Vent: Talking to people who don't "get" homeschooling

[Mommy22alyns]

It is exhausting to talk to people who don't "get" homeschooling! My IRL conversations are either with other gym parents or fellow homeschoolers. I talked to my aunt today and she's asking me all these questions:

"They have this thing on the computer where they can do school."
"I know, I don't like it."
"I thought it might save you some time..."
"No, it actually takes MORE time, and it's too much like public schools..."
"Well I thought you might want them to be more independent."
"They are independent for some things, but I don't WANT them completely independent!"

"So do you have kids come over and spend the night, or do they see kids at Grandma's house?"
REALLY????????
"No, Aunt Kathy, they have choir, and dance, and AHG, and gymnastics, and they play at playgrounds...."

"Have you taken them to a fair before?"
Sigh.
"Yes, we've been to quite a few."
"Ours has a barn where they can see the animals. Have they ever seen the animals?"
Oh for Pete's sake.
"YES, they've seen animals before!!"

I mean seriously. DO THEY SEE KIDS AT GRANDMA'S???

MY POOR GIRLS!!!

[mommaduck]

#1 some of her questions sound like normal questions regardless if your kids homeschool or not. She's taking an interest in what they have or haven't done and trying to share ideas for extra activities.

 

#2 for some people, they have questions or know very little about homeschooling and the cyber school advertisements are a good opening ground for discussion and learning about homeschooling overall (such as you explaining the differences and similarities).

 

3# if she becomes too nosey or tiring, simply tell her that that's a great idea, you'll look into it, and how is her child, husband, or dog doing and how is work going (pass the bean dip).

 

;)

[Dmmetler]

(((hugs))))

 

I just spent a week with my parents. LOTS of comments-mostly relating to the fact that DD didn't see a lot of purpose in trying to make friends with the various kids my mom kept pushing at her. When she saw a little girl who she actually SEES a couple of times a year (usually once when we're visiting in VA, and once when they drive through to visit their grandparents-the mom was one of my best friends growing up, and the girls were born on the same day), she had no trouble running and playing. It was just random strangers to her that were less interesting than playing by herself or talking to adults.

 

Of course, the fact that DD doesn't just want to run off and play with the first kid she sees is a sign that she's unsocialized because she's homeschooled and doesn't spend enough time with other kids. My parents are all in favor of homeschooling for academic reasons, but you'd have been hard pressed to believe that last week when it seemed like every other word out of their mouth was about DD's social skills (the fact that the kid had been away from home nine days before we GOT to my parent's house, and had spent a week with three cousins hiking through the Great Smoky Mountains and, at that point, really just wanted to curl up with a notebook, a box of colored pencils, a few good books, and her iPod was irrelevant)

 

 

Sigh....

[Amber in SJ]

We went to the doughnut place every week after library day.  One day the Indian woman behind the counter asked the kids why they were not in school.  When she heard the word "homeschool" she covered her ears, threw her head back and made a sound like:

 

"IIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEE"

 

And then she said,

 

"NO!  NO!  NOOOOOO!  NO Homeschool!  You need go real school so momma get real job!"

 

I said,  "One jelly filled, one chocolate glazed and six doughnut holes, please."

 

The one (and only) time we visited our new pediatrician she asked my children to make a list of places they go every week where they see other kids, and she wanted them to make a list of adults they see on a regular basis that they could go to, "If mom and dad were keeping them away from other children."  It was weird.

 

I think some people just can't grasp homeschool.

 

Amber in SJ

[mommaduck]

The one (and only) time we visited our new pediatrician she asked my children to make a list of places they go every week where they see other kids, and she wanted them to make a list of adults they see on a regular basis that they could go to, "If mom and dad were keeping them away from other children."  It was weird.

 

Good grief!

[Mommy22alyns]

We went to the doughnut place every week after library day.  One day the Indian woman behind the counter asked the kids why they were not in school.  When she heard the word "homeschool" she covered her ears, threw her head back and made a sound like:

 

"IIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEE"

 

And then she said,

 

"NO!  NO!  NOOOOOO!  NO Homeschool!  You need go real school so momma get real job!"

