Why do people say this stuff to me?

[Amber in SJ]

Today at the grocery store with my 10yo dd & 8yo ds I was asked the usual question,

 

"No school today?"  to which I gave the usual answer,

 

"We homeschool."  The cashier's mouth dropped open and she said,

 

"OMG!  Are you going to have a nervous breakdown?"

 

Now what is the correct answer to this?  "No."  or  "Right now?" or  "If I don't get home before the ice cream melts, I might."  or "It is entirely possible."  instead I laughed and said, "It  isn't perfect but it works for us."

 

She then proceeded to tell me about other homeschooling families she knows whose children could not get into college. 

 

Another homeschooling mom was there at the same time with her kids & she said no one has ever said anything to her about homeschooling.

 

Why me?

 

Amber in SJ

[Mrs Mungo]

Because you are not mean enough. 

 

People who ask me rude questions receive rude answers. They don't keep talking to me.

[TammyinTN]

Get mean or snarky...whatever works!  ;)

[bettyandbob]

I'm not sure college prep advice from a grocery store cashier is useful. 

 

 

[marbel]

Oh my.  That's a new one.

 

I was talking to a friendly acquaintance last night about school for his two kids. They are siblings adopted internationally just last year and the parents had been debating the various options for their kids. The older is going into first grade.  He said, "Well, we aren't homeschooling. That's for heroes." 

 

We were in a group social situation so I couldn't really say what I wanted to say.  I just said "don't idolize homeschoolers.  Oh, better word: don't heroicize us.  We're not heroes and we don't want to be viewed that way."

 

He was properly chastened.  I think.  At least we laughed at my made-up word and moved on to different conversations.

 

People are weird.  I guess I am weird in my own way.  But I try not to say wildly inappropriate things to people.

[kewb]

I would have wanted to respond by pretending to talk to the voices in my head.  I probably would have done what you did.

 

[Dandelion]

You could try putting it back on them.  It's fun to answer something like that with "Why do you say that?" and then watch them stumble over their words as they try to explain themselves.   ;)

[Lisa in SC]

I think you definitely need to be more firm with your initial answer, and have a stock phrase to close down the conversation if it starts to sour. Many times, if asked if my children don't have school, I'll simply reply, "not today," or " we have half day." I've never been challenged about it.

 

If, I choose to share that we homeschool, I say it firmly but cheerfully and with a big smile on my face. If someone asked me if I was having a nervous breakdown, I would probably say something jokingly like, "oh, just like every mom, chocolate helps on stressful days."

 

Only a handful of times has anyone been rude about our choices, and that's when I give the shut down. I say things like, "Well, then it's great that we all have the freedom to make our own decisions," or "it's confusing to me as to why my family's decisions are so concerning to you. Have a nice day," or "this is what works for our family. Good day." That kind of thing. :)

[Arcadia]

Some people in SJ seems to be too opinionated :p  Hubby and I have learned to just smile and walk away.  At least you didn't get the weird lady at Coleman Ave who berated hubby and me because we are "from China and don't understand English"

[Forget-Me-Not]

Today at the grocery store with my 10yo dd & 8yo ds I was asked the usual question,

 

"No school today?"  to which I gave the usual answer,

 

"We homeschool."  The cashier's mouth dropped open and she said,

 

"OMG!  Are you going to have a nervous breakdown?"

 

Now what is the correct answer to this?

 

A big smile, and a genuine, "No!  I LOVE having them home with me!" would probably have shut it down pretty fast.  I generally find that if I act enthused and confident in my choice, people back off quickly or even mirror my pleasantness ;)

 

I'm not sure college prep advice from a grocery store cashier is useful. 

 

Well, I think that's a little unfair.  You don't know her history.  She might be cashiering while working her way through school or unable to get a job in her field.  I'm in no way condoning her comments, but summarily dismissing someone based on their current employment seems elitist. 

