Deleted - thank you :)

[Slipper]

Deleted for privacy - thank you so much!

[starwarsmomma]

I would skip the email.

 

You said they are a nosy family. They are going to press, nag and demand details.

[Dandelion]

First off, :grouphug: . I'm so sorry your DD has been traumatized in this way.

 

While I totally understand why you want to send this email, my take is that it will just invite further questions. My advice would be to deal with any questions and nosiness on a case-by-case basis. But if you think the email is the best course of action, I think the way you worded it is fine.

[Catwoman]

Don't send the email. Never put anything like this in writing. Never.

 

Don't get trapped into feeling that you have to explain yourself to anyone. Avoid being specific when people ask where you've been or what you've been doing.

 

Your dd's issues are no one's business. She has obviously been through tremendous trauma; if you were in her situation, would you want everyone to know about it? Because there's always going to be someone who will. not. let. it. go. and who will bring up the topic at every possible opportunity for years to come. And they'll tell everyone they know about their poor little niece, cousin, granddaughter, etc.

 

I would keep things as quiet as possible.

 

If you said your family could keep a secret and that they would be nothing less than 100% supportive and helpful, I would feel differently (although I'd still advise against the email,) but in your case, I think the less they know, the better it will be for your dd. And realistically, if there's a chance that a family member or close family friend was the one who hurt your dd, I wouldn't want them to know anything about what's going on, because we're talking about criminal behavior that could possibly land someone in prison, and people can get pretty desperate if they think they might get caught and arrested.

 

I'm so sorry something awful has happened to your dd. :crying:

[JFSinIL]

Do not send the email. You own no one, even family, any answers.

[Slipper]

I'm heading off to church but just wanted to say thanks so far for the advice. I may skip the email altogether.

[Guest inoubliable]

:grouphug:

 

Forget the email, mama. You've already said how much you value your daughter's privacy. The more information you let out, the more people will want to know. If it comes up, you could simply say that your daughter is working through some anxiety issues with a therapist, "thank you very much for your concern", and that the particulars of the anxiety are between your daughter and her therapist.

[Eagle]

I am so so sorry to hear of what your dd is going through. It makes me so sad to think of someone being traumatized like that.

 

My first reaction to your proposed email was to question if you really need to send it. You mention that you may not be able to hide your outings much longer. (I'm trying to be vague so you can delete later). Really, it isn't anyone's business whether she sees a medical professional or what it is for. I think sending the email will make people have questions and they will likely want to discuss it with you. In the interest of protecting your daughter I would not send an email and if people start probing about your whereabouts I would indicate that it is personal business that you are unable to discuss. It is private information about your daughter and it should be her decision whether or not to let people know where she is going.

[NotSoObvious]

I agree no emails. You don't owe anyone an explanation.

[Word Nerd]

I would be more inclined not to send a group email but instead to address concerns only if family members bring them to you. You could answer like you have in the email. My concern with a group notification would be that it might stir up curiosity and raise questions in family members who aren't currently even aware anything is going on.

 

I hope you're able to find out exactly what has happened and that she can find healing.

[wonderchica]

I would not send an email. It will only make you family want to ask questions and dig for more information. Just say you have an appointment. If she keeps asking, change the subject. Every. TIme.

[PinkyandtheBrains.]

No emails. They have no need or right to know. I am sorry your child is going through this.

[TechWife]

I'm another vote for no emails. Even if your daughter told you that you could tell people, at her age she doesn't have the capacity to understand what it means for others to know personal information. It is your job to protect her as she heals. There is no reason for anyone to know about her therapist. If they ask specific questions, you need to have some variation of MYOB to use. Just because your family is nosy doesn't mean that you have to give them information.

[Mommy22alyns]

I'm so sorry for your sweet DD. :crying:

[kwg]

I would skip the email also. I would also skip telling them. Let them wonder!

 

You could come up with one place that you are going - like you said," we signed up for some outside support to help her catch up- We are meeting twice weekly for a while"ANd then just start talking about academic work. At least then you could stop making up excuses.

 

What a wonderful mama you are and I am so sorry your family has to go through this.

[OrganicAnn]

I would skip the email. I would practice what to say when asked. People can catch you off guard and it is good to be ready. I would also try to give your DD something to say if someone asks her (like 'you'll have to ask my mom').

[AnIslandGirl]

Oh, I completely understand your need to tell everyone what, when and why. Maybe you could tweak your e-mail though to just explain that you are pursuing a home school education as it is in the best interest of your dd at this time. Maybe add that you would appreciate their unwavering support as you wade through this transitional time period. I would however omit any refference to therapy or medications as that would be too personal for me to share with my family (maybe your family shares this type of information though?).

 

Good luck and best wishes with whatever path you choose to take.

