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Domestic Discipline. For real?


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I've known a couple people in this lifestyle and others I suspected of it. They seemed to be quite happy. The women acted normal. They weren't the type to call hubby over every little detail. They were just totally normal. Most of them used the dd in relation to finances, housework, homeschooling, scheduling in general.

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I just had to look, didn't I? Dang my curiousity. Ya know, I'm just kinda sick about it. Hey, there is some "fiction" stories about DD romance, written by a woman in a DD relationship on Amazon. Awesome read. :blink:

 

If I were a Christian, I'd be angry at these people making Christianity look bad. I hate the fact that they use the Bible to convince themselves and each other that women are evil, all the while saying they should love and cherish them. You can't do both, guys.

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I can't believe this is real, and not intended to turn people on. It reads exactly like some erotica. Not that I would know.

 

Trust me, there are weird Christian extremists who do this because they have authority over their wives.

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If I were a Christian, I'd be angry at these people making Christianity look bad. I hate the fact that they use the Bible to convince themselves and each other that women are evil, all the while saying they should love and cherish them. You can't do both, guys.

 

So THAT's what "Bible Thumping" means.

 

 

 

Huh? You learn something new every day, I guess.

 

Aaaaaand just like that I'm reminded that there ARE some men on this board.

Edited by KungFuPanda
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there have been studies on it...very healthy people from a psychological standpoint enjoy BDSM. In fact, usually it is people that are very capable and independent in real life that enjoy being submissive in role play.

 

Yeah - I get that. I'm not an expert nor am I claiming to know anything about this at all. I just can't wrap my mind around a healthy person getting pleasure from someone else's pain, real or imagined. Maybe it is possible, I just can't imagine how that can be.

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I googled...I shouldn't have. But, as I was reading, I saw a lot of rhetoric about it being needed to discourage poor behavior, to cleanse the soul, and for other supposedly noble reasons. What about the man's poor behavior? Are these men saying they don't embarrass themselves and their families in public- ever? Do they need to be reminded not to do whatever it is they do that is sinful, wrong, or just annoying? Who spanks them and helps them to cleanse their spirits and stay on the straight and narrow? It seems like they should be asking other men to administer their own spankings if they get out of line! I'm also very disturbed by all the talk about keeping this secret. Weird, weird, weird! I don't see it as bondage, or an erotic submissive relationship. It seems like these women are being treated as children in a messed up house- maybe worse than kids. Are they giving their children "maintenance spankings?" :ack2:

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I googled...I shouldn't have. But, as I was reading, I saw a lot of rhetoric about it being needed to discourage poor behavior, to cleanse the soul, and for other supposedly noble reasons. What about the man's poor behavior? Are these men saying they don't embarrass themselves and their families in public- ever? Do they need to be reminded not to do whatever it is they do that is sinful, wrong, or just annoying? Who spanks them and helps them to cleanse their spirits and stay on the straight and narrow? It seems like they should be asking other men to administer their own spankings if they get out of line! I'm also very disturbed by all the talk about keeping this secret. Weird, weird, weird! I don't see it as bondage, or an erotic submissive relationship. It seems like these women are being treated as children in a messed up house- maybe worse than kids. Are they giving their children "maintenance spankings?" :ack2:

 

Yeah, from what I read, the man answers to God...:glare:

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Thanks to the Internet, I now know that there is such a thing as domestic discipline. Has anyone else ever heard of this? Am I the last to know, or is this really as obscure a concept as I hope it is. I don't get it. I'm not talking about kinky role-playing stuff. I think these people are serious. :scared:

 

Are you talking about that Christian domestic discipline website? It is probably mostly spanking fetishists using religious beliefs as rationalization for the fetish. However, I've no doubt that there are some folks who genuinely believe that a wife should endure corporal punishment.

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I looked at the Learning DD blog someone linked earlier.

I did some snooping (my eyebrows moving higher with each post I read) and I found a post about what should happento the man if he makes a mistake.

He should admit, apologise, something else alongthose lines, and then BUY OR DO SOMETHING NICE FOR THE WOMAN. Something he wouldn't do EVERY day.