 

 

[idnib]

Well, I think that's a little unfair.  You don't know her history.  She might be cashiering while working her way through school or unable to get a job in her field.  I'm in no way condoning her comments, but summarily dismissing someone based on their current employment seems elitist. 

 

 

 

Well, I think that's a little unfair.  You don't know her history.  She might be cashiering homeschooling while working her way through school helping her children or they may be unable to get a  job in her field  good education at the local district.  I'm in no way condoning her comments, but summarily dismissing someone based on their current employment educational choices seems elitist. 

 

 

I agree, but it's just being elitist back at her! 

 

(She started it!)

 

:lol:

[Berta]

I lived in Jersey for 46 yrs and I had a lot of comments, but not that one yet. I think I would say in a strange voice "School?? What is that??"

 

I had a lady tell me that she could never homeschool, while her two "angels" were tearing up the aisle and being complete monsters. All I could say was "I can see why". 

 

 

[Catwoman]

The cashier said what she did because you gave her an opportunity. You said, "It isn't perfect, but it works for us." She heard, "it isn't perfect," and decided to share her extremely valuable wealth of knowledge with you. :rolleyes:

 

If you don't want to hear critical comments about homeschooling, don't give people an opening, and never act wishy-washy.

[Belacqua]

I still like your initial instinct of, "Right now?" 

[KathyJo]

I think when I walk in wearing a baby on my back, with children ranging from 2 to almost 17, most people just figure I'm too weird to bother with. I've had people around here refer to me as "the lady with all the kids."

[*Lulu*]

Substitute, "It works for our family" or "It is a good fit for us" for "It's not perfect....." and you'll get less feedback from strangers.

 

:)

[KathyJo]

Substitute, "It works for our family" or "It is a good fit for us" for "It's not perfect....." and you'll get less feedback from strangers.

 

:)

 

Or, "Mind your business, jerk."  :001_tt2:

 

No, I probably wouldn't, but I'd THINK it. I should probably go pray now.

[creekland]

I'm not sure college prep advice from a grocery store cashier is useful. 

 

I love this!  I'm forwarding it (the whole conversation + that thought) on to my Top Tier college sophomore (who homeschooled since 7th grade) so he can enjoy it too.  ;)

 

For a ps... I cashiered at night for a while after my kids were born so we didn't need to do day care or preschool.  My college degrees are in Physics and Psychology, but I simply didn't want full time or daytime after having kids, so took a job that worked well for us for a period of time.  I have nothing against cashiers with or without a degree, but it is just plain a cute thought considering the whole story!

[Liz CA]

I would always say: "We are in an independent study program." This reply never engendered more inquisitive questions. We had an umbrella school with which we were affiliated but my ds never went there except for annual testing. I went to quarterly meetings to discuss progress.

 

Perhaps you could say: "My kids are so smart. They are done in half the day."

 

:laugh:

[Amber in SJ]

"Are you going to have a nervous breakdown?" is not even the best comment I have had once strangers learn we homeschool.  I had a woman (in the same store, while I had many small children with me) say,

 

"Aren't you afraid they are going to become mentally ill from spending so much time with you?"

 

I was laughing too hard to answer.  I generally think it is too funny that people say such things to get upset.   Now, if it were someone who knew me & my kids it would be a different story.

 

Amber in SJ

[FaithManor]

Because you are not mean enough. 

 

People who ask me rude questions receive rude answers. They don't keep talking to me.

Mrs. Mungo is correct.

 

My response would be, "Wow, that was rude, unprofessional, and inappropriate.

Please do your job so I can leave the store."

 

Too many people without proper social skills seem to be under the impression that

any unfortunate thought they have should also be voiced. It won't get better

until those with good sense take a stand and make it very uncomfortable to

act this way.

[trulycrabby]

I haven't had this experience yet since it's our first year, but I'm kind of dreading it because I have known the cashiers and grocery store workers for a decade. So far, I have found that uttering the word" homeschool" is a real conversation killer, and that's just the way I like it. :)

[DawnM]

This kind of comment gets a, "Yes, I know many public school families whose children could not get in to college.  By the way, which college did you graduate from?"

