Shame on fat people

[nmoira]

Obese people do affect others. They increase the taxes/insurance premiums of everyone else. I don't know whether the line between normal and overweight is correctly drawn, but I've seen no evidence that shows obesity to be healthy.

 

ETA: Even if an obese person has perfect bloodwork, the effect of excess weight on the frame makes damage more likely.

 

 

Fair enough, but using that reasoning, we pay twice: once for the subsidies to artificially lower the cost of food that is bad for us and then again for the resulting health effects for which the subsidies are at least partly responsible. So, who benefits? Certainly not the people paying a premium on both ends or those who are obese.

[Murphy101]

All of us were rail thin when young no matter what we are or how much. That's natural for normal very active young people. We walked everywhere. We and now our kids had/have jobs that keep them on their feet for many hours at a time multiple days a week. These things give a pretty high metabolism which of course needs a pretty high diet to function.

 

But we get older, get an injury, or whatever and we suddenly have to start really watching what we eat. Our attitude and our mind is used to eating anything often and now we have to radically stop that. The easiest way being to drastically reduce carbs like pasta and bread.

 

Some research into even very healthy people as they age shows they have had to do the same.

 

Idk why all the food allergies are imploding. I'm happy to blame Monsanto.

 

But needing to drastically eliminate grain carbs as we age to maintain a healthy weight if we aren't very physically active is nothing new. Body builders and trainers and so worth have known that for a couple generations.

[Tammyla]

This makes me so sad...

 

My sister has a thyroid problem and PSOD and she eats well walks a few miles a day and it very over weight. The thought of people shaming her, makes me angry and sad; so much so that I almost couldn't read this thread.

[PinkInTheBlue]

I would never shame anyone about their weight no matter which way it is. People know their weight and know what it means either way.

 

My husband quit smoking many years ago. He talks about when people would say to him, "You should stop smoking. Don't you know smoking is bad?". And he'd think, "Don't you think I know that???". LOL

 

You'd be absolutely amazed at the people who don't hesitate to say to me, "Look how skinny you are! I hate you!" and laugh like it's a good joke. Really? Would you be able to walk up to someone obese and say, "Look how fat you are! I hate you!" and think a laugh will make it okay? I get a lot of comments about weight and I know the heart of the "why" but, please, still think about what you're saying. A laugh doesn't make it all better.

[Mom-ninja.]

Maybe someday people will be shaming those who are thin (but I hope not as how one looks shouldn't be an issue IMO).

 

 

If you think this doesn't happen you are mistaken. Sadly, shaming, belittling, rudeness, and out right hostility is very much acceptable behavior towards thin people.

 

Have you ever heard someone say to an overweight person, "Ugh, You make me sick. Look at you. I hate you. You're such a %itch."

 

Cause I've heard it many many times in my life. And, no, do not try to pass off such remarks as joking or playful compliments. If anyone thinks that using such language is acceptable and shouldn't be taken seriously.....just imagine to yourself someone saying the exact same words to an overweight person.

 

There is a double standard when it comes to comments on people's weight. It seems to be perfectly acceptable to "pick on" and be rude to thin people, yet if anyone ever said those words to an overweight person, the speaker would be viewed as a horrible person. Yet, when people make such comments to me, everyone around laughs and sometimes joins in the "fun."

 

So, yeah discrimination and shaming very much happens to thin people. Frankly, it needs to be recognized (and treated as such) that a person's weight has nothing to do with the respect that each human being deserves.

[VeganCupcake]

It's the desperation that I was referring to.

 

I was bothered by "desperation" and "trying too hard". What does that even mean?

 

I have read a couple of things lately about overeating being the drug of choice for carers and responsible people. The average mom who wants and needs to care for her children the next morning can't get high or drunk to manage her emotions, so she may turn to food because she can still do her job. I've done it--I admit to medicating myself with food sometimes.

 

I think we all have moments (even long periods of time) of desperation, but for different reasons, and with different public faces.

[I.Dup.]

I was bothered by "desperation" and "trying too hard". What does that even mean?

 

Did you look at the pictures I posted? That is what I was referring to. Look, I'm sorry to have derailed the thread, we can move on from my stupid comment now. I am thin, I have experienced people saying "I hate you, skinny b*tch" everything mentioned. It really didn't hurt me very much. I work hard to stay thin, I like being thin more than I would enjoy being overweight. I don't think there is anything wrong with commenting about skinny old women who are obviously trying too hard, that's my opinion. I think it's gross. People should age gracefully and with class.

