do you ever google the names of old flames/ suitors?

[Rosie_0801]

You know, I often think that if I could have my time again, and make my head rule my heart, I'd choose a husband based on how nice his mother was.

 

A friend was joking about how our kids should get married because her son talks non-stop and my dd hardly says anything. My first thought was relief about how dd would have pleasant inlaws.

:lol:

Rosie

[amo_mea_filiis.]

Not cool at all!!!

 

I googled a guy and came across a court document (in his town) convicting him of something with a child, now on the sex offender list. :( we broke up because he got a letter from somewhere accusing him of abuse with his neice. He cant read well, so i read him the letter, and he was very weird in his denial, and i left him.

 

No more google for me.

[Lizzie in Ma]

No, but I "stalk" a couple via their siblings on Facebook. I am friends with their siblings but they are not on FB. I do still care that they are happy.

[Ipsey]

I only had one "boyfriend" in high school. I say "boyfriend" because we were really more friends, strictly platonic, and were of the same very devoted religious faith, and weren't going to date those outside of the faith--so we were all we had.

 

He was absolutely adorable, and I finally found him at the same time he found me--after losing track of one another for 12 years.

 

He went to a Christian school in another state and I stayed in our state, and his parents moved away.

 

Turns out, he's gay (which I figured out when I met some gay people in college). I was really worried that he was alone and sad and trying to pray the gay away--but as it turned out, he had been with a partner nearly as long as I had been married. :) They drove two states to come and visit my family the summer we reconnected. They met at church--though a different one from the kind we grew up in.

 

Really, he's living the dream, and I'm so happy for him, and I'm glad to have him as a friend again.

Edited June 28, 2012 by Ipsey
HAHAHAHA! "Platonic" because we're not from Pluto

[Pamela H in Texas]

Well, generally I think it is a bad idea to look these things up and even worse to even think about connecting in any way. We all think we are so strong and wouldn't do something stupid. WAY too many people thought the same thing and fell. However, I went ahead and did a quick search. So all of these were teenage things as I've been with hubby since 18.

 

So the guy I met online at 14 (kept in contact into adulthood) is *very*......just way out there. However, he his wife, and daughter look happy. But they definitely look like they could be on Wife Swap.

 

The guy I was absolutely in love with at 12 (I was boy crazy by Kindergarten, seriously), I was sure I was going to run off and marry (we looked to see what state we could do that in!). We also kept in contact into adulthood. Anyway, he married, went to prison, married again. Has the exact same interests that he did when 13. Has beautiful children. Seems extremely happy, maybe a tad rough around the edges.

 

The last one I had looked up before. He is married in another state, is a homeschooling dad of 8 children (unless they've had more in the last couple years...I didn't re-look them up). His oldest son looks EXACTLY like he did as a teenager. He has gained a good bit of weight. It is just the perfect life and sweet. It has crossed my mind many times over the years that his wife could be on this board.

Edited June 28, 2012 by 2J5M9K

[Melissa in NC]

I looked up my high school boyfriend. He achieved his dream of becoming a lawyer and was disbarred for stealing from his clients. Funny, I was not surprised. I dodged a bullet.

[musicianmom]

I'm FB friends with nearly everyone I went to school and church with growing up, so that includes quite a few former crushes.

 

The one guy I dated briefly and the other guy I almost dated before starting to date dh? I don't care to look them up, but not out of fear of something happening. They're both rather embarrassing chapters of my life.

[Kelly1730]

Since dh and have have been together since high school, I don't have anyone to google:tongue_smilie:

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

I've only ever been curious about an ex-fiancé. It turns out he has a blog, which I read periodically. I've shown the blog to dh. He also published a book of poetry, which I bought, and showed to dh. I wouldn't mind remaining in semi-annual contact with this ex, because he is a wonderful human being, but after I broke up with him, he stopped talking to me, except for a brief time when he wrote me a bunch of letters. I put a stop to the letters because I really didn't want to get back together, so he quit talking to me all together, even though we had many mutual friends.