 

I said,  "One jelly filled, one chocolate glazed and six doughnut holes, please."

 

The one (and only) time we visited our new pediatrician she asked my children to make a list of places they go every week where they see other kids, and she wanted them to make a list of adults they see on a regular basis that they could go to, "If mom and dad were keeping them away from other children."  It was weird.

 

I think some people just can't grasp homeschool.

 

Amber in SJ

 

Whoa!

 

Our ped was great about our homeschooling and the only questions asked were by the nurse, who was thinking of hs'ing her first grader!

[Truscifi]

 

The one (and only) time we visited our new pediatrician she asked my children to make a list of places they go every week where they see other kids, and she wanted them to make a list of adults they see on a regular basis that they could go to, "If mom and dad were keeping them away from other children."  It was weird.

 

I think some people just can't grasp homeschool.

 

Amber in SJ

 

Time for a different doctor.  :glare:

[kitten18]

We went to the doughnut place every week after library day.  One day the Indian woman behind the counter asked the kids why they were not in school.  When she heard the word "homeschool" she covered her ears, threw her head back and made a sound like:

 

"IIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEE"

 

And then she said,

 

"NO!  NO!  NOOOOOO!  NO Homeschool!  You need go real school so momma get real job!"

 

I said,  "One jelly filled, one chocolate glazed and six doughnut holes, please."

 

The one (and only) time we visited our new pediatrician she asked my children to make a list of places they go every week where they see other kids, and she wanted them to make a list of adults they see on a regular basis that they could go to, "If mom and dad were keeping them away from other children."  It was weird.

 

I think some people just can't grasp homeschool.

 

Amber in SJ

You are like a magnet for the crazy comments. :huh: :lol:

[AimeeM]

The one (and only) time we visited our new pediatrician she asked my children to make a list of places they go every week where they see other kids, and she wanted them to make a list of adults they see on a regular basis that they could go to, "If mom and dad were keeping them away from other children."  It was weird.

 

I think some people just can't grasp homeschool.

 

Amber in SJ

Holy Snicker Doodles! That's insane!

[ElizabethB]

:grouphug:

 

My doctors are always positive about homeschooling! Of course, military doctors see many patients who homeschool, last stats I saw showed that military members homeschool at twice the rate of the civilian population. The first time they found out my son was homeschooling, they were super excited, actually; he has a medical condition that generally has less complications when you homeschool.

[musicianmom]

(((hugs))))

 

I just spent a week with my parents. LOTS of comments-mostly relating to the fact that DD didn't see a lot of purpose in trying to make friends with the various kids my mom kept pushing at her. When she saw a little girl who she actually SEES a couple of times a year (usually once when we're visiting in VA, and once when they drive through to visit their grandparents-the mom was one of my best friends growing up, and the girls were born on the same day), she had no trouble running and playing. It was just random strangers to her that were less interesting than playing by herself or talking to adults.

 

Of course, the fact that DD doesn't just want to run off and play with the first kid she sees is a sign that she's unsocialized because she's homeschooled and doesn't spend enough time with other kids. My parents are all in favor of homeschooling for academic reasons, but you'd have been hard pressed to believe that last week when it seemed like every other word out of their mouth was about DD's social skills (the fact that the kid had been away from home nine days before we GOT to my parent's house, and had spent a week with three cousins hiking through the Great Smoky Mountains and, at that point, really just wanted to curl up with a notebook, a box of colored pencils, a few good books, and her iPod was irrelevant)

 

 

Sigh....

We just returned from visiting my in-laws, and I noticed how mil kept pointing out other kids to my dc, obviously hoping that my dc would try to strike up an impromptu friendship. That seems a little weird to me. I would be more likely to discourage such a thing, because once dd8 makes friends with someone, she gets attached and doesn't forget them EVER. She has not accepted that sometimes people appear in our lives briefly and we may not ever encounter them again.

[DawnM]

Our pediatrician's kids are in our co-op!   :laugh:

 

 

Whoa!

