Rebecca VA Posted October 17, 2012 Share Posted October 17, 2012 (edited) Please talk me through this situation. My 15-year-old posts on an online site called Witty Profiles. It's sort of diary-like, though it's not very literary. It's mostly a collection of statements that teens find profound and relevant to their own lives. There are many posts about cutting, suicide, heartbreak, and eating disorders, as well as teen smart-aleck posts. My daughter has been a member there for about six months. Until last weekend, her profile contained her photo, her first name, her birth date, her school, and other identifying information. She would post long, very personal information -- names of her crushes and how much she loved them, how she felt about people in her life, how her life was a mess, etc. The posts were so revealing that it was scary to think they were on the Internet. She did not know I knew she had a profile. I would read it occasionally, just to check on her well-being. She's in a new school this year, living away from home (though actually very close geographically), and very much challenged socially. She hasn't found a group of friends yet, and the social expectations at the school are very high. She cries a lot. She has a crush on a boy who doesn't want a relationship at this time. She needs support, which I'm trying to give, but she also needs supervision, because she simply doesn't have a lot of common sense. I have no trouble with the fact that she has personal feelings and needs to express them. She can write in a diary (a real one) or see a counselor if she wants to let her feelings out. But putting her deepest, darkest thoughts on the Internet next to her name and photo? Not too wise. BTW, Witty Profiles is linked to Facebook, so you can see the names of your Facebook friends who are also Witty Profile users. It wouldn't take much for someone in real life to find her profile and spread it all over school. So last weekend I sat her down and told her she had to take her profile down. She was shocked and horrified to learn that I had been reading her profile. She felt totally humiliated. I told her that I wasn't going to comment about the content of her posts. We were only going to talk about putting personal information on the Internet. I had to force her to stay in the room until I finished talking (she wanted to run out and erase every post so her Dad and I wouldn't see them anymore). I told her that she could put up a profile that was completely anonymous if she wanted to, with no identifying information in it. I told her she could see a counselor if she wanted to. There was a lot she could do, but she could *not* put information on the Internet that was so deeply personal, and which could so easily be traced back to her. OK, ladies, did I do right or wrong? She lacks common sense. She has had several Internet safety courses at school, and she knows what is appropriate, but she disregards all the safety rules. I told her that when a person posts something on the Internet, they forfeit all expectation of privacy. It would be an invasion of privacy for me to go in her room and read her diary (unless she were in danger somehow), but in my opinion it is not an invasion of privacy to read something that is available for billions of other people to read. I think about stories I read -- almost every day -- about girls who run off with people they met on the Internet, about the girl who posted topless pictures of herself and they came back to haunt her, and all manner of other terrible situations. If their parents had been more diligent, would these tragedies have still happened? When does privacy become more important than a foolish teen's safety? Edited October 17, 2012 by Rebecca VA Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kathryn Posted October 17, 2012 Share Posted October 17, 2012 I think you handled it exactly right and you made your point well about there being no privacy online with names/locations attached. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thescrappyhomeschooler Posted October 17, 2012 Share Posted October 17, 2012 I don't think anyone should expect any level of privacy if they post on the internet. It's out there for everyone to see. I think you did the right thing by making her take down the identifying information and by not commenting on the content. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Haiku Posted October 17, 2012 Share Posted October 17, 2012 OK, ladies, did I do right or wrong? No, you did not do wrong, and her privacy was not violated. If she wrote this stuff and put it out there for the world to see, with her name and photo attached, she has zero expectation of privacy. What she is doing is dangerous, and it's fine for you to put a stop to it. Maybe this is the wake-up call she needed. Tara Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jentancalann Posted October 17, 2012 Share Posted October 17, 2012 I think you were absolutely right and handled the conversation appropriately. It was def not an invasion of privacy if it's on the Internet. You did good. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted October 17, 2012 Share Posted October 17, 2012 I think you handled it just fine. If I knew my 15 year old lacked that judgement, and I do, then I wouldn't allow Internet use. Which I don't for him. There are computer diaries that are not online. (((Hugs))) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regentrude Posted October 17, 2012 Share Posted October 17, 2012 You did the right thing. Information posted publicly on the Internet is not private - they need to learn that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garga Posted October 17, 2012 Share Posted October 17, 2012 I think from the second you said, "I read your profile," she got the lesson that nothing online is private. And I'm not sure there would have been any other way to handle the situation. It was dangerous. As painful as it was for her, it was necessary. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ErinE Posted October 17, 2012 Share Posted October 17, 2012 You did the right thing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kitten18 Posted October 17, 2012 Share Posted October 17, 2012 No, you did not do wrong, and her privacy was not violated. If she wrote this stuff and put it out there for the world to see, with her name and photo attached, she has zero expectation of privacy. What she is doing is dangerous, and it's fine for you to put a stop to it. Maybe this is the wake-up call she needed. Tara :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted October 17, 2012 Share Posted October 17, 2012 :grouphug: Your parenting days are not over yet. I think you handled it well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
In the Rain Posted October 17, 2012 Share Posted October 17, 2012 I don't think anyone should expect any level of privacy if they post on the internet. It's out there for everyone to see. I think you did the right thing by making her take down the identifying information and by not commenting on the content. :grouphug: :iagree: I think from the second you said, "I read your profile," she got the lesson that nothing online is private. And I'm not sure there would have been any other way to handle the situation. It was dangerous. As painful as it was for her, it was necessary. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remudamom Posted October 17, 2012 Share Posted October 17, 2012 Absolutely right. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mabelen Posted October 17, 2012 Share Posted October 17, 2012 You were absolutely spot on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MAIMOM Posted October 17, 2012 Share Posted October 17, 2012 (edited) [QUOTE] You did a great job in teaching her a life lesson = nothing posted on a "public" site is private. Once something is posted it never goes away. You can erase it but it is still cataloged somewhere. That means it can come to haunt you years later. Our kids need to be taught that. FB has over 120 privacy settings. They also have you agree to the collection of all your info by the government. The last line in the privacy policy, after all this jargon about respecting information and privacy settings and protecting information we have this in bold type with no further explanation: “Consent to Collection and Processing in the United States. By using Facebook you consent to having your personal data transferred to and processed in the United States.” There is a good brief of info on the privacy of the internet put out by the navy. Your daughter might listen to if coming from someone else as they talk about real life situations that have to be considered. I found the info highly informative also. The main point is it is called WWW World Wide Web Every post, Every picture, every detail is there forever! This is the link if your interested http://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=1&ved=0CCIQFjAA&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.cpf.navy.mil%2Fstaff%2Fn2n39%2Ftraining%2FOPSEC_and_Social_Networking.ppt&ei=7LR Edited October 17, 2012 by MAIMOM Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bobbeym Posted October 17, 2012 Share Posted October 17, 2012 I think you did the right thing. Nothing posted online with identifying information can be claimed as being private information. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted October 17, 2012 Share Posted October 17, 2012 You did well. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted October 17, 2012 Share Posted October 17, 2012 No, you did not do wrong, and her privacy was not violated. If she wrote this stuff and put it out there for the world to see, with her name and photo attached, she has zero expectation of privacy. What she is doing is dangerous, and it's fine for you to put a stop to it. Maybe this is the wake-up call she needed. Tara :iagree: Her choices are dangerous on many levels. Better that she feel this pain in realizing that her parents who love her read this than down the road when a predator reads it or she is bullied in school. Also, you might consider showing her just how damaging this sort of thing can be for future jobs. Once this stuff is on the internet, it's there for.ev.er. and there are people who pay thousands of dollars to have their online lives cleaned up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
