I.Dup. Posted July 13, 2012 Share Posted July 13, 2012 I don't understand it either and have the same feeling of disgust. But I think the pp is brave for admitting it, LOL! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jillian Posted July 13, 2012 Share Posted July 13, 2012 Unless it is sexual I don't see how a woman would want a man to spank and treat her as a naughty toddler. I don't see how a man could be sexually attracted to a woman who he feels needs to be spanked like a naughty toddler. If I ever meant a man who wanted to spank me because I did something wrong I would run, I would really get my daughters away from him if he feels the need to treat a woman this way. Why would a real man need to spank his wife? Why would a real woman need to be treated like a child? Mommy and daddy never loved me issues is all I can think of and I truly hope these people never cross my path. For a woman I pity you for a man you deserve nothing but my disgust. I would run from anyone who thinks they answer to God only that screams of cultish behavior. And you are perfectly entitled to your opinion, I can assure you that it works in our relationship, my daughter doesn't know of anything that happens in our bedroom, just like she does not know anything of our sexual relationship. I don't need your pity in the slightest though I respect that it's yours to feel and hand out as you see fit. Chances are that if you met me in real life you wouldn't have any clue whatsoever that happened in our private life. I don't look like a "freak". I certainly don't have "daddy issues". Like I said we don't do it for any sort of religious reasons. I can't explain it clearer than that. In fact the whole thing was my idea, it is my need. He can take it or leave it but he doesn't it because it is comforting to me. *shrug*. Kristi: Trust me y'all can't say anything I haven't ever heard. I've been called so many things "freak", "disgusting", I've been told people pity me and would never want to be my friend. I figure if people are that invested in what my husband and I do in our bedroom then we probably wouldn't get along any way or at least for very long. There are all kinds of things I don't understand in the world but unless it's harming innocent children or non consenting between adults I really don't care ya know? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
I.Dup. Posted July 13, 2012 Share Posted July 13, 2012 Well thank you for sharing. :001_smile: If you feel like answering, I am curious: Do you have to have a list of what you need to be disciplined for, that you present to him and ask him for specific discipline? Or does he make note and keep track? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nestof3 Posted July 14, 2012 Share Posted July 14, 2012 Unless it is sexual I don't see how a woman would want a man to spank and treat her as a naughty toddler. I don't see how a man could be sexually attracted to a woman who he feels needs to be spanked like a naughty toddler. If I ever meant a man who wanted to spank me because I did something wrong I would run, I would really get my daughters away from him if he feels the need to treat a woman this way. Why would a real man need to spank his wife? Why would a real woman need to be treated like a child? Mommy and daddy never loved me issues is all I can think of and I truly hope these people never cross my path. For a woman I pity you for a man you deserve nothing but my disgust. I would run from anyone who thinks they answer to God only that screams of cultish behavior. :iagree::iagree::iagree: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nestof3 Posted July 14, 2012 Share Posted July 14, 2012 We practice a different form of DD than the scripturally backed. We use it in conjunction with other aspects in our relationship, i.e. B*D*S*M*, and it works for us. It grounds me, and it was my idea. He doesn't up and hit me for no reason at all it's an agreed upon set of parameters and it has helped our relationship immensely. To each their own. Have questions, pm me :) Where did you get this idea from? I just really have a hard time believing this real. :confused: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jillian Posted July 14, 2012 Share Posted July 14, 2012 Where did you get this idea from? I just really have a hard time believing this real. :confused: As I stated we are in a B*D*S*M* relationship already and this was a natural extension but the discipline aspect isn't sexual. I don't expect anyone to understand unless they already sort of understand the lifestyle. We never hanky-panky after discipline. It's our personal rule. Some people do. If you want to read about how we do it to some aspect is check out the Taken In Hand website. It's not religious at all so there isn't any sort of odd "justification" for it. It's simply for people who engage in this practice for whatever reason. :) Hope that helps clear it up a bit. There are people that you probably encounter on a daily basis who enjoy things you would find objectionable (general yous) but they are normal folks to you in day to day life. They aren't like oh come over for dinner and watch my husband spank me lol. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nestof3 Posted July 14, 2012 Share Posted July 14, 2012 We practice a different form of DD than the scripturally backed. We use it in conjunction with other aspects in our relationship, i.e. B*D*S*M*, and it works for us. It grounds me, and it was my idea. He doesn't up and hit me for no reason at all it's an agreed upon set of parameters and it has helped our relationship immensely. To each their own. Have questions, pm me :) As I stated we are in a B*D*S*M* relationship already and this was a natural extension but the discipline aspect isn't sexual. I don't expect anyone to understand unless they already sort of understand the lifestyle. We never hanky-panky after discipline. It's our personal rule. Some people do. If you want to read about how we do it to some aspect is check out the Taken In Hand website. It's not religious at all so there isn't any sort of odd "justification" for it. It's simply for people who engage in this practice for whatever reason. :) Hope that helps clear it up a bit. There are people that you probably encounter on a daily basis who enjoy things you would find objectionable (general yous) but they are normal folks to you in day to day life. They aren't like oh come over for dinner and watch my husband spank me lol. I'm a little slow on this. So, is the purpose enjoyment, or is the purpose some sort of forgiveness -- something you need to feel like a better person. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted July 14, 2012 Share Posted July 14, 2012 As I stated we are in a B*D*S*M* relationship already and this was a natural extension but the discipline aspect isn't sexual. I don't expect anyone to understand unless they already sort of understand the lifestyle. We never hanky-panky after discipline. It's our personal rule. Some people do. If you want to read about how we do it to some aspect is check out the Taken In Hand website. It's not religious at all so there isn't any sort of odd "justification" for it. It's simply for people who engage in this practice for whatever reason. :) Hope that helps clear it up a bit. There are people that you probably encounter on a daily basis who enjoy things you would find objectionable (general yous) but they are normal folks to you in day to day life. They aren't like oh come over for dinner and watch my husband spank me lol. I am very, very, very open minded. I could *totally* understand BDSM as a sexual style. But reading about submission to authority for discipline from a *partner* for non sexual reasons makes my breathing shallow and my heart race. Right now, I have to say I believe that an age/lifespan peer should never have that kind of authority over another person. I can't imagine a scenario in which that is appropriate, healthy, or on the continuum of "not my thing but ok." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jillian Posted July 14, 2012 Share Posted July 14, 2012 (edited) I'm a little slow on this. So, is the purpose enjoyment, or is the purpose some sort of forgiveness -- something you need to feel like a better person. For me it grounds me. For me and my mental health (I have been diagnosed as Bipolar, OCD and ED-NOS) the grounding that comes from discipline quiets my mind. I know it doesn't make sense, it's like how can a spanking make me feel happier? I promise I know that. I enjoy the quiet my mind gains from it. It stems from the same things that make B*D*S*M* enjoyable for me. I am also a bit of a m*sochist so take what I say with a realization that for me pain is enjoyable (as long as the power exchange is freely given). It centers, grounds me, and believe it or not makes me feel extremely safe with dh. I know if for any reason I ever became uncomfortable for any reason he would stop immediately and we would leave this aspect of our marriage alone for a bit and revisit it later when I was comfortable. This isn't something that he even thought of/up. This is something that I brought up and introduced to him. After over a year of talking we finally decided to approach it in practice. ETA in response to Joanne, I have been in abusive relationships seeking out the Dominance in a partner and this is as far from an abusive relationship as possible. It's okay for it to not make sense, it barely makes sense to me. Some people go and run marathons to feel centered/grounded, others hit a punching bag. None of those things (and I have tried alot to get that feeling of peace and clarity) and this works. The power exchange that is involved in BDSM and the power exchange that is involved in this is very similar. Also "it's not your thing but ok" is true because it's safe, it's sane and it is extremely consensual. I'm not asking you to partake (general you) nor am I asking anyone to watch it happen. :) Edited July 14, 2012 by jillian Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nestof3 Posted July 14, 2012 Share Posted July 14, 2012 Thanks for answering. For me it grounds me. For me and my mental health (I have been diagnosed as Bipolar, OCD and ED-NOS) the grounding that comes from discipline quiets my mind. I know it doesn't make sense, it's like how can a spanking make me feel happier? I promise I know that. I enjoy the quiet my mind gains from it. It stems from the same things that make B*D*S*M* enjoyable for me. I am also a bit of a m*sochist so take what I say with a realization that for me pain is enjoyable (as long as the power exchange is freely given). It centers, grounds me, and believe it or not makes me feel extremely safe with dh. I know if for any reason I ever became uncomfortable for any reason he would stop immediately and we would leave this aspect of our marriage alone for a bit and revisit it later when I was comfortable. This isn't something that he even thought of/up. This is something that I brought up and introduced to him. After over a year of talking we finally decided to approach it in practice. ETA in response to Joanne, I have been in abusive relationships seeking out the Dominance in a partner and this is as far from an abusive relationship as possible. It's okay for it to not make sense, it barely makes sense to me. Some people go and run marathons to feel centered/grounded, others hit a punching bag. None of those things (and I have tried alot to get that feeling of peace and clarity) and this works. The power exchange that is involved in BDSM and the power exchange that is involved in this is very similar. Also "it's not your thing but ok" is true because it's safe, it's sane and it is extremely consensual. I'm not asking you to partake (general you) nor am I asking anyone to watch it happen. :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmoe Posted July 14, 2012 Share Posted July 14, 2012 Jill, Does this discipline help you function throughout the day knowing discipline will be coming your way at the end of the day if you don't do what you are suppose to? Does that part of it help you feel more in control? And have your husband and you decided ahead of time what kinds of things require discipline? Hope these questions are okay---Not trying to judge, but rather understand. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted July 14, 2012 Share Posted July 14, 2012 For me it grounds me. For me and my mental health (I have been diagnosed as Bipolar, OCD and ED-NOS) the grounding that comes from discipline quiets my mind. I know it doesn't make sense, it's like how can a spanking make me feel happier? I promise I know that. I enjoy the quiet my mind gains from it. It stems from the same things that make B*D*S*M* enjoyable for me. I am also a bit of a m*sochist so take what I say with a realization that for me pain is enjoyable (as long as the power exchange is freely given). It centers, grounds me, and believe it or not makes me feel extremely safe with dh. I know if for any reason I ever became uncomfortable for any reason he would stop immediately and we would leave this aspect of our marriage alone for a bit and revisit it later when I was comfortable. I can understand this. We don't do this, but I get it and have enjoyed some role playing at times. My best analogy for people trying to figure out how pain/punishment could bring satisfaction is to compare it to running a marathon or some such thing. There is no NEED to run one, and they are physcially very hard on the body (more so than a spanking!), but in pushing through the pain people find a "runner's high" and a quieting of the mind. BDSM type stuff can do the same....produce endorphins, produce a quieting of the mind, etc. It isn't a perfect analogy, but it helps I think. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
butterflymommy Posted July 14, 2012 Share Posted July 14, 2012 I knew a woman (conservative christian) who claimed the taken in hand stuff saved their marriage. She claimed it wasn't sexual but it did spill into their sex life (and I got all the explicit details :001_huh:). At the time I remember thinking this was just an excuse for conservative christians to be kinky. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jillian Posted July 14, 2012 Share Posted July 14, 2012 Jill, Does this discipline help you function throughout the day knowing discipline will be coming your way at the end of the day if you don't do what you are suppose to? Does that part of it help you feel more in control? And have your husband and you decided ahead of time what kinds of things require discipline? Hope these questions are okay---Not trying to judge, but rather understand. yes it helps me function more efficiently I can understand this. We don't do this, but I get it and have enjoyed some role playing at times. My best analogy for people trying to figure out how pain/punishment could bring satisfaction is to compare it to running a marathon or some such thing. There is no NEED to run one, and they are physcially very hard on the body (more so than a spanking!), but in pushing through the pain people find a "runner's high" and a quieting of the mind. BDSM type stuff can do the same....produce endorphins, produce a quieting of the mind, etc. It isn't a perfect analogy, but it helps I think. Exactly. It just makes me happy. I knew a woman (conservative christian) who claimed the taken in hand stuff saved their marriage. She claimed it wasn't sexual but it did spill into their sex life (and I got all the explicit details :001_huh:). At the time I remember thinking this was just an excuse for conservative christians to be kinky. Lol. :lol: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jillian Posted July 14, 2012 Share Posted July 14, 2012 yes it helps me function more efficiently Exactly. It just makes me happy. Lol. :lol: Yes we have an agreed upon set of rules and if those get broken barring something like a migraine or something like a fibromyalgia flare I get disciplined. Its a set number for certain things too. So its not willy nilly On kindle sorry for weird typing or misspellings. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KungFuPanda Posted July 14, 2012 Author Share Posted July 14, 2012 On this episode of Ask Jill, I want to know: Is corner time what it sounds like, (or am I guessing way off) and do you practice it? During the actual 'punishment' do you like it or hate it? Is it like crunches . . . torturous while they're happening but the results are worth it? Or are you one of those people who enjoy crunches while they're happening. Is this somehow easier than developing a sense of intrinsic motivation? Not trying to pick on you, it's just that when I tried to google, some of the sites are just a bit much for me to take visually, so I didn't read enough to figure out if it was all hoaxy to generate site traffic or what. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Audrey Posted July 14, 2012 Share Posted July 14, 2012 I am very, very, very open minded. I could *totally* understand BDSM as a sexual style. But reading about submission to authority for discipline from a *partner* for non sexual reasons makes my breathing shallow and my heart race. Right now, I have to say I believe that an age/lifespan peer should never have that kind of authority over another person. I can't imagine a scenario in which that is appropriate, healthy, or on the continuum of "not my thing but ok." :iagree: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liz CA Posted July 15, 2012 Share Posted July 15, 2012 I am not sure I am thinking of the right thing but I'd rather think about food, blueberries and ice cream right now anyway...perhaps I will be disciplined for that? :glare: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[email protected] Posted July 15, 2012 Share Posted July 15, 2012 Let's, um, take this to PM now. Moderator Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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