Domestic Discipline. For real?

[Mimm]

This sounds more like a DV situation than a DD one.

 

Women involved in DD like, want and ask for their "spanking." They may do things on purpose so they can be gladly punished.

 

Exactly. I actually feel better thinking it's probably just an erotic game to both of them. Different strokes for different folks, you know? :)

 

....we will not seek to deny the erotic nature of some CDD marriages as we believe it is a natural consequence of following God's plan. After all, He created eroticism and sexuality to be enjoyed within the healthy, safe, and exclusive boundaries of marriage.

 

From one of the first Christian Domestic Discipline sites I landed on. ;)

Edited July 12, 2012 by Mimm

[Down_the_Rabbit_Hole]

DD is the title they give it because they cannot come to terms they are in a Dom/sub. marriage. DD is accepted by certain churches where as Dom/sub. lifestyle is not. Next step for them is a Master/slave lifestyle sanctioned by their church. The only difference I see is the church will approve a DD where the man is in the position of disiplinarian, I cannot see the church approving a female in the position of discipnarian where as in a Dom/sub lifestyle it could be the female who is the Dom.

 

Submissive in a Don/sub lifestyle is not the same as being a submissive wife.

[Rivka]

:001_huh: I had no idea! It honestly sounds like a domination game all whitewashed to be Christian-y by people who want to play those games but don't feel comfortable doing so without it being approved by God (in their minds anyway).

 

:iagree:It's a kink dressed up in a lot of high-minded philosophy. These couples are getting off on it. The rhetoric about how much the women deserve punishment and how good it is for them is part of what turns them on.

[Parrothead]

This isn't fun and games actually and it isn't forepl@y; it is discipline and punishment handed down for a transgression (but yes, it is consensual in that the woman agrees to this beforehand). At least, this is true for CDD (Christian Domestic Discipline).

Then it is DV not DD. Seems most use it to get their jollies.

 

Exactly. I actually feel better thinking it's probably just an erotic game to both of them. Different strokes for different folks, you know? :)

 

 

 

From one of the first Christian Domestic Discipline sites I landed on. ;)

....we will not seek to deny the erotic nature of some CDD marriages as we believe it is a natural consequence of following God's plan. After all, He created eroticism and sexuality to be enjoyed within the healthy, safe, and exclusive boundaries of marriage.

 

:iagree:

:iagree:It's a kink dressed up in a lot of high-minded philosophy. These couples are getting off on it. The rhetoric about how much the women deserve punishment and how good it is for them is part of what turns them on.

:iagree:

[Parrothead]

DD is the title they give it because they cannot come to terms they are in a Dom/sub. marriage. DD is accepted by certain churches where as Dom/sub. lifestyle is not. Next step for them is a Master/slave lifestyle sanctioned by their church. The only difference I see is the church will approve a DD where the man is in the position of disiplinarian, I cannot see the church approving a female in the position of discipnarian where as in a Dom/sub lifestyle it could be the female who is the Dom.

 

Submissive in a Don/sub lifestyle is not the same as being a submissive wife.

It may not be approved, but often times it is the woman doing the disciplining.

 

"Mistress, may I...."

[kricau]

:iagree:

Stuff like that makes me cringe.

 

Which is why I didn't do a Google search :(

 

I will just stick to "punishing" each other with the silent treatment & angry looks, thank you.

[curlylocks]

Apparently it's consensual and the women feel it keeps them accountable and relieves stress.

 

 

I have not "googled" it, but I know 2 women who are currently in relationships where the husband punishes them for wrongdoing. (takes away their keys/cell phone, sends them to their room, etc.

 

I can't imagine a womean "consenting" to discipline...it is a form of domestic violence pure and simple.

 

One woman was "disciplined" so severely that she couldn't walk upright. She couldn't go to work for 3 days... :glare:

 

We finally convinced her to leave her husband and file a protection order.

[Down_the_Rabbit_Hole]

It may not be approved, but often times it is the woman doing the disciplining.

 

"Mistress, may I...."

True but then this is not a true form of DD, but D/s instead.

 

 

My question is, if the church approves DD, then do they issue classes on it. I know most churches have some sort of marriage classes for those getting married, will this be a topic for discussion? Or is it all to be whispered about but not openly discussed in the church?

[BigMamaBird]

I have not "googled" it, but I know 2 women who are currently in relationships where the husband punishes them for wrongdoing. (takes away their keys/cell phone, sends them to their room, etc.

 

I wonder what I'd have to go to get a nice hour long time out in my room, all alone. That sounds positively heavenly.

