Yet another family member...

[Halcyon]

has told me she thinks my oldest needs to be in public school, and that I am homeschooling to "meet my own needs and for self-gratification." :( Yes, my son is going on 11 and is working through some feelings of anger and emotional growing pains and everything that goes along with growing up. He expressed some of these feelings to her which I thought was mature and wonderful. My DH and I talk with him about how he is feeling, are receptive and try to be understanding.

 

Why is homeschooling always "the culprit"? And how is public school "the answer"?

 

I am so disheartened right now I could cry.

 

ETA: DH thinks I should ignore her, says she doesnt even have kids, doesnt live near us, sees the kids twice a year. He's probably right, but it's not easy given my Dad said something similar a couple of weeks ago.

[Twinmom]

A stupid comment like that could only come from someone who doesn't understand homeschooling. Let it roll right off your back like you were a wet duck! Every single kid goes through those growing pains, homeschooled or not. Pick the right educational process for YOUR child and keep on trucking!

 

Hugs...so sorry. I'm sure it hurt, but I'm equally sure she was wrong.

 

ETA: thought about this for a minute, and realized how deeply wrong she was...homeschooling rarely meets the MOMMA'S needs...it is usually a huge self sacrifice on her part. For me, it would be a whole lot easier to ship them off to school so I could do my own thing during the day...the homeschool Momma's needs are often put aside in homeschooling, not catered to. For goodness sake...:(

[Halcyon]

Thanks Twinmom. Some of her comments hit close to home, so I am doubting myself but at the same time, feel that we are doing right by our children. I just wish I knew why HOMESCHOOLING was so OBVIOUSLY the problem here. ???

[elegantlion]

When ds was having some learning issues, a relative told me I should just put him in school, they have people to deal with that. Her implication was they are the experts and how dare you try to fix this on your own.

 

I read a lot of the situation, talked to homeschooling parents who had BTDT, found some processes for intervention and dealt with it.

 

On a side note, about that age I set up this scenario. Ds and my mom are best buddies. I told him if there was anything he wanted to talk about, but not with us, he has my full permission to discuss it with her. She doesn't have to tell me (she will if it's anything serious). I think it's important for kids to have an outlet outside the immediate family to talk. My parents fully support homeschooling, so I never get the "school would fix it". I didn't have to be a relative, but I think kids need a safe place to vent too.

[Zebra]

She's insane. And mean.

[Lizzie in Ma]

No one who doesn't have kids is taken seriously in the advice department in our house. It's a "pass the bean dip conversation".

YOU know you are doing right by your kids and you know, as a parent, that there will always be tough times.

I am sorry your family has been hurtful of late, I have a few that are stellar in their opinions about homeschooling. Do I take their comments seriously? Ummm, no. Is it hurtful when they make snide comments still? Absolutely.

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

[Ellie]

ETA: DH thinks I should ignore her, says she doesn't even have kids, doesn't live near us, sees the kids twice a year. He's probably right, but it's not easy given my Dad said something similar a couple of weeks ago.

 

Mr. Halcyon is a very smart man. :hurray: You should listen to him.

 

It's always harder when it's our family members who give us grief, because we love them and want their approval, but you know, they're not any smarter when it comes to homeschooling than strangers are...especially the ones who don't have kids, who don't live near us, and who only see our children twice a year. :001_smile:

 

:grouphug:

[Pod's mum]

Maybe agree.

A bit.

I've just been reflecting on how much I love being around my dd all day.

I am so glad that her sister spent most of her schooling at home.

My family is unsupportive too, but you know what? I DO love and enjoy my kids' company, and when they are not coping is when it most matters.

[JudoMom]

If she were here, I'd kick her in the shins for you.

 

Shame on her for speaking out of turn.

 

You're doing a great job.

[Halcyon]

Thanks everyone. I am really having a cr**py day for sure. :crying:

[JudoMom]

Thanks everyone. I am really having a cr**py day for sure. :crying:

 

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: I think you should go out in the sun and eat an ice cream cone. :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

[AimeeM]

I know it's easier said than done, but either ignore her or point out that (at this age) ALL kids (even those in public school) have the same problems (growing, emotions, etc)... the difference is that in public school they have 30 other kids in each class to feed off of (and make it worse).