 

When I first joined Facebook, I looked up a couple of other ex boyfriends' names, but they weren't on it. I know one of them is married because he invited me to the wedding (weird! I did NOT go! :D). I don't know about the other one. He's probably living in Germany.

[stripe]

I have googled various people I went to hs with. Most of the girls, I know what they're up to, but none of us really kept up with most of the boy classmates. I have no clue what happened to most of them. I found our valedictorian on facebook. That was amusing, he was in a yacht or something. Snort. Guess he's moved up!

[littlebug42]

I am either friends in real life or fb friends with most former flames, even the ones from high school.

 

My first love was when I was in college. A friend called me after the birth of my second child to lovingly tell me that he had died. He had a heart attack and died at 36. I was devastated. I knew that I would never go back there but to this day, he still owns a small part of my heart.

[PrincessMommy]

I have, yes.

 

I personally would love nothing more than to know they have "happily ever afters". That's all though.:001_smile:

 

This is me too. I don't want any contact with them but it would be nice to know they're doing well. I haven't had much success. I guess I dated guys who are too into the internet.

[Mrs Mungo]

I think you people are all incredibly naive about how many marriages break up over someone contacting old boyfriend/girlfriends.

 

I disagree that anyone's marriage broke up for that reason. We have a good friend whose wife reconnected with her old flame over Facebook and ran off with him. But, she was already deeply unhappy.

 

To answer the general thread-I had an old boyfriend and am old friend who wanted to be a boyfriend contact me on Facebook. We chatted, and in both cases they got engaged a few weeks later. :)

[Impish]

I disagree that anyone's marriage broke up for that reason. We have a good friend whose wife reconnected with her old flame over Facebook and ran off with him. But, she was already deeply unhappy.

 

To answer the general thread-I had an old boyfriend and am old friend who wanted to be a boyfriend contact me on Facebook. We chatted, and in both cases they got engaged a few weeks later. :)

:iagree:I honestly don't believe an outside person can break up a marriage. It fractures from the inside.

 

If looking up an ex can shatter a marriage, it's b/c one spouse already had a foot out the door.

 

If someone is happy and committed to their marriage, it's not going to matter who comes along to tempt them, they're not going to take the bait.

[PrincessMommy]

:iagree:I honestly don't believe an outside person can break up a marriage. It fractures from the inside.

 

If looking up an ex can shatter a marriage, it's b/c one spouse already had a foot out the door.

 

If someone is happy and committed to their marriage, it's not going to matter who comes along to tempt them, they're not going to take the bait.

 

:iagree: There's a difference between "looking up" and "contacting". I have no desire to contact.

[dangermom]

The last one I had looked up before. He is married in another state, is a homeschooling dad of 8 children (unless they've had more in the last couple years...I didn't re-look them up). His oldest son looks EXACTLY like he did as a teenager. He has gained a good bit of weight. It is just the perfect life and sweet. It has crossed my mind many times over the years that his wife could be on this board.

 

I have an old friend whose wife could be here! We were buddies in high school, and did not really date properly (I think he was kind of interested, but shy, and I didn't encourage). We kept in intermittent touch and were happy to friend each other on FB--he has 4 darling kids and they homeschool WTM-style. I'll ask him sometime.

 

I always like to know how people are doing, whether I dated them or not--I like to find out that they're happy.

[stripe]

:iagree: There's a difference between "looking up" and "contacting". I have no desire to contact.

Speaking of platonic female friends and classmates here--

 

That's a good point. I like reading the alumni notes to see what old friends and classmates I haven't kept in touch with are doing; I am pleased to see if people got advanced degrees or had children, and I've seen notes about parents dying. I rarely contact these girls, often because I wasn't that close to them, but I like knowing what they're up to.

 

My sister is sort of a facebook replacement. She has actually run into my old classmates (the sort I definitely do NOT keep in touch with) and seems to know all sorts of things about them. I also occasionally get email updates from the few people I hear from once a year or so. I am often too lazy to contact them myself, but I have heard so and so had a baby, so and so is doing this.

