"Focus."...."Please focus."..."Focus!!!"..."FOCUS!!!!"

[Halcyon]

Seriously, this is all I say. All. Darn. Day. to my 10 year old. Every 3 minutes he has stopped working to either a) pet the dog B) goof with his brother c) pick his toe nails d) look out the window e) get a snack f) get a glass of water g) go to the bathroom h) doodle. It took his 97 minutes today to write one and a half paragraphs.

 

:banghead:

[jkwynn]

Same. Here. (mine's 11)

[mom2scouts]

Yep, here too. My 10 year old does all of the above (except we have a bunny instead of a dog) and my dd has to dance every few minutes. Spring fever is NOT helping either.

[Hunter]

If you are saying something that many times, it some cases, it means the student doesn't think he MUST to do it.

[amsunshine]

Yes, we have this problem too. Many times, my dds decide to start chatting. What seems to help is putting time limits on various tasks, and then, if they do not finish at the end of the requisite time frames, the rest of the work can be finished after dinner as "homework".

[Halcyon]

If you are saying something that many times, it some cases, it means the student doesn't think he MUST to do it.

 

'

But he must. He is not allowed to move on until the moderate amount of work assigned is complete. Anything not finished by 2 must be done in aftersschool or for homework, which he abhors. And yes, this is enforced.

 

How do I make focusing a "must"? :bigear:

[jeninok]

Are you absolutely positive there aren't any attention or learning issues going on?

 

Otherwise I don't know, yesterday DS spent 20 minutes using a calculator to add up a series of 8 large numbers for a graph reading activity. 20 minutes with a calculator. :banghead: The fun part is that he didn't actually need them added, for any reason, he just didn't take the time to think through the instructions.

 

He has ADD but this is on medication, without it a complicated graph/table/reading exercise would have caused a full on meltdown of epic proportions.

[Arboreal TJ]

Too funny, we are working on character traits, today I introduces "attentive." I had lots of opportunities to point a lack of attentiveness!

[Critterfixer]

Sounds like standard boy stuff to me.

I'd time him. Instead of saying Focus, give him a set time to focus on the task at hand (what you think should be adequate, minus about five minutes) and when time's up, time's up. Moving on to the next task.

I don't know about you, but I can force myself to pay attention to something that I don't want to pay attention to for about thirty minutes, but I've had lots of practice with my boys. After that, my attention isn't worth anything.

What does work is to focus for a short time, and if things just aren't going well, break it and go to something else. Come back to the task later. Maybe much later.

 

It's important that he doesn't waste YOUR time. You've got only a set amount of time to teach. When that teaching time is done, it's done. He doesn't get to waste your time by goofing around. He can waste HIS time. He can do that assignment when he would be playing around on the computer, watching television, reading his fun books, playing outside, etc. But he should not be able to control the pace of your teaching day by goofing off. No stress. Knock that puck right back on his side of the red line and make him go chase it down.

[Karen in CO]

So you exercise him before school and in between subjects? Has he had enough protein? Was he always like this or is it new?

 

btw - he doesn't hear you when you repeat yourself. It only irritates you.

 

I know it is hard, but it does get better.

 

For both of my kids that have survived that stage so far, besides exercise and food, I reduced the number of things they were doing and tried to find things they could get lost in. For a topic they were immersed in, they could focus for a whole day without a reminder. It may have been cheating for me, but it saved my sanity and didn't hurt either one of them.

[Alte Veste Academy]

So you exercise him before school and in between subjects? Has he had enough protein? Was he always like this or is it new?

 

btw - he doesn't hear you when you repeat yourself. It only irritates you.

 

I know it is hard, but it does get better.

 

For both of my kids that have survived that stage so far, besides exercise and food, I reduced the number of things they were doing and tried to find things they could get lost in. For a topic they were immersed in, they could focus for a whole day without a reminder. It may have been cheating for me, but it saved my sanity and didn't hurt either one of them.

 

I loved your whole post but I especially like the boded, and it makes me :lol:. My DS10 does hear me when I make the mistake of repeating myself, but only because he seems to get enjoyment out of it. "Dance, Mom-puppet! Dance!" :tongue_smilie: You can even see his mind brewing via the twinkle in his eye.... I now drink a lot of iced tea acting like I just couldn't care less. :lol: He straightens up faster. Reminds me of a line in Switch: How to Change Things When Change Is Hard. "Shamu didn't learn to jump through a hoop because her trainer was b!tching at her. She learned because she had a trainer who was patient and focused and reinforced every step at the journey." Not saying you are not calm, Halcyon. I just know I was not. Now I just refuse to put on a show for his amusement. I state and enforce consequences. That's it.