[Trish]

:ack2: :ack2: :ack2:

I never heard of such an obscene practice. This is the Pearls for women????

 

Plumbing supply sales must be through the roof.

 

:glare:

[Parrothead]

I have not "googled" it, but I know 2 women who are currently in relationships where the husband punishes them for wrongdoing. (takes away their keys/cell phone, sends them to their room, etc.

 

I can't imagine a womean "consenting" to discipline...it is a form of domestic violence pure and simple.

 

One woman was "disciplined" so severely that she couldn't walk upright. She couldn't go to work for 3 days... :glare:

 

We finally convinced her to leave her husband and file a protection order.

This is classic domestic violence and those women need help and support, and the men need a good thrashing along with a bit of jail time.

 

DD is a modern (and apparently Christian) form of sadomasochism.

[Down_the_Rabbit_Hole]

 

One woman was "disciplined" so severely that she couldn't walk upright. She couldn't go to work for 3 days... :glare:

 

Even in a D/s lifestyle this is a big no-no and is a breach of contract. It is considered abuse in that lifestyle and if the parties are with a group the D. will be reprimanded, so in a DD setting it is abuse also and legal action should be taken.

[Parrothead]

True but then this is not a true form of DD, but D/s instead.

 

 

My question is, if the church approves DD, then do they issue classes on it. I know most churches have some sort of marriage classes for those getting married, will this be a topic for discussion? Or is it all to be whispered about but not openly discussed in the church?

Oh, can you imagine?

 

5:00 Prayer group

6:15 Fun with Domestic Discipline

7:30 Finance class

 

:lol:

[Down_the_Rabbit_Hole]

Oh, can you imagine?

 

5:00 Prayer group

6:15 Fun with Domestic Discipline

7:30 Finance class

 

:lol:

:lol:

Don't think many wives will be in the Finance class if they attend the 6:15 one. At least not sitting.

[Impish]

There is a huge diff btwn D/s or BDSM and domestic violence. There really, truly is.

 

First off, the sub is the one w/the actual power. Ever Dom knows this. Doms listen to their subs, and if the sub says, stop (or whatever their safe word is) it stops. Period. Respect is a huge must, as is trust, in a D/s relationship.

 

Domestic violence, there's no respect. There's no trust. There's just fear, control, and violence.

[Bassoonaroo]

Holy Cow...

 

I wouldn't believe it if I hadn't just googled it.

 

Okay, moms of teen young ladies, do we need to warn our girls about this once they hit marriage age? What do we DO with this info? It would break my heart if my dd fell for someone who heard of this and now wants to practice it...

 

Oh, my heart aches for the things done in the name of God.

[Renthead Mommy]

So when the husband sends the wife to stand in a corner, or better yet, for 'bedroom time', does he pick up the slack and take care of the kids for that 30 minutes?

 

Or is the trouble they get in while she's in the corner her fault too? Because if she had been good, she would have been able to watch her kids and they wouldn't have been able to get into trouble.

[AdventureMoms]

I wonder what I'd have to go to get a nice hour long time out in my room, all alone. That sounds positively heavenly.

:iagree: Someone needs to punish me by sending me to my room for about a week. Bonus points if I get to do something really fun to earn it!

[Nestof3]

Yes, I mentioned in another thread that one of the elders of a house church we were forming mentioned one day in service that he was reading about it and was contemplating its usefulness. He said, "I'm not persuaded against it."

 

My dh and I left as he seemed a power-hungry freak. We later learned that he was a pedophile who abused his children in some way. His wife refused to press charges because he was the source of financial security. I do know his niece killed herself (I cannot help but wonder if he abused her), and the man killed himself just this year.

 

PS -- I'm referring to non-consensual.

Edited July 12, 2012 by nestof3

[Impish]

Holy Cow...

 

I wouldn't believe it if I hadn't just googled it.

 

Okay, moms of teen young ladies, do we need to warn our girls about this once they hit marriage age? What do we DO with this info? It would break my heart if my dd fell for someone who heard of this and now wants to practice it...

 

Oh, my heart aches for the things done in the name of God.

Ppl do what ppl do amongst consenting adults. Personally, I don't want details of my kids intimate maritial life.

 

Chances are, you know someone that is into d/s, BDSM. You wouldn't know by their outward appearances, behaviour, career, nada.

 

Again, big diff btwn domestic violence and 2 consenting adults choosing to participate in this.

[jujsky]

I had to google it. It sounds like an excuse for Christians to practice SM without the guilt attached to it.

[lovinmomma]

Oh. My. Gosh.