[Galatea]

You know, I often think that if I could have my time again, and make my head rule my heart, I'd choose a husband based on how nice his mother was.

 

No, I've never looked anyone up, I wouldn't want to waste any more time on men who were a waste of time in the first place (sad, but true :sad:).

 

My mother-in-law seemed perfect the first few years of our marriage, when we lived states away. Then we moved closer and she had a mid-life crisis and now I can hardly bring myself to talk to her. :glare:

[Galatea]

:iagree:I honestly don't believe an outside person can break up a marriage. It fractures from the inside.

 

If looking up an ex can shatter a marriage, it's b/c one spouse already had a foot out the door.

 

If someone is happy and committed to their marriage, it's not going to matter who comes along to tempt them, they're not going to take the bait.

 

Every marriage goes through times when it's not "happy" though. Having contact with an old flame often means the effort is being put there instead of the current relationship, and that leads to breaking the marriage. If the distraction wasn't there, it's more possible for the marriage to work out.

[Scarlett]

Every marriage goes through times when it's not "happy" though. Having contact with an old flame often means the effort is being put there instead of the current relationship, and that leads to breaking the marriage. If the distraction wasn't there, it's more possible for the marriage to work out.

 

Well said.

[Impish]

Every marriage goes through times when it's not "happy" though. Having contact with an old flame often means the effort is being put there instead of the current relationship, and that leads to breaking the marriage. If the distraction wasn't there, it's more possible for the marriage to work out.

I guess my pov is, if you know your marriage is in one of those times, you don't succumb to distraction...or you make the choice to succumb.

 

Either way, I still believe that someone cannot 'steal' or 'break up' a marriage from the outside. It takes someone in the marriage to do that.

 

I've had tough times in my marriage. Absolutely. Had to rededicate myself. But, nobody outside could have broken us up, that would have been a choice that Wolf or I made.

[Scarlett]

I guess my pov is, if you know your marriage is in one of those times, you don't succumb to distraction...or you make the choice to succumb.

 

Either way, I still believe that someone cannot 'steal' or 'break up' a marriage from the outside. It takes someone in the marriage to do that.

 

I've had tough times in my marriage. Absolutely. Had to rededicate myself. But, nobody outside could have broken us up, that would have been a choice that Wolf or I made.

 

Well, since it takes two people to have an affair I would say it would be 50/50. If third party stays OUT of a marriage less chance of it being ripped apart.

[Impish]

Well, since it takes two people to have an affair I would say it would be 50/50. If third party stays OUT of a marriage less chance of it being ripped apart.

I agree w/you...to a point.

 

If a woman comes on to Wolf, it's completely his responsibility to say no, to walk away. The only way it impacts our marriage is if *he* chooses to pursue it.

 

And if someone wants to have an affair, sooner or later they'll find someone willing...but again, can only happen if the person in the marriage is choosing an affair. Nobody, no matter how s*xy they may be, can *force* someone into an affair.

 

So, for me, the person married really has 100% of the responsibility to be faithful. b/c it shouldn't matter what temptations are in their path.

[Pamela H in Texas]

I think people are being naive also. It is all easy to say that one would never do anything like that. And you can have a pretty darn good marriage as far as both partners are concerned. But it has been proven over and over and over again that things come up and people mess up. There is no reason whatsoever to put oneself in the position to have to make the right or wrong choice.

 

Well, and we're not just talking about leaving your spouse or sleeping with someone to be inappropriate.

 

I absolutely believe that it is 100% my responsibility to be faithful to my husband. It is my responsibility to make sure that I don't even need to make that choice at some point also.

[Scarlett]

I agree w/you...to a point.

 

If a woman comes on to Wolf, it's completely his responsibility to say no, to walk away. The only way it impacts our marriage is if *he* chooses to pursue it.

