Rant: To the woman sipping coffee outside Starbucks at 8:30pm . . .

[Sahamamama]

There has to be a happy medium.  Can't children be taught to sit for 5 minutes without causing the car to explode?

 

This is the type of reasoning that causes our children to never grow up.  We wonder why we are so tired all the time--- because we keep our children "safe" by never allowing them them any perceived dangers-- so we do everything for them and take them with us all the time.

 

Children at 8 yrs old 100 yrs ago could be left at home, with younger children, and a gun to ward off intruders.

 

Now we cannot leave them in a locked car, 50 ft from mom, for 5 minutes?

 

Sure, we can leave them in a locked car, if we give them a gun to ward off intruders.

[Parrothead]

Why are you and your children so afraid of a well check by a police officer? What is that teaching your kids, exactly?

 

My kids have rarely had interactions with the police, but they've all been positive. I got pulled over for speeding (totally guilty) by the town's most notorious ticket writer and my youngest daughter was excited when the officer walked up and said, "Mommy, look! It's a police officer. Hello, Sir." I thought it odd when he told me he was just going to give me a warning since I raised my kid to respect police. Maybe it is as rare as he said?

In some micro-cultures it is a rare thing.

[Nestof3]

What possible safety issue? Some families live in cars and they don't die. There is nothing unsafe about sitting in a locked car when the weather is fine and there is no sun.

 

 

I agree with you. But, good luck on this board with those thoughts. I remember someone saying they wouldn't allow a teen to be left alone in a car. Okay, I guess that kid will never get a driver's license. LOL

 

There are those who don't even think you should leave a child alone in a vehicle long enough to return a cart. Just move on. :)

[SKL]

I don't believe your story based on the timeline you provided. It seems odd that a call could be made and the police dispatched to that location in 3 minutes.

 

You do like to call people liars, don't you?  It was 3 minutes.  Possibly 4 if you count the walk between the store and the car.  There was no line.  Have you ever dropped off a package at FedEx when there was no line?  They type the stuff into the computer, give you a receipt and you're out of there.

 

I agree it was surprising that the cop got there so fast.  That doesn't make me a liar.

[Lara in Colo]

What I find interesting, is that something magical happens at 18.

Children go from being protected and fearing all adults--- to being an adult and feared by all children.

[Sahamamama]

If the Starbucks lady *really* wanted to do something helpful, she could have just continued to drink her coffee while watching your car until you came out of FedEx.  Because you know she sat there and watched anyway.

 

You can't have it both ways. You can't say, on the one hand, that these are not her children, so she has no business calling the police and that doing so makes her a brainless busybody, AND THEN, on the other hand, say that she should have been truly helpful by providing free babysitting services while sipping her coffee. That's a push-me-pull-me argument.

 

Let's just all drive away with no guilt the next time we see little girls alone in a car.

 

[twoxcell]

 

 

I understand you are upset. Nothing horrible really happened other than embarrassment, but I think it's funny that people don't blink an eye at second graders riding bikes unattended through neighborhoods, walking to school alone, etc. but freak out when they are locked in a car for a few minutes. I'd love to see the number of child abductions that occur in vehicles within 10 minutes of being unattended. My kids are unattended for at least that long everytime I shower.

Actually I do blink an eye at 7 year olds wandering unattended around neighborhoods. As mentioned previously I have 3 little boys in my neighborhood who do that very thing and it is frankly scary and dangerous. As far as the OP's kids I don't think they were in serious danger based on what she said. I just think she is overreacting a bit. 

 

 

 

[Catwoman]

I agree with you. But, good luck on this board with those thoughts. I remember someone saying they wouldn't allow a teen to be left alone in a car. Okay, I guess that kid will never get a driver's license. LOL

There are those who don't even think you should leave a child alone in a vehicle long enough to return a cart. Just move on. :)

Oh no!!!!!

 

You mentioned SHOPPING CARTS!!! :eek: :eek: :eek:

 

It's only a short hop over to crock pots, and cupcakes in school, and COMPLETE AND UTTER MAYHEM!!!

 

;) ;) ;)

[twoxcell]

 

What I find interesting, is that something magical happens at 18.

Children go from being protected and fearing all adults--- to being an adult and feared by all children.

 

Well I don't think that magically takes place but we were talking about 7 year olds not 17 years olds here I thought. 

