Domestic Discipline. For real?

[LaxMom]

I guess my question is, is that the 'framework' for it, or is it a sincerely held belief? If there's genuine *force* in play, then it's domestic violence. If that's the 'platform' or 'stage' for it, then it's part of the game, kwim?

 

I mean...ppl who are willing participants in D/s, BDSM don't talk pretty, but it's part of the role play. For them, it's part of the excitment.

 

Not my particular cuppa, but as long as they're consenting and willing...*shrug*

 

That's what I'm wondering about. If there's consent happening. That's why I'm unwilling to give a blanket condemnation. I don't care if ppl are into D/s, BDSM, or dressing up as rubber chickens, as long as they're willing and consenting.

 

Let's be honest here...Some ppl use and twist the most benign issues into vehicles for abuse. Some ppl also need something to 'legitimize' their kink.

 

Seems to me like this could fall everywhere along the spectrum.

 

The difference - and I apologize, I wasn't clear in expressing my thought before - is that in BDSM, it is the submissive who is ultimately in control. In this, consent may be given initially (though it sounds as if there is not a great deal of choice there, and that this is more in the mindset of imposing a man's "rightful" dominance over all others in his household), but the husband is in control I've how much, how often, and where the limit is. There is no safe word or other stop mechanism mutually accepted by both parties. And that, in my mind, takes it out of the mutual role playing for pleasure realm.

 

Plus, I have reservations about giving someone who is making Mighty Machines noises while moving things around on the counter unquestioned authority over me. (which I have also mentioned to Mr Mighty Machine over there... So he threatened to spank me for questioning him. Snort. ;) )

[tristangrace]

Hmm... Interesting question. I don't know what I would give my "stamp of approval" to, but I don't necessarily think it's my place to approve or disapprove of a relationship where both partners say they are happy and neither of those partners is me or anyone else in my family. :) Just because I don't understand certain kinks (and there are plenty of kinks I don't understand) doesn't automatically make them unhealthy. I think they can be unhealthy in certain contexts and many of them can be part of a healthy relationship. Obviously people are bringing up a lot of abusive situations where the punishments or whatever you want to call them, were part of a very unhealthy dynamic in a relationship, but just because that's the case, I don't automatically assume that all relationships with punishments or discipline are unhealthy. I think to do so is to oversimplify. Most things in life simply aren't that black and white.

 

I'm not asking you (using the universal "you" here, not you specifically) to give or withhold your approval of a specific relationship, or to make judgments on things you don't understand (wouldn't that be terribly difficult???), or to sort gray things into bins labeled "black" and "white."

 

I'm asking what you think of the line of reasoning that says that says that the primary determinant of what is good/acceptable/healthy in a relationship is whether the two people in the relationship agree to it.

 

From the sound of it, some people here talk as if that were the case. In other words, they don't just take the concept of mutual consent as one factor of many in evaluation of what's good or bad in a relationship--they seem to say, "Hey, as long as there is mutual consent, it's all good."

 

And THAT is massive oversimplification, is it not?

[Mimm]

I'm not asking you (using the universal "you" here, not you specifically) to give or withhold your approval of a specific relationship, or to make judgments on things you don't understand (wouldn't that be terribly difficult???), or to sort gray things into bins labeled "black" and "white."

 

I'm asking what you think of the line of reasoning that says that says that the primary determinant of what is good/acceptable/healthy in a relationship is whether the two people in the relationship agree to it.

 

From the sound of it, some people here talk as if that were the case. In other words, they don't just take the concept of mutual consent as one factor of many in evaluation of what's good or bad in a relationship--they seem to say, "Hey, as long as there is mutual consent, it's all good."

 

And THAT is massive oversimplification, is it not?

 

It probably is an oversimplification but I would say mutual consent is vitally important and lays the groundwork for determining what is healthy in a relationship. If one person doesn't want a particular activity in their relationship, that pretty much shuts down the conversation. At that point, if the activity occurs, it is coercive and/or abusive.

 

If mutual consent exists, yes, I'm pretty open minded about what people can do in their own relationships. Obviously, each relationship would need to be evaluated individually, by the people involved, to see that nothing else prevents those activities from being acceptable to both people. But the reason people are saying "So long as there is mutual consent, it's all good," is because that's pretty much the first, most important step. Without it, it's not all good. With it, people can determine what's best for them.