I've never heard of it and I'm not going to google it but, just reading about it here is enough to make me hurl.

 

:iagree: This. Bleh.

[LaxMom]

There is a huge diff btwn D/s or BDSM and domestic violence. There really, truly is.

 

First off, the sub is the one w/the actual power. Ever Dom knows this. Doms listen to their subs, and if the sub says, stop (or whatever their safe word is) it stops. Period. Respect is a huge must, as is trust, in a D/s relationship.

 

Domestic violence, there's no respect. There's no trust. There's just fear, control, and violence.

 

Yes, but it this context - per the admittedly single source I read - there is clearly a lack of respect (i.e. women are misguided children), and need to be forced to trust their husbands (which is what we really want but don't know how to do, of course, because we're so addled by our gender).

[Impish]

Yes, but it this context - per the admittedly single source I read - there is clearly a lack of respect (i.e. women are misguided children), and need to be forced to trust their husbands (which is what we really want but don't know how to do, of course, because we're so addled by our gender).

I guess my question is, is that the 'framework' for it, or is it a sincerely held belief? If there's genuine *force* in play, then it's domestic violence. If that's the 'platform' or 'stage' for it, then it's part of the game, kwim?

 

I mean...ppl who are willing participants in D/s, BDSM don't talk pretty, but it's part of the role play. For them, it's part of the excitment.

 

Not my particular cuppa, but as long as they're consenting and willing...*shrug*

 

That's what I'm wondering about. If there's consent happening. That's why I'm unwilling to give a blanket condemnation. I don't care if ppl are into D/s, BDSM, or dressing up as rubber chickens, as long as they're willing and consenting.

 

Let's be honest here...Some ppl use and twist the most benign issues into vehicles for abuse. Some ppl also need something to 'legitimize' their kink.

 

Seems to me like this could fall everywhere along the spectrum.

[Quad Shot Academy]

So when the husband sends the wife to stand in a corner, or better yet, for 'bedroom time', does he pick up the slack and take care of the kids for that 30 minutes?

 

In the families that I heard that practiced this, the husband saw everything as his duty and she never cared for the kids when he was around anyway. In fact, the wives would call the husband at work to ask every little question about how to care for the kids and what to buy for the house.

 

In our church is was openly said from the pulpit: What is this your turn, my turn thing? (when talking about caring for or discipling the kids) Let me tell you men, it is always your turn and your responsibility, even when you are not there. The wives being disciplined was definitely whispered about and not talked about openly though. I never got the impression it was overtly sexual. It seemed to be a way of the wives trying to make themselves more holy. The women called their husbands, Lord, literally, instead of honey or dear.:ack2: I did read the blogs from above and they really seem like they are based in sexual play.

[Dory]

This sounds more like a DV situation than a DD one.

 

Women involved in DD like, want and ask for their "spanking." They may do things on purpose so they can be gladly punished.

 

The problem with it is that the women only have to give 'permission' once at the very beginning of it all. 3 years later if they are thinking that this is too much, it doesn't matter, they have already 'consented' and it's treated like a child saying no to a spanking.

[AdamsFamily]

Disgusting! Where do these people live? I hate it when "Christian " gets added to these types of behaviors. There is nothing "Christian " about this!

[I.Dup.]

Oh, can you imagine?

 

5:00 Prayer group

6:15 Fun with Domestic Discipline

7:30 Finance class

 

:lol:

 

:lol::ack2:

[I.Dup.]

Disgusting! Where do these people live? I hate it when "Christian " gets added to these types of behaviors. There is nothing "Christian " about this!

 

:iagree:

[tristangrace]

I don't buy the idea that mutual consent covers a multitude of emotional/relational dysfunction. I'm looking at you, SM and domestic discipline.

[eloquacious]

So I only read through page 5, but I have to say this: I didn't Google, nor do I need to. Things that are seen cannot be unseen, KWIM? As others have stated, this thread has told me all that I needed to know.

 

I did see one recurring thought, though, that this was somehow okay because it was consensual. I would argue that women who are part of this have been infantilized to such a degree that they are incapable of giving consent. It's more like statutory rape of your (poor ignorant, deluded, and childlike) wife.

[clarkacademy]

With this board as big as it is I was really waiting for someone to chime in with, Oh we do that it is no big deal etc etc. I really was waiting for it. I guess I can add another reason to the I will not get married list now.

[Rivka]

The problem with it is that the women only have to give 'permission' once at the very beginning of it all. 3 years later if they are thinking that this is too much, it doesn't matter, they have already 'consented' and it's treated like a child saying no to a spanking.