[Dmmetler]

Where I have a hard time is where she goes on tangents. So her Athena's Academy lesson sent her to the National Geographic website to read about Dolphins-along with about 10 other things to do, and I went to do laundry since usually she has no trouble doing that sort of stuff on her own. When I came back, 45 minutes later, she was still on National Geographic, happily reading about all sorts of animals and interesting topics, totally having forgotten that she was doing an assignment. She did the same thing on her online math. If I don't sit right by her, she'll happily keep going, but without actually completing anything on her assignment sheet. I'm not sure whether to applaud her initiative and figure she's learning independently, or whether to sit by her and keep her on task-but recognize that she usually won't go back and explore all those neat links if she doesn't do so when they capture her attention.

[Alte Veste Academy]

What's been working for me lately with math is I give him his MM workbook and tell him what he needs to finish and walk out of the room. He actually gets it done much faster than if I'm sitting there. I realize this cannot go on forever but it's working for now.

 

I've also been bad and have been bringing my phone into school with me. It gives me something to do while he is dawdling. It's part if an experiment to give him as much time as he needs without telling him to focus constantly. I found my getting frustrated and pressuring him didn't help, so for now I'm playing the patient teacher. I can't say we're getting school done in record time, but at least I'm not super frustrated and he's not feeling like he has to resist me due to pressure.

 

Yes! Walking out of the room! My oldest's poor behavior feeds on an audience, and walking away deprives him of the reason for continuing with the behavior. I am starting to give him more independent work and, in the beginning, I was just a distraction and crutch...not to mention some kind of black hole where time wasting was concerned.

[Alte Veste Academy]

Where I have a hard time is where she goes on tangents. So her Athena's Academy lesson sent her to the National Geographic website to read about Dolphins-along with about 10 other things to do, and I went to do laundry since usually she has no trouble doing that sort of stuff on her own. When I came back, 45 minutes later, she was still on National Geographic, happily reading about all sorts of animals and interesting topics, totally having forgotten that she was doing an assignment. She did the same thing on her online math. If I don't sit right by her, she'll happily keep going, but without actually completing anything on her assignment sheet. I'm not sure whether to applaud her initiative and figure she's learning independently, or whether to sit by her and keep her on task-but recognize that she usually won't go back and explore all those neat links if she doesn't do so when they capture her attention.

 

That's a tough one because I guess the Athena's lesson must be done? Other than that, I would be happy with the self-starting, honest to goodness engagement.

[Mommy22alyns]

Ugh, this sounds familiar to me too. Sometimes I wonder if anyone's home. :confused1:

[fraidycat]

We have the same issue here. Cats, snacks, water, etc.

[DragonFaerie]

Where I have a hard time is where she goes on tangents. So her Athena's Academy lesson sent her to the National Geographic website to read about Dolphins-along with about 10 other things to do, and I went to do laundry since usually she has no trouble doing that sort of stuff on her own. When I came back, 45 minutes later, she was still on National Geographic, happily reading about all sorts of animals and interesting topics, totally having forgotten that she was doing an assignment. She did the same thing on her online math. If I don't sit right by her, she'll happily keep going, but without actually completing anything on her assignment sheet. I'm not sure whether to applaud her initiative and figure she's learning independently, or whether to sit by her and keep her on task-but recognize that she usually won't go back and explore all those neat links if she doesn't do so when they capture her attention.

 

 

I have this problem, too. I can't keep DS focused to save both our lives. Then whenever he has to get on the computer to research something or whatever, he gets side tracked and his "research" can take hours. I hate to make him stop when he's learning about something interesting to him, but he's got a whole pile of schoolwork that still isn't done. Ugh!

[Critterfixer]

Where I have a hard time is where she goes on tangents. So her Athena's Academy lesson sent her to the National Geographic website to read about Dolphins-along with about 10 other things to do, and I went to do laundry since usually she has no trouble doing that sort of stuff on her own. When I came back, 45 minutes later, she was still on National Geographic, happily reading about all sorts of animals and interesting topics, totally having forgotten that she was doing an assignment. She did the same thing on her online math. If I don't sit right by her, she'll happily keep going, but without actually completing anything on her assignment sheet. I'm not sure whether to applaud her initiative and figure she's learning independently, or whether to sit by her and keep her on task-but recognize that she usually won't go back and explore all those neat links if she doesn't do so when they capture her attention.

 

 

See, this is why I'm glad I have boys. My mother and I fought huge battles over this when I was young. Only then we didn't have computers. It was books. She'd come in to see how I was doing in my Saxon Math, only to find that I'd pulled out her old college literature textbook and was reading it cover to cover. I suspect I'd learned somewhere that in order to avoid appearing to be wasting time or avoiding work, just work on something else. Didn't fly with Mom though, and we drove each other mad.