 

And if someone wants to have an affair, sooner or later they'll find someone willing...but again, can only happen if the person in the marriage is choosing an affair. Nobody, no matter how s*xy they may be, can *force* someone into an affair.

 

So, for me, the person married really has 100% of the responsibility to be faithful. b/c it shouldn't matter what temptations are in their path.

 

Agree to disagree.....a person who intrudes into a marriage has harmed that couple. Sure the married person has also....but the third party has a lot of blame too.

[BlessedMom]

No

[Impish]

Agree to disagree.....a person who intrudes into a marriage has harmed that couple. Sure the married person has also....but the third party has a lot of blame too.

But the 3rd party can't intrude unless invited, kwim? Nobody can have an affair w/an unwilling partner.

 

I just don't see the point in blaming the 3rd party, when the preservation of the marriage is the sole responsibility of the married individual.

 

I mean...Wolf's had women be very blatant in their interest. I've had guys hit on me. We both had to make a choice, and chose our marriage and family. It wouldn't have been the fault of the outsider if we'd pursued an affair, it would have been *our* fault b/c we're the ones who had the commitment.

 

Sure, you'd think that a person ought to respect the sanctity of someone's marriage. I agree. However, that's not always the case. It's the responsibility of the spouse to ensure no affair happens.

 

It shouldn't matter if a woman tap dances naked w/a sign around her neck saying, "I want you" on the table in front of Wolf. It's solely his responsibility to walk away. If he doesn't, then it's completely his fault.

[Mrs Mungo]

I think people are being naive also. It is all easy to say that one would never do anything like that. And you can have a pretty darn good marriage as far as both partners are concerned. But it has been proven over and over and over again that things come up and people mess up. There is no reason whatsoever to put oneself in the position to have to make the right or wrong choice.

 

Well, and we're not just talking about leaving your spouse or sleeping with someone to be inappropriate.

 

I absolutely believe that it is 100% my responsibility to be faithful to my husband. It is my responsibility to make sure that I don't even need to make that choice at some point also.

 

I don't think it is a matter of being naive. I think it is a matter of knowing oneself and one's own marriage. Are there activities that my dh and I do not pursue because of the issues of temptation and appearances? Yes. Are there activities which we do pursue that other people might not be able to handle? Yes.

[Mrs Mungo]

It shouldn't matter if a woman tap dances naked w/a sign around her neck saying, "I want you" on the table in front of Wolf. It's solely his responsibility to walk away. If he doesn't, then it's completely his fault.

 

I agree with this. Is the other person culpable for their actions? Yes. Is the married partner still 100% responsible for their own actions? Yes.

[Scarlett]

I don't think it is a matter of being naive. I think it is a matter of knowing oneself and one's own marriage. Are there activities that my dh and I do not pursue because of the issues of temptation and appearances? Yes. Are there activities which we do pursue that other people might not be able to handle? Yes.

 

It is good that you see the line for yourselves. Many people do not.

[LisaKinVA]

Count me in the group who has. There was one young man from college I went out with a couple of times. Had I been "ready" for him (he is 5 years older than me), it probably could have turned out differently. But, I knew he was looking to get married and I wasn't. We were friends, and nothing more than a curious interest. He just accepted my FR request on FB.

 

My only "serious" boyfriend from college is now in Finland with his wife and son. We have no contact, because his wife wants it that way (although, I was the one who essentially told him that he was in love with her). My other "serious" boyfriend in college was using me to hide an alternate lifestyle in law school. He came clean before the engagement party. I would not mind being in contact with him, but he has pretty much broken off contact with anyone from that period of his life (college).

 

All of the other crushes "sort-of" boyfriends I had in high school, middle school and college are on my FR list with FB and/or Linked In. My husband knows the history of each. There is only one other person that was of any consequence that I'm not in contact with, but that's his baggage (not mine). My husband occasionally has to work with his ex since they are in the same field, and work for the same (large) company. I am not worried about her, and my dh is not worried about anyone from my past.

 

There isn't a boy from my past who could compete with my husband in my life. We'll be celebrating 25 years since we met next February. We have been married 15 years now...and were friends through good, bad and ugly for 9 years before that.