[Parrothead]

So, for folks who believe that "anything goes, as long as both adults consent", are you giving your stamp of approval to a marriage where one partner beats the other, or both regularly engage in violence against each other, as long as both of them say, "This is OK for my marriage. I don't expect things to change, I don't need for them to change; I don't want to leave this relationship"?

 

 

Yes. There are (sadly) some people, both male and female, that get off this way. I would hope they find each other than to lure some unsuspecting person into their kink.

[Parrothead]

Again, from a D/s, BDSM perspective, there's a whole difference btwn domestic violence and that. If two ppl decide that that kind of relationship is mutally desirable, mutally satisfying, then it's not my place to judge that.

 

I don't consider ppl who engage in the D/s, BDSM lifestyle ill. I've known several cpls that engage in the lifestyle, learned a lot about it, so it's not something that I'm completely unaware of. The cpls I knew were healthy ppl, who found playing w/power and control exciting. So be it. *shrug*

 

Not my cuppa, but I'm not wiling to label others who have a different perspective on maritial excitement as being dysfunctional or unhealthy.

:iagree:

[Impish]

It probably is an oversimplification but I would say mutual consent is vitally important and lays the groundwork for determining what is healthy in a relationship. If one person doesn't want a particular activity in their relationship, that pretty much shuts down the conversation. At that point, if the activity occurs, it is coercive and/or abusive.

 

If mutual consent exists, yes, I'm pretty open minded about what people can do in their own relationships. Obviously, each relationship would need to be evaluated individually, by the people involved, to see that nothing else prevents those activities from being acceptable to both people. But the reason people are saying "So long as there is mutual consent, it's all good," is because that's pretty much the first, most important step. Without it, it's not all good. With it, people can determine what's best for them.

:iagree:

[Parrothead]

It probably is an oversimplification but I would say mutual consent is vitally important and lays the groundwork for determining what is healthy in a relationship. If one person doesn't want a particular activity in their relationship, that pretty much shuts down the conversation. At that point, if the activity occurs, it is coercive and/or abusive.

 

If mutual consent exists, yes, I'm pretty open minded about what people can do in their own relationships. Obviously, each relationship would need to be evaluated individually, by the people involved, to see that nothing else prevents those activities from being acceptable to both people. But the reason people are saying "So long as there is mutual consent, it's all good," is because that's pretty much the first, most important step. Without it, it's not all good. With it, people can determine what's best for them.

:iagree:

[Parrothead]

Yeah. It's shocking to me, and probably you, but hey if that is what they go for....

 

Some people are shocked by my atheism and the fact I homeschool. I mean to the point they think I should be locked up or something. So...

Oh, sweetie. Remember I was in law enforcement for 15 years. Nothing shocks me. The stories I could tell of some of the things found in the evidence locker.

[MeghanL]

My husband & I talked about this very subject for about 2 hours. It was right after I finished Fifty Shades of Gray. I was "eh" on the book by the way.

 

However, what I found most interesting about the book was the entire chapter devoted to an in-depth contract about expectations, hard stops, safety words, etc. Really I thought that for any church or marriage to want submission from either party and as an extent of that any relationship that wants a submissive partner, that the contract would be necessary. I actually think Christian submissiveness could learn a thing or two from the contract portion of the book in regards to how they set up their marriages.

[I.Dup.]

I actually think Christian submissiveness could learn a thing or two from the contract portion of the book in regards to how they set up their marriages.

 

I can just see pastors handing the book out at Sunday services... :lol:

[I.Dup.]

Oh, sweetie. Remember I was in law enforcement for 15 years. Nothing shocks me. The stories I could tell of some of the things found in the evidence locker.

 

Stop everything. Now you must share. :D:tongue_smilie:

[TranquilMind]

With this board as big as it is I was really waiting for someone to chime in with, Oh we do that it is no big deal etc etc. I really was waiting for it. I guess I can add another reason to the I will not get married list now.

I got the impression that someone implied this (can't remember who now...)

 

This is about sex, plain and simple.

[justLisa]

Yeah. It's shocking to me, and probably you, but hey if that is what they go for....

 

Some people are shocked by my atheism and the fact I homeschool. I mean to the point they think I should be locked up or something. So...

 

Yes. And I have seen a shocked almost falling over person think that meant I worship the devil.

 

I seriously don't get this. I am trying to imagine being friends with someone who had this lifestyle. I wonder how they are outside the marriage?

[thefragile7393]

Stop everything. Now you must share. :D:tongue_smilie:

:iagree:

[Impish]

I'm so confused though. Are we talking about se* or a spouse treating another spouse like a child? There's a huge difference.

