAYS dawdled around when it comes time to do his written schoolwork. Last year was the worst. No punishment worked, no amount of lost privileges worked. In fact, it got so bad that he spent most weekdays last school year completely missing out on ipod time, tv time, etc., and sitting in his room after the schoolwork was finally done, because he had lost all privileges, including getting to play & have free time with the family after dinner and before bed...his choice. He understands what is required of him and what the consequences of not getting his work done will be. He hates the consequences, but he absolutely WILL NOT sit down and get his work done in a timely manner.

I've considered all the commonly suggested factors that may be the issue, and no, he's not given too much work. He's highly intelligent and understands it all; that's not the problem. He'll work example problems for/with me during lesson time, and does very well. LOVES doing history and science lessons and notebooking, as well as reading, but HATES the sit-down independent work that math, language, and handwriting require. He will sit down at his desk and stare out the window. He'll doodle elaborate drawings on his worksheet (which he's punished for, because while I love his artistic side, there is a time & place for it, and when he's NOT getting his math worksheet done, that becomes the wrong time & place). He'll make multiple bathroom trips. 

So this year I've tried something new, which is giving him frequent breaks to go outside and do whatever. For example, he starts the day by going for a quick run outside after breakfast- to get out pent up energy. Then, after our lesson time at the table (usually an hour or so), he gets to go outside for 15 minutes (or do whatever he wants to do inside). Then he must get to work on his math worksheet, which is something he has no problem getting done in less than an hour whenever he just sits down and does it. If he gets it completed before lunch time (which gives him an hour or sometimes more to get it done), he may have 30 minutes of outside/free time before he sits down to finish the rest of his written work for the day. 

We're two weeks into the new school year, and despite these new incentives and break times, he STILL is not doing his work on time. He says he wants to do his work well and on time, but that he can't stop himself from being distracted. And we've tried removing distractions, but he, to his own admission, will become distracted by his own pencil, even if everything else is removed from the work area/room! It's true! His elaborate doodling- to the point of defiance- is proof of that. Yes, I know he's artistic. I love that about him- he is really a brilliant child. But he HAS to do his written work, his math & language practice, etc., and he HAS to learn to get necessary work done, even if it's not enjoyable. But none of us, not even him, can figure out how to make that happen. It's breaking me, depressing me, and driving me, as I mentioned before, to my wit's end. 

We have threatened school, and he doesn't want to go, but I know if I have to follow through on it and put him in school, that he'll come home and do the same things with his homework. So putting him in school wouldn't solve the problem (would probably make it worse). 

I wish there were some answers or more threads on this! I've done much searching online and only come up with a few hits- most of which say the same things that haven't worked for us: discipline, punish/don't punish, curriculum change, break up the time with freetime breaks, etc. Done it all, and none of it works. 

 

 

[Soror]

I haven't threatened it as I haven't felt the need and like others I don't like to make threats I won't do.

 

I do expect however that I will be right there, at elbow at least for ds, 3rd/4th, work. Nearly all of his skill work is done directly with me. He does do facts practice without my direct involvement but I'm still right there. He does do some history and science reading on his own in the same room. DD, 1st, does everything directly with me. She doesn't have independent work. Generally if it is something she could do on her own I would consider it busy work.

 

I have a 3.5 yo and baby as well. I juggle them the best I can while schooling. DD3 likes to color or work in some little workbooks, she plays w/ dd6 a lot though as dd6's work only takes around 1-1.5 hrs.

[Arcadia]

 but HATES the sit-down independent work that math, language, and handwriting require. He will sit down at his desk and stare out the window. He'll doodle elaborate drawings on his worksheet (which he's punished for, because while I love his artistic side, there is a time & place for it, and when he's NOT getting his math worksheet done, that becomes the wrong time & place).

I'll skip handwriting.  Have you watch the ViHart math doodling videos?  Your son might see the humor in those.

I'll also do more math orally so that it gets done and both of you are less upset over it.