[thefragile7393]

Yeah I have a little bit, I don't contact anyone except I made the big mistake of trying to make amends for the bad way the relationship ended with one of them. Bad idea. It pretty much reminded me why I am glad he is no longer in my life, since he has wayyyyy too many issues emotionally and mentally.

[thefragile7393]

But the 3rd party can't intrude unless invited, kwim? Nobody can have an affair w/an unwilling partner.

 

I just don't see the point in blaming the 3rd party, when the preservation of the marriage is the sole responsibility of the married individual.

 

I mean...Wolf's had women be very blatant in their interest. I've had guys hit on me. We both had to make a choice, and chose our marriage and family. It wouldn't have been the fault of the outsider if we'd pursued an affair, it would have been *our* fault b/c we're the ones who had the commitment.

 

Sure, you'd think that a person ought to respect the sanctity of someone's marriage. I agree. However, that's not always the case. It's the responsibility of the spouse to ensure no affair happens.

 

It shouldn't matter if a woman tap dances naked w/a sign around her neck saying, "I want you" on the table in front of Wolf. It's solely his responsibility to walk away. If he doesn't, then it's completely his fault.

 

Exactly. If the person chooses an affair, then the marriage was not strong to begin with. There were issues somewhere. I have been through this and fully agree. Someone will not let someone into their lives that they don't want in; it does not "just happen."

[Danestress]

The married person and tempter are both 100% responsible. Unless the tempter had no idea the married person was married, both are responsible, and both 100%. But I think a lot of victim spouses are more comfortable blaming the tempter, and that makes sense if you want to preserve the marriage and want to build a narrative that makes that possible. But from a dispassionate view, the married person made a choice for which he or she is responsible regardless of the circumstances.

 

Even when you can point to mistakes the victim spouse made, the victim spouse may have some culpability for a marriage going off track, but it doesn't cut into the adulterer's 100% piece of adultery culpability pie. My opinion.

[Sparkle]

I've googled a few of my old boyfriends. One is married and has kids and moved to Utah, and I think he's quite happy. Two others I've never been really able to find anything on, although I'm pretty certain that my one serious boyfriend never married (Glad I didn't wait around for him).

 

And like Impish, one of my old boyfriends died 10 years ago. I didn't find that out by googling though, his obituary was in the local paper. It was a huge shock to me (he died of cancer), but it sounded like he had a happy life up to the point he got sick.

 

I would never contact any of my exes, it's just curiosity to see how their lives have turned out. I still care for them, but not in a romantic way.

[Impish]

The married person and tempter are both 100% responsible. Unless the tempter had no idea the married person was married, both are responsible, and both 100%. But I think a lot of victim spouses are more comfortable blaming the tempter, and that makes sense if you want to preserve the marriage and want to build a narrative that makes that possible. But from a dispassionate view, the married person made a choice for which he or she is responsible regardless of the circumstances.

 

Even when you can point to mistakes the victim spouse made, the victim spouse may have some culpability for a marriage going off track, but it doesn't cut into the adulterer's 100% piece of adultery culpability pie. My opinion.

:iagree:It's easier to blame the other person for luring a spouse. But, you can't lure what's not interested, and I honestly believe that if a person is looking to have an affair, they'll find someone willing to participate, sooner or later.

 

And, while a marriage may be troubled, it's still 100% on the adulterer, as far as responsibility goes imo.

 

Wolf and I talked about affairs before we were married. He still remembers what I told him, and it's been the subject of some laughter w/friends.

 

"If you want to fool around, go right ahead...but it'll be the most EXPENSIVE piece of *** you ever had!"

 

We also talked about respect. If you wanna go, go. But have the respect for our children, for the vows you made, to leave, end the relationship, before starting another one.

