caitlinsmom Posted October 16, 2012 Share Posted October 16, 2012 Today I stumbled upon some posts on another forum that were written about me. I had received lots of traffic from this site so I thought I would check it out. Turns out it's someone very close to me has been writing all sorts of things about me and how clueless I am to the real world. She even went so far as to attack choices I made during childbirth. I have had a rough time with the person involved lately because of the increased amount of meanness she exudes in regards to everything. I know of her situation and understand why she is filled with such negative emotion however that doesn't excuse tearing someone apart even online. I understand not liking a comment someone makes but to publicly bash them and take said comment(s) out of context all for the sake of appearing more intelligent, justified, etc just doesn't make sense to me. How am I supposed to talk with someone who is just waiting to bash with no reason. I'm sad because of it, mostly because in the end I have lost my two closest "best" friends in one year. I already feel alone enough on a day to day basis with no one besides dh to talk with. With the last ruse of friendship shattered I just feel plain crappy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lovedtodeath Posted October 16, 2012 Share Posted October 16, 2012 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted October 16, 2012 Share Posted October 16, 2012 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wendi Posted October 16, 2012 Share Posted October 16, 2012 :grouphug::grouphug: I'm so sorry. Wendi Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted October 16, 2012 Share Posted October 16, 2012 :grouphug::grouphug: I'm sorry. She sounds pretty clueless if she doesn't realize linking from a public forum will be visible to you. Sounds like she wasn't really a "friend" at all. I am sorry. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TammyS Posted October 16, 2012 Share Posted October 16, 2012 How am I supposed to talk with someone who is just waiting to bash with no reason. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: You *aren't* supposed to talk to people like that. It won't do you any good. It won't do them any good. It's just a recipe for heartbreak. I am so sorry about your loss of friends. The same thing happened to me this past spring. I understand how much you are hurting right now. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest inoubliable Posted October 16, 2012 Share Posted October 16, 2012 :grouphug: I went through something almost exactly like this just in the last couple of months. I am no longer friends with this person. It took me a while to really realize that I was never really friends with this person. I am sorry you had to find out that your "friend" was this type of person and hurt you like this. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justamouse Posted October 16, 2012 Share Posted October 16, 2012 :grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AStableBeginning Posted October 16, 2012 Share Posted October 16, 2012 :grouphug: sorry you are having to deal with this! :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QuirkyKapers Posted October 16, 2012 Share Posted October 16, 2012 :grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkey Island Academy Posted October 16, 2012 Share Posted October 16, 2012 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fraidycat Posted October 16, 2012 Share Posted October 16, 2012 :grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HappyLady Posted October 16, 2012 Share Posted October 16, 2012 I'm so sorry. :grouphug: I understand how you feel. I had a "friend" for 10 years and then we had a disagreement. It was the first time it had ever happened, but I didn't think our friendship would end over it. I was in the middle of writing an email to her explaining my feelings when she went on a forum we're both on and told our situation. She didn't mention me personally and naturally she only told her side. Of course everyone sided with her and told her to get rid of me as a friend, and this was from people who are friends with me IRL and had no idea what was going on! It hurt a lot. Then she was talking on her Facebook wall about me and I couldn't believe how she felt on my choices in life. It made me never trust anyone to be my friend ever again because the whole time we were friends I thought she respected my decisions even though we were total opposites. Again, I'm sorry you're going through this. It's not easy. :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChiMomNP Posted October 16, 2012 Share Posted October 16, 2012 I'm so sorry. This is why I really, really, really shy away from female friendships. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Delirium Posted October 16, 2012 Share Posted October 16, 2012 I'm sorry you're dealing with this :hug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tex-mex Posted October 16, 2012 Share Posted October 16, 2012 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laundrycrisis Posted October 16, 2012 Share Posted October 16, 2012 I'm sorry. :grouphug: Even when you know the person wasn't really a friend worth having in the first place, it still hurts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freeindeed Posted October 16, 2012 Share Posted October 16, 2012 :grouphug: I'm sorry this is happening to you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