[mamajag]

I'm glad all you people are so thankful for busybodies. People should use their brains before calling the police on someone. A person who really cared about others would never have called police without giving the parent a few minutes to come back to the car.

I'm not so much thankful for busybodies as not seeing the situation of talking to a police officer for 30 seconds as being rantworthy and further trying to say that a police officer approaching your children is somehow harmful. That's what I don't get.

[SKL]

As for why my kids got scared when the cop approached, first, it was a weird out-of-the-way thing to happen and I wasn't with them.  Two, the time *I* got stopped for speeding with them in the car, the cop started out by hollering and being belligerent at me.  I was surprised he didn't soften when he saw that I had two (then) four-year-olds in the backseat, and I thought, well, that's a great way to get kids to trust the police!  Three, the cop was in a cop car but wearing plain clothes.  That might have seemed a little off to a kid.

[ChocolateReignRemix]

You do like to call people liars, don't you? It was 3 minutes. Possibly 4 if you count the walk between the store and the car. There was no line. Have you ever dropped off a package at FedEx when there was no line? They type the stuff into the computer, give you a receipt and you're out of there.

 

I agree it was surprising that the cop got there so fast. That doesn't make me a liar.

I believe you are significantly exaggerating this story.

[Murphy101]

Hey SKL, maybe you'd like to add this to the thread about More advanced work as a trend? ;p

 

I think it was silly of her to call and silly that parents have been given fears about people like that, not because I think those fears aren't valid, but because I think it's awful any parent should feel that way.

 

I think an average second grader (age 7 or 8?) should be reasonably expected to stay in the car for however long mom is in FedEx baring excessive conditions, extreme heat or other issue. You could have spent 20 minutes in the FedEx and I wouldn't have had a problem with it.

 

If I had been really worried, I'd have stuck around watching the van and probably creeped you out that way. LOL

[ThisIsTheDay]

You can't have it both ways. You can't say, on the one hand, that these are not her children, so she has no business calling the police and that doing so makes her a brainless busybody, AND THEN, on the other hand, say that she should have been truly helpful by providing free babysitting services while sipping her coffee. That's a push-me-pull-me argument.

 

Let's just all drive away with no guilt the next time we see little girls alone in a car.

 

 

You seem to be having a very rough night. Seriously, and I'm sorry.

 

I didn't say any of these things you are claiming. I'm not sure of the point of your "argument," but neither did I say anything about driving "away with no guilt the next time we see little girls alone in a car."  However, if I were in this situation, I would drive away with no guilt.  Her mom ran into a FedEx store. 

 

I don't think SKL did anything even remotely careless, and I think the woman completely overreacted.

[Nestof3]

Actually I do blink an eye at 7 year olds wondering unattended around neighborhoods. As mentioned previously I have 3 little boys in my neighborhood who do that very thing and it is frankly scary and dangerous. As far as the OP's kids I don't think they were in serious danger based on what she said. I just think she is over reacting a bit.

I do too because I think abduction happens easier in those moments, but more importantly, the kids seem oblivious to vehicles and other dangers. People are so pre-occupied with texting and such. My kids never went around a neighborhood alone at that age, but a locked vehicle for 3 minutes was a different sorry. But, I wonder how many cops are called for those neighborhood wanderings.

[unsinkable]

Oh no!!!!!

 

You mentioned SHOPPING CARTS!!! :eek: :eek: :eek:

 

It's only a short hop over to crock pots, and cupcakes in school, and COMPLETE AND UTTER MAYHEM!!!

 

;) ;) ;)

"How come Andrew gets to get up? If he gets up, we'll all get up! It'll be anarchy!"

[twoxcell]

 

 

I think it was silly of her to call and silly that parents have been given fears about people like that, not because I think those fears aren't valid, but because I think it's awful any parent should feel that way.

 

I think an average second grader (age 7 or 8?) should be reasonably expected to stay in the car for however long mom is in FedEx baring excessive conditions, extreme heat or other issue. You could have spent 20 minutes in the FedEx and I wouldn't have had a problem with it.

For the record I wouldn't have called the cops on SKL either unless I saw something dangerous happening. I have no way of know who actually called on her though or what they were thinking. ;)

[Jean in Newcastle]

What I find interesting, is that something magical happens at 18.

Children go from being protected and fearing all adults--- to being an adult and feared by all children.