[tristangrace]

I have two ex-boyfriends. I'm FB friends with one, and I follow the blog of the other--we occasionally get into theological debates online. He actually called me once when he was going through a hard time (with my husband's knowledge/consent). I tend to be very boundary-conscious about contact and monitor my reactions to the guy--he has some good qualities but some pretty awful ones, too, and I am SO, SO happy we did not get married. I'm sure I would have had he asked, and I would have been absolutely miserable.

[Scarlett]

The married person and tempter are both 100% responsible. Unless the tempter had no idea the married person was married, both are responsible, and both 100%. But I think a lot of victim spouses are more comfortable blaming the tempter, and that makes sense if you want to preserve the marriage and want to build a narrative that makes that possible. But from a dispassionate view, the married person made a choice for which he or she is responsible regardless of the circumstances.

 

Even when you can point to mistakes the victim spouse made, the victim spouse may have some culpability for a marriage going off track, but it doesn't cut into the adulterer's 100% piece of adultery culpability pie. My opinion.

 

I divorced my cheating husband. I don't feel any more blame toward the girl he had an affair with than I do him. I also don't feel any less blame. They are two people who caused harm to me, my child and our standard of living.

[Audrey]

No. But one found me that way. I told him "dude, there's a reason you're an ex."

 

Really.... this is the main reason I'm not on facebook. I already keep in touch with people I love and care about from decades ago. If I gave a crap about those other blasts from the past, I would have kept in touch with them.

[tex-mex]

I actually wanted to and then I realized that I can't remember anyone's names! First names, yes, but not last names. :blushing:

Ooooh. Me too! I was a bit of a party girl in college and realized I could not recall the last names. :lol: Oh dear. Just as well. ;)

[alisoncooks]

No, I don't, but there's no need. No old flames. :p

Plus, I came from a *very* small town and everyone I want/don't want to know about, my mom tells me whenever I visit.

[butterflymommy]

I was curious about the guy that I thought was THE Guy. We came w/in 20 mins of being married (we were eloping to city hall, late for our appt, figured we'd just do it another time, since we hadn't invited anyone...ended up breaking up). Before Wolf came along, I honestly thought that this guy was it, and since it didn't work w/him, I was meant to be alone.

 

The one guy I can't bring myself to google is the one I nearly married. I would hate to think he ended up alone (he desperately wanted to marry and start having children-- with anyone, not necessarily me). Last I heard he was engaged-- but I don't know if it worked out for him.

 

Googled him a cpl of yrs ago now. Found his obit. :crying: A non smoker, he was a welder and died of lung cancer.

 

Wolf found me a sobbing mess when he got home from work. Thankfully, he understood, and was supportive.

 

 

Oh that's so sad... !! :crying:

[Caroline]

I was googling people from my past. It seemed a lot of them had recently lost a parent. It made me realize how lucky I am to still have both parents and a grandmother. She is 99. I called my parents and grandmother that evening.

[butterflymommy]

I looked up my high school boyfriend. He achieved his dream of becoming a lawyer and was disbarred for stealing from his clients. Funny, I was not surprised. I dodged a bullet.

 

Ohhh boy.... is this true for me too. One ex (whom I've stayed in casual contact with over the years, so no need to google) is now filthy rich and successful. But not for all the money in the world could I be married to him.

[Farrar]

I always stayed in loose contact with most of the people I had real relationships with. There's no one I didn't part well with really and I'm FB friends with most of them. I see some of them occasionally if our paths cross. No big deal.

[ocelotmom]

I think you people are all incredibly naive about how many marriages break up over someone contacting old boyfriend/girlfriends.

 

Given that my parents are one of those marriages that broke up, no, I'd say I'm probably not.

[Scarlett]

Given that my parents are one of those marriages that broke up, no, I'd say I'm probably not.

 

((((ocelotmom)))) sorry.

[Dustybug]

No. I only really had one serious relationship before dh, and I've seen him on fb (not friends, though). I'm friends with several jr. high/high school crushes on fb too (who were regular friends by graduation), and it's been interesting to keep up with their lives a bit.