In The Great White North Posted October 17, 2012 Share Posted October 17, 2012 This is the link if your interested http://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j...ing.ppt&ei=7LR I got a message about power point not being able to read the outline for it and no text converter being available for this? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NanceXToo Posted October 17, 2012 Share Posted October 17, 2012 You handled it perfectly! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annandatje Posted October 17, 2012 Share Posted October 17, 2012 I don't think anyone should expect any level of privacy if they post on the internet. It's out there for everyone to see. I think you did the right thing by making her take down the identifying information and by not commenting on the content. :grouphug: I think the original poster did her daughter a huge favor. This is also a timely reminder for us WTM members. Identifying information can be the details of a story, not just a poster's photo or real life name. I would be quite upset to find deeply personal information about me posted by a friend or family member on a forum. A quick look at the cache file is like following footprints in the snow. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kalypso Posted October 17, 2012 Share Posted October 17, 2012 We had a similar situation with our dd last year. She was devastated that dh and I read some of her posts, but it was truly a lesson in realizing that nothing on the internet is private. We thought she understood that, but obviously she didn't. OP, I think you handled the situation well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted October 17, 2012 Share Posted October 17, 2012 The subject line and content do not match. Writing intimate/personal information to share with the internet is different than keeping a personal diary. For the situation, I think you did the right thing. I DO think that teens deserve PRIVATE space for stuff and thoghts unless there are signs of suicidal ideation or drugs or abuse (of a significant other, etc). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted October 17, 2012 Share Posted October 17, 2012 I think you handled it exactly right and you made your point well about there being no privacy online with names/locations attached. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momtokea Posted October 17, 2012 Share Posted October 17, 2012 You absolutely did the right thing. Google what happened to 15 year old Amanda Todd. Show it to your dd. It is very serious and could happen to anyone of any age, but I think teenagers are especially vulnerable. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Audrey Posted October 17, 2012 Share Posted October 17, 2012 If she posted it on the internet, it was never private to begin with. I think you handled it very well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted October 17, 2012 Share Posted October 17, 2012 I don't think anyone should expect any level of privacy if they post on the internet. It's out there for everyone to see. I think you did the right thing by making her take down the identifying information and by not commenting on the content. :grouphug: :iagree: We start with the premise that nothing on the Internet is completely private. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TammyS Posted October 17, 2012 Share Posted October 17, 2012 It would be an invasion of privacy for me to go in her room and read her diary (unless she were in danger somehow), but in my opinion it is not an invasion of privacy to read something that is available for billions of other people to read. :grouphug::iagree: I agree with you completely, and would actually upbraid her for being so foolish and dangerous. If she wants to have "private business" she needs to KEEP IT PRIVATE. Even if no one of a dangerous nature does anything with this information, there is her future to consider. Would she want a potential husband to read it? A MIL? A potential boss? Her own children? The keeping powers of the internet are bad enough for all of us. I think it is imperative that parents safeguard their children's futures by not letting them put foolish, in the moment, teenage stuff out there, never to be retrieved (her profile may be down, but this IS out there now and someone motivated to learn about her could find it). :grouphug::grouphug: She's not going to be happy with you for a while, but you can just look at this like you would a medical procedure. It might hurt her for a while and she might not understand, but you are doing your duty. Even if she NEVER appreciates it, it's still the right thing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ocelotmom Posted October 17, 2012 Share Posted October 17, 2012 OK, ladies, did I do right or wrong? She lacks common sense. She has had several Internet safety courses at school, and she knows what is appropriate, but she disregards all the safety rules. I told her that when a person posts something on the Internet, they forfeit all expectation of privacy. It would be an invasion of privacy for me to go in her room and read her diary (unless she were in danger somehow), but in my opinion it is not an invasion of privacy to read something that is available for billions of other people to read. Maybe the right-est thing would have been to stop reading as soon as you realized it was personal, but the discussion was, I think, exactly right. Realizing that your mom can easily find your postings drives it home that anyone else could as well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted October 17, 2012 Share Posted October 17, 2012 Thank goodness it was you who came to her with concerns instead of a cruel classmate with taunts. You did the right thing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SonshineLearner Posted October 17, 2012 Share Posted October 17, 2012 I probably wouldn't have let her know that I read it, I'd keep that part to myself. BUT, I wouldn't want it out there next to her name. There are other spots for online diaries. I would want to have passwords for everything. That being said, I know that my daughter has a spot she writes on with my step-daughter. I don't like it... but if it's something I can't see... and others can't find it... I'll deal with it... For your daughter, I'd remind her that EVERYONE can see hers that knows her... even the crushes and her teachers... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MAIMOM Posted October 18, 2012 Share Posted October 18, 2012 I got a message about power point not being able to read the outline for it and no text converter being available for this? Oh shoot....Well you can get to it by googling opsec in social media ( opsec stands for operational security). The first thing that comes up will be OPSEC and social networking - US Navy click on that Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elizabeth in MN Posted October 18, 2012 Share Posted October 18, 2012 Nothing on the Internet is private, not a blessed thing. Even when a company swear privacy that company can change hands and the new company will put it on Google. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TranquilMind Posted October 18, 2012 Share Posted October 18, 2012 Please talk me through this situation. My 15-year-old posts on an online site called Witty Profiles. It's sort of diary-like, though it's not very literary. It's mostly a collection of statements that teens find profound and relevant to their own lives. There are many posts about cutting, suicide, heartbreak, and eating disorders, as well as teen smart-aleck posts. My daughter has been a member there for about six months. Until last weekend, her profile contained her photo, her first name, her birth date, her school, and other identifying information. She would post long, very personal information -- names of her crushes and how much she loved them, how she felt about people in her life, how her life was a mess, etc. The posts were so revealing that it was scary to think they were on the Internet. She did not know I knew she had a profile. I would read it occasionally, just to check on her well-being. She's in a new school this year, living away from home (though actually very close geographically), and very much challenged socially. She hasn't found a group of friends yet, and the social expectations at the school are very high. She cries a lot. She has a crush on a boy who doesn't want a relationship at this time. She needs support, which I'm trying to give, but she also needs supervision, because she simply doesn't have a lot of common sense. I have no trouble with the fact that she has personal feelings and needs to express them. She can write in a diary (a real one) or see a counselor if she wants to let her feelings out. But putting her deepest, darkest thoughts on the Internet next to her name and photo? Not too wise. BTW, Witty Profiles is linked to Facebook, so you can see the names of your Facebook friends who are also Witty Profile users. It wouldn't take much for someone in real life to find her profile and spread it all over school. So last weekend I sat her down and told her she had to take her profile down. She was shocked and horrified to learn that I had been reading her profile. She felt totally humiliated. I told her that I wasn't going to comment about the content of her posts. We were only going to talk about putting personal information on the Internet. I had to force her to stay in the room until I finished talking (she wanted to run out and erase every post so her Dad and I wouldn't see them anymore). I told her that she could put up a profile that was completely anonymous if she wanted to, with no identifying information in it. I told her she could see a counselor if she wanted to. There was a lot she could do, but she could *not* put information on the Internet that was so deeply personal, and which could so easily be traced back to her. OK, ladies, did I do right or wrong? She lacks common sense. She has had several Internet safety courses at school, and she knows what is appropriate, but she disregards all the safety rules. I told her that when a person posts something on the Internet, they forfeit all expectation of privacy. It would be an invasion of privacy for me to go in her room and read her diary (unless she were in danger somehow), but in my opinion it is not an invasion of privacy to read something that is available for billions of other people to read. I think about stories I read -- almost every day -- about girls who run off with people they met on the Internet, about the girl who posted topless pictures of herself and they came back to haunt her, and all manner of other terrible situations. If their parents had been more diligent, would these tragedies have still happened? When does privacy become more important than a foolish teen's safety? Online? Heck, no. There is no privacy online. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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