[bzymom]

First, I am so, so sorry. :grouphug:

 

I would not put it in an email. Could you just speak directly to your mom with the same general tone as the email? "We wanted you to know there are several very painful issues we are working through with professional help. While we love all our family, and know everybody wants to help, it is most important that we respect d/d's privacy and allow her therapist to guide us forward. What you can do to help d/d is keep this in mind when you wonder where we have spent our time, avoid any discussion or mention of it to d/d, and help us protect her from unwelcome questions from the rest of the family." Ask her to help by being the moat around your d/d and your family, and keeping the rest of them at bay. It might satisfy her need to help and allow you to focus on d/d without all the static.

[gardenmom5]

I'm very sorry.

 

I wouldn't send an e-mail.

 

If you feel you need to say anything, just tell your mother and other key family members your dd is receiving care for a very specific issue, and it is NOT open for discussion. end of discussion. ( they will probably speculate, but even if you were to give details - they'd be talking about it, so might as well not give them anything.) if she tries to get information, see above, and repeat adnauseum.

 

you say she is one of those who thinks girls always lie, I would keep her away from your dd unless you are there to step in and defend her if needed.

 

 

I also wouldn't 'make-up' places of where we went. "dd had an appointment". repeat adnauseum.

[happyhomemaker]

And realistically, if there's a chance that a family member or close family friend was the one who hurt your dd, I wouldn't want them to know anything about what's going on, because we're talking about criminal behavior that could possibly land someone in prison, and people can get pretty desperate if they think they might get caught and arrested.

 

 

This was the first thing that popped into my head. A nosy family usually means a gossipy family. You don't want this information circulating to the person who harmed your dd.

 

I am so sorry she is having to deal with this. Even the little bit you have shared makes my heart hurt for her.

[AK_Mom4]

I would not send a general email, because there is the possibility that the person who did this might read it and your DD would be in danger.

 

Even if that evil person isn't one of the original recipients, emails can be forwarded. Just Don't Do It.

[Halftime Hope]

OMG, I'm so sorry!

 

I just wanted to second all the responses you have gotten and tell you not to put anything in an email.

 

I have an acquaintance who is going through an equally difficult and touchy situation with a child. Her entire nuclear family and her child are both well-loved by their extended family, but the extended family just has no boundaries, especially the two medical professionals who think they have some say-so because the child is their beloved "(insert name of familial relationship here.)" Holy cow, these two parents, who are doing their very best under difficult circumstances, are having to put up with a slew of well-meaning back-benchers as well.

 

This acquiantance of mine has finally in desperation resorted to saying to the family, "We are following doctors orders to the T." And that's all she says. When she says that, the conversation is done.

 

Please don't open yourself up to this. I like what the previous poster said about asking your mom to be the defense in your corner. She needs to know that there is something going on--I'd call it working through anxiety issues and leave. it. at. that. Don't give her any clue that there is a bonafide basis to this. It is her mandate to keep things from making it onto the radar of anyone else, to be your child's angel, to intercept anyone who might ask, and if they do, she should respond with the general statement: "Yes, she has some health issues, but the family is getting medical help, and I'm confident that she will get better." Surely grandma is wise enough to understand that keeping a diagnosis of anxiety issues from becoming public is in the child's best interest.

[Hockey Mom]

Another vote to not send an email. It's nobody's business what you're doing, and it's definitely nobody's business what is going on with your child.

[Twigs]

:grouphug:

 

Forget the email, mama. You've already said how much you value your daughter's privacy. The more information you let out, the more people will want to know. If it comes up, you could simply say that your daughter is working through some anxiety issues with a therapist, "thank you very much for your concern", and that the particulars of the anxiety are between your daughter and her therapist.

 

 

I would not send an email. It will only make you family want to ask questions and dig for more information. Just say you have an appointment. If she keeps asking, change the subject. Every. TIme.

 

 

I would skip the email also. I would also skip telling them. Let them wonder!

 

You could come up with one place that you are going - like you said," we signed up for some outside support to help her catch up- We are meeting twice weekly for a while"ANd then just start talking about academic work. At least then you could stop making up excuses.

 

What a wonderful mama you are and I am so sorry your family has to go through this.

 

 

I would skip the email. I would practice what to say when asked. People can catch you off guard and it is good to be ready. I would also try to give your DD something to say if someone asks her (like 'you'll have to ask my mom').

 

 

:iagree:

 

The sections underlined above are the broken record technique. Come up with 1 sentence to explain what's happening (then bean dip), and no matter what the other person responds, just keep repeating your 1 sentence.

 

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

[Liz CA]

Don't send the email. Never put anything like this in writing. Never.

 

Don't get trapped into feeling that you have to explain yourself to anyone. Avoid being specific when people ask where you've been or what you've been doing.

 

Your dd's issues are no one's business. She has obviously been through tremendous trauma; if you were in her situation, would you want everyone to know about it? Because there's always going to be someone who will. not. let. it. go. and who will bring up the topic at every possible opportunity for years to come. And they'll tell everyone they know about their poor little niece, cousin, granddaughter, etc.