 

How something like this looks from the outside, how the people inside the relationship describe it, and how it really is, are often three different things. In a consensually kinky relationship, protesting and being overridden are often part of what people enjoy. For the same reason, there may be a lot of rhetoric about there being no way out. But there is virtually always, except in a few extreme, fringe players, a way to renegotiate and a way to monitor ongoing consent.

 

That's not to say that abuse can't happen in kinky relationships, and sometimes it does. If "domestic discipline" is not consensual for both parties, it is abuse.

[I.Dup.]

I did see one recurring thought, though, that this was somehow okay because it was consensual. I would argue that women who are part of this have been infantilized to such a degree that they are incapable of giving consent. It's more like statutory rape of your (poor ignorant, deluded, and childlike) wife.

 

I agree. I think these women are brainwashed, esp. if they are okay with being spoken of in the language used. Or they are just aliens in a human form.

[Guest]

I don't buy the idea that mutual consent covers a multitude of emotional/relational dysfunction. I'm looking at you, SM and domestic discipline.

 

 

:iagree: To me, there is nothing sexy about violence.

[Impish]

Again, I'm looking at it from the perspective that what these cpls are engaging in is actually D/s, BDSM w/a different name.

 

Role playing is completely different from abuse.

 

I don't *know* w/any surety that's what's happening here...but I don't know it ISN'T either.

 

Just b/c it looks one way to an outsider, w/no interest in such role playing, doesn't mean it's actually an accurate view.

 

I just don't want to condemn or judge when I truly have no idea as to the actual dynamics...and again, I don't doubt that they run the gamut from some using it as a tool to legitimize domestic violence, to others using the title as a way to legitimize their particular kink.

[Soror]

I don't have a problem with what consenting adults want to do. I don't think this is really a consenting adult issue. I think some may do it as foreplay but in the context listed I don't think this is really that. I think it is a natural offshoot of certain religious idealogies, Christian and others.

[Quad Shot Academy]

With this board as big as it is I was really waiting for someone to chime in with, Oh we do that it is no big deal etc etc. I really was waiting for it. I guess I can add another reason to the I will not get married list now.

 

I hope you aren't talking about me. The whole thing sickens me. We left that denomination as fast as we could once we figured out what was going on.

[Wildcat]

Soooo not going to Google it. :glare: I've learned enough from just the comments on here.

:iagree: You and me, both! I now know all I care to....

[Night Elf]

I've heard of it. I've always associated it with religions that put the man into the 'head of the household for all things physical and spiritual' role and where the women are always submissive. Now I'm not saying that every marriage under this description is going to practice DD. I'm just saying that it's what I've heard and that they justify their behavior because of the above description.

 

I have no problem with consensual behaviors as long as they are attached to a fun time by both parties. Something like DD doesn't fall into that category for me because I am seriously hoping that no woman specifically seeks out a serious one-sided relationship like that, where she really has no way to say no or stop her husband's behavior at all. I figure they end up in such relationships because they have no choice, either by belonging to a religious group that practices it or they just fall in love with someone and take the bad with the good.

[clarkacademy]

I hope you aren't talking about me. The whole thing sickens me. We left that denomination as fast as we could once we figured out what was going on.

 

NO NO NO It is just like when we bring up the pearls there are the few that get all defensive ya know? No I wasn't speaking of you at all.

[Mimm]

That's what I'm wondering about. If there's consent happening. That's why I'm unwilling to give a blanket condemnation. I don't care if ppl are into D/s, BDSM, or dressing up as rubber chickens, as long as they're willing and consenting.

 

 

Everything I read made it clear that the wife's consent (ongoing consent, not just at the start of the process) is required. In fact, it seems like some of the wives are the ones dragging their husbands into this lifestyle.

[2cents]

I've never heard of this before. Had to Google and can only say that this is, IMO, a hugely destructive element to introduce into a marriage. There is no way I would give up my dignity and allow a marriage partner to treat me that way. I can't imagine any man that is secure with himself would want a spouse that would need that kind of management. So sad for anyone who subscribes to that kind of marital arrangement. :blink:

[Ecclecticmum]

hmmm, right

 

1. Should not of googled. I clicked the same P*** link someone else clicked :001_huh:

 

2. The only non-living things touching my bum would be the chair I am sitting on, my underwear, and TP.

 

3. Should DH find it within himself to do this to me, I shall duly conk him over the head with the asian wok (that thing is HEAVY :lol: )

 

4. I suggest you get a loan out to pay my bleach bill, its not gonna be cheap.

 

5. my bums numb (not really anything to do with the topic much...just thought you should know) :tongue_smilie: Obviously I need to get up from this chair at some point :lol:

 

and finally 6.