I don't know what I'd do if it was my own daughter doing the same thing I did. I was a stinker.

 

I think what I would do in that situation is to make sure that the assignment and the research are done at different times. I might pad the research time for exploration, but make it clear that when the loud, obnoxious fog-horn timer goes off, the research is done. Then the assignment is done in a more controlled area along with plenty of time for discussion of the tangents as well as the research proper.

I've found for myself, as I've gotten older, that often I go off on tangents of exploration when I feel that my own personal time is being stolen away. So I steal time from someone or something else. Having a set time for my activities that are for my own enjoyment is key to keeping me from wasting time. If I know I've got my hour of reading at seven, I'll be sure that my chores are done so that I can get my tea and curl up with my book. I stay on task better when I know I've scheduled my play-time so to speak.

 

So many things just seem to come down to time. Carving out blocks of it for work and play, giving time for others, respecting people's time, being on time, appreciating time...

I wish I'd known that growing up. But probably I was told and didn't have the time to listen. :willy_nilly: (They didn't call me Mr. Toad without a good reason!)

[SebastianCat]

Are you sure my kids weren't at your house today? "Cause I seem to say the same things over and over a lot lately.

 

Having a new puppy, and having only 6 weeks left in school, doesn't help. I'm ready for summer vacation.

[Mama Anna]

And here I was hoping dd9 would be growing out of this stage soon!

 

<sigh of resignation>

 

Mama Anna

[lewelma]

I have put my son in training. We started with a 5 minute buzzer and something easy to do. All snacks, water, toilet, jumping had to be done before the buzzer. Then for those 5 minutes he worked as hard as he could. Then he had 5 minutes for snacks, water, toilet, and jumping. Then the next 5 minute work-as-hard-as-you-can buzzer. etc. It was a game. 3 buzzers = 15 minute break, then rinse and repeat.

 

Then it was 8 minutes, then 10, right now we are on 15 minutes. And might stay here for a month.

 

I consider it a training issue. I am very Charlotte Mason about this one. It is a habit you must train.

 

Ruth in NZ

[bobbeym]

We fight this battle every.single.day. And my boy is almost 15. The only way to get anything done is to stand over him and constantly draw his attention back to what he's supposed to be doing.

[jenn-]

I have one of these. I can tell him all day long to focus on his work. The only thing I have found that has helped us is making him do a lot of work out loud. If I don't hear numbers being spoken during math, I know he isn't doing it. The fastest way for him to get through it is if I am literally reading the numbers to him, but that isn't always feasible.

[violamama]

I'm commenting because I am singing AMEN while stomping my feet and doing jazz hands. I don't have time to read all this and want to be sure I do it later with a glass of wine and maybe husband rubbing my feet.

 

In our house it sounds like this:

What's your job right now?

What should you be doing?

Where are your eyes?

What do you need to do right now?

 

And... repeat until your brain bleeds.....

[MiniBlondes]

btw - he doesn't hear you when you repeat yourself. It only irritates you.

 

 

 

 

I recently figured this out myself. So now I will repeat myself exactly once. After that I start taking time off bedtime. Funny, they hear that immediately. :lol:

[Education Explorers]

I have put my son in training. We started with a 5 minute buzzer and something easy to do. All snacks, water, toilet, jumping had to be done before the buzzer. Then for those 5 minutes he worked as hard as he could. Then he had 5 minutes for snacks, water, toilet, and jumping. Then the next 5 minute work-as-hard-as-you-can buzzer. etc. It was a game. 3 buzzers = 15 minute break, then rinse and repeat.

 

Then it was 8 minutes, then 10, right now we are on 15 minutes. And might stay here for a month.

 

I consider it a training issue. I am very Charlotte Mason about this one. It is a habit you must train.

 

Ruth in NZ

 

 

I'd be willing to try this. Heck, I'd be willing to try just about anything. My son has NO focus. It drives him crazy and me too. I'm beginning to think about medicating him. He is constantly off in la-la-land. We have resisted meds, it was one of the main reasons we chose to HS because we knew he would be lost in school. He doesn't jump up or run around, he just instantly goes off into another world.

[Guest cmunoz]

I had this problem when I was homeschooling through middle school. My mom eventually stepped out of the way with making me do certain subjects in her time. I had a list of subjects/assignments to complete for the week. I had her schedule or list of appropriate times to discuss things and I had to figure out the rest. It usually worked out that I would do all the work I could in the morning on my own, and we would have a discussion or experiment, etc in the afternoon, sometimes lasting through the evening with breaks so I could go think about the conversation. It taught me to manage my time and focus too!

