SKL Posted July 23, 2012 Share Posted July 23, 2012 I tell my kids to speak when spoken to, and to be polite to strangers. I tell them they must never go anywhere with a stranger, or let a stranger take their hand, unless I'm there and give express permission. I tell them that if anyone tries to talk them into going somewhere or getting into a closed space with them, they are to say something like "my mom is meeting me over there" and get away immediately. And of course, if anyone tries to move them physically, they are to holler and fight with everything they've got. I tell them that most people are good and would never want to hurt a child, but we need to be wise in case we encounter someone bad. What do you tell your kids? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted July 23, 2012 Share Posted July 23, 2012 Well, when dd was little and we had to address stranger danger I told her to not talk to strangers. At all. Period. End of story. The area we lived at that time was a bit unsafe. As she got older and we moved, she would look to me if someone addressed her. I gave her "the nod" as a go ahead to talk to the friendly stranger in line with us or the teller at the bank or whatever. Now at almost 13 she is able to hold her own with small talk okay. Not great, but okay. It is still very rare that she is out in public without me simply due to the nature of our live style so I'm not too terribly worried about strangers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted July 23, 2012 Share Posted July 23, 2012 Well, when dd was little and we had to address stranger danger I told her to not talk to strangers. At all. Period. End of story. The area we lived at that time was a bit unsafe. As she got older and we moved, she would look to me if someone addressed her. I gave her "the nod" as a go ahead to talk to the friendly stranger in line with us or the teller at the bank or whatever. Now at almost 13 she is able to hold her own with small talk okay. Not great, but okay. It is still very rare that she is out in public without me simply due to the nature of our live style so I'm not too terribly worried about strangers. Basically same approach here, 'cept Diva would talk to a rock if she thought it might respond :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soror Posted July 23, 2012 Share Posted July 23, 2012 They are not to go with anyone or take anything from anyone without asking me. If someone talks to them I expect them to be polite and be able to exchange niceties (once they are talking and older my 2.5 talks like crazy at home but rarely answers anyone in public). They are always with me though. My older 2 are the very chatty and friendly sort and generally talk to much, rather than too little. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katilac Posted July 23, 2012 Share Posted July 23, 2012 Pretty much what you said. The quick reminder was "yes to talking, no to walking." One thing I stress again and again is to follow your gut. If someone is making you feel funny, you act on that. You don't worry about being rude or insulting. You don't worry about embarrassing yourself - this can be a big one for teens. Anyone, really. I used to work for the heart association, and one of the slogans was "Don't die of embarrassment" b/c some people literally die of a heart attack b/c they are worried about going to the ER and being embarrassed when it turns out to be nothing. I've actually told my kids that if they ever make a scene, they will be madly rewarded no matter how wrong they turn out to be :D I've told them about Ted Bundy, and how he would wear a fake cast to appear harmless, and make people feel bad for not helping him. I've stressed that people who don't have bad intentions will understand and applaud young girls looking out for their safety. They are polite little buggars, so I really hammer on that aspect! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soror Posted July 23, 2012 Share Posted July 23, 2012 If I find someone "off" we would just nod and leave and ignore them, that doesn't usually happen though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommyof4ks Posted July 23, 2012 Share Posted July 23, 2012 We teach our kids to talk to those that they feel comfortable talking too, but if they are uncomfortable they need to find us or someone they feel they can trust and stay near them. They are never to leave with anyone they do not know or take anything from people they do not know or feel comfortable with. We focus on instinct rather than a blanket statement of don't talk to strangers, because people will make their way into your lives and build trust to get to kids, so we trust our kids when they say they are not comfortable around someone. My dd is scared enough of everything without making her think everyone is out to get her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stripe Posted July 23, 2012 Share Posted July 23, 2012 I am not fixated on strangers as being the cause of danger. Plenty of doctors (including in my area) have been convicted of child abuse/molestation of their patients, and far more family friends or relatives molest children, so that concerns me way more than strangers. I emphasize feeling something is wrong and what sorts of behaviors are wrong or weird. I also tell them to scream and get away if something threatening happens and how to try to find help, and so forth. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cdrumm4448 Posted July 23, 2012 Share Posted July 23, 2012 I tell my kids to speak when spoken to, and to be polite to strangers. I tell them they must never go anywhere with a stranger, or let a stranger take their hand, unless I'm there and give express permission. I tell them that if anyone tries to talk them into going somewhere or getting into a closed space with them, they are to say something like "my mom is meeting me over there" and get away immediately. And of course, if anyone tries to move them physically, they are to holler and fight with everything they've got. I tell them that most people are good and would never want to hurt a child, but we need to be wise in case we encounter someone bad. What do you tell your kids? :iagree: We take the necessary precautions with strangers but also train our children to respect other people. We have too many self-centered, rude people in the world today. I won't contribute two more. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tress Posted July 23, 2012 Share Posted July 23, 2012 I tell them what you told your kids. With the added explicit instruction for my oldest dd, that when in danger or scared, *or in doubt*, that there is NO need to be polite. I don't have to tell that to my 6yo :lol:, but my oldest could possibly be a bit too polite for too long. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swellmomma Posted July 23, 2012 Share Posted July 23, 2012 I have taught my kids that it is okay to talk to strangers if they are hurt or scared. I have told them it is okay to say "don't talk to me" if someone is creeping them out and to then find another person for help even if the other person is another stranger. When small I always told them even though I am okay with them talking to strangers they must never go off with one that was not a police/fire/ambulance man. When older I told them it is okay to go with a stranger mom or worker to find more help (like a mom taking them to a clerk in a store). I also teach them about block parent signs (we don't have any in this town but in our old city they were around), those people are strangers but it is okay to go inside their house to get help. I believe that because I have taught them it is okay to talk to strangers it has kept them safer. For example, 1 time my 2 big kids got lost while on a walk. They looked for a house with a basketball net, since they figured that was a sign they had kids, went up and rang the bell and asked the people to call me because they were lost. They refused to go into the home of the people and told the people they would sit on the curb to wait for me. Those people called me immediately. This was while living in the big city. Another time ds got mad at dd while they were walking around the lake by our old house and abandoned her there. She didn't know which way to go to get back to the path towards home. She stopped a couple walking their dog and they walked her to the main street, from that point she knew the way home. My biggest problem now though is having them learn when they are oversharing information kwim. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swellmomma Posted July 23, 2012 Share Posted July 23, 2012 That makes sense to me. I talk to strangers all the time. Kinda impossible not to. So telling my kids to never talk to strangers just doesn't seem quite right. That's my thinking. Too much stranger danger pounded into kids I feel prevents them from developing street smarts, and do believe those can start being taught from a very young age. I want them to be polite and articulate and learn to listen to their gut. Not all strangers are bad, just like not all people we know are good. The bulk of the people you encounter as you go about your day will be strangers. From passers by on the street, to the lady behind the bakery counter, the mail man walking by, or the meter reader in your yard. I strick up conversations with strangers in line at the walmart to pay, or with the old man sitting on the park bench. People are fascinating, I don't want my kids fearful of talking with someone new, how would they ever meet people and learn their story? It is just a matter of being smart about it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Friederike in Persia Posted July 23, 2012 Share Posted July 23, 2012 When I've asked somebody who has been abused herself what she'll do with her children to try and prevent it happening to them she replied that she'll try and keep the lines of communication open. So in addition to the suggestions above I try and ask all of mine ever so often if they ever feel uncomfortable with anybody,.