 

Why does the woman get spanked, belittled, put in a corner, priveliges removed and reprimanded while the man gets a "slap on the wrist"????

 

Not many things shock me, but DD makes me angry.

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I'm guessing that the Hive's shock and awe responses give the spankophiles a thrill and giggle.

 

This thread has some of the best new words. I keep coming back to read because it's all making me giggle. :)

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I've actually spoken to many women who believe in this arrangement. They were not into it for the er*tic potential. It really was about punishment for "misdeeds." It was usually something like the floor wasn't vacuumed well enough; she fixed something for dinner that he doesn't like; he thought she was snippy to her mother on the phone; she was irritated at the child, etc. Again, this was not a game or role playing or anything like that. It was truly domestic violence sanctioned by their church. Many of them did not like it but also didn't believe in leaving. It was just awful.

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The 2 people in a relationship should be held accountable to the same standards. One does not get to "rule" over the other because they were born with boy bits.

I'm all for people doing hanky-spanky (thanks tagger!!! Lol) during teA, but not for everyday, normal life.

 

DD is akin to domestic abuse in my eyes.

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Years and years ago, I was a member of an online group and this one lady posted this comment in passing that struck me as weird and I asked about it. Supposedly she was supposed to stay in the house all the time wearing a particular type of clothing that covered her entire body, even when alone, until her husband locked the bedroom door and let her remove it. I was so disturbed by her! I think she got kicked out of the group for being a freak. I also had a woman I barely know recently tell me about her husband punishing her by locking her in her room for a week. She finally went to the police but didn't really seem quite as disturbed as I thought she should be.

 

I do know a fair number of women who think it's normal to ask permission (for things like hairstyles and clothing) from their husbands and talk about getting in trouble. I honestly can't comprehend the appeal of this.

Edited by stripe
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Okay so say you are all into this? How do you explain it all to your kids? I'm guessing if you are into it, you would raise your kids to be that way with their future mates.

 

 

Do you tell the 10 year old "Hey, watch your little brother and sisters for 30 minutes while I go spank your mother?"

 

The 11/12 yo girl? "When you grow up, your husband will have to spank you sometimes too."

 

Does Dad sit down his sons and explain this is the proper way to spank your future wife so you don't hurt your hand?

 

Dad has to go out of town on a business trip and gives the 16yo son the "Be sure to take the trash out and all because you are the man of the house while I'm gone." Mom backs into the mailbox denting the car and calls to tell dad. Does the 16 yo 'man of the house' then have to step up and spank mom in dad's place??

 

And if a kid grows up in this type of environment, growing up to think this is normal and what every does, 18yo son decides girlfriend has misbehaved so he spanks her. Girlfriend/Girlfriend's parents could have in jail for assult in a heartbeat.

 

I guess people can get into all things. But if you are doing this to be more christian or something along those line, you are probably all having kids, possibly many kids (since uber chrisitanity often goes hand in hand with many kids and this seems to be a form of trying to be uber christian). I just can't see how you either a)hide this lifestyle from your kids (and I'd think you wouldn't want to hide it from them since if you are doing it, you believe in it, are proud of your beliefs) or b) how you can explain it to them, teach it to them bring them into it.

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I do know a fair number of women who think it's normal to ask permission (for things like hairstyles and clothing) from their husbands and talk about getting in trouble. I honestly can't comprehend the appeal of this.

 

I do as well. I think this is fairly common in fundie circles. It makes me wonder how many of them are asking their husbands for spanks. I wonder if they also ask him to wipe their butts after they go potty. :glare:

 

Okay so say you are all into this? How do you explain it all to your kids? I'm guessing if you are into it, you would raise your kids to be that way with their future mates.

 

 

Do you tell the 10 year old "Hey, watch your little brother and sisters for 30 minutes while I go spank your mother?"

 

The 11/12 yo girl? "When you grow up, your husband will have to spank you sometimes too."

 

Does Dad sit down his sons and explain this is the proper way to spank your future wife so you don't hurt your hand?