But, for some ppl, that's exciting. And part of the s8x life.

Yes. And I have seen a shocked almost falling over person think that meant I worship the devil.

 

I seriously don't get this. I am trying to imagine being friends with someone who had this lifestyle. I wonder how they are outside the marriage?

The ppl I knew that were into D/s, BDSM, you'd NEVER, EVER have a clue. Ever, unless they chose to tell you.

[tristangrace]

That's tricky because as soon as I say no it's not a good enough reason to make something right (that both agree to it) I'm injecting my beliefs into it. And I don't really want to do that either.

 

I'm ok with pretty much anything as long as we are talking about 2 healthy adults who have the mental capacity to make such a decision. Not saying that's simple either.

 

 

Thanks for the discussion, you guys. I really do enjoy getting to know how other people think.

 

One of the points I'm getting at, Wendy, is that there is no way to NOT interject one's own beliefs in our evaluation of other people and situations on the planet. The only alternative would be to have no beliefs/opinions/ideas of one's own, and that's just not possible.

 

Now, you could say that the two people inside the relationship are in a better position to judge it than you are--that's a judgement/belief I agree with. And you could say that you feel uncomfortable commenting on other people's relationships--that's a feeling, possibly related to a judgement or belief. And you can say that you think linking that violence/domination with intimate relationships and sexual arousal is healthy in some cases, and that's a judgement/belief that I disagree with.

 

But in any case, you DO have opinions, beliefs, and feelings that you ARE interjecting into your evaluation of these relationships. You can't help making judgements: every sentient being does.

[lovinmomma]

The instances I know of IRL have been wife driven as part of a desire to become more "holy" through submission to her husband. It was watching this play out that sent us RUNNING from the last vestiges of the denominational teachings DH was raised in.

 

I certainly do NOT get into this type of play (if you want to call it that) nor have I ever before. I've been reading the different opinions, though, and I did remember some friends that really get something out of being dominated. They love to be dominated. So, I'm guessing that these wives may fall into this category??? Is that possible?

[lovinmomma]

The difference - and I apologize, I wasn't clear in expressing my thought before - is that in BDSM, it is the submissive who is ultimately in control. In this, consent may be given initially (though it sounds as if there is not a great deal of choice there, and that this is more in the mindset of imposing a man's "rightful" dominance over all others in his household), but the husband is in control I've how much, how often, and where the limit is. There is no safe word or other stop mechanism mutually accepted by both parties. And that, in my mind, takes it out of the mutual role playing for pleasure realm.

 

Plus, I have reservations about giving someone who is making Mighty Machines noises while moving things around on the counter unquestioned authority over me. (which I have also mentioned to Mr Mighty Machine over there... So he threatened to spank me for questioning him. Snort. ;) )

 

Hmmm... interesting thought.

[amydavis]

The difference - and I apologize, I wasn't clear in expressing my thought before - is that in BDSM, it is the submissive who is ultimately in control. In this, consent may be given initially (though it sounds as if there is not a great deal of choice there, and that this is more in the mindset of imposing a man's "rightful" dominance over all others in his household), but the husband is in control I've how much, how often, and where the limit is. There is no safe word or other stop mechanism mutually accepted by both parties. And that, in my mind, takes it out of the mutual role playing for pleasure realm.

 

:iagree:

Yes, to the above. Although I really wish I hadn't googled...I did. And one of the websites I landed on was an informational one run by a male, in order to help others begin this kind of relationship. It specifically mentioned that the husband had to decide how many swats, with what kind of implement, etc. It mentioned not having a set number because the husband needed to gauge by the woman's reaction...basically, how long until she cried. It talked about maintenance spankings, to be done periodically, even without any wrong-doing, in order to maintain the submissiveness. It talked about how to quietly discipline while on vacation. It walked the men through how the woman should lean, with her arms under her, and his hand on her back, to ensure less movement. It gave the pros and cons of using different things, such as a hairbrush. It also stated that the woman needed to trust that the husband was in control...so that even though it may bother the husband to hear his wife say no, or to plead, or to cry...that he alone decided what transgressions deserved a spanking, and what kind of spanking, for how long, and what percentage of strength to be used.