 

Back onto the subject, it's always refreshing to hear someone who is overweight admit that they have some responsibility in that instead of acting like they have no clue how they are overweight. I don't think it's a huge mystery why we have so many overweight people, but I certainly feel for them and don't think they need to be shamed. Many people I love and have loved are overweight and obese.

 

I don't think weight should be the HUGE deal that it is. But I do think it's an interesting point to bring up the extra cost that obesity brings, esp. if we are going to do nationalized healthcare. Obesity does cost.

[WishboneDawn]

Obese people do affect others. They increase the taxes/insurance premiums of everyone else. I don't know whether the line between normal and overweight is correctly drawn, but I've seen no evidence that shows obesity to be healthy.

 

ETA: Even if an obese person has perfect bloodwork, the effect of excess weight on the frame makes damage more likely.

 

Laura

 

That's rather vague. What kind of damage do you mean?

 

ETA: Taxes and premiums may increase but the justifications for increasing those premiums may not be backed up by solid research.

[dancer67]

Now obesity is protected under the ADA. And I was told when I was applying for disability(after I was denied), he asked "Are you obese?" When I said no he actually said "That's to bad because you would have a better chance of qualifying" WHAAAA???!!!????

[justamouse]

I would never shame anyone about their weight no matter which way it is. People know their weight and know what it means either way.

 

My husband quit smoking many years ago. He talks about when people would say to him, "You should stop smoking. Don't you know smoking is bad?". And he'd think, "Don't you think I know that???". LOL

 

You'd be absolutely amazed at the people who don't hesitate to say to me, "Look how skinny you are! I hate you!" and laugh like it's a good joke. Really? Would you be able to walk up to someone obese and say, "Look how fat you are! I hate you!" and think a laugh will make it okay? I get a lot of comments about weight and I know the heart of the "why" but, please, still think about what you're saying. A laugh doesn't make it all better.

 

 

The comments since I've lost weight have been pretty eye opening. I know it has more to do with them, than it does me, but let me warn ya, the person to lose the weight has a lot of negativity to bear.

[VeritasMama]

I am pretty tired of being told what personal behavior is or is not shameful by a media that objectifies women to make

.

 

My husband is overweight. He comes from a long line of overweight people who lived long healthy lives. He has great cholesterol, blood pressure, etc. He is healthier than the average weight people in my family who have issues with their blood pressure and choloesterol.

 

There is a difference between morbidly obese and big boned. Some people are physically built to carry more weight than others. My husband doesn't look as heavy as he is, he has a big frame so he deosn't look as "fat" as the charts say he is. I think this is the case for a lot of people dealing with one size fits all weight standards that don't take things like genetics or skeletal build into account.

 

I've always been thin to normal weight. I can't imagine shaming my overweight friends, how tacky. I would encourage them if they shared their struggles with me,

 

Can you imagine a world where we are all the same size? How boring would it be if we were all the "ideal weight?" I prefer true diversity.

[Sisyphus]

Well, I imagine I'll be a "skinny old woman", since I was a skinny child, teen and adult. I'm 5'7" and 108 pounds, and yes, I'd look better with another 20 pounds or so. But it isn't happening without forcing myself to eat things I don't want to, tracking every calorie, and basically making my life revolve around food. Ive tried it, with a nutritionist, and its no way to live. It's just not worth it to look better so society can be happy not to look at my gross, skinny and soon to be old self.

 

But as long as I shuffle along in sweatshirts with kittens on them and get a perm and blue rinse in my hair, I suppose no one can accuse me of "trying too hard", eh? God forbid I wear anything trendy?

 

Seriously, do you not get how bizarre and offensive your statement is?

 

[nmoira]

That's rather vague. What kind of damage do you mean?

 

ETA: Taxes and premiums may increase but the justifications for increasing those premiums may not be backed up by solid research.

 

And it's difficult to tease out to what extent it's an individual problem and to what extent societal. Is it "their" problem/responsibility our "ours"? What should we do about it?

[WishboneDawn]

 

I don't think weight should be the HUGE deal that it is. But I do think it's an interesting point to bring up the extra cost that obesity brings, esp. if we are going to do nationalized healthcare. Obesity does cost.