 

Dad has to go out of town on a business trip and gives the 16yo son the "Be sure to take the trash out and all because you are the man of the house while I'm gone." Mom backs into the mailbox denting the car and calls to tell dad. Does the 16 yo 'man of the house' then have to step up and spank mom in dad's place??

 

And if a kid grows up in this type of environment, growing up to think this is normal and what every does, 18yo son decides girlfriend has misbehaved so he spanks her. Girlfriend/Girlfriend's parents could have in jail for assult in a heartbeat.

 

I guess people can get into all things. But if you are doing this to be more christian or something along those line, you are probably all having kids, possibly many kids (since uber chrisitanity often goes hand in hand with many kids and this seems to be a form of trying to be uber christian). I just can't see how you either a)hide this lifestyle from your kids (and I'd think you wouldn't want to hide it from them since if you are doing it, you believe in it, are proud of your beliefs) or b) how you can explain it to them, teach it to them bring them into it.

 

I was wondering this as well. It almost certainly would raise boys who think this is normal and since many of these folks are into courtship I would assume they would lead each other toward spouses who have the same beliefs. Yuck, yuck. (nothing against courtship, I think it's preferable to dating, just not when it leads to this kind of behavior)

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Okay so say you are all into this? How do you explain it all to your kids? I'm guessing if you are into it, you would raise your kids to be that way with their future mates.

 

 

Do you tell the 10 year old "Hey, watch your little brother and sisters for 30 minutes while I go spank your mother?"

 

The 11/12 yo girl? "When you grow up, your husband will have to spank you sometimes too."

 

Does Dad sit down his sons and explain this is the proper way to spank your future wife so you don't hurt your hand?

 

Dad has to go out of town on a business trip and gives the 16yo son the "Be sure to take the trash out and all because you are the man of the house while I'm gone." Mom backs into the mailbox denting the car and calls to tell dad. Does the 16 yo 'man of the house' then have to step up and spank mom in dad's place??

 

And if a kid grows up in this type of environment, growing up to think this is normal and what every does, 18yo son decides girlfriend has misbehaved so he spanks her. Girlfriend/Girlfriend's parents could have in jail for assult in a heartbeat.

 

I guess people can get into all things. But if you are doing this to be more christian or something along those line, you are probably all having kids, possibly many kids (since uber chrisitanity often goes hand in hand with many kids and this seems to be a form of trying to be uber christian). I just can't see how you either a)hide this lifestyle from your kids (and I'd think you wouldn't want to hide it from them since if you are doing it, you believe in it, are proud of your beliefs) or b) how you can explain it to them, teach it to them bring them into it.

 

Usually, according to the women I've talked to about it, it is done away from the children. I don't know how much they know, or when, but it is definitely passed down. One young lady I spoke with was a newlywed, and her husband talked to her about it before they got married. He basically told her that he couldn't marry her unless she agreed to this. She agreed and was very unhappy in the marriage, but she honestly believed that the DD was what God wanted for her marriage.

 

In terms of letting a child spank his mother, I've never heard of that. But one woman did tell me a story of accidentally leaving a burner on at her in-laws' house and not only did her husband spank her, but he had his father spank her too. She told me that the double punishment was justified because she could have burned the house down.

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In terms of letting a child spank his mother, I've never heard of that. But one woman did tell me a story of accidentally leaving a burner on at her in-laws' house and not only did her husband spank her, but he had his father spank her too. She told me that the double punishment was justified because she could have burned the house down.

*gack*

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:ack2: :ack2: :ack2: :ack2:

 

It sickens me to think that anyone would tolerate that kind of treatment, and I find it horrible that anyone would think it was appropriate or acceptable to even consider administering "domestic discipline."

 

But I do like the tag on this thread. :D

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Okay, so Fifty Shades of Grey sells over 10 million and is stuck at the top of the Best Sellers.

 

I will not Google stuff here (it's hard for me to unsee things), but can someone please tell me how this is different from the book?

 

http://www.girlsgonewise.com/a-black-and-white-choice-not-to-read-fifty-shades-of-grey/

I'm not familiar w/the book, so I can't help, sorry.