I personally don't treat my children this way.  My kids have been pretty free range and have had a lot of responsibility that they've handled very well.  My 11 year old volunteers with babies and toddlers sometimes for 5 hour events.  I've had some people criticize my parenting.  I try not to take it personally.  And honestly, when I'm calm, it calms others down and they stop freaking out.  

 

I had one police officer accuse my dd of some vandalism when she was 8 or 9 (there was no proof of anything - she actually had been the one to report it).  I talked to him about it and told him that I did not think it was in character for her but I would talk to her about it.  I didn't get upset and he didn't either.  He was just trying to do his job.  

[Parrothead]

Maybe but I could see someone being worried about the possibility. . Like I said up thread somewhere I've done the same thing. It was not illegal in my state and I was confident that I wasn't being negligent. If someone had called it in, I would have calmly explained that and would not have been upset or flustered. At least in my neighborhood, unless you are breaking the law, the policeman is our friend. I just don't think it is that big a deal. Someone cared about the well-being of children. I think that is something to be grateful for. I don't think the person who called was out of bounds. It doesn't sound like the police officer was out of bounds. The reaction. . . . yeah, it seems a bit over the top.

I agree the LEO wasn't out of bounds. I can't even fault SKL for her reaction. For some people, even the most law-abiding people, dealing with a LEO is nerve wracking. I saw it all the time.

 

I do wonder about the caller. If it was the Starbucks woman, did she see SKL pull up to the store, get out of the car with the package in hand, see her lock the car then call the cops? In my mind if that is what happened her call was over the top. It is quite obvious what is going on and it isn't illegal in that particular state.

 

If the Starbucks woman came out of the coffee shop to find the kids alone and not have any notion of where the parents were that might warrant a call for a welfare check. But again leaving the kids in the car isn't illegal. So why immediately jump to the kids being in danger. Maybe SKL's kids look young for their age. I don't know.

 

We don't know if the person who called hung around to see the outcome. We don't know it the person who called was just b*tchy and wanted to try to get a stranger in trouble. Without knowing the motivation of the caller we can't make an accurate determination.

 

(I hate to post and run. It is after midnight here, my iPad is down to 5%, and I'm falling asleep typing.)

[Catwoman]

"How come Andrew gets to get up? If he gets up, we'll all get up! It'll be anarchy!"

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

[mamajag]

*shrugs* I think you just need to put your big girl panties on. If you leave your kids alone in a car (which I have done at UPS so not a saint) you have to be ready to answer for that decision should someone make that call. It's not worth the amount of stress or importance that you've put on it.

[Murphy101]

I don't think my kids would be scared of a cop, but they would be nervous. *I* would be too. Most people don't associate a cop visit with any kind of good news arriving with them. That's just a sad side effect of the nature of their job.

[SKL]

The thing is, when you call the cops on someone, you don't know what they are going to do.  In this case, the guy let it go, but I've heard of cases where they report to CPS and then CPS opens a case and that starts a whole domino effect.  And this only seems to happen to people who don't have time for it in the first place.  I usually take my kids into FedEx, but there was no way we were going to get to the library on time to renew the misplaced books if I did that.  And they are old enough IMO to sit in a car for up to 10 minutes, with me so close and able to check through the window (or leave) if for any reason I got slightly delayed (which I did not).  I was watching the clock very carefully since I was worried about getting to the library in time to renew books.

 

The person who called the cops knew I was going into the FedEx storefront with a prepared package.  It would be an extreme flight of the imagination to suspect that I was going to leave the kids in the car long enough for something terrible to happen to them.  I just hope someday this person has kids and finds herself between a rock and a hard place.  And when she does, I hope she remembers the choice she made today.

[Catwoman]

I think what it really comes down to is whether or not the woman saw SKL get out of the car to go in to FedEx, and immediately called the police, or whether she happened to walk past SKL's car after she'd already gone inside FedEx and saw two young children alone in the car.

 

I would assume that many of us would agree that the woman would have been out of line to have called so quickly if she'd seen SKL go into FedEx --- frankly, I doubt anyone would have made the call under those circumstances --- but if she had no idea how long the kids had been left unattended and she was worried about their safety, calling the police seems far more understandable.

[Catwoman]

The person who called the cops knew I was going into the FedEx storefront with a prepared package. It would be an extreme flight of the imagination to suspect that I was going to leave the kids in the car long enough for something terrible to happen to them. I just hope someday this person has kids and finds herself between a rock and a hard place. And when she does, I hope she remembers the choice she made today.

How do you know who called the police? I didn't think the police gave out that kind of information.