 

Unhealthy lifestyles cost. Obesity, in and of itself, may not and may offer health benefits for some people. Scroll down the left-hand side of this blog and check out the Obesity Paradox series of posts.

 

Unhealthy lifestyles can lead to obesity but obesity but itself may not be the core issue that cause health issues or an impediment to living a healthy life. This is important because obese people often get health issues addressed with the advice, "lose some weight," while underlying conditions go untreated. Meanwhile for some, a women at risk for osteoporosis for instance, getting fat may be a good choice to deal with that.

[WishboneDawn]

 

And it's difficult to tease out to what extent it's an individual problem and to what extent societal. Is it "their" problem/responsibility our "ours"? What should we do about it?

 

I'm not really interested in that bit. I'm interested in the science that teases out whether obesity is a health issue or simply a symptom of health issues that, occuring independently of those issues, isn't as harmful as we like to think. And it's very far from the cut-and-dry conclusion most people seemed to have reached.

[I.Dup.]

Well, I imagine I'll be a "skinny old woman", since I was a skinny child, teen and adult. I'm 5'7" and 108 pounds, and yes, I'd look better with another 20 pounds or so. But it isn't happening without forcing myself to eat things I don't want to, tracking every calorie, and basically making my life revolve around food. Ive tried it, with a nutritionist, and its no way to live. It's just not worth it to look better so society can be happy not to look at my gross, skinny and soon to be old self.

 

But as long as I shuffle along in sweatshirts with kittens on them and get a perm and blue rinse in my hair, I suppose no one can accuse me of "trying too hard", eh? God forbid I wear anything trendy?

 

Seriously, do you not get how bizarre and offensive your statement is?

 

Okay. You're right, you would look better with another 20 pounds on you. It sounds like you might have an issue, especially if you go into middle age and still cannot put on anymore weight. I am *almost* 5'7" and to stay at 108 would be borderline eating disorder for me, and I have very small bones. You might want to have your thyroid looked at.

 

I don't see my comment as anymore offensive than an overweight person saying that she thinks other overweight people look very unattractive when they wear clothes that are way too small on them or whatever. And I'm okay that all of my opinions are not PC.

[WishboneDawn]

Well, I imagine I'll be a "skinny old woman", since I was a skinny child, teen and adult. I'm 5'7" and 108 pounds, and yes, I'd look better with another 20 pounds or so. But it isn't happening without forcing myself to eat things I don't want to, tracking every calorie, and basically making my life revolve around food. Ive tried it, with a nutritionist, and its no way to live. It's just not worth it to look better so society can be happy not to look at my gross, skinny and soon to be old self.

 

But as long as I shuffle along in sweatshirts with kittens on them and get a perm and blue rinse in my hair, I suppose no one can accuse me of "trying too hard", eh? God forbid I wear anything trendy?

 

Seriously, do you not get how bizarre and offensive your statement is?

 

 

I'll be a fat old woman. :)

 

I think it's bizarre to defend one body type by taking swipes at another. I don't think you owe it to any of us to list your efforts to gain weight anymore then those of us who are fat or obese need to detail our struggle or justify our lives.

 

The point to all this shouldn't be that fat is good and skinny people need to fatten up their unhealthy selves or vice-versa. The point should be that our struggles/choices/bodies are our own to live with/cherish/work on as we see fit and there's too much going on in life to be chiding others for what we might view as flaws or weaknesses.

 

I bet you've got a perfectly attractive and useful body. Poo to anyone who implies otherwise. ;)

[nmoira]

I'm not really interested in that bit. I'm interested in the science that teases out whether obesity is a health issue or simply a symptom of health issues that, occuring independently of those issues, isn't as harmful as we like to think. And it's very far from the cut-and-dry conclusion most people seemed to have reached.

 

I get that, but I'm still running with health insurance perspective, and how it costs everyone extra money in premiums or taxes. As you and others have point out, weight is only a metric and far from the whole picture. It's not so simple that we can draw a line between "us" and "them" in terms of either risk (your point) or responsibility (my point).

[Murphy101]

Yes. I did see those pictures and the only one I thought tacky was the bottom pose. Which had nothing to do with her age or weight. I'd have thought it looked ridiculous on a 20 year old fat girl too.

[VeritasMama]

You are right. But that's not the same as saying that obese people do not affect others.