southcarolinamom Posted October 16, 2012 Share Posted October 16, 2012 :grouphug: That totally stinks. I'm sorry you are having to deal with this situation. Bleah. Come see the Hive any time for our virtual hugs and advice! We love ya! :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hen Posted October 16, 2012 Share Posted October 16, 2012 I am so sorry. What a crappy way to find out what she thinks of you. I think this means she isn't a friend. At least you found out, instead of innocently giving her more forum-fodder every time you saw her. I can't believe she linked to you. hugs. I am so sorry, I hope you meet some better people soon. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stripe Posted October 16, 2012 Share Posted October 16, 2012 how clueless I am to the real world. She even went so far as to attack choices I made during childbirth. ? Unless you manufactured an alien baby, I'd say childbirth is about as real as it gets. That is so inappropriate. Too bad she's so clueless about the fact that you can see where she is broadcasting from. I might be tempted to post something indicating I know what she is up to due to her public posts, but, gosh, that is just so bizarre. Why can't people collect stamps in their spare time instead of bashing others? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rebel Yell Posted October 16, 2012 Share Posted October 16, 2012 :grouphug: People can be so hurtful. So sorry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elizabeth in MN Posted October 17, 2012 Share Posted October 17, 2012 Well, it's good that you found out what she's really like. I say dump her and have some ice cream. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrsBasil Posted October 17, 2012 Share Posted October 17, 2012 :grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NASDAQ Posted October 17, 2012 Share Posted October 17, 2012 Do you have a blog that they were talking about? :grouphug: It's all very high school. I found someone online who said they hoped my uterus fell out with the next baby, or something equally charming. What are you going to do with some people . . . but at least they shouldn't pretend to be friends. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lizzie in Ma Posted October 17, 2012 Share Posted October 17, 2012 Wow, she's got issues. :grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Haiku Posted October 17, 2012 Share Posted October 17, 2012 You should probably comment on that forum thread so she knows she's busted. Tara Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jen+4dc Posted October 17, 2012 Share Posted October 17, 2012 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: You *aren't* supposed to talk to people like that. It won't do you any good. It won't do them any good. It's just a recipe for heartbreak. :iagree: I'm sorry. :grouphug: Even when you know the person wasn't really a friend worth having in the first place, it still hurts. :iagree::grouphug: You should probably comment on that forum thread so she knows she's busted. Tara :iagree: Maybe that will stop further comments from her. Or maybe not, but if you're polite about it then she's still in the wrong and you can move on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammyla Posted October 17, 2012 Share Posted October 17, 2012 What a horrible way to treat a friend or anyone for that matter. I'm sorry.:grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
8circles Posted October 17, 2012 Share Posted October 17, 2012 Wow. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: That really hurts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kathryn Posted October 17, 2012 Share Posted October 17, 2012 :grouphug: she's not your friend. That's not how friends behave. I'd be tempted to comment on the site also. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommy22alyns Posted October 17, 2012 Share Posted October 17, 2012 :grouphug: I'm sorry, that really sucks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
celticmom Posted October 17, 2012 Share Posted October 17, 2012 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TranquilMind Posted October 17, 2012 Share Posted October 17, 2012 caitlinsmom: Today I stumbled upon some posts on another forum that were written about me. I had received lots of traffic from this site so I thought I would check it out. Turns out it's someone very close to me has been writing all sorts of things about me and how clueless I am to the real world. She even went so far as to attack choices I made during childbirth. Are you sure? Unless you were exceedingly specific, it could be about someone else. There are millions of people in the world. I have had a rough time with the person involved lately because of the increased amount of meanness she exudes in regards to everything. I know of her situation and understand why she is filled with such negative emotion however that doesn't excuse tearing someone apart even online. I understand not liking a comment someone makes but to publicly bash them and take said comment(s) out of context all for the sake of appearing more intelligent, justified, etc just doesn't make sense to me. How am I supposed to talk with someone who is just waiting to bash with no reason. You can't reason with this. This is not reasonable. I'm sad because of it, mostly because in the end I have lost my two closest "best" friends in one year. I already feel alone enough on a day to day basis with no one besides dh to talk with. With the last ruse of friendship shattered I just feel plain crappy. I'm sorry. And I hear you. I lost a best friend this year also, and the ironic part was that it wasn't even about the two of us. She has an unreasonable view of life with regard to the perfection of her children, and mine were not perfect enough. The kids still interact in one setting and like each other. Go figure. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TranquilMind Posted October 17, 2012 Share Posted October 17, 2012 I'm so sorry. :grouphug: I understand how you feel. I had a "friend" for 10 years and then we had a disagreement. It was the first time it had ever happened, but I didn't think our friendship would end over it. I was in the middle of writing an email to her explaining my feelings when she went on a forum we're both on and told our situation. She didn't mention me personally and naturally she only told her side. Of course everyone sided with her and told her to get rid of me as a friend, and this was from people who are friends with me IRL and had no idea what was going on! It hurt a lot. Then she was talking on her Facebook wall about me and I couldn't believe how she felt on my choices in life. It made me never trust anyone to be my friend ever again because the whole time we were friends I thought she respected my decisions even though we were total opposites. Again, I'm sorry you're going through this. It's not easy. :( I'm sorry! I'd be your friend and respect your opinions! I'm looking for that too. I have one friend like that, fortunately, who has lasted. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alicia64 Posted October 17, 2012 Share Posted October 17, 2012 With respect to your friend it doesn't sound like she's playing with a full deck. Also, we all have problems. That is no excuse for publicly bashing someone. An adult talks to her husband or therapist for crying out loud, but not online. Without knowing much about the situation. . . it almost sound like adult bullying. Hang in there -- when I've been lonely and disappointed by "friends" I've realized that a) I might rather be alone or b) I need to start befriending nicer, more gentle people. But -- I'll say it again -- tough life problems are not a reason to bash someone or be meant to them. The woman I know who almost lost her child to cancer is one of the nicest people I've ever met. Alley Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted October 17, 2012 Share Posted October 17, 2012 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
d.g. Posted October 17, 2012 Share Posted October 17, 2012 Are you sure? Unless you were exceedingly specific, it could be about someone else. There are millions of people in the world. I'd think the same, but the OP was following online traffic that had been sent to her site. That makes it pretty clear, doesn't it? OP. :hugs: Sometimes people never leave high school social skills (or lack thereof) behind. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SonshineLearner Posted October 17, 2012 Share Posted October 17, 2012 So sorry :( I know that it sucks to lose friends. I've lost all my friends that I had, except for one. All the work that I've done for the groups I've started, have not just come back to an "even" point, but rather a "negative" :( Seriously, I thought that by now I would have a small circle of friends, and I have none. I know exactly how it feels to be at a loss. To realize that others stink and so do I :( Still looking for a "true blue" friend that I can do things with.... Can't give up hope!!! :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
caitlinsmom Posted October 18, 2012 Author Share Posted October 18, 2012 Are you sure? Unless you were exceedingly specific, it could be about someone else. There are millions of people in the world. . Yup I am positive. Another layer to the story (of which I wasn't going to share) is that the person is more than a friend, it's my sister. :( And while the direct links to my site didn't come from that specific thread, it was in my searching for which post they came from that I found the bad thread. I have been pondering this since I found out yesterday. I am unsure if I should approach her or not. The situation is a precarious one and I am not sure I should rock the boat too much. I know that sounds slightly pathetic but there is a much larger situation that concerns me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StephanieZ Posted October 18, 2012 Share Posted October 18, 2012 Sister is waaaaayyyyy different from friend, IMHO. Assuming you have extended family (parents, nieces/nephews, etc) alive, then there is a lot more riding on your relationship than in a friendship. I would go to a lot more effort to find a way to peacefully be friendly with your sister. For a friend, I'd drop the friendship a lot more easily. I have a difficult relationship with my brother. We've gone months/years of barely speaking. I get it. Really, I do. However, we both put in the effort to make things work for our mom, not just for our own selves. It really, really matters to her. Now that our mom is facing serious health issues, I am very glad that my brother and I have put in the work to have at least a functional, caring relationship. Otherwise, we'd never be able to properly support my mom right now. So, take a chill pill. Pass the bean dip. Find a way to gently let her know you saw what she's saying (so she stops and doesn't continue to pain you) and that it hurts . . . and then, hopefully, take a bit of time to chill, passing the bean dip, playing nice . . . and, if your relationship allows it, then sit down for tea and talk it out. Families are hard, but they matter. You may need some distance for a long while, but severing the relationship is very painful for everyone and should be a VERY LAST RESORT IMHO. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kitten18 Posted October 18, 2012 Share Posted October 18, 2012 Yup I am positive. Another layer to the story (of which I wasn't going to share) is that the person is more than a friend, it's my sister. :( :crying::grouphug::crying: That is so awful. I'm so, so sorry. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SonshineLearner Posted October 18, 2012 Share Posted October 18, 2012 :grouphug: she's not your friend. That's not how friends behave. I'd be tempted to comment on the site also. :iagree: Maybe something like, "Bummer, guess we're not having tea soon" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LG Gone Wild Posted October 18, 2012 Share Posted October 18, 2012 :iagree: Maybe something like, "Bummer, guess we're not having tea soon" :grouphug: to the OP. I would post something like the above, "Sooooo, does this mean we aren't invited for Thanksgiving?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
In the Rain Posted October 18, 2012 Share Posted October 18, 2012 :grouphug: Coming from your sister, that is especially hurtful. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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