 

 

 

She then proceeded to tell me about other homeschooling families she knows whose children could not get into college. 

 

 

Why me?

 

Amber in SJ

 

[Halftime Hope]

I learned a line from my cousin, the long-time first grade teacher.  "We are first graders now; we don't say every thought that pops into our minds." 

 

Perhaps that line could be modified for such situations with a not in it.  (We are not...)

[bettyandbob]

I love this!  I'm forwarding it (the whole conversation + that thought) on to my Top Tier college sophomore (who homeschooled since 7th grade) so he can enjoy it too.  ;)

 

For a ps... I cashiered at night for a while after my kids were born so we didn't need to do day care or preschool.  My college degrees are in Physics and Psychology, but I simply didn't want full time or daytime after having kids, so took a job that worked well for us for a period of time.  I have nothing against cashiers with or without a degree, but it is just plain a cute thought considering the whole story!

 

 

Oh, I know cashiers who have college degrees. I have a friend with Masters who teaches by day and cashiers at night and weekends. Her dh was injured on the job a few years ago and she took the second job to help make up the loss. I have a part time job that doesn't require a degree (swim teacher) and I have BS, MEd and JD. I just think people who overstep whether or not they have degrees are just really ignorant. 

[Mandylubug]

awe, man this reminds me of our "social experiment" we have going as of right now. I told the kids last week, since we were going out to eat for breakfast during the week, that I would pay them to play along with improvisational comments. IF someone was to ask them why they weren't in school, I wanted all four to answer as if they are in a traveling circus. I agreed to pay them each a dollar if they could answer or give a supportive comment towards being in a traveling circus such as "who needs an edumacation (incorrect pronunciation intended) when you can do a headstand on a tight rope" or something of the sort AND keep a straight face. Do you know we have yet to have anyone make any "why aren't you in school" comments?! We are dying here, just WAITING to hold this conversation. Maybe next week will be our week. The kids are enjoying discussing their potential conversation. I am determined to consider it part of our school week. Surely, it can be considered as Drama or some form of Arts, right?!

[KathyBC]

Today at the grocery store with my 10yo dd & 8yo ds I was asked the usual question,

 

"No school today?"  to which I gave the usual answer,

 

"We homeschool."  The cashier's mouth dropped open and she said,

 

"OMG!  Are you going to have a nervous breakdown?"

 

Now what is the correct answer to this?  "No."  or  "Right now?" or  "If I don't get home before the ice cream melts, I might."  or "It is entirely possible."  instead I laughed and said, "It  isn't perfect but it works for us."

 

She then proceeded to tell me about other homeschooling families she knows whose children could not get into college. 

 

Another homeschooling mom was there at the same time with her kids & she said no one has ever said anything to her about homeschooling.

 

Why me?

 

Amber in SJ

I think your answer was just fine. Polite, not pretending it is perfect, but still maintaining that it works for you.

[quark]

awe, man this reminds me of our "social experiment" we have going as of right now. I told the kids last week, since we were going out to eat for breakfast during the week, that I would pay them to play along with improvisational comments. IF someone was to ask them why they weren't in school, I wanted all four to answer as if they are in a traveling circus. I agreed to pay them each a dollar if they could answer or give a supportive comment towards being in a traveling circus such as "who needs an edumacation (incorrect pronunciation intended) when you can do a headstand on a tight rope" or something of the sort AND keep a straight face. Do you know we have yet to have anyone make any "why aren't you in school" comments?! We are dying here, just WAITING to hold this conversation. Maybe next week will be our week. The kids are enjoying discussing their potential conversation. I am determined to consider it part of our school week. Surely, it can be considered as Drama or some form of Arts, right?!

 

Love this. :D Yup, definitely drama and I would add thinking on your feet (or head) 101 too. :D

 

Poor OP. We are immigrants who used to live in SJ. Someone in our apartment community once threatened me (though I don't think he meant to sound so ominous) that we could be deported for not sending DS to school lol. I didn't know whether to laugh or feign a terrified look. I just patted his arm and said it's ok, I have it covered. Still kicking myself for missing such a golden opportunity.