[PhotoGal]

We have this issue around here, too. Some days are just bad days for sustained attention. I wish there was a way to know in advance what days would be like this so I could plan for them! I haven't been able to find a pattern or anything.

 

Sometimes I have to switch out what we are doing and save that task for first thing the next day (when usually focus is better).

[Ellie]

Sounds like standard boy stuff to me.

But people have shared the exact same thing about their daughters. :001_smile:

[Ellie]

I have put my son in training. We started with a 5 minute buzzer and something easy to do. All snacks, water, toilet, jumping had to be done before the buzzer. Then for those 5 minutes he worked as hard as he could. Then he had 5 minutes for snacks, water, toilet, and jumping. Then the next 5 minute work-as-hard-as-you-can buzzer. etc. It was a game. 3 buzzers = 15 minute break, then rinse and repeat.

 

Then it was 8 minutes, then 10, right now we are on 15 minutes. And might stay here for a month.

 

I consider it a training issue. I am very Charlotte Mason about this one. It is a habit you must train.

 

Ruth in NZ

 

This is the best idea I've seen yet. :thumbup:

[violamama]

And if you set the timer but the focus still isn't there?

[sewingmama]

I have put my son in training. We started with a 5 minute buzzer and something easy to do. All snacks, water, toilet, jumping had to be done before the buzzer. Then for those 5 minutes he worked as hard as he could. Then he had 5 minutes for snacks, water, toilet, and jumping. Then the next 5 minute work-as-hard-as-you-can buzzer. etc. It was a game. 3 buzzers = 15 minute break, then rinse and repeat.

 

Then it was 8 minutes, then 10, right now we are on 15 minutes. And might stay here for a month.

 

I consider it a training issue. I am very Charlotte Mason about this one. It is a habit you must train.

 

Ruth in NZ

 

 

I did this with my kids...worked like a charm. I don't even have to set the buzzer anymore now. They can work about 20 minutes without distraction now...which is how long our lessons last. They will often say... Mum can I have a drink after this lesson is finished. They know they can't just wander off in the middle of it.

 

How do you get them to focus? You tell them they won't get a drink or a snack or a break till its done. I don't allow my kids to eat while we are learning...they have to wait till we are done.

 

Also...we don't have any pets lol.

 

I make sure the lessons are short and they know there is a time limit. It's easier to lose focus if you think you have all afternoon to do something.

[Haiku]

Stop telling him to focus. You're taking his problem and making it yours. 97 minutes for the writing should never have happened. Set the timer. When it goes off, move on. Unfinished work is homework. Remove yourself from the problem and place it squarely in your child's lap.

 

Sorry to sound brusque. On my phone.

 

Tara

[Ravin]

My DD focuses better without an audience. I've tried giving her independent work and studying alongside her, and it resulted in a conversation that went something like this:

 

DD: stop talking to me, you're distracting me!

(ten seconds later, as I attempt to attend to my own studies)

DD: Why are you ignoring me?

 

I also irritate her when I tap my pencil, etc. We are apparently not good study mates.

 

If I give her a to-do list and a reasonable amount of work, she gets it done in my absence pretty well most of the time. She just doesn't like it much.

[Tess in the Burbs]

It's the same here with Ds. Dd however gets done in record time. Perhaps letting her pass him is the best thing for her....doubt it will help his motivation :glare:

[angelmama1209]

story. of. my. life. so glad i'm not the only one. and leaving the room doesn't help here. she'll still spend 2 and a half hours staring at 2 pages of math (roughly 16 problems). she doesn't MIND sitting there that long because she's in her own fantasy world making up stories and dancing with unicorns. grrr... math is our biggest struggle so i leave for last now. then she is in control of how long she takes and when she's free to go play. it's been working better.

[Χά�ων]

Here is what helped my DS

 

4am wake up time

5-6am intense workout (DS loves the spinner class at the gym, but does even better if it a full body workout)

 

The we go directly home and start school work. No shower or changing clothes first. Just come home, butt in chair, pencil in hand and go. There are days he is done in an hour and 15 minutes. He showers after school work.

 

Without the workout it takes him FOREVER.

 

I do not like getting up early either but I enjoy being done by 10am. Makes for a great day.

[Haiku]

Momtoone, you've got my respect. I can barely drag myself out of bed by 8.

 

(Not entirely true, as I drag my butt out of bed at 6 three days a week to babysit some kids and take them to school, but if I weren't getting paid for it ... it would never happen!)

 

Tara

[maize]

Unfortunately around here it isn't just the kids who need to hear "focus!" throughout the day. I should probably get a recording of someone reminding ME to focus throughout the day.

 

The kids? At least I know they come by it honestly.