[Starr]

I think often people who care about us want to fix everything or wish it wasn't hard for us. The school thing is something that is different from most people so they go for that. Of course they forget you have to go through developmental stages where ever you go to school. Make your list of why you are home schooling and I guess you'll see you don't think making changes is the best solution now. :grouphug:

[Cinder]

:grouphug: I have always gotten support from family members. Or at least nothing bad was said. Mil was doubtful at first but kept that to herself; she's a great mil. I have received unkind remarks from non-relatives, though. And someone I know did get a great load of grief from her mother when she told her they were going to homeschool.

 

Friend had been considering it for a few years but didn't think she could do it because she struggled through school herself. And this is what the mother harped on--how could she be qualified to teach her own kid when she had such difficulties herself. Her mother was very against it and made that very clear. But friend knew she had to pull her dc out as her oldest was having a terrible time with the other kids at school. So while she was a bit reluctant at first, she knew it was the right thing that her dc needed. And the dc are doing so well at home!

 

You and your dh know best what your ds needs. Stay strong!

[AimeeM]

Thanks Twinmom. Some of her comments hit close to home, so I am doubting myself but at the same time, feel that we are doing right by our children. I just wish I knew why HOMESCHOOLING was so OBVIOUSLY the problem here. ???

It's NOT. I can't tell you how many retired teacher friends I have who, after spending time teaching upper elementary, with 25+ kids hormones raging, have told me that it's just HORRIBLE... most kids this age go through these things.

FWIW, my daughter is going through the same right now. Some alien invader has taken over my sweet girl and I'm about ready to cry most days. Heck, I *do* cry many days. On Mother's Day, when my husband gave me a couple of presents, the boys were cooing and cuddling me, the most I got from my formerly sweet daughter was a half hearted air kiss, an eye roll, and sarcasm, before she ran off to her bedroom. My ONLY saving grace is knowing (as per other parents) that all of her age peer friends are going through the exact.same.thing right now - public school, private school, and homeschool.

[sassenach]

Bitter Homeshooler's Wishlist #20:

 

 

Stop saying that my kid is shy, outgoing, aggressive, anxious, quiet, boisterous, argumentative, pouty, fidgety, chatty, whiny, or loud because he's homeschooled. It's not fair that all the kids who go to school can be as annoying as they want to without being branded as representative of anything but childhood.

 

[Mom-ninja.]

Smile and say, "I don't remember asking for your opinion." Then change the subject.

[Baseball mom]

If she were here, I'd kick her in the shins for you.

Shame on her for speaking out of turn.

You're doing a great job.

 

:iagree:

[Alte Veste Academy]

Why is homeschooling always "the culprit"? And how is public school "the answer"?

 

Bitter Homeshooler's Wishlist #20:

Stop saying that my kid is shy, outgoing, aggressive, anxious, quiet, boisterous, argumentative, pouty, fidgety, chatty, whiny, or loud because he's homeschooled. It's not fair that all the kids who go to school can be as annoying as they want to without being branded as representative of anything but childhood.

 

Yep! I am just bull-headed and argumentative enough that I can't imagine anyone who knows me well wasting their breath saying something like this that to me, LOL, but this has always irked me too. I have had a few friends who have wondered if they should put their kid in school for this or that reason and my answer is always, "Oh sure! Because you know no one who attends school is (fill in the blank)." This with a :tongue_smilie: expression.

 

Halcyon, in your shoes, I would chuckle and say, "Yes, of course! After all, kids in public schools are well known for having warm relationships with their family! That will fix him right up!" Wink. Snort. Repeat chuckle, because this is ludicrous!

 

My feeling is that if their are relationship problems, work on the relationship. If there are organization problems, work on organization. If there are friend problems, work on ways to make and keep friends. And so on and so on and so on...

[Tammyla]

:grouphug: Big hug for you, and a Shrug for her...

 

Every child I've ever known has gone through growing pains regardless of where they get their education. If your ds was having the same issues and in ps; I'm 99.9% positive no one would suggest pulling him out and home schooling or private schooling him.