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kalmia Posted July 23, 2012 Share Posted July 23, 2012 I don't want my kids to be afraid of strangers, I want them to use safe strategies. Two suggestions I heard (maybe long ago when a personal safety specialist was being interviewed on Oprah) were: 1. To avoid lost children in the first place, don't tell them to stay where you can see them. They are not aware of the extent of your vision. Tell them they must always be able to see you! 2. Explain they must never switch the people they are with without informing the people that were with them before. i.e. If you are at a fair with mommy and daddy happens by, you must return immediately to mommy and tell her you are going with daddy or if you are with your big sister and your best friend swings by on his bike, BEFORE you grab your bike, you are to run back to the big sister and tell her where you are going. So the first action when anyone asks the kid to go with them is to immediately go back to the last caretaker for approval. 3. Voices carry. There is no need to go up to a car window (within grabbing distance) or stand close to an unknown person to talk to them. Words can be exchanged from 10 feet away. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swellmomma Posted July 23, 2012 Share Posted July 23, 2012 When I've asked somebody who has been abused herself what she'll do with her children to try and prevent it happening to them she replied that she'll try and keep the lines of communication open. So in addition to the suggestions above I try and ask all of mine ever so often if they ever feel uncomfortable with anybody,.... That is a very good practice to have. I don't ask my kids, they tell me everything, even things I really don't want/need to hear. If someone has made them feel uncomfortable in anyway, they tell me almost immediately. Imagine my surprise when ds was 3 and told me teacher so and so at daycare had touched his penis. Being that is was Friday night after the daycare closed I could not confront them. We zoomed off to the hospital had him assessed. Police contacted daycare director, director got ahold of teacher so and so. Turns out he had been kicked in the crotch by another kid, teacher was worried and checked him. BUT she broke protical by not having a second teacher with her and documenting everything. She had left for the day before I picked him up so she thought she would just mention it on Monday. The daycare director brought a cake to daycare on Monday and they had a celebration in honor of ds telling a grown up when someone made him uncomfortable. I think between the positive reinforcement of telling, and the fact I always listen, that is why both of my oldest felt safe telling me right away when they were molested (different incidents, bu different abusers). Keeping those lines open is extremely vital. They tell me if someone just gives off a hinky vibe, to someone speaking in a way to make them uncomfotable to telling me when they have been assaulted. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
6packofun Posted July 23, 2012 Share Posted July 23, 2012 I also tell my kids that adults should NOT be asking kids to help them. If they are asked to help an adult they are to say, "I need to ask my mom or dad first." and then turn around and FIND me before any more conversation (convincing!) happens. Luring kids away under the guise of needing help is a TOP method for abductors. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted July 23, 2012 Share Posted July 23, 2012 Obviously I try to discourage that, and I have very very polite children, two of whom are pleasers. I am not sure they would be rude, but I basically tell them that in this day and age, most normal adults understand that parents tell their children not to engage with adults they don't know and who their parents haven't tacitly approved. So if you are at church with us during coffee hour and we are all in the fellowship room, you can talk to any adult but can't leave with one. At the mall, I haven't approved of anyone just by being there, and you are not to engage with any adult who isn't engaged with me too. So if the store clerk is waiting on me, my children are free to answer her questions because I am right there talking to her too, but if I am off looking at socks and an adult gets my kid alone, he can't engage at all. If an adult approaches you in the cul-de-sac down the street, you don't have to engage and don't need to worry too much about being polite. You are free to say, "Let me get my Mom" and if the person doesn't stop, you are free to say, "I want you to leave me alone" even if all the adult did was ask questions in a nice way. I tell them adults are really good at faking nice. I tell them not to worry about hurting feelings. There is something wrong with an adult who tries to talk to and get information from a child without the parent's tacit approval. My kids know that if they are lost, they are to pick an adult who seems safe, not wait for someone to approach them, and that the safe person will be a Mom with a child. So in that sense, I have taught them that women are safer than men and Moms are safer than women without children. But when it comes to someone else initiating with them, all bets are off. Every adult who does that is suspect, and they should worry more about being safe than being polite. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NotSoObvious Posted July 23, 2012 Share Posted July 23, 2012 This is an excellent program if you have a teacher in your area. http://www.radkids.org/ They deal with some heavy safety issues in a very age-appropriate non-alarmist manner. It was the best class my kids have taken and came highly recommended by our therapist. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LittleIzumi Posted July 23, 2012 Share Posted July 23, 2012 (edited) They are free to chat with strangers if they are with I or dh. (And they do, often. They love talking to grownups.) If we are not there, they can say "hi" and that's it. And to never, ever go with a stranger (not even to find a puppy or get candy :lol:). I taught (with a book to help) that strangers who ask a little kid to come with them are NOT going to be good people as a general rule. Good people know you don't take kids away! I have a dd who would trust ANYONE so she needs strict rules. Edited July 23, 2012 by LittleIzumi Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justLisa Posted July 23, 2012 Share Posted July 23, 2012 (edited) Absolutely. It's very difficult difficult to teach cautious trust. We rely on certain people to help us and sometimes they are the ones who hurt us. This is also why I don't tell my kids they have to answer anyone no matter what. I simply don't agree with that. Sure I try to be polite, but if someone makes me uncomfortable I have nothing against ignoring them. Same here. I don't believe you have to answer everyone who speaks to you. I have only a couple times had an older person ask my child "what is your name?" I just kinda stared and don't remember exactly what I said but it was not our names. My kids would never be rude to people though, they are just not that way. I definitely have ignored people many times that gave me a bad vibe. I do feel like my kids both have a great deal of common sense in this area. They are never alone though, really. We have talked about should you ever feel lost, first yell something to me in Polish so it's easier to possibly hear in a crowd, and yell it loud. Then if I don't answer back find someone who works at the store, or a police if possible. I fully believe DD would handle this perfectly, however I have worried about DS just running frantic. Edited July 23, 2012 by 425lisamarie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Woodhaven Posted July 23, 2012 Share Posted July 23, 2012 I tell my children not to talk to anyone who makes them feel uncomfortable. I tell them to trust their instinct and stay away from people that don't feel safe. Other than that, they are to speak in a thoughtful manner when spoken to. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hot Lava Mama Posted July 24, 2012 Share Posted July 24, 2012 What would your children do if they were lost? They would "have" to talk to a stranger to get help. I teach my children to look for a woman with kids, first, to ask for help. If they can't find one, then look for a woman for help. I read that telling them "don't talk to strangers" isn't good. How will you ever meet new people? Also, telling them "look for a policeman" isn't really effective. There usually isn't one around. As far as a stranger coming up to them, I ask them to be polite, but listen to their "feelings" if they feel creepy. (Also all the other stuff such as don't accept anything from a stanger, etc.) Hot Lava Mama Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melissad2 Posted July 24, 2012 Share Posted July 24, 2012 I agree with most everyone else. I will sometimes give them a situation and ask them what they would do. Me: What if someone asks you to help them look for their lost puppy? Ds: I tell them I have to get my mom first. Me: Then what? Ds: I run away and get mommy. Me: What do you do if you can't find mommy in target? Ds: Find someone with a Target shirt and ask for help. Me: What if you can't find them? Ds: I look for another mommy and ask for help. Etc etc... I also tell them that if someone ever tries to grab them or take them away from mommy or daddy they are to kick and scream, hit and pinch and bite if they have to to get away...and not to be embarrassed to do it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angela in ohio Posted July 24, 2012 Share Posted July 24, 2012 We don't have a designation for Stranger. We talk about dealing with people in general, because my dc *know* some people I wouldn't want them to go anywhere with alone. We all regularly talk to people we don't know, too, so ruling no stranger contact wouldn't work. I'm of the camp that believes that interacting with many people develops their safety sense. I'm also of the camp that stays with their dc until they are old enough to have a physical chance and a well-developed sense of what is okay. We do cover various safety rules: if you get lost, look for a mom with a stroller or small child and not security or employees; if we are accidentally separated in an elevator ride, stay where you are and I will come to you; if anyone tries to move you, drop with all your weight and scream at the top of your lungs; etc. And I talk honestly to them about who is statistically a greater risk to them, especially as my girls became teens. Like another poster, we've talked about the politeness issue a lot. We talk a lot about different levels of manners and when each applies, and that includes being rude at times when necessary. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted July 24, 2012 Share Posted July 24, 2012 They are not to go with anyone or take anything from anyone without asking me. I think that's a very important point -- it's often better to say, "anyone" and not "strangers," because once a stranger says something like, "Hi, my name is Bob," many children no longer think of that person as a stranger, because he's nice and they know his name. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
acablue Posted July 24, 2012 Share Posted July 24, 2012 Most of what we tell the kids has already been mentioned. The only things I'd add are: Don't talk to strangers in public bathrooms. If someone tries to talk to you in a bathroom, get out. Don't tell a stranger your full name or exactly where you live. It's okay to lie to strangers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JustGin Posted July 24, 2012 Share Posted July 24, 2012 My kids are teens now and I guess we had 3 distinct phases in this area. Ages 0-6 (ish) we taught one main over-riding rule. We still call it "The Big Family Safety Rule". "You never go anywhere, with anyone, for any reason without Mom or Dad's permission." Aside from that, we made sure they were in sight and/or hand/arms reach at ALL times when out and about - including church! We had a very few trusted adults who were allowed to help us with this. When they were old enough to be "out of sight" in any way, some where around 6 or so we taught them some common sense safety rules, like staying together, (we never let them play away from us alone, and only out of sight for short periods to start with) not giving out personal info, being polite yet keeping out of reach of adults who might stop to talk, quickly coming and getting a parent (or trusted adult) if any adult interaction felt uncomfortable in any way. Taught them that "good" (unknown/unfamiliar/un-directly introduced to you by parents) adults do not ask children for help and to always, always follow the BFSR anyway. Since 12 or so it's been mostly the BFSR & its companion rule - "Mom/Dad must know where you are and with whom at all times. We did NOT ever teach them "stranger danger" for a variety of reasons, the most important one being that we felt/feel very strongly that introducing the idea of "scary" grownups in an attempt to help children be safe robs them of a precious and innocent belief that the world is a good and safe place. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LittleIzumi Posted July 24, 2012 Share Posted July 24, 2012 What would your children do if they were lost? They would "have" to talk to a stranger to get help. I teach my children to look for a woman with kids, first, to ask for help. If they can't find one, then look for a woman for help. I read that telling them "don't talk to strangers" isn't good. How will you ever meet new people? Also, telling them "look for a policeman" isn't really effective. There usually isn't one around. As far as a stranger coming up to them, I ask them to be polite, but listen to their "feelings" if they feel creepy. (Also all the other stuff such as don't accept anything from a stanger, etc.) Hot Lava Mama They have lost rules. 1st, policeman or store employee. (One dd has already done this successfully twice.) 2nd, find a mom with kids or a woman and ask her for help. Much lower statistical probability of a threat there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted July 24, 2012 Share Posted July 24, 2012 (This post is written as if I had younger kids) I don't find "stranger" to be a useful term, really. I teach my kids to honor their guts/that weird creepy feeling. As they get older, I teach them explicitly there are danger signs that make them feel that way, and what those feelings are. I tell my kids they NEVER EVER EVER have to give or accept affection unless they won't to. I teach my kids to be courteous, but that they don't have to go out of their way to engage with people "just to be nice." I model courtesy towards clerks, other people we don't know, etc. I prompt, when appropriate, courtesy from my kids. I tell them that if they are ever in danger or away from me to find a Mom to help them (statistically, that is the safest choice for them.