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Okay, so Fifty Shades of Grey sells over 10 million and is stuck at the top of the Best Sellers.

 

I will not Google stuff here (it's hard for me to unsee things), but can someone please tell me how this is different from the book?

 

http://www.girlsgonewise.com/a-black-and-white-choice-not-to-read-fifty-shades-of-grey/

 

How that link is different from the book or how DD is different from the book? I also haven't read the book, so I'm not sure I can compare either.

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Okay, so Fifty Shades of Grey sells over 10 million and is stuck at the top of the Best Sellers.

 

I will not Google stuff here (it's hard for me to unsee things), but can someone please tell me how this is different from the book?

 

http://www.girlsgonewise.com/a-black-and-white-choice-not-to-read-fifty-shades-of-grey/

 

I haven't read it, but off the top of my head I would say the characters aren't married. What's being discussed here is discipline that a husband gives his wife. Two people, who are supposedly Christian, who think that a husband spanking and disciplining a wife is normal and ok, vs two people who aren't in a relationship doing things that just make them feel good.

 

I don't agree with this supposed 'domestic discipline' and I've never read, nor will I read, 50 Shades of Grey.

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The first time I heard about this, I thought it was like Fly Lady. It meant that you were self-disciplined enough to set up your house cleaning routine. :lol:

 

:lol: I thought that too! And then I googled. I'm gonna need the eyebleach.

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Okay, so Fifty Shades of Grey sells over 10 million and is stuck at the top of the Best Sellers.

 

I will not Google stuff here (it's hard for me to unsee things), but can someone please tell me how this is different from the book?

 

http://www.girlsgonewise.com/a-black-and-white-choice-not-to-read-fifty-shades-of-grey/

 

Great article. Thanks!

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This may have already been mentioned: I'm not sure if this would apply to all the couples who participate in DD, but I would like to raise the idea that women can consent to this type of discipline and still be abused by it. There are men who are masterful at twisting scripture and using sincere beliefs against a person. They can twist a Christian woman in knots by using statements like, "Well, don't do it for me; do it for God." or, "This is your scriptural obligation." Perhaps with, "The Bible says that wives must reverence their husbands and obey him in all things" and "Sarah obeyed Abraham and called him Lord." Etc. Devout Christian women can be preyed upon by abusive types if they are ignorant of their God-given rights and of scripture or both.

 

My understanding of S&M is that both couples are enjoying the role play, even though it involves pain for one of them. DD seems like a way for men to manipulate women into submitting to physical abuse under the guise of submitting to their husbands--especially from the perspective of the husband being a "spiritual leader" in the home and being responsible to God for everything that takes place there.

 

I personally know of a pastor's wife whose husband spanked her for wrongdoing in front of her children (multiple times). It wasn't consensual on her part at all, but she couldn't stop him--or, at least, she was too afraid of him to try. I see the humor in some of this, but mostly it makes me sick to my stomach. It would be a mistake to assume that all or even most of the women who are involved in domestic discipline truly enjoy it, let alone get any erotic pleasure from it. I don't speak from personal experience, but I have been in the conservative corner of Christianity since I was born and I've seen a lot of shocking things that go on in the name of Christ. Scripture can be easily twisted to suit just about anyone's agenda, and ignorant Christians who don't read or perhaps don't understand scripture are the easiest victims.

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I haven't read it, but off the top of my head I would say the characters aren't married. What's being discussed here is discipline that a husband gives his wife. Two people, who are supposedly Christian, who think that a husband spanking and disciplining a wife is normal and ok, vs two people who aren't in a relationship doing things that just make them feel good.

 

I don't agree with this supposed 'domestic discipline' and I've never read, nor will I read, 50 Shades of Grey.

 

 

Okay, thanks.

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One young lady I spoke with was a newlywed, and her husband talked to her about it before they got married. He basically told her that he couldn't marry her unless she agreed to this.

 

If only all weirdos would announce themselves beforehand!