[Scrub Jay]

The person who called the cops knew I was going into the FedEx storefront with a prepared package.

I must have missed something. How do you know she knew this? And how do you know she knew you had no other business?

[Ameena]

First off *hug* to the OP - it sounds like you aren't having a good day. And I'm sure dealing with the police was the last thing you needed.

 

Now - I am more of the opinion that kids that age can be responsible enough to be left alone for a little while. I've left my dd alone in the grocery while I went to the restroom for up to 10 minutes, and she was FINE. My dd often rides the PUBLIC BUS sitting BY HER SELF too - but I am where I can keep an eye on her every few minutes at least. My dd goes outside & plays all on her own too without me - I do check on her every 20 minutes or so of if it gets quiet. She knows not to go by the street & not to talk to strangers, and all our house windows are open so I can hear her. It's called building INDEPENDENCE - something many kids/ teens struggle with today. Personally myself I'd have no issues with 2 kids in a locked car that wasn't overly hot at night & within sight of the parent {even if they are inside a store etc}. I would however stick around & see that the parent did come back if I could - after maybe 30-45 minutes then I would call probably, depending on how clean & well cared for the kids looked.

 

And for those saying that all kids should be raised to believe police are nice folks - you haven't met my dd yet. Thanks to her ASD and dealing with the illness & death of both her grandparents, she is TERRIFIED of police, EMS & firefighters. Sometimes all the good intentions you have does no good and you just have a kid who is scared of the uniform, just like some kids are scared of mascots or clowns. I won the jackpot & have a kiddo scared of all 3.

 

And, forgive me if this offends anyone, but I DON'T BELIEVE that kids should be raised with a blanket assumption that police, CPS, etc are ALWAYS the good guys. They are regular people, and can be just as bad as any other person walking down the street. Only they are less likely to get caught. We've had several instances in our areas of police officers abusing young children, often for YEARS before it was caught.

[Jean in Newcastle]

I think what it really comes down to is whether or not the woman saw SKL get out of the car to go in to FedEx, and immediately called the police, or whether she happened to walk past SKL's car after she'd already gone inside FedEx and saw two young children alone in the car.

 

I would assume that many of us would agree that the woman would have been out of line to have called so quickly if she'd seen SKL go into FedEx --- frankly, I doubt anyone would have made the call under those circumstances --- but if she had no idea how long the kids had been left unattended and she was worried about their safety, calling the police seems far more understandable.

See, to me, it comes down to if the OP wants to expend that much negative energy over something that was uncomfortable for only a couple of minutes.  At least that is what it seemed like from her description - the police officer making sure the girls are ok, talking to her a couple of minutes and then leaving.  I might be a bit annoyed or worried when I came out and saw the officer because I wouldn't know his reaction yet, but as soon as I talked to him, I would have a sigh of relief that he wasn't a jerk and that would be that.  That's what this whole thread is about for me - how you react when things really don't go as bad as you fear they might.  

[Murphy101]

Nope. Not me. Unless she saw clear danger of some sort, I think it was silly to call the cops to say what amounts to, "There are mobile age of reason children behaving reasonably in a car alone. I'm worried for no obvious reason that any minute they could go wild and drive into my favorite coffee shop or someone could suddenly appear and break in to the vehicle and haul them away to do dastardly things."

 

Um. Nope. That's nuts and a waste of tax layer (Edit: payer, if anyone is paying for that,... Well. Ahem. That's another topic entirely. And I'm even more against paying for it! ;p ) funded cop time.

 

MY first response to the cop would likely have been to ask what my kids were doing while I was in there. :D

[Catwoman]

See, to me, it comes down to if the OP wants to expend that much negative energy over something that was uncomfortable for only a couple of minutes. At least that is what it seemed like from her description - the police officer making sure the girls are ok, talking to her a couple of minutes and then leaving. I might be a bit annoyed or worried when I came out and saw the officer because I wouldn't know his reaction yet, but as soon as I talked to him, I would have a sigh of relief that he wasn't a jerk and that would be that. That's what this whole thread is about for me - how you react when things really don't go as bad as you fear they might.

:iagree:

 

That is so true, Jean.

[Parrothead]

First off *hug* to the OP - it sounds like you aren't having a good day. And I'm sure dealing with the police was the last thing you needed.