 

Internet rule 34 (if it exists, there is p*** of it)

 

pretty much sums it up. :ack2::scared:

(yep, that rule gave me insomnia many a night)

[*Lulu*]

Everything I read made it clear that the wife's consent (ongoing consent, not just at the start of the process) is required. In fact, it seems like some of the wives are the ones dragging their husbands into this lifestyle.

 

The instances I know of IRL have been wife driven as part of a desire to become more "holy" through submission to her husband. It was watching this play out that sent us RUNNING from the last vestiges of the denominational teachings DH was raised in.

[Denisemomof4]

I don't know whether to laugh or cry. On the bright side, I do know better than to let DH ever get wind of this. There would be no end to the randy jokes. :lol: And then I might have to punish him. :tongue_smilie:

 

:lol::lol::lol:

 

I just googled it since I never heard of it before. ummmmmm:001_huh:

[mrbmom77]

Oh.MY.Goodness....

The things I learn from the hive...

I had no idea...

Why did I google?!?!?

 

:iagree: and :ack2:

[tristangrace]

So, for folks who believe that "anything goes, as long as both adults consent", are you giving your stamp of approval to a marriage where one partner beats the other, or both regularly engage in violence against each other, as long as both of them say, "This is OK for my marriage. I don't expect things to change, I don't need for them to change; I don't want to leave this relationship"?

 

Regardless of consent my judgement would be: "That is an unhealthy marriage." I don't think I'm doing anyone any favors by withholding judgement there--I think both parties in that marriage have serious "issues" (for lack of a better word) in their understanding of a healthy marriage. The fact that two adults consent to treating each other a certain way does not magically make that treatment good, healthy, or beneficial in every case.

 

Frequently, two people's dysfunctions just happen to line up in a way that they feel happy, or happy enough to continue, and their self-reported happiness is not persuasive enough for me to label sickness, health.

 

ETA: Re-reading this, it sounds pretty aggressive. I DO have strong feelings about the "mutual consent free pass clause" in evaluating human behavior, but I did not mean for it to sound so . . . pointed.

Edited July 12, 2012 by tristangrace

[Impish]

So, for folks who believe that "anything goes, as long as both adults consent", are you giving your stamp of approval to a marriage where one partner beats the other, or both regularly engage in violence against each other, as long as both of them say, "This is OK for my marriage. I don't expect things to change, I don't need for them to change; I don't want to leave this relationship"?

 

Regardless of consent my judgement would be: "That is an unhealthy marriage." I don't think I'm doing anyone any favors by withholding judgement there--I think both parties in that marriage have serious "issues" (for lack of a better word) in their understanding of a healthy marriage. The fact that two adults consent to treating each other a certain way does not magically make that treatment good, healthy, or beneficial in every case.

 

Frequently, two people's dysfunctions just happen to line up in a way that they feel happy, or happy enough to continue, and their self-reported happiness is not persuasive enough for me to label sickness, health.

 

ETA: Re-reading this, it sounds pretty aggressive. I DO have strong feelings about the "mutual consent free pass clause" in evaluating human behavior, but I did not mean for it to sound so . . . pointed.

Again, from a D/s, BDSM perspective, there's a whole difference btwn domestic violence and that. If two ppl decide that that kind of relationship is mutally desirable, mutally satisfying, then it's not my place to judge that.

 

I don't consider ppl who engage in the D/s, BDSM lifestyle ill. I've known several cpls that engage in the lifestyle, learned a lot about it, so it's not something that I'm completely unaware of. The cpls I knew were healthy ppl, who found playing w/power and control exciting. So be it. *shrug*

 

Not my cuppa, but I'm not wiling to label others who have a different perspective on maritial excitement as being dysfunctional or unhealthy.

[Mimm]

Hmm... Interesting question. I don't know what I would give my "stamp of approval" to, but I don't necessarily think it's my place to approve or disapprove of a relationship where both partners say they are happy and neither of those partners is me or anyone else in my family. :) Just because I don't understand certain kinks (and there are plenty of kinks I don't understand) doesn't automatically make them unhealthy. I think they can be unhealthy in certain contexts and many of them can be part of a healthy relationship. Obviously people are bringing up a lot of abusive situations where the punishments or whatever you want to call them, were part of a very unhealthy dynamic in a relationship, but just because that's the case, I don't automatically assume that all relationships with punishments or discipline are unhealthy. I think to do so is to oversimplify. Most things in life simply aren't that black and white.