 

Our ped was great about our homeschooling and the only questions asked were by the nurse, who was thinking of hs'ing her first grader!

 

[SKL]

Hmm, I've had one therapist try to talk me into homeschooling (even though I'm a single working mom), and our chiropractor homeschooled her kids until they wanted to go back to school.  Homeschooling never came up with the mainstream medical folks, though.  They do always ask about school this and school that.

[Happy]

I've recently encountered the opposite problem...as in *I* don't get why one of my clients can't just homeschool for a year or two since she finds fault with every school where they can afford a rental home. She is so stuck on public school...  :lol:

 

The hardest part is just biting my tongue.

[trulycrabby]

We went to the doughnut place every week after library day.  One day the Indian woman behind the counter asked the kids why they were not in school.  When she heard the word "homeschool" she covered her ears, threw her head back and made a sound like:

 

"IIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEE"

 

And then she said,

 

"NO!  NO!  NOOOOOO!  NO Homeschool!  You need go real school so momma get real job!"

 

I said,  "One jelly filled, one chocolate glazed and six doughnut holes, please."

 

The one (and only) time we visited our new pediatrician she asked my children to make a list of places they go every week where they see other kids, and she wanted them to make a list of adults they see on a regular basis that they could go to, "If mom and dad were keeping them away from other children."  It was weird.

 

I think some people just can't grasp homeschool.

 

Amber in SJ

 

Their behavior is absurd! I can forgive the Indian wonan because of the cultural difference, but the pediatrician was unforgivable!!!!

[trulycrabby]

Oops, dp. Sorry!

[briansmama]

I agree, it's torture. The older I get and longer I've been homeschooling the less tolerance I have for people who ask me really dumb questions about homeschooling. I'm at the point now where I just recommend some books for them to read or I very clearly state that we know what is best for our children and will continue to do that, thank you very much.

[trulycrabby]

DS9's pediatrician got kind of pruny-faced when she learned he was being homeschooled, but she did say he would likely stay healthier over the school year, I guess because we keep him in total isolation from other human beings, lol...

[briansmama]

I've recently encountered the opposite problem...as in *I* don't get why one of my clients can't just homeschool for a year or two since she finds fault with every school where they can afford a rental home. She is so stuck on public school... :lol:

 

The hardest part is just biting my tongue.

Haha! I've been there too.

[briansmama]

DS9's pediatrician got kind of pruny-faced when she learned he was being homeschooled, but she did say he would likely stay healthier over the school year, I guess because we keep him in total isolation from othervhuman beings...

Thank you! This made me laugh out loud.

[RoundAbout]

My husband thought he was in for this kind of thing today. While at the library with DS turning in his summer reading form, the librarian asked which school DS went to.

 

DH: "We homeschool"

 

Librarian: "That's great, I homeschooled all 3 of my kids!"

 

After a few minutes chatting with DH and DS about the books he read this summer and homeschooling, a random woman overhears the conversation and interrupts: "Excuse me, but I'm a public school teacher. Can I offer you a piece of advice?"

 

DH is thinking, uh..oh here it comes... she's going to say something negative.

 

Instead she smiles: "Whatever you do, please don't stop homeschooling!" :)

[Cricket]

"Have they ever seen the animals?"

 

That's going to keep me chuckling for awhile! 'Cause, you know, if they were in public school they'd being seeing a lot of animals. ??? Lol

[SKL]

Well to be fair, I never went to a county fair and saw the animals until I was 13.  That's when we moved to a rural town that happened to be the "county seat," and could walk to the fairgrounds.

 

We did have the occasional opportunity to see farm animals, but I think it's a fair question (no pun intended).

[musicianmom]

Conversations like this remind me that I'm lucky to live in a town where homeschooling is so common that it's pretty much accepted as normal.

[blondeviolin]

When my oldest was K-aged we were at the library when I ran into a lady who asked why my 5yo wasn't in school. When she found out we homeschool she said, "You do use books, right?" Huh?!