 

I would keep things as quiet as possible.

 

If you said your family could keep a secret and that they would be nothing less than 100% supportive and helpful, I would feel differently (although I'd still advise against the email,) but in your case, I think the less they know, the better it will be for your dd. And realistically, if there's a chance that a family member or close family friend was the one who hurt your dd, I wouldn't want them to know anything about what's going on, because we're talking about criminal behavior that could possibly land someone in prison, and people can get pretty desperate if they think they might get caught and arrested.

 

I'm so sorry something awful has happened to your dd. :crying:

 

 

 

Just this.

Can you isolate her as much as possible? Perhaps even say "she is not feeling well" which is true, and mention that she does not want to talk about it and gets upset. I would hope your family can respect this. And what a horror you all must be going through. I am glad to read she is in counseling.

[Isabella]

So, so sorry for your situation. I just wanted to say, if you are open to alternative treatments, I recommend Theta Healing sessions, and also finding a really good EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) therapist. This would be helpful in her facing her fears, accepting them, which is necessary for moving on in a healthy way. Hugs to you all.

 

No advice about the email....wouldn't be great if extended family would just butt out!

[8circles]

Ill add my voice to the "don't send the email" group. The less information, the better. Love the suggestions of "she has an appt".

 

Keep it simple.

I'm so sorry for what your dd is going through.

[Dana]

You might also talk with her therapist to see what is suggested to say to family members.

 

Lots of :grouphug: to all of you.

Sounds like you're doing a really good job. Your support will be helpful to your daughter.

[happypamama]

:grouphug:

 

Forget the email, mama. You've already said how much you value your daughter's privacy. The more information you let out, the more people will want to know. If it comes up, you could simply say that your daughter is working through some anxiety issues with a therapist, "thank you very much for your concern", and that the particulars of the anxiety are between your daughter and her therapist.

 

I think that is a perfect response IF people probe.

[zoobie]

I'm so sorry. I agree with the others on not emailing anything. I also wouldn't reveal her diagnosis to anyone. I liked the wording someone used earlier about helping her catch up or something equally vague.

[Kathryn]

Another vote for no email. :grouphug:

[blondchen]

I would not send a general email, because there is the possibility that the person who did this might read it and your DD would be in danger.

 

Even if that evil person isn't one of the original recipients, emails can be forwarded. Just Don't Do It.

 

 

This. And, it's no one else's business anyway. Respond as it comes up - broken record is the way to go, imo. Whatever standard response you're comfortable with - she's having some health issues that we're getting resolved, etc. and please don't ask her about it, etc. Something like that.

 

You also might discuss with the therapist what the best way is to handle this with nosy (or even just concerned) family.

 

I am so sorry. :sad: I can't imagine your daughter's pain, nor yours as her mother. :grouphug:

[sbgrace]

Another voice saying I think any email is a bad idea. If someone does press you, I'd avoid as much as I could even then. Information often leads to further questions and gossip among others. The need to protect is another layer. I'm so sorry this happened to her.

[JFSinIL]

Oh - and to folks who press you for info - "Why are you asking?" "Why do you need to know?" and "Her dad and I have it under control. We are not discussing our child" and abrupt change of topic. If folks persist "My, look at the time - gotta run!" and leave or hang up.

 

Repeat as needed. Not only do you not owe anyone any details, YOU do not have to be dragged into a prolonged conversation about why you won't spill the beans.

[Tammyla]

Momma, it's non of their business and it is OKAY TO BE RUDE to protect her. Don't allow them to pressure or guilt you into possibly adding to your dd's burden.

 

Tell them to MYOB (mind your own business) or she has a medical issue and getting treatment and we're not discussing it. You can be thankful for their concern without opening your family up to their questions. Your dd's counselor may have ideas for dealing with them.

 

:grouphug: I hope your dd finds a measure of peace soon. :grouphug:

[Harriet Vane]

Do not, under any circumstances, send an email. Ever. Never ever on this topic.

 

Don't go talking about it either. You don't know who did it. Just continue being vague. After a while your parents and everyone else will think you just go a lot of places. Do not start into explanations with a gossipy family, especially NOT on this topic.

 

Just please, don't send any email.

[Slipper]

Thank you for all the replies. I'm not sending an email. I wish I could trust my mother to try to assist but she's not going to be good for that. The first thing SHE would do would be to send an email to keep everyone updated. She also exaggerates. She would also panic and wonder if her husband was under suspicion (he is/was like everyone else). And then she would want to counsel dd. I just can't trust my mother (love her, don't trust her).

 

Thank you for all the suggestions on how to vaguely comment. I really and truly appreciate the advice and kind wishes. My brain is a bit scrambled at the moment and I don't want to make bad decisions.

[Twigs]

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

[Halftime Hope]

Perhaps the best advice I ever received in a difficult situation was not to do anything until I knew exactly what I needed to do. That gave me a great deal of freedom. All the best to you and yours!