 

I do think it's a particularly weird female thing to put up with strange, damaging behavior to get a mate. I just don't see nearly so many men who would stay with a really sick woman. I think most men stand up for their own mental health.

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Okay, so Fifty Shades of Grey sells over 10 million and is stuck at the top of the Best Sellers.

 

I will not Google stuff here (it's hard for me to unsee things), but can someone please tell me how this is different from the book?

 

http://www.girlsgonewise.com/a-black-and-white-choice-not-to-read-fifty-shades-of-grey/

 

My sister had the book and I borrowed it from her. I hated it for many reasons that I won't even get into here. :p It's different because in a DD relationship, these activities have God's approval in the minds of the participants. "We're doing this because God wants us to" is rather different from "We're doing this because we like it and it's fun." You can walk away from something that you're doing just because it's fun, but it's a little harder to walk away from something that you're doing out of obedience to God. Different dynamic and probably with a greater capacity for harm being done.

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Okay, so Fifty Shades of Grey sells over 10 million and is stuck at the top of the Best Sellers.

 

I will not Google stuff here (it's hard for me to unsee things), but can someone please tell me how this is different from the book?

 

http://www.girlsgonewise.com/a-black-and-white-choice-not-to-read-fifty-shades-of-grey/

 

First off, I cringe a bit when someone writes an entire article about a book they've never read. Secondly, I don't believe that sensuality is a sin and I feel a little sad for people who never feel this way in their marriage. The characters in the book do get married. I don't think the fact that they're married changes how anyone feels about any part of the book. I doubt anyone will write an article stating "Book 1 is smutt, but its OK to read Book 3 because it doesn't contain any premarital sex."

 

I'd argue that BDSM relationships are safer than DD situations because the submissive person can end the 'situation' with a single word. The religious version has no such safeguard. That said, it would have to be some weird fringe church that would support DD in the first place.

 

I'm guessing that if a woman signs on for a real DD situation, she's too messed up to know how messed up she really is?

 

 

Like a previous poster mentioned. When I saw 'Domestic Discipline', I also thought it had to do with some sort of home organization boot camp. I AM glad I followed up before working the phrase into casual conversation!

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We practice a different form of DD than the scripturally backed. We use it in conjunction with other aspects in our relationship, i.e. B*D*S*M*, and it works for us. It grounds me, and it was my idea. He doesn't up and hit me for no reason at all it's an agreed upon set of parameters and it has helped our relationship immensely. To each their own. Have questions, pm me :)

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My sister had the book and I borrowed it from her. I hated it for many reasons that I won't even get into here. :p It's different because in a DD relationship, these activities have God's approval in the minds of the participants. "We're doing this because God wants us to" is rather different from "We're doing this because we like it and it's fun." You can walk away from something that you're doing just because it's fun, but it's a little harder to walk away from something that you're doing out of obedience to God. Different dynamic and probably with a greater capacity for harm being done.

 

This is what I was trying to say in my post, but you said it better. :iagree:

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My sister had the book and I borrowed it from her. I hated it for many reasons that I won't even get into here. :p It's different because in a DD relationship, these activities have God's approval in the minds of the participants. "We're doing this because God wants us to" is rather different from "We're doing this because we like it and it's fun." You can walk away from something that you're doing just because it's fun, but it's a little harder to walk away from something that you're doing out of obedience to God. Different dynamic and probably with a greater capacity for harm being done.

I agree, we don't do it because of the Biblical directive we do it because it works for us :)

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I personally know of a pastor's wife whose husband spanked her for wrongdoing in front of her children (multiple times). It wasn't consensual on her part at all, but she couldn't stop him--or, at least, she was too afraid of him to try.

 

That is truly awful. I have so many other thoughts but awful really does describe the situation.

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I simply meant we don't do it because of some Biblical directive because there is none. I'm sure some people do practice the idea of domestic discipline and use scripture to back it up use scripture. I have yet to ever even be able to find anything that does "mandate" it in the bible nor in any religion that I have ever been part of. I can't speak for some of the more fundamental religions. I have been Catholic and now am exploring Orthodoxy and nothing I have seen says a husband disciplines his wife this way. My husband is head of household and like I said we do practice domestic discipline but it's not because a religion told me I needed to submit this way to my husband. I submit because of my choice, I submit because it makes us both happy. My husband is head of household and we practice the things we practice because it makes us both extremely happy.