 

I so badly wanted to say, "No, we're at the library for the public restroom."

[Violet Crown]

We were buying some food from one of the trendy food trucks in town, this particular one owned by a nice Russian immigrant couple. The man asked me why Middle Girl wasn't in school, and I said she didn't go to school. He looked shocked and said "What?! How old?" When I told him she was nine, he was more confused, and I explained that I taught her at home. He suddenly had a look of clarity, and said his mother took him out of school in Russia and taught him, too. From his age, I'd guess that to have been the mid to late Nineties. I'd had no idea that was being done in Russia. If his English (or I suppose my Russian) had been better, I'd have loved to have learned more about his education.

[Catwoman]

Am I the only one who almost never gets weird comments about homeschooling? :confused:

[SorrelZG]

Whatever the motive behind the questions, they were awesomely funny in the moment and made me spit on my iPad.

[Belacqua]

Am I the only one who almost never gets weird comments about homeschooling? :confused:

 

I haven't heard them much, either. Maybe I have IMRF (Ignore Me Resting Face)?

[DawnM]

My father grew up in China.  He is now 78 years old.  There was a missionary teacher who taught a small one room schoolhouse type school where my father attended.

 

However, every 4 years she went back to the States on furlough.  Those years my dad learned at home through Calvert.  Although back then it was called Correspondence School and not homeschooling.   He did it only two or three years total of his education, but he did do it.

 

He said one year he and his brothers finished the entire curriculum by Christmas and didn't know what they were going to do the rest of the school year!  :laugh:

 

Turns out that was the year the war started and they were asked to get on a boat for the US by about February, so it worked out well for them.  The boat took 3 months back then and they didn't need to worry about school.

 

Dawn

 

 

We were buying some food from one of the trendy food trucks in town, this particular one owned by a nice Russian immigrant couple. The man asked me why Middle Girl wasn't in school, and I said she didn't go to school. He looked shocked and said "What?! How old?" When I told him she was nine, he was more confused, and I explained that I taught her at home. He suddenly had a look of clarity, and said his mother took him out of school in Russia and taught him, too. From his age, I'd guess that to have been the mid to late Nineties. I'd had no idea that was being done in Russia. If his English (or I suppose my Russian) had been better, I'd have loved to have learned more about his education.

 

[sewingmama]

Am I the only one who almost never gets weird comments about homeschooling? :confused:

I don't ..but thats because its so rare here it isn't on peoples radars so they really don't have an opinion of it. When my kids tell people we homeschool people usually say "oh thats nice" cause they don't know what else to say.

 

The most annoying comment I seem to get is from people who know I homeschool and will ask what school my kids are in and I tell them "we are homeschooling..(remember)" and then they say "oh are you still doing that...when do you think you will stop and send them to school". As if there is no way I could possibly homeschool them longer then first grade. I usually just laugh and say " When I get sick of teaching them". I just cant be bothered trying to explain that this isn't just a "fancy" of mine. Grrr

[PeacefulChaos]

Wow, officially the first time I've had a DP.  Stupid Internet Explorer (I'm not on my computer/not at home). 

I would go find a picture to fill the space, but I can't even figure out how to make one of my OWN pictures small enough to post on here, so.... yeah...

Carry on!

[PeacefulChaos]

I don't usually get many comments from others re:homeschooling, but a general...avoidance of the topic, I guess?

I'm friends with some PS teachers who are adamantly supportive of PS.  Which is awesome.  I'm supportive of PS, too, for people.  They tend to get a little defensive sometimes when they are talking about the PS system and I'm around.  I never comment on it AT ALL and all I've ever said is that my kids liked it and we were happy with it when they were there.  That doesn't really seem to matter, though... 

There seems to be an idea that just because I homeschool that means I think everyone should, or that I think I'm doing better for my kids than they are.  It's a little bit frustrating, because that isn't how I feel AT ALL.  Sigh...