 

On a more personal level, I've seen the way that one person's obesity can force another unwilling person into being a carer, directly affecting the latter's ability to fulfil her own dreams.

 

Laura

 

Other people''s choices will always affect me. I could be killed tomorrow by a drunken driver, even though there are plenty of laws in place to prevent such a thing from happening.

 

The fact that other people's choices might have a negative impact on me is a fact of life, it is as sure as gravity. That is why personal resposibility is so important, as those who truly take responsibility for their own behavior will make better choices, and that will benefit society as a whole. Telling other people what to do and mandating certain types of behavior in the name of the common good doesn't work, you simply end up with less control over your own choices and nothing positive to show for it.

 

My point is that this needs to be handled on a more personal level. If the media or the government could fix these types of problems, they would already be fixed. They haven't failed for lack of trying. Remember prohibition? Has the gov't "war on drugs" worked? Social engineering from a centralized planning type of approach has never worked, and if anything has simply created a whole new set of problems that must be dealt with.Tthere are plenty of historical examples of this to back up my point.

[Murphy101]

I didn't read it as the same as saying clothes that don't fit are unattractive. That's generally true regardless of size or age.

 

It came across as those women are too old or too skinny. Not a general this is not attractive to you statement.

[I.Dup.]

I didn't read it as the same as saying clothes that don't fit are unattractive. That's generally true regardless of size or age.

 

It came across as those women are too old or too skinny. Not a general this is not attractive to you statement.

 

And the statement about fat people looking unattractive in clothes that are way too small would be taken the same way because the FAT qualification was in there.

 

I'm almost ready to apologize for saying anything about weight being unattractive, but I'm not quite ready yet. I think it's obvious that we all have opinions on certain body types and weight being more attractive than others, and how people age gracefully vs. not. I guess I just made a mistake in vocalizing it.

 

I AM very sorry for derailing the thread.

[Murphy101]

But how to handle it personally is what's being asked.

 

Should friends and family refuse to offer rides to anywhere they think a fat person should walk?

 

Should care givers refuse to feed more than they think is a reasonable diet?

 

What about seating? I have a relative that literally can't sit on my furniture. If I wasn't willing to let her sit on my stone fireplace, she would not be able to visit unless she stood the entire time, which she can't do.

 

Accidents and medical things out of our control happens. But we usually try to avoid it.

 

Watching someone you love do something that is slowly killing them and lowering their and your own quality of life is agonizing and I sure wouldn't blow it off as just a risk of living when it isn't.

[dancer67]

Something is wrong and we need to demand an answer. We need to keep asking why many people can't even eat a piece of bread, and why my grandparent's generation didn't even HAVE these problems.

Yes, our grandparents did have these problems only we did not have the technology to properly diagnose them. Now that we do, the pharmaceutical companies are making billions of dollars off of them. Take diabetes for one example. The ADA lowered the limit to 126 and anything over that you are now considered a diabetic. Before, the numbers were 140. Another example is blood pressure.At one time it used to be your age plus 100 for the upper number. So my BP should be 145 and under, and bottom number was always under 40. Now it is 120/80. Now they want to lower the limit again to 115/75. I would feel faint at those numbers. So the issue is, we CAN eat bread. But the "guidelines" now tell us we can't. I know SOOOOO many people on Metformin, where at one time they never would be. And, our grandparents lived into their 90's. Never had Cholesterol screenings, or FBG, or even all these cancer screenings. It is all about money, and lots of it.

[Amy in TX]

If you think this doesn't happen you are mistaken. Sadly, shaming, belittling, rudeness, and out right hostility is very much acceptable behavior towards thin people.

 

Have you ever heard someone say to an overweight person, "Ugh, You make me sick. Look at you. I hate you. You're such a %itch."

 

Cause I've heard it many many times in my life. And, no, do not try to pass off such remarks as joking or playful compliments. If anyone thinks that using such language is acceptable and shouldn't be taken seriously.....just imagine to yourself someone saying the exact same words to an overweight person.

 

There is a double standard when it comes to comments on people's weight. It seems to be perfectly acceptable to "pick on" and be rude to thin people, yet if anyone ever said those words to an overweight person, the speaker would be viewed as a horrible person. Yet, when people make such comments to me, everyone around laughs and sometimes joins in the "fun."