 

Now - I am more of the opinion that kids that age can be responsible enough to be left alone for a little while. I've left my dd alone in the grocery while I went to the restroom for up to 10 minutes, and she was FINE. My dd often rides the PUBLIC BUS sitting BY HER SELF too - but I am where I can keep an eye on her every few minutes at least. My dd goes outside & plays all on her own too without me - I do check on her every 20 minutes or so of if it gets quiet. She knows not to go by the street & not to talk to strangers, and all our house windows are open so I can hear her. It's called building INDEPENDENCE - something many kids/ teens struggle with today. Personally myself I'd have no issues with 2 kids in a locked car that wasn't overly hot at night & within sight of the parent {even if they are inside a store etc}. I would however stick around & see that the parent did come back if I could - after maybe 30-45 minutes then I would call probably, depending on how clean & well cared for the kids looked.

 

And for those saying that all kids should be raised to believe police are nice folks - you haven't met my dd yet. Thanks to her ASD and dealing with the illness & death of both her grandparents, she is TERRIFIED of police, EMS & firefighters. Sometimes all the good intentions you have does no good and you just have a kid who is scared of the uniform, just like some kids are scared of mascots or clowns. I won the jackpot & have a kiddo scared of all 3.

 

And, forgive me if this offends anyone, but I DON'T BELIEVE that kids should be raised with a blanket assumption that police, CPS, etc are ALWAYS the good guys. They are regular people, and can be just as bad as any other person walking down the street. Only they are less likely to get caught. We've had several instances in our areas of police officers abusing young children, often for YEARS before it was caught.

Your poor kiddo. I'm sorry she is scared of public service people. I just wanted to say I hope you are working with her on these fears. Often kids who are afraid of fully turned out firefighters hide from them if there is a fire. Please teach her not to hide in the event of a fire. It makes rescue that much more difficult if there is a fire.

[SKL]

This is why this is so irritating to me.  This is not a one-time thing.  People think they're doing a good thing when they call the cops on parents who are doing perfectly normal, safe things.  Parents are intimidated into denying their kids the opportunity to mature, because busybodies might call the cops if they are out of their mother's sight for a few minutes.  I wish someone would stand up and tell these people that they need to use their brains before they call law enforcement on someone who is not in fact hurting anyone.  Law enforcement has better things to do, and parents need to be able to raise their kids.

[Ameena]

See, to me, it comes down to if the OP wants to expend that much negative energy over something that was uncomfortable for only a couple of minutes.  At least that is what it seemed like from her description - the police officer making sure the girls are ok, talking to her a couple of minutes and then leaving.  I might be a bit annoyed or worried when I came out and saw the officer because I wouldn't know his reaction yet, but as soon as I talked to him, I would have a sigh of relief that he wasn't a jerk and that would be that.  That's what this whole thread is about for me - how you react when things really don't go as bad as you fear they might.  

 

Except that it might not be uncomfortable for a "few minutes". If you have a kiddo with a fear of police, it might be several days of work to get them fully functioning again.

 

And if for some unknown reason CPS was called, even though it wasn't warranted, it could be months or years of "uncomfortable" dealing with all the red tape. And that would be a best case scenario.

[Catwoman]

This is why this is so irritating to me. This is not a one-time thing. People think they're doing a good thing when they call the cops on parents who are doing perfectly normal, safe things. Parents are intimidated into denying their kids the opportunity to mature, because busybodies might call the cops if they are out of their mother's sight for a few minutes. I wish someone would stand up and tell these people that they need to use their brains before they call law enforcement on someone who is not in fact hurting anyone. Law enforcement has better things to do, and parents need to be able to raise their kids.

Has this happened to you in the past? :confused: I was under the impression that this was a one-time thing, but you seem inordinately enraged about it.

 

I honestly don't know anyone who has had anything similar happen to them. I don't think it's as common as you seem to believe it to be.

 

Honestly, the thing that concerns me most at this point is how you knew exactly who had called the police on you. I really didn't think the police were allowed to divulge that information, and I find it quite distressing that this particular officer must have pointed out the exact Starbucks Lady to you.

[Excelsior! Academy]

Hugs to the OP. These are elementary aged children not preschoolers. This was in the cool of the evening, not 110 degrees not 1AM. I have left children in the car to pay for gas and to replace a grocery cart. I almost always take mine in with me, just as the OP said she did. I see both sides of the issue, if the lady truly thought they were in danger then by all means she should call, but within a 5 minute time frame? The caller overreacted. Vent away. Your children are safe and the police officer recognized this.