 

My advice (fwiw) take a deep breath and soldier on. Also expect as your children get older, more and more people in your life (even people at Walmart) will happily offer their unsolicited advice and opinions. You may need to develop a rhino-skin. kwim?

[I talk to the trees]

If she were here, I'd kick her in the shins for you.

 

Shame on her for speaking out of turn.

 

You're doing a great job.

 

:iagree: Under normal circumstances, I oppose violence, but it sounds like this gal needs a hearty dose of mind-your-own-business!

[Halcyon]

Bitter Homeshooler's Wishlist #20:

 

 

Stop saying that my kid is shy, outgoing, aggressive, anxious, quiet, boisterous, argumentative, pouty, fidgety, chatty, whiny, or loud because he's homeschooled. It's not fair that all the kids who go to school can be as annoying as they want to without being branded as representative of anything but childhood.

 

Thank you for this. She's managing to play on my own fears about homeschooling...and she's doing it perfectly.

[Halcyon]

Yep! I am just bull-headed and argumentative enough that I can't imagine anyone who knows me well wasting their breath saying something like this that to me, LOL, but this has always irked me too. I have had a few friends who have wondered if they should put their kid in school for this or that reason and my answer is always, "Oh sure! Because you know no one who attends school is (fill in the blank)." This with a :tongue_smilie: expression.

 

Halcyon, in your shoes, I would chuckle and say, "Yes, of course! After all, kids in public schools are well known for having warm relationships with their family! That will fix him right up!" Wink. Snort. Repeat chuckle, because this is ludicrous!

 

My feeling is that if their are relationship problems, work on the relationship. If there are organization problems, work on organization. If there are friend problems, work on ways to make and keep friends. And so on and so on and so on...

 

 

But you see, he DOES have a warm relationship with me! Lots of hugs and kisses, long talks together..we are very close. Yes, older DS and I have our moments when we clash--we are very similar, headstrong and opinionated. But I always tell him how much I love him, and he tells me the same. He is at the stage where he is trying to figure out who he is, what kind of person he wants to be, how much he can pull away from us yet still be CLOSE to us, what's "right" for him....all normal, IMO.

 

I guess that's why her comments bothered me so much. I don't see anything he is going through as unusual--and he is a warm, affectionate, helpful son to boot.

[Joanne]

_{{hugs}}

 

_{When I encourage homeschoolers who are "on the fence" or dealing with random, unsolicited advice, I remind them that whne you make a counter cultural decision, the *cultural* decision becomes the default standard and solution. This is especially true of home schooling when some "building" type of school is SO indoctrinated in our culture.}

 

_{Everything is filtered through the standard of "public school."}

 

_{Homeschoolers reinforce it when they answer the "socialization" question with a long list of activities used to support the idea that you are not some extreme, homesteading, homechurching, sheltering, exclusive nut. The problem is that we present a list of activities juxtaposed against an unspoken "public school" standard.}

 

_{I encourage moms to seek homeschooling solutions to their homeschooling problems. Other schooling solutions (often) are using the wrong tool for the project.}

[poppy]

Homeschooling isn't always the right answer, just like public schooling (obviously) isn't. It's a hard choice to make, to keep it up. You are making such an important decision for your child, have weighed it and talked about it and fretted about........ and then you have it questioned. It's natural it rattled you. But you know you have put more time into weighing the options, you know your kid better than anyone. Trust your instincts.

[Alte Veste Academy]

But you see, he DOES have a warm relationship with me! Lots of hugs and kisses, long talks together..we are very close. Yes, older DS and I have our moments when we clash--we are very similar, headstrong and opinionated. But I always tell him how much I love him, and he tells me the same. He is at the stage where he is trying to figure out who he is, what kind of person he wants to be, how much he can pull away from us yet still be CLOSE to us, what's "right" for him....all normal, IMO.

 

I guess that's why her comments bothered me so much. I don't see anything he is going through as unusual--and he is a warm, affectionate, helpful son to boot.