 

Other than that, there's just a bit of people thinking I'm crazy.  I chose an option that isn't the norm around here unless you are uber-religious, and I just have to get used to being different.  Usually it's no problem - as of late I've had a couple of times, though, that just make me shake my head and wish I wasn't so misunderstood.  :/

 

 

ETA: I just remembered one of the more :001_huh: things I heard recently... I do tend to get a lot of the 'I could NEVER do that, I would go crazy' comments, or the 'What about high school?' comments... a few weeks ago, one of my PS Teacher friends was like (to another teacher in the group, who actually wants to homeschool/has homeschooled her children but can't right now), 'Oh, I don't think I'll ever homeschool.  I mean, even if I could do it at first, once we hit, like, 3rd grade math I'd be done for!'  .... Third grade math?  Really?  :glare:  :rolleyes:

[Halftime Hope]

I'm friends with some PS teachers who are adamantly supportive of PS.  Which is awesome.  I'm supportive of PS, too, for people.  They tend to get a little defensive sometimes when they are talking about the PS system and I'm around.  I never comment on it AT ALL and all I've ever said is that my kids liked it and we were happy with it when they were there.  That doesn't really seem to matter, though... 

There seems to be an idea that just because I homeschool that means I think everyone should, or that I think I'm doing better for my kids than they are.  It's a little bit frustrating, because that isn't how I feel AT ALL.  Sigh...

 

 

 

It's like this for me at church, with a number of school teachers in the church and several in my class.  I always ask about how things are going in their lives, their school year, because even though I'm a homeschooler, I'm still a teacher, right?  I care about these ladies, I've known them for ten years, I pray for them and share in their joys and in their sorrows.  Their kids have grown up with mine. 

 

They know me a bit, they know that we've taken homeschool seriously (my kids will not ever end up in their classes four years below grade level), they know my kids are decent human beings.  But I never, ever get any kind of interest in how things are going for me or for us.  It's just not on their radar that this is my work world, my family life, and my passion all rolled up into one big messy tangled ball of love.

 

It's really sad that work bias keeps them from even trying to understand my world.  I do better with friends at church who are not teachers.  They show more interest and wonder how it works....sometimes.  Even though some of them care, I think it is difficult for them to wrap their heads around.  Which is odd, to me, because when i'm getting to know someone, I do ask about their work, what their day is like, what they like and don't like about their job, etc.  Maybe i'm just a strange person. 

[Hikin' Mama]

Last spring we were at a banquet with my high school senior son. The banquet honored high achieving seniors (this phrase will be important in a minute) from all around our region. There were 4 students from my son's sr. class of 250. He was also valedictorian and had to do independent study classes in math, because he was ahead in both math and science when he started there as a freshman, and they didn't have enough math classes for him to continue taking math all 4 years. So...my husband tells another dad there that I homeschool my dd and homeschooled ds through 8th grade. The man immediately comes back with,"The problem with homeschoolers is they come into the public school system and they are so behind." Please refer back to that important phrase I mentioned a minute ago, the one about *high achieving* seniors. Ya, logical much?

[Mommy22alyns]

Am I the only one who almost never gets weird comments about homeschooling? :confused:

 

It almost never happens to me either, which is why this was so... off the wall.  99% of responses I get are positive.

 

 

 

 

Whatever the motive behind the questions, they were awesomely funny in the moment and made me spit on my iPad.

 

 

Why, thank you!  When I called DH with this, it was a funny rant, so I'm glad to see  that came through.   :laugh:

[Halftime Hope]

I said upthread that I do better with being understood by folks at church who aren't teachers.  Interesting convo this morning.  This lady who has two younger girls in the youth group (10th grader and 8th or 9th grader) was sitting in front of me.  I barely know her, but she knows my youngest (ds#2) pretty well and likes him--he's earned her respect, AND he can dish right back whatever she starts--she's a bit zany.  (She doesn't yet know that he gets it from me.)  Anyhow, I asked if her girls were excited about going back to school tomorrow.  She said they were in school already, that they go to a charter school.  That she does the next best thing since she has to work for a living, but she couldn't put them in Name of Suburb [High School.]   A bit later after an interruption, she elaborated that it had taken her four years, but all three of her kids are now in the one charter school.  (Which is about 20 miles away...)