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FO4UR Posted July 24, 2012 Share Posted July 24, 2012 We don't have a designation for Stranger. We talk about dealing with people in general, because my dc *know* some people I wouldn't want them to go anywhere with alone. We all regularly talk to people we don't know, too, so ruling no stranger contact wouldn't work. I'm of the camp that believes that interacting with many people develops their safety sense. I'm also of the camp that stays with their dc until they are old enough to have a physical chance and a well-developed sense of what is okay. We do cover various safety rules: if you get lost, look for a mom with a stroller or small child and not security or employees; if we are accidentally separated in an elevator ride, stay where you are and I will come to you; if anyone tries to move you, drop with all your weight and scream at the top of your lungs; etc. And I talk honestly to them about who is statistically a greater risk to them, especially as my girls became teens. Like another poster, we've talked about the politeness issue a lot. We talk a lot about different levels of manners and when each applies, and that includes being rude at times when necessary. :iagree: except I don't have teenagers yet. I teach mine how to talk to strangers. I encourage them to go up to the counter at stores by themselves and purchase their own small toys. (I am never far away, within eyesight, but I let them handle their own transaction from a few feet away.) I think this gives them confidence in having a normal, healthy interaction with strangers...and if they ever are lost in a store, they will have no fear walking up to the cash register and asking for help. (I tell mine to stay at the cash register where they ask for help and refuse to walk away with an employee.) I tell mine that bad people are most afraid of getting caught. If someone is hurting you (a child or an adult!), be loud and public about it. Avoid situations where you might be alone with someone you don't trust (someone you don't know fits that category). You are much less likely to be harmed by a person if there are other people around to witness it. I also tell mine that if they ever find themselves in a bad situation (It happens!), that they have to use their wits, their ability to run, their small size. They cannot win a fight against an adult. :iagree: With telling them that it's OK to lie and be rude in order to be safe. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wintermom Posted July 24, 2012 Share Posted July 24, 2012 All my dc take Taekwon-Do, which includes both physical aspects to releases and "street smart" information to prevent attacks when possible. My dh and I have also studied Taekwon-Do (I'm a black belt), so as a family we have this foundation to build on in specific situations, etc. As an adult starting Taekwon-Do, I gained so much confidence and awareness about staying safe in my world - plus I've been very fortunate. I'd recommend a good self-defence program through martial arts for adults and children. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Perry Posted July 24, 2012 Share Posted July 24, 2012 I also tell my kids that adults should NOT be asking kids to help them. If they are asked to help an adult they are to say, "I need to ask my mom or dad first." and then turn around and FIND me before any more conversation (convincing!) happens. Luring kids away under the guise of needing help is a TOP method for abductors.:iagree:I'm not sure "stranger" is the best word to use. Kids have a really hard time understanding what that means. The guy in the ice cream truck, or their friend's uncle, aren't strangers to them, because they recognize them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hilltop Posted July 24, 2012 Share Posted July 24, 2012 I don't want my kids to be afraid of strangers, I want them to use safe strategies. Two suggestions I heard (maybe long ago when a personal safety specialist was being interviewed on Oprah) were: 1. To avoid lost children in the first place, don't tell them to stay where you can see them. They are not aware of the extent of your vision. Tell them they must always be able to see you! 2. Explain they must never switch the people they are with without informing the people that were with them before. i.e. If you are at a fair with mommy and daddy happens by, you must return immediately to mommy and tell her you are going with daddy or if you are with your big sister and your best friend swings by on his bike, BEFORE you grab your bike, you are to run back to the big sister and tell her where you are going. So the first action when anyone asks the kid to go with them is to immediately go back to the last caretaker for approval. 3. Voices carry. There is no need to go up to a car window (within grabbing distance) or stand close to an unknown person to talk to them. Words can be exchanged from 10 feet away. These are great tips. I have always done the first one, but will now implement the other two. Thanks for sharing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IdahoHomeschooler Posted July 24, 2012 Share Posted July 24, 2012 I don't believe in the concept of "stranger danger," so I don't teach about it. Mostly, I model appropriate interactions and boundaries. It is much more probable that any type of assault/molestation would occur with someone that we know. Therefore, my emphasis is on having clear boundaries and using your voice, as well as being able to tell me about ANYTHING. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maus Posted July 24, 2012 Share Posted July 24, 2012 I don't believe in the concept of "stranger danger," so I don't teach about it. Mostly, I model appropriate interactions and boundaries. It is much more probable that any type of assault/molestation would occur with someone that we know. Therefore, my emphasis is on having clear boundaries and using your voice, as well as being able to tell me about ANYTHING. :iagree: Years ago, DH read an article called, "The Kindness of Strangers" by security expert Bruce Schneier, which we took to heart. We let our kids be friendly to strangers, but remind them not to leave with anyone. We've also told them to ask for help if they need it. Other than that, we mostly try, apparently unsuccessfully, that it may not be the best idea to tell the nice stranger at the park that we are on vacation, and we won't be home til ____, and what our complete home address is! Especially the address part. :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WishboneDawn Posted July 24, 2012 Share Posted July 24, 2012 That makes sense to me. I talk to strangers all the time. Kinda impossible not to. So telling my kids to never talk to strangers just doesn't seem quite right. Yup. We've never done that. Some of the people I trust the least are people I know well (not because they might be predators, more for reasons of no parenting skills or extreme stupidity). Some of the nicest experiences I and my kids have had with people have been with strangers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommymilkies Posted July 24, 2012 Share Posted July 24, 2012 I am a big fan of Protecting the Gift. They are allowed to talk to strangers, but they must trust their instincts. If someone feels creepy, make an excuse or just get away. I tell them if they ever need help and I'm not there that they should ask a woman with kids. Statistically, they are more likely to help and be trustworthy. My older kids are in aikido, and the younger ones have been taught some by their siblings before they are old enough. I have seen them literally take down 200+ lb men with a flick of their arm, so that makes me feel better, though not completely. It's easy to freeze up when you're in danger. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caitilin Posted July 24, 2012 Share Posted July 24, 2012 I tell them to "come and tell me" before they go anywhere with anyone, even people we know and love; and to "come and tell me" if anyone they don't know wants to talk to them; to stay together with their siblings and keep eyes on each other; never to go with someone without permission; if they get lost in a store, go to the front desk and ask to have me paged. And yes, keep line of communication open--tell me if something makes you uncomfortable. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Candid Posted July 24, 2012 Share Posted July 24, 2012 My boys are older, but when they were young I tried to use the advice given in Protecting the Gift. It goes beyond what not to do and instead has you work with your children to have proactive skills. Can they approach strangers and talk to them? ID they are lost, who do they ask for help? It was amazing to me at different junctures how unbold my fairly bold guys could be so working with them to be be able to talk with others and gain service at the appropriate times (did they give you the wrong side with your meal, go back ask for the right one, explain it to the counter help) not only protects them from predators, but equips them for life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
6packofun Posted July 24, 2012 Share Posted July 24, 2012 That's very true. I try to frame it in terms of needing to know who they are with and where they are going no matter WHO is asking. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mimm Posted July 24, 2012 Share Posted July 24, 2012 My kids were always with me or another family member/adult or in a safe place where the adults weren't "strangers" such as their school (they attended a small private school before we homeschooled and everyone knew everyone- the superintendent stood at the door every morning and greeted each child by name as they walked into the school). So I never really taught them much and I feel that was perhaps negligent? But on the other hand, there was never a time to be worried about it. They were told to never go anywhere with a stranger, but if a stranger talked to them, they could answer politely. Recently we were at the bowling ally when a strange man walked up to my youngest and started talking to her. I think he was mentally disabled in some way, but it was obviously making her uncomfortable and he asked her name and she answered reflexively. I told her later that she could lie in a case like that. She is not obligated to give a stranger her name (which is an unusual name) and she should decide on a fake name ahead of time so she isn't stumbling on what to say. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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