 

 

Oh, gosh, didn't mean to imply that you didn't. I used the word warm as a catch-all, sort of the antithesis of the feelings of anger and emotional growing pains, but of course it is not. I totally agree that these are normal, age-appropriate (and IMO even desirable as a sign of burgeoning independence) expressions for his age.

[bettyandbob]

I finally had to tell my sister that I wouldn't point out that her dd had learned in ps to be mean to younger kids if she would quit pointing out that my hsed children didn't know how to play kickball and were thus doomed to a life of failure!

 

 

Your dc don't know how to play kickball?!! OMG. You really messed them up. It's a miracle they've accomplished the things they have.

[JNW]

I have an idea. Let's just all stay on the path we're on and be happy about it, without "meddling in other people's affairs!," as Marilla Cuthbert once said. That is one way to live a peaceful, joyful life and to not ruin someone else's day.

[Halcyon]

I dont know. It really took the wind out of my sails at a time when there wasnt much wind in them to begin with.

 

 

[bettyandbob]

I dont know. It really took the wind out of my sails at a time when there wasnt much wind in them to begin with.

 

 

You and your ds are having a difficult time so your vulnerable to anything anyone says. It wouldn't have to be about homeschooling. "ds wouldn't be like this if you would just let him do Y (run in the street, go to sleepovers, play club soccer, stop going to church, any other parenting choice)"

 

:grouphug:

 

You'll get through whatever you need to get through and you know it's not about homeschooling.

[Lilaclady]

I think generally people like to have something to blame. If your child was in ps she would have said it was your are to style or something or another. It is hard though when you are already feeling down to have that thrown at you but you just have to be strong and carry on. :grouphug:

 

[zoobie]

I'm sorry she hurt your feelings. Sounds like a situation tailor made for caller ID.

 

I'm assuming her only qualifications for giving advice is that she's nosy with a complete lack of boundaries and manners.

[Catwoman]

Your dh is right.

 

Your family member is clueless.

 

Continue with life as usual.

 

:grouphug:

[Catwoman]

I am doubting myself but at the same time, feel that we are doing right by our children.

 

Reported.

 

Again.

 

We're being inundated by morons tonight.

 

Well, OK, we're being inundated by one moron who is trying to be clever and pretend to be lots of new members.

 

I feel sorry for the moderators. They shouldn't have to keep dealing with these idiots.

 

I'm starting to wonder if there should be some sort of application process for membership. All of this spam has to be a real pain for the powers-that-be.

[PentecostalMom]

Your dc don't know how to play kickball?!! OMG. You really messed them up. It's a miracle they've accomplished the things they have.

 

This made me :lol: :lol: :lol: !

 

I have an idea. Let's just all stay on the path we're on and be happy about it, without "meddling in other people's affairs!," as Marilla Cuthbert once said. That is one way to live a peaceful, joyful life and to not ruin someone else's day.

 

Yes, but some people live to stir up trouble, criticize others and try to build themselves up by being mean. Unfortunately.

 

I dont know. It really took the wind out of my sails at a time when there wasnt much wind in them to begin with.

 

I kwym. I have one SIL who has never given birth, yet continues to tell me how to do so (she adopted). I have another SIL (yes, they are sisters) who gives me unsolicited advice on how to raise my dc (she is unmarried at the tender age of 37 and has no kids - oh and still lives with her mommy, yes, she also calls her mommy). And then there's my fabulous MIL, who continues to make me feel like hsing is crazy and that the kids need to be in school. She does this by purposefully ignoring me and "making nice" with a younger girl (she is an adult but younger than me) at church who thinks she is the greatest thing since sliced bread and will not hs her dc because my MIL thinks it is not a good thing. Amazing how easily swayed people are!!

 

Talk to people who think (know) you are on the right path, that this is perfectly normal for his age, and that will build you up instead of tearing you down! :grouphug:

[Snow]

ETA: DH thinks I should ignore her, says she doesnt even have kids, doesnt live near us, sees the kids twice a year.

 

 

I was a parenting genius and should have written a book...before I had children.

 

It was a ridiculous thing for her to say. Consider your sons needs, yes, but not because of her comments.