 

So, yeah discrimination and shaming very much happens to thin people. Frankly, it needs to be recognized (and treated as such) that a person's weight has nothing to do with the respect that each human being deserves.

 

Yes. I was at a family party, at a table with two young women, one slightly overweight and one very thin. The former said to the latter something along the lines of "you are way too thin," laughingly. The latter girl looked embarrassed and started talking about what she had done to try to gain weight, and how it didn't work. She looked so mortified that I felt sorry for her and told her she wasn't too thin, that everyone has a different body type, and that she was perfectly lovely. The other girl then retorted: "No, it's not okay!" Laughingly. I repeated, "Yes, it really is okay."

 

Imagine that conversation in reverse, with the thin girl saying to the other, "you are way too fat." It's incredibly hurtful either way.

[regentrude]

Around here it's a mindset--no one ever thinks of walking anywhere, because it's virtually impossible. There are few sidewalks and no shoulders, and outside the oldest part of town, it's sprawl--subdivisions of houses linked by 4-lane highways without shoulders. You literally cannot walk or bike outside your subdivision without taking your life in your hands. I think in the case I mentioned, it didn't occur to anyone that walking to school was better for the kids than being driven, and they saw no reason to spend money on it.

 

It is a mindset even where it is perfectly possible to walk! Being able to walk to school and to bike to work were the most important criteria for us in our choice of a house. Of all the people with kids on our street, we were the only ones who walked to school - everybody else drove, even though it is entirely possible and easy to walk: half a mile to the elementary, a bit less than a mile to middle and Jr high. But people look at me as if I had two heads when I talked about walking to school.

[SKL]

I dunno, one of my funniest memories from my youth was when I was walking with my sister and friend down the sidewalk, and a pickup zipped by and the woman therein hollered, "porkasses!"

 

It took us a while to figure out what she'd said. Four gasses? Fork asses? OH, pork asses! HA HA HA we laughed our porky butts off.

 

Then I mentioned it to my dad. "Seriously?"

 

"Well, no offense, but you are getting a little broad across the beam."

 

Whatever I weighed that day was my peak weight. (138 to be exact.) That was 32 years ago.

 

The person who loves you most won't tell you something like that to shame you. But it can be said with love.

 

FTR, I did not read the linked article, nor most of the comments, and it is not my intention to "shame" anyone.

[Amy in TX]

 

It is a mindset even where it is perfectly possible to walk! Being able to walk to school and to bike to work were the most important criteria for us in our choice of a house. Of all the people with kids on our street, we were the only ones who walked to school - everybody else drove, even though it is entirely possible and easy to walk: half a mile to the elementary, a bit less than a mile to middle and Jr high. But people look at me as if I had two heads when I talked about walking to school.

 

True. It's not something that most Americans think of, in general. I just get frustrated because I do think of it, and where I live it's literally impossible to have a walking lifestyle.

[Joker]

Okay. You're right, you would look better with another 20 pounds on you. It sounds like you might have an issue, especially if you go into middle age and still cannot put on anymore weight. I am *almost* 5'7" and to stay at 108 would be borderline eating disorder for me, and I have very small bones. You might want to have your thyroid looked at.

 

 

 

My dh is tall and entirely too skinny. His dr really wants him to put on weight. Most of the men in dh's family are tall and too skinny. They're also, for the most part, perfectly healthy. Dh can eat more in one meal than I do all day, but the weight just drops off of him. All of his blood work is normal, it's just genetics. Both dds seem to be following in his footsteps. They eat constantly but are tall and so skinny. I think genetics play a bigger part in weight than most people realize.

 

Also, as far as the damage done by those overweight and obese, I don't see it in my circle. Most of my extended family is obese but they're healthy and active. They work, volunteer, play with grandkids. Most even go snow skiing every year and have a blast - no injuries. My gpa was definitely obese and ate fried food every stinking day, but lived a healthy 93 years. His dr said he was healthier than many of the 30 year olds he would see. He never needed any meds for cholesterol, blood pressure, or anything else. So, those who are obese in my own circle and family aren't costing anyone anything and are doing rather well. I get it's not the norm with everyone but I have a real problem when everyone with a certain body shape are lumped in together. It's more complex than that.

[OH_Homeschooler]

Watching someone you love do something that is slowly killing them and lowering their and your own quality of life is agonizing and I sure wouldn't blow it off as just a risk of living when it isn't.