 

That was the only time though. We've been asked plenty of times by cashiers and each one has been sweet and respectful so far.

 

[kitten18]

You don't have BRF (Bitchy Resting Face). You must have a pleasant face that makes people want to ask you those questions. Practice and maybe you'll scare people off.

:D - no

:angry: - yes

 

I hate to jinx myself, but I've only had people ask if I homeschool because they know someone who does. I think I would have said, "Well, it's not for everyone." I'll have to remember to put it back on them by asking "Why do you ask?"

The area around us went to year round, so at least there will be other kids out and about all the time now. Everyone else will be getting that dreaded question of "Why aren't you in school?" for a few months. mwahahaha

Hahahaha

[HS Mom in NC]

Well, I know people who were public schooled who didn't make it into selective colleges.  My kids who were homeschooled from the beginning are in community college at 17 and 15 and taking college level classes (as opposed to remedial classes there that are high school level.) So I guess it all evens out in the end.

[HS Mom in NC]

awe, man this reminds me of our "social experiment" we have going as of right now. I told the kids last week, since we were going out to eat for breakfast during the week, that I would pay them to play along with improvisational comments. IF someone was to ask them why they weren't in school, I wanted all four to answer as if they are in a traveling circus. I agreed to pay them each a dollar if they could answer or give a supportive comment towards being in a traveling circus such as "who needs an edumacation (incorrect pronunciation intended) when you can do a headstand on a tight rope" or something of the sort AND keep a straight face. Do you know we have yet to have anyone make any "why aren't you in school" comments?! We are dying here, just WAITING to hold this conversation. Maybe next week will be our week. The kids are enjoying discussing their potential conversation. I am determined to consider it part of our school week. Surely, it can be considered as Drama or some form of Arts, right?!

 

When you finally get the chance, be sure to start a topic on it so we can all hear about it in detail.  I'll be praying you get an opportunity soon.

 

Since I have all girls I'm tempted to answer something like, "Why send them to school?  Girls don't need to know how to read." But no one has ever been anything but supportive of our homeschooling out in public. Sigh.

 

[MomOfOneFunOne]

AMDG

 

OP, I would just like to say that courtesy is a lovely thing and lovelier still when we are able to extend it to those who fail to extend it to us.  It's easy to be rude; harder but far more noble to answer with charity.

[TranquilMind]

Today at the grocery store with my 10yo dd & 8yo ds I was asked the usual question,

 

"No school today?"  to which I gave the usual answer,

 

"We homeschool."  The cashier's mouth dropped open and she said,

 

"OMG!  Are you going to have a nervous breakdown?"

 

Now what is the correct answer to this?  "No."  or  "Right now?" or  "If I don't get home before the ice cream melts, I might."  or "It is entirely possible."  instead I laughed and said, "It  isn't perfect but it works for us."

 

She then proceeded to tell me about other homeschooling families she knows whose children could not get into college. 

 

Another homeschooling mom was there at the same time with her kids & she said no one has ever said anything to her about homeschooling.

 

Why me?

 

Amber in SJ

 

I was much more vague that you.  "No classes this afternoon....hey, isn't that on sale?"

[ThisIsTheDay]

Today at the grocery store with my 10yo dd & 8yo ds I was asked the usual question,

 

"No school today?"  to which I gave the usual answer,

 

"We homeschool."  The cashier's mouth dropped open and she said,

 

"OMG!  Are you going to have a nervous breakdown?"

 

Now what is the correct answer to this?  "No."  or  "Right now?" or  "If I don't get home before the ice cream melts, I might."  or "It is entirely possible."  instead I laughed and said, "It  isn't perfect but it works for us."

 

She then proceeded to tell me about other homeschooling families she knows whose children could not get into college. 

 

Another homeschooling mom was there at the same time with her kids & she said no one has ever said anything to her about homeschooling.