 

There was a Q&A section, and the questions contained some women, one wanted to know when to talk to her children, including the daughter, to make sure they chose this kind of relationship. The other was an unmarried woman that felt this kind of accountability would help her with her eating issues...:confused: The two I read from men contained one that needed advice because his wife had a high pain threshold, and he was hurting his hand, but did not want to use a wooden spoon. There was another question from another man wanting to know which implement would work best to help his wife learn not to spend so much money.:ack2:

 

So, while I don't doubt there are some relationships, where there is mutual respect, and it's basically being used once and awhile in order to spice things up...I truly believe this exists for many women as part of a specific, patriarchal, and domineering lifestyle that they may feel they are choosing, but there is truly no real choice.

 

My opinion is...the one or two blogs I read, written by women that say they are living in this lifestyle...I feel if they decided no spanking tonight, they could walk out of the bedroom and say so. I just get that vibe. However, once again, in my opinion, the women who have husbands writing for advice on the other board I saw...they have no blogs, and they know better than to say no...

[Devan]

I googled anyway and really wish I hadn't. I somehow ended up on a blog that was so sick... I feel ill now.

[justLisa]

But, for some ppl, that's exciting. And part of the s8x life.

 

The ppl I knew that were into D/s, BDSM, you'd NEVER, EVER have a clue. Ever, unless they chose to tell you.

 

I would NEVER want to know. I actually don't care what consenting mentally stable adults do (and the latter may sometimes be hard to define) but I think it's creepy.

 

Oh please...I make no special exception for the devil. :tongue_smilie::D

 

You know, I actually think my mom thought this very same thing about athiests at one time. And I am rilly, rilly embarrassed about that LOL.

[Parrothead]

Hah...although this reminds me of my "incident". If you read it (got deleted) about me having pretty much a nervous breakdown in my back yard...911 called...etc... I thought for sure they'd lock me up or take me away. Nope. They hardly seemed phased. Nobody has bothered me since about it. Apparently I'm pretty boring. :tongue_smilie:

I remember. :grouphug:

[Parrothead]

Stop everything. Now you must share. :D:tongue_smilie:

This is a family forum. ;) Suffice it to say that some of the stuff would make a SMer blush.

[Parrothead]

I'm so confused though. Are we talking about se* or a spouse treating another spouse like a child? There's a huge difference.

Not for some. ;)

[Parrothead]

Yes. And I have seen a shocked almost falling over person think that meant I worship the devil.

 

I seriously don't get this. I am trying to imagine being friends with someone who had this lifestyle. I wonder how they are outside the marriage?

Probably as normal as you or I. I don't share my level of kinky (no where near these levels) with my best friends. They don't share with me. But if one of them old me they enjoy being spanked... more power to them.

[ktgrok]

eh...still seems like roleplaying to me...and I'm not going into my kinks, or those of my friends, but whatever floats your boat.

[justLisa]

Probably as normal as you or I. I don't share my level of kinky (no where near these levels) with my best friends. They don't share with me. But if one of them old me they enjoy being spanked... more power to them.

 

Yeah gettin spanked during *that* time and having your daily morning till night be like that though....that is strange. But yeah, I don't broad cast our private life of exhibition to any extent. And it makes me blush and giggle like a kid in health class.

[KungFuPanda]

Based on your responses to this thread, I have sorted you all into two categories:

 

:seeya: and :svengo:

 

 

:D

[Parrothead]

Based on your responses to this thread, I have sorted you all into two categories:

 

:seeya: and :svengo:

 

 

:D

Wondering what that little waving guy means cause I know I don't belong in the fainting category. :D:lol:

[KungFuPanda]

Wondering what that little waving guy means cause I know I don't belong in the fainting category. :D:lol:

 

He's the spanking guy now. I've reassigned him. Forever.

[Impish]

He's the spanking guy now. I've reassigned him. Forever.

:lol:

[Parrothead]

He's the spanking guy now. I've reassigned him. Forever.

Why not just use this one?

[lovinmomma]

Why not just use this one?

 

Oh my. I just busted out laughing so hard. :lol: :auto:

[justLisa]

Why not just use this one?

 

WHERE did you get that :lol::lol::lol:

[Parrothead]

WHERE did you get that :lol::lol::lol:

I'll never tell. :D

 

 

(Photobucket)

[Mom-ninja.]

I once had a group of friends of four. We hung out all the time. Our kids were around the same age. We had lots in common. Except for one thing. That one thing I didn't know about, and wouldn't have wanted to know about. Then one night we had a "Moms night" and it all went downhill. That night I witnessed these moms, my friends, doing things in public I never would have dreamed they would do. I was stunned. As the night wore on I was approached by my friends about joining. Um, nah. I'm good. Thanks but no thanks. It didn't stop. They debated trying to convert me. Tried to get random men to "win me over."