 

But you can't make someone change. They have to do it on their own. They have to be ready to make the change. If you try to force it on them (many people, of course not everyone) it only leads to bad feelings, which we know can also lead to overeating and resentment.

 

And trust me, I've lived this. My siblings and I grew up doing every thing we could think of to get my mom to quit smoking, as if she didn't want to quit? As if she didn't hate that it was expensive, stinky and bad for her health? Finally, several YEARS after her first open-heart surgery she was able to quit. It had nothing to do with anyone nagging her.

 

As far as weight, anytime anyone in my family (growing up) would raise the issue with me, no matter how lovingly, I felt ashamed. After a confrontation, I hid in my room and ate junk food. I WISH we just had a different lifestyle as a family so we were all getting more activity and eating better and had better relationships with food. But I don't know how you impose those sorts of changes on adults in your life.

 

Eventually, on my own I discovered that I actually liked certain kinds of exercise (not the stuff I was ever forced to do in PE...weird). I educated myself on healthy eating and lived at a normal weight for a while. Now after all these kids I'm needing a change again and I'm working on it. But not at anyone else's suggestion.

[nmoira]

But how to handle it personally is what's being asked.

 

Should friends and family refuse to offer rides to anywhere they think a fat person should walk?

 

Should care givers refuse to feed more than they think is a reasonable diet?

 

What about seating? I have a relative that literally can't sit on my furniture. If I wasn't willing to let her sit on my stone fireplace, she would not be able to visit unless she stood the entire time, which she can't do.

 

Accidents and medical things out of our control happens. But we usually try to avoid it.

 

Watching someone you love do something that is slowly killing them and lowering their and your own quality of life is agonizing and I sure wouldn't blow it off as just a risk of living when it isn't.

 

Would you tell someone you love you were worried about a risky behaviour or unhealthy life choice? Most of us would, at least under some circumstances. Would you choose shaming as a way to communicate your message? Nagging? Would you let them know you'll help if they asked? Would you listen to their fears and respect their feelings? Would you treat them like a human being or as a condition?

[I.Dup.]

Barbara Curtis had an interesting article on this but I cannot find it now because she is dead and I guess her family took down her blog. :crying: She struggled throughout her life with being overweight and was very ashamed. She once wrote something along the lines of wishing people who loved her cared more about her to talk about it honestly and mention it to her more often. It's hard to know how to do that when someone you love is eating their way into obesity, without shaming them. As many have posted it has to be their decision.

 

Barbara died of a stroke 3 months ago. She had recently put back on quite a bit of weight (which she talked openly about) and had several health complications before her death.

[Lisbeth]

Bingo. A quote from the NPR article Nmoira linked further down:

 

 

One of the experts who takes issue with Flegal's conclusions is epidemiologist Walter Willett of the Harvard School of Public Health. He has read her new paper and says he's not buying it.

"This study is really a pile of rubbish, and no one should waste their time reading it," he says.

Willett says it's not helpful to look simply at how body mass indexes, or BMIs, influence the risk of premature death, as this paper did, without knowing something about people's health or fitness. Some people are thin because they're ill, so of course they're at higher risk of dying. The study doesn't tease this apart.

 

What he doesn't mention is that people who are exceptionally fit with a very low percentage of body fat and a high muscle mass are also being lumped into the BMI pool. No comment on the shaming article because it isn't worthy of comment, but I can't agree that 20 extra pounds of fat are essentially healthier.

 

:iagree:

[SKL]

I do get a little irritated at the suggestion that my kid needs intervention based on her BMI. She is 6yo and only recently graduated from size 3 to 4 in shorts and skirts. She's compact and muscular and healthy. Bah.

[Lisbeth]

Well, I imagine I'll be a "skinny old woman", since I was a skinny child, teen and adult. I'm 5'7" and 108 pounds, and yes, I'd look better with another 20 pounds or so. But it isn't happening without forcing myself to eat things I don't want to, tracking every calorie, and basically making my life revolve around food. Ive tried it, with a nutritionist, and its no way to live. It's just not worth it to look better so society can be happy not to look at my gross, skinny and soon to be old self.

 

But as long as I shuffle along in sweatshirts with kittens on them and get a perm and blue rinse in my hair, I suppose no one can accuse me of "trying too hard", eh? God forbid I wear anything trendy?