 

eta: my husband fully respects me. he isn't the "this is my way and that's it" except for a few things. I prefer to defer to him because I am indecisive and I hate making decisions. On the other hand we discuss lots of things before making big decisions, as well as he defers to me on matters of homeschooling, child rearing, discipline for dd, breastfeeding, car seat safety, home designing, etc. I have my areas of knowledge and he has his. If neither of us knows a lot about something, we both research and discuss.

Edited by jillian
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I simply meant we don't do it because of some Biblical directive because there is none. I'm sure some people do practice the idea of domestic discipline and use scripture to back it up use scripture. I have yet to ever even be able to find anything that does "mandate" it in the bible nor in any religion that I have ever been part of. I can't speak for some of the more fundamental religions. I have been Catholic and now am exploring Orthodoxy and nothing I have seen says a husband disciplines his wife this way. My husband is head of household and like I said we do practice domestic discipline but it's not because a religion told me I needed to submit this way to my husband. I submit because of my choice, I submit because it makes us both happy. My husband is head of household and we practice the things we practice because it makes us both extremely happy.

 

Well I think it's great you're sharing your side of things. I'm sure you're not the only one here who practices this. I do wonder how spankings from a husband can be anything other than humiliating and degrading. I still don't see how it can cause someone to feel extremely happy unless they're getting aroused from it in some way. But there's a lot of things people do that I do not understand so whatever.

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I would rilly, rilly not want to admit this in public. I finally googled it after only assuming what it was throughout the thread. Oh my. I kind of laughed. Except when I thought of this when children are around. I am against hitting children anyways.

 

Then I stumbled on something called In Hand....ok totally don't get that one either, but there are all kinds I guess.

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Well I think it's great you're sharing your side of things. I'm sure you're not the only one here who practices this. I do wonder how spankings from a husband can be anything other than humiliating and degrading. I still don't see how it can cause someone to feel extremely happy unless they're getting aroused from it in some way. But there's a lot of things people do that I do not understand so whatever.

Thank you for your kind words. I am all about opening communication lines about things that are taboo to a lot of people. Then again for many many years I wanted to be a sexual health therapist. I truly feel that if both people in a relationship are enjoying and feeling happy with how things are going there is no need to try and change. For example:

If a husband, Bob, and a wife, Mary (sorry if anyone here is named Mary and married to a Bob lol they are my generic names to use) are married and happy but Bob likes to dress as a woman or wear women's underwear and it gets him feeling "frisky" and Mary doesn't mind, there isn't a reason to change something that works for them.

 

I know our position isn't the norm, but I am much more centered and balanced. Sounds silly to a lot of people or ridiculous but I genuinely love my husband even more because he will discipline me. :)

 

Eta: just so no one thinks we do this with dd around, we don't. She is always in bed, we are in our room with our door locked and there is never any yelling. Dh never disciplines me in anger and he never would.

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Well I think it's great you're sharing your side of things. I'm sure you're not the only one here who practices this. I do wonder how spankings from a husband can be anything other than humiliating and degrading. I still don't see how it can cause someone to feel extremely happy unless they're getting aroused from it in some way. But there's a lot of things people do that I do not understand so whatever.

 

Unless it is sexual I don't see how a woman would want a man to spank and treat her as a naughty toddler. I don't see how a man could be sexually attracted to a woman who he feels needs to be spanked like a naughty toddler. If I ever meant a man who wanted to spank me because I did something wrong I would run, I would really get my daughters away from him if he feels the need to treat a woman this way.

 

Why would a real man need to spank his wife? Why would a real woman need to be treated like a child? Mommy and daddy never loved me issues is all I can think of and I truly hope these people never cross my path. For a woman I pity you for a man you deserve nothing but my disgust. I would run from anyone who thinks they answer to God only that screams of cultish behavior.

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