 

I did discover through fb that my senior prom date (I asked him to the prom) is gay and now married to his partner. :001_huh: No wonder that never went anywhere. Can you say clueless??:tongue_smilie:

 

That happened to me too! lol. I had a HUGE crush for a LONG time. We went to prom together and a month later someone told me the truth about why he wasn't interested!

:iagree:I honestly don't believe an outside person can break up a marriage. It fractures from the inside.

 

If looking up an ex can shatter a marriage, it's b/c one spouse already had a foot out the door.

 

If someone is happy and committed to their marriage, it's not going to matter who comes along to tempt them, they're not going to take the bait.

 

I guess my pov is, if you know your marriage is in one of those times, you don't succumb to distraction...or you make the choice to succumb.

 

Either way, I still believe that someone cannot 'steal' or 'break up' a marriage from the outside. It takes someone in the marriage to do that.

 

I've had tough times in my marriage. Absolutely. Had to rededicate myself. But, nobody outside could have broken us up, that would have been a choice that Wolf or I made.

 

:iagree::iagree:

 

Well, since it takes two people to have an affair I would say it would be 50/50. If third party stays OUT of a marriage less chance of it being ripped apart.

 

Being an ex doesn't necessarily imply that having contact later in life means you want to get IN to someone's marriage. I genuinely care about the people in my past and I was friends with them BEFORE we had relationships.

 

I agree w/you...to a point.

 

If a woman comes on to Wolf, it's completely his responsibility to say no, to walk away. The only way it impacts our marriage is if *he* chooses to pursue it.

 

And if someone wants to have an affair, sooner or later they'll find someone willing...but again, can only happen if the person in the marriage is choosing an affair. Nobody, no matter how s*xy they may be, can *force* someone into an affair.

 

So, for me, the person married really has 100% of the responsibility to be faithful. b/c it shouldn't matter what temptations are in their path.

 

:iagree: I never did understand the mentality that you get upset at the third party when the one responsible to YOU is your spouse.

 

 

I at one point was fb friends with all of my exes, but I deleted all but one because all they posted was a bunch of crudeness or vulgarity. blech. The one that I am still friends with actually still hangs out with my younger brother and stops in and checks on my mom back in VA from time to time. DH knows all about it and doesn't bat an eye because he knows that it is a non issue. I can safely say that I would NEVER cheat on my DH. It's just not who I am. I am very conservative when it comes to other men. I don't even allow male family members except my FIL to come to my home if my DH is not here and we don't have friends of opposite gender that we spend time with unless it is a married couple that we see together. We have always told each other (our Christian views aside for the sake of this conversation) that if either of us ever had the desire to cheat, we would be honest and leave the relationship first. Call me naive if you want, but our marriage has been through the wringer more than once (although no affairs) and I trust 100% that if for any reason DH decided he wanted to stray, that he would be honest with me and leave the marriage first.

[LunaLee]

Ironic this came up today... I did this last year for my first love, and found out that he had passed away of cancer about 4 weeks before I facebooked/googled him. Today is his birthday.

[Scarlett]

It shouldn't matter if a woman tap dances naked w/a sign around her neck saying, "I want you" on the table in front of Wolf. It's solely his responsibility to walk away. If he doesn't, then it's completely his fault.

 

But see Imp....this is not how affairs happen. It is much more insidious than that. And FB and email and private chat make it oh so easy to slip into intimate discussions with exes or whomever.

 

It is a woman at the office quizzing your husband about his marriage....and it so happens that very day he is super irritated at you and vents to her....and she tsks tsks and assures him he is totally right....and then it is on. That is why boundaries are so, so important and why I smiled when you talked about Wolf suggesting that woman at the office talk to you. Yes! Way to be a man Wolf.

 

I hope none of you ever experience the devastation of adultery ripping your family apart. My boundaries and those I expect of my dh are now MUCH tighter than they were before.

 

I do however wonder about exes. When I was divorced I had men coming out of the woodwork contacting me....it was very exciting and I enjoyed it.....but I see the danger in it too.