[mamajag]

I guess I've been raised differently when it comes to law enforcement. I was taught to be polite, respectful, and truthful and things will be just fine. They are human. Every encounter I have had bears this out. I've never had a bad encounter with law enforcement. I did get a lecture from a deputy in Texas when I used the shoulder to make a right turn (it's very illegal there apparently but not here in MS), but considering he could have taken me to jail it was all good. This was probably due to my "yes, sir", "no, sir", and "I'm sorry I wasn't aware, sir". I can't say I've ever been afraid of them, though, not even the one in Louisiana who was very upset that my MS antique tag was valid for 100 years and he couldn't write me up for no seat belt since my truck predates seat belts and then he couldn't get me for no insurance as it wasn't required by my state at the time. Even though he was hostile, I wasn't afraid of him. It never crossed my mind.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Except that it might not be uncomfortable for a "few minutes". If you have a kiddo with a fear of police, it might be several days of work to get them fully functioning again.

 

And if for some unknown reason CPS was called, even though it wasn't warranted, it could be months or years of "uncomfortable" dealing with all the red tape. And that would be a best case scenario.

A child that afraid of the police seems unhealthy and not normal.  There was no reason for CPS to be called.  So I wouldn't be afraid of that.  

[Murphy101]

A child that afraid of the police seems unhealthy and not normal. There was no reason for CPS to be called. So I wouldn't be afraid of that.

But there are lots of not normal and unhealthy kids in the world and she already stated that her dd is one of them in this regards.

 

Guess that leaves just her up a creek?

[Catwoman]

A child that afraid of the police seems unhealthy and not normal. There was no reason for CPS to be called. So I wouldn't be afraid of that.

:iagree:

 

And if we have to worry that children will have an irrational fear of the police, at what point is it acceptable to notify the police that those children have been left alone in a car at night? 5 minutes? 5 hours? Or should we never call, no matter what's going on?

 

I'm sorry, but if I think a child is in enough danger to warrant a call to the authorities, it will not even cross my mind to worry that the kid might have a fear of the police or of firemen.

[Mergath]

This is why this is so irritating to me.  This is not a one-time thing.  People think they're doing a good thing when they call the cops on parents who are doing perfectly normal, safe things.  Parents are intimidated into denying their kids the opportunity to mature, because busybodies might call the cops if they are out of their mother's sight for a few minutes.  I wish someone would stand up and tell these people that they need to use their brains before they call law enforcement on someone who is not in fact hurting anyone.  Law enforcement has better things to do, and parents need to be able to raise their kids.

 

I don't think that leaving young children alone in a car at night is a normal thing for most people, and I really don't see how it gives your kids "the opportunity to mature."  Good grief.  You are massively overreacting about the whole thing.

[swellmomma]

:grouphug:  It sounds like this was the incident that broke the camel's back.  You were already having a stressful, tiring day and then to have one more thing heaped on even if it appears small to outsiders feels like everyone is against you.  Maybe tomorrow this will be nothing more than the irritation of a mosquito bite where today it feels aweful.  I think the caller over reacted.  I think it is possible it was more than 3 minutes but given that it is not illegal in your area to leave children unattended like that, it doesn't matter if it was 10 minutes.  I can appreciate someone being concerned, but I know I would be right po'd if someone presumed to know better about what was safe for my children , and not only presumed that but called the police on me.  My kids do not have a fear of police, but they don't like them either, especially out here where we know the cops all from around town.  having a uniform does not mean they are good guys out to save the day, many times they are still arses just arses in uniform, and you never know what you are going to get when they approach you.  My kids would not respond well to a cop, especially one in plain clothes approaching the door.  I leave my kids in the vehicle long enough to run a short errand like that.  Sometimes it is just my ds9 and dd5.  Never in the heat or extreme cold of winter, but to drop something off in a mild evening, absolutely.  They have instructions not to unlock the door for anyone, even if Jesus Himself came knocking on it.  And if I saw a man approaching my children like that since he was in plain clothes you can not tell immediately it is a cop, I would certainly be on the defensive instantly and have a much harder time coming down from it afterwards kwim.

Anyway, I hope your night gets much calmer and that in the new light of tomorrow you can let this be something to let roll right on by as nothing more than a nuisance.  Well meaning passers by who are concerned are one thing, presumptious holier-than-thou people are another.  It sounds like you got the second one.  A well meaning passerby would say something to you as you entered the fed ex, would check on the safety of the kids themselves, would wait a few minutes(like really even if in a hurry waiting 5 minutes is not unreasonable imo) to see if a parent was around etc many other steps to be taken before calling the police and assuming the worst. 