 

The night turned into a bizarre twilight zone episode for me. When I finally got home, I emailed the group of them and said I wasn't their kind of peep. I've never spoken to any of them again.

 

Needless to say my dh was ticked, and made comments about what he would do if any of them had been men.

 

Oddly, that was the second time something like that happened to me. I must give off some kind of vibe. Actually, that's exactly what one of the women told me. She said they all figured I was "one of them" because I had a vibe. :001_huh:

 

I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not. :tongue_smilie: *snort*

[Mimm]

Why not just use this one?

 

:eek:

[Joyofsixreboot]

Holy Moley! Now I have to explain why I'm laughing.

[Mimm]

Holy Moley! Now I have to explain why I'm laughing.

 

I know. Last night when I first landed on this thread, I googled it (because I'd never heard the term) and landed on this one woman's blog where she was talking about her husband spanking her and it was so clear they were both really into it and I was just sitting here giggling and reading and getting funny looks from my husband. :p

[KungFuPanda]

Why not just use this one?

 

I may have just peed a little. Um, I didn't see this on the WTM 'approved' smilie list!

[jewellsmommy]

If it is intimate play, then ..whatever.., but that is not what I got here from a DD how to blog:

 

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

We'll start with a definition of what exactly a spanking is. A spanking is a punishment in which the husband (or head of the household) strikes the buttocks and/or sit spot of his life partner with his hand or an implement in an effort to correct an unwanted, dangerous, or detrimental behavior for the greater good of the marriage/relationship, and the family dynamic. Spanking is only to be done in a calm, collected, level headed, reasonable, rational, and loving manner. I cannot stress that point enough. Read that sentence again if you have to. The husband (or head of the household) MUST be under control when administering a spanking. Spanking should only be done when a mistake is made, or poor judgment is used. This is NOT a "fun", "exciting", or "sexual" activity to be done whenever you feel like it. If you find a spanking to be any of those things, you're reading the wrong blog.

 

AND:

Step 4: Decide if you're spanking over the clothes, over the underwear/pajamas, or bare-bottomed. For more about the pros and cons of each option, click here. "Alright sweetheart - let's get this done. I know it's uncomfortable for you, but I'm going to need you to take off your jeans please. Let's not drag this out any longer than we need to."

 

Step 5: Have your wife get into spanking position. I've outlined the spanking positions here, and the one I recommend the most is the leaning over the bed position. "Go ahead and get into position honey. The more you cooperate with this process, the faster it will be over with. You're doing great. Thank you for cooperating."

------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

:001_huh:

I find this appalling! I take no issue with couples doing their thing, but this seems different. It is the man who always does the spanking, and it seems like some sort of mental dominance thing.

Edited July 12, 2012 by jewellsmommy

[jewellsmommy]

This is also from that blog:

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Step 9: Once your wife is completely calmed down, ask her again why she got spanked so you make sure she understands the problem, and what to do next time to correct it.

 

Step 10: Give your wife another hug, then go on about your day/evening.

 

Step 11: Do NOT rub it afterwards, do NOT provide lotion/ice/aloe vera, do NOT let her rub it afterwards. I'm absolutely shocked at how many people allow this. All of that completely defeats the purpose and if any of that is provided, you may as well not have conducted the spanking in the first place. If your wife sneaks lotion/ice, or if she starts rubbing it, I would add an additional punishment. I would start out with corner time, and escalate it from there as needed.

 

There are a lot of steps to a spanking, but all of them are important. This isn't easy to do for both individuals involved. Make sure the wife gets rewarded for any and all cooperation. You want to reinforce cooperation since it increases the likelihood of cooperation next time.

 

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

 

 

How is it consensual if she is not allowed to even use some lotion!

[ktgrok]

This is also from that blog:

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Step 9: Once your wife is completely calmed down, ask her again why she got spanked so you make sure she understands the problem, and what to do next time to correct it.

 

Step 10: Give your wife another hug, then go on about your day/evening.

 

Step 11: Do NOT rub it afterwards, do NOT provide lotion/ice/aloe vera, do NOT let her rub it afterwards. I'm absolutely shocked at how many people allow this. All of that completely defeats the purpose and if any of that is provided, you may as well not have conducted the spanking in the first place. If your wife sneaks lotion/ice, or if she starts rubbing it, I would add an additional punishment. I would start out with corner time, and escalate it from there as needed.

