SKL Posted August 13, 2013 Share Posted August 13, 2013 I'm sure you patted yourself on the back when you called the cops on me. See, I am a single working mom with two second-grade daughters. This afternoon, my client emailed an urgent request for me to FedEx something for delivery tomorrow morning. The last FedEx pickup is at 8:45pm. The girls also had some library books due today, and the library closes at 9pm. We were stuck in the house until 7:30pm due to my kids' piano lessons. My friend was supposed to come at 7:30 to give my kids dinner, but as she had not arrived by 8:20, I packed the kids into the car and rushed to FedEx. I instructed the girls to look under the car seats for a missing library book while I dropped off the already-prepared FedEx, so we'd be ready to zip to the library as soon as I came out. Three minutes later, I came out and there was a cop walking toward my car, his vehicle blocking mine. He explained that someone had called in a complaint of children left in a car. I said I'd only been away for 3 minutes. He seemed a bit perturbed himself to be wasting time on such nonsense, but he had no choice. He called in a status update and drove away. Starbucks Lady, I know you think people need to be afraid to leave their kids in the car. Not because it's hot - there is no sun at 8:30pm. But because you think someone is going to steal them. Yeah? Well you should really think again, because the biggest thing parents are afraid of these days is people like you. Who's more likely to snatch my kids - the extremely rare stranger-kidnapper, who would need magical powers to notice an "opportunity," invisibly bust into my locked car (in a parking lot where obviously people are watching), and subdue my two kids, all in less than three minutes? Or the public officials who think they have a right to dictate parenting choices? Starbucks Lady, please go find something important to do so that people like me can have some peace. I have more than enough stress in my life already, thank you. Oh and ps, thanks for scaring my kids by sending a cop to approach them for no good reason. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JFSinIL Posted August 13, 2013 Share Posted August 13, 2013 Yeah - but how was she to know you'd be back in three minutes? Or all the other details you shared here? A kidnapper isn't going to care that you are in a time crunch - sorry, but she was just doing what folks should do when they see little kids unattended like that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted August 13, 2013 Share Posted August 13, 2013 You weren't detained. Your children weren't harmed. They made sure the children were safe and then left. I think you are overreacting. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mergath Posted August 13, 2013 Share Posted August 13, 2013 I'd be extremely uncomfortable if I saw children alone in a vehicle at night. Sorry, but I'd probably at least consider calling someone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest inoubliable Posted August 13, 2013 Share Posted August 13, 2013 How do you know it was the lady outside of Starbucks?? Why would your kids have been scared of a cop? :confused1: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted August 13, 2013 Share Posted August 13, 2013 Wow! Three minutes? That was a great response time. He must have been right around the corner. Too bad for you though that you had to add one more headache to an already stressful day. Oh, to the nosey-Parker lady, you need to have children one day then make a judgement call. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JFSinIL Posted August 13, 2013 Share Posted August 13, 2013 And why should the kids be upset that a police officer took the time to make sure they were o.k.? "Wow, kids - isn't it good to know our friends the police will help keep an eye on us and keep us safe like that? " said calmly (even if you were not so calm on the inside). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mergath Posted August 13, 2013 Share Posted August 13, 2013 And why should the kids be upset that a police officer took the time to make sure they were o.k.? "Wow, kids - isn't it good to know our friends the police will help keep an eye on us and keep us safe like that? " said calmly (even if you were not so calm on the inside). :iagree: You might want to work on that, SKL. If they're ever in a situation where they need the help of the police, being terrified of them could be a serious problem. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ravin Posted August 13, 2013 Share Posted August 13, 2013 If the kids are old enough to let themselves out, that kind of paranoid reaction is ridiculous. If it was half an hour or more, or they were sleeping in the heat, that's different. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted August 13, 2013 Share Posted August 13, 2013 I know in some states it is illegal to leave kids in a car alone under a certain age (under 7 in many states, which would put your kids on the edge). I have lived in some of those states and never left my kids in the car, even when my husband was deployed and I had no friends (because we had just moved) or family in the area whatsoever. Maybe the lady was a social worker. Maybe the cop noticed it himself and was annoyed he had to stop, not that someone called (blame shifting is common in situations like that). Maybe her kid had been kidnapped from an unattended car. You just don't know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted August 13, 2013 Author Share Posted August 13, 2013 She had to have called the minute I walked into FedEx in order for the cops to be there that fast. And it's FedEx. Not a bar, not a casino, not a hotel. How long does anyone stay in FedEx? I walked in there with a FedEx envelope bearing a FedEx label. No mystery there. If you don't know how long someone is going to be away, wait a little while and then call. These are not babies, they are second-graders. Most of us walked to school and back alone, played outside without supervision all summer, and even stayed home alone for short periods at that age. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NicAnn Posted August 13, 2013 Share Posted August 13, 2013 In my state it's against the law to leave kids alone at all, under 11. However, I feel that is ridiculous and would have no problem with a three minute run in to fed ex. On the flip side, I also have an ex law enforcement husband, and young kids and parents are often irresponsible. Like the time he responded to a call after a mother ran into a store to pick up a take out order and her 8 year old son ran the car into the shop... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted August 13, 2013 Author Share Posted August 13, 2013 It's not illegal in my state to leave kids this age alone. It is up to the discretion of the parents to decide if they are safe. They were safe. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sahamamama Posted August 13, 2013 Share Posted August 13, 2013 How old are your children? You don't say in your post. IMO, 11 and 13 in a locked car for three minutes is different from 6 and 8 in a locked (or unlocked?) car for three minutes. Then again, that would all depend on the temperature outside. Is it hot where you live? Locked car, unattended children inside? Unlocked car, unattended children inside? Is there a risk? That's your call, but if someone notices your unattended children, then that's her (or his) call. Don't whine that it's unfair for someone to care about your children's welfare. That's also part of the "risk" you have to assess when you leave them. Yes, in three minutes, someone could abduct your children. Did you put up a sign that said, "I'll be back in three minutes?" How was anyone who noticed your unattended children supposed to know when (or if) you'd be back? Rant away. Depending on a number of variables, I might have made the call. :tongue_smilie: Edit: Okay, I see they are 2nd graders, so about 7 or at the most 8? Yeah, I hate to tell you this, but probably most people would call if they saw two 7 year olds alone in a car. I might, but that would depend on many factors. I agree with you, in a way, though -- you are the parent, assessing the risk of "running in and out" to mail the FedEx. Sheesh! Can you not ever just get an errand done, already? I would think that, too, honestly. And then I would take my girls in with me. Yes, every stinking where. I do know, SKL, I drag around three girls everywhere I go. It's tiring. I'm just saying that leaving them unattended has a risk in two ways -- one, that something bad will happen to them, and two, that you will be confronted with situations like the police check-up. Sorry about your rough day. :grouphug: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted August 13, 2013 Author Share Posted August 13, 2013 Yes, I know some people are irresponsible. One in a million. A lot more people are irresponsible while driving, but they haven't outlawed that yet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted August 13, 2013 Share Posted August 13, 2013 I have to admit that I would have been the Starbucks Lady. :blush: But I would have milled around your car for at least 10 minutes or so before I called the police, hoping you would come back so I wouldn't have to call -- and also covertly keeping an eye on the kids to be sure they were safe. I can't imagine how someone would have seen you get out of the car and walk into FedEx (which was apparently right near where you'd parked,) and immediately phone the authorities. That seems kind of odd to me. If she hadn't seen you get out of the car and just happened to notice two small children alone in a car at night, I can definitely understand why she would have called the police. In any case, thank goodness you have such a responsive police force! I would have been very pleased to know that the officer responded so quickly, and also that he was reasonable and understood that you'd only been gone for a moment. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsheresomewhere Posted August 13, 2013 Share Posted August 13, 2013 I have to admit that I would have been the Starbucks Lady. :blush: But I would have milled around your car for at least 10 minutes or so before I called the police, hoping you would come back so I wouldn't have to call -- and also covertly keeping an eye on the kids to be sure they were safe. I can't imagine how someone would have seen you get out of the car and walk into FedEx (which was apparently right near where you'd parked,) and immediately phone the authorities. That seems kind of odd to me. If she hadn't seen you get out of the car and just happened to notice two small children alone in a car at night, I can definitely understand why she would have called the police. In any case, thank goodness you have such a responsive police force! I would have been very pleased to know that the officer responded so quickly, and also that he was reasonable and understood that you'd only been gone for a moment. :iagree: How does one get in and out of fedex in three minutes? That is an impressive fedex. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twoxcell Posted August 13, 2013 Share Posted August 13, 2013 You weren't detained. Your children weren't harmed. They made sure the children were safe and then left. I think you are overreacting. :iagree: Um yeah. I don't leave any of my kids alone in the car so....... :leaving: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NicAnn Posted August 13, 2013 Share Posted August 13, 2013 :iagree: How does one get in and out of fedex in three minutes? That is an impressive fedex. I just print the label off at home and hand the package to the guy at the counter. I'm usually out of there before the door as even closed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scrub Jay Posted August 13, 2013 Share Posted August 13, 2013 Honestly, I'm thankful for people like her. I would much rather someone be inconvenienced than have a stranger ignore a possible safety issue with children. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted August 13, 2013 Author Share Posted August 13, 2013 A little factoid: a lot more kids are run over in parking lots / driveways than those who die while left in cars. And the risk of kidnapping in this situation is basically nonexistent. The car was locked and I had the key. Sick of parents being treated like idiots incapable of making a basic decision for their kids. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted August 13, 2013 Share Posted August 13, 2013 I'm not sure why you are so upset about this. :confused: It seems to be a case of everyone trying to do the right thing. The woman was worried about young children being left alone in a car at night, and the policeman was just doing his job (and he didn't harass you or anything.) Perhaps you should be relieved that it was a kind stranger and a responsible police officer who were watching out for your kids. I understand that you were only gone for a few minutes, but you don't seem to want to recognize that the person who notified the police had no idea how long the children had been there or whether or not you were coming back soon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twoxcell Posted August 13, 2013 Share Posted August 13, 2013 A little factoid: a lot more kids are run over in parking lots / driveways than those who die while left in cars. So what if said kids decide mom is taking to long and hop out of the car to go find her? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted August 13, 2013 Author Share Posted August 13, 2013 Again, it was 8:30pm, and it was absolutely impossible for my kids to get overheated in that car. Anyone with the brains required to dial a phone would know that. I'm glad all you people are so thankful for busybodies. People should use their brains before calling the police on someone. A person who really cared about others would never have called police without giving the parent a few minutes to come back to the car. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted August 13, 2013 Share Posted August 13, 2013 So what if said kids decide mom is taking to long and hop out of the car to go find her? Or accidentally disengage the emergency brake? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dustybug Posted August 13, 2013 Share Posted August 13, 2013 Yeah, I hate to tell you this, but probably most people would call if they saw two 7 year olds alone in a car. I might, but that would depend on many factors. I agree with you, in a way, though -- you are the parent, assessing the risk of "running in and out" to mail the FedEx. Sheesh! Can you not ever just get an errand done, already? I would think that, too, honestly. And then I would take my girls in with me. Yes, every stinking where. I do know, SKL, I drag around three girls everywhere I go. It's tiring. I'm just saying that leaving them unattended has a risk in two ways -- one, that something bad will happen to them, and two, that you will be confronted with situations like the police check-up. Sorry about your rough day. :grouphug: This. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scrub Jay Posted August 13, 2013 Share Posted August 13, 2013 And if you hadn't come back and something bad had happened to your children then the Starbucks woman would've been the bad guy who didn't call the cops when she had observed a possible safety issue with children involved. She erred on the side of caution. Good for her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted August 13, 2013 Author Share Posted August 13, 2013 So what if said kids decide mom is taking to long and hop out of the car to go find her? My kids would not do that. I told them what to do and they know to stay in the car. As a parent, I know what I can trust my kids to do and not do. Especially within a window of 3 minutes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted August 13, 2013 Share Posted August 13, 2013 I've left my kids in the car for short errands and (at other times) I've had people show concern for my kids when they were actually fine. I thanked them for caring. It didn't upset me or my kids and I was soon on off doing my own thing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scrub Jay Posted August 13, 2013 Share Posted August 13, 2013 But they are kids. Kids don't always do exactly what we say. Even kids who usually do. They're human. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twoxcell Posted August 13, 2013 Share Posted August 13, 2013 Again, it was 8:30pm, and it was absolutely impossible for my kids to get overheated in that car. Anyone with the brains required to dial a phone would know that. I'm glad all you people are so thankful for busybodies. People should use their brains before calling the police on someone. A person who really cared about others would never have called police without giving the parent a few minutes to come back to the car. I don't think you need to insult anyone's intelligence here. :confused1: I think you need to take a breather. :chillpill: I'm sure it was frustrating to see a police officer but I doubt he wished you ill will. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted August 13, 2013 Share Posted August 13, 2013 Again, it was 8:30pm, and it was absolutely impossible for my kids to get overheated in that car. Anyone with the brains required to dial a phone would know that. I'm glad all you people are so thankful for busybodies. People should use their brains before calling the police on someone. A person who really cared about others would never have called police without giving the parent a few minutes to come back to the car. I definitely agree with you that the person should have waited at least a few minutes before calling the police, if it was possible. As I mentioned in my earlier post, I would probably waited about 10 minutes or so before I called, but maybe the woman was in a hurry and couldn't wait around for you to come back and didn't feel right about not calling it in. Or maybe you were a few minutes longer than you thought you were. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted August 13, 2013 Share Posted August 13, 2013 Or accidentally disengage the emergency brake? But a car with an automatic transmission generally won't roll. Not even downhill. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twoxcell Posted August 13, 2013 Share Posted August 13, 2013 My kids would not do that. I told them what to do and they know to stay in the car. As a parent, I know what I can trust my kids to do and not do. Especially within a window of 3 minutes. Um ok. Well I'm sure many parents have thought the same thing before. Children are unpredictable. ;) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted August 13, 2013 Share Posted August 13, 2013 And if you hadn't come back and something bad had happened to your children then the Starbucks woman would've been the bad guy who didn't call the cops when she had observed a possible safety issue with children involved. She erred on the side of caution. Good for her. Not to mention that she never would have forgiven herself if she hadn't called and something horrible had happened. FWIW, I think it takes a lot more courage to make the call to the police than it does to walk away without doing anything. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sahamamama Posted August 13, 2013 Share Posted August 13, 2013 Again, it was 8:30pm, and it was absolutely impossible for my kids to get overheated in that car. Anyone with the brains required to dial a phone would know that. I'm glad all you people are so thankful for busybodies. People should use their brains before calling the police on someone. A person who really cared about others would never have called police without giving the parent a few minutes to come back to the car. So is she supposed to mill around and keep an eye on your children until you return? What if she had to be some place, and didn't have time to wait on you? Perhaps she only had time to make a call, but not to wait around for a parent to return to unattended 7 year olds. How do you even know it was the Starbucks lady? :confused1: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted August 13, 2013 Author Share Posted August 13, 2013 And if you hadn't come back and something bad had happened to your children then the Starbucks woman would've been the bad guy who didn't call the cops when she had observed a possible safety issue with children involved. She erred on the side of caution. Good for her. What possible safety issue? Some families live in cars and they don't die. There is nothing unsafe about sitting in a locked car when the weather is fine and there is no sun. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lara in Colo Posted August 13, 2013 Share Posted August 13, 2013 There has to be a happy medium. Can't children be taught to sit for 5 minutes without causing the car to explode? This is the type of reasoning that causes our children to never grow up. We wonder why we are so tired all the time--- because we keep our children "safe" by never allowing them them any perceived dangers-- so we do everything for them and take them with us all the time. Children at 8 yrs old 100 yrs ago could be left at home, with younger children, and a gun to ward off intruders. Now we cannot leave them in a locked car, 50 ft from mom, for 5 minutes? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twoxcell Posted August 13, 2013 Share Posted August 13, 2013 Not to mention that she never would have forgiven herself if she hadn't called and something horrible had happened. FWIW, I think it takes a lot more courage to make the call to the police than it does to walk away without doing anything. Tell me about it. I had to call the cops on some neighbor boys who were climbing in and out of the dog door on a vacant rental behind me. It was extremely stressful for me especially having to drag my kids a couple of blocks to ID the 8 year old boys in front of their parents. :huh: Not exactly my idea of fun. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scrub Jay Posted August 13, 2013 Share Posted August 13, 2013 What possible safety issue? Some families live in cars and they don't die. There is nothing unsafe about sitting in a locked car when the weather is fine and there is no sun. How would she know it was locked? And there have been stories about cars being stolen with children inside. It may be rare but it happens. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted August 13, 2013 Share Posted August 13, 2013 What possible safety issue? Some families live in cars and they don't die. There is nothing unsafe about sitting in a locked car when the weather is fine and there is no sun. I'm sorry, but two little kids sitting alone in a car at night is a safety issue. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChocolateReignRemix Posted August 13, 2013 Share Posted August 13, 2013 I don't believe your story based on the timeline you provided. It seems odd that a call could be made and the police dispatched to that location in 3 minutes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mamajag Posted August 13, 2013 Share Posted August 13, 2013 Why are you and your children so afraid of a well check by a police officer? What is that teaching your kids, exactly? My kids have rarely had interactions with the police, but they've all been positive. I got pulled over for speeding (totally guilty) by the town's most notorious ticket writer and my youngest daughter was excited when the officer walked up and said, "Mommy, look! It's a police officer. Hello, Sir." I thought it odd when he told me he was just going to give me a warning since I raised my kid to respect police. Maybe it is as rare as he said? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted August 13, 2013 Share Posted August 13, 2013 There has to be a happy medium. Can't children be taught to sit for 5 minutes without causing the car to explode? This is the type of reasoning that causes our children to never grow up. We wonder why we are so tired all the time--- because we keep our children "safe" by never allowing them them any perceived dangers-- so we do everything for them and take them with us all the time. Children at 8 yrs old 100 yrs ago could be left at home, with younger children, and a gun to ward off intruders. Now we cannot leave them in a locked car, 50 ft from mom, for 5 minutes? I think the issue here is that the woman who called the police may not have known whether the kids had been in the car for 5 minutes or 5 hours. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sahamamama Posted August 13, 2013 Share Posted August 13, 2013 What possible safety issue? Some families live in cars and they don't die. There is nothing unsafe about sitting in a locked car when the weather is fine and there is no sun. Little girls alone is the safety issue, SKL, not the car, locked or unlocked. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThisIsTheDay Posted August 13, 2013 Share Posted August 13, 2013 I'm glad all you people are so thankful for busybodies. People should use their brains before calling the police on someone. A person who really cared about others would never have called police without giving the parent a few minutes to come back to the car. Somehow I think they would not be so thankful if someone called the police on them for an imagined problem. Or called CPS to check up on their homeschool. I don't think I've ever read here of someone saying, "My nosy next door neighbor called CPS on my homeschool because my kids were outside at 10:00 a.m. and not doing school. But I'm glad there is someone else watching out for them. After calmly explaining to the social worker why my kids were outside, I also reassured my children that they were lucky so many other people out there cared for them." If the Starbucks lady *really* wanted to do something helpful, she could have just continued to drink her coffee while watching your car until you came out of FedEx. Because you know she sat there and watched anyway. And I wish all of these people who are so helpful would go into my library and call the police on the countless 3 and 4 year olds that parents are perfectly content to drop off at the children's computers so they can go internet date on the adult computers. And what about if you watch for 7 years old who actually WALK HOME FROM SCHOOL. :confused1: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nestof3 Posted August 13, 2013 Share Posted August 13, 2013 I understand you are upset. Nothing horrible really happened other than embarrassment, but I think it's funny that people don't blink an eye at second graders riding bikes unattended through neighborhoods, walking to school alone, etc. but freak out when they are locked in a car for a few minutes. I'd love to see the number of child abductions that occur in vehicles within 10 minutes of being unattended. My kids are unattended for at least that long everytime I shower. I wouldn't have called the cops. I would have watched the vehicle while sipping my coffee as a good neighbor to make sure all was fine. People in general are overly scared these days -- watching Criminal Minds doesn't help (yes, I watch this too). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted August 13, 2013 Share Posted August 13, 2013 I don't believe your story based on the timeline you provided. It seems odd that a call could be made and the police dispatched to that location in 3 minutes.Having been a police officer I can tell you it is a matter of chance. There never seems to be one around when one needs a LEO. But there are those rare moments when a LEO is half a block away. He could have been headed to Starbucks for a coffee prior to the call going out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted August 13, 2013 Author Share Posted August 13, 2013 Well folks, if I really thought a kid was in danger, I would have stayed a little while. I'm really surprised so many people would welcome having a cop called on them for nothing. No there was nothing my kids could have done to hurt themselves or the car, since I had the key. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted August 13, 2013 Share Posted August 13, 2013 But a car with an automatic transmission generally won't roll. Not even downhill. Maybe but I could see someone being worried about the possibility. . Like I said up thread somewhere I've done the same thing. It was not illegal in my state and I was confident that I wasn't being negligent. If someone had called it in, I would have calmly explained that and would not have been upset or flustered. At least in my neighborhood, unless you are breaking the law, the policeman is our friend. I just don't think it is that big a deal. Someone cared about the well-being of children. I think that is something to be grateful for. I don't think the person who called was out of bounds. It doesn't sound like the police officer was out of bounds. The reaction. . . . yeah, it seems a bit over the top. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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