There is no point in everyone jumping on to say how wrong you were to leave them.  It was not illegal and it is a parental decision to be made based on the maturity level of the children in question. Since we don't know your kids there is no point in claiming how dangerous it was.  I mean there are 5 year olds with more maturity and ability to stay put and obey parental instructions than my almost 15 year old son has.  And yet no one would bat an eye at me leaving him in the car unattended.

Well get some sleep and I hope tomorrow goes by with a lot less drama for you.

[Jean in Newcastle]

But there are lots of not normal and unhealthy kids in the world and she already stated that her dd is one of them in this regards.

 

Guess that leaves just her up a creek?

It leaves her having to help a child through a circumstance that she hadn't anticipated, as we all have to do at times.  Isn't that  just part of parenting?  

[Ameena]

A child that afraid of the police seems unhealthy and not normal.  There was no reason for CPS to be called.  So I wouldn't be afraid of that.  

 

As I said before, she has ASD & her fear stems from associating police / EMS with the illness & death of her grandparents. We are working with her on it & she has come a long way - she no longer just totally physically locks up around EMS & firefighters. And yes to those who are wondering - we are stressing that in a fire DO NOT HIDE. Thank goodness for Elmo & Sesame street fire safety videos - they have been a huge help.

 

Some towns {I personally know of 2 small towns near me} have a policy of ALWAYS calling CPS on any calls that involve a minor, to rule out possible abuse or neglect, even if the officer says it was unfounded. It's a guilty until proven innocent mindset with one in particular - we try to avoid that town as much as possible.

[SKL]

Has this happened to you in the past? :confused: I was under the impression that this was a one-time thing, but you seem inordinately enraged about it.

 

I honestly don't know anyone who has had anything similar happen to them. I don't think it's as common as you seem to believe it to be.

 

Honestly, the thing that concerns me most at this point is how you knew exactly who had called the police on you. I really didn't think the police were allowed to divulge that information, and I find it quite distressing that this particular officer must have pointed out the exact Starbucks Lady to you.

 

No, the police (nor CPS) have never been called *on me* in the past, but I know one person IRL and others online who have had this happen and it led to a CPS case being opened.  Of course I was not there, the facts might have been "worse" in those cases, but I don't know.

 

This city is where my kids went to preschool.  One day the daycare distributed a letter from city police stating that nobody is to leave their kids in the car while loading and unloading other kids.  The letter said the cops would take "appropriate action" if they ever saw this happening.  They were talking about tots, but even then, that bothered me, because again, you're talking about a time when parents are in and out within a couple of minutes, and often it's for the kids' own safety that they are left in the car.  (Example:  a set of very impulsive twins; the parents had to bring them out and lock them into their seats one at a time so they would not run in front of cars in the parking lot or the bank drive-thru next door.)  We live in an area where it's more likely to be cold, snowing, hailing, raining, etc. than hot, especially at the usual dropoff/pickup times that working parents observe.  It was over the top.  So this cop who came tonight was from the same police department.  I honestly thought that nobody would think anything about schoolkids being left in the circumstances that existed tonight.  But obviously when I saw the cop I didn't know what was going to happen.

 

ETA:  I should note that after receiving that cop letter years ago, I looked up the law in that city and confirmed that it is not illegal to leave kids of any age in a car (at any hour of the day).  It is a matter of discretion re safety.

[Sahamamama]

You seem to be having a very rough night. Seriously, and I'm sorry.

 

I didn't say any of these things you are claiming. I'm not sure of the point of your "argument," but neither did I say anything about driving "away with no guilt the next time we see little girls alone in a car."  However, if I were in this situation, I would drive away with no guilt.  Her mom ran into a FedEx store. 

 

I don't think SKL did anything even remotely careless, and I think the woman completely overreacted.

 

Me? Nope. Not having a rough night at all. :confused1:

[Sisyphus]

I personally would have wandered over towards the car when I saw you get out and walk away, and linger nearby until you came out, and then gone back to my coffee. I do think whoever called greatly overreacted, but sadly I am not surprised. At the dance studio a group of moms were talking, and one saw a woman pull up at the post office Nd go in and her baby was in the car seat. She called the police as soon as the woman got inside. I was totally flummoxed as to why she didn't at least say "hey lady, you gonna leave your baby in the car?" but everyone agreed she might have gotten angry and possibly pulled a gun.

