You back over a kid's bike...

[justamouse]

if my 12 yo left a bike in the driveway, he'd deserve to get it run over. At my house, he'd be lucky if it weren't stolen.

 

Obviously this is a habit, so, at that point, my kid would have had to run outside many times to put it away, and probably gotten it taken away a few times.

 

If I am buying a child a bike, it is to be taken care of. He is to respect his own property, and the gift given. He is a kid, and therefore, his bike getting run over is a sad consequence, but a just one, and hopefully him earning the $ for the next bike would make him more responsible. The lesson is not for his irresponsibility to get rewarded with a new bike.

 

Small kids, small lessons, big kids, big lessons. Better these things happen with a bike.

[unsinkable]

Sometimes I read these threads and I wonder if it's a contest to see who's the biggest hard-nosed parent.

 

 

[delaney]

Sometimes I read these threads and I wonder if it's a contest to see who's the biggest hard-nosed parent.

 

No kidding. All those "I told you so" moments will come back to bite you in the butt. I dislike my own mother greatly for being that parent.

[SKL]

I like the idea of fixing the bike if possible, and having the 12yo help fix it. Unfortunately the sister might not like it, but too bad. It's great for the kid on many levels.

[Mrs Mungo]

If you backed into a car that parked behind you when you weren't looking would you (or your insurance) have to pay? Yes. So, I would pay to fix and/or replace it.

[Catwoman]

As for our relationship with his sister- she's older by 2 years and has always been incredibly bossy (ahem, b*tchy) towards him. That's just the way it is and we try to be friends, but some times it takes a little extra effort. Especially from me since it's another woman treating my dh like crap. Dh is used to it since he's been treated like that all his life. SHe does get angry when she can't boss him around anymore and this will definitely upset her. But what can you do? Either live with crazy family or write them out of your lives. He's not willing to write them out quite yet and I agree. My boys would miss their cousins too much.

 

I don't think it has to be an "either-or" situation. I think you and your dh need to learn how to set some boundaries with his sister, and to stick with them. Nobody held a gun to your dh's head and forced him to do $1500.00 worth of work for her for free. He could have politely told her he was too busy to help her.

 

If your SIL is bossing your dh around, it's his own fault for letting her do it. She can say what she wants to say and demand whatever she wants to demand, but you don't have to give in and let her have her way. Frankly, if you never say no to her, you don't really have the right to be angry with her, because she doesn't know how resentful you are.

 

I'm not suggesting that you get nasty with her, but that you and your dh need to realize that your relationship with his sister doesn't need to end because you don't let her get away with bossing you and your dh around any more. I think you both need some practice at politely declining when someone makes a demand on you. Your SIL somehow has you believing that if you don't obey her, then you won't have a relationship with her, but if that's the case, who would want that relationship anyway? I suspect that the main reason she behaves as she does is simply because she gets away with it, and that she wouldn't want to lose her relationship with your dh any more than he wants to lose his relationship with her.

[justamouse]

Sometimes I read these threads and I wonder if it's a contest to see who's the biggest hard-nosed parent.

 

 

Yep, that's totally me.

 

If you backed into a car that parked behind you when you weren't looking would you (or your insurance) have to pay? Yes. So, I would pay to fix and/or replace it.

 

 

Cars? Are big. They belong in a driveway. They obviously belong parked there, that's what driveways are designed for. It would stand that you would glance in your rearview mirror before backing up. Bikes? Don't belong in driveways. Why? For the most part, they're a danger in a driveway for multiple reasons.

 

12 years old is not such a young age that this responsibility is unknown to them.

 

Either that, or my youngers are abnormally responsible, to the point where I think nothing of purchasing my 12 yo tools/knives/gear worth hundreds of dollars, because I know he will take care of them and be responsible.

 

Matter of fact, I just posed this scenario to him, and he said he would have been responsible.

 

This is the most basic lesson, when you are done with your toys, you put them away.

[Joker]

Yep, that's totally me.

 

 

 

Cars? Are big. They belong in a driveway. They obviously belong parked there, that's what driveways are designed for. It would stand that you would glance in your rearview mirror before backing up. Bikes? Don't belong in driveways. Why? For the most part, they're a danger in a driveway for multiple reasons.

 

 

 

 

Not everyone abides by those same rules though. My kids have always been allowed to leave their bikes, scooters, skateboards, etc in the driveway all day while playing. It's just never been an issue for us. They've never had them run over by anyone either. Growing up we almost always had at least four cars in our driveway and we didn't have that rule either, and nothing was ever run over.