 

Seriously, do you not get how bizarre and offensive your statement is?

 

Yep. It is acceptable all of our lives if we are thin for others to comment on our weight. It will continue when we are old. We will be "trying too hard." I am resigned to it...and just chalk it up to unhappy people needing to spread it around. Said to my face, I would def. snap back on that person's appearance (I am not longer the child doormat I once was.) As a societal sentiment...well, meh. Let them eat cake. LOL!

[SKL]

My sister used to say that hearing people mention her eating or weight only made her eat more. Everyone is different.

[kitten18]

Okay. You're right, you would look better with another 20 pounds on you. It sounds like you might have an issue, especially if you go into middle age and still cannot put on anymore weight. I am *almost* 5'7" and to stay at 108 would be borderline eating disorder for me, and I have very small bones. You might want to have your thyroid looked at.

 

I don't see my comment as anymore offensive than an overweight person saying that she thinks other overweight people look very unattractive when they wear clothes that are way too small on them or whatever. And I'm okay that all of my opinions are not PC.

Just digging deeper and deeper.

[skimomma]

Okay. You're right, you would look better with another 20 pounds on you. It sounds like you might have an issue, especially if you go into middle age and still cannot put on anymore weight. I am *almost* 5'7" and to stay at 108 would be borderline eating disorder for me, and I have very small bones. You might want to have your thyroid looked at.

 

 

 

Ouch. I have stayed out of this conversation because I honestly have no idea what the solution is....other than NOT shaming. For the most part, I see it as none of my business. But seriously, I cannot see how the comment above is any less offensive than picking on overweight people. I am 5'8" and 110 pounds. I do not have a medical problem. My doctor is not concerned. I do not think I would look better with 20 more pounds on me. I like the way I look and I feel good. And I certainly do not have an eating disorder of any type. I have always been thin despite being from a family of obese people. I eat a balanced diet with occasional treats and I exercise daily....not to lose weight but because it is good for me both physically and psychologically. Not that it would work anyway.....I am nearly 40 yo and my weight has been the same, other then when pregnant, my entire adult life regardless of eating and exercise habits. And it is comments like this that get people instantly taken off my list of people I might want to hang with. Why is it any more OK to speculate and comment on a person's weight just because they are thin than it would be to do the same about someone overweight. I cannot imagine saying to anyone "You're right, you would look better with 20 LESS pounds on you." Do you know the poster this was directed at IRL? How do you know she would look better? And who cares anyway?!?!

[I.Dup.]

Guys, there is no need to explain your body type or food choices to me. I don't know you. Certainly if you feel good about your weight (and that was part of my point, skinny people tend to enjoy being skinny and work hard to stay that way, esp. as we age, so I have no idea why we should act like we're all offended when someone comments about how skinny we are). I'm sorry for my ungracious comments, I don't know what got into me. Please forgive me and just ignore my stupidity.

[nukeswife]

Well, I'm sorry to be such a burden to you all. Yes I'm obese, I'm one of those with a BMI of 32. I'm 5'3" and weigh 184lbs. Most people that see me and hear my weight say "NO WAY, you can't weigh that much" My weight is distributed well apparently. I wear a size 14. I'm perfectly capable of moving around just fine thank you very much. I can fit in a seat at a restaurant just fine thank you very much. I take care of my kids and play with them and run around with them just fine thank you very much.

 

I don't need anyone to remind me that I'm not that "Ideal" weight that somebody who isn't me decided was perfect.

 

My brother is rail thin. He's got a body fat of something like 5%. He wears a size 29" waist pants and has to wear a belt because they would fall off otherwise. Well he's cost a lot more money for his insurance company that I have because he has issues with his shoulder that have caused him to need multiple surgeries and treatments etc.

 

My doctor just scolded me for not coming in for 3 years because nothing has been wrong with me. All of my lab work says I'm fine, except I have Low vitamin D. My blood pressure is always spot on perfect and my cholesterol is also fine.

 

So please be careful when you say Obese people effect others and are a drain on society. There are plenty of people that have no weight issues, but have other medical problems that cause insurance rates to go up and the like.

[Cafdog]

I'm fat. I own a mirror. 'Nuff said.

[Kalmia]

I am SURE that there was recently published a study that said just the opposite. That the more you shame an overweight person the less likely they are to listen. Hopefully, I can turn up the link to it later and post it.