[airforcefamily]

As for whether or not it damages their view of school, it depends how you talk about it. Do you tell them how horrid it is and how much better off they are at home? Or do you just explain that we only have two options, and this one requires their cooperation. If they won't cooperate, there is no choice and they will have to go. If it is simply a statement of how it is, I don't think it damages anything.

They've been to school and know what it's all about. Sometimes they ask questions and I answer truthfully. I try to be matter of fact about it - no, you would not have to learn latin in school or yes, you would get to go out on the playground at recess most every day. I also occasionally help the conversation along so they're talking among themselves about how they wouldn't get to pick what kind of of art project to do or how they would have to sit and listen to things they already know if they were in school. I think it's reasonably balanced.

[Mandy in TN]

airforcefamily and Ms. Understood, when I had a child in a traditional classroom, I expected that teacher to remain in the room with her students. I expected her to walk around the classroom and keep the students on task. I expected her to say things like like "focus" and "keep working." I didn't expect her to ever, ever leave the class and do her own thing for awhile.

 

These boys need oversight. If not within arms reach, they at least need to be within eyesight. Sure, some kids can do their math work in another room and be fine, but it is not abnormal if they can't. I have children that I tutor who need me to pen pace every problem. (As soon as the start on problem 5, I move my pen point to problem 6. If they stop, pause, dawdle, I tap my pen.) I have also tutored kids who spend as much time dropping their pencils and refusing to make eye contact as they spend actually doing any work. Even with this sort of behavior I can get them through 50 basic addition problems in under an hour.

 

However, if it were my child in my home, I may would decide to do the work orally that day and toss a bean bag back and forth while we work. I may would have him sit next to me and dictate the answers. I may decide that instead of the scheduled lesson we would do drill work. I may would determine that the lesson needed further explanation and that I would expand on the teaching portion and have him do the lesson set the next day. I may decide that he is bored stiff because he obviously knows the material, so we skip the lesson and move on. Even if a child is totally capable of and often did do his lesson alone and quickly, if that child were having a dawdling kind of day, I would want him in eyesight so that I could say those sorts of things that I expect teachers to say or to tap on his paper or shoulder to move him along.

 

If you have tried having a child work alone and nothing is getting done, before suspecting that the child has ADD, I would suspect that the child needs a teacher who is present. In addition to a teacher, in a classroom a child has other students working on the same material, so there is also peer pacing where children almost subconsciously gauge how quickly they need to work by watching the other kids. A homeschooled child does not have peers to pace him, so he must be trained to pace himself. I am not saying that you necessarily need to be right beside him at every moment, (All kids are different and some work very well alone.) but it is certainly not unusual for a child to need to be in eyesight so that you, his teacher, can encourage him along.

 

<snort> If left alone at 7,8,9yo, I can't imagine any of my boys finishing much of anything other than spit balls or paper airplanes. Heck, at that age, two of my three wouldn't have stayed in a chair if I was out of eyesight. But, the older two both did fine in dual enrollment classes in high school. They do grow up. ;)

Mandy

[airforcefamily]

airforcefamily and Ms. Understood, when I had a child in a traditional classroom, I expected that teacher to remain in the room with her students. I expected her to walk around the classroom and keep the students on task. I expected her to say things like like "focus" and "keep working." I didn't expect her to ever, ever leave the class and do her own thing for awhile.

 

Mandy

I would also expect a teacher in a traditional school to always stay in the room, keeping kids on task, and not leave to 'do her own thing'. During school hours being a teacher is her only job. Homeschooling is not, generally speaking, school in a house. There are other children, including little ones to care for who need to be educated themselves or, at the least, can't spend hours a day watching TV unsupervised while I tap my pen at each problem for their sibling. Meals must be made. Laundry must be done. Spills must be cleaned up. Dishes must be washed. It would be wonderful to have someone tend to all these tasks so I can be focused on keeping one f the kids focused but that's not my reality right now.