[RoundAbout]

Sometimes I read these threads and I wonder if it's a contest to see who's the biggest hard-nosed parent.

 

 

People must assume kids are sociopathic or dense if they always require harsh lessons to learn something. When I was a kid (or even now as an adult) and I did something stupid, I felt ashamed and embarrassed, and didn't do it again. Very seldom was a punishment needed at all. Fortunately, my son seems to be built the same way.

[Mrs Mungo]

Cars? Are big. They belong in a driveway. They obviously belong parked there, that's what driveways are designed for. It would stand that you would glance in your rearview mirror before backing up. Bikes? Don't belong in driveways. Why? For the most part, they're a danger in a driveway for multiple reasons.

 

Let me rephrase. A while back I was getting in my car, leaving flute lessons with dd. As I was getting in my SUV a woman in a smaller car parked *directly behind me* to chat with someone. The car was in my blind spot. I backed into her. My insurance paid.

 

This is a very similar scenario. Yes, kids should put their things away. My kids are trained to put their bikes away when they are done with them. But, I could see them leaving them in the driveway a minute while they went to get more water or something. Drivers of cars are driving a big dangerous machine and the insurance companies hold them liable when they back into anything because the driver is responsible for knowing what is behind them. It isn't just my opinion, that is how it works. My mom backed into a pole and had to pay to replace it. A friend in Germany backed into a low wall and had to pay for its repair. When you back into something, the insurance company will hold you at fault.

 

[Tammyla]

My belief is that a driver who backs over something (thank goodness, it wasn't someone) is at fault. (Truth be told, I believe the police would see it that way if a report were filed.)

 

A twelve year old is plenty old enough to put his bike away, but the driver is still responsible.

Fixing the bike and requiring the kid to help is very reasonable to me.

[Trish]

Yep, that's totally me.

 

 

 

Cars? Are big. They belong in a driveway. They obviously belong parked there, that's what driveways are designed for. It would stand that you would glance in your rearview mirror before backing up. Bikes? Don't belong in driveways. Why? For the most part, they're a danger in a driveway for multiple reasons.

 

12 years old is not such a young age that this responsibility is unknown to them.

 

Either that, or my youngers are abnormally responsible, to the point where I think nothing of purchasing my 12 yo tools/knives/gear worth hundreds of dollars, because I know he will take care of them and be responsible.

 

Matter of fact, I just posed this scenario to him, and he said he would have been responsible.

 

This is the most basic lesson, when you are done with your toys, you put them away.

 

There are a lot of places kids (and their accessories) don't belong, and they end up there anyway. It behooves adults to be somewhat aware of that, and to act with caution when backing up vehicles. In this case it's nice that they're only fixing a bike.

 

I also don't like the idea that the kid "deserved" to have his bike run over. Yes he made a bad choice and contributed to the consequence, but if something is behind a car that shouldn't be there, whether it's a bike, a lawn chair, a child, or hard-of-hearing grandma, doesn't DESERVE to be run over.

[Juniper]

Adult/car more at fault than child/bike. Period. That isn't to sat there is not a natural consequence of being without a bike while it is repaired/replaced, but there is no equating the two scenarios.

[linders]

Almost afraid to look at the other replies for fear I'll be in the minority.

 

I would pay for the bike. And thank God that it wasn't a toddler bent over behind my car.

 

Where I used to work, I learned that it is crucial to do a 360 degree walkaround before starting a car. How did I learn? When I backed into something with a work car and it was a notable offense on my performance record. Everyone, everyone, agreed it was totally my fault.

[SKL]

It it not a universal fact that only cars are allowed in driveways.

 

When I was a kid (you know, back when kids played outside all day), the driveway was part of our play area. We were NOT allowed to put our bikes on the grass or the sidewalk. Yes, we were reprimanded if we left a bike the way this 12yo did, but I guarantee it happened more than once with each of us. Our dad checked because he was a dad of kids and possibly remembered being a kid.

 

Were we particularly irresponsible? I don't think so. We were latchkey kids, took care of our own school work, babysat our baby siblings, were in charge of getting dinner on the table before our parents got home, had jobs to earn our own spending money, etc. But both kids and adults make mistakes. Adults are held to a higher standard. It really should go without saying IMO. Even if both actors were adults, there should be shared responsibility. Contributory negligence doesn't get the first negligent person off.