 

Seriously- they thought she might shoot the lady telling the story and told her she did the right thing.

 

So I just sat there, and the consensus was she did the right thing by calling the cops. But it makes no sense to me. if you are worried, say something, otherwise keep an eye out, but the cops? Over reacting. It's like no one talks to each other any more. Neighbor trouble? Call the cops! Dog out? Call the cops! What happened to saying "hey, I'm worried about this"?

[Murphy101]

:iagree:

And if we have to worry that children will have an irrational fear of the police, at what point is it acceptable to notify the police that those children have been left alone in a car at night? 5 minutes? 5 hours? Or should we never call, no matter what's going on?

I'm sorry, but if I think a child is in enough danger to warrant a call to the authorities, it will not even cross my mind to worry that the kid might have a fear of the police or of firemen.

No, I'm not saying to not call when there is apparent danger. Not at all saying that.

 

I'm saying we shouldn't treat calling cops like tattling to teacher. It's a waste of cop time and it can create unforeseen additional problems for another person that are not warranted to inflict on them.

 

Sure, helping kids deal with crap they struggle with sucks and is just a part of parenting. I agree with that too, Jean.

 

That doesn't mean I go looking to add to another parent's struggle when it isn't truly necessary.

[Barb_]

This is why this is so irritating to me. This is not a one-time thing. People think they're doing a good thing when they call the cops on parents who are doing perfectly normal, safe things. Parents are intimidated into denying their kids the opportunity to mature, because busybodies might call the cops if they are out of their mother's sight for a few minutes. I wish someone would stand up and tell these people that they need to use their brains before they call law enforcement on someone who is not in fact hurting anyone. Law enforcement has better things to do, and parents need to be able to raise their kids.

Exactly. Hover parenting has become such a competitive sport that perfectly normal parents are increasingly seen as neglectful. I've been a parent now for 23 years and I've seen a qualitative shift in the past 5 years or so of people being all up in each ofher's business. Someone called the cops on me last month because my 4 and 7yo children were outside playing in the grassy courtyard of our building with their 14yo sister. A couple of years ago I had the cops called on me when I left my middle kids (12 and almost 9 at the time) in a bookstore to browse while I ran next door to target to buy diapers. A lady went out of her way to confront me in Walmart and and told me to get off the phone (was talking to a daughter who was babysitting the toddler) and pay attention to my son (who was pestering me for fruit snacks he knew I didn't buy). Another lady called my 16yo a rude bit-ch and threaten to call "the authorities" because she snapped at her brother to cool it and stop whining for cherry coke when she had taken all 4 of the youngers out for lunch as a treat. This sort of situation did not happen when I was a younger mom raising my big kids. I second guess myself all the time because I worry about who is looking over my shoulder waiting to report me.

[Ravin]

Has this happened to you in the past? :confused: I was under the impression that this was a one-time thing, but you seem inordinately enraged about it.

 

I honestly don't know anyone who has had anything similar happen to them. [/b]

I once had someone (and it had to have been someone who drove by on a 45mph road as I passed no houses or pedestrians) call the cops on me as I was walking down the street with DD asleep on my back in an Asian-style carrier. I had to reassure the officer who approached me that I could feel her breathing against my back and, as it was a sunny day, that she was slathered in sunscreen.

[unsinkable]

I personally would have wandered over towards the car when I saw you get out and walk away, and linger nearby until you came out, and then gone back to my coffee. I do think whoever called greatly overreacted, but sadly I am not surprised. At the dance studio a group of moms were talking, and one saw a woman pull up at the post office Nd go in and her baby was in the car seat. She called the police as soon as the woman got inside. I was totally flummoxed as to why she didn't at least say "hey lady, you gonna leave your baby in the car?" but everyone agreed she might have gotten angry and possibly pulled a gun.

 

Seriously- they thought she might shoot the lady telling the story and told her she did the right thing.

 

So I just sat there, and the consensus was she did the right thing by calling the cops. But it makes no sense to me. if you are worried, say something, otherwise keep an eye out, but the cops? Over reacting. It's like no one talks to each other any more. Neighbor trouble? Call the cops! Dog out? Call the cops! What happened to saying "hey, I'm worried about this"?

I would have guessed toothbrush shank, not gun.