 

So, I'm not going to take offense at the work for a living part--I don't think she meant to be offensive with that.   I'm still trying to figure out if she meant the next best thing to homeschooling?  I can't think of anything else she could have meant.  I reported the conversation word for word. 

[Pegasus]

We've had a few incidences but not many.  When we first started homeschooling, a co-worker of mine responded vehemently, "No, no, no!  You are NOT homeschooling." and proceeded to try to talk me out of it.  When it became clear that his opinion wasn't going to influence me, he let it go for several years. However, when my oldest DD started to approach high school age, he started a hard pitch for the public high school.  He meant well and I never held it against him.

 

DH, meanwhile, had a friend who was teaching in the public schools and strongly disagreed with our decision to homeschool.  He felt that we needed to be IN the schools in order to try to make them better.  A few years later, he had left the public schools and was apologizing to us over and over again, telling us that we were right to homeschool.  He is now teaching the prison population and is so much happier.

[T'smom]

[quote name="Valerie(TX)" post="5157285" timestamp=

 

this is my work world, my family life, and my passion all rolled up into one big messy tangled ball of love.

 

 

I love this quote. It's just such a great description and it fits how I feel perfectly.

[Hen]

Pegasus,

 

..."He is now teaching the prison population and is so much happier."  sorry, but that just made me :lol: :lol: :lol:

 

great quote :D

[NASDAQ]

She kind of sounds like she's trying to make conversation. Somewhat annoying, very earnest conversation.

 

Unfortunately, the devil gets hold of me and I want to give terrible answers do these types of things. "We're not letting them see any other children because they haven't had their shots. Except out the window. That's okay. We believe that computers are Satan's plaything so we can't have them in the home. We went to a fair once but we were asked to leave when dd bit the cow and ds chased a pig around the fairground. Also, I believe it's wrong to leave the house more often than monthly. It's called _home_ school, not _wander around the city_ school."

[MrsJewelsRae]

Haha! "Have they seen animals?"

 

While shopping at Payless a couple years ago on a school day the sales lady asked why the kids weren't in school and I said we hs. "Oh" she says with surprise "...is that legal?" - in a voice st above a whisper!! Yup, I'm breaking the law and just announced it out loud to a random sales clerk. Duh! It actually made me kinda sad tho, did she ever stop to think this is Canada and you wonder if its illegal for parents to educate their own children?! *forhead smack*

 

A few months ago a nurse at my drs office asked about my son being unvaccinated (he's anaphylactic to many foods including eggs) so I said "don't worry tho, we homeschool so they aren't exposed to as many germs". Well that didn't help. She says "oh no! I hope you don't hang out with homeschoolers- they're the worst for not vaccinating!". :/ Oy.

 

I mostly hear positive things tho, or at least feign interest. Many people say "good for you" or "oh I wish I could do that" or self denigrating comments along the lines of "wow, you're amazing I could never do that!". I've had a few doozies. Like my dh's aunt who passionately exclaimed in horror in front of my kids when she found out they hs "I could never do that, I just could NEVER do that to my kids. They would have no friends! You can't raise them in a box." (To which her 19 yr college daughter nodded vigorously and firmly supported -in all her unmarried with no children wisdom) as I was removing my children from the room she asks "what if you die??!!" :O so. wish. I. was. kidding. "You're children would be completely lost! They need to learn to be away from mommy and be able to learn from others. Why I knew a child who was homeschooled and his mother died when he was 7, that child was so lost, he had to go to public school and he was so behind and he couldn't even tie his own shoes!" I was so shocked at her outburst. I wondered how she would react if I implied the opposite to her statement- that her kids would be just fine without her if she died since they're in public school and all, that's almost as good as having a mom, right? Or that if homeschoolers raise their kids in a box can I then say that public schoolers have thrown theirs to the wolves?! Gahhh! Thankfully my MIL stepped in at that point and shut her sister down, cause I was getting pretty peeved. ;)