[justamouse]

There are a lot of places kids (and their accessories) don't belong, and they end up there anyway. It behooves adults to be somewhat aware of that, and to act with caution when backing up vehicles. In this case it's nice that they're only fixing a bike.

 

I also don't like the idea that the kid "deserved" to have his bike run over. Yes he made a bad choice and contributed to the consequence, but if something is behind a car that shouldn't be there, whether it's a bike, a lawn chair, a child, or hard-of-hearing grandma, doesn't DESERVE to be run over.

 

 

If the kid were younger? I'd pay for the bike. 12 is not 6. 12 is not 8.

 

If a kid consistently leaves his bike in a driveway, totally inconsiderate of the cars or dangers and has been told, repeatedly, to put the bike away... It wouldn't get old having Dad stop the car as he pulled in, putting the bike away, then getting back in the car to pull in the driveway? Is that Dad's responsibility?

 

If my son has a fish tank and never keeps the water high enough so that the filter works correctly and all the fish die... If my son repeatedly leaves his iPod where his toddler sister will use it as a hammer, if my kids leave their gold jewelry all over the house and then lose it ...they lose it, yes, and I should then replace it for them? I think not.

 

Now, this mother? I can see this particular mother letting her kids leave the bikes anywhere, and not even asking the kids to put them away. They'll get rusted, she'll buy them a new one. They get run over, she gets them a new one. And then, in 15 years, she'll wonder why precious has a deeply held sense of entitlement and think things should be handed to him.

[goldberry]

Sometimes I read these threads and I wonder if it's a contest to see who's the biggest hard-nosed parent.

 

Yes, and this is NOT a parenting issue. The party debating responsibility (the OP's DH) is NOT the parent. He is not the one responsible for teaching the nephew learning to take care of his belongings. The decision should be based on his own responsibility in the matter.

 

If this was the OP asking about her own child's bike, I think we would all agree on the answer (or at least it would be easier to see both sides.). But that's not the case. Many comments have said, "if my son this..." "if my kid that..." Well, yeah! Of course! But that's not what this thread is about.

[Alexigail]

Yes, and this is NOT a parenting issue. The party debating responsibility (the OP's DH) is NOT the parent. He is not the one responsible for teaching the nephew learning to take care of his belongings. The decision should be based on his own responsibility in the matter.

 

 

This is exactly how I feel about it. All the other issues (the SIL's bossiness, the free home repairs etc.) are separate issues - relevant in themselves, but not relevant to the issue of the bicycle.

[Mrs Mungo]

 

 

Yes, and this is NOT a parenting issue. The party debating responsibility (the OP's DH) is NOT the parent. He is not the one responsible for teaching the nephew learning to take care of his belongings. The decision should be based on his own responsibility in the matter.

 

If this was the OP asking about her own child's bike, I think we would all agree on the answer (or at least it would be easier to see both sides.). But that's not the case. Many comments have said, "if my son this..." "if my kid that..." Well, yeah! Of course! But that's not what this thread is about.

 

 

Totally agree. The question had nothing to do with what would I do if it had been my child's bike. Whether of not the mom of the person involved is bossy, etc has nothing to do with the question at hand.

[Word Nerd]

 

Many comments have said, "if my son this..." "if my kid that..." Well, yeah! Of course! But that's not what this thread is about.

 

 

I feel the same way about all the "but it could have been a toddler!" what-if scenarios even though in this situation that wasn't even a possibility.

[mytwomonkeys]

i would definitely offer to pay if i ran over someone's bike, but if someone ran over my own child's bike i would not accept money. sort of weird i guess.

 

in your shoes, i would offer to pay half, even if it was only to keep the peace between your families. how much is the bike she wants to replace??

 

 

i just read your update. your SIL sounds awful. i'm sorry :grouphug: i would have your husband try to fix it as he intended. even if it needs new handlebars, you may be able to get those without replacing the whole bike for fairly cheap.

[oldskool]

Yes, I would for sure pay for it. I think it is the driver's responsibility to make sure nothing is behind the car.

[Slartibartfast]

I would pay for the bike. It is the driver's responsibility to check.

 

I do think repairing the bike is a perfectly acceptable alternative.

 

 

Let's say it was an adult who left their bike in the way and suppose it was an expensive bike, if it came down to legalities the driver would be found at fault and be held liable.