 

Here it is, from Yale no less:

http://www.yaleruddc...ns_IJO_9.12.pdf

 

People come in all shapes and sizes. Healthy eating is a good fit for all. Focus on the fun of cooking healthy food, not the shaming of a whole lot of smart, kind, silly, talented, peaceful, delightful people.

[Annie Laurie]

If you think this doesn't happen you are mistaken. Sadly, shaming, belittling, rudeness, and out right hostility is very much acceptable behavior towards thin people.

 

Have you ever heard someone say to an overweight person, "Ugh, You make me sick. Look at you. I hate you. You're such a %itch."

 

Cause I've heard it many many times in my life. And, no, do not try to pass off such remarks as joking or playful compliments. If anyone thinks that using such language is acceptable and shouldn't be taken seriously.....just imagine to yourself someone saying the exact same words to an overweight person.

 

There is a double standard when it comes to comments on people's weight. It seems to be perfectly acceptable to "pick on" and be rude to thin people, yet if anyone ever said those words to an overweight person, the speaker would be viewed as a horrible person. Yet, when people make such comments to me, everyone around laughs and sometimes joins in the "fun."

 

So, yeah discrimination and shaming very much happens to thin people. Frankly, it needs to be recognized (and treated as such) that a person's weight has nothing to do with the respect that each human being deserves.

 

Yes. I had complete strangers ask me "Do you ever eat?" and "Do you have an eating disorder?" I experienced a lot of hostility and aggression from other females especially.

[Murphy101]

To me, it's not the weight that's unattractive.

It's the unhealthiness that's unattractive.

[Audrey]

What's all this about "I already get shamed because I'm skinny/fat/etc" stuff? There are always going to be women who are catty to each other all the time. If you're not a skinny-minny, you're a big fat-a$$. If you're not a teeny-little-shorty, you're a giant Amazon. If you're not a pretty princess, you're an ugly *itch.

 

We can sit around all day long and say "oh poor me, I get picked on and it hurts my feelings" or, you can just look those nay-sayers straight in the eye and say "my fabulousness and I kindly ask you to go eff yourself."

 

My fabulousness is 6-feet tall and a fat-a$$ 190-195 pounds. I used to be much, much heavier, and there was a self-punishing period where I was nearly half that weight. Shame doesn't help either way. I was beating myself up inside enough for a whole army of soul-stomping *itches. Having more people doing wouldn't have changed a thing. People change their habits when they have the motivation to do so. That motivation has to come from within them.

[Laura Corin]

That's rather vague. What kind of damage do you mean?

 

ETA: Taxes and premiums may increase but the justifications for increasing those premiums may not be backed up by solid research.

 

 

Extra weight puts strain on joints, spine, etc. Here's one article.

 

Laura

[Laura Corin]

Other people''s choices will always affect me. I could be killed tomorrow by a drunken driver, even though there are plenty of laws in place to prevent such a thing from happening.

 

 

 

I agree with you. I was replying to the specific assertion that a person's obesity has no effect on the person standing next to them, unlike a person smoking.

 

Laura

[Cassy]

Yes. I had complete strangers ask me "Do you ever eat?" and "Do you have an eating disorder?" I experienced a lot of hostility and aggression from other females especially.

 

 

Yes, I've been called an "anorexic *itch", and I'm not even all thin - at 5' 8" my lowest weight has been 130 lbs - I'm probably about 135 lbs now, and DH says "nicely curvy".

[Pawz4me]

As a height-challenged person, I've always been fascinated by the things that fall out of some peoples' mouths, apparently with no brain involvement at all. I've always thought it was incredibly rude to comment on anyone's appearance at all unless it's in a complimentary way. I don't care of it's weight, hair color, hairstyle, piercings, tattoos, height, birthmarks, whatever. It's just not any of your (generic "your") business unless asked.

[Lisbeth]

I say go libertarian on this one. Underweight or overweight, eating the wrong food, drinking all of the wrong things, smoking, etc...I say go for it, but whatever happens as a result should be on the individual to own up to and deal with. It shouldn't be on everyone else to pay for/deal with someone else's bad habits.

 

In other words, I would vote - no shaming, no pushing, no criticism, - but no bailouts, either.

 

Personal responsibility - if everyone just went with that, I'd be very happy.