 

Why me?

 

Amber in SJ

 

"No school today?"

 

My response: "No."

 

"OMG! Are you going to have a nervous breakdown?"

 

My response: "Excuse me?"  (looks incredulously at cashier)

 

Telling me about other hs families who children couldn't get into college.

 

My response: "You mean they could only get cashier jobs?"

 

Okay, no, I really would NEVER say that, I don't even think that, I'm just feeling quite catty after reading what she said!  I don't think I encourage much in the way of conversation unless it seems to be positive.  :)  I must have that BRF.

 

As my kids got older, I grew weary of explaining.  Sometimes I just replied, "Small private school.  Day off."

 

[kiwik]

It is not compulsory to answer every question that is asked.

 

cashier "No school today?"

You "Have you had a busy morning"

 

It is also not necessary to answer the phone just because it rings :-)

 

But some people (like me) do tend to have more people taking liberties.

[Spryte]

"Are you going to have a nervous breakdown?" is not even the best comment I have had once strangers learn we homeschool.  I had a woman (in the same store, while I had many small children with me) say,

 

"Aren't you afraid they are going to become mentally ill from spending so much time with you?"

 

I was laughing too hard to answer.  I generally think it is too funny that people say such things to get upset.   Now, if it were someone who knew me & my kids it would be a different story.

 

Amber in SJ

 

 

:smilielol5:

 

 

That is one for the book.  Really.  That made me laugh so hard this morning!  

 

 

 

Now I'm off to work on my BRF, and then run some practice errands with DS during school hours to see if it works.

[msjones]

Try this one:

 

"What? No school today?"

 

 "They don't go to school."

 

Then change the subject.

[lea_lpz]

Substitute, "It works for our family" or "It is a good fit for us" for "It's not perfect....." and you'll get less feedback from strangers.

 

:)

This how I say it and people really either have a positive reaction or keep their mouths shut.

 

My canned response is, "when we decided to give homeschooling a try, we figured we'd commit to one year, and I just love it. My kids and I really enjoy it and so as long as it works for us, we'll continue." I say this in a cheerful voice with a smile.

 

Occasionally you still get some comments.

 

"It works for us." Rinse and repeat.

 

My kids are smart and very good at making friends and socializing, so if a person say wants to go there, spending a couple minutes around them shuts down those arguments fast.

 

The big stuff I hear:

#1: you don't send your son to preschool, but they learn so much -> ds, 4, walks up and explains something like condensation forming on his water bottle in a clear, articulate sentence

# 2: how do they make friends-> they find a playmate at the park, make friends in extra-curricular activities easily, etc. My daughter plays daily with neighborhood kids. She often lead prayer in front of 100+ kids at AWANA last year in K. In fact, many times the person saying this is the one with the wall flower child. My kids - not so much. I think they even are willing to put themselves out there more since they know these are opportunities to make friends.

#3: well, my kids never listen to me so I could never homeschool-> literally I am one of the few parents who at the park says 1x that it's time to go and the kids come, without a complaint or tantrum; also can go to a McDonald's playground, say you must eat lunch first or we'll leave immediately, and they sit and eat their lunch (all of it) before playing. People's mouth literally drop at this as my kids are only 4 & 6.

#4: how do you feel qualified to teach your kids-> I have a bachelors degree in political science from Berkeley and am 15 units shy of getting a masters from San Jose State in Marriage and Family Therapy. I graduate this May. I don't fluent my degree or education or believe any of that is necessary to homeschool, but this generally very quickly gives the impression that I am very well qualified.

[goldberry]

Of course DD is older, but she always answers.

 

She is a huge socialite and always talk to anyone.  She responds, "I homeschool!" with a big smile and her usual half-bounce she does when happy about something.  They usually get out an "oh -" before she jumps forward with, "yeah, I love it, and we just did blah, and I went to blah competition, and blah, blah, blah..."  She continues until I drag her away.

 

That's funny, I just now realized that's why I never have to answer...