[Slartibartfast]

True, we are strapped for cash since dh is making half the money he was a couple years ago. Mostly because all our extra cash goes towards paying off the medical bills we accumulated last year. There are not many people around here who can afford to pay for repairs. Hopefully the economy will go uphill soon.

 

Thanks for listening to my rambling. Darn pregnancy hormones!

 

Honestly I would start charging for these handyman services. Even if it less than what one would normally make it would be better than nothing.

 

My FIL is a mechanic and is always fixing people's cars. He charges for it now but he didn't used to.

 

I think if one doesn't charge at least something one starts being taken advantage of and it does become a burden when it takes a lot of time from one's family.

[Joules]

I think that everything has been said about responsibility and proper parenting, but you might want to think about what your insurance company would think. Your SIL could probably file a claim with your insurance and get money from them, because they would consider your dh at fault. Hopefully it won't occur to your SIL, since it might raise your rates, but it might be an incentive to keep her happy, so she doesn't go thinking about other options. From some of the things you've said, she might be just the type to teach her little brother a lesson by filing with the insurance.

[jhschool]

I don't know what I'd do in that situation, but since we're talking a fairly small expense here, I would probably offer to pay at least half, if not all. I don't think you are responsible though, because while we are always expected to look behind us to make sure all is clear, how many people walk around their entire car to make sure there is nothing behind it before backing up?

 

We have a large parking area on our driveway. Everyone always parks in a specific location. My sdd got a brand new car, which was black, from her grandparents. She parked it inches from the garage door (and she also parked it parallel to the garage door) where I pull out at 5:00 in the morning (stil pitch black out) and never said anything to me about it even though she walked right by me when she came in the night before. No one has EVER parked their car there in the 12 years we've lived in this house. Well, I got up, and rammed right into her car. I do not think there is any way that was my fault. There is no way I could have known that she would do something so nutty, and while I did look behind me before pulling out, the car was not visible the way she parked it.

 

Oh my goodness...

[Luanne]

I think there is a difference between being a hard-nosed parent and not teaching your child any responsiblity whatsoever. I also think there is a middle ground. If my daughter had left her bicycle behind a vehicle in the driveway at age 12 and it were ran over, she would not be getting a new bicycle. She might get a used one or have hers fixed if possible. I don't think that makes me a hard-nosed parent. I think people have a really difficult time finding the middle ground. It doesn't always have to be far one way or the other.

[LBS]

I always think of the kid first. The nephew's relationship with his uncle. With what I have read, if this were my husband (and I hope he would not have assumed all the kids were in the house plus he works with machinery and tractors so likely would have made sure he had clearance) I would bypass the hateful sister-in-law's demand, and take the kid to shop for a used bike, replacing the one he had, no money exchanging hands. Maybe it has been a consequence enough to him to lose his bike for a period of time, and to know his carelessness has caused a family rift.

 

I agree with several posters that the driver of the car is going to be legally responsible, if it were to go to a higher court. Parenting does not come into it. Plus, it is not fair for the uncle to have to be the deliverer, albeit uninteneded, of the hard lesson.

 

The hard nosed parenting may be a lot of smoke. When people tell me their child was potty-trained at 6 months, yeah, okay, sure. Its easy to sound big in print, when nobody can check on it.

[Marylin]

I have had to remove bikes and scooters from behind my car more times than I can count. Lately I just put the bike on top of a trash can. Recently a neighbor who lives across the road said it was his daughters. Then why is it behind my car?He was drinking and got loud and had all the neighbors attacking me. I’m tired of having to remove them and the parents outside at 10 pm just leave them there. I don’t think I’m this case if I run over the bikes I should not have to pay for them. They leave them in the steps where I live and I’m disabled and 63 and could hurt myself. I thought after numerous times if I put the bikes on the trash barrel they would get the hint. I have to back over a side walk to get out of my parking spot. I’m just sick of it and it’s started 20 neighbors who I don’t even know attacking me. I see it that it’s my spot and your kids don’t live here they need to move the bikes or they’ll get run over and I’m not paying because the idiot parents were to busy drinking and not watching their kids.

[Pawz4me]

Zombie thread

[Elizabeth86]

No way would I expect someone to pay for my kids bike and sure hope no one would ask me too.

[LucyStoner]

Braaaaaaaainssss

It’s not often that a Zombie thread is one that was such a memorable board thread.  The nephew is now college aged.  I wonder what happened about the bike.