 

There are a lot of steps to a spanking, but all of them are important. This isn't easy to do for both individuals involved. Make sure the wife gets rewarded for any and all cooperation. You want to reinforce cooperation since it increases the likelihood of cooperation next time.

 

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

 

 

How is it consensual if she is not allowed to even use some lotion!

 

I can't believe this is real, and not intended to turn people on. It reads exactly like some erotica. Not that I would know.

[Impish]

This is also from that blog:

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Step 9: Once your wife is completely calmed down, ask her again why she got spanked so you make sure she understands the problem, and what to do next time to correct it.

 

Step 10: Give your wife another hug, then go on about your day/evening.

 

Step 11: Do NOT rub it afterwards, do NOT provide lotion/ice/aloe vera, do NOT let her rub it afterwards. I'm absolutely shocked at how many people allow this. All of that completely defeats the purpose and if any of that is provided, you may as well not have conducted the spanking in the first place. If your wife sneaks lotion/ice, or if she starts rubbing it, I would add an additional punishment. I would start out with corner time, and escalate it from there as needed.

 

There are a lot of steps to a spanking, but all of them are important. This isn't easy to do for both individuals involved. Make sure the wife gets rewarded for any and all cooperation. You want to reinforce cooperation since it increases the likelihood of cooperation next time.

 

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

 

 

How is it consensual if she is not allowed to even use some lotion!

Would be part of the game, is my guess.

[Carrie12345]

I have not "googled" it, but I know 2 women who are currently in relationships where the husband punishes them for wrongdoing. (takes away their keys/cell phone, sends them to their room, etc.

 

I can't imagine a womean "consenting" to discipline...it is a form of domestic violence pure and simple.

 

One woman was "disciplined" so severely that she couldn't walk upright. She couldn't go to work for 3 days... :glare:

 

We finally convinced her to leave her husband and file a protection order.

 

The whole thing is scary, but I would just like to point out that I would LOVE for my dh to send me to my room! For hours! For days! Please!

[justLisa]

I can't believe this is real, and not intended to turn people on. It reads exactly like some erotica. Not that I would know.

 

Um yeah. Any man that can see and smack a naked woman's bum bent over and NOT get something....well IMO there is something wrong with that, and so I stand by my "if they are mentally stable." That is NOT mental stability.

[8circles]

I can't believe this is real, and not intended to turn people on. It reads exactly like some erotica. Not that I would know.

 

Well, i'm with you that it sounds like erotica to me. I also agree for the most part that when its 2 consenting adults im not bothered. However, I do think that it says something about the person who thinks that this kind of make-believe is a turn-on. I really can't reconcile that with a healthy psyche. I don't know...

[KungFuPanda]

WAIT! If the bum isn't the 'sit spot' WHAT IS the sit spot?????

 

Do I wanna know?

 

And corner time? Literally standing in a corner?

 

Edited July 12, 2012 by KungFuPanda

[amydavis]

Actually, the same website that I looked at, and another poster looked at, mentioned the arousal aspect. They draw a line between erotic and punitive spankings, and feel the two cannot be merged. The owner of the site actually seemed upset at the amount of questions centered on that, because having tEA immediately afterwards would serve as some kind of reward that would mess up the punitive aspect, and could cause the undesired behaviors to happen again. :glare: He understood that some couples would use erotic ones as part of their tEA time, but maintained that the two must be kept separate. He actually advocated for no less than 2 hours to pass after a spanking. And these spankings can last for 30 minutes...

 

I'm not saying that people aren't becoming aroused, because I'm sure they are. But, after reading the website...I am convinced that a certain segment of the population is absolutely using this as a way to modify the wife's behavior. They also put them in the corner, and take away privileges, etc. I honestly would have chalked it all up to tEA type of behavior, had I not become so sucked in to reading that site...geez, it was like a train wreck, and I just couldn't turn away once I was in there...but after reading the questions, I promise you...there are folks truly using it, I really believe it. It's a total male dominate thing. One poster spoke of his friend giving permission to him, and vice versa, to punish each other's wives. No spanking, but they could place them in the corner...Bizarre...

[ktgrok]

Well, i'm with you that it sounds like erotica to me. I also agree for the most part that when its 2 consenting adults im not bothered. However, I do think that it says something about the person who thinks that this kind of make-believe is a turn-on. I really can't reconcile that with a healthy psyche. I don't know...

 

there have been studies on it...very healthy people from a psychological standpoint enjoy BDSM. In fact, usually it is people that are very capable and